2 Broke Girls: Interview with Jonathan Kite

They say that TV is a reflection of the modern times, and looking at a slate of cheaply produced reality TV and no inspiration re-dos of classic ’70s shows proves that even Hollywood has gotten around to tightening up the belt. But just because the economy’s in a downward decline doesn’t mean you can’t get your share of quality TV. And that’s why, instead of feasting on the equivalent of Ramen noodles and stale Coca-Cola, you should be tuning in to CBS’ newest comedy 2 Broke Girls.

Featuring Kat Dennings and Beth Behrs, 2 Broke Girls revolves around the lives of two, shall we say empty-in-the-pocket waitresses, Max (Dennings) and Caroline (Behrs). And while they hail from different worlds, both girls share the same dream to one day change their fortunes by opening up their own cupcake shop.

Along with Dennings and Behrs, 2 Broke Girls also stars the hilarious and ultra-talented Jonathan Kite as Oleg, the diner’s Russian-born chef. Recently, Poptimal.com had the chance to speak with Kite where topics included his new series, working close with Dennings and Behrs, and how he owes his role to a pair of lady’s pants.

By now you’ve all hopefully gotten to see the premiere episode of 2 Broke Girls (and if you haven’t, you should definitely check it out), but as we learn in our chat with Kite, he almost didn’t even get the role. Originally written as a 45-year-old Russian man, Kite tells us that he was a long shot when it came to auditioning for the role. It was only with the help of a well-placed friend, a zany pair of ladies pants, and a hint of deodorant that the actor managed to convince producers that he was right for the role. Kite tells us that he was auditioning for a part in another project, when his smell caught the eye (or rather the nose) of the casting director.

“I wasn’t wearing cologne or anything,” Kite says. “I was wearing deodorant and she said, ‘This is such a nice change of pace.’” Turns out the casting director, an acquaintance of Kite’s, was also casting a role for the pilot episode of 2 Broke Girls.

That role turned out to be Oleg, and of the potential applicants, well let’s just say there was a lot of body odor and cologne. Meeting up with Kite, the casting director suggested that the actor try out for the role even though he was “all wrong” for it in hopes that he would maybe score a guest spot later on. But not taking this opportunity lightly, Kite tells us that he threw himself into the role with a force.

“I went to Goodwill; I’m figuring Euro style,” Kite says. “I bought a pair of these black and brown tiger striped printed pants that were lycro-cotton blend… I hemmed up the pants, did little shorts and I had sweat socks on. I wore these dirty brown flip flops and an undershirt I stained with mustard and a hairnet. I came in the room ready to go. What did I have to lose?” Nothing in fact, and Kite ended up beating out the other actors, all men 15 to 20 years older who could more easily fit the role of Oleg, but they must have seen something in him because the producers kept calling him back until eventually he won the role. “It was a shock,” he tells us, “if I’m totally honest with you.”

When asked if he had any ideas about the previous owner of those oh-so-descriptive pants, Kite tells us he doesn’t know, but he assumes they probably belonged to a girl (“Not saying I have the body of a teenage girl”) in her late teens or early twenties. And while Kite has no idea about the mystery owner, “I thank her for that.”

And what exactly does Kite have to thank her for? In our interview, Kite describes to us his feelings about his role on 2 Broke Girls, calling it a “dream come true” to be a part of creating something that people have never seen before. Kite speaks with incredible enthusiasm about 2 Broke Girls, comparing the show to two of his, and America’s, favorite sitcoms: Friends and The Cosby Show. When asked what he first thought about the show upon reading the script, Kite tells us his initial thought was that “this will make it.”

“I thought that a lot of it was really, really funny. A lot of shows on TV are funny and some of them you can tell that they get funnier as the week goes on,” he said. “I remember thinking about this script, it was funny instantly.”

Kite tells us that he looks forward to the future of 2 Broke Girls and developing something that people can really relate to.

“I grew up with shows like Friends. The Cosby Show is one of my favorite shows of all time and I think that people really felt like they were sitting down with a family. [With] TV in a way you’re inviting us in your house every week,” continues Kite. “You feel like you grew up with certain people, and I think that to be a part of something that people really like and will remember the way that people remember The Cosby Show.”

So, what makes 2 Broke Girls such a winner? Well, how about the combination of excellent writing and the amazing duo of Dennings and Behrs?

“The writing’s incredible,” Kite says about the show.  It’s “inventive and it’s something that people have never seen before.” For a specific instance, Kite points to his own character’s transformation from a 45-year-old to someone more Kite’s own age. “The pilot was the only thing written when we were auditioning, so they didn’t have to change anything, they just had to invent stuff. So they just made him me.” Kite also tells us that the writers create with the actors in mind so much so that they are “really writing for us.”

About his co-stars, Kite only has great things to say regarding both Dennings and Behrs. Kite professes himself as having been a long-time fan of Dennings, and as she was the first cast onto the project he took that as a really great sign. Of Behrs, Kite says that he finds it incredible that this show will be the thing that makes her famous. Calling her “ridiculously talented,” Kite says that “it just goes to show you that there are people out there that just blow you away, but you just don’t know them yet.” Of both his co-stars, Kite says that the two are “just so grounded, so down to earth, and so easy to work with.”

More about Jonathan Kite:

He is an expert mimic, with tons of voices in his repertoire, but his favorite is Vince Vaughn. Of course you know I had to ask him to do one and slap me with a salty fish if it wasn’t dead on. No, I mean super seriously FREAKY DEAD ON! When asked if he makes any of the voices talk to each other, I guess he’s not as crazy as me because while he and his friends have mimicked conversations with each other, he doesn’t talk to himself even in different character voices. Or maybe he’s just really smart and won’t admit to it. (That’s a good plan, in hindsight.)

If Kite had to set up his own business, it would be a production company. He’d “really like to tell the stories that I always wanted to tell, and help other people tell their stories. That’s one of the main reasons I got into this: I really enjoy to hear other people’s stories and telling my own. I get excited about a passionate story.”

Speaking of stories, Kite tells us that his favorite movie is The Wizard of Oz, and favorite book The Giving Tree, stating about the latter “people really get it.”

Along with 2 Broke Girls, Kite will star in Black Dynamite, the animated series! No, there’s no Kung-Fu treachery here. The series is due out in 2012 and Kite will voice several of the characters for it.

Thanks, Jonathan Kite, for taking the time to speak with us!

2 Broke Girls airs Mondays at 9/8c on CBS.

Images courtesy JSquared Photography.

Hell’s Kitchen Season Finale: The Nail-biting Conclusion

This week’s Hell’s Kitchen was the two-hour finale that we the fans had been waiting for where all of our bets were met and questions were answered. It came down to what were the top four chefs in Gordon Ramsay’s eyes: Elise, Tommy, Will and Paul. Instead of the usual elimination in the first episode of the night, two chefs would be cut this time, leaving the remaining two to duke it out in the kitchen for the grand prize of becoming executive chef at BLT Steak in New York.

After last week’s bizarre event where the chefs suddenly jumped on the Elise bandwagon and left Jennifer out in the cold on elimination night, they had to hope their instincts were right for the last two upcoming dinner services when the four would be competing together as a team for the last time. Before the big dinner challenge, of course, comes the semi-challenge and to further the contestants’ motivation Ramsay brought out various guests to get them inspired. Elise’s family showed up with her son in tow, as well as Paul’s brother, Will’s wife and Tommy’s mother and girlfriend. The reunion was just a tease and cut short when the “taste it and make it” challenge began. Whoever was able to recreate Ramsay’s fish dish from scratch would be able to spend the day with their loved ones, however, which was a treat and that winner was Paul. Chef Ramsay sent Paul and his brother to the LA Dodgers game where they schmoozed with the likes of Tommy Lasorda and Don Mattingly while dining on famous stadium hot dogs and witnessing the first pitch thrown out by Mr. Ramsay himself.

