Glee Review: If They Can Make It There. . .

On the season finale of Glee:

New Directions is in New York, acting exactly like tourists from Ohio act in New York, only more colorfully dressed.

The members of Glee are suitably impressed.  Rachel wants to know “why it smells like it’s wet here all the time?” and Kurt’s amazed at the ability to order a steak tartare sandwich at 3am.  Puck and Zizes spend some time in Manhattan trying to order a Manhattan, until Will pulls them out of the hotel bar.  Sadly, Ashley Fink loses cool points by having a horrible reaction shot in this scene – she tries this comic, over the top look that seems completely out of character — are we really supposed to believe that a badass like Lauren Zizes wouldn’t have a fake ID, or, better yet, her own flask?

But instead of suitably enjoying their new surroundings, New Directions is holed up in the hotel room and given the assignment to write two new original songs.  Brittany tries out a song dedicated to her cup, which she performs quite joyfully, but Quinn suggests they leave the hotel to explore the streets of New York for inspiration.  They then sing a mash up of Madonna’s “I Love New York” and the “On The Town” version of “New York, New York.”  I’m sorry, but I kind of hate it.  Glee just doesn’t work for me outside — it just takes the cheesiness up a notch too far, into 80s dance movie territory.  They’re running around outdoor fountains in brightly colored jackets, and I just kinda want a gang to come by and push them all in.

Back in the hotel room, Finn wants to do a duet with Rachel for Nationals, and Puck tells him to just ask her out already, because they’re in New York, the city of love for everyone who has memorized pre-1990 Woody Allen movies, When Harry Met Sally, or for whom Carrie and Big are the ultimate love story.  While out, Rachel gets to meet Patti LuPone, and then gets serenaded with “Bella Notte” on a curiously quiet and empty street.  But when Finn goes in for the kiss, he is declined.  This is because Rachel wants to move to New York after high school and will have to leave Finn behind when she does.

While Rachel and Finn are macking, Will is singing, completely coincidentally I’m sure, Matthew Morrison’s “Still Got Tonight”.  He very much enjoys his time on stage.  But he can’t abandon his kids when they need him the most, so he puts the Broadway dreams on ice, for now at least.  Later, Kurt and Rachel break into the Gershwin Theater, allowing Lea Michele to return to her Broadway roots, duetting with Chris Colfer on “For Good” from Wicked, and they sound great.  Makes me really wish I could just watch Lea Michele on Broadway instead of having to watch her pretend that this Finn-or-Broadway storyline actually makes sense when Rachel still has a whole year of high school left.

Queen of Bitter Quinn decides that she’s going to tell Will about Rachel and Kurt sneaking off, but Brittany and Santana pull an intervention and tell her she needs to get over it.  Dianna Argon as Quinn then gives these really awful line readings – what is with the scenery-chewing this week? – but ultimately comes to terms with being popular-but-dumped by getting a haircut.  Really, that storyline was barely worth the paragraph I just allocated it.

At Nationals, Schuester tells New Directions that they have a pretty good shot at winning (which is when I knew they were going to lose), right before we see an awesome performance of “Yeah!” by an all-female glee club decked in short, floaty over the shoulder dresses and in-your-face dance moves.  Seriously, can I get some more of that?  Then Rachel finds Sunshine Corazon in the ladies’ room, where she’s having a meltdown.  Rachel talks her down, and Sunshine takes her place as lead singer in a Vocal Adrenaline number and she doesn’t sound half as good as she did when she sang “Listen.”  Again, another storyline barely worth the two sentences devoted to it.

Backstage before their number, Rachel tells Finn that she didn’t kiss him because she’s holding out for New York, despite the fact that it is an entire year away.  I mean, does no one else find this reason completely unrealistic and an obvious false obstacle just to keep them apart for 40 minutes of the 44 minute episode?  Anyway, they sing an original duet penned by Finn about two people who aren’t saying what’s in their hearts.  The song, “Pretending,” is okay; nothing special, and the instrumentality behind it does absolutely nothing for Lea Michele’s voice — she has to power her way over the song, and since the melody isn’t particularly memorable or challenging, you kinda forget everything she’s singing as soon as she’s done singing it.  It’s the kind of song that’s written for someone who doesn’t sing that well.  Plus, there are auto-tuned backround vocals which really don’t work for what’s ostensibly a singing competition.  But, I know, that’s not the point.  The point is that the song is literally about two people who aren’t telling each other how they are really feeling, which is Finn and Rachel, who then dramatically kiss at the song’s conclusion, which I thought was the best moment of the whole episode, but apparently is a whole mess of awkward for the Nationals’ audience. Oops.

Then New Directions launches into another awful song.  Santana sings lead, although it’s not like that matters since the song is totally auto-tuned, a dance number that’s called “Light Up The World” that is also instantly forgettable.  It’s hard to believe that the same people who sang something as awesome as “Loser Like Me” would then choose this dreck when the stakes were so much higher.  And the fictional judges at Nationals apparently agreed because New Directions doesn’t even make it to the next round.  Well, that sucks for them, although I’ve got to ask. . .what would they have sung if they had made it to the next round?  They only prepared two songs!

Back in Ohio, Kurt recaps Nationals for Darren.  And Darren — okay, Blaine, because Darren Criss is so awesome that he can totally claim whatever name he wants now, although I still think it sounds like an appliance — tells Kurt he loves him.  I take it back — this is the best moment of the episode.  Sooooooo freakin’ cute.

Then, back in the hallways of McKinley High, Brittany wraps up Season 2 for us.  The season wasn’t about winning, it was about acceptance. And it’s been a pretty addictive season overall, mostly owing to Kurt’s falling-in-love storyline (superior to the bullying storyline because I’m a complete sap), some great Warbler’s numbers, awesome cameos by Apple’s mom, and Glee drunk.  Sure, the show is still hopelessly incompetent when it comes to keeping up a consistent tone, plot, or character, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say that final kiss between Rachel and Finn was pretty sweet.  But enough from me; what do you think about Season 2?

‘Till next season, y’all.

For more on this episode, check out Fairytale of New York by Inisia Lewis.

Season 2, Episode 22: New York (originally aired May 24, 2011)

Rewatch Glee Thursdays this summer on Fox.

Images courtesy of Craig Blankenhorn, Adam Rose, and Fox.