The Three Musketeers Review: All For One and One Should Skip This Movie

The Three Musketeers is one of those films that looked promising to me. It has three actors (Christoph Waltz, Matthew MacFadyen, and Orlando Bloom) that I liked, it’s a steampunk inspired period piece (a genre of books which I enjoy reading these days), and there is a lot of sword fighting and explosions. Despite these things going for it, director Paul WS Anderson has managed to make his version of The Three Musketeers awful. Awful in a way that it’s still not bad enough to make it great, but still terrible that leaves you completely unsatisfied in your movie going experience even when you laughed at quite a few truly ludicrous moments.

Athos (MacFadyen), Porthos (Ray Stevenson) and Aramis (Luke Evans) are the Three Musketeers, a part of the French king’s personal guards and essentially his secret service that is sent everywhere on missions for the glory of France. When foppish Louis XIII (Freddie Fox) descends the throne, the musketeers are disbanded due to the machinations of the powerful Cardinal Richelieu (Waltz), who serves as the young king’s advisor and is essentially the man in control of France. Along with Richelieu is Milady de Winter (Milla Jovovich), one time paramour of Athos who betrays them after a mission in Venice to retrieve Leonardo Da Vinci’s war airship blueprints. Milady ends up drugging the musketeers and hands over the plans to the Duke of Buckingham (Bloom), who wants the airship for himself. Richelieu proves to be the mastermind though as he plots to seize complete power for himself. Along the way is D’Artagnan (Logan Lerman), a young man who goes to Paris in order to join the musketeers, as his father had been a long time ago. He gets into all sorts of trouble but proves his skill with the sword and is treated as musketeer himself, joining Athos, Porthos, and Aramis.

The better aspects of this film were the sets (having filmed in France, Austria, Germany and Switzerland), the costumes (over the top but I loved it), and the fencing (when it wasn’t being accompanied by Matrix-esque slow motion effects). Perhaps I have a weakness for sprawling palaces and the gilded opulence of a time long passed but those were a visual treat along with the costumes that featured so much brocade and leather. Let’s not bother with the historical accuracy of these costumes because the over the top decadence (in the case of King Louis and the Duke of Buckingham) really supported the ridiculousness of the characters, the one thing that I had to enjoy.

In one scene, Buckingham comments that the young French king is being “retro” for wearing green as English wore that color maybe a year ago. Mmmm weren’t the French always the one fashion forward ones even in the seventeenth century? In any case perhaps this is the director’s little jib at his neighbors on the continent (Anderson is English).

The Three Musketeers fails with its overall bad performances, though in the case of Waltz and Bloom, it at least seemed that they weren’t taking themselves seriously. Waltz spoke in his Austrian accented English (he is actually fluent in French) while Bloom sounded like he was giving his version of a really bad British accent (which is hilarious because he IS British). The mostly British cast with French roles were perhaps were instructed not to have the corresponding accents, but even with that aside they all gave poor performances. American actor Logan Lerman in particular made me cringe because he is tied to the Percy Jackson franchise (the book series that I love) and I was really rooting for him. Lerman as the hot headed yet noble hearted D’Artagnan is unconvincing and flat.

I can’t help but compare the actors performances in other films; Waltz in Inglorious Basterds, Bloom in Pirates of the Caribbean and Lord of the Rings, MacFadyen in Pride and Prejudice and even Jovovich in the Resident Evil series (she was much better in those). Undeniably the quality of direction makes the difference.

The action sequences should have saved this film, but for the most part it was presented in such a cheesy way that it was just another element that added to the all around ridiculousness. Maybe it was Jovovich trying too hard to be sexy while jumping off the top of the palace that did it because the effect was a little weird and plenty of wtf is going on thoughts running rampant in my brain.

Maybe it was also the disjointed storytelling that left me feeling rushed from one scene to another. Or it also could have been the really cheesy moments such as the King of France asking D’Artangan how to talk to the queen by pretending to make up a story about a “friend”. Maybe it was Constance, Queen Anne’s lady in waiting who struck me more of the sexy bar wench than lady-in-waiting.

Now I’ll have to re-watch the Kiefer Sutherland/Chris O’Donnell version of The Three Musketeers to see if a mostly American cast was a worse. It had Charlie Sheen as Aramis though so it’s already #winning.

Photos Courtesy of IMDB

The Amazing Race Review: The Elephant Car Wash

On this week’s episode of The Amazing Race the teams travel to Bangkok where, in spite of all the hype and promises of Bangkok’s fame, the teams run into no obvious selection of “lady boys.” And while this fills me with disappointment, I’d rather think that for a moment my novice eye couldn’t ferret out one. They might have been there and I just couldn’t tell. And that’s why I’m relying on our local lady boy experts Ernie and Cindy to show us the way.

As we all know, Ernie and Cindy had been in intense preparations for the Race months before the season started filming. So it’s little surprise when Cindy tells us that she and Ernie have already been to Bangkok before. Lest you think for a moment that their preparation includes bribing someone to slip them the Race itinerary, supposedly their previous trip to Bangkok had nothing to do with the Race. Cindy tells us that in spite of having been there before, this leg does not give her team any kind of advantage “unless they tell us to find some lady boys, we know where that’s at.” –I’ll pause for a moment and let you wonder why Cindy and Ernie are so sure they know where the lady boys are. Because after all, that’s not what they were doing in Bangkok last time, was it? Or do we have here another Hangover situation… I’m not judging.

But anyway, this is primetime television which means of course The Amazing Race is not sending them to seedy strip clubs with Adam’s apple checkers and focus microscopes. Instead the teams are traveling to Bangkok to feed the fish, but first they’ve got to get out of Phuket.

As a last hurray in Phuket the teams get to take on a local means of transportation by riding an elephant. