The Amazing Race Review: Africa-It’s Very Spacious

This week we find out how it’s possible for a team to go from first place to last in The Amazing Race without having any trouble with the tasks or making any mistakes. Marcus and Amani were able to do it, and it would have been a travesty for them to get kicked off like this, but luckily for them it was a non-elimination round. Here’s how it happened:

They were the first team to start off this leg of the race, but all the teams end up on the only plane flying out of Bangkok, Thailand to Malawi in Africa. Marcus and Amani get seated in the back, so they are the last team to deplane. Then they are one of two teams that get stuck in a huge, slow moving traffic jam that their taxi driver blames on “an engagement.” They’re the last team to arrive to the roadblocks and detours, but they don’t have any problems completing them (nobody did, they were really easy), so they are never able to make up any time. A taxi they use to get to the Pit Stop then brakes down and they are the last team to check in. If it wasn’t a non-elimination leg, they would have been eliminated pretty much because they were the last team to get off the plane.

That’s not what the Amazing Race is all about. It’s about racing other teams and quick wits and challenging tasks. Not frustrations with planes, trains or automobiles. Here’s how this episode went down.

When the teams reach the capital of Malawi, Lilongwe, they race to a tobacco warehouse. Once there, one team member must get into an orange jumpsuit and use a dolly to move ten 200-pound bags of tobacco in a maze of crates. The teams were cheered on by the warehouse workers as they sang and danced in teal jumpsuits. It made working in a tobacco warehouse seem really fun, which, based on the masks the workers wore around their necks, I’m sure it isn’t. The task is easily done by Jeremy, Justin, Ernie, Laurence and Tommy.

By this time Marcus and Amani and team Ma and Pa are still stuck in traffic. Making small talk with the driver Cathi says “We love your country already; it is very spacious,” in the sort of tone you may use addressing a child. FYI, that quote is also the title for this episode. Once Ma and Pa get to the warehouse, Bill shows us again what great shape he’s in for being over 60. He’s the poster boy for living on a farm, I’m even considering doing it. His baling skills outperform the much more athletic Marcus.

We learn some more interesting details about the remaining teams this episode. Amani & Marcus’ youngest is a special needs child and is a main motivation for them in the race. Jennifer teaches special-needs kids and Justin is a physician. Jeremy is the father of a 6-year-old son who he misses very much and Sandy’s a nurse. Little things like this makes the contestants a little more relatable and should be revealed in earlier episodes.

The clue they get after completing the warehouse task tells them to drive to a monument and at the monument is another clue (why did they have to go to the monument?) that tells them to either “sew up” or “grow up.” For “sew up” they have to find a tailor shop in a busy marketplace and hem a man’s suit to his specifications. For “grow up” they have to make a toy truck out of cartons and bottle caps at a local school. Jeremy & Sandy, Justin & Jennifer, Andy & Tommy and Laurence & Zac decided to go to the school. Right around this time we find out that Dad Laurence is not just a narcissistic jerk. He’s also sexist. I wasn’t surprised to find this out.

Laurence tells his son Zac that the sewing task is “where the women whip past us,” assuming that all women know how to sew. At the school, while putting together the toy truck, he tells Sandy and Jennifer how surprised he is they aren’t doing the sewing challenge, even mentioning to Jeremy that one should question marrying a woman that can’t sew. He jabs himself with some scissors while spewing these sexist comments, which seems appropriate, but I really just want him out of the race. Zac, on the other hand, seems like a nice kid with a good head on his shoulders, so I’m guessing he gets it from his mom.

The sewing task, which Ernie and Cindy, Bill and Cathi, and Marcus and Amani all do, takes a little bit longer to do than making the toy trucks. They are old manual sewing machines that tend to break down a lot. Marcus really wants to do this task, mentioning that his mother and grandmother were expert sewers. I guess he thought there was a sewing gene that gets passed down from generation to generation. He was able to hem a pair of pants well enough to finish the task and get the clue though.

After completing the tasks the teams go to a furniture shop and pick out two bed frames, load them on a truck and transport them to a small village to check in at the Pit Stop. The roads don’t go all the way into the village, so the teams have to carry the beds the rest of the way along a wooded trail to check in. The beds are heavy and awkward to carry and Sandy manages to cut her shoulder. Cindy collapses under the weight of the bed frame as it falls on top and traps her. Jokingly she yells “I’m in jail,” as she waits for Ernie to rescue her. The perpetually clumsy Cathi manages to carry it to the end of the trail just fine.

Justin and Jennifer are able to find Phil surrounded with several smiling locals first, with snowboarders Andy & Tommy right behind them. Regretfully Phil tells the Siblings that they failed to pay their truck driver and they have to go back before checking in. They were able to go back and pay the driver and get back quick enough to snag second place, but a British Virgin Islands vacation ended up going to the Snowboarders. Andy and Tommy manage for the second time this season to win first place by default. Bill & Cathi were the only other team that stiffed their driver and had to go back and pay.

Jeremy & Sandy checked in for third, then came Laurence & Zac and Ernie & Cindy. Amani & Marcus, after their taxi broke down and they had to hitch another ride, bring in the rear right behind Ma and Pa. But Phil has some good news for them as he tell them that they are not eliminated and get to move on in the race, albeit with a Speed Bump they will have to perform, of course.

This week The Amazing Race managed to showcase a country I knew nothing about and make me want to go there. But the relative ease of the tasks and the number of equalizing moments in the race so far (like only one plane, or waiting for something to open up) is wearing thin. The earlier episodes had more of a balanced challenge to them. Now in the middle of the season it has gotten into a frustrating rut. My pet peeve of unavoidable traveling annoyances aside, it really would have been a low point if Marcus and Amani left this episode just because they had bad seats on the plane the Roadblocks and Detours were sub-par.

What do you think? And seriously, what is up with Laurence? He’s making Americans look bad, and he’s not even American!

For another take on this episode, check out Like One Big Racing Family by Keshaunta Moton.

Season 19, Episode 6 “We Love Your Country Already – It’s Very Spacious” (original airdate October 30, 2011)

The Amazing Race airs Sunday nights at 8/7c on CBS.

Images courtesy of Robert Voets and CBS Broadcasting.

Like Crazy Review: Liking This Movie Isn’t Crazy At All

I’m going to be honest; I was scared to see Like Crazy. Romantic dramas are usually hit or miss for me. They can either be really, really good, or they can leave me feeling rather nauseated. And, frankly, most of them fall into the second category.  I was even more nervous because I absolutely love star Anton Yelchin, who played the lead in one of my favorite teen comedies of all time, Charlie Bartlett, and I was going to be super bummed if Like Crazy wasn’t good after I’d grown to love him so much.

Lucky for me, I really had nothing to worry about.

Like Crazy follows two young people, Anna (Felicity Jones) and Jacob (Anton Yelchin), attending college in Los Angeles. The two fall in love, but matters are complicated when Anna, who is British, overstays her visa after graduation to spend more time with Jacob. This one decision sets the stage for their relationship over the next few years. After going home for a family visit, Anna learns that she won’t be allowed back in America due to her visa violation. What follows is a very real, very honest depiction of a long distance relationship as Anna and Jacob realize that it’s hard to stay together, but it’s even harder to let each other go.

What makes this movie fall into the not-nauseating category is that it deftly avoids any sort of melodrama. Many major moments in Anna and Jacob’s relationship are left out, which leaves room for the audience to fill in the blank, but also lets us avoid any sort of overdramatizing. Instead of seeing the most groundbreaking moments in the lives of these characters, we see the more realistic side, the day-to-day bits that change their lives, even if they don’t know it.  And while many intense and unhappy moments happen on screen, the film never becomes annoyingly sappy. Instead it always remains realistic and honest.

It was the honesty of this movie that stood out to me the most, actually. Both Yelchin and Jones, as well as the supporting cast, are great in their roles, but a great deal of credit has to be given to screenwriters Drake Doremus and Ben York Jones. The dialogue in this movie is so spot-on that it’s almost shocking. Doremus and Jones manage to catch the subtleties of realistic conversation most screenwriters miss. Anna and Jacob’s first date is awkward, but not in a romantic comedy, over-the-top sort of way, but in that real first date sort of way where you make a joke and realize a second later that you may have sounded really stupid just then.  You can almost feel the characters uneasiness and embarrassment, which makes the scene even sweeter for it’s reality.

And then there are parts of the film that are utterly painful in their realness. In one scene in which Anna and Jacob argue, I found myself cringing in my seat. It felt as if I was intruding on a private moment, a guest in a house with two people having one of the most important and uncomfortable conversations of their lives.  There was no dramatic music, no scene of Anna bursting into tears, no screaming of profound and earth-shattering truths.  No, instead there are two people arguing but trying to pretend they’re not. “Don’t shout at me!” Anna says at one point. “Why are you shouting?” It was just so real.

But it wasn’t just the dialogue. The entirety of the movie was surprisingly honest.  The way it portrayed long-distance relationships seemed spot on – the flurry of text messages, the missed phone calls, the attempts to move on, the inability to say goodbye, even when there’s another person in the picture. Nothing comes easy for these characters; there is no simple, clean-cut solution. Just as there rarely is one in life.

If you’re a fan of good writing, good acting, and quiet, honest stories, Like Crazy is the film to see. It’s sweet enough for a romantic and bitter enough for a cynic. Check it out if you get the chance.

Images courtesy of Paramount Pictures and IMDBPro.

Dexter Review: Glue On An Angel’s Wings

The mystery of the Doomsday killers doesn’t get any clearer on this week’s Dexter, but it does turn up some interesting leads while Dexter starts to make a new friend and Deb starts to move on.

The Miami Metro gang is hard at work looking into leads for the Doomsday killer, with only Dexter still suspecting there may be two suspects involved. While examining the angel wings from last week’s killing, Dex discovers a rare glue was used to hold them together, which later turns out to be a glue used to fix older manuscripts. He doesn’t tell Deb about his findings and instead decides to investigate Travis all on his own.

Angel and Quinn are tasked with checking out a new lead, one of Geller’s former assistants, Charisa Porter. Dexter heads to a museum where one of the victims worked and gathers some intel on Travis, who doesn’t have a previous record. He’s called to a murder/suicide scene by Anderson, and quickly impresses the new detective by laying out a play-by-play of the events. Later, Brother Sam comes in to report a drive-by at his shop, and Dex invites him over to see Harrison. The two talk and Dexter reveals that seeing his mother killed at age three traumatized him and led him to work in homicide. Sam wants him to explore what the good inside him can do.

Angel and Quinn question Porter, who doesn’t seem to know anything of consequence about Geller. Quinn’s just recently been dumped and asked his ex-fiancee for the ring back, so of course he ends up sleeping with Porter that night. When Angel comes to pick him back up, he finds a box labeled “Geller,” and in it, a journal depicting the angel wings murder. Porter confirms the sketches are Geller’s and the two head back to Miami Metro.

Travis and Geller spend this week looking for a “whore of Babylon” as their next victim. Because Geller’s face has shown up in the news connected with the Doomsday killings, Travis tries to abduct a girl on his own, which fails. So, he calls Geller for help, who hits a victim with his car while Travis takes care of the rest of the abduction.

Travis gets a surprise later when Dexter, who had already searched his house, surprises Travis from the backseat of his car. They talk as Travis drives for a few blocks, Dexter getting him to reveal he hasn’t been able to kill anyone himself yet. He lets Travis go, who tells Geller he isn’t feeling well, but Geller has a look in his eye that says he knows something more is going on.

The big shock comes in the last few minutes when Dexter sees Brother Sam get shot by an unknown assailant. Dex really can’t seem to lead any semblance of a normal life, can he? Is Brother Sam’s shooter a deeper mystery? Or just a piece of the gang violence that was already a part of his life before Dexter came into the picture? Either way, I doubt it’s connected to the Doomsday killers. But, could this distract Dexter from his mission? He’s already got evidence on and a confession from Travis.

Deb really had kind of a fracked-up week with Quinn asking for the ring back, and now a third homicide situation for her to deal with. After a confrontation with Jamie, where I fully believe the babysitter was in the right, she moves into the murder/suicide victim’s old place? And keeps Quinn’s ring? I’m thinking another, maybe even a series of regular meetings is needed with the counselor for the new lieutenant.

Props to Masuka for dropping his klepto intern before she could get her hands on any more evidence, although it might reflect poorly on the department’s budding educational outreach program that he’s on his third intern in a matter of weeks. Even though new guy Louis was able to erase any internet records of the Ice Truck Killer’s prosthetic hand sale, and cracked a code in Revelations, will he have some flaw that gets him the boot? Also, does anyone think we’ve really seen the last of Ryan? I’m not so sure.

Season 6, Episode 5: ”The Angel of Death” (Original airdate October 30, 2011)

Channel your dark passenger with Dexter, Sundays at 9 on Showtime.

Images courtesy of Showtime

 

Puss in Boots: Conference with Director Chris Miller and Stars

Hayek, also a native Spanish-speaker, portrays feline fatale Kitty Softpaws in the flick. She admitted to being less concerned about cultivating a sexy voice for her character than she was about the recording process itself. “I didn’t prepare. I never got to see a [complete] script. So I just showed up blind; there were no drawings at all,” she revealed. “It reminded me of my grandmother who would tell me all these amazing tales and I’d have to just imagine everything.” Ultimately relieved of her initial anxiety, Hayek told us, “I’m just grateful I had some training. I was scared to be by myself. Chris is an amazing director, and Antonio took me out of a box, because he really pushed me to explore improvisation in comedy.”

Improv was a considerable component of the movie, Miller explained, noting that since the process was less rigid and time-restricted than live-action filming, there was more room to play around with dialog and experiment with delivery. “We would give a line to Amy and know full well that the line would never be in the movie,” he said, pointing an accusatory finger in her direction. “She gave us 80 different versions of everything.” Sedaris (villainous Jill to Thornton’s Jack onscreen), a real show-off through and through, never misses an opportunity for laughs and one-upmanship. “I have a niece, and my siblings are always competing for best aunt and uncle.” After filming this movie, she said, “So far, I’m winning.” Her favorite part of being a part of the project? “I love that I have a husband,” she said, nudging Thornton. “They finally gave me a husband in a movie.”

