The Real Housewives of New Jersey: That’s one pink coat.

This week, I will attempt to fill Ash Z.‘s impressive shoes, but I’m not promising anything.

The recaps of previous episodes show the ongoing fighting between Ashley and her mom, culminating in Chris telling Ashley she’s got to get out of his house.  This fills me with hope — will this be the episode where the spoiled, selfish Ashley will finally – FINALLY – be hoisted on her own petard, and sent to live in her free $50,000 car?  Will it???  Sadly, it is not.  This week, we only see Ashley show up (late, of course) to her cousin Lauren’s party, despite ostensibly designing the t-shirts Lauren generously used.  The expression on Lauren’s face when she sees Ashley is priceless.  It’s all, “I cannot believe I’m related to this asshat.”

The gap in motivation between Ashley and her cousins looks even bigger this week, as Chris and Albie are asked by their Uncle Chris to start a business that will be family run, which is based in the brothers’ grandma’s old house.  Can you imagine what would happen if he’d asked Ashley to do the same?  She’d have turned the place into a party house, accidentally burned it to the ground, and then felt entitled to the insurance money.   I’m sorry to be harping on this but I seriously dislike this girl.  She’s got every shot in the world, and actual talent (her art isn’t that bad) and to see her just run all her chances into the ground makes me yell at the television.  And yelling at the television is generally the exclusive provence of my watching 16 & Pregnant.

Kathy throws a party for her alleged hound dog husband, Rich, at a middle eastern club complete with hookah pipes and belly dancers.  Everyone looks like they have a great time, probably because Teresa isn’t there to drop a ton of awkward on the party by saying something belittling or underhanded towards her family.  She does interview that if Caroline and Jacqueline decide to be her family’s friends, instead of her friends, then she’ll just have to de-friend them.  Oh, Teresa.  That head space you live in has got to be such a lonely place. Luckily it’s got a bright fuchsia fur coat to keep it warm.

So, at the beginning of the season, I told my husband that when it came to catfights, the women on the show had nothing on the men.  Really, I think it’s the Joes of the show who are the real drama queens.  This week, Joe Giudice backed me up by sending his brother-in-law threatening texts after Teresa invites he and Melissa to her book signing.  Joe Gorga shows up anyway, and touchingly (for this family) buys 10 copies of Teresa’s book.  He then tells his sister that she’s got to get her husband under control if they are going to be a family again.  And he’s got a point, because Teresa really needs to confront her husband, but it’s kinda douchebag to ask her to choose between her family and. . .her family.  And if Joe Gorga wasn’t so eager to be ‘right’, he’d see that.  Truth is, I was a little verklempt to see Teresa tear up as she wrote her book dedication to her brother.  And I was happy to see her begin to confront her husband on his BS at the end of the episode, although at this point I really doubt it’s going to go anywhere.  It’s going to take more than a chipped tooth for that Joe’s head to get on right.

Also in this episode, we hear Melissa sing in her studio.  At least I think that’s Melissa — hard to say with all the auto-tune going on.  For the love of god, can someone get these housewives to stop singing?  How do you think this song ranks to those of other Housewives LouAnn and Kim?  And would you ever buy black water, even if was sold by Albie or Chris?

Season 3, Episode 15: Black as Ink (original air date August 28, 2011)

Images courtesy of Bravo TV.