Project Runway Review: Larger Than Life is Just the Right Size

Fashion comes in all shapes and sizes. Big ones. Small ones. Fat ones.  Tall ones.  If a designer can’t find a model on which to showcase the latter, there are always stilts.  This week’s challenge on Project Runway: in pre-selected teams of two, design an outfit for a stilt walker. Bert was paired with Viktor. Anthony with Laura. Joshua M. with Julie. Danielle with Cecelia. Anya with Olivier, “the dream team.” Kimberly with Becky. Bryce with Fallene. For the first time, the fashion show took place in front of the press and a live audience. With a budget of $500, the designers were given one day to complete the challenge.  Victor and Bert ran into a clash of the egos.  Apparently Viktor made an ugly sound when he found out he was paired with Bert. Bert took it personally.  Once in the design room, when it became evident that Viktor didn’t know the difference between a Victorian and Elizabethan silhouette, Bert, like a child who picks a sore wound, took that opportunity to cut Viktor down and belittle him.  The tension mounted when Tim Gunn came into the room to check on their progress.  Retrack the claws.  Return to your corners.

Bryce and Fallene’s biggest collaboration challenge was the fact Bryce has been formally trained and Fallene is self taught, so when Fallene was trying to cut the polka dot fabric “on grain,” like most of us, she had no clue what he meant. Fast forward to putting the garment on the mannequin, Bryce said the garment “looked like it was melting” ‘cause it wasn’t cut “on grain.” Apparently, Bryce ended up nixing the top and creating something himself, thus, the entire design was entirely Bryce and none of Fallene.  Before the show, Fallene collapsed in tears because she had no part in the final creation of their design.

Kim Kardashian joined Michael Kors and Nina Garcia on the judging panel at the live fashion show. As for the fashions, while a few of the models looked like your basic garden variety drag queens on the boulevard, a few stood out and won me over – and obviously a few did not.  Joshua and Julie created a contemporary bedazzled matador outfit.  The classic PR question this season has been where would the model or a woman where this outfit. A matador outfit/costume is only appropriate for a bull fight.  I don’t rightly recall RSVP’ing to participate in a bull fight.  Bert and Viktor finally pulled together a Victorian top and a red and green drapery-type skirt that clashed with the top – emphasis on “drapery.” Viktor pushed as hard as he could to incorporate his ideas as they were with Bert’s, but his efforts missed the mark. While I didn’t like Bert’s condescending attitude towards Bert, I liked Bert’s top better.  My favorite look was Laura and Anthony’s red outfit with feathers on the shoulders.  As Michael Kors said, if the model were not on stilts, it would still be a chic outfit. While I’m not a fan of tattoos in the least, especially big ones, Kimberly and Becky created the cutest green ensemble to show off their model’s shoulder tattoo.  Doing what each woman did best, Becky created the one-shoulder, military-style, two-tone green jacket, and Kimberly created the hunter green pant.  Like Laura and Anthony’s design, this outfit would completely transfer to a non-stilted woman on the street.  Michael said this outfit will make every woman want to get a tattoo. I don’t know about that, but with the way costume and make-up go nowadays, I’m sure there is faux body art out there that a woman could apply when she’s ready to wear this and remove it when she wants a different look.

Olivier and Anya moved on to the next round after their presentation. Joshua and Julie, Bert and Viktor, and Fallene and Bryce had the lowest scores.  As much as Bryce complained about Fallene’s lack of skill, the judges did not like his – solely his – design as it contained clichéd dance references with the spaghetti-strapped tank and tulle skirt. Ironically the hint of pizzazz that the judges liked was the feathered hat Fallene created.

At the final judging, my face melted when the judges saved Bryce and left Fallene on the chopping block, but they really didn’t have any choice after he threw her under the bus and said the creation was hers when in fact the only part that was Fallene’s was the only part of the design that they liked – the hat.  Finally, the judges and I synced up, and they chose Laura and Anthony’s creation as the winner with Laura receiving immunity next week.

Season 9, Episode 3: “Go Big Or Go Home” (originally aired August 11, 2011)

Make it work and watch Project Runway, Thursdays at 9/8c on Lifetime.

Images courtesy of Lifetime

So You Think You Can Dance Q&A: Last Beast Standing

So 19-year-old Melanie Moore from Marietta, GA is the Season 8 winner of So You Think You Can Dance. I daresay the news surprised very few, although I’d also guess you’d be hard-pressed to find a viewer who didn’t think she deserved it, 100%.

She joined us on a conference call to talk about how she handled the pressure of being this year’s frontrunner, where she’s headed after the tour, and why she thinks she found such success on the show.

We’ve heard her mention once or twice that she’s pretty outgoing, and that she didn’t think that part of her personality came across on television. This is true, she says, and also let us in on the knowledge that she’d been voted Homecoming Queen at her high school. Melanie shared, “I’m more chatty usually but I’ve been so focused during the competition so maybe you haven’t seen how outgoing I really am.”

For those of you who don’t remember, Melanie is an art major at Fordham University in New York City. She talked a little bit as to why she majored in art as opposed to dance, calling it “a nice compromise between me and my mom” since “art is my second love.” She always knew she wanted to be in New York City, she loves it there and it is, of course, “the place to be for dance.” Dance is “so hard to break into…and I could get hurt. I could break my leg tomorrow and never dance again…it’s smarter to have a backup plan.”

A little morbid, but true. When your career is naturally short-lived and physically demanding enough to cause permanent injury, perhaps it is smarter to major in something more practical. Still, now that she’s won the show she plans to switch her major to dance and maybe even raise her comfort level with choreographing so that she can stretch her career past the years she’s able to continue to perform at this level.

Some of the inspiration to learn more about what it takes to be a choreographer comes from working with the ones who are part of the show, especially Sonya Tayeh. Melanie says Sonya “challenged me the most, and she pushed me so hard. She’s so inspiring through the whole process, and she really cares about all of us. I couldn’t have asked for anyone better – she formed a personal relationship in addition to the one between a choreographer and dancer. She’s amazing.”

Aside from Sonya’s work, Melanie cited the ballroom and disco routines as the most challenging, since she’d “never had a class in those styles. The NappyTabs Hip-Hop routing with Twitch “hit really hard. It was super fast and challenging…Twitch really got me through it.” She’s most proud of the American Tango she and Marko tackled, the hardest for her because “we’re connected the whole time. We worked and kept working, pounded it into the ground. In the end it wasn’t perfect but it was good. We wanted our first ballroom number to come out well.”

Much of the discussion on the conference call centered around the belief from the judges (and many fans) that she had the best chance to win it all. Melanie impressed me as one of those rare artists who understands confidence isn’t the same thing as conceit, and that in order to be successful you must be able to blend that confidence with both your passion and a humble nature. She claimed “I was told from the beginning that I could win, and I definitely thought I had a chance, but then I’d stand up next to the others and I didn’t know how America could pick a favorite. I felt confident with the work I had done. I tried to stay focused…didn’t want to put any pressure on myself thinking I was the favorite.”

Melanie said before the finale that she thought Sasha would emerge the victor, and on the call she supported that statement. “Sasha is an amazing dancer, and she really grew throughout the competition. I’m so inspired by her. We weren’t close at the beginning, but as she opened up in the competition she opened up to us, too. I love her.”

Melanie earned a whopping 47% of the final vote, a shockingly large margin considering there were four dancers still remaining. She “really has no idea [why people voted for her], I was shocked I got that many. I tried to make sure my personality came through, to laugh and never take myself too seriously. Hopefully that made me relatable.”