That night, each chef was responsible for running the kitchen at different intervals while avoiding the purposely set up pitfalls by Chef Ramsay and his team. Paul was up to bat first and initially had his team under control until Tommy’s perpetual silent treatment began to irritate the entire the kitchen. As smooth as Paul can be in most dinner services, he didn’t catch the first sabotage of the evening when Chef Scott replaced lobster with shrimp in the capellini. Tommy didn’t have the easiest time commandeering the kitchen, which was almost expected. When his scatterbrained thoughts found his way to his mouth, the team had a hard time getting the jumbled orders straight. Tommy was another one to fall victim to the Hell’s Kitchen sabotage when a service ticket showed up with an order for filet on it (which was not on the menu that night) but still requested it from the confused chefs anyway. Elise had a bit of trouble with the kitchen pranks but redeemed herself by catching Chef Scott’s mistaken garnish on the service counter. Will was the last to run the dinner service and seized the opportunity to let Elise have it a little bit. He was able catch Ramsay’s planted tricks along with Elise’s, who almost seemed to be playing along with Team Ramsay. Will scolded her for every mistake she made on the garnish station which caused a major lag in his dinner service and didn’t look good for the normally strong chef.

After dinner service was the big elimination everyone was looking forward to. Finally, we would see who the final two were and if our own personal predictions would be correct, which for me, it definitely was. With that being said, it was Tommy who was booted first for his skills that were deemed not quite ripe yet. One down, one to go. The tension was so high, I’m pretty sure all three chefs were screaming in their heads but only one needed to really worry. It was announced that Will would be in the finale along with Paul. Elise was visibly shaking and then the tears started. She may have some strong qualities but none quite like the final two.

Now that the boys were psyched and in the finale, it was time to work on their big dinner menus. Both chefs had their respective reasons for wanting to win so bad but Paul’s promise to his mother before she died that he would do everything he could to win was the most heartfelt and genuine and you couldn’t help but hope that he would really win at this point. As a last chance to relax, Ramsay took the final two out to lunch at Belasco Ristorante with their families which was all fun and games until it took a complete opposite turn and the anxiety was kicked back into gear. Behind the kitchen doors of Belasco was an enormous crowd waiting for the chefs to perform in the famous Hell’s Kitchen live challenge. Will and Paul had an hour to create five dishes and serve them to the five guest judges in the final mini-challenge while the sea of people cheered them on. The cuisine was tasted by executive chefs from other BLT Steak restaurants around the country, as well as the president of the chain, Keith Treyball. While it was a very close call, Will’s last dish demanded the final point making him the winner of the last ever semi-challenge.

The final dinner service for Paul and Will could not be completed by themselves so you know what that means- time for a Hell’s Kitchen reunion! A few past chefs from the current season were brought back and personally divided up by the final two for their own teams. Will had Tommy, Natalie, Jennifer and Krupa. While Will was not too fond of Krupa, he picked her as part of a strategy, that strategy being not stuck with Carrie and Elise on the same team which is just what Paul was left with. Luckily, he still had Jonathan and Liz to fall back on, although, it really wasn’t the strongest team he could have had.

After the teams hashed out their menus, it was time for the life-altering dinner service. Will was very fortunate to have big team players like Natalie who helped get everything off to a good start but Krupa’s horrific cooking kept forcing the team to take a step back. Eventually, Natalie stepped in and replaced her but things were not going any better on Paul’s side either. It was one disaster after another when Jonathan couldn’t seem to cook one good piece of meat and had to be replaced by Elise. Elise didn’t stop there though and continued to bounce around from station to station and agitate the entire team. Miraculously, both teams completed their rocky services somehow and the competition was over.

It was time for the huge verdict: who would be the winner of Hell’s Kitchen. The announcement came the usual way with each chef standing behind a door, one that would open to reveal the winner and one that was sealed shut. The process is kind of funny when you think about it. A door that won’t open as you’re pushing on it like an idiot, praying that your dreams aren’t completely shattered and maybe the door is just too heavy to get through at the moment, so you push harder. Maybe next year they should try two open doors and whichever one Ramsay slams in their face is the loser. That would be way more awkward and very funny! Anyway, Will turned the handle, pushed and was met with an airtight door that did not budge (d’oh!) but Paul’s was in perfect working order and he literally burst through the doorway to greet the excited crowd down below him. Beyond ecstatic would be an understatement for the winning chef and he deserved to bask in all the glory of what his hard work has brought him. Paul did it for himself, he did it for his mom and he proved what real determination can accomplish. Bravo, Paul!

For more on this episode, check out Ramsay’s Diary – Final Entry by Keith Kuramoto.

Season 9, Episodes 15 & 16: 4 Chefs Compete, Winner Chosen (originally aired 9/19/2011)

Images courtesy of FOX.

Dancing With the Stars Review: Season 13 is Raising the … Floor?

What happens when an Iraq war veteran turned soap star, a transgendered child of Cher, an Italian model ex-girlfriend of George Clooney, a TV show host/former prosecutor, and another pointless Kardashian stroll onto a newly-raised dance floor? Season 9,000 of Dancing With the Stars, that’s what! Okay, I might be exaggerating  just a tad on the seasons there. I can’t help it. Sometimes it feels as if this show is on 5 times per year. In reality, it is season 13 of this classic glittery cheesefest, and I couldn’t be happier to see it again. Right off the bat, it is obvious that this season will be high on entertainment, emotion, and a cast that is a hilarious combination of strange, endearing, and oddly inspirational. Cue up that catchy theme music – here we go! (Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo …doot doot doot doo doot!)

While there have been a few minor changes to the show, including a brand-spankin’ new “raised” dance floor (which, quite frankly, looks just like the old, non-raised dance floor), a new last name for Brooke Burke (Charvet), and a more elevated, higher backstage interview area called the “skybox,” and the “biggest Mirror Ball in North America,” as stated by the charming Bergeron, many other things remained comfortably familiar. Host Tom Bergeron still has his same biting, often hilarious wit and comic timing; Burke still has her clueless, airy delivery in asking the contestants her FAVORITE question of all time (“How does that feel?”); and pro-dancer Maksim Chmerkovsky waited all of 23 seconds into the shows intro before appearing shirtless and oiled up. Ah yes folks – it’s all back once again. Ain’t it wonderful? With Week One focusing on both the Cha-Cha and the Viennese Waltz, let’s get right to introducing this year’s “stars,” and their premiere dance performances:

Ron Artest / Peta Murgatroyd:

Okay, first of all, seriously? That’s her name? Murgatroyd? Really? Was I the only person chanting over and over again throughout their entire segment, that classic cartoon phrase: “Heavens to Mergatroyd! Exit … stage left, even!” I was so focused on the hilarity of her name, I could barely focus on Ron Artest’s ridiculous tangerine bow-tie and MC Hammer pants. And why does he look so much like Dennis Rodman? Clearly, Im getting off track. The NBA Laker star and his partner danced the Cha-Cha, and I would give it somewhere around a C+. Not that I know anything or anything, cuz I don’t, but I was kind of bored by it. The judges seemed to agree; with their very low scores of 5/4/5. Damn! He certainly wasn’t Travolta out there, but I think a 4 on the first dance of the night is a tad harsh. When sent up to the fancy “Skybox” to speak with Brooke Burke, can you guess what her VERY first question of the season was? Can you? I bet you can. She asked the couple right out of the box: “How do you feel?” I think my brain danced a little jig inside at the mere predictability of what Burke will do next. Perhaps they put her up in that Skybox because they thought that a higher elevation would create more brain activity or something, but it didn’t quite work out that way. Different interview room, same old Brooke.

Rob Kardashian / Cheryl Burke:

Ugh. Where do I begin with this pointless douche? Let’s start with the obvious: he is a Kardashian, which automatically renders him pointless. And in a world where Kardashians for some reason exist on our televisions and in our lives, he is the least known and I guess least accomplished of the clan. That is really saying something, since none of them have really done much of anything except exist and be rich on TV. Rob said in his rehearsal package that he wants to “step out from the shadow of my sisters.” Yes, because your sisters have contributed SO MUCH to society as a whole. Just like with “The Situation” in last season’s cast, I refuse to call Rob Kardashian a “star.” I will continue to refer to him as pointless. Cheryl Burke, on the other hand, is one of my favorite of the pro dancers. She is just fun to watch, and my husband was always really in love with her, found her sexy. He would be really annoyed that she got stuck with the dimwit Kardashian.  He would be even more upset that in their rehearsal footage, it seemed like this Kardashian drone was being quite rude to Cheryl. Also, he has the personality of a paper towel. Their Veinnese Waltz wasn’t bad, but the whole thing was a tad too sugary sweet and gagfest for my taste. Rob has no sense of rhythm, and a really dopey smile. Judge Bruno Tonioli said he looked “terrified,” while horny Carrie Ann claimed that Rob had “potential.” Personally, I hope he has the potential to be voted off, and that he takes his rude, annoying sisters with him. (I don’t know what the heck Khloe was yelling about across the dance floor from the crowd, but whatever it was …. shut the hell up already. What do you think this is, a rodeo?) Tom Bergeron’s throwaway observation “This place is CRAWLING with Kardashians!” was, although hilarious, a sad statement on America’s obsession with pointless reality celebrities. At this point, they all just jump from one reality show to another, to another, to another. It is kind of depressing, especially when you are home on your couch, broke, and can’t figure out why the hell they are famous in the first place. Judges Scores: 6/5/5.

