The Amazing Race Review: “I Feel So Asian Right Now”

Okay, I just want to take a moment to point out I didn’t say that. The actual Asian chick on this week’s season premiere of CBS’s The Amazing Race is the one who said that. And with teams traveling from Los Angeles to Taiwan to compete in a series of locally inspired challenges, Cindy, the only competitor of Asian origin was feeling a little more connected with her heritage. That being said, it’s not racist, it’s just funny.

As always, in the beginning of The Amazing Race there are far too many competitors to keep in line. So, I’ll introduce them to you all but we’ll only really talk about them when they become important. First up are Andy and Tommy, friends as well as Olympic snowboarders from California. Also from California, Laurence and Zac, boaters who are also this year’s only parent/child team. Kaylani and Lisa are friends and former showgirls who want to prove that it’s possible to be beautiful and smart.

Next up, we have the couples. Ernie and Cindy are engaged; Jeremy and Sandy may or may not be engaged (I don’t really remember), Ron and Bill are domestic partners and flight attendants. Bill and Cathi are married grandparents from Oregon; I really like them because they live on a farm and in my dreams, so too can I. Amani and Marcus have been married 10 years, he’s a former football player who wants “nothing less than a win.”

Then there are the siblings. Justin and Jennifer are brother and sister from Georgia; she’s a hothead which may prove promising. Liz and Marie are twin sisters who are determined to stick it out no matter how bad the race gets.

And finally we have Ethan and Jenna, a dating couple who you might have also seen as winners of previous seasons of CBS’s other reality show Survivor. Um…yeah… What in the world are they doing on here? Seriously? First off, collectively they’ve already won TWO million dollars on that other show and now we’re supposed to root them on in their quest for yet ANOTHER million dollar prize. Yeah, right. Aside from being (as Justin terms it and I completely agree) “selfish,” this seems more like a publicity ploy than anything. Why are these two still riding the reality circuit and how can their inclusion on this show be anything but an arrogant and ill-conceived move on CBS’s part?

At the most these two are minor, minor, minor celebrities in the way that reality stars are ever celebrities before showing any promising talent (cough, Snooki). Could it be that CBS is gearing up for some other Ethan/Jenna related show? Whatever it is, I don’t care. Their inclusion in this season is incredibly unfair to the other contestants. It’s akin to Uncle Scrooge competing with a homeless man for a free turkey dinner. Sure, it’s legal and all, but it’s of incredibly poor taste.

Let’s take also, for a moment, the fact that CBS is supposed to be unbiased within the confines of the game. They should not have a runner in this race. Nine of the competitors have no history (as far as we can tell) with CBS; but this couple (Ethan/Jenna) has a past and a story with the network, which also means incentive to keep them around a little longer. So when it comes down to deciding if this is a non-elimination leg, isn’t it reasonable to assume that CBS might feel encouraged to cheer on the home team. I’m not saying I believe they would do this, but the argument could be said.

Host Phil Keoghan comes and welcomes the teams. There are 13 legs of the Race, through which teams will be eliminated until the final leg where the first team to arrive will be named the world’s newest millionaires (-ish, after all those taxes.) The winners of this leg will win the coveted Express Pass which allows one team to skip any challenge, giving them a definite advantage going forward.

The first task this week requires the teams to look through a series of umbrellas to complete the word puzzle which will lead them to their next location. The first eight teams to correctly solve the puzzle and get to the airport will be booked on the first flight to their destination city of Taipei, Taiwan, while the remaining three teams will be booked on a flight that leaves 20 minutes later. As an added incentive to work quickly, Phil tells the teams that the last team to complete the task will receive a hazard penalty, an extra task they must do at some point in this leg.

Snowboarders Andy/Tommy are the first to finish, followed by Amani/Marcus, Liz/Marie and Jeremy/Sandy. Soon to be quarreling siblings Justin/Jennifer and smarter-than-you-think showgirls Kaylani/Lisa are the last two at the starting point. Justin figures it out first and he and Jennifer just escape the bottom, meaning Kaylani/Lisa score the penalty. But that’s not all they get.

At a stop for directions to LAX, Kaylani drops her passport. This goes unnoticed by both girls until, when driving away, Kaylani looks into her bags and sees that she’s missing it. This sends the girls in a panic. They rush back to the gas station hoping someone has turned it in, but no luck. In one last attempt of desperation, the girls head to the airport hoping that one of the other teams found the passport and turned it in. But they haven’t. The girls stand around the airport for some time, and while Kaylani is trying (uselessly) to think of a Plan B, Lisa is angry that her race is over so quick because her partner lost her passport. Then like an angel from heaven a voice over the loudspeaker calls Kaylani to Customer Service.

Earlier in the race boarders Andy/Tommy got directions to LAX from a guy at the gas station. That same guy it turns out was still at the gas station when Kaylani/Lisa came buy and dropped the passport. He found it and using Twitter learned that Kaylani would need the passport to continue in the race. Someone urged him to take it to LAX and he did. Despite whether I believe this version of events minus producer’s influence (I don’t), Kaylani is ecstatic and the girls finally make it to check in and are on their way to Taiwan.

In Taiwan the teams are led to the commercial district of Taipei where they must find their next clue. It’s hinted that the teams must look up to continue. Their clue is written on an electronic billboard sitting in the commercial square. Although it’s right there, most teams manage to look over the clue, which is easy to do because as Andy/Tommy point out, everything here is red and yellow (the race colors) and the clue is hidden behind electronic balloons. Amani/Marcus come close to getting the clue immediately before they manage to talk themselves out of it and continue to walk around. Justin and Jennifer are already bickering and at one point Jennifer tells her brother that she could care less about any of this. That totally bodes well. After a while they come back to the square and run into Amani/Marcus who shares with them their billboard theory. They decide to write down the characters and after asking a local what it means they’re off to their next location: Confucius temple.

I’d like to think I’d do better at the telephone game than half the contestants on the Race. At the Confucius temple the teams have to memorize a saying from Confucius and recite it to a monk. Ernie/Cindy are the third to arrive at the task and the first to finish when Cindy recites the saying correctly on the first try. It takes the other teams several back and forths to remember it, but none of the teams have real problems with it until Liz/Marie. Liz is handling this task for her team and let’s just say it’s not going well. Liz tries over and over again while a frustrated Marie watches the other teams go and then lets her sister know her complaints. Liz blames her recitation problems on possibly being dyslexic, until her sister reminds her that dyslexia’s not for hearing. Even Kaylani/Lisa manage to pass them by and are working on their hazard penalty by then.

Kaylani/Lisa’s hazard penalty is sort of a joke anyway: they have to go to a mall and bungee jump off the 11th floor. Now of course if they were neck and neck with another team this side trip would be quite costly on their time. And also, if they both happened to be afraid of heights this would be an entertaining spectacle. But as it is, they’re not, and it isn’t. And viola: lame.

Back at the temple Liz finally gets the phrase correct and gets the next clue. They may not know it yet, but they’re not last in line. At the commercial district, while all the other teams actually made their way to the commercial district, Bill/Cathi wandered far off the course and ended up looking around the city for 4 hours searching for the clue. They walked down the streets, went up to the tallest building they could see and still didn’t recognize that they were in the wrong place. I like these two, but they have really bad timing.

I should tell you now that I’m just off a really bad TV breakup. Yes, after weeks of watching The Great Food Truck Race and pouring countless energy into rooting for The Boston truck, in spite of mediocre sales and no special sparkle whatsoever, I’m done at the moment rooting for a drag-along. Also known as Steady Susans, drag-alongs are teams/individuals who you root for even though there’s nothing extraordinary about them. They’re never in the top/rarely in the bottom, but you can’t help but want them to win. And outside of last season’s Kisha/Jen surprise, they rarely do. And now after the Food Truck disappointment, I can’t take it anymore. At least not right now. And I say all this just to say, Bill/Cathi have got to go. A clean break is best.

After a while, Bill/Cathi realize that they’re in the wrong place and they make it to the Confucius temple where Cathi quickly passes the telephone message. They are of course too late to stop from being in last place. Luckily for them this is a non-elimination leg and they will continue on into next week. Oh joy. Phil tells them that not only will they have a speed bump to complete next leg, but also that there will be a double elimination meaning that they’ll have to get in front of two teams to survive this time. Bill/Cathi are just happy to still be in the game and have positive thoughts for the future. Yeah, I’ve been there sister.

Here are the rankings:
1. Ernie/Cindy- winning the Express Pass
2. Jeremy/Sandy
3. Justin/Jennifer
4. Ethan/Jenna
5. Marcus/Amani
6. Laurence/Zac
7. Andy/Tommy
8. Ron/Bill
9. Lisa/Kaylani
10. Liz/Marie
11. Bill/Cathi- Speed bump

And here’s where I stand:
Rooting for: Marcus/Amani
Rooting Against: Ethan/Jenna
Who Will Win: Too early to tell (by the way- this will change A LOT)

On next week’s episode the teams face a double elimination while Jennifer and Justin have a blowout.

For another take on this episode, read “Twitter to the Rescue!” by Gabe Callahan.

Season 18, Episode 1: “Kindness of Strangers” (original airdate September 25, 2011)

Image courtesy of Robert Voets/CBS.

The Amazing Race airs Sundays at 8/7c on CBS.

Gossip Girl Review: The Bass Is Back In Town

Hello Upper East Siders . . . and, you know, everyone else. Kody here – your one, but not only, source for the scandalous lives of the fictional elite. Parties are being crashed, wealthy cougars are seducing young men, and bossy rich girls are scolding their maids. That one can only mean one thing. Season five of Gossip Girl has begun.

Not much has changed since we last saw our fashionable friends. Blair is back from her trip with Prince Louis the Boring, and she’s busy planning her wedding. Though, oddly enough, she isn’t the bridezilla here – her mother-in-law is. Meanwhile, Chuck and Nate are wrapping up their summer exploits by visiting Serena in California while she works on a movie set, and Dan learns that former BFF Vanessa stole his novel, a chapter of which is scheduled to appear in Vanity Fair. Normally that would be good news, but since the excerpt is about Blair, he’s not so thrilled to have it published.

Invitations to Blair’s wedding have been sent, and Dan seems even more broody than usual. Apparently, Lonely Boy is still harboring feelings for the Fifth Avenue Princess-to-Be. But to keep his story from running, Dan turns to Blair’s fiancé, Louis, for help. Though the content of the story is never revealed, we’re told Blair is actually painted in a good light, but that she’d be humiliated by it. From the hints Dan drops, it seems like more happened between them in the spring than we thought.  When Louis cancels a date with Blair after promising her he’d stand up to his mother that night, she’s annoyed and turns to Dan as she seriously considers ending her engagement. What she doesn’t know is that Louis cancelled their plans so he could help Dan protect her name. And when she finds out, Dan is the one left in the doghouse.

As for Louis, he’s sweet and loving and he has zero backbone. Blair isn’t the only one getting annoyed with him – so am I. Someone that genuine will never last in this crowd. The Gossip Girl writers aren’t fooling anyone. Prince Boring will be gone and forgotten in a few weeks, no doubt. But whom will Blair run to next? Dan or Chuck? Or both? Nothing seems to be off-limits with this show, so I’m not placing my bets anywhere just yet.

Speaking of Chuck, the beloved Mr. Bass is back to his old ways, keeping Nate up all night while he – ahem – entertains bikini-clad females on the boat they’ve acquired. But Chuck has a new sparkle in his eye and a smile on his face, one that, Serena decides, makes him seem happy instead of Cheshire Cat creepy. (Hey, I love that Cheshire Cat grin he’s got! Don’t knock it, S!) What’s his secret? He’s saying “yes” to everything, taking risks, trying new things, and he loves it. Then he receives Blair’s wedding invitation, and his behavior goes from adventurous to dangerous. After a motorcycle accident during a race with a stuntwoman, it seems Chuck’s inner damage is about to become physical, too.