When asked to what she attributed her success to on the show, she replied instantly and it didn’t turn out to be a ‘what’ so much as a ‘who’. “I did so well because of my partnership with Marko. He’s so strong, and we fed off one another. We put so much hard work in at the beginning – and I’m not saying everyone didn’t – but we rented studio space at night. The performances needed to come together before we got onstage. I’m really nitpicky, and I know he wanted to kick me sometimes, but he’s so fantastic.”

We heard several of the guest judges offer Melanie jobs, most notably Lady Gaga and Kenny Ortega, who recently signed on to do the Dirty Dancing remake (I kind of want to kill myself for just having to type those three words). Would Melanie be interested? “I feel like it would be electric to be part of it. It’s such a fun movie, and they’ve got a great choreographer.” She wouldn’t rule out Lady Gaga either.

As far as what’s next for her (after the tour, of course) she plans to use the ten days off to “take some classes, because I can’t take that much time off.” Her boyfriend is moving back to college, so she’ll “help him move back into school, step out of the spotlight for a couple of minutes anyway. It’s been all about me for a while, so it’s time to do something for him.”

Long term her “dream has always been to be part of a company, but I just want to sustain myself dancing, so I’m open to any of the options that are opened to me because of the show.”

She’d also love to come back as an all-star. “Oh, I already told them without a doubt, no matter what I’m doing I want to come back.”

With all the sweeping praise (with a few critiques sprinkled in), was there a comment that really stood out for her? “Nothing they said stuck out in particular. What they say means a lot, but how I felt about the dance is most important. At the end of the day that’s what matters.”

I like this girl. She’s got a good head on her shoulders, and what I hope is a bright future ahead of her.

Burn Notice Review: The Man of Troubled Waters

On this week’s episode of Burn Notice, a man from Fi’s past comes to Miami to pretty much just blow a hole in Michael and Fiona’s relationship which was, to begin with, already on pretty shaky ground. Also, Mike and Jesse turn kidnapper in the Caribbean, and Maddie’s got a new boyfriend. Ooh-la-la.

We start off this week with Mike and Fi analyzing the pictures of the bomb that Mr. Unknown (aka Mastermind behind the kill-Max-frame-Mike operation) planted to take out fake Mike and get rid of some unwanted evidence. Now, Mike and Fi are using the pictures of the bomb to try to assess who would be the likely maker of it, because as Mike tells us in a voiceover: the more sophisticated the bomb, the more specialized the maker has to be, which makes it more easily identifiable. Fi and Mike don’t get very far in decoding it so they’ll need outside help. Reluctantly Fi admits that she knows a guy and Mike, picking up on her hesitation, asks if there’s any bad blood between the two of them. Fi tells Mike, “he likes me just fine,” and without too many questions Mike tells her to call him in.

The friend: Gavin Rossdale guest stars as Armand, the friend of Fi’s who’s going to be helping out this week. Now, I don’t know exactly what Armand does except dress in nice suits and look all thug millionaire, but apparently he can track down the bomb guy and he’s willing to do it for Fi for free just out of the kindness of his heart… but of course… Fiona must first do him a little favor. And by little, I mean steal an armored truck from a weapons manufacturer that’s loaded up like Fort Knox. This is probably a suicide mission, and the only way Mike can get Sam to help Fi out on this one is his promise to buy him a month’s worth of mojitos. But still, Sam’s a little wary about this one. As he should be.

Mike will be sitting out this particular mission. Agent Pearce is back in town and is keeping him on a short leash. Turns out the lead she had sending her to Cairo turned out to be a bust. Now she’s back in Miami and raring to continue the search for Max’s killer. Right after this here mission: The CIA has had a tip about this guy named Cahill who apparently sells information to really bad guys. They get a tip that Cahill will be in the Caribbean and Pearce and Mike are tasked with finding out who he’s meeting and then kidnapping him. A good old snatch and grab. While Mike is expecting some kind of team for this operation, Pearce tells him that they are the team. The CIA wants to keep this on the down low, so any additional help that they get would have to already have a security clearance. And that’s how Jesse joins the party, reluctantly.

I think it’s clear to say that the gang pretty much doesn’t like being pulled into the CIA’s work. Perhaps it’s because their work is mostly thankless and involves great personal risk with zero reward. That may be it, or maybe it’s because they’re just plain old fashioned rogues. Whatever it is, Jesse this week is not happy to be up on deck. He’s taking vacation from his government gig to help out and let’s Michael know that he owes him. Big. The three of them (Pearce, Mike, and Jesse) head off to the islands.

It’s a good thing that Mike brought backup, because what the three of them just walked into is way over their heads. The simple snatch and grab, has turned into a drop-off as it turns out Cahill is meeting with Miles Vanderwall, a sadistic mercenary who now has classified government information in his hands. The team grabs Cahill but on the way back to their boat they find out that Vanderwall has taken over the island leaving the team at a 20 to 1 disadvantage. After interrogating Cahill they find out that Vanderwall was hired to launch a series of attacks in South America, driving the US out and granting his employers (the Pyramid Group) a monopoly on the country and all the oil wells therein.

With the mercenaries running over the island the possibility of lying low and waiting for them to just trip over their little group doesn’t sit well with Michael. So he takes the lead and decides to charge in their camp like he owns the place. Mike tells Vanderwall that he’s part of internal security hired by Pyramid Group and that Cahill was going to double cross them. Now Cahill is the back held prisoner by Jesse to corroborate their story, which he does eagerly to get them all out of this alive. Because while Cahill is not guilty of leaking to Mike, the reason they knew where to find him is because he leaked to someone before that. So, if Mike gets caught he’s going to tell Vanderwall about Cahill’s loose lips which would then put Cahill’s life in danger.

It doesn’t take long to convince Vanderwall of his story, maybe it’s because in his profession he’s always looking out and expecting someone to come up sneaking behind him to double cross him. So when Michael presents him with the opportunity he runs with it. Mike tricks Vanderwall into dividing his forces, turning against his superior who Mike says is a traitor, and meeting with undercover CIA agents who promptly arrest him. Now there was a whole back and forth about this as Vanderwall is forced to question Michael’s veracity. But of course, Michael’s charm pulls through as he is quickly able to assure Vanderwall that there’s no way this great commander (Vanderwall) could be tricked by some “super genius” mastermind which Mike would obviously have to be in order to get him to take out his superior and send away all his men. I mean, what are the odds of that happening?

Back with Armand, Fi gets an unexpected visitor at her and Michael’s pad. It’s Armand and he’s come bearing gifts, brand new automatic rifles. Oh, the way to a girl’s heart. Still, Fi is very standoffish with Armand and tells him that she wants to do this job without guns. Armand seems surprised by this, and asks what happened to the Fi that he knows. He also tells her it doesn’t matter how she does it, as long as the job gets done. Armand leaves hinting that he’s found some fascinating stuff about the bomb maker and can’t wait to share it with Fi once she finishes her part of the bargain. He leaves asking her if Michael is worth all the trouble that they’re getting into.

Fi and Sam enlist Madelyn’s help to infiltrate the weapon factory. And while Mike is easy asking no questions about Armand, Maddie refuses to help unless Fi lets loose some of the facts. Fi tells Sam and Madelyn that Armand helped her get out of Ireland, but in exchange for his help she had to do work for him and stand as lookout on one of his jobs. The job was a kidnapping and Fi tells Madelyn and Sam that she hated hurting someone who had done nothing wrong to her, it’s clear she’s still troubled by this event. Madelyn agrees to help out. Her job is to pretend to be a stranded motorist and ask to use their bathroom, when she gets there she’s to dump a smoke bomb into the trash which will set off the sprinklers. The water will then counteract with the metallic sodium that Fi sent into a care package into the factory. Thus distracted, Sam and Fi run into the gates and basically steal the truck.