Thornton offered his take on the experience after describing his character as Henry VIII’s “mentally challenged brother:” “I just deferred to Chris at every moment. I’m a rookie at this; I wouldn’t have known how to do any of it. Chris would say, ‘Hey, do this, and say it this way.’” Much more interested in the psychology and philosophy behind the classic characters and stories depicted in the Shrek universe, Thornton argued, “Those things are pretty dark, those fairy tales and nursery rhymes. Amy and I agreed earlier that something went seriously wrong with Jack and Jill when they went up that hill to get the water.”

Galifianakis, an increasingly-mainstream alt comedian who brought a too-cool affability to the room, was interested in his character’s motivations, as well. He started, “Well, the Humpty Dumpty character that I play- I never thought I’d say that sentence in my life…” before describing him as a misunderstood fellow whose many flaws mask an earnest nature. “In the end, his greed gets the best of him. Down deep in his yolk, he’s an okay guy.” How did he prepare for the part? “I interviewed the real Humpty Dumpty, who’s now 89 years old,” he deadpanned before adding, “Really, Chris gave me all the information I know. All I had were vague memories from childhood.”

Miller took his role as a director seriously throughout the process, aiding his cast to the best of his ability to achieve the vision in his head. The Shrek movies are known for an irreverent and somewhat edgy approach to benign subject matter, and Puss in Boots is no different. “I operate on a gut feeling,” Miller said in regard to the decisions he must make when it comes to employing innuendo. “I can’t think of a specific time when we went too far and had to pull back. Though this movie is directed toward a family audience, at the end of the day, I want to make a movie that I’d like to see.” Likening him to legends in the vein of Clint Eastwood, Indiana Jones, and Errol Flynn, Miller spoke of his protagonist with affection: “I love how seriously Puss takes himself and how melodramatic he can be.”

Miller also spoke of Guillermo del Toro’s invaluable input as Executive Producer, saying, “Having [him] tied to this movie was just a blessing…We’d bring him in once a month or every six weeks to show him artwork, and he continually pushed us to make the film more exciting. It was a complete collaborative effort.” Emphasizing the visual presentation of the picture, Miller said, “The film is best seen in 3D, without a doubt. The story plays really, really well in that format.” Avatar and How To Train Your Dragon were perfect examples of how 3D can greatly enhance a hero’s journey when done correctly, he explained, hoping audiences feel the same way. Judging by their turnout so far and by the popularity of the films that spawned it, Puss will certainly get a lot of mileage out of those boots before we see the last of him.

Images courtesy of IMDbPro.

The X Factor Review: Top 17 Fight for a Spot in Top 12

Last week on The X Factor, after surviving the Judges’ Homes’ Round, the Top 17 remaining contestants returned to L.A. for one vital performance in front of a studio audience to fight for a spot in the Top 12. Each contestant performed in categorical order, and then their mentor/judge decided immediately which contestant to send home (Simon has to send 2 girls home since he was an idiot last week and let Melanie Amaro GO HOME and then had to fly to her house to go grovel and beg her to come back), leaving us with a final Top 12, which will begin live performances next week for America’s votes. What makes this show so different and compelling, however, is that not only are the contestants fighting to win the $5 million dollar contract and starring role in a Pepsi commercial, but the judges are competing against one another too. Each judge wants a contestant from THEIR category to win the prize, and so each judge is not just watching the performances, but critiquing their fellow judges’ song choices, choreography, and mentoring with their contestants. It is quite fun and fascinating to watch, and makes for a lot of banter between the judges.

Since this is the first season that I watched The X Factor, I’m always feeling like there are new and fun things to discover each week. Mostly good, some bad, others just interesting or weird. This week, I’ve discovered that the shows theme music sounds a hell of a lot like the theme music to America’s Got Talent. Listen to it. Trust me. I have also noticed that host Steve Jones has very little patience. It actually cracks me up. He kept cutting off the judges, cutting off the contestants, and saying things like: “Alright then. Off you go. . .” while pushing them off the stage in the middle of their sentence. I would normally say that this is due to time constraints, but Holy Hell, the show was 2.5 hours this week!!! If you have a 2.5 hour show and you are STILL rushing, perhaps you should rethink your scheduling. Anyway, this dude’s accent makes him sound as if he is reporting live from The Outback Steakhouse, and he comes across a bit like he would rather be just about anywhere else. He delivers his dialogue like he’s in a huge rush to go off on some big date. He also seems void of all human emotion. Contestants have broken down on his shoulders, cried on him, screamed and hugged into him; and yet he just sort of stands there. He is like that non-maternal woman who pats the head of a child awkwardly while saying: “Now now . . . there there.” Steve Jones is an enigma wrapped in a mystery, wrapped in hair gel. I kinda like him. One final and inconsequential thing I have noticed is that L.A. Reid looks like a potato. Okay, moving on to the performances . . .

L.A. Reid / The Boys:

Astro: This little 14 yr. old obnoxious, conceited, yet extremely talented firecracker opened the show with “Jump,” and immediately came across like he was already a star. His extreme confidence is almost shocking, and while watching him, you just sort of wonder “where the hell did this kid come from?” He is very good. A natural, and a good song choice by L.A. Reid on this one.

Chris Rene: Weirdest song choice ever on this one. Madonna??? Really??? Yup. Really. And not just Madonna, but the most random Madonna song ever. “Love Don’t Live Here Anymore” was what Reid chose for Rene, which didn’t show off his immense unique vocal phrasing or ability at all. I mean, he did the best he could with it, but to me, his best performance was his first audition, when he blew the roof off the place with his original song/rap, which remained in my head for days afterwards; it was so damn catchy. What the hell are you gonna make this kid sing next week? Tiffany? Debbie Gibson? Come ON!

Philip Lomax: Another stupid song choice here. They put this kid through because he has something special and different. He is a modern-day crooner; another Harry Connick Jr., with his own flare and personality. So what do they do? They give him a song that has ZERO Jazz or crooner qualities in it (“I’m A Believer”), and that strips his voice of all of its original qualities, making him sound just like everybody else. Makes no sense to me. Simon agreed, saying that Reid “failed this kid.” Correct.

Marcus Canty: My favorite of this category, because with his charm, talent, and rubber legs, this kid’s got it all. The song choice for him was Culture Club’s “Do You Really Want to Hurt Me” which gave him a great opportunity to show off his fantastic phrasing, soul, and vocals. He has so much life inside of him that just comes out onstage. Still found it an odd song choice, but he totally put his stamp on it. All the judges loved this performance. Go Marcus!

GOING HOME: Philip Lomax (not surprising, considering they pretty much sent him packing with that awful, throwaway song choice.)

Paula / The Groups:

The Stereo Hogzz: Their performance of the song “Try A Little Tenderness” was pretty incredible. Not sure who came up with this unique version of the song, but it was great. Sort of a mix of standard, old school and hip-hop, all meshed together. Paula’s choreography was excellent, and the group’s unique talent definitely showed through in this performance. Simon had trouble getting the words out while complimenting Paula: “I’m trying to say something, but my mouth won’t say it,” he laughed. Then: “Paula, you did a great job.” Yes she did.

The Brewer Boys: This group was given an acoustic version of the song “Faith.” Their harmonies were very pretty, and the song was quite good, but it really felt like they set this band up to be sent home just like with Lomax in the men’s category. The song just didn’t show them off in the way it should have, and the show seems really set on using one of the two groups that THEY “created” out of individual soloist contestants. Personally, I think these boys got a bit left behind.

Instensity: This is one of the two groups formed by the judges, and they are quite good and seem to gel very well together. However, to me, it looked as if they were lipsyncing the entire song, and this really distracted me and made me annoyed. Simon called them the next “Glee,” which he meant as a compliment, but I think it’s more like “The Brady Bunch Variety  Hour.” Very cheesy. By the way, they did a weird version of “Footloose.” Yeah. Like I said. . . cheesy. Nicole called them “yummy pumpkins.” I have not a clue what that means.

Lakoda Rayne: The other of the two “created” groups, these 4 girls definitely have something to offer, but it’s all a little too “marketed” and “packaged” looking for me. It seems like they are trying to create the next Dixie Chicks or something with these four. They also looked as if they were lip syncing, which gave the whole performance a cheesy “music video” vibe that I wasn’t really digging. Apparently all the judges enjoyed this though, Paula cried at how much she loves these girls, and Simon quipped: “Paula, you’ve done incredible job with these groups. It’s really annoying.”

GOING HOME: The Brewer Boys. Surprise surprise ….

Nicole Schwarzinger / Over 30′s:

Dexter Haywood: Most bizarre song choice of the night, with Katy Perry’s “I Kissed A Girl.” WTF??? First of all . . . huh??? Second of all, he is a man, not a woman, so the lyrics make no sense whatsoever, unless he changes them to say the opposite sex, which he didn’t. Third, WHY DID YOU PICK THIS SONG? I still have not a clue who Nicole is (I guess she won the British version of this show? Is this what she did? I  have no idea. I just know she is incredibly overdramatic and has the most giant eyelashes I’ve ever seen.) Despite the song choice from hell, the judges seemed to like it, and Reid told him that he finally “found himself.” I didn’t think so. I thought that although talented as hell, he still came across as a cross between Mick Jagger and James Brown.

Leroy Bell: I love this 60 year old dude with the voice of an Angel. And finally, a perfect song choice with “Nobody Knows.” You can feel the raw, pure soul in his voice when he sings. He is awesome, and he doesn’t even really have to do anything. He just has that thing . . . you know . . . that thing . . . what’s it called? Oh, I know! THE X FACTOR!!! Get it? See what I did there? The judges loved it, but Simon criticized Nicole’s song choice and told Leroy “I wish I was mentoring you.” Then in the middle of Simon talking, Steve Jones brutally and quickly cut him off, saying abruptly “Okay then, gotta go, gotta go. Times up.” Man, this guy really wants to get outta there and go home.

Stacey Francis: The song choice was George Micheal’s “One More Try” (what’s with all the George Michael stuff?). A bit odd, but Stacey absolutely pulled it off with her extreme, pain-filled, emotional vocals. Why they dressed her like a two-bit hooker is beyond me, but this girl is talented. Simon loved her, but didn’t seem to like ANY of Nicole’s choices : “Didn’t like the song, didn’t like what you were wearing . . .” Nicole’s response was that the song “gave you wings.” Simon wanted to know what the hell that even means, and then Steve Jones cut them both off angrily.

Josh Kracjik: Definitely the performance of the night. Singing “Forever Young” the almost all a capella version of this song completely showed off Josh’s intense and big vocals, which are very reminiscent of Joe Cocker to me. He is great. Reid said “one of the greatest singers in the competition.” Simon agreed, and then Nicole BEGGED for a compliment or props from Simon, and got none. It was very sad.

GOING HOME: Dexter Haygood Since he is pretty much homeless, I am not sure where the heck he goes from here, but wherever it is, Steve Jones was in a huge rush for him to get the hell outta there and LEAVE already.

Simon / The Girls:

Simone Battle: Ugh. No idea what the hell Simon ever saw in this girl. No, wait. That’s not true. Of course I know. He wants to sleep with her. Obviously. This performance was simply awful. Terrible. As in, why is this on TV? Absolutely horrible song choice (“Just Be Good To Me”), and the really bad part is that she cannot sing. She pretty much aimlessly wandered back and forth in a ridiculous outfit with weird dancers and lights and smoke and all kinds of WEIRDNESS happening around her. All of it just made me think: “Really? HER over Caitlin Koch? Really???” Apparently I’m not alone in this thought, as Reid bluntly said “I don’t get it. Why’d you put her through, Simon?” Of course, Simon tried to justify it by saying she is relevant, blah blah blah . . . no one cared, and Steve Jones looked angry.

Rachel Crow: This song was a mash-up of “Where Did Our Love Go” and Beiber’s “Baby, Baby.” Did it work? For me, not really. This girl is extremely cute and extremely talented, however, so it almost didn’t matter that the song was . . . well . . . odd. There were way too many dancers on the stage, too much going on around her, and too much of everything except RACHEL up there. The song itself was weird, and it didn’t feel like something Rachel would naturally sing if she had chosen the song herself. She absolutely pulled it off, but seriously, were these people on drugs when making these song choices? I just don’t understand half of them at all.

Drew: So apparently the producers realized that this girl’s last name was a huge clusterf**k, so now she is just going by, simply, Drew. Like Cher. Madonna. Beyonce. I don’t know. The name Drew doesn’t really stand alone, but this chick is soooo talented. As Simon said, she has the perfect voice to be a recording artist. I love listening to her; one of the most gorgeous vocals I have heard in a long time. The tone, the pitch, the phrasing . . . it’s all just beautiful. The song choice was excellent and unique. A slowed down, piano version of “Flashdance: What A Feeling.” Perfect.

Tiah Tolliver: And now, back to the “WTF?” section of the show. Simon has stood up for this girl from the beginning, when none of the other judges believe she belongs there. I’m kind of in the middle with her. I get what Simon sees in her, but I also don’t think she’s the greatest thing since sliced bread either. And really, what the hell is so great about sliced bread anyway? It’s just bread. Sliced. The song was The Eurythmics “Sweet Dreams” and it was just . . . odd. The choreography going on behind her was something I just didn’t even understand; it was like a bad version of the Thriller video. The song, the melody, was repetitive and boring, and just not all that pleasant sounding. Again, during the judges comments, Steve Jones cut everybody off, citing “no time! no time! let’s go . . .” Jesus dude. Relax. Where else you gotta be?

Melanie Amaro: Now, if we had only listened to Steve Jones telling us to hurry the hell up, maybe Amaro’s performance of Whitney Houston’s “I Have Nothing” wouldn’t have felt like it was going at warp speed. Did anyone else feel like they were totally rushing her through that song? Her voice is mind-bogglingly good. She is simply incredible, and they don’t need to touch her. LEAVE HER ALONE. Why were they trying to turn her into J.Lo? The extensions, the extreme makeup … she didn’t even look like herself. There’s no need to glam her up that way. It’s just not necessary. Melanie is AWESOME! And to think, Simon almost let her go. Moron.

Going Home: Simone and Tiah - DUH!!!!

