White Collar Review: A Black Widow in the Big Apple

Peter Burke does it all. He’s a successful FBI Agent, devoted and loving husband, makes a mean pot roast, and is a puzzle whiz. Plus he tangos. Yes, you read that correctly, Peter Burke has got some serious moves. He’s a modern renaissance man. This week, the Suit goes undercover and draws on his talents to first win over a black widow and then take her down.

The FBI is tracking Selena Thomas (Madchen Amick), a suspected black widow with four dead husbands who has surfaced in New York City. She’s planning to attend a bachelor auction and the FBI fills the last three open spots with their most eligible undercover agents—Jones (Sharif Atkins), Neal and Peter, who is terrified to tell his wife about this undercover mission.

Elizabeth is less than thrilled but determined to help Peter win. She coaches him about his cover identity and gives him tips for conversations with the women. Peter (Tim DeKay) and Elizabeth (Tiffani Thiessen) really are the cutest couple! Meanwhile, Neal (Matt Bomer) prepares for the auction with Sara. She lets it slip that she and Neal have not been on a real first date yet. Also, Sara (Hilarie Burton) gives the opposite advice from Elizabeth to Neal on how to blow the dates.

At the auction, Jones is ready to go with his cover as the head of a dessert empire because, “ladies, love the sweets.” The three bachelors have different strategies—Jones is going to charm every woman, Peter tries to remember it’s a conversation not an interrogation, while Neal plans to win over Selena with an adorable Texas drawl but mess up every other date.

Diana (Marsha Thompson) is also undercover, posing as a bachelor buyer. The speed dating begins—Peter seems to be struggling, Jones is very suave and winning over the ladies left and right, while Neal is turning off the ladies. Next, it’s time for the ladies to bid on the bachelors. Jones does the best at $11,000. Shockingly, Neal isn’t so popular and must be bailed out by Diana at $1,000. That’s an awfully affordable price for the beautiful Neal Caffrey. Peter is the undercover winner as Selena bids $15,000 for a date with him.

Back at the FBI, Peter hopes to discover where Selena is staying when he calls to set up their date but she refuses to let him pick her up and Diana couldn’t trace her call. Neal tells Peter he’s going to have to impress her enough on the date to “close the deal” so she takes him back to her place. Later on, Neal and Peter tell Elizabeth about the date. She’s concerned that it will be dangerous but Peter assures her that he will have an “arrest warrant before dessert.”

On the actual date, Neal and Diana listen in from the van. Neal cooked Diana dinner because she bailed him out by bidding on him at the auction. Diana loves the food and suggests he cook for “Insurance Investigator Barbie” (Sara). What a perfect nickname! Meanwhile, the date is going well so far for Peter and Selena. She wants to dance but when the song turns to a tango, Neal starts to panic. Surprisingly Peter knows how to tango, thanks to lessons with Elizabeth, and he nails it! He also wins over Selena who invites him back to her place. While Peter tries to plant the bug at Selena’s, Diana gets the autopsy results from Selena’s fourth husband—he was stabbed and Selena was the only witness. Meanwhile, Selena makes Peter a drink while wielding an ice chipper like a weapon. He “accidently” spills his drink and Neal calls to bail him out, saying there’s a work emergency.

Later on Selena makes a phone call to a partner about Peter, so Neal plays wingman to help Peter explain to Elizabeth that he must keep seeing Selena. El doesn’t take it too well and Peter says “the sooner this ends the better.” Neal suggests he propose to speed up the process, an idea Peter doesn’t love.

That night Neal surprises Sara with a very romantic first date at his candle-filled apartment. Hats off to Neal for what looks like a perfect date! Meanwhile, Peter is supposed to be taking Selena out but she demands that they go back to his place. Peter frantically calls Neal saying, “I’m commandeering your date.”

After many missed calls, Neal finally checks his phone and explains to Sara they have to leave just as Peter crashes their first official date. Since Neal’s apartment used to be a speakeasy there’s an observation backroom, which allows Neal and Sara to spy on Peter. Selena notices Neal’s artwork, which she assumes is Peter’s, and asks Peter to draw her. Of course, she won’t take no for an answer. Peter knows Neal is in the backroom and writes “help me” on the sketchpad.