Once the job is done, Fi meets with Armand who spends his time prodding at her and Michael’s relationship. Armand tells Fi that she’s meant for greater things than an absentee boyfriend who has a lot of nasty enemies. Armand tells Fi that the two of them have a lot in common, this idea Fi quickly dismisses before Armand lets her in on a little secret that he’s been holding about her most recent mission. The truck that he had her steal belonged to a rival of his who had presold its goods to a Mexican cartel. When word got out that the goods were stolen, the guy got dismembered. Fiona is horrified by this, of course. “What kind of man sends you for my help?” Armand asks her before he tells her that he misses her. Armand leaves telling her that if she ever needs him he’s just a phone call away. Yeah, because I’m sure she’s dying to talk to him after that.

But Armand has made his point, or so it seems. Mike and Fi are out at a restaurant waiting for Madelyn and her new man Ben, when Mike asks Fi how the job went. Fi snaps at him asking if it really matters because he’s already gotten what he wants. She rips into him about not asking more questions beforehand and Mike gets that hint that something went wrong with Armand. Fi tells him that she and Armand used to date until she found out that in order to meet her, he bribed and killed people to set it up. Fi sort of tells Michael that his not asking questions makes it easy for his conscience, while she is stuck holding the bag for the things that she does for him. Madelyn and Ben show up and the conversation is interrupted. As the scene ends Mike makes a toast to supportive partners and Fi takes her glass of wine and drinks really deep.

Season 5, Episode 8: “Hard Out” (Originally aired August 11, 2011)

Burn Notice airs Thursdays at 9/8c on USA Network.

Photos by David Giesbrecht/USA Network.

So You Think You Can Dance Review: Tonight We Dance, Tomorrow We Celebrate

It’s hard to believe that the So You Think You Can Dance finale has come and gone so quickly. As I take a look down memory lane, the fall season six was just plain wrong. To see season five winner Jeanine Mason jipped of her reigning year as America’s Favorite Dancer after only a few months didn’t seem right. And of course, the following winner, Russell Ferguson, only reigned a few months longer, and with the expected baseball preemption, it all just put a damper on the forward momentum of the season. It was also the first time that the format of the show underwent dramatic changes like no public voting until the Top 16 and a Top 6 Finale. Nothing against fabulous dancers like Russell, Jakab Carr, Ellenore Scott and Jonathan “Legacy” Perez, but major fail.

This season has been quite the opposite. Sure, it was predictable. Who couldn’t see a Melanie-Sasha-Marko-Tadd final four coming a mile away? But at least the remaining contestants have been fairly consistent from the start, extremely surprising in terms of their performance skills and totally inspiring. The final four each got to perform with another contestant, an All-Star and show off with a solo. They also sat down with Cat for a quick interview.

Katie Holmes and Kenny Ortega joined Nigel and Mary on the panel this week for the final performance show. Mrs. Cruise is beautiful and all, but So You Think You Can Dance loves her way more than expected. For all her fame and performance past, she didn’t bring anything interesting and certainly didn’t give a lick of constructive criticism. It was the right time for it, but man was she boring.

MY FATE FOR THE TOP 4
4. TADD and Joshua Allen (Season 4)
Hip-hop | Lil C’ | “Hustle Hard” by Ace Hood
Lil C’ created himself a little “swag sandwich,” but unfortunately for Tadd, he was just the mayo while Joshua was both the meat and bread. As a b-boy, this isn’t exactly Tadd’s forte, but his body looked so stiff, and he also appeared to be trying so hard to keep up with Joshua whose movement looked effortless. Mary commented on his “sweetie pie factor,” but said he overcame it in this piece and has been hustling hard every week. Nigel found it too sweet and not grimy enough. I was happy to see Lil C’ choreograph a number. It’s been awhile, and he’s not so much about story, like Nappytabs; he just sells it to you straights and has a nice edge.

3. SASHA and Mark Kanemura (Season 4)
Jazz | Sonya Tayeh | “Raise Your Weapon” by Deadmau5
Sasha set the bar high when she said in her package that “this is the perfect dance for the finale because it’s exactly who I am. Bring it on.” Those are fighting words. Sonya gave her the biggest compliment by saying “this piece is my ode to Sasha because in her life she handles all the obstacles with such grace and integrity.” In this number, Mark represented her obstacles. What I found most intriguing was the way Sonya can think of the most creative transitions. She choreographs movement in ways I’ve never seen on the stage before, and she does her best work when she’s focused on strong female leads. Here Sasha met the challenge, though Mark and his abs far exceeded it. The judges loved them both. “You realize you just beat up Lady Gaga’s principal dancer,” Nigel said. I’m glad someone mentioned it since his name was never brought up when she guested.

2. MELANIE and Robert Roldan (Season 7)
Contemporary | Stacey Tookey | “Sacrifice” Sinead O’Connor
What a dreamy combination? It was as if these two danced together forever. At one point it looked like they’d melted into each other; that’s how in sync they were. Katie believes every story Melanie tells with her movement, and Mary noted how she mesmerizes the room when she dances, apparently a hush falls over the entire audience. I did fall silent from my own home, so I guess her magical ability also transcends outside of the studio.

1. MARKO and Lauren Froderman (Season 7)
Jazz | Tessandra Chavez | “Shirk” by Me’Shell NDegéocello
It’s a story we’ve all played a part in before. A relationship you care about that just won’t work out. It was an extremely emotional piece. Lauren was crying from the first few seconds, and Tessandra was crying at the end. They had to dance like they were skimming the clouds, and they did in perfect synchronicity. I could feel their pain through the screen. Mary thought Marko lived in the nuances of the routine. Nigel said he’d been pretty disappointed all night but during this dance Marko made himself present.

DOUBLES SHOWDOWN
6. MELANIE and MARKO
Disco | Doriana Sanchez | “I Feel Love” (12’ Version) by Donna Summer
Being a human mirrorball is tough, guys. Disco pretty much disappeared all season long, so welcome back Doriana. The routine was pretty fun, but it’s also the most unsteady that I’ve ever seen Marko and Melanie. The music didn’t help them. There was no solid beat to grab onto. Kenny felt like they “jumped out of the screen of Saturday Night Fever.” You’re crazy, Kenny. Mary saw the struggle during their lifts. Nigel congratulated Marko for digging deep when it looked like he wouldn’t be able to pull off a straight-armed lift, but thought it wasn’t the best execution from either. BOTH LOSE.

6. TADD and SASHA
Cha-cha-cha | Mark Ballas | “Raindrops” by Basement Jaxx
For what was supposed to be a ferocious piece, it fell flat and didn’t even come off like a Latin number. I think it was choreographed well, but it was so oddly mangled by the dancers, it’s hard to tell. Katie stood by the motto of “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all,” so she just commended them for getting so far. Mary pointed out all the missed connections, and Nigel said it made the audience uncomfortable. They put Sasha a tad bit above Tadd. (I’ve been waiting to do that all season.) Overall, they both took a few steps back in the competition at the wrong time. NEITHER WINS.

6. TADD and MARKO
Stepping | Chuck Maldonado | “B.O.B.” by Outkast
Poor, Marko! He looked so awkward and out of place, and it didn’t help that Chuck choreographed to one of the fastest songs of all time. Have you ever really watched a dance floor when the DJ spins this song in a club? It’s absolute mayhem! I didn’t get the whole miner aspect of their characters, jumping in and out of a wheel barrel. Still, Tadd was fantastic, and I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. Katie and Mary loved it. Nigel noted that they had some difficulty and weren’t exactly together but kept his criticism pretty light and unspecific. TADD WINS.