Kristen Cavalleri / Mark Ballas:

So, this woman is yet another “reality star” as she was on that hideous program called The Hills. I refuse to call her an actress, because, well … she’s not. In her rehearsal footage, she explained about how she just went through a rough time in her life, as she was engaged and then they broke it off. Sniff sniff. Someone please get me a tissue (said the recent widow sarcastically.) That’s your big problem, lady? Sorry, but that didn’t really do it for me in the “sympathy backstory” department. With an Iraq veteran on board who had 40% of his body burned from a mineshaft in the war, you’re gonna have to do better. Unfortunately, the couple’s Cha-Cha was quite good, and Kristen seems to be able to dance pretty well. Horny Carrie Ann practically wet herself with excitement and clearly STILL hasn’t gotten herself laid over the hiatus; Len Goodman said it needed more attitude; and Bruno begged for a “bad girl with bad hips.” Alrighty then. Good or not, however, this chick is so forgettable that I instantly didn’t remember she even existed 4 seconds after her dance was over. Wait – who was I just talking about? Judges Scores were: 7/6/6, and Brooke Burke wanted to know: “How does that feel?”

Chynna Phillips / Tony Dovolani:

Well, at least she is a real celebrity who has actually done something. Phillips, who is 1/3 of the music group Wilson Phillips, and also happens to be the wife of actor Billy Baldwin, did a lovely, dreamy Viennese Waltz that came across like a beautiful fairytale. For Week One, this was a great job, and extremely graceful. Me thinks she will be a contender. Len Goodman agreed, saying: “It wasn’t the best first dance I’ve ever seen, but it was close!” Judges Scores: 8/7/7.

Nancy Grace / Tristan MacManus:

Lots of observations here. First off, perhaps I am just VERY immature (okay I AM very immature) but all I could think of when spelling out or saying Tristan’s last name was “Man Ass.” Tristan Man – Ass. Secondly, what is with Nancy Grace’s ginormous tits all up and out in our collective faces? No one needs to be seeing that on a first episode. Her tits were popping out from all directions, and she seemed awfully proud of them. For this reason and because I am immature, I shall from now on refer to Nancy Grace as “Tits McGee.” So, Tits McGee and Man Ass did a respectable job on their Cha-Cha, which was filled with glitter, lots of cheesy smiling, and began with McGee and her tits sitting at her desk in a suit. Get it? Cuz she’s a talk show host and prosecutor? Oh those wacky choreographers! Here is what I want to see: let’s have the theme of Tits McGee’s next dance be her murdering her favorite person in the world, Casey Anthony. I want to see Tits McGee choking the life out of the “Tot Mom,” played, of course, by Tristan Man-Ass. THAT would be hilarious, and would surely get her some votes from the home viewers. But back to the current dance: My favorite part was when Bruno Tonioli looked right at Tits McGee and asked: “So how are the twins?” I love that man. Judges Scores were a bit low at 5/5/6. Clearly, her tits deserved at least a seven.

David Arquette / Kym Johnson:

I liked this couple. Kym is another one of my favorite pro-dancers on the show. She seems sweet. Arquette, an actor /producer most known for his roles in the Scream movies and for his excessive drinking, has been sober for 8 months and is ready to dance! He is quite goofy, and also quite good. It was a very endearing performance, and Len Goodman informed him: “you’re a dancer!” The couples scores seemed very low to me at 6/6/6.

Elisabetta Canalis / Val Chmerkovskiy:

Ummm … who? And WHO? Exactly. It seems that both of these people are famous for being attached to other famous people. In Elisabetta’s case, she is apparently a model in Italy. Right. I’ve never heard of her either. Oh yeah, she also is George Clooney’s ex-girlfriend. See where I’m going with this? NOW she is somebody, right? She isn’t even his current girlfriend. She is his ex. Why we should care about this woman is beyond me, but she seems harmless enough. Val is the brother of pro-dancer Maksim, who is of course known for his partnership last season with Kirstie Alley, and also for constantly taking off his shirt. It didn’t take Val too long to follow suit in that department. These two did a clumsy, stiff dance that began by using a bed as a prop, and ended with a dance solo by Elisabetta that was stiff and awkward.  (That’s what she said.) Len didn’t like “all the malarky with the bed” while Bruno told Elisabetta that he “liked her  … in bed.” She blushed, and then they got a terrible score of 5/5/5. Awwww. Brooke Burke struggled for a different, new question, failed, and then asked: “How does that feel?”

Hope Solo / Maksim Chmerkovskiy:

Even though this woman is an accomplished athlete, soccer goalie, and Olympic Gold Medalist; all that my tiny little immature mind could conjure up was “Han Solo.” Hey, it rhymes, what can I say? As for their dance, it was very good, although the judges wished she could be “more feminine.” Judges Scores: 7/7/7.

(Aside) HOLY CRAP ARE WE DONE YET????? HOW MANY FREAKIN DANCE COUPLES ARE ON THIS FREAKIN SHOW??? MUST WE ALWAYS BEGIN EACH SEASON WITH 37 COUPLES??? GOD FORBID IF YOU’RE NOT ON THE AIR FOR ONE MONTH OUT OF THE YEAR!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!!

And we’re back …………

Carson Kressley / Anna Trebunskaya:

First off, I looove saying Anna’as last name out loud. It’s the most awesome last name of all time. You almost have to sing it. Try it. It’s fun. “Tre-BUN-skaya!” See? Fun, right? No? Oh. Well then, I guess I’m just losing my mind. Anyway, Kressley, known as a fashion expert and star of the hit show: Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, is very entertaining. He made no secret upfront about wishing he had been paired off with one of the hot MALE dancers like Derek Hough or Maksim, who he has a serious crush on. He makes me laugh, and his mouth looks like a Muppet when he dances. Seriously. Look at his mouth. It’s hilarious. You know how all the Muppets/puppets on Sesame Street have their mouths painted wide open all the time? That is what his mouth does when he is dancing. It stays open in this hilarious fixed smile. Their dance was so fun and extremely high on performance. Not the best technical dancer, but when you literally put your hands on your hips and start doing the bird like Mick Jagger around the dance floor, who cares about technical? This guy is a blast wrapped inside of a party. That makes no sense. Shut up. Bruno put it best when he said that Carson makes “camp an art form.” Judges Scores: 6/5/6. While being interviewed in the “Skybox”, Kressley mocked himself by joking that he had gotten his costume out of his own closet at home. Tom Bergeron came back with this gem: “Who knows what else he has in his closet?” Line of the night right there, TommyB. Nice!

J.R. Martinez / Karina Smirnoff:

You know how some people just instantly make you like them, just by their overall aura and presence? For me, that is JR Martinez. Before this season’s show, I knew of him from his role on All My Children, and also knew that he is an Iraq Vet who was severely injured and burned all over his body and face in a mineshaft explosion. What I didn’t know is that he has had 33 surgeries on his burns, has a missing ear, and an amazingly genuine personality and attitude. Within seconds of him talking in his rehearsal footage, he instantly became my favorite of this season’s cast. So when he danced his Viennese Waltz, I was even more happy that it was really good! Loved the song, loved the dance. Very sweet, and he got one of the highest scores of the night with an 8/7/7. Say it Burke! “HOW DO YOU FEEL?”