Inspired by Chuck’s new attitude, Serena and Nate adopt the same philosophy. And while this immediately leads Nate to sexy-times with a stranger, it has a much bigger impact on Serena. She’s been bossed around all summer by Marshall (a sizzling hot Ethan Peck, who fails to be as charming as I’d hoped since he’s playing a bit of an ass), and now she’s determined to impress the higher-ups on the film set, even if it means stepping on his toes. Unfortunately for S, Marshall isn’t too happy about being bested by a spoiled little rich girl when he has actual bills to pay. Things get messy, but Serena comes out on top. It looks like she’ll be staying in LA for a while. And guess who is also in SoCal? Ivy, aka Cousin Charlie. This is bound to get messy.

And, on top of all that, Blair is hiding a pregnancy. But who is the father? It could either be Chuck’s or Louis’s, for sure, but with some of the hints dropped in this episode, Dan’s hat may be in the ring, too. Scandalous!

This was a promising opening! All of the main characters (including Serena and Dan, who I usually find rather dull) had great storylines that actually served a purpose! Well, not all. Nate was really just there to be eye-candy and to sleep with an older woman (Elizabeth Hurley this time! Nice going, N!), but I’m not complaining about that at all.  This season is off to a great start!

Best Storyline: Dan’s novel and his love of Blair. Very eager to see where this one goes.
Worst Storyline: Blair, Louis, and his annoying mother’s wedding planning drama. I just don’t care what dress Blair wears.
Want To See More Of: Chuck Bass (always)
Want to See Less Of: Prince Louis

So what do you think? Are you Team Chuck or Team Dan? Or do you think Blair’s fairytale will actually come true?

Season 5, Episode 1: Yes, Then Zero (original air date September 26, 2011)

Gossip Girl airs Monday nights at 8/7c on The CW.

Images courtesy of Michael Desmond and The CW.

Community Review: Biology 101

From the Greendale Community College Course Catalog:

Biology 101

Prerequisites: None

Description: This course will prepare students and allow them the skills necessary to understand the lifecycle of living organisms, particularly those that are removed from their study groups and are prone to uncomfortable freak outs with fire axes. 3 Units.

———

For the past two years, Community has been NBC’s stealth bomber in their comedy line up; it flies in undetected and drops an ordinance of funny so cataclysmic that it changes perception of what exactly a single camera show is capable of, and yet it wins no awards and only scores fair ratings despite its craft and support from all major critics. It was a surprise, then, to find the Season Three premiere a bit of a ho-hum affair, funny for sure, but not what has come to be expected for the show.

At the close of Season Two, Pierce (Chevy Chase) took it upon himself to leave the study group throwing the fate of the group up in the air. This left the door open for many interesting options, the most enticing being Pierce starting his own rival study group and the ensuing civil war that would no doubt follow. Instead, we are given a much more standard Pierce-scheming-to-stab-someone-in-the-back scenario that plays out nicely, but feels like a missed opportunity.

The premiere kicks off with a fantastic musical number, way beyond anything Glee could muster just based on sheer creative energy alone. Unfortunately, it’s only a daydream for Jeff (Joel McHale), interrupted by Pierce’s return to the study room. He pleads his case, saying that he found a new sense of himself over the summer and has been renewed. In short, he wants back in. Jeff declares that they don’t need the group to be friends and therefore, don’t need Pierce and besides, their communal study class, Biology 101, is full for the semester. “We’ve evolved,” he argues. It’s Jeff’s way of keeping Pierce out and it works; everybody feels the need to agree with Jeff, their fearless leader, leaving Pierce holding the bag. Biology does not go so hot for Jeff, unfortunately, and his phone rings no less than three different times, once on vibrate, which ends up being even louder than his actual ringtone (ain’t that the truth?). It takes no time at all for the teacher, Professor Kane, who is fresh out of a 25-to-Life jail sentence, to kick Jeff out of the class.

Meanwhile, Abed’s (Danny Pudi) favorite show, Cougar Town, has been pushed to midseason, throwing his whole world into turmoil. Luckily, Britta (Gillian Jacobs) finds the original BBC series to tide Abed over, but to no avail- the show only ran for six episodes. About to become catatonic, Britta has one more Hail Mary in the form of the longest running BBC series of all time: a show about a time-traveling detective called Inspector Space Time. The show is a hilariously accurate send-up of the bizarre story lines and embarrassing special effects of the somehow timeless Doctor Who and Abed couldn’t be happier. “This is the greatest show I’ve ever seen in my life,” he mutters.

Conveniently, Pierce has taken Jeff’s old spot in Biology, leaving Jeff with no reason to be a part of the group under his very own logic. Of course this eats away at Jeff and as much as he doesn’t want to admit it, knows he’s wrong and must one figure out a way to get back into the group. He finds out that Pierce has conspired with Professor Kane and while the execution may not have been right, Pierce is to blame for Jeff’s ousting. In full freak out mode, Jeff begins attacking the library desk with a fire axe, which does little to help his cause. Despite it all, everyone sides with Jeff. “I can’t believe Jeff attacked a table with a fire axe and he’s still the second craziest person in the room,” Shirley proclaims, disapproving of Pierce’s newest hair-brained scheme. Pierce is allowed back into the group and Jeff later passes an olive branch to Professor Kane in the form of his phone skewered onto a plant stalk. With that gesture, he is back in the class.

Circling all of this is guest star John Goodman who plays Vice Dean Robert Laybourne, a man seeking to usurp control away from Dean Pelton and makes his first attack on the school’s finances. With no funds to pay security and Chang (Ken Jeong) out of a job, Pelton passes that baton to Chang, making him head of school security and setting into motion what will no doubt be one of the most entertaining conflicts of the entire season.

Make no mistake– Community is one of the best comedies on television. It’s been too cutting edge and unique to suck in a large viewership and thinks too unconventionally to win awards, but the show is better off for it. This season’s premiere wasn’t one of their many bright, shining moments, but it has hopefully set the stage for yet another knock out season of comedy.

Season 3, Episode 1: “Biology 101″ (originally aired September 22, 2011)

Hit the books with Community, Thursdays at 8/7c on NBC

Images courtesy of NBC

Killer Elite Review: Based On A (Probably Not) True Story

The trailer for Killer Elite was one of my favorites this year. It had lots of over the top action, some of my favorite actors, The Scorpions “Rock You Like a Hurricane” playing throughout, and that obligatory title card “Based on a true story.”