6. SASHA and MARKO
Broadway | Spencer Liff | “Whatever Lola Wants” by Ella Fitzgerald
Marko has gotten the kooky, fun characters this season, so it was nice to see him get the chance to let loose this week. Sasha was subtly sexy with a fierce bite. Both danced with an ease and sense of confidence, and the number really was adorable. How Marko popped up, and Sasha caught him before he slid right down her body. Kenny summed it up well: “Marko, I didn’t even recognize that it was you. From leading man to character actor, fantastic transition. And Sasha, from warrior princess to sophisticated lady. I do not believe that there isn’t anything that you cannot do.” Nigel felt Sasha was a better warrior than a vamp and felt Marko actually lacked character. I call shenanigans, Nigel. MARKO WINS.

6. MELANIE and TADD
Jazz | Ray Leeper | “Show Me What You’re Working With” by Sista Monica
Ray characterized it as a sexy, naughty and dysfunctional number. Melanie definitely needed to add one more good and dirty number to her repertoire, and Tadd always shines when he gets to poke fun at himself. Overall, it was extremely story driven and funny without taking away from the actual dancing. Tadd even got down to his knickers. Thank you, Ray. Melanie had the judges from her first second on stage. She pulled in Nigel and Kenny’s attention by being so in the zone, and everyone agreed that Tadd redeemed himself. MELANIE WINS.

6. SASHA and MELANIE
Contemporary | Stacey Tookey | “Heart Asks Pleasure First” by Ahn Trio
Kenny called them “two actresses that can dance.” They were a powerful and beautiful pair. He pointed to Stacey’s interpretive choreography, using the idea of these supportive but bound housewives behind their picket fences. I really enjoy seeing these two dance together. Cat noted, “I think what’s interesting, they’re so different and yet when they’re together it works beautifully.” Cat you are so smart, and that’s my favorite part of this whole competition. BOTH WIN.

By the end of the show, I had to agree with Nigel that a woman was going to win. Yes, he was insensitive to say this right to the boys faces after they performed together, but it doesn’t make him any less right. But before we get to the winner let’s welcome back the Top 20 contestants and a very cool Sonya Tayeh Jazz piece. These guys are as good as ever. Before the winner was crowned, the panel had a chance to pick their favorite pieces from the season. This year, Nigel and Mary welcomed Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Sonya Tayeh, Tyce Diorio, Robin Anti and Lil’ C to sit alongside them. They all got to pick the numbers they truly loved from the season.

• Mary picked three Contemporary numbers: Tyce’s “Fool of Me” with Sasha and Kent (my pick), Mandy Moore’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart” piece with Melanie and Neil, and Melanie and Marko’s “Turn to Stone” performance by Travis.
• Nigel surprisingly got behind two hip-hop routines: Melanie and Marko’s Nappytab’s number to “I Got You” and Sasha and Twitch’s “Misty Blue” piece, choreographed by Christopher Scott. With his bonus pick, Nigel picked Melanie and Sasha’s Sonya Jazz performance to “Game On.”
• Robin unsurprising went with one of the sexier performances, Tadd and Lauren’s Jazz routine, choreographed by Mandy Moore to “Another One Bites The Dust.”
• Lil’ C stuck with his Hip-hop comrades and chose the Nappytabs “Break Ya Neck” routine danced by Miranda Maleski and Robert Taylor, and then went Broadway with Ashley and Chris’ “Please, Mister Jailer” piece, choreographed by Spencer Liff.
• Jesse Tyler Ferguson, the fabulous man that he is, picked Marko and Allison’s Contemporary piece by Sonya Tayeh to “I Know It’s Over” and Caitlynn and Pasha’s “Malajunta” Argentine tango from Miriam and Leonardo.

Cat, who was on FIRE during performance night with some fantastic quotables and moments, also got a pick, but let’s relish in her fabulousness first.

1. “If Dorothy was in the hood that’s what she’d be wearing.”
2. Nobody puts Cat in a corner, especially not Kenny Ortega in his Dirty Dancing remake.
3. “Do we have a small ogre down there?”
4. “Please let me be Snow White. Hi-ho!”
5. Then, she wanted to see Tyce’s Top 8 group number, “The Circus Sets Up” from Water for Elephants. Nice choice.

Now that we’ve got all the fluff done and behind us, let’s get to the infamous crown. Oh wait, not yet! There’s a tap number from the winner of the UK’s So You Think You Can Dance. Matt Flint was joined by Jess and this season’s tapper Nick Young. It was by far my favorite tap piece ever performed on that stage. Group numbers from the Top 10 guys and girls were also rehashed.

Nooooow, we can get to the infamous crown. And the winner is…MELANIE! Did anyone else think or even hope for another outcome? The judges, especially Nigel, may have shoved her down our throats. Choregraphers and all-stars may have given interviews professing their love for the girl and their desire to work with her. But, Melanie, truly worked hard for that title and earned it. I also wholly agreed with Sasha coming in second, with Marko and Tadd respectively trailing. America finally got a finale 100% correct, at least in my opinion. And as cheesy as it always sounds, each of the contestants should be proud of everything they accomplished.

So Poptimal readers, did your favorite dancer win? What finale number would you have replayed? Is it strange that barely anyone made it on Mary’s hot tamale train? What guest judge would you have replaced one-pick Robin Antin with? My vote goes to Neil Patrick Harris. And more importantly, was this the best season ever? It’s been a great season recapping with you!

Season 8, Episode 22 and 23: “Top 4 Perform” and “Episode 8.23″ (Originally aired August 10 and 11, 2011)

Images by Adam Rose/FOX

Hell’s Kitchen Review: Ramsay’s Diary – Entry 3

August 9, 2011

Dear Diary,

A great miracle of miracles happened this week in Hell’s Kitchen, but it wasn’t without great pain and utter humiliation- and I’m just speaking for myself. It was like the glory of urinating but only after passing a kidney stone the size of a beef Wellington. After elimination, Krupa decided to drink herself into a stupor and was well right hungover just in time for the day’s new challenge: Beer. I asked the cooks to create dishes prepared with different types of beer which would be served to and judged by two beer Sommeliers. The dishes were middling at best. Paul nearly killed the Sommeliers with his beer broth, so rancid that I wouldn’t have even given it to a stray cat. In a shocking turn of events (and I say that with as much sarcasm as a Scotsman is capable of) the score was tied (gasp!). But once again, Blue team pulled out a win. Again. To my delight, the mere mention of the Red team’s punishment sent Elise into a sobbing downward spiral of incoherent blubbering. But that wasn’t the miracle.

The night’s dinner service theme was, of course, beer. Red team started out well enough, with Elise shutting her yap long enough to get everyone into a groove. But Natalie on Blue team had to refire so many scallops I was sure that they had just officially become an endangered species. And while Jamie and Krupa’s poor communication ruined fish and meat, Tommy didn’t even prep the wellingtons properly, at which point Jonathan started acting like a big baby about it. About the same time, the old Elise came rearing her big fat head, dwarfed only by her big fat mouth and I just about grabbed her and Jonathan and threw diapers on them so they could shit the bed like the babies they were trying to be. I eventually had my bloody fill of shit apps and told Jonathan and Natalie to fuck off out of the kitchen. With the bollocks out of the way, both teams were finally able to finish service. I’m looking for greatness and it sure as shit didn’t happen tonight. So both teams lost. Blue nominated Natalie and Jonathan whilst Red picked Krupa and Jamie. It was abundantly clear that Krupa was in over her head even sober, so I took her jacket and she hit the skids. But I wasn’t finished yet. It was clear that each team was in dire need of a leader, so I wanted them to nominate a team leader. Blue
chose Will and Red, Jennifer.