Next week, the Top 12 performs for your votes, and for the first time ever, America can vote via Twitter!!!! Yayyy!!! Isn’t that exciting? #WhoCares

Season 1, Episode 10 (originally aired October 25, 2011)

X Factor airs Wednesdays and Thursdays at 8/7c on FOX.

Photos courtesy of xfactorusa.com

In Time Review: Could Have, Should Have, Would Have Been Great

Let me open by reiterating my long-standing, enduring, slightly creepy adoration for Justin Timberlake. I’ve been a fan since, well, before it was technically legal. Since he quit making records (sadface) we’ve all watched pretty much every endeavor he stuck his hands in turn into a success. Even so, after all of that, the image of him as the lead in an action movie left me skeptical.

I am happy to report that Justin held up his end of the bargain in In Time, and his acting has improved by leaps and bounds. There is not one moment in the film where I thought of him as JT instead of Will Sallas, and though in a lot of ways his performance seems simply adequate, in other ways it is so much more than I expect.

Which is not to say that this is a great film. It’s not even a good film, which is disappointing given the original premise and occasionally well executed world building.

I knew we were in trouble from the opening sequence, in which Will (Justin Timberlake) states in voice over (paraphrase) “I don’t know how things got this way, or why. It doesn’t matter, because this is how it is now.”

The sentiment is understandable, it is. It doesn’t work, however, when you’re not only expecting an audience to buy a premise, but for the next almost two hours you’re going to build a world on that premise and try to execute a story in a world no one fully understands.

A quick look at director Andrew Niccol’s future: Instead of money, the world’s currency is time. Every human being is genetically engineered to live until they are 25, then they have 1 more year. If they don’t earn more time, after that year, they die. You can give time away, you can share it. You can earn it at a job, but bottom line – everything costs time, and the prices are always going up. The world has a not unrecognizable class system, in which the rich get richer (are, for all intents and purposes immortal) and the poor die young, kicked into gutters while people look the other way. Each person has a running clock on their forearm ticking down the seconds, minutes, or years they have remaining. Our hero, Will Sallas, lives day-to-day (or paycheck-to-paycheck, as it were).

The film’s relationship to, and commentary on, our own society are not hard to grasp. Switch money for time, and it’s not so different from the world we live in. A few have millions. The rest have nothing. In In Time there doesn’t seem to be a middle class, which is a big difference, but one that many people might argue we’re headed. There are a million points at which the problems of our society intersect with the society in this film; I don’t believe it’s meant to be a hidden metaphor for the widening gap between rich and poor in America today, and the consequences awaiting us all in the not too distant future.

Will lives with his mother (Olivia Wilde, who is fantastic) in the “ghetto” of Dayton, OH. He goes out for a drink one night with his pal Borel (Johnny Galecki) and they encounter a man with more than a century left to live. He shouldn’t be in a place like Dayton, a fact Will points out. Men are killed in the ghetto for a week. They would do anything to steal the kind of years this man has left.

The man, Henry Hamilton (Matt Bomer, swoon), states he doesn’t much care. Before the night is over a local gang, led by Fortis (Alex Pettyfer), tries to make Will’s prediction come true. Instead, Will spirits Hamilton away and they manage to hide. The two have a conversation in which we learn that Henry has lived for over a hundred years and has no inclination to live a hundred more. He asks Will what he would do if he had that kind of time and Will states firmly, “I sure as heck wouldn’t waste it.”

In the morning Will wakes up with over a hundred years on his clock, a note on the window that says don’t waste my time, and a “timed out” Henry Hamilton. Excited but trying to keep it under wraps, Will meets his friend Borel and shares 10 years. Next he goes to meet his mother, ready to finally take her to New Greenwich (the land of milk and honey, for the purposes of the film). His mother gets on the bus to meet him, but when she learns the bus now costs two hours instead of one, she can’t afford it. She tells the bus driver, “I only have an hour and a half. It’s a two hour walk from here.”

He looks at her and replies, “I guess you’d better run.”

I won’t spoil this for you. Olivia Wilde’s part in this film is relatively small, but this is one of the best, most memorable scenes in the movie. It packs an emotional wallop and is one of the better done snatches of world-building.

Once in New Greenwich Will begins, in my opinion, to waste Hamilton’s time. He spends it on a luxury suite, food, clothes, a kick-ass car, and a high stakes poker game. Which turns out okay, since he wins more time that he ever dreamed possible and meets his opponent’s daughter, Sylvia (Amanda Seyfried).

I have to take a moment to say whoever styled Amanda Seyfried for this movie should be fired from life. Her hair looked terrible, her makeup was even worse. She wore these impossibly skimpy outfits and eighteen-inch heels the entire film. Even later, when she was wearing other people’s clothes and all they were doing was running all day, every day. Eighteen-inch heels. Running for your life. Seriously.

Meanwhile the Timekeepers (police), led by Raymond Leon (Cillian Murphy) investigate the loss of Henry Hamilton’s time. It’s their job to make sure too much time doesn’t get into the wrong hands and upset the balance. Basically to keep people in their place. Leon and his officers show up at a party hosted by Sylvia’s father, Philippe Weis (Vincent Kartheiser), and remove all the time Will has been given or won up to this point, leaving him with only two hours. Instead of going quietly, Will uses Sylvia as a hostage and they run.

After a few days, they decide running isn’t enough, and this science fiction flick turns into Bonnie and Clyde Go to the Future. You can take it from there, I’m not into spoilers and honestly, there isn’t much more to tell because I’ve explained about everything we’re given explanations for.

There are a few poignant scenes and pieces of world-building that work so well it makes me sad that we lose them in a maze of plot holes, flat characters, and unexplained concepts. The “time zones” are one, which are areas cordoned off in the U.S. based on how much time people have. You have to spend months and years to cross between them, ensuring the poor stay that way and the rich don’t have to watch them die. Beautiful concept. The Timekeepers are another gem, albeit one that could have been explored in more depth. The scene with Will’s mother and the bus, equally stunning. There’s a part where Will goes running through New Greenwich while everyone else is walking at a leisurely pace, illustrating the difference between their world and his with so much force, but no words. One of the last Will/Sylvia scenes, another with Borel’s wife and baby, are both also well done.

Unfortunately, those quiet, powerful moments disappear like needles in a haystack of questions no one bothers to answer. There’s an interesting storyline with Will’s father that is dropped and never picked up again. The Timekeeper, Leon, has backstory I was dying to learn more about, something to let us understand what he found so desperately important about his job. How exactly the redistribution of “wealth” would overthrow the world order. Most glaringly, how the physiology of the genetic programming works. Everyone stops aging at twenty-five, but if your heart is engineered to stop beating one year later, how is it possible to extend that life by adding numbers to a clock? It’s not believable, but since this concept is the entire foundation for the film, we’re forced to go with it even though no one takes the time to explain.

Even so, the film didn’t bore me. It could have benefitted from a longer setup. There are plenty of running running running for you life (in eighteen-inch heels) scenes that could have been slashed in order to make room for, I don’t know, something that told us anything important.  The characters, particularly Sylvia, desperately needed more development. The events that took place in the scope of the movie make Will easy enough to believe, but when Sylvia leaves her rich, pampered life to play Bonnie to Will’s Clyde in the ghetto, living from day-to-day, we really don’t understand why.