Ricki Lake / Derek Hough:

Inspired by the weight that Kirstie Alley lost last year, Lake joined the show with a vow and a vengeance to “get my slammin’ body back.” Their Waltz was very lovely, and her lavender dress very pretty. It almost resembled something out of a Disney movie or fairytale. The judges liked it and called it “fluid” in movement, giving her scores of 7/6/7. I’m not even going to tell you what Brooke Burke asked them about their scores.

Chaz Bono / Lacey Schwimmer:

One has to wonder whether or not DWTS put Chaz last in the lineup because of all the media attention surrounding his appearance on the show and therefore, better ratings … OR … was it because they caved in to pressure from prejudiced holier-than-thou types spouting off about how Bono’s appearance is morally wrong and ”bad for the CHILDREN!!!!” Oh no! Not the children! Hide your kids everybody! It’s a man that was born as a woman! And no one will ever know that, especially your CHILDREN, if you dont tell them! Oooooh, how threatening! A doughy-looking overweight white dude who is dancing a Cha-cha. WHATEVER WILL WE DO??? HIDE THE CHILDREN! Okay. Clearly everyone needs to just relax about this non-issue. Yes, Chaz Bono, child of Cher and Sonny Bono, is the first ever transgendered contestant on DWTS. So what? Do these parents actually think that their precious child Cindy is going to watch Chaz dance and suddenly go: “Mommy, mommy! I wanna be an overweight white dude!” Listen to yourselves people. You are being ridiculous. Also, anyone that says it is morally wrong or that Chaz is a negative influence for this kind of family show, where were you when that glorified stripper of Hugh Hefner’s was dancing around a pole last season? You certainly had no problem with that, did you? Just leave Chaz and his doughy, pasty body alone. He has enough problems dealing with plumber’s ass, and having Cher for a mom. Now, as for the dancing; it was fine. A bit better than expected I suppose. He wasn’t awful, and he wasn’t great. He looked like a weeble or a butterball turkey in a striped, cheap purple suit. But he is happier in that body than the one he had before, so good for him. Hey, if you can look like that and have the kind of self-confidence he seems to have … BRAVO, sir. I applaud you. Judges Scores: 6/5/6.

RESULTS SHOW:

As this show does so well, DWTS spent an entire hour finding 1,000 different ways to put off giving us the results of which couple was going home. They did this with an obscene amount of clips, backstory, dancing, and filler performances from both LMFAO (at the end of which Bruno removed his shirt randomly and was hilariously dubbed by Bergeron “Bruno WTF Tonioli), and Harry Connick Jr. (although I didnt mind that last one at all, since he is one of my absolute favorites and oh so sexy too!) In the end, the bottom three couples were:

Rob Pointless Kardashian and Cheryl Burke, Ron Artest and Peta, and Tits McGee and Man Ass.

The first couple to be eliminated from season 13 is ….

Ron Artest and Peta ….

And that’s it folks for week one. Join me next week and the rest of the season as I break down, make fun of, and over analyze each pair of dancers in my own ridiculous way. And one last thing: On a personal note … On July 13, I lost my dear, beloved husband, Don Shepherd. He went into sudden cardiac arrest and passed away at the too young age of 46. Writing, whether serious or comic, is one of the few things that has been a tiny bit helpful. Don always loved reading my reviews. He would laugh out loud at some of my observations, and a lot of times, he would even supply the comedy himself with something funny he would say while watching the shows with me. So I am dedicating this first review to you Boo; my awesome husband. I love you forever.

Season 13, Episode 1 (originally aired September 19 and 20, 2011)

For more on Dancing With the Stars, click here.

Photographs courtesy of ABC and Adam Taylor.

 

Poptimal’s Fall 2011 TV Predictions

We are now in the midst of a new TV season for 2011-2012 and while we can’t wait to see old favorites again, there are a couple new shows that are making us clear some space on our DVRs. But we’re also mentally preparing ourselves for the worst: certain networks like to cancel shows prematurely, so we try not to get too attached too quickly. Below, Team Poptimal has given our predictions on what’s going to be hot this season and what shows will face the ax.

Most Anticipated New Show

New Girl. What’s not to love about this show? Headlined by the adorable Zooey Deschanel, it’s both hysterical and cute. This will be one of the strongest new shows this fall. It’s definitely my favorite new show. -Allison Toner

I saw the pilot of New Girl and can’t wait to see more. Yes, it mostly consists of Zooey Deschanel playing a character I like to call Quirky McQuirkerson, but the show has the potential to be sweet and consistently fun. -Lauren Tyree

Hands down, Revenge. Emily VanCamp is a gift, but this literally-titled new drama is easily the most captivating new show of the year for me. -Josh Hatala

Ringer. Yes, it’s the return of Buffy! Twice! Sarah Michelle Gellar hasn’t done much acclaimed work since, but don’t think the Scooby Gang and I won’t kick your butt if the TV gods take her away from me again. -Inisia Lewis

The River. After interviewing Oren Peli and the cast at San Diego Comic-Con, I’m really excited to have a show that combines X-Files and The Amazon, plus it looks really creepy. If I’m going to reveal my guilty pleasure though, then I would say The Secret Circle. I know at this point the whole supernatural genre is everywhere, but I’m a sucker for these. Plus Kevin Williamson and The WB, I mean The CW – it’s a ’90s reunion! -Nicole C

Terra Nova. Man ruins Earth. Man goes back in time to survive. Man doesn’t get what he bargained for and gets eaten by dinosaurs! That’s all you need to know about Terra Nova. That, and it was partially produced by Steven Spielberg, who from what I hear is a pretty popular guy. -Desiree Neall

Most Anticipated Returning Show

Psych. The last time we saw my favorite fake psychic detective and his sidekick Gus was December 2010. I can barely wait any longer for their return and to see the many guest stars they’ve lined up including Molly Ringwald, Danny Glover and William Shatner. Is it October 12^th yet? –Allison Toner

I don’t know how I made it through the summer without Community. I hope Season 3 will be just as Changtacular as the previous two. -Lauren Tyree

After the dramatic turns in the last few episodes in its second season, I can’t wait to see what’s coming up on The Good Wife. Even the move to Sundays couldn’t keep me away from Kalinda. I hope they don’t skimp out on the details of what happened behind that closed hotel door. -Josh Hatala

Fringe. Where’s Peter? Undoubtedly, last season wasn’t the last time we’ll ever see him, but it doesn’t make me miss him any less. I can’t wait to find out how he’s weaved back into the show. -Inisia Lewis

The Vampire Diaries and Supernatural. Because I need to know what new and insane twists the writers are going to do to throw me off my predictions for the Salvatore brothers, and I am looking forward to seeing Castiel as god. -Nicole C

Who isn’t looking forward to the return of The Walking Dead? The actors are great, the make-up and special effects are superb, and it already has a solid story line thanks to the comic series. The show certainly has had its share of rumors and “not cool” moments behind the scenes, but I’m praying that it doesn’t affect the future too negatively for this awesome production. -Desiree Neall

Most Likely to be a Disappointment

The Office. I just can’t imagine this show without Michael Scott’s (Steve Carell) shenanigans. It just can’t be as funny. Hope I’m wrong. –Allison Toner

As much as I like the whole retro vibe, Pan Am will probably be aggressively bland. Good concept, but it looks like a mediocre execution. -Lauren Tyree

Terra Nova looks like one of the many disappointing blockbusters of the summer…just on TV. -Josh Hatala

Charlie’s Angels - I would say H8R but it’s hard to be a disappointment when there aren’t high expectations. The

Charlie’s Angels update looks like it could be a lot of fun, but so far it’s shaping up to be straight up man candy, not exactly the demographic I’m a part of. -Inisia Lewis

Ringer. I caught part of the pilot, and as much as I love Sarah Michelle Gellar, the show just wasn’t exciting enough for me and I changed channels. Great cast though. -Nicole C

Hell’s Kitchen Review: Ramsay’s Diary – Final Entry

Monday, September 19th, 2011

Dear Diary,

Well, I don’t know how we did it Diary, but Hell’s Kitchen is officially closed for another year. Not only that, but I was able to pull a winner from the cesspool of chefs that were cast this season and not just because I was contractually obligated, but because the winner actually deserved it (which means you can immediately count out Elise. SPOILER ALERT.)