Now diary, if you didn’t know, I’m a 12-Michelin star chef and because of that,  I like to stir the pot, that’s pretty much exactly what I did when asking each leader who they thought the weakest leader of their team could theoretically be. When Tommy and Carrie were hung out to dry I gave them a fighting chance: to lead the day’s challenge of updating American comfort food. Big shock- it was fucking chaos in the kitchen. Thankfully Wolfgang Puck had mercy on me and came down to join me in tasting the food. But in no time, his name quickly changed to Wolfgag Puck as each team served up god awful pasta to one of the greatest chefs in the world. It didn’t end there though, as Blue team refused to bring their pizza dish up for the ensuing battle. Carrie’s pizza was so drastically undercooked it could have been served at a raw bar. The Blue team pizza, however, was something out of a horror movie. Dripping with green goo, and topped with runny white cream, I could have prepped a better pie by rolling out some dough and shitting on it. What a mess.

When dinner service started, I see Jonathan walking around like Frankenstein’s monster and I knew I was already in the shit before we even started. Carrie’s rolled out pizza dough looked like a pair of worn out knickers and it’s all I can do to not wrap them around her numb skull. And of course Jonathan can’t cook a fucking cappellini to save his life and blames it on his sore neck and all I can think about is what color panties are wrapped around his dumb ass because he’s certainly not sucking it up and being a man about it. Whilst the blue team continues to screw the pooch, Red team miraculously kept their shit together. Amazing. This, Diary, was THE MIRACLE. Nothing came to the pass that wasn’t great, no food was sent back. Even when the meat station was overloaded with orders, Elise genuinely proved to everyone that she knows how to handle meat, if you know what I mean. It wasn’t even a contest; Red team walked away with the night, leaving Blue with their dicks in the wind. Blue team elimination nominees were Jonathon and Natalie for ruining appetizers. Natalie showed a bit of promise, but Jonathon showed a bit of his vagina when he had a bit of pain in his neck, so he had to go. And hopefully with him, he’s taken the pain in “my” neck along with him and service will improve with the remaining hopefuls.

 

Season 9, Episodes 7 & 8: “11 Chefs Compete/10 Chefs Compete” (originally aired August 8 & 9, 2011)

Try and stand the heat in Hell’s Kitchen, Monday and Tuesday nights at 8/7c on FOX.

Images courtesy of FOX

Pretty Little Liars Review: End of Summer Season Prediction Time

Things are coming down to an arbitrary wire now that the ads are proclaiming that the summer season of Pretty Little Liars is coming to a close after two more episodes. One can only imagine what kind of crazy, messed up cliffhanger they’ll leave us with but until then let’s focus on what went down this week and see if it offers any clues.

For me, the most intriguing stuff is happening with dear little Aria who’s relationship with her dreamy old high school teacher continues to slide into Awkwardville. She tried to vamp it up a little this week by getting skanky with him in his office at the college but instead of a passionate night of fandangling they just ended up eating vending machine food and avoiding the fact that they have a pretty crappy relationship.

To make matters worse Aria is having sexytime dreams about the hunky bad boy, Jason, who may or may not be the guy who killed Alison. And as many of us expected weeks ago, Jason showed up at the end of the episode and proclaimed feelings for Aria before planting a big kiss on her lips. She backed away and said she’s not available but you know she wants a piece of that! ARIA END OF SUMMER SEASON PREDICTION: She’ll dump Fitz and start sneaking around with Jason against the advice of her gal pals.

But whereas one girl is falling for Jason, another is becoming increasingly convinced he’s a baddie. Spencer, in one of her usual snooping sessions spots Jason yelling at a construction worker for almost going into his shed. Curious as to what he’s hiding in there she gets Emily to help her break into the shed where they find a photographic dark room complete with surveillance equipment and creepy closeup photos of Aria sleeping. They suddenly hear Jason coming home so they make a hasty escape that makes it obvious to him that someone broke in. Convinced that they need proof of his creepiness, Spencer and Emily return to the shed only to find it now empty and devoid of evidence. SPENCER END OF SUMMER SEASON PREDICATION: She’ll continue her sleuthy ways to investigate Jason and will ultimately find out about Aria liking him. A nasty and possibly friendship-ending fight will ensue.

Emily continued to get the snot kicked out of her by A this week when he/she revealed that he/she has possession a copy of Emily’s hospital drug test results that show her testing positive for steroid use. Obviously it was A who injected her with steroids but since she can’t tell anyone that she has to keep the test results secret or risk losing her swimming scholarships. As penance, A makes Emily sabotage her budding romance with Samara by forcing her to give her phone number to one of Samara’s friends. Samara naturally finds out about it immediately and Emily has no argument to defend her actions since she can’t rely on the truth. Emily could have easily just offered her phone number to the whole group as they were leaving but I suppose I shouldn’t armchair quarterback these kinds of things. EMILY END OF SUMMER SEASON PREDICTION: Her relationship with Samara will completely fizzle out and her drug test results will get released anyway to make for some very angry parents who will threaten moving her to Texas.

And finally we have Hannah who was kind of detached from the other girls this week. On top of learning that she’s being asked to be a bridesmaid in her dad’s upcoming wedding, she has to deal with the continuing crisis of her mysterious boyfriend. Last week, she helped Caleb escape from someone she thought was an undercover cop trying to bust him for his illegal phone business. The guy turns up again this week and turns out not to be a cop but rather a private eye sent by Caleb’s birth mom to find him. We learn that dear old mom is now pretty wealthy and living in Oprah’s community in California AKA Lap of Luxury.

Hannah maturely convinces Caleb to call her and see what happens if they talk. He does this and before you know it Caleb is saying goodbye to Hannah to board a plane to California to meet mommy dearest in person. Ouch. HANNAH END OF SUMMER SEASON PREDICTION: Hannah will be sad next week but a new guy will come into her life very soon that will tempt her away from the long distance relationship with Caleb. Oh and she also may or may not sabotage her father’s wedding somehow.

In other character news, Blind Jenna is preparing for corrective vision surgery which would restore her eyesight and force me to stop calling her Blind Jenna. The girls are also convinced that this would allow Jenna to shoot them. Can you really blame her though?

Aria’s troubled brother, Mike, continues to be a pill but this week it starts to look serious when he spends all day under the covers in a dark bedroom. His dad, played by Chad Lowe who freaks me out how similar he moves to brother Rob, is now nervous that this is a serious problem. He is particularly disturbed as it reminds him of his dead brother. Sounds to me like depression so hopefully they get the guy some help and fast!

That about wraps it up for this week! Remember, there are only two episodes left before the girls take a little break so stay tuned and post your predictions below!

Pretty Little Liars Season 2, Episode 9: “Picture This” (originally aired August 9, 2011.)

Pretty Little Liars airs Tuesdays at 8/7c on ABC Family.

Images courtesy of ABC Family.

White Collar Review: Decision Time

According to Neal, Mozzie and Orson Welles, “if you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story.” This week, White Collar’s season three comes to a pause with the midseason finale, and Neal faces the decision about whether to stay or go with the treasure. Of course, Jeff Eastin & co. have cooked up quite the cliffhanger.

The finale opens with Mozzie (Willie Garson) surprised to find Neal (Matt Bomer) waiting for him at a rendezvous. Since their blowup at the end of last episode, they’ve avoided speaking and Neal, who admits he has a life in NYC, tells Mozzie he’s not sure he wants to leave. A not so thrilled Mozzie still agrees to try to get the Degas painting back from the fence, Rusty.

At the FBI office, Neal meets Peter’s mentor, Agent Cramer (Beau Bridges), who is the head of DC Art Crimes Unit. Peter (Tim DeKay) and Cramer reveal that the Degas painting has surfaced and they are going to find it. During this meeting, Peter, since he suspects Neal has the treasure, openly glares while they discuss the Degas.

A nervous Neal returns to his apartment to tell Mozzie the FBI has located the Degas. They agree to stop Peter and get the painting back themselves. Mozzie very assertively gives Neal an ultimatum—“stay with Peter or come with me. Choose a side Neal.”

Agent Cramer is having dinner at the Burke’s home with Peter and Elizabeth, reminiscing about Peter’s previous cases with Neal. Cramer has nicknamed the partners, “Gotham City’s Finest Cop & Robber” but is wary of Neal, and Peter’s close relationship with him. He tells Peter, “you’re awfully close to the guy who you think stole the treasure.” Cramer believes “once a con always a con” and warns Peter “he will be taking down a friend” if he has to arrest Neal.

Back in the FBI interrogation room, Cramer and Peter are questioning Neal, and when they ask Neal what he would do if he stole the Degas he admits he would fence it. The FBI has their eye on two fences, Gus and Rusty. Neal states he’d use Rusty and Peter says they’ll pick him up. So as to not look guilty, Neal helps to apprehend Rusty.

Mozzie confronts Rusty about the Degas painting but he refuses to tell Mozzie the name of the person who has it. As they talk, Neal and Peter show up to arrest Rusty, who runs away but not before Mozzie picks his pocket for his cell phone. He deletes all references to Neal and the Degas. He then gives the phone to Neal, who thinks if he helps catch Rusty then Peter will ease up on him.

On his way back up to the FBI office, Neal gets stuck in the elevator with Agent Matthews (Anna Chlumsky), who he lied to in a previous episode when he pretended to be an Interpol agent to find out about the u-boat manifest. As I watched this part, I squirmed a bit on Neal’s behalf and wondered how he was going to get out of this situation. I shouldn’t have doubted the always smooth Caffrey, who covers by telling her that he’s undercover for Interpol and that there is a mole in the White Collar unit. Next, we learn from Peter they suspect a black-market dealer, Elliot Richmond bought the Degas and could have it stashed in his NYC penthouse.

To check out Richmond, Peter and Diana set up a “buy” with for rare guns, HK MP5. Since Neal doesn’t like guns, he sits this one out in the van with Agent Cramer. Just as Richmond is about to say what piece he will exchange for the guns Peter cuts off the bug, which leaves Neal out of the loop. However, after some investigating of his own, Neal sneaks a peek at a piece of paper that Agent Matthews is carrying, which states they’ll serve a search warrant at 1PM tomorrow at Richmond’s penthouse.

Neal calls Mozzie, who is shopping for island attire, and says they must get to the Degas tomorrow before the feds. As Mozzie hangs up, Matthew Keller appears behind him menacingly eating an mango with a knife. He is not happy that Mozzie almost got him killed. He then says he is “here as a courtesy” and wants to be cut in on the treasure. Or he will “make you give me what I want.”

Later that night, Peter is at home obsessing over Neal’s tracking data. Elizabeth (Tiffani Thiessen) is suddenly convinced Neal stole the treasure because as she tells Peter, “the last time you obsessed this much you caught him.” Neal is busy painting a fake Degas when Mozzie walks in with the news Keller is back, but Neal says they’ll worry about him after they get the Degas back. Neal has a somewhat crazy plan with only a ten-minute window to pull it off, which causes Mozzie to drink a very large glass of wine.

Neal and Moz being to execute their plan. Mozzie brings a bazooka, which really has the fake Degas inside, to Richmond in his penthouse for a possible sale. Then Moz hacks into the security system to gain control of the elevators. As Neal walks in with Peter, Peter notices his lock picking set in his pocket and shuts him in a storage room. Moz shuts down the elevator with Peter and Diana on their way up the penthouse.

Meanwhile, Neal has another tool to pick the lock of the door, sneaks past the security and slides into the elevator. In the penthouse, Neal finds the real Degas on the back of another painting. He swaps the paintings just as security restarts the elevator. As Peter and Diana (Marsha Thomason) arrive in the penthouse, Neal watches from the balcony as Peter serves the search warrant to Richmond. Then he throws his hat and jumps off the building. He pulls the parachute and casually lands, takes if off and puts his hat back on. The FBI nickname for Neal “James Bonds” is so appropriate after watching this. I have to say this scene from Neal on the elevator to landing after his jump is one of my favorite from this 3^rd season…maybe from the whole series. From the camera angles to the music, it was executed flawlessly and I loved it! Bravo!

Back to the recap—Peter retrieves Neal, who has made it back in time, from the “locked” storage room. Later, at the FBI office, with Agent Cramer’s help, they prove the Degas painting is a forgery. Peter is very disappointed it wasn’t the paining from the treasure. Cramer also isn’t completely sure Neal has turned over a new leaf but is convinced he “wants to be here.”

Meanwhile, Agent Matthews tells Neal she has caught onto his little fib about being an undercover Interpol agent. Neal explains that he lied because “working with Peter is one of the best things that has happened to me,” and he wanted to know why Peter was freezing him out. She agrees to keep his secret safe.

Back at his apartment, Neal wants to celebrate regaining the Degas but Mozzie isn’t in the mood. He says, “it’s time for you to make a choice.” Neal finally admits he’s not leaving and “there are things about this life I’m not ready to give up.” Mozzie is disappointed and thinks Neal is fooling himself about this new life.

Elizabeth calls Peter and implores him to come home from the office instead of working late. As he gets into his car, Peter looks around and notices a cell phone on his dashboard just as it begins to ring. It’s Keller, who says he wants the treasure Caffrey stole. He then repeats something Elizabeth just said to Peter on the phone. Peter looks panic stricken as it dawns on him Keller did something to El. In slow motion, we see Peter walk into his house to see a mess in their (new and exquisite) kitchen and hear from Diana that Elizabeth was kidnapped. Peter snaps out of the slow motion when he sees Neal and says, “he took my wife.”

Wow! Jeff Eastin & co. really know how to craft a pretty much perfect (midseason) finale! It really had it all. The guest stars were fantastic and the casting of Beau Bridges as Peter’s mentor was spot on. He has this unique drawl and so convincingly delivers his lines. Next, what can I say about Ross McCall? Matthew Keller is such a badass villain and despite kidnapping Elizabeth, I still love him. Must be that accent… Hope that we continue to see both of them on White Collar in the future.

Will Peter blame Neal for Elizabeth’s kidnapping? How will Mozzie react? I’m sure that both Mozzie and Neal will be integral to helping find her. At the start of the season, I was a bit unsure about Neal having the treasure and the wedge it would put in Peter and Neal’s relationship. Part of me just wants them to get along but I also realize that I have grown to like the ebb and flow of their relationship. It keeps it more suspenseful and their relationship is truly like watching a game of chess. What will be the next move and will having the treasure blow up in Neal’s face? Can’t wait to get some answers.

Collars, see you after the hiatus!

Season 3, Episode 10 “Countdown” (original airdate August 9, 2011)

White Collar airs Tuesday nights at 9/8c on USA.

Images courtesy of David Giesbrecht and the USA Network

 

Hell’s Kitchen Review: We’re Not Finished Yet

The usual excitement of Hell’s Kitchen fizzled out quickly for me this week starting with episode six. It was the same old rehash of what’s become the standard for the show, mainly exhausted bickering between team members and the usual sending up of shitty food for service. That’s usually the best part but it was so mild that the producers seemed to just blow through the segments. The first challenge for this episode was an interesting one, albeit a pretty short segment but the chefs got to play with beer as the main ingredient for their semi-challenge of the day. Gordon introduced them to two beer sommeliers, Christina Perozzia and Hallie Beaune, who were able to look at all the various raw ingredients in front of them and conjure up an impressive beer inspired dish. The contestants had forty-five minutes to cook up any dish their little hearts desired using one or more of the provided beer flavors. Krupa’s throwback to her college days in the Hell’s Kitchen dorms the night before left her heaving at the sight of more alcohol and her remaining brain cells resulted in a little to be desired take on the beer fusion recipe. Since the competing blue team and red team had an uneven amount of teammates, one dish from the red team had to be ousted automatically and Krupa’s was deemed the worst. The rest of the teams had to rank their own members dishes from one to five, or worst to best. Carrie was put in last place by the reds and was overtly bitter about it but when she went up to face her competitor, Paul from the Blues, her dish was more than favorable to the judges and the red team scored the first point. The ladies took the lead even further when Elise hammered Jonathan’s fruity beer concoction but, once Natalie went up for the blue team against Jennifer, things turned around. Natalie scored a point, as did Will, and then it was up to Jamie and Tommy to break the tie. The two happened to make the exact same raspberry marinated duck dish and after a tough decision for the sommelier judges, Tommy came out on top.

