Monte Carlo Review: An ABC Family Movie Gone Rogue

I’m on vacation. My vacation takes place at the Lake of the Ozarks, a fairly isolated but lovely place in south central Missouri, and mostly I do nothing but laze in the sun and catch up on my reading. This weekend, though, my editors assigned me the task of reviewing Monte Carlo for you folks, and let me tell you, finding a movie theatre turned out to be quite an adventure.

The two theatres closest to me chose not to give up one of their 4-8 screens for the film, so my (reluctant) friend and I took a jaunt to a little place called Lebanon, MO (I dare you to find it on a map). The theatre held 7 rows of 5 chairs and boasted a concrete floor and a screen smaller than I’ve seen in some homes. The picture didn’t fill the entire thing and an annoying crackling/buzzing noise kept the dialogue company for the entirety of the film.

Drama in actually viewing Monte Carlo aside, the film offered nothing more and nothing less than I expected. I’m someone not afraid to confess a love for ABC Family movies (Another Cinderella Story being one of my favorites), and if Monte Carlo had premiered on television I would be more forgiving of its faults. The film has no business on the “big” screen, and they certainly shouldn’t be asking audiences to pay to see it. It’s cute, it’s predictable, it’s clean, it’s corny…it belongs on television.

The main character, Grace (Selena Gomez) has been saving her money all through four torturous years of high school anonymity in Nowhere, TX so that she can go to Paris for a week and turn into the person she wants to be. Her slightly older, wilder, and less ambitious friend Emma (Katie Cassidy) has plans to join her, even though her week long vacation ramps up the insecurity in her since-high-school beau Owen (Cory Monteith of Glee). At the last minute her new stepfather and mother decide to send her no fun, uptight stepsister Meg (Leighton Meester) along as a responsible chaperone under the guise of the girls getting to know one another better.

The hodge-podge group lands in Paris and begins a tour chosen by Grace, which turns out to be a nightmare of running around, trying to “see” everything in Paris while experiencing nothing. Their hotel is a hoot, and on their second day their tour bus leaves them behind at the Eiffel Tower. Then it begins to rain, and they duck into a fancy hotel to dry off – where a rich British heiress is also staying – and she just happens to look exactly like Grace. The hotel staff mistakes Grace for the heiress Cordelia, and, exhausted and upset over how her dream trip is turning out, they spend the night in her luxury suite. Meg and Emma overhear the snotty rich girl making plans to duck out of her responsibilities and hop a plane to Mallorca, Spain, so they figure why not take advantage of a nice room and a twenty-six pound lobster.

They get in deeper as they wake up to a phone call announcing their car has arrived, private plane tickets and an itinerary for Monte Carlo is shoved into her hands, and the flashbulbs from the paparazzi blind their common sense. Grace sides with Emma, silencing Meg’s feeble protests of good judgment, and very shortly into the movie we find the girls at a royal ball in Monte Carlo.

Does it seem like this all happens very quickly? That’s because it does, and the exposition flies by too fast to allow us to get to know, to care about, or to believe there’s anything beneath the surface of our main characters. We’ve got the dreamer, the uptight sad girl, and the flamboyant party girl, and the film never really even tries to bring more facets to them as we move forward.

They all meet men within about five seconds. Grace is attracted to the son of the family hosting the charity event (which is raising money for orphanages/schools in Africa and Romania), Meg runs into a hot Australian backpacking his way through the world not once, not twice, but three times in two different countries, and Emma gets a glimpse of what life is like for the rich when a handsome prince is taken with her bright smile and blond, American curls. Grace isn’t comfortable playing the heiress, and it doesn’t take long for the real Brit’s aunt to figure out she’s an imposter, but she begs her to keep quiet because the charity is counting on her support.

The girls begin to find themselves (with the helps of these terribly attentive, sweet, undemanding and random men). Meg learns to let go, that it’s okay to be sad about the passing of her mother, and how to have a good time on the back of Riley’s (Luke Bracey) Vespa. Emma decides the only thing she really wants in life is Owen and small town life in Texas, especially after Prince Domenico de Silvano (Giulio Berruti) shows his not so sensitive side to a waitress on a yacht. Grace charms the sarcastic, unhappy rich boy Theo (Pierre Boulanger), who is not nearly good looking enough to support his attitude, by being different than he expected Cordelia to be based on her reputation.

Through a series of hijinks, silly decisions, and plot points that are completely unsupported by common sense, the girls are found out but manage to win over the charity and the boys anyway, each taking the next step in their lives with a renewed sense of self.

The music for this film made absolutely no sense, and distracted me more than anything. I’m going to show my age real quick, but the background score reminded me of Roman Holiday, or the Herbie movies, particularly Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo. With two recording artists in starring roles, why on earth aren’t we treated to some sugar pop tunes along the way? It would have been more expected and, honestly, less offensive.

Like I said, Monte Carlo didn’t disappoint me, because I pretty much expected what they delivered. I don’t know who decided to greenlight this for a wide theatrical release, because as a made for television movie, it would be a pleasure to snuggle down and grin along with on a Sunday night. In the theatre it feels way out of its league, the characters shallow and undeveloped instead of cute and charming. It fails at really utilizing its exotic locals, something done well by better-made films like the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, and doesn’t bother explaining small things like how on earth a boy who never wanted to leave Texas magically has a passport. Those small things add up to a laughable believability factor.

The upside is, if there are still parents out there who like to safeguard their daughter’s innocence, this is a movie you can enjoy with young girls and not worry about content, language, or over sexualizing of young women. Selena Gomez is engaging as always, and Leighton Meester also has a certain charm about her.

Even so, wait for video. Certainly don’t make the kind of effort I did to see it in the theatre. If you can wait, and watch it from your couch, I dare say you might be entertained if you don’t expect it to be something it’s just not.

Images Courtesy of Larry Horricks and © 2011 Twentieth Century Fox