I was sold.

The movie looked like an adrenaline filled good time with a smidgen of quirkiness, and I hoped it was going to be a lot like one of my favorite hit-man movies, In Bruges.  I’m sorry to say that I was woefully disappointed.  Killer Elite is no more than the latest offering from the Jason Statham action movie production line. I recommend watching the trailer instead, as it was more well-made than the film.

Danny (Jason Statham), is a retired assassin forced back for “one last job” in order to rescue his mentor (Robert De Niro)  from an Arab  Sheik  holding him captive. To accomplish this, he’ll have to kill the former British ex-SAS soldiers responsible for the death of the Sheik’s three sons. Another ex-SAS soldier (Clive Owen), stumbles onto the assassination plot and contacts a secret  group of former soldiers called “The Feather Men”  to prevent the killings from taking place. All of this supposedly really did happen back in the 1980’s.

The phrase “based on a true story” in movies doesn’t carry the same weight with audiences as it used to. As someone smarter than me pointed out, filmmakers can say any movie is based on a true story because it is only based on a true story. They can claim Transformers is based on a true story if they really wanted to.  Any work of fiction can draw inspiration from from real life; it doesn’t mean you should claim that it’s true, like Killer Elite does.

The book that Killer Elite is based on is a work of fiction, even though it too claimed to be based in fact. So can a movie claim to be based on true events if the source material is also a fictional account of what one guy says might have happened? True or not, all it amounts to is a clichéd assassin movie.

The film adds some interesting details into this tired genre, like that  Danny has to get a confession before killing the SAS soldiers and also has to make them all look like they died by accident. The film also (kinda) raises the question of who you should be rooting for. Is it Statham, the hired hit-man killing British soldiers to save his mentor? Or is it Owen, the ex-solider trying to protect his friends from being executed? Leaving that question out there for the audience to grapple with would have added an extra level of tension to the film…if the movie didn’t try its hardest to convince you to take Statham’s side.

Killer Elite struggles to tell its own story, with weak motivations for the characters and sometimes contradictory and baffling scenes that go nowhere and do nothing to progress the story. There is no real dialogue, as everybody talks in cliches and one-liners. I ended up not liking or hating any of the characters, and ambivalence is probably the best word that describes my feelings (or lack thereof) for the film.

The fight scenes look like the director dropped out of an online course for “Editing: The Bourne Identity Way” with horrible chaotic cutting that neither shows nor implies any sort of action.  But the scene that ultimately lowers Killer Elite from “boring” to “bad’ might be the villain (they are all homicidal manics so “villain” is relative) giving a superfluous end-of-the-film speech that reveals the entire plot as if I was watching a Sean Connery era James Bond movie.

As a card carrying guy, I did enjoy the casting because it’s hard not to like Statham, Owens (with a bad-ass mustache) and De Niro.  The other guys of Statham’s killing crew played by Dominic Purcell and Aden Young with their fabulously 80’s retro looks were also a pleasure to watch. Yvonne Strahovski as a literal hot girl-next-door love interest was sadly given very little screen time, and I would like to see her get more (read: better) movie roles.

ANYWAY, an action film about assassins too scared to show violence or commit to its anti-heroes becomes hollow and insipid. Killer Elite is the anti-Drive that couldn’t even  live up to its own trailer.

Images courtesy of Open Road Films

Grey’s Anatomy Review: Season Premiere

When we last left our band of merry doctors of Grey’s Anatomy, there was much trouble afoot.  Cristina and Owen were dealing with an unplanned pregnancy.  She wants to have an abortion; he doesn’t.  Meredith and Derek’s child-rearing hopes are in jeopardy after their adoption of baby Zola is compromised by Meredith’s professional misconduct.  They have been living separate lives, while maintaining a façade with the social worker handling the adoption.

When we pick up the action it’s clear that Derek and Meredith are in trouble.  She’s still in the doghouse with Derek, and Alex is still in the doghouse with Meredith.  He’s been ostracized because his peers think that he betrayed one of their own.  Things go from bad to worse when Meredith is fired and Alex realizes once and for all that he can’t undo what’s been done.  He’s depressed and has turned into a mope.  He will have to find a way to regain everyone’s trust, and it won’t be easy.

A familiar plot device with Grey’s is the disaster or big emergency that will unite everyone in a singular task.  For the season premiere, a huge sinkhole has swallowed up some citizens, injuring them severely.  A couple in crisis is among the injured, and the wife will have her leg amputated at the scene.  At first Owen (Kevin McKidd) and Callie (Sara Ramirez) attempt to walk her husband through the procedure, as it is too dangerous for any of them to travel down in the sinkhole.  It was gut-wrenching to watch the husband attempt the impossible task of amputating his wife’s leg.  He tried but could not complete the procedure.  Owen risked his life, repelling down into the sinkhole to save the couple.  After seeing the man suffering greatly, he knew that he could not perform the amputation, and it was unfair of them to ask him.  I think subconsciously Owen didn’t mind risking his life, because he feels that his own family structure is in jeopardy and he doesn’t have the same incentive not to risk his life that others may have.  He tells Callie that she can’t go in the sinkhole with him, because she has a wife and baby to live for. 

Owen may not have the same family structure as Callie, but he has a wife that needs him.  Cristina is unwavering in her choice to terminate her pregnancy, and if she keeps the baby to appease Owen she will end up miserable for the rest of her life.  Meredith explains to Owen that she knows what it’s like to have a surgeon-mother who seems to value her career over her child.  It’s not a fun feeling and Cristina doesn’t want to subject a child to that.  It’s a difficult decision, and she could use the support of the man that pledged to love her for life.  Owen softens and it looks like he finally accepts Cristina’s decision. 

Alex gets his chance to atone for his mistake with Meredith when she makes a rash decision.  Fearing that Zola would be removed from her custody by the social worker, Meredith takes the child and flees.  She ignores all phone calls and pages. Finally she comes to her senses after the temporary split with reality.  Alex makes up a story about needing to run some tests on Zola and how that’s the reason Meredith was distracted.  She says that she didn’t get the pages because she’d been fired so she turned the pager in.  It’s a flimsy story and unfortunately the social worker recognizes Meredith’s dishonesty and removes Zola from their home because their circumstances have changed. 