The blue team was treated as VIP guest at the Long Beach Grand Prix in California and spent the rest of the day tearing around the track in Hell’s Kitchen designed race cars while the red team’s punishment left Elise boo-hooing, literally, at the thought of having to deal with the twenty truck deliveries that were on their way. Elise’s diva attitude had to be addressed but since she can’t keep her gums from flapping uncontrollably, the only response the team could get from her was the oh-so-classic reality show answer, “I’m not here to make friends.” We get it. Clearly you don’t care to make friends. Strangely, Elise, I don’t think friendship is what anyone’s looking for from you.

That night’s dinner service was themed a beer night with the new delectable dishes of venison and Belgium ale steamed mussels being introduced. Elise agreed to keep her squawking to a minimum and actually communicated really well with the red team, who had their dinner service off to a great start. The blue team was well on its way until the dreaded scallop appetizer reared its ugly head and began to torture one of the blue team’s top chefs, Natalie. Chef Ramsay blew his top every time the poor girl brought up her dish and when he found out she had cooked in excess of fifty scallops unsuccessfully, he really lost it. This is where I would have been really scared to be her. With a little coaching from Will, she finally pushed out some quality shellfish. The red team took a fast nose dive with Krupa’s shoddy meats and fish that were left either raw or overcooked every single time. It was a game of Hell’s Kitchen ping pong watching each team foul out on their food stations, red then blue, then back to red. Jonathan and Tommy couldn’t keep their stories straight on who was responsible for the inferior state of the beef wellingtons that were being turned out. Jonathan took a stupid, dumb risk and brought up wellington he knew was awful, and even admitted it to Chef Ramsay rather than just going with it. That cute little move along with Natalie’s raw sea bass had Ramsay sending both team mates shamefully marching back to the dorms. The remaining members of both teams managed to kick it into high gear and successfully finish their dinner services.

Both teams were declared the losers on this night so four nominees would be begging Chef Ramsay for a chance to stay in the game. Krupa admirably stepped up because of her horrible participation in the dinner service and, begrudgingly, the rest of the red team picked Jamie as their second choice. Carrie made mention to Ramsay, however, that Elise really should have been nominated and she’s absolutely right. Natalie and Jonathan were nominated from the blue team with good reason, although this is Natalie’s first bad dinner service and I know that Ramsay can see she has a lot more talent in her. I almost felt like she didn’t belong on the elimination line at all. In the end, Krupa, who I actually really liked personality wise, was eliminated but we’re left with some stern words from Chef Ramsay, “We’re not finished yet,” and a “to be continued.” Does this mean the elimination round isn’t over yet?? Will Elise finally go home?!

Episode seven commenced the next night and no, no more eliminations sadly. The big build up Ramsay was referring to was that it was time for each team to make a decision on who should be nominated as their team leaders. This should be easy. They’re pros when it comes to agreeing on important matters. The red team went right for Jennifer but Carrie felt adamant that she would have done a better job herself but the idea was laughed off quickly. The blue team wasted no time and made the smart decision to go with Will as their team leader, which is perfectly sensible. Now that both teams were happy with their choices, Ramsay made sure to stir things up by picking the chefs that were least qualified to be leaders, which happened to be Carrie and Tommy, and forcing the teams to follow their orders for the first challenge. It was loads of fun, let me tell you. Of course, it was a hell of a lot worse for the teams that actually had to deal with Carrie’s scattered thoughts and Tommy’s ridiculously low attention span. The crews had to take classic American dishes and update them in the most creative way they could imagine to hopefully impress their celebrity guest judge, Wolfgang Puck. Chef Puck gave constructive feedback to both teams which seemed to perform mediocrely in this challenge, but the real blunder was the last two dishes on the judging block. Carrie’s pizza was undercooked, therefore barely edible, however, Jonathan’s pizza was in a similar state but worse, partly due to Tommy’s terrible communication skills. Neither team scored a point but the Reds were already leading with an impressive two points (yikes) so they’re “win” entitled them to a trip outside the Hell’s Kitchen doors. I have to say, the blue team has been treated week after week with lavish outings and the red team only took a trip to the Laugh Factory. I love comedy clubs, they’re one of my favorite places, but compared to a ride on a yacht or day at the spa, I can’t help but feel like they got gypped a little.

Right about then is when Jonathan started losing his cool and couldn’t participate in prepping the kitchen due to a sudden pulled muscle, more than likely caused by trying to strangle Tommy behind the scenes for another blue team loss. I speculate, of course, but that would make for some good television, wouldn’t it? The night’s dinner service soon arrived and so did the verbal flogging. Carrie was back on pizza for the service, I’m not sure whose bright decision that was since she failed once again with it. Jonathan couldn’t cook capellini to save his life and between him and Natalie’s repeated attempts with the steamed mussels, the blue team was fading fast. The ladies of the red team eventually got it together, acting as one well-oiled machine and quickly began turning out entrees as the blue team continued to yammer over one another and still manage to barely get an appetizer or two out. It turned out to be one of the worst dinner services I have yet to see this season for the blue team. As the inevitable losers, the Blues nominate Jonathan and Natalie to go home. Chef Ramsay called a teary eyes Natalie forward and told her to get back in line which only meant this was the end of the road for Jonathan, who can now rest his strained muscles back in Tennessee.

 

Season 9, Episode 8: 10 Chefs Compete (original air date August 9, 2011)

Images courtesy of FOX.

 

The Real Housewives of New Jersey Review: A New Year For All of Yous

The New Year brings much of the same to the ladies of New Jersey. I stand by my declaration from last week that Teresa is the absolute worst. She holds onto a grudge like Kanye West holds onto his ego. Can you ease up a bit, Tre? No? And now you’re growling at me? Oh Lord, you’re mouth is frothing. Ok ok, I’m stepping back slowly. Sorry for even asking.

This week’s episode highlights Melissa and Kathy adopting a “let bygones be bygones” approach to family drama. Teresa, on the other hand, continues to hurl passive aggressive zingers at her cousin and sister-in-law. It gets old and it makes you just wanna say, “Get over yourself and move on with life.” Spend less time being Cruella Deville and more time disciplining your daughters. Although, Milania calling Joe Guidice an “Old Troll” almost made me like her. Actually, not really.

Teresa starts to make some big strides this week – she agrees to go to Melissa’s house so all the kids can have a play date. But, in true Teresa style, she arrives three hours late and then decides to insult Melissa’s singing (true, Melissa isn’t the next Beyonce, but play nice), insult Melissa’s cooking skills, and refuses to make up with Cousin Kathy (while also suggesting Rich Wakile wants to hook up with Teresa….um, I doubt that, unless Rich wants to be eaten afterwards).

We continue to watch Ashley grow into a mature young woman this week. We discover that she has talents beyond not giving a crap. She’s an artist! Lauren Manzo even employs Ashley to design a T-shirt for Lauren’s new make-up business. Ashley comes up with a couple useless designs that Lauren promptly rejects. How can Ashley work in these type of conditions? Her artistic visions are being poo’d on!And of course, it’s everyone’s fault but hers.