I mean, JT is hot, but I don’t think that’s a good enough reason. Maybe.

Basically we’re supposed to gather from a few toss away lines that she’s never believed in the things her father does, and fears she’ll never get the chance to live even though she’ll never die.

Movies like this one make me more sad than anything, because they’re the might-have-beens of Hollywood. We’re all asking for more originality, something fresh, something new, something exciting. It’s disappointing when they actually try to give us those things, starting with a bang up idea, gathering a halfway decent cast…but fall down just short of their goal.

In Time has a great concept. The execution does not do justice to the idea, and will relegate this film to the dusty (but crowded) shelves of the could-have-been-great but instead easily forgotten pictures.

Photos Courtes of Stephen Vaughan and Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation.

Anonymous Review: The Conspiracy’s the Thing

I’m not sure what it says about humanity but its hard to deny the fact that we love us a good conspiracy theory. To look at our reactions to events both great and terrible one does not have to search high and low to find examples of our cynical and untrusting selves conjuring up alternative realities to why things happened and how. From the Apollo moon landings to September 11 and President Obama’s place of birth, it seems no subject is too well documented or straightforward to question.

Most of these famous conspiracy theories deal with those things have happened in the relatively recent past perhaps in the hope of seeking justice or punishing true guilty parties, but the anals of history are not all cast in stone and even today truth enthusiasts seek out new clues to shed light on very old mysteries. One such mystery (if you actually believe it is one) is the true authorship of the collective works of one William Shakespeare. Perhaps you’ve heard of him?

No? Well, in a nutshell he’s just the greatest playwright who’s ever lived and his work has influenced art as well as the whole bloody English language ever since it premiered in the late 1500s and early 1600s. His reputation is impeccable and will outlast any of us on Earth today but there are still those who have proposed that perhaps Mr. Shakespeare didn’t actually write his body of work himself. Numerous theories abound and one of the more fantastical ones is the subject of a new film called Anonymous directed by none other than Roland Emmerich.

Yes, you read that right. Roland Emmerich. The same man who blew up the White House in Independence Day, made people run away from coldness in The Day After Tomorrow, and literally dropped Los Angeles into the ocean in 2012 has directed a good old fashioned costume drama about Theatre, royal politics, incest, and society. You’re probably thinking no good can come from this and that was my gut reaction as well… BUT somehow, someway Emmerich has pulled off a sumptuous looking film that is both entertaining and fascinating. In fact, on an artistic level this is easily the best film he’s ever done.

I won’t attempt to go through all of the characters and their relationships here as watching them unfold is where the film’s fun lies, but the big name to remember is the Earl of Oxford (played by Rhys Ifans and Jamie Campbell Bower at different stages of his life) who is purportedly the man who penned all of Shakespeare’s works. The most logical followup question to this claim would of course be “Why not take credit for these stunning plays?” Well, back in the day, it was deemed beneath a nobleman to write plays or poetry for mere entertainment, so the Earl simply pawned his work off onto a real playwright named Ben Johnson (Sebastian Armesto) so they could be produced.

Johnson, not wanting to use his name on someone else’s work out of pride passed the plays on further to an illiterate, drunken actor named William Shakespeare (Rafe Spall) who soon found himself basking in the glow of adoring fans once the plays were performed and their greatness revealed.

But Johnson and Shakespeare are almost only bit players as we see the Earl of Oxford’s story play out in two time periods as he develops a romantic relationship with Queen Elizabeth (Vanessa Redgrave and Joely Richardson) and attempts to sway the future of the monarchy by grappling with the cunning father and son duo of William and Robert Cecil (David Thewlis and Edward Hogg respectfully). There are many surprises along the way (one in particular will make you gag) but the proceedings are highly entertaining if historical drama with touches of theatre history thrown in is your kinda thing.

The biggest praise must go to the visual design of the film which is simply gorgeous. The sets, the costumes, the cinematography, and the visual effects that produce stunning vistas of old London are truly impressive and should merit the film at least a handful of Oscar nominations. The script is also extremely solid and buffed up by strong performances from Ifans, Redgrave, and Spall who all bring a fantastic depth to their characters to make for a very rich viewing experience.

The subject matter alone though makes it a film that will undoubtedly not be for everyone and if you’re one of the countless human beings who groans at the mere thought of sitting through one of Shakespeare’s plays,  you’re probably one of them. We can’t fault the movie for that and up until now you’ve probably noticed that there is very little that I find fault with in the movie but there is a bone that I have to pick and that deals with the concept of truth.

Being that this is a conspiracy theory movie I can’t help but to compare it to what I consider the ultimate conspiracy theory movie, Oliver Stone’s JFK. Many will remember the furor that Stone’s film caused on its initial release due to some of the extreme views that it took in regards to the killing of John F. Kennedy and there are certainly academic voices out there right now making similar catcalls at Anonymous but I see a very profound difference.

In JFK, Kevin Costner’s character is a man obsessed with finding the truth and he goes to extremes to prove that the United States government was somehow involved in the killing of Kennedy to the point where his sanity is questioned. Now, whether Oliver Stone himself believed these theories to be true is irrelevant because his leading character was seen doing an investigation and in turn also being investigated. Costner’s character makes a very compelling argument but ultimately viewers can decide for themselves whether to go along with it or not because they know, after all, that this was all just a theory.

The problem with Anonymous then is that it is presented as reality. The film opens with a professorial-type man presenting a show on modern day Broadway that tells the story presented in the film. We are given no sense that this man might be a crackpot or controversial. Instead, he is shown as an intensely intelligent man who looks right into the camera, right into our eyes, and tells us that the works of Shakespeare were actually written by the Earl of Oxford. Viewers with some knowledge of the topic will likely know that this is all hogwash but those going into it blind may come away with the knowledge that Shakespeare was actually a drunken fraud. And that kind of bothers me.

I’m under no allusions that swaths of people unfamiliar with Shakespeare’s work or history will be flocking to this movie, so I know that there are relatively few that will be led astray, but it all feels a little fishy and dishonest just the same.

This is just one of many different theories on how Shakespeare’s work might not be his own and as well-made as it may be I will stand by my opinion that its a bit sneaky of Emmerich and company to not hint at other possibilities or even wink at us that this itself is only a fantasy.  Those that understand that can have a ball with Anonymous but then they need to educate the rest and make sure credit remains where credit is due.

Grade: B+

 

Images courtesy of Reiner Bajo, Columbia Tri-Star Pictures.

Grey’s Anatomy Review: Good Teams Are Drunk Teams

Much like Derek Shepherd, I’m here pinch hitting. I’ve never reviewed Grey’s Anatomy for Poptimal before, but I have been a faithful viewer since Season 2. I know. I didn’t watch Season 1. Sue me.

The gang is supposed to play a softball game against a rival hospital, and it came as no surprise (at least to me) that none of them are very good (or terribly interested) in playing. Meredith (Ellen Pompeo) and Cristina (Sandra Oh) get drunk in the outfield, Teddy begs for the chance to pitch, and everyone generally complains about how they have better places to be.

Except Mark (Eric Dane) who is busy making out with an eye doctor from the opposing team. If you’ll recall, last week Callie (Sara Ramirez) put the kibosh on him and Arizona’s (Jessica Capshaw) excessive bonding time in the kitchen. She told him he needed to start having sex again, and apparently he took her advice, which makes everyone happy.