Last but not least, April is the new Chief Resident! She has the logistical part figured out but doesn’t have command or authority over the other doctors.  She isn’t assertive, and the sinkhole disaster is exposing flaws in her leadership.  Bailey decides to conduct a “Gunther,” a team-building exercise used to eliminate interpersonal differences among doctors.  They all work together on a real patient, and one of them will emerge as a natural leader while others are more suited to taking direction.  Of course it initially appears that Cristina is the natural leader, but when her competitive nature nearly kills Alex in the OR, a new leader emerges and  Avery is the Gunther.  Just when Sloan had underestimated him.  This doesn’t bode well for April as Chief Resident, but she managed to survive her first day.

This was a good two hour episode; jam packed with more than enough drama to start the new season.  There were some really sappy, cheesy moments but I’m willing to overlook them, for now. Good start.

Grey’s Anatomy Season 8 Episode 1 and 2: “Free Falling/She’s Gone” (original air date September 22, 2011).

Grey’s Anatomy airs Thursdays at 9/8c on ABC.

Images courtesy of Ron Tom and ABC.

Jersey Shore Review: Girl Gone Wild

When we last saw the Meatballs, they were being carted off to jail after hitting a police car.  Fortunately they were sober when it happened and no one was injured.  Things looked bad for a minute, but eventually the boys were able to bring Snooki’s license, sign some papework, and free the Meatballs.

The other major “storyline” centers on Snooki’s impending visit from Jionni. Jenni was similarly expecting a visit from Roger, but she is disappointed to learn that he can’t take time off from work and won’t be able to make it. She starts crying dramatically when she finds out, as if it’s the end of the world. *cue the violin*

After her recent dramatic events with the police, Snooki decides to stay in for the night, for a change. While everyone else is out at the club, Snooki seizes the opportunity to play a good prank on Mike. She wants to get him back for talking about her and Jionni and for spreading lies. While he’s out at the club, Brittany swings by the house looking for him. Snooki lets her in and puts her in Mike’s bed so that when he comes home with another girl at the end of the night, his DTF plans will be ruined. I think this is the ultimate prank, but it quickly backfires.

Mike does in fact bring home a girl, and he is shocked to see Brittany in his bed. It’s truly an awkward moment, but Mike is such a jerk that he simply boots the new girl and crawls in bed with Brittany – a sure thing.

 Before Jionni arrives, Snooki nervously tries on different outfits, wanting to look perfect for him. When they reunite they can barely keep their hands off one another. They seem very happy and Snooki’s entire demeanor has changed.

You’ll recall that the biggest issue in their relationship involves their polar opposite personality traits. Snooki is blunt and wild and Jionni is more reserved and conservative. This is very apparent when they go out to the club and start dancing. Snooki makes the inexplicable mistake of pulling her dress up and exposing herself. I don’t know what she was thinking, but you just don’t do that.

When Jionni confronts her she basically tells him to get lost. He told Snooki that she was acting like a whore and embarrassing him. She wails after him, but he is finished. Furious and inconsolable, Jionni goes directly home while Jenni and Ron trail after him, yelling for him to stop walking. Snooki is several paces behind, and doesn’t seem to understand why he’s leaving. I’m sure they will patch things up, but maybe Snooki will learn to take more responsibility for her actions when she’s drinking.  She completely forgot that her boyfriend was standing right there.

 Best of the episode: Mike acting like Jionni was threatened by him. He wasn’t.

Worst of the episode: Snooki flashing her hoo-ha.

What to watch for next: Snooki hooking up with housemates in the aftermath of her and Jionni’s relationship.

Season 4, Episode 8: “Girl Gone Wild” (original airdate September 22, 2011)

Jersey Shore airs Thursdays at 10/9c on MTV.

Images courtesy of MTV.

Project Runway Review: Sheeps in Men’s Clothing

Project Runway had a night of Season Nine firsts: a live rock concert in lieu of a walk down the runway, also a first for the series as a whole, and the challenge of designing menswear. The designers met Tim Gunn at Rockwood Studios where they learned they’d be working in two teams of four – Olivier, Viktor, Kimberly, and Joshua on one team and Anthony, Bert, Laura, and Anya on the other – to create looks for the up-and-coming Canadian rock band The Sheepdogs that would be featured in an advertorial in Rolling Stone magazine.  Each designer was responsible for the head-to-toe look for one band member.  The designers finally got the challenge everyone dreaded and for which hardly any of them were experienced or prepared: to design for men. In “Team Harmony,” Anya designed for Sam. Laura designed for Leot. Anthony designed for Ryan. Bert designed for Ewan.  In “Team Untitled,” Kimberly designed for Sam.  Viktor designed for Leot.  Olivier designed for Ewan. Josh designed for Ryan.

Olivier ran into his classic challenge of fitting non-mannequins.  Of course, this time they added testosterone to the mannequin.  Ironically, Olivier has designed for men.  Maybe they were male mannequins.  Either way, he was out of his comfort zone, and nothing seemed to go his way. Viktor has also created men’s garments for himself and his friends…as evidenced when he was trying on a leg of a denim pant when Tim arrived in the design room to announce that the band members were coming in for consultations.  Bert ran into the colossal problem of designing a garment that looked too feminine.  He definitely couldn’t sell the look when he called the shirt a “blouse.” During Kimberly’s consultation, Sam liked the orange pattern better than the plaid pattern that Kimberly had originally planned to use.  The only hitch in the gitty-up was that Kimberly borrowed the pattern from Anya, who was on the opposing team.  Anya’s bad.

If most, if not all, the clothes created are designed for women, and if a man, albeit gay, can’t design for a man, who’s left to design for men? Certainly not Olivier. He complained every stitch of the way.  He called Ewan a “plus-size model” as if he were a woman.  Men don’t come in plus sizes.  His pant fell too low on Ewan’s hips.  When they received this challenge, he said he’s designed for men before.  Like Anthony’s clients, were these gay men?  If the client isn’t a drag queen, how much differently do gay men dress from straight men?  Other than the flair and color, are not most of the cuts still the same? All the parts are still in the same place.  Men’s clothes still have to cover the same areas. Get to snippin’, Olivier. On the second day during their second fitting, less than 30 minutes before runway, Ewan sat patiently waiting for Olivier to finish just that.