I prepared a special surprise for the Top 4 chefs, although I guess its no longer much of a surprise since they make me do it every year: I brought in the relatives. Like the trip to BLT Steak earlier in the year, I hoped that getting a little taste of home would invigorate the chefs and light a fire under their collective arses. It worked, sort of. Amidst the husbands, wives, brothers, and mothers that stormed the restaurant, no one got under my skin quite like Tommy and his jailbait girlfriend, who chose to make out right next to Tommy’s mum. Not the sort of tongue-lashing I deal out regularly here, but at least I can say that Tommy didn’t need the kitchen to be able to prep his own unique take on “dry rub.”

Today’s challenge was also another Hell’s Kitchen staple: Taste It Now Make It, in which I have prepared a dish that the chefs will have to replicate to the most discrete flavour using only their sight, smell, touch, and taste. All the chefs were extremely confident despite the fact that many used different ingredients, but it was Paul who managed to absolutely nail the challenge, getting all the ingredients spot on. The prize for that win was a trip to Dodger Stadium with his brother where they got to meet the players and see a game, but more importantly, they got to see one of the best chefs in the world throw out the opening pitch: ME. The losers punishment (my favorite) was the cleaning and tearing down of the dorms. As per usual, Elise started crying over the punishment again, but this time it was for a good reason- the dorms are absolutely revolting. I learned my lesson straight away after the first year to not go into those dorms without a biohazard suit. Truly, I think they based the movie Contagion on this fucking dormitory.

The night’s service is also the most important service of the year because it determines who of the chefs are real talents and who are playing dress-up. I’d be eliminating two chefs based on tonight’s performance, with each person getting a chance to run the pass. Paul was first up and almost immediately failed my first quality control test. Tommy didn’t fare much better; in fact, he did worse. Watching him run around like a decapitated chicken makes me wonder how he got this far in the first place. Elise also failed her quality control test, but holy miracle of fucking miracles, the woman rebounded by calling out another sabotage properly and continuing to push food out of the kitchen like a professional. Oh Darling, if only you could take it as much as you dish it out… Will started with a bang-up job until Elise started fucking up the garnish and I had to call what my kids deem as shenanigans, since I’m pretty sure she would stab her son in the back to further her career.

At elimination, my first choice to go was Tommy. He ended up being a fine cook, but his abilities were nowhere near what was needed to run a kitchen. The remaining three made great sells for why they deserved a place in the finals, but in the end, I decided that Will and Paul were going to be the Top Two. It took nearly all year, but I was finally able to get rid of Elise. The girl can cook, she just needs to stop being such a bitch.

With the final two chefs revealed, it was now time for them to create and refine their menus for what would be the final service of the season. Late in the day I decided to cut them a bit of a break and take them out to dinner to decompress, but they really should have known better. The restaurant facade was in actuality a big stage filled with hundreds of people where their final challenge awaited them– create five dishes that could be on the menu of BLT Steak. Each competing dish would be judged by five different culinary experts, all part of the BLT family. With the best of of five winning, it all came down to the last tiebreaker dish, tasted and judged by the owner of BLT. Will clinched the tiebreaker and won the challenge, gifting him the final reward of choosing who his brigade would consist of out of this year’s cast, who sprung out of a giant gift box. I got this idea based off of a horrid recurring nightmare I kept having where every birthday gift I received at my party was an old Hell’s Kitchen chef. I’ve never been so relieved to wake up. In a brilliant move on Will’s part, he made Paul get stuck with Elise and Carrie. I was sure hoping the two would kill each other during service.

By the time the final dinner service came around, my expectations were quick to come crashing down. With the Top 2 chefs heading both kitchens, this becomes my favorite part of every year because I can give the final chefs a taste of the special hell that I’ve put myself into. You really think I call the show Hell’s Kitchen because the contestants are in Hell? Fuck them, it’s ME. I’M IN HELL. Krupa continued to derail Will’s team by being a total sloppy klutz and ruining filet after filet of fish. Jonathan wasn’t doing much better, sucking up the meat station on Paul’s team, leaving him no choice but to kick him off the station, as did Krupa on Will’s side. With the dead weight out of the way and Elise not ripping the tits off of Carrie, service actually ended on a high and it was time to read the comment cards.

After letting Paul and Will stew in anxiety for a good 90 minutes, I finally called them to my office for the final decision; Will, the most consistent chef of the kitchen; Paul, the most passionate. They both had soaring highs and tremendous lows. And now their hands were on the final two doors that would determine this year’s winner. When the show airs it will no doubt be after at least seventeen continuous minutes of suspenseful reaction shots and music that the winner will be revealed, but in the restaurant, it was merely a simple turn of a knob, and not the knob in my pants: Paul’s door opened, making him the winner of Hell’s Kitchen. His passion fueled an early comeback and he quietly dominated every other chef in the kitchen this year. I was proud to give him command of BLT Steak, mainly because for the first year ever, it’s not my restaurant, so I don’t really give a shit.

Another year done. Now I can rest up until next season, where I will most likely murder someone either in front of or behind the camera. Until then, Diary, I’ll leave you with these last words: C-U- Next-Time.

For another opinion on this episode, check out The Nail-biting Conclusion by Desiree Neall.

Season 9, Episodes 15 & 16: “4 Chefs Compete” and “Winner Chosen” (originally aired September 19, 2011)

To relive this past season of Hell’s Kitchen through Chef Ramsay’s perspective, click here.

Images courtesy of FOX

Breaking Bad Review: One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor

After last week’s game-changing brawl between Walt and Jesse, Breaking Bad’s fourth season has reached a fever pitch to prepare for the aftermath of our dynamic duo’s epic fallout. As the rift between them widens, Jesse is faced with greater responsibility for the fate of the business than Walt ever was, while Walt is forced to examine the patterns of his early childhood that have led him to the state of solitary delusion and remorse in which he’s immersed himself.

Despite his ratcheted attempts to assert authority over the production of his coveted merchandise, Walt’s involvement is fading into the background even more quickly than he’s aware. The season’s tenth episode, “Salud,” opens with our three amigos, Gus, Mike and Jesse, silently waiting in the desolate New Mexican desert for their blindfolded ride to the cartel’s superlab south of the border. After Jesse hesitantly boards the plane, the always-observant Gus offers typically stoic, if not clichéd, encouragement. “You can do this,” he declares, unblinking. Knowing that his fate rests in the ability to cook an entire batch of Big Blue without Walt, Jesse looks understandably concerned nonetheless.

Whether or not Jesse regrets burning the bridge between he and Walt isn’t yet acknowledged; after all, he has more pressing matters ahead. A lone Walt, however, has begun to tumble from atop his pedestal as loose threads threatening his relationships and sanity continue to unravel. The physical brunt of his fight with Jesse has Walt badly bruised in a literal sense, but the emotional ramifications are far greater. After Walt misses Jr.’s 16^th birthday party, and the spectacularly disappointing driveway reveal of a lavender PT Cruiser in lieu of the eschewed Dodge Challenger (thanks, Mom!), Jr. drives to Walt’s condo and discovers his father speckled with day-old bloodstains and dribbles of tears, slurring his words in a painkiller-induced haze. Although Jr. is initially touched by the raw vulnerability his father displays, the audience knows better when Walt bursts into a weeping apology for the “mistake” he’s made. As he dives headfirst into his bogus confession of a gambling relapse, it’s clear from the first quiver of Walt’s lip that he’s really making a plea for amends to Jesse, but Jr. isn’t the wiser until Walt later mumbles the name of his surrogate son instead of his real one.

The next morning, Walt awakens to find a pointedly repaired set of eyeglasses on his nightstand, and presumably a new outlook with which to pair them. Jr. has spent the night on the couch to keep an eye on Walt, and the gesture gives Walt reason to step back and view the wreckage of his actions from a different angle. As he launches into a detailed, harrowing description of the only memory he has of his own father, Walt explains to Jr. how he doesn’t want what happened the night before to define his son’s assessment of him. In a boldly direct and honest response, Jr. tells Walt that he’d rather think of his father in that light than based upon how he’s “been this whole past year,” assumedly feigning presence and interest in his household. “Last night, you were…you were, you know. Real.” Jr. admits. Walt’s stunned expression confirms a newfound perspective for him to explore, and the scene’s particular focus on Walt’s concern for the state of his legacy echoes previous references to the possibility Walt’s health may again be a factor in his decision-making. Salud, indeed.