Neal to the rescue—he begins to sketch Selena from the backroom. Mozzie (Willie Garson) barges into the apartment, as he typically does, and is surprised to see Peter there. Peter is happy to see Mozzie, who he explains to Selena is his assistant, Haversham. Moz goes with it and helps get the finished sketch to Peter. Neal added a little something extra in the sketch, an engagement ring, which Selena notices and agrees to marry Peter. Neal and Sara take in the scene and she remarks, “best date ever.”

Back at the Burke’s home, Peter explains to Elizabeth that he is now engaged to Selena for this undercover assignment. She isn’t happy but realizes how she can help—as an event planner for the wedding because Selena may reveal her partner in a guest list.

Next is a very awkward meeting between Selena, Peter and Elizabeth to plan the wedding. Elizabeth lets it slip that she would have preferred a more intimate and simple wedding when she married her husband/Peter. They discuss a guest list and Selena says she will have her lawyer send legal documents addressing her previous four marriages.

After the meeting they’re saying goodbye as a car comes out of nowhere and swerves at Peter. Luckily, Elizabeth warned him in time to move out of the way.This little scare allows Selena and Peter to have a discussion about what would happen if he died. Afterward at the FBI, Peter clues Neal in that Selena’s lawyer is bogus and really is Gerald Jameson (Jonathan Silverman), the man who ran the bachelor auction.  Plus, like Selena did with her previous husbands, she wanted Peter to leave his money to a charity. They believe the charities are also fake, which is how Selena gets her deceased husbands’ money.

To try to find a concrete link between Jameson and the charities, Neal goes back to talk to Jameson about his next bachelor auction. He then rents the building for Peter’s bachelor party. Peter is less than thrilled about the bachelor party but goes along so Neal and Mozzie can get into Jameson’s office. Unfortunately, they don’t find anything to link him to Selena. On to Neal’s plan B, which is spooking Selena into leading them to the money. Neal and Peter take shots with Jameson, only Neal and Peter aren’t drinking the shots.

Cut to the next morning, when Diana knocks on Selena’s door to ask if she knows Jameson and also tells her he is dead. Diana’s visit freaks Selena out and she heads to the bank to retrieve the money. As she heads to the bank, Jones gives Jameson a wakeup text that says the bank account has been emptied. Jameson rushes to track down Selena and confronts her and Neal, Peter and the FBI surround Selena and Jameson to arrest them.

Neal shows Jameson the photos from the rounds of shots at the bachelor party. Peter explains that Jameson got so drunk he confessed how he had a big payday coming and his connection to Selena. They then arrest Jameson and Selena as Peter quips, “for what it’s worth it wasn’t me, it was you.” Neal then makes a comment that it would have been a lovely wedding. Peter agrees and wonders if the already ordered arrangements could be shipped somewhere else.

Jones gets Elizabeth and brings her to Neal’s apartment, which is decorated gorgeously. Peter is there and says, “I’m giving you the wedding you always wanted. Will you marry me again?” I have to confess this adorable scene made me tear up. Then, Elizabeth responded, “yes, as many times as you ask.” Neal shows up to bring in the preacher, who is Mozzie, of course. Mozzie begins the ceremony saying, “to celebrate the union of Suit and Mrs. Suit…again” and the episode comes to a close. Elizabeth and Peter are without a doubt one of the best couples on television!

All around a fantastic episode! Writer Jim Campolongo played the romance card perfectly with our dynamic duo each taking turns wooing their ladies. I really enjoyed the juxtaposition of storylines—the romance between Neal and Sara plus Elizabeth and Peter versus the black widow, Selena, who killed her husbands. Also, I know I don’t laud Tim DeKay enough but he completely rocked this episode!

Next week, a young conman invades NYC. Check out the preview here.

Season 3, Episode 5 “Veiled Threat” (original airdate July 5, 2011)

White Collar airs Tuesday nights at 9/8c on USA.

Images courtesy of Barbara Nitke and USA Network