Musician Adam Lambert joined Michael Kors, Nina Garcia, and Heidi Klum on the judging panel as The Sheepdogs performed two songs while wearing the garments from each team.  Anthony and Viktor designed a fringe jacket for their musicians although it seems Viktor audibly had the idea first.  The judges evaluated Team Harmony first.  Anya said the concept was “a modernized Jimi Hendrix.”  Pause. Thinking…Jimi never looked corny.  Press Play.  Most of the judges’ favorite was Laura’s dyed red jeans with a tie-dyed blazer and tank.  However, Nina Garcia finally stated the elephant in the room that the jacket looked feminine, and it looked like Laura paired it with a silk scarf from the mall.  Anya’s design finally demonstrated her neophyte sewing skills when Sam turned around, showing the unfinished pant and the strip on the pocket of the jean. Feminine.

For the Team Untitled critique, the judges started with Olivier and it was immediately apparent that he didn’t collaborate with Ewan and he ran out of time.  Kimberly owned up to the flaws in her garment, although to her defense this was her very first time designing menswear.  Viktor got the best praise for the great-fitting jean and pleather-fringe jacket.  Interestingly, Heidi did not like fringe in the vest on Anthony’s design although she did like the zipper in the crotch of the pant.  Viktor won the challenge, which left Kimberly and Olivier in the bottom two although it wasn’t clear why when – although both Anya and Kimberly’s garments weren’t great – Kimberly’s garment at least was finished.  Thankfully, Kimberly isn’t finished, and for Olivier who always ran out of time, it switched sides.

 

Season 9, Episode 9: “Image is Everything” (originally aired September 22, 2011)

Make it work and watch Project Runway, Thursdays at 9/8c on Lifetime.

For more Project Runway coverage, click here.

Images courtesy of Lifetime

Abduction Review: I Think I Prefer Jacob Black

Trying to become the next Tom Cruise may prove to be ultimately too lofty a goal for young star Taylor Lautner if Abduction is his intended audition piece. Shot in the streets surrounding my house, little else caught my attention while watching Jacob Black’s turn as an action hero.

Abduction takes a premise not completely without promise and manages to stretch it paper thin for almost two hours. Nathan Harper, a teenager living in Pittsburgh with some rage issues, feels disenfranchised. He’s growing distant from his parents (Maria Bello and Jason Isaacs), feeling ignored by the girl-next-door (Lily Collins), but making progress with his issues thanks to a therapist (Sigourney Weaver). One night while working on a school project about missing children, he discovers a picture and assorted evidence that his parents might not be telling him the truth.

Nathan answers an add that lists his picture as a missing child from 15 years ago, and then everything really starts to unravel. He and the aforementioned girl-next-door (cause he clearly can’t go it alone) end up on the run from both the CIA and a freelance Russian black opps organization both after a piece of information only he can access. On his journey, he uncovers the mystery of his birth parents, who he can really trust, and why he was hidden away years ago.

Abduction isn’t a terrible movie, it’s just one of those many not-so good ones out there. Honestly, I did have a bit higher expectations being Lautner’s first post-Twilight outing, and coupled with director John Singleton who, while not known for Academy-acknowledged features, doesn’t have a slew of similar vanity projects on his resume. A lot of the problems stem from Shawn Christensen’s screenplay that introduces characters that never pay off—one who doesn’t even turn up—and, about halfway through, spoils its own moderate twist of an ending.

It might be wrong to compare him to fellow Twilight cohorts Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, but all industry eyes are on the career choices the trio makes outside of their teen mega franchise. Stewart’s had some modest critical success but hasn’t won me over, while I think it’s clear Pattinson stepped away with all the talent in that threesome. Lautner’s skills appear to be comprised of brooding stares and twist and turn poses for the camera, which happen about every 10 to 15 minutes on screen. Singleton makes use of his impressive martial arts background and maybe this is will turn out to be just a first solo misstep. Given better material to work with, he might actually be able to do something with it.

The rest of the cast, as with most vanity projects, is horribly underserved. Lily Collins might as well be a piece of scenery. Sigourney Weaver bookends all of the action, robbed of any real involvement. Alfred Molina spends most of his time on the phone. There’s a cameo near the end from a recognizable actor as Lautner’s absentee bio-dad, but I’m not sure what the filmmakers were hoping to accomplish with that.

The climactic action sequence takes place at a Pittsburgh Pirates game, but it ultimately falls somewhat flat. Maybe it’s because a train sequence earlier in the film actually steals most of its thunder. Or maybe it’s because of the utter lack of urgency build towards those final moments. Either way, unimpressive. If you’re honestly interested in checking out Abduction, do yourself a favor and wait for video.

Skip it.

Images courtesy of IMDbPro.

The Vampire Diaries Review: When Vampi-Were Relations Turn Sour

There’s a whole lot of Vamp and Werewolf dissension going on in this week’s episode of The Vampire Diaries. Between Klaus taking over an unwilling and anxious werewolf pack, and Damon and Ray’s wolf bane-filled showdown, it’s starting to look like the one big happy family dream that Klaus was hoping for will stay just that: a delusion. But just as you’re watching all hopes of Vamp-wolf unity flow down the drain, Tyler steps up to say maybe this thing just might have a shot.

We start off this week with Elena confronting Damon about secretly tracking Stefan and girlfriend Andi’s death. But Damon refuses to be guilt tripped; he tells Elena that it was for her own good. And after all, what kind of party pooper would he be to spoil her birthday by telling her that her psycho boyfriend was back in town murdering folk? Broody Damon tells Elena once again that Stefan’s too far gone to be saved and that she should just forget about him, but Elena’s not convinced. She tells Damon about Stefan’s late night calls from a number down in Tennessee. To her that means that there’s something in Stefan left to be saved. Damon doesn’t agree.

