Jersey Shore Review: She’s Too Young For You, Bro!

The second episode of Jersey Shore picked up right where we left off last week – fist pumping in a Florence nightclub – and things quickly became all about the hook-ups and relationships. Here’s a rundown of the main pairings so far this season and who comes out the winner in each situation:

Deena/Pauly D. Deena wants to “smush” with Pauly D, who surprisingly (or perhaps unsurprisingly since he’s probably quite the expert in this field now) understands how women’s minds work. He doesn’t want to “smush” with Deena right away because he knows she’s just going to become clingy after that, even though Deena insists she won’t. Pauly D gets the point here for keeping his distance.

Ronnie/Sammi. We all knew this would get messy, but it happened sooner than expected for me. Sammi is an emotional drunk while Ronnie is a manwhore drunk, two very bad combinations. All Sammi cares about is what her ex is doing and then she breaks down and admits she misses him. Ronnie misses her too, he says, but effectively turns her down when she brings up cuddling and sleeping together. Point to Ronnie for not falling back on old habits!

Mike/Snooki. Where does one even begin with Mike and Snooki? Maybe they did “smush,” maybe they didn’t. But Snooki’s boyfriend conveniently gets angry at her for not calling every day and Mike uses the opportunity to comfort her….and then he follows that up with a confession of his love for her. Snooki takes it all in stride but emphasizes that she just sees him as a friend. Point for Snooki!

Mike/Random Girl at Club. Resigning himself to the fact that Snooki is simply not interested, Mike picks up a girl at the club. “What, a classy Italian girl actually fell for The Situation’s charm?” I hear you say. Nay, dear readers, this has yet to happen. Mike’s one night stand is with an American studying abroad in Italy named Brittany. At the end of the episode, we see Mike giving her a call because he’s horny and wants someone to sleep with. I’ll withhold giving a point to either person in this round, but if Brittany doesn’t show up next episode then it’ll be a point for her.

As for the “job” the Jersey Shore gang will be holding this season, they’ll be working at a real Italian pizzeria. The owner, Marco, seems pretty strict so there’s no telling how this workplace environment will go down. We see a bit of orientation with Snooki having the honor to make a pizza, but they haven’t officially begun working yet.

The cast also once again prove their ignorance and believe the big church in Florence is “The Vatican.” I’m really starting to pray that they’re doing this for the cameras.

Next week I expect more drunken Deena falling on the cobblestoned streets of Florence and even more Ronnie/Sammi drama to go down. But what I’m really starting to wonder is whether any of the Jersey Shore boys will be able to bring back a real Italian girl to the smush room – Vinny seems pretty intent on accomplishing this one goal. This season is only just beginning!

For another take on this week’s episode check out “Like More Than A Friend” by Tanya Lane.

Season 4, Episode 2: Like More Than a Friend (originally aired August 11, 2011)

Jersey Shore airs Thursdays at 10/9c on MTV.

Images courtesy of MTV.