Or almost everyone, because Lexie (Chyler Leigh) doesn’t seem to be enjoying it much at all.

Owen (Kevin McKidd) is struggling with the new chief position, and sees the softball game as a chance to bring his staff together as a team under his leadership.  He takes his coaching skills back to the hospital as well, putting them to good use when Derek (Patrick Dempsey) turns down a patient. A mother brings in her daughter (who has a brain tumor) and requests a standard procedure. Derek believes he can try something new and remove the entire tumor, giving the girl a life she never expected to have, but at a much higher risk. When the mother doesn’t want to gamble with her daughter’s life, Derek advises them to return home and get the standard surgery from any number of competent neurosurgeons.

Hunt disagrees, telling Derek “we don’t send people home. That’s not who we are. It’s not who you are.”

It seems the Zola situation is affecting Derek more than he lets on, even though he and Meredith have managed to maneuver their marriage at least somewhat back on track (still with the understanding they don’t talk about work.)

For her part, Meredith is still secretly helping with Bailey’s trial, unable to let her mother’s research go until she has figured it out. She does, but Bailey (Chandra Wilson) continues to be a hateful you-know-what about Meredith being anywhere near her lab. To be honest, this whole storyline bothers me, because it’s out of character for Bailey to be so unforgiving. Yes, everyone knows Meredith screwed up. But everyone forgave Izzy for way worse back in the day.

Their feud explodes on the baseball field, Meredith being drunk enough to ask Bailey what her problem is to her face. Ex-Chief Webber (James Pickens, Jr.) puts a stop to it, insisting that whether or not they like each other right now, they need one another to get the trial back on track – which is the most important thing. Looks like Bailey and Meredith will be working together (getting Meredith out of those “ridiculous pink scrubs”) at least for the foreseeable future.

Callie is pretty much the only doctor at the hospital who continues to connect with her patients, and her story this week is endearing and heartfelt. A garbage man falls from his truck and is crushed by a car, leaving his hand demolished. Which would be a sad thing to begin with, but turns out the man’s passion is woodcarving – something he’ll no longer be able to do if he loses his fingers. Callie works her crazy ortho-magic and ends the episode with a beautiful message about the things that let us live and the things that are worth living for.

Poor Avery. I have to say, he’s been growing on me this season. I’m not sure I’m even on a Mark and Lexie bandwagon anymore, but it’s clear from this week’s episode that’s where Shonda is taking us. Lexie is having a jealousy issue with Mark and his new girlfriend, even though Derek assures her it will last no time at all. When she loses her cool during the game and beans the girl in the chest (Lexie, um, thought she was stealing), Avery calls her out. He (and everyone else) realizes there’s something between Lexie and Mark, and it looks like we’re going to explore just what that is in the weeks to come.

If you’ll notice, I’ve pretty much wrapped up this review and I’ve yet to mention Alex (Justin Chambers) once. He wasn’t around the hospital much, because he was busy trying to track down Zola’s adoption records and find out what was going on with her case. He bribes a public official (illegal) and tries to influence a federal judge (also illegal) to put the baby back in MerDer’s care because of her medical issues, if nothing else. It seemed as though his little quest failed, then at the end of the episode the judge agreed to set a hearing date for their case. Looks like we’ll be moving forward on that storyline soon as well.

Tidbits:

* Cristina finally pleased Teddy by letting April take the lead on a cardiac case. It looks as though she’ll be returning to her old form soon. On the downside, she and Owen are still not talking about her abortion, a fact that surely will blow up in their faces soon.

* Henry (Scott Foley) was around, getting the bad news that his eyelet device might cause diabetes since they’re having trouble with the trial. I hope he doesn’t die. I love Scott Foley.

* Next week George’s mom is returning to the hospital. Interested to see what old feelings she stirs up in everyone, as well as a potential Mark and Lexie reunion!

Season 8, Episode 7 “Put Me In, Coach” (original airdate October 27, 2011)

Grey’s Anatomy airs Thursday nights at 9/8c on ABC.

Images courtesy of ABC/RICHARD CARTWRIGHT.

Community Review: Horror Fiction in Seven Spooky Steps

From The Greendale Community College Course Catalog:

Horror Fiction in Seven Spooky Steps

Prerequisite: Contemporary Nerve Jangling 200

Description: Class will provide students the opportunity to write short Horror stories using structure and tropes of the genre in new and unique ways. Potentially, these stories will reveal much about the psyche of each student, causing many to think you are a serial killer and making you late to many Halloween parties. 3 Units.

___________________

Community has been known to kick major ass with all their holiday-themed episodes. Zombie Outbreaks, stop motion animation, and pop culture references aplenty blend into an infectious mix of holiday spirit, and this year’s Halloween episode is no exception. Gathering together in their oft-claimed study room, the group are “enjoying” a fairly “meh” pre-party that Britta has coordinated with an ulterior motive: A Psychology personality test that she foisted onto the group has returned results that one of them is deeply disturbed. This news doesn’t do much to affect a Fast and Furious-costumed Jeff (Joel McHale), comparing the “danger” to Doritos. “But instead of zest one member of our study group has homicidal tendencies,” Britta (Gillian Jacobs) whispers.

Britta’s detective work continues as she wrangles everyone together to tell a scary story in the hopes that it will help her gauge who is mental and who is not, based on how they receive the story. It’s the classic nubile-teen-meets-hook-for-a-hand story that Abed (Danny Pudi) is quick to shoot down, citing plot holes and inconsistencies. His story is rife with exposition and logic. Annie’s story follows, a ridiculously Harlequin vampire story with Jeff as the titular blood sucker. “Teach me to read!” he exclaims, after sucking down some tasty Britta plasma. Annie eventually turns into a werewolf and has her way with Vampire Jeff and her description ends up being the most disturbing of them all. “He had to watch her swallow his last eyeball. She kept it attached to the optic nerve so he could see down her throat to his own partially digested flesh in her stomach,” she describes, leaving everyone else rightly freaked.

Troy’s story is the funniest of the bunch, with he and Abed as crashed fighter pilots busting into a Pierce-inhabited log cabin. “I thought I heard something awesome out there,” Pierce plays along coyly, before drugging the both of them and attaching the two of them together at the hip. As each person gets their turn to tell a scary story, each tale gets more and more macabre in a freakish game of one-upmanship, leaving Britta with no choice but to reveal her ruse to everybody. The notion that someone within the group might be a homicidal killer freaks everyone out and they quickly turn on each other as building lights begin to flicker and thunder rips through the air. At the zero hour, as he always does, Jeff comes to the rescue with his own brand of skewed logic, where his story reveals the psycho to be Chang and not anyone within the group. This thought calms the group down enough for them to look at the Scantron forms and realize that Britta fed them through the machine wrong. She remedies the problem, but when scanned the corrected way, reveals that all the tests are positive for those pesky homicidal tendencies except for just one- and that one clear test is, of course, Abed; the most outwardly awkward and strange one of the group turns out to be the most sane after all.

