The Real Housewives of New Jersey Review: Christmas Do’s and Don’ts
August 3, 2011 by Ash Z.
Filed under Television
I’ve decided I must permanently turn against one of the housewives. She’s the one with a husband that always looks constipated, the one who doesn’t understand that bankruptcy should not equal living large and the one that rages like a grizzly bear on crack. Wacka-doodle nut job, thy name is Teresa Guidice.
First of all, Teresa gives Joe a hard time about leaving her house on Christmas Eve to have dinner with Cousin Kathy. Teresa concludes Kathy’s trying to fracture the family. Really? Really?? I think Teresa might’ve fractured the family when she and Joe went ape-shi*t and started a christening brawl earlier this season. Lay off Cousin Kathy, Teresa. All she’s guilty of is making giant cannolis and dressing like Charlie Chaplain once in a while.
Second, Teresa tells us that she wants to teach her kids that Christmas “is not just about materialistic things…it’s about family.” Being bankrupt provides a good opportunity to teach your kids this lesson. But instead, Teresa buys her kids everything under the sun, a drum-set, strangely bedazzled Ugg boots, Apple products, make-up kits and a miniature Mercedes. Sure, I get that you want to make your kids happy on Christmas but take it down a notch. Your creditors will thank you.
Lastly, Teresa is entirely too orange this season. Ok, that concludes my anti-Teresa Guidice rant. Now on to the rest of the show…
I’m sure you’re wondering what Ashley, every parent’s dream-child is up to these days. Well, I’m happy to report she’s being an ass. Not only can she not find it in her cold icebox of a heart to buy or make any type of Christmas gift for Jacqueline, she doesn’t get anything for Chris either. Ashley loves to march around shattered because her parents divorced 15 years ago and now she has two families that love her. Rough life, Ashely. At least you aren’t wearing those knitted dinner plate berets anymore.
Christmas morning at Joe and Melissa’s is a blinged out affair. Joe drops all kinds of gifts on his wife – a gold rolex, Louis Vuitton luggage and a brand new recording studio. I don’t have high hopes that Melissa is that talented but at least now, she can continue to stay at home, cook, clean and raise kids while she tries to sing.
Next up is Christmas Cousin Kathy style. It’s reminiscent of a true family Christmas where outrageous gifts play second fiddle to family. Kathy’s kids pool their allowance money to buy her a laptop for her new catering business. When presenting the gift, they say some really nice things about their mom. Both Cousin Kathy and Rich are moved to tears. Take some friggin’ notes, Ashley.
The Manzo’s Christmas is also filled with good cheer. Albert takes Caroline to the overpass where they got engaged (yes, an overpass) and re-proposes on bended knee with some shiny new hardware. Caroline is moved and we all can rejoice that there is a normal couple on the show. For Christmas, Caroline and Albert buy their kids infinity bracelets that represent their family unity. Sure, it’s a little cheesy, but I appreciate the sentiment. Next the Manzos attend a concert put on by Alexa Ray Joel who everyone thinks is Albie’s long lost love. While Albie isn’t necessarily Mr. Smooth, it’s a nice family moment and a good way to end the RHONJ Christmas episode.
Not too much more left of the RHONJ this season, people. Hang in there. Until next week, folks!
Season 3, Episode 11: A Very Jersey Christmas (originally aired July 31, 2011)
Images courtesy of Bravo.
I think Teresa is an absolute doll. She seems to be a wonderful mother, a doting & sexy wife, as well as an author. Lay off her. As soon as she found out her family was having financial troubles, she totally got her hussle on and popped out 2 NYTimes Bestsellers, which are selling out all over the country btw.
I think she’s a sweetie. And God bless her for loving her family so much, unlike a lot of Americans who are just like “my family hates me, I hate them, whatever. And let me put my parents in a grody old folks home now to get rid of them!” At least Teresa loves her Brother enough to get mad over him.
I have to say that each of the housewives is a bit over the top in their own way. Sure, Teresa does take it to extremes and I have cringed a few times watching the way she spends money when everyone knows her financial situation. Out of all the housewives though, I think Caroline is the most down-to-earth and well-rounded. She’s a good person with a pure heart and that’s something that money can’t buy.
Teresa is a bit spoiled, as is Melissa. I felt bad for Jacqueline.
Melissa’s House is much bigger than Teresa though, and the inside is so much more amazing. It proves itself here http://kellylogandesign.com/2011/08/02/homes-of-the-real-housewives-melissa-gorgas-french-chateau/