The big New Years bash is at the Brownstone this year and everyone comes ready to celebrate. Joe Guidice and Rich Wakile greet each other with an awkward display of man-love while Teresa continues to ignore Cousin Kathy. She even has the nerve to suggest the reason Cousin Kathy makes the best cannolis East of the Mason Dixon is because Teresa inspired her. No you did not just go there, Tre! Those cannolis are the product of Cousin Kathy’s hard work and genius. You and your Skinny Italian can suck it.

Caroline Manzo continues to be the only housewife who has a grip on life and tells whoever will listen on Caroline Rules how to deal with everyday ups and downs. She has been through it all so why not speak about the lessons learned? Some of the ladies on this show could stand to listen.

Judging from the teaser for next week, 2011 brings much of the same crazy that 2010 had. Great. Andy Cohen – when is the series finale of this show again? It appears to be never-ending…how frightening.

 

Season 3, Episode 12: Auld Lang Syne for an Eye (original air date August 7, 2011)

Images courtesy of Bravo TV.

Breaking Bad Review: Know When To Hold ‘Em, Know When To Fold ‘Em

After a pair of episodes that established the slow burn aftermath of the season premiere’s grisly murders, Breaking Bad is now going all in, keeping the meth-making mayhem well-paired with the taut undertones of disintegrating morality and sardonic, wry humor that make the series one of TV’s most compelling dramas. In “Bullet Points,” each character’s respective façade has begun to reach a no-looking-back culmination of guile and its repercussions, threatening to topple the proverbial house of cards Walt has built over the course of three-plus seasons.

Skyler, having placed bets of her own, has proven herself begrudgingly enthralled with her new double life as she coaches Walt on the minutiae of bullshit they’re planning to feed Hank, Marie and Walt Jr. regarding their sudden flow of cash. Although flimsy as a card counting yarn may initially seem, Skyler’s penchant for detail almost convinces even her they aren’t flat-out deceiving their family for the sake of a drug-dealing business. From a scheduled flow of tears to the exact moment Walt is to hang his head in shame, Skyler has orchestrated every move of their cover story with the calculated precision of the most stoic poker faces in Vegas.

As is Breaking Bad’s wont, the captivating scene showing Walt and Skyler rehearsing their big reveal contains entendres of multiple degree, helping uncover months, even years of uncharted territory toiling amid the couple’s fluctuating relationship. When Walt complains that their intricately woven tale of his gambling addiction makes him look like the bigger asshole, Skyler’s terse quip, “For a fired schoolteacher making crystal meth, I’d say you’re coming out ahead,” is the perfectly volleyed response to which his zinger about a certain rendezvous with Ted can’t compete. Inversely, while Walt offers pointedly sarcastic eye rolls toward Skyler’s amusingly trite dialogue suggestions, her defensive “I guess lying doesn’t come as easily to me as it does to you” is ultimately negated that night as Hank, Marie and Walt Jr. watch her dab her eyes with impeccable timing and undeniable flair.

A fidgety Walt, meanwhile, flees the scene with an anxious lurch to get his hands on the case file Hank stashed, as it contains pertinent info regarding Gale’s murder. Earlier in the evening, Hank dropped a bombshell when he revealed he’s been consulting with the APD on a recently whacked chemist whom he thinks is the elusive “Heisenberg” he’s been fantasizing about nabbing, French Connection-style, for months. To Walt’s sickening horror, the DVD Hank played solely for their amusement is of a theatrically quirky Gale belting New Wave classic “Major Tom (Coming Home)” karaoke style, with curious subtitles (Thai? Arabic? Klingon?). The epic video (Watch it here. This is not a request.) aside, Walt realizes his worlds are narrowing more quickly than he anticipated and he finagles his way into perusing through the booklet of Gale’s lab notes found at the crime scene. Consider the ante upped. The hilarious, strangely poignant glimpses of Gale’s personality dotted within the volumes of chemical data (a Ron Paul endorsement sticker and Far Side cartoon are particular standouts) help humanize the character whose death has directly contributed to the increasing urgency of Walt and Jesse’s circumstances.

Dean Norris’ portrayal of Hank displays a brilliant depth as it’s left purposely unclear whether or not he’s on to Walt’s ongoing ruse. A cryptic ode Gale left to a mysterious “W.W.” in his notebook prompts Hank to think of familiar names that fit the initials. “Woodrow Wilson? Willy Wonka? Walter White?” he quips with such seasoned nonchalance the fact Walt hurriedly points out a Walt Whitman poem within the text does nothing to absolve viewers of the apprehension that Hank may be counting cards himself, so to speak, and already a step ahead of the real Heisenberg sitting right in front of him.

While other characters have upped their bets, Jesse seems to have cashed in, literally and figuratively, as the devolving state of his home life gives him neither pause nor concern, even when one of his skid row houseguests makes off with $78,000 of perfectly good dippin’ sticks reserve. The most emotional reaction he offers in the episode is in response to Walt’s barraging interrogation about the chain of events at Gale’s front door the night Jesse shot him. He’s so unable to process the grief and relay the scene he pays the burliest low-lifes in his pad to promptly toss Walt out of sight. When Mike and another of Gus’ goons later produce the money-grubbing thief and display him writhing on Jesse’s living room floor, Jesse hardly registers an expression toward either the returned money or the pathetic hostage. Despite his nearly catatonic indifference, Jesse still exhibits razor-sharp instinct, evident when he tells Mike he knows the thief won’t be killed because they “went through all the trouble to blindfold him.” So much for bluffing. Clearly hoping to have elicited some kind of response, Mike is alarmed enough by both Jesse’s disposition and lifestyle to warn Gus of the inevitable problems he’ll bring to the business.

An increasingly concerned Walt, meanwhile, meets with Saul to discuss the “shit creek action” building amongst his business arrangements and personal relationships. Saul mentions a contact he has to help him “buy a paddle,” meaning a way to wipe Walt, Skyler and their kids off the grid in an under-the-table witness protection program of sorts. Walt’s panicked delusion appears to be growing proportionally to Jesse’s apathy, as Walt proceeds to launch into a frustrated diatribe about being “the only professional” in this motley crew. Walt’s inability to see the irony in his complaint is most glaring as he blathers on about Skyler’s naïveté, all while Mike furtively nabs Jesse for an ominous car ride into the desert, unblindfolded.

Although “Bullet Points” partially refers to the sections of Skyler’s scripted gambling story to tell the family, the heart of the title bookends the episode with two examples of Mike’s own intense professionalism, the likes of which Walt has yet to inhabit. The, ahem, “cold” open was, as Skyler would say, “a doozy,” as Mike deftly dodges a flurry of machine gun ammo while hiding inside a refrigerated Los Pollos Hermanos truck mid-shipment. He blasts the cartel thugs with two seamlessly executed shots and leaves the scene with nary an ounce of Walt’s intellectualized angst; instead, he addresses his bullet-grazed ear with the annoyed sigh of an office drone on Monday morning. Despite all of Walt’s frantic posturing, Mike and Jesse’s silent drive toward the scorched horizon before the closing credits could serve as the episode’s final bullet point: the fateful reminder that, in the end, the house always wins.

Where do you think Mike and Jesse are headed? Is Hank starting to figure out who Heisenberg really is? Is the cartel going to eliminate Gus before Walt even formulates a plan? Who’s going to work at this godforsaken car wash, anyway? Do you miss Gale? Post your thoughts in the comments section below!

Season 4, Episode 4: Bullet Points (originally aired August 7, 2011)

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Photographs courtesy of AMC/Ursula Coyote.

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