Meanwhile, Jesse’s only thoughts of Walt revolve around his dexterity in the laboratory, as Jesse is introduced to the cartel’s gang of chemistry nerds: a bespectacled and white coat-wearing lot eager to ooze incredulity toward the American ne’er-do-well. At first, Jesse’s inexperience is palpable. When informed he is expected to synthesize his own phenylacetic acid, Jesse nervously whispers to an unflappable Gus that he usually just looks “for the barrel with the B on it.” The scientists initially balk with glee at Jesse’s obvious lack of pedigree and the fact that he, of all people, is expected to teach them to cook the purest meth in the known universe. Instead of shrinking back with intimidation, however, Jesse puffs up with Heisenberg-worthy stature and lets the cartel know exactly who he is. When Jesse boasts, “I’m the guy your boss brought here to show you how it’s done,” and orders a floor-to-ceiling scrubdown of the entire lab before he can begin working, the smirks from both Mike and Gus illustrate a burgeoning pride forming for their unexpected protégé. As an introspective Walt is left in Albuquerque to pick up the pieces of his own shattered existence, down in Mexico, inversely, Jesse has become the one who knocks. After his maiden batch measures 96.2 percent pure, however, Jesse’s relief and fanfare are cut short when he’s informed that cartel head Don Eladio expects him to stay in Mexico to work for him permanently. Stunned with this development and Gus’ lack of protest, Jesse later turns to Mike, who quips, “I promise you this: either we’re all going home, or none of us are.” How reassuring.

When the trio arrives at Don Eladio’s to celebrate the new partnership between Gus’ enterprise and the cartel, the sight of the same pool in which Gus’ former partner Max met his untimely demise some 20 years earlier quickly shifts the episode’s tone to focus on an entirely different interpretation of the title, “Salud.” Gus is shown popping a mysterious pill prior to the fiesta, where he then presents a gift to Don Eladio. Knowing Eladio’s proclivity for tequila, the expensive and rare anejo proves a wise choice on Gus’ part, but something is vaguely amiss. Eladio pours shots for Gus, Jesse and all the henchmen for a toast, but Gus’ quick dismissal of Jesse’s privilege to drink on the job (“This one’s an addict,” he explains) sparks suspicion that there may be more than just one worm at the bottom of this bottle. Eladio carefully waits for Gus to sip first, then, once satisfied with the sincerity of Gus’ generous token, imbibes himself. The party continues on without a hitch, at first, then Eladio takes Gus aside for a brief mano a mano. Eladio acknowledges Gus’ smoldering contempt for what happened to Max, explaining, “Once every 20 years, you’ll forget your place … there’s no room for emotion in this.” Gus excuses himself to the restroom where he proceeds to deliberately remove his suit jacket with the same meticulous care as he did in the season premiere, “Box Cutter,” just prior to slicing open Victor’s throat. As Gus kneels over the toilet to expel whatever poison may have entered his bloodstream despite the antidote he took earlier, Don Eladio and his capos fall like dominoes. Ever vengeful and fastidious, Gus has made sure to find room for his emotional contribution to Don Eladio’s demise, and watching him lifelessly float in the same pool Max did finally brings some closure to a decades-long grudge.

Jesse, a bit quicker on his feet than last time, heeds Mike’s past advice to “run, and so forth,” grabbing a gun and utilizing his first-person-shooter skills to help blast any rogue thugs blocking the exit. Gus begins to succumb to the remnants of the poison and needs medical assistance immediately. Jesse finds an operable vehicle and prepares the getaway just as Mike takes a slug or two in the gut. Faced with the gaping opportunity to ditch both men and ride into the sunset with nary a reason to look back, Jesse instinctively acts on behalf of his colleagues and protects them instead, peeling out of Eladio’s driveway with Walt’s lucky cigarette presumably still in his pocket.

As Breaking Bad’s fourth season draws to a close, the series has eviscerated the core dynamic that pulsates through the heart of the show and separated its two key elements into inverted mutations of their original selves. Jesse is preparing for a role in Gus’ empire that echoes Walt’s initial aspirations of total takeover. Gone is the guilt-ridden second banana. Now, Walt has some regret on his shoulders to carry and as the enterprise evolves without him, his wishes to eliminate Gus are only falling on deaf ears. As Gus shouted to the remaining cronies at Don Eladio’s, “you can either fill your pocket and leave in peace, or fight me and die.” With only three episodes left, Walt has little time to make his ultimate choice.

What did you think of Gus’ revenge on Don Eladio? More or less badass than “Box Cutter?” Is Skyler going to have Ted whacked? Is Walt expendable? Is Mike a goner? What’s Hank up to? Post your thoughts in the comment section below!

Season 4, Episode 10: Salud (originally aired September 18, 2011)

Don’t miss Breaking Bad Sundays at 10/9c on AMC.

Photographs courtesy of AMC/Ursula Coyote.

Drive Review: Some Critics Might Call It European

The anonymous wheelman at the helm of Drive, the staggering new film by Danish director Nicolas Winding Refn (Bronson, Valhalla Rising), oozes the kind of monosyllabic charisma reminiscent of Clint Eastwood’s Man With No Name, helping propel the narrative with an unwavering sense of existentialism to assure viewers the title zooms far beyond what merely happens behind the wheel. Ryan Gosling’s Driver is a man of few words and even fewer discernible emotions, but brims with calculated precision and meticulous instinct as he maneuvers his way through the streets of Los Angeles helping armed robbers evade the fuzz. By day he’s a stunt driver for movies, executing complicated car chase scenes with the grace of a ballet dancer and unblinking focus of a neurosurgeon. Despite the dangerous double life he’s used his talent to create, the lone, taciturn Driver seems void of any motivation or reward for his actions. What drives Driver? His bare apartment overlooking MacArthur Park suggests little concern for material validation, and his struggles to exhibit the most basic levels of social aptitude confirm no need or desire to impress anyone. “I don’t carry a gun,” Driver succinctly informs one unsavory client. “I drive.”

And drive he does. Driver does have one friend, his mechanic boss and fatherly mentor Shannon (Breaking Bad’s reliably great Bryan Cranston), who aims to start a stock racing team with Driver as its star. Shannon turns to a couple of mob baddies for cash to fund the project, and the more affable of the two, Bernie Rose (watch for Albert Brooks at the Oscars – his imminent nomination is all but carved in stone), admires Driver’s dexterity on the racetrack. “My hands are dirty,” Driver says to Bernie’s outstretched hand. “So are mine,” Bernie smiles.

Driver’s involvement with the wrong kind of people only escalates after he’s smitten with his pretty neighbor, Irene (Carey Mulligan, proving once again she’s the real deal), and her young son, Benicio (Kaden Leos), both of whom give Driver something to steer toward for perhaps the first time in his life. Irene’s wide-eyed innocence is palpable, but once her ex-con husband, Standard (Oscar Isaac, excellent), is released from prison, his need to pay back a debt and use Driver’s getaway skills quickly swerve the film into darker territory.

Refn’s keen eye for style, aesthetic and tone paves Drive with a dreamlike, retro pastiche that helps the movie float from scene to scene, in spite of the shocking bursts of violence peppered throughout the second half. From the freehand, neon font of the opening and closing credits to the pulsating, synth-driven score courtesy of master maestro Cliff Martinez, Drive is the kind of revelatory genre movie in the vein of Tarantino’s best, where all the unabashed influences combine to result in something wholly modern and unprecedented. Drive borrows its slick, hypnotic lull from early Michael Mann and Brian DePalma, while utilizing the same juxtaposing elements of fantastical love sequences and shocking brutality that made True Romance a classic, but Drive never feels derivative or rehashed. The heist-gone-bad plot angle is far from original, but Hossein Amini’s screenplay, adapted from James Sallis’ novella, is unique in relying far less on quick-witted dialogue than on how characters connect with one another without the use of words. In the hands of lesser actors, Drive’s long stretches of silent gazes, particularly between Gosling and Mulligan, would be groan inducing. Instead, the top-notch performances from the entire cast (seriously, not a weak link in the bunch) provide ample support for Refn’s dazzling vision.