So for help to track down Stefan, Elena goes to Alaric, Damon’s sidekick who’s unsurprisingly unwilling to help Elena without Stefan’s approval. More willing to offer his help is local werewolf Tyler, who’s feeling more than a bit responsible for biting Damon and getting Stefan in this whole mess anyway. Tyler tells Elena to search in the Rocky Mountains, because that’s the perfect place in Tennessee to be for a werewolf hunting vampire. Although Alaric wants to stay out of this, seeing that Elena’s determined to hunt down werewolves alone changes his tune because he doesn’t want to leave Elena unprotected. He’ll be tagging along.

Unwilling though he may be, Alaric’s not stupid as we come to know when Damon shows up just as Alaric and Elena get to the mountainside. Turns out Alaric called him for back-up when it becomes obvious that he can’t talk Elena out of her insane -though very noble- quest. Damon angrily tries to convince Elena to turn back; but neither impending full moons nor one very ticked off vampire protector can convince Elena to walk away. “He would never give up on me; I’m not going to give up on him,” she says. So Elena outwills Damon and Alaric and the three continue on their way.

Ray and Klaus are indeed up on the mountain, trying to convert the werewolf coven to life as hybrids. Now they’re not down with this plan, but Klaus won’t be dissuaded and with Stefan’s help they’re all attacking in transformers mode. Ray (guest star David Gallagher) is the first to wake up, but he’s not changing right. Ray’s bleeding tears and seems out of it, and while Stefan and Klaus are wondering what’s gone wrong with him Ray takes the moment to run off, but not before biting Stefan. He goes to Klaus for a little healing and is turned away when Klaus tells him he’ll either bring back Ray or die from the wound.

Back in town, Jeremy’s still seeing visions of dead ex-girlfriends. He goes to Vicki’s brother Matt and asks him to help connect with her. Matt is freaked and more than a little confused, but he offers to help Jeremy. But when going through Vicki’s things, Matt gets all choked up and tells Tyler to leave, he won’t be helping him. Once Tyler’s gone, Matt’s alone in the attic when he sees a picture of himself and Vicki as children. He places the picture face down but a few seconds later it’s standing up once again. Taking that as a sign, he agrees to help Tyler and while sharing memories of Vicki suddenly she appears. Vicki tells Tyler that she can come back, and that he can help her to do it; but right on the heels of her departure another ex, Anna, appears to tell Tyler “don’t trust Vicki.”

Speaking of can’t be trusted, last week Caroline got a shock when Mama Lockwood shot her up with vervain. Turns out this woman has quite a supply of it as she tosses some into the coffee before giving it to her son Tyler. Mama’s curious if her baby boy’s a vampire, or just consorting with them. She gets a great relief when he doesn’t explode in pain, but as we all know, Tyler’s allergic to the bane.

For the rest of the day, Tyler wanders around asking everyone he meets if they have seen Caroline. They haven’t, of course, because Mama Lockwood has called one of her friends from the council to come and pick her up. Bill comes to help Mrs. Lockwood with her “vampire situation” and when Mama Lockwood seems hesitant because she’s known Caroline since she was a baby, Bill tells her that they have to “do what we have to do.”

Meanwhile, Tyler’s hanging out shooting pool with Matt at the bar. When Tyler puts aside his coffee, stating that his taste buds must be going wild, Matt offers up that the sheriff has had him putting vervaine in the coffee every now and then. Finally it clicks to Tyler that his mom was checking to see if he was a vampire and she would only need to do that if she thought he was hanging out with… oh shoot.

Tyler races back to Mama Lockwood and demands that she tell him where Caroline is. Mama Lockwood says that she knows that Caroline is a vampire and that she can’t let him be together with a monster. Tyler snaps at this point and tells his mom that she doesn’t know a thing about him. Tyler is more than willing to let her find out. Tyler races down to the cellar and tells his mom to lock herself in the cage just as the full moon starts to rise. The morning after this unknown werewolf”s mom night of terror, Tyler seems confused. His memory comes back when he sees his shaking mother who agrees to help Caroline.

But helping Caroline may be a bit too late, because Bill is not willing to offer the vamp in his care any leniency just because Mama Lockwood is having a change of heart. He tells her no, and then we’re switched to Caroline as she wakes up from her vervaine induced coma trapped down in somebody’s cellar. She’s calling out for Mama Lockwood, for anybody, when the door opens and Bill comes in or should we say Caroline’s “Daddy.” {gasp}

Back to Rocky Mountains, Stefan goes off to look for Ray and is surprised to see Elena, Damon, and Alaric who have captured Ray and are in the process of questioning him. But before they can get anything out of him, the moon starts to rise and Ray starts changing into wolf form. Since they don’t really have anything to stop a transformed wolf, Elena says they have to go and pulls Damon away from Ray and the three make their exit.

In true horror style, while running away Elena (of course) falls flat giving transformed Ray the werewolf enough time to catch up with them. Taking one for the team (Elena), Damon lures Ray away so that Elena and Alaric can get to safety. Damon and Ray start to fight, a fight in which Stefan intrudes by killing Ray (bye, David!) and saving his brother yet again. In true rehash of the past, Stefan tells Damon to get Elena back to Mystic Falls, and this time to keep her there.

In the car with Alaric, Elena tries to convince him back into her and Jeremy’s life telling him that he needs a family and so do she and Jeremy. Alaric can’t deny a speech like that as he agrees to stay on with them. Elena offers Alaric the ring that her father gave her for protection. At first reluctant, Alaric accepts. They’re a family now.  And here Damon comes back and they ride off back to Mystic Falls with Stefan watching from the shadows.

Stefan goes back to Klaus where he sees the bloody scene where all the other were-vamps are now dead. Klaus explains to him that they were all rabid and had to be killed. Klaus is confused and tells Stefan that it should have worked as he killed a werewolf, vampire, and the doppelganger (Elena). Klaus tries to think it out and says to Stefan that he’s the only comrade that he has left, you’d almost feel sorry for him if he wasn’t insane. As Stefan stands wilted on his feet, Klaus gives Stefan a bit of his blood and the two march off.

Back in Mystic Falls, Damon tells Elena that he was wrong, Stefan can be saved. Saying that Stefan is a martyr that needs his butt kicked, Damon tells her that he knows Stefan’s still in there because “even in the darkest place [he] still can’t let me die.” But before they go off to help him, Stefan asks Elena why after refusing to quit, she decided to run away on the mountain. After Elena admits that she was worried for him, Damon tells Elena that he wants her to remember the things that she felt for him while Stefan was gone. Remember this when I “drag him from the edge and bring him back to you.” Damon, I swear I fell in love with you even more. Sigh.

Season 3, Episode 2: “The Hybrid” (original airdate September 22,2011)

The Vampire Diaries airs Thursdays at 8/7c on The CW.

Images courtesy of Quantrell D. Colbert/The CW.

Supernatural Review: Cas Isn’t God After All

Without a doubt, Death is the most bad ass of the Four Horsemen, but it leads me to wonder, how is it that he is more powerful than his brothers because the Winchesters were able to cause some damage to the other three. We get another look at how formidable Death is in the first episode of season seven, where Sam, Dean, and Bobby look to the last Horseman to kill Cas who has mentally gone AWOL. We know that he’s existed since the beginning of time, but now we find out that he knows the real God as well.

The events that led up to that meeting between the hunters, Death and Cas goes a little something like this: after Cas took in all the souls from Purgatory, he fancied himself the new God and began to “clean house” all over the place. He smite the wicked, those who used his name in under false pretenses, and even healed a man by returning his sight. But something was going wrong and his vessel was beginning to blister and we get a fantastic scene where it looks like Cas is about to experience the birth of aliens from his own stomach.

Dean at this point feels that Cas is unredeemable, especially because he knows that Sam’s wall has cracked and isn’t going to heal him. Now he is hallucinating periodically, but despite that, the younger Winchester doesn’t give up on their once angelic friend and prays to Cas that he still thinks of him as one of them.

The relationship at this point between Cas at the hunters are frayed, Sam immediately and literally stabs Cas in the back with the angel blade after he announced that he was the new God. Cas in is in the mindset that either you profess your love to him or be destroyed. He says some harsh words to them like, “you were once my favorite pet” that causes Dean especially to look at him in shock and bewilderment. This wasn’t the friend that they once knew.

But even with Cas as “new God” he isn’t completely invincible. The hunters summon Crowley who explains to them that his new boss is Cas (who offered him his old job back because Cas felt it necessary, but that Cas was running the show in reality.). Dean explains that they need a binding spell to bind Death to them as he is the only player left with the juice to get rid of Cas. Crowley agrees and manages to get them the spell.

That brings us back to the hunters, Cas and Death. Cas tells the Horseman that he is the new God and Death retorts back that all he sees is a mutated angel. He knows God and Cas is not him. This makes perfect sense, as Cas is unable to contain all the souls that he’s taken in from Purgatory. This is my favorite scene as we see how Cas has been acting like an angel playing God by destroying those he sees as enemies and threats and settling small squabbles from the older being’s perspective. You get a sense of how much older and more powerful Death is. Cas destroys the binding spell and disappears from the room. Death settles down and eats his pickle chips and tells the hunters what they need to do – get Cas to return all the souls back into Purgatory because he is housing the Leviathans within him, creatures that God had created even before angels and man and were so nasty that he created a prison just for them. He lets them know that they just need to get the angel back to the lab and he’ll create another eclipse for them to use the doorway.

Cas in the meantime goes on another killing spree, this time he blacks out and finally realizes that he needs help. He goes to Bobby’s house seeking help from the hunters. They get him back to the lab where a few crazy things happen. First, how awesome is it to see Mark Pellegrino? Very much is the answer! Lucifer makes an appearance as Sam is dispatched to get a bottle of blood in the hall corridor. Ol’ Lucy tells Sam that the hallucination is that he’s free, and that this is actually all fake and he is still in the cage. Sam tries to convince himself that’s not the case, but by the end of this episode he goes MIA. Next, Cas apologizes to Dean in earnest for everything that he’s done and how wrong he was. The angel looks like he’s about to die but they are able to open the door and it looks like all the souls are returned to Purgatory. Except that they’re not because Cas’s body is healed and he only has a few moments of feeling like himself before he realizes that the Leviathans have held on and not gone back to their prison. He tells Bobby and Dean to run but it’s too late, his body is taken over and Misha Collins does a wonderful deranged psycho killer now that a whole host of nasty beings are now in control.

The opening episode to season seven was not a disappointment as things picked up immediately where season six left off. I particularly like how Sam’s time in the cage that happened at the end of season five wasn’t just brushed off and forgotten, so that it is still a large part of the storyline and connects the events of the past to the present. Death is my new favorite character because he takes his own side and does his job. He complains about how the Winchesters need to clean up their own messes and since he’s a being more powerful than angels, demons, and I’m assuming Leviathans, he doesn’t just come in to fix everything. I have to respect that because he’s right, they do have to clean up their own messes. Since Cas and Raphael couldn’t settle their differences, Cas went too far by consorting with Crowley and ingesting all those souls. As for Sam and Dean, producers have mentioned in interviews that they are going back to the roots of the show, meaning exploring the relationship between the brothers. We see this right away as Dean asks Sam why he lied again by pretending he was fine when he wasn’t. Sam explains that he knows Dean has enough going on that he didn’t want to add to the already full plate.

When we spoke to Sera Gamble at San Diego Comic-Con this year, she spilled that the show had always been influenced by western tropes and that was going to play a big part of season seven. As hunters, Sam and Dean have always been outsiders but it’ll be interesting to how they will be portrayed as Butch and The Sundance Kid. They’ll have to hunt the Leviathans, but how they’ll actually accomplish that remains to be seen. Collins at Comic-Con expressed how Castiel would be going in a completely unforeseen direction and boy was he right. But I am extremely excited to see where is going. The Leviathans may have said that they’ve killed Castiel within the vessel, but maybe that’s not the case and Cas may still return. Here’s hoping!

Season 7, Episode 1: Meet The New Boss (originally aired September 23, 2011)

For more Supernatural, click here. Fridays at 9/8C on The CW

Images courtesy of The CW and Jack Rowand

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