Top Chef Masters Review: The Troops Come Marching In

Top Chef Masters is brimming with patriotism this week as another top chef goes down right before the finale. How these two things correspond is a little lost on me, but it’s the second to last episode and it’s time to find out what Curtis Stone has up his sleeve this week to frustrate the contestants.

There are only four remaining cheftestants left to stare at Curtis’ evil grin as he describes their last Quickfire Challenge! of the season. Top Chef wants to test their verbal communication. To do this they have the chefs yell cooking instructions through a barrier that is separating them from unseen teammates.

“Where’s the twist,” you ask? Well, the twist is  all of the teammates turn out to be family members. We meet Floyd’s sister, Mary Sue’s sister, Naomi’s dad, and Traci’s brother. I’m calling B.S. on this because somehow the chefs never recognize their teammates’ voices. How do they not recognize their own family’s voices? It’s not like they are changing it like Christian Bale in “Batman.” Naomi does yell at her dad at one point, but that’s not enough evidence for me. Maybe she yells at him all the time, who knows.

When they finish cooking they lift the barrier and hugs are freely given. Randomly selected “celebrity” judges are nowhere to be seen and so Curtis gets to pick the winner, which is nice because HE’S AN ACTUAL CHEF. Curtis gives Traci the win.

Elimination Challenge! We are introduced to families who have loved ones in the armed forces. They want to welcome home the returning soldiers with a buffet meal prepared by the Top Chef contestants. More importantly, the chefs need to prepare food the soldiers cannot get while being deployed. It sounds like they eat a lot of kebabs over there. The cheftestants seem inspired, except for for Traci, who’s getting tired of cooking for other people and says “I can make some fancy French dish easier than I can make some meatloaf.” Classy.

Oh guess what? THEY DON’T GO SHOPPING! They just cut to them preparing food. Thank you Top Chef for sparring us one of those boring shopping segments. I feel like I’m actually being listened to.

The chefs cook for over a 100 people with no prep staff. Nothing happens in the kitchen or in the dinning room and Top Chef Masters continues its”no drama” streak. Of course the families love all of the food .  Everyone votes and Mary Sue wins for her ribs with avocado-corn relish.

During the critics’ table I get up and grab a beer because I hate the critics’ table. I’m not slacking, can still hear the TV and they say Naomi undercooked all of the shrimp. “Come on Naomi, this is Top Chef, you can’t under-cook anything! You are so going home.” I yell from the kitchen as I snap off a bottle cap on a cold one. The critics continue to nitpick at chefs that just cooked a meal for American soldiers and their families.  Blah, blah, blah. They debate about who should be sent home. Blah, blah, blah. The show makes you think they are going to send someone else home but end up booting Naomi, who won almost all of the challenges up ’til now. Told ya. If there is anything I have learned it’s you can’t undercook anything on Top Chef.

Your finalists are Floyd, Mary Sue, and Traci. Now that Naomi is gone it could be anybody’s show to win. Except Traci, I don’t like her. So, expect the unexpected! Except for drama, don’t expect that because it’s just not happening.

Season 3, Episode “A Soldier’s Story” (original airdate June 8, 2011).

Top Chef: Masters airs Wednesdays at 10/9c on Bravo.

Images courtesy of Nicole Wilder and Bravo.