Gosling’s white-hot career has long confirmed him one of the most critically adored actors of his generation, but the recent box-office success of Crazy, Stupid, Love has catapulted him to bona fide movie star status. He’s a 21^st century Steve McQueen in Drive, a listless loner with no backstory and effortless charm, but eventually unloads enough pathos by the heartbreaking end to achieve an astounding level of depth for a character whose name we never know. Plenty of unconventional casting choices round out the supporting players, including Mad Men bombshell Christina Hendricks as Girl Friday to one particularly crass thug, but Brooks has never been given the chance to achieve the kind of calm villainy he achieves here. As a former movie producer-turned mob impresario, Brooks’ Bernie Rose has the ready handshake of a man you’d be tempted to do business with, until his ruthless motives suddenly slice you to the core. Ron Perlman’s Nino is more obvious in his typical gangster quirks, but Perlman enlightens the role with welcome comic relief that keeps the role from becoming a caricature.

The beating heart of Drive, however, lies within Driver’s plight for purpose amidst his entanglements with this motley crew, and Refn lets his journey unfold with mesmerizing agility. Watching Driver transition from meticulous stoicism to vengeful, bloodthirsty contempt results in the most stylized and enthralling character study offered by any movie in years. Once Driver lets go of the wheel and lets his emotions do the steering, he finally becomes what he never felt he was: a real human being.

Images courtesy of IMDB and Film District.

Harry’s Law Interview: Kathy Bates As The Anti-Ally McBeal

David E. Kelley’s trademark contribution to the world of television is perfecting a formula for quirky law dramedies that garner response from both viewers and critics alike. From introducing Ally McBeal to America’s pop culture vernacular in the 90s to even making a fictional business partnership between James Spader and William Shatner earn Emmy recognition, Kelley has carved an indelible niche in primetime programming whose rate of success shows no signs of objection from audiences.

Kelley’s latest incarnation is the offbeat legal zinger Harry’s Law, starring Oscar winner Kathy Bates as the titular character, a former hotshot patent lawyer with a revamped career path: defending unlikely clients out of a shoe store in the rundown heart of Cincinnati. After Harry’s Law became NBC’s most watched drama last season, the series was awarded a second incarnation which premieres later this month. Bates, a 2011 Emmy nominee for her work as Harry, was recently on hand to discuss her approach to the unconventional character and how the show will evolve beyond sudden cast changes to explore the newfound depth of Harry’s new trajectory as a defense lawyer.

“I love playing a character who’s blunt, who’s irritable, who doesn’t get along with everybody, who doesn’t make any secret of her feelings and yet at the same time she’s complex and we don’t really understand everything that’s going on with Harry at the moment and things are revealed in time,” Bates said of Harry’s “prickly,” idiosyncratic nature.

Despite what may come across as unlikable personality traits on the surface, Bates explained how Harry’s dynamics actually have a positive effect, especially in her chosen line of work, that maintain the character’s popularity with viewers. “I think all of us have been in situations where we’ve maybe had a confrontation with someone and we walk away from it and then maybe a few minutes later or even a day later we think, ‘Oh, I wish I had said that. I wish I had been clever enough to say exactly this to that person,’” Bates began. “And I think that’s one of the things that Harry has is that ability that we all wish we had to say in the moment eloquently and forcefully exactly what’s on our mind and what even makes the best argument at a given moment. And it’s fun to be able to … play someone that has that almost superhuman ability to express themselves in that way.”

Although Harry’s hardened exterior is a staple of the show’s structure, the supporting cast helps provide comic relief and dimension to help round out an emotional resonance. However, Brittany Snow’s faithful, fashionable assistant, Jenna, and Aml Ameen’s intriguing reformed criminal-turned-paralegal, Malcolm, won’t be returning for the next season. Stepping in are Broadway star Karen Olivo and Human Target’s Mark Valley as the newest additions to Harry’s list of legal-eagle colleagues, a change-up that caught even Bates herself a bit off-guard.

“Well I sure hope so,” Bates declared, when asked if the casting alterations will still provide Harry’s Law with a strong support system for the main character.  “I have to say I’m one that really misses Brittany and Aml. I was very close to Aml especially last year and I miss very much having him on the show. I wish that he was still there,” Bates admitted, before taking a moment to discuss her approval of Olivo and Valley’s contributions to the upcoming season.

“I think both with Karen and with Mark, who I already adore working with, Harry’s got some issues with Mark’s character, Ollie; he doesn’t always rub her the right way. And I think with Karen’s character [Cassie], she’s becoming a bit of a mentor. At first [Harry’s] very blunt with Cassie and, you know, doesn’t treat her very well but in the later episodes I’m discovering she’s beginning to have a mentor relationship with her which is something that Harry detests doing but I think she’s beginning to embrace more in her old age. But I sure do miss Aml and miss Brittany and I’m hoping that they’ll be back at some point.”

In addition to the absence of first season favorites and the introduction of new series regulars, Bates dished on upcoming guest stars and other supporting players who will play pivotal roles as the show steers toward a more fully realized dramatic direction. “The first three episodes actually involve a murder case,” Bates admitted. “Alfred Molina, wonderful actor of stage and screen, plays a man who has been accused of murdering his wife. And Jean Smart, who is the DA or who is prosecuting him, is [another] one of our guest stars. And there are a lot of twists and turns in that case over the first three episodes. Also, Paul McCrane, who was the district attorney last year, he’s going to be back this year … it’s a very interesting case about a young woman who’s been charged with homicide because she outed a girl at high school for being gay on her blog. And it’s a very timely subject. The girl committed suicide and so the young blogger is being charged with [murder]. So that’s one of the cases that I found really interesting this season.”

With Harry’s Law beginning to deviate from the inner-city, grassroots atmosphere that personified its first season, Bates explained why showrunners felt it necessary to give the series a heavier, more traditional narrative as Harry’s reputation as a defense attorney begins to hold greater weight. “I think what you see in the very beginning of the opening season is that the neighborhood has become a little more gentrified [anyway],” Bates said. “It was going in that direction when Harry first opened the shoe store law firm and it’s gone a little further in that way. You know, I think in order to take these big cases on, it was a sort of necessary growth pain that the firm had.”

While Harry’s legal profile and magnitude of cases may evolve over the course of the series, her steely demeanor will surely remain intact. Despite her character’s unflinching nature, Bates revealed the surprisingly sentimental source for her inspiration.

“Well it certainly has been a wonderful pretend for me. You know, my mother, God rest her, born in 1907, wanted to be a lawyer and I think there were so very few choices available to her when she was coming along. And when I got the script for Harry’s Law I thought about my mother and I thought, ‘Well, you know, this is I guess as close as she’ll get,’” Bates said. “And it’s a bit of a nostalgic trip for me at times imagining what kind of lawyer she would’ve been because she was awfully smart and blunt herself. And so I kind of feel like she’s the Harry Korn in my life.”

Don’t miss Kathy Bates in the second season of Harry’s Law, beginning Wednesday, September 21 at 9/8c on NBC.

Images courtesy of NBC/Greg Gayne/Jordan Althaus.

I Don’t Know How She Does It Review: Self-Absorbed and Stale

So I’m going to have to go ahead and pop out a kid or two before I even try to watch the new Sarah Jessica Parker supposed comedy I Don’t Know How She Does It again. And while I’m at it, let me go ahead and…

1) find a high powered job that flies me back and forth across country entrenching me firmly in the upper middle class

2) get a fabulous (and quite adorable) husband

3) a babysitter whom my kids adore, and finally…

4) play sexual volleyball with my attractive new boss (a dashing Pierce Brosnan) who falls in love with me.

With all that done, I’m going to definitely check out this film in say 10, 20, even 30 years when I can more likely relate to it and relish just how hard it is to be a working mom who has it all. Or better yet, how about I just not because the new film I Don’t Know How She Does It is a silly and self-absorbed effort that tries far too hard to tote itself as the anthem for working mothers who will more likely feel alienated than anything else.