This year’s Halloween episode for Community was another strong entry for the season, despite the general structure being a riff on the previous “Chaos Theory” episode in which multiple versions of the same story from different points of view are shown, Rashomon-style. Usually, a show is creatively lost when it recycles its old ideas, but Community always finds a way to make it fresh and hilarious time and time again, as the gang always finds a way to get themselves passing marks with every successful episode.

Season 3, Episode 5: “Horror Fiction in Seven Spooky Steps” (originally aired October 27, 2011)

Hit the books with Community, Thursdays at 8/7c on NBC

Images courtesy of NBC

Project Runway Review: Tobago Love

On Thursday night, this season of Project Runway culminated in a rare look as fans and fashionistas alike got at the skill, the soul, and meltdown of the designer who will potentially be designing their closets.

Two days before the runway show Tim Gun arrived in the workroom and announced that he was gifting each of the designers with $500 to spend at Mood any way they wanted.  Kimberly planned to change the color of the “bubble-butt” skirt and not the shape even though the judges hated the bubble in the skirt.  Viktor planned to change the gown even though Tim said he liked it.  Anya had an identity crisis the day before (i.e. last week), so she said she planned to go into Mood and grab whatever grabbed her.  She said she saw 10 black and white prints in five minutes, so that was her premonition – to go with black and white.  Ironically, Viktor asked Joshua an important question when Josh asked Viktor for advice about making a green jacket.  He asked, “Are you making extra pieces or do you still need to work on your collection?” In short, the collection was not done, and Josh had a mini meltdown as the pressure of the competition got to him.

One day before the show Kimberly sat at the sewing machine and declared that she could not make “one more living, breathing change” while Anya sat at the machine with straight pins dangling out of her mouth knowing she had miles to go before she could sleep. Tim arrived in the workroom for consultations and talked to Kim specifically about the bubble skirt.  Although the day before, Kim said she planned to re-create the bubble skirt in black, but at that point, it had not been done, and given Kim’s previous statement to Anya in the sewing room, it probably wasn’t going to be done. During Anya’s consultation with Tim, she seemingly gave a good-bye speech, but if the proverb comes true for Anya, “[She] who humbles [herself] shall be exalted.”  With his Mood money, Joshua bought a green fabric and showed Tim a green short he’d made.  After looking at a few of his other pieces, Tim told Joshua that the imaginary woman who’d wear one of his other pieces didn’t fit with the women who were wearing the pieces he’d shown the judges a few days ago.  Tim was right.  Those heffas weren’t even neighbors! Actually the new piece was hidden in the back closet, i.e. in the shack down south, because from Tim’s visit to Joshua weeks ago, clearly Joshua did not show the initial vein of his collection.  Viktor edited a few pieces in order to show the judges that he wasn’t “emotionally attached” to the pieces, even though he was.  Why is it a bad thing for a designer to be emotionally attached to a piece?  If more of them were, maybe they wouldn’t send these women down the boulevard looking like streetwalkers.  Anya ran around the design room like a chicken with her head cut off still kneeling on the design floor cutting and sewing fabric while everyone else was folding and packing up.  Okay, Anya.  Work it out!

The morning of the show during Mercedes Benz Fashion Week the designers arrived at Lincoln Center to a pristine, white Project Runway runway in the midst of a black room.  (Last season this time, weren’t there just three designers at this point?)  An hour before the finale show Kimberly was brought to tears because she did not have her tools.  Thankfully an unflustered Anya was a dear and let Kimberly borrow whatever she needed.  With the past Project Runway designers in the audience amidst the judges, Nina Garcia, Michael Kors, and guest judge L’wren Scott, Heidi Klum started the show.  As the first designer, Kim did a couple things well: all of the models wore the same black shoe and the same soft, over-the-shoulder braid, and the collection exuded her theme of contemporary Brooklyn chic.  She kept the “bubble-butt” skirt, but in the company of the other pieces, it worked.  As he introduced his show, Joshua announced that his show was for his mother.  While he probably meant it was dedicated to his mother, it begged the question if it was inspired by his mother.  Taking nothing away from her, the collection just seemed to be designed for this off-the-wall, funky woman who lives and works in South of Nowhere, USA.  Viktor arrived on the runway in a Capri short and a vest made from his now-signature print for his collection.   Last but not least, Anya announced her collection, “Tobago Love,” which was inspired by her life in the Caribbean.  At the top of her show, the first few pieces flowed like waves down the runway.  The first piece even looked like water.  A few of her pieces had the same low-dipping silhouette in the back, but at this point, that’s Anya signature silhouette.

Back in judging, Michael said Kimberly listened to everything they had to say but still held onto Kimberly.  Heidi liked the peek-a-boo pieces, and although she held onto the bubble skirt, pairing it with the bubble blouse kept Kimberly in good stead with the judges although Heidi said maybe it could have been paired with a tighter top.  As for Joshua, Heidi liked his psychedelic print and the green shorts.  Nina actually called Joshua “most improved.”  She also liked that he experimented with new materials, i.e. plastic (although, again, can a plastic top be washed in a Whirlpool?). Michael said Viktor lost him with the overdone transparency although the tailored pieces were “stellar.”  Heidi said the see-thru girls looked “cheap.”  For the final judging, “cheap” is not the word any of the designers would have wanted to hear.  Heidi said Anya didn’t have to work as hard as the other designers because 8 of the 10 designs had the same neckline.  Michael also liked Anya’s opening look although Anya’s designs were limited to the woman who was floating around the Caribbean.  Although most women would love to be in Tobago, we’re not there, and Anya’s garments were more her and did not translate to state-side women.

During deliberations, the judges concluded that although Kimberly’s clothes were great “she’s not there yet.” Unfortunately, Viktor had four missed steps, according to the judges, and he had two shows in one – the tailored, patterned look and the edgy, see-thru print.  Anya impressed the judges by pulling together pieces at the last minute and not having had anything done when Tim Gunn visited her but turning it out on the show.  Heidi asked an important question: how do you think her next line will look?  Answer: The same as this line.  While Anya had some of the most memorable pieces in this season, if left to her own devices, an Anya Collection will be designed for a tiny-busted woman who doesn’t have to wear a bra and barely has to wear a panty who lives in a warm climate and whose heaviest outer garment is a windbreaker.  Michael said Joshua had “a focused show with gorgeous tailoring.”  This, about a guy who was the epitome of “Over the Top Dot Com” (Tamar Braxton).  Obviously Joshua was the most improved, but elephant in the room, when all these designers are off the show and left to design their heart’s desire, who’s going to be the biggest disappointment by not producing what he or she displayed on the runway, or who’s no longer going to edit once they’re not being literally judged by Heidi, Michael, Tim, and Nina and be the biggest embarrassment and not be a good steward of the title win?

The final announcement.  Kimberly was the first to be told that she was out , and she left to the tears and embrace of her family and friends.  Viktor was the next to be out, which left the final two between Anya and Joshua.  In a first shall be last and last shall be first moment, Anya who was the last one to be told she’d be able to participate in fashion week who had the least amount of designs to show Tim Gunn during his visit to the Caribbean who has the least amount of sewing skills, and who was the last person to finish her collection was the last designer standing and received the first place prize.

Season 9, Episode 14: “Finale: Part 2″ (originally aired October 27, 2011)

For more Project Runway coverage, click here.

Images courtesy of Lifetime

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