I Don’t Know How She Does It revolves around Kate Reddy (Parker), a working mother of two whose high powered career in finance is always one step from being in jeopardy because she, you know, has a uterus. Kate works long hours and travels often meaning she doesn’t have a lot of time to spend with her two kids: the adorable Ben and the resentful Emily who just wants a normal mother. Kate also has a fabulously understanding husband, Richard (played by Greg Kinnear) who’s currently out of work or struggling, and an always late although fabulous babysitter Paula (Jessica Szohr) who loves her kids. And while things aren’t perfect, Kate manages this wonderfully imperfect life and things seem to be going great. That is until both Kate and Richard get an unexpected promotion at their jobs meaning new duties outside the home. And when Kate’s job forces her to live two separate lives, one back home with her family in Boston and one in New York City with her new boss, the charming and gorgeous Pierce Brosnan, Kate is left to wonder how much she’s willing to sacrifice for her career.

For the 20-30% of women who can relate to Kate, I just want to say kudos, your life’s going well. The life and struggles of the well off have been vastly underrepresented in Hollywood, and it’s great that you finally get your moment to shine. And now for the other 80% of women whose daily life is a actual struggle to, you know, find daycare, get the kids fed, keep the husband satisfied, and still make it to work on time without those ugly trappings of money and a rising career, your time will come some day.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not hating on Kate for being privileged, I can’t stand the brood because she’s preachy, judgmental and stuck on herself to the extent that it excludes everyone else. And I don’t mean to get preachy as well, but in times full of economic uncertainty and unemployment on the rise, being a working mother in a two parent family with an adoring husband who’s not screwing the nanny while you’re jetting off to fancy dinners with your boss who thinks the sun rises on you seems like you’re already winning. Kate’s problem is she wants it ALL, she wants this fast-paced life and to still be able to tuck her kids in bed. She’s living in a dream world where you don’t have to acknowledge that sometimes you have to sacrifice in order to live the life you want. She fully expects to have everything, and is willing to give up nothing to get it. Rooting for Kate in this instance feels like supporting her delusion, and I refuse to be a part of that.

Plenty of other characters in this film have learned the nature of sacrifice, but far from the voice of reason seen through Kate’s eyes, these are her enemies. First you have the full-time moms, whose delight it is to actually make home made goods for their child’s bake sale. Terming them “Mom-sters,” Kate criticizes how they don’t understand what it is to be a working parent. The sacrifices of said mothers who may have actually had lives and dreams of their own that didn’t involve nap times and wet wipes, is completely ignored in this. Then you have Kate’s co-worker Bunce (played by Seth Myers) a father of four who’s lucky enough to be male and doesn’t have to take care of his brood at home, but can instead join in on the after hours strip clubs schmoozing romps that bankers are known for. It doesn’t for a second cross her mind that, like her, Bunce could be a victim of the same environment that she is in that causes parents to sacrifice moments of their children’s life for being able to feed and cloth them.

At various times Kate is also up against her husband, her nanny, and her mother-in-law, all who don’t understand the trials of a working mom. She creates this scenario where it’s Kate vs. The World and it’s not too long into it when the audience discovers that Kate’s fighting against the prejudices of her own mind, and we’re just along for the ride.

In Kate’s mind she is a trailblazer, but the truth is society today doesn’t look at working mothers the same way that she does. This movie would have been far more effective focusing on the actual sacrifices that Kate and OTHER working parents make in order to ensure a comfortable life for their families. In fact this movie could have worked better under almost any other character provided that they exhibited a shred of the self-awareness that our protagonist lacked.

I Don’t Know How She Does It is supposed to be a comedy, but there’s nothing particularly funny about this film. Now for the acting: Sarah Jessica Parker is Kate, for all the good that does her. Christina Hendricks is underused as Allison Henderson, Kate’s best friend. And so is Greg Kinnear for his part as Kate’s husband. There is very little importance placed on Richard and Kate’s relationship throughout the film and I find that oddly disconcerting. Do these people even exist to each other outside of co-parenting? There is no spark to their relationship, outside of the kids. And the other alternative, Brosnan as Jack Abelhammer, Kate’s N.Y. boss who professes to have the hots for her. This relationship seems forced as well. Where in the world did this come from? I have to go on an aside here and say Brosnan remains at the top of his game for gorgeous, make you want to melt in your seat charm. He’s still on par with his James Bond days, and frankly put, I miss you! Olivia Munn plays Momo Hahn, Kate’s personal assistant. Busy Phillips takes the role of Wendy Best, head of the Mom-sters and Kelsey Grammer plays Clark Cooper, Kate’s boss while in Boston.

Overall, I Don’t Know How She Does It is a lame film full of its own self-importance as is its main character. The film never really rises above the faulted and judgmental Kate who’s creating opponents in her mind. Maybe the world was once in disbelief that a woman could work outside the home and raise a family as well, but countless TV shows, movies, and decades before have proven that she can.

Skip it.

Photos courtesy of Craig Blankenhorn/The Weinstein Company.

Jersey Shore Review: Marathon Meatball Make-out Session

*shudder* I must say this was one of the grossest episodes of Jersey Shore I’ve ever seen, and that’s no small feat. Remember, this is a group that has had numerous one night stands with some of the worst skanks on the east coast. This is a group that lived with a clogged toilet overrun with feces – for weeks. A nasty group. That being said, I was really turned off by the last episode.

The gang is going to the beach for a weekend of fun and relaxation. When they arrive, the girls shop while the boys hang out on the beach. Snooki and Deena agree that it’s never too early to start drinking, and they begin tossing ‘em back. We know the correlation between alcohol and annoyance is pretty high, and Jenni and Sam quickly grow weary of the Meatballs’ boisterous antics. They are all supposed to have dinner and then go out later, so Jenni and Sam thinks it’s a good time to return to their rooms. Deena and Snooki want to keep the party going and continue drinking. They run into the fellas at an eatery, where they put on quite the show. There’s music playing, so they begin dancing furiously. Deena dances so hard that she manages to wiggle right out of her bikini bottoms. They are absolutely wasted, and there is a long night ahead of them.

They finally stumble back to the room to change for dinner, but by this time everyone else has almost finished eating. They arrive at the restaurant totally wasted. Eventually they head out to the club in a cab and Jenni remarks that this is usually what she expect on the ride home. Sam suggested that maybe Deena should skip the club and just go home, since she was in such poor shape. That idea was quickly rejected. When they get to the club it becomes obvious that Deena isn’t wearing any underwear. In her drunken preparation she forgot to put them on. She’s giving everyone a free show and doesn’t seem to care one way or another.

Next, Deena and Snooki begin making out. They smooch. And smooch. And smooch some more. You can hear and see them swap spit all night and it’s pretty disgusting. And inappropriate. They are friends and shouldn’t be crossing that line. If one of them was a guy it wouldn’t be okay, so I don’t think it’s ok just because they are two girls. Friends don’t do that. Equally as important: Snooki is in a relationship. Her behavior is so inappropriate that the roommates begin to see what Jionni was talking about. It’s not hot and it’s not cool.

The next day the Meatballs remember nothing. They look like death warmed over. The guys make subtle jokes, and Jenni and Sam tell them they made out the ENTIRE night. Jenni hints that Jionni might not be cool with it. When Snooki confesses her wild night, Jionni is ok with it. She breathes a sigh of relief and probably learns nothing from the entire incident. I’m all for having a good time, but the Meatballs need to tighten up a bit. Making out with your best friend all night and flashing your who-ha to the whole club is not a good look.

When they get back to town they have to go to work at the pizzeria. The Meatballs are the worst employees ever. If cameras weren’t rolling and if this was a real job they would have been fired a long time ago. A rough day at work quickly becomes the least of their worries when Snooki later has an accident while driving through the city. To make matters worse, she crashes into a police car, of all possible vehicles. At least she wasn’t drunk when it happened – a legit concern with this group. The guys try to come to her rescue, but it looks like she ends up in jail. Will the Meatballs end up in the pokey? Stay tuned.

Best of the episode: Ron jacking Pauly’s swag, leading Pauly to coin the phrase “swacking.”

Worst of the episode: The Marathon Meatball Make-out Session

What to watch for next: Snooks in jail

Jersey Shore Season 4, Episode 7: Meatball Mashup (original air date September 15, 2011)

Jersey Shore airs Thursdays at 9/8c on MTV

Images courtesy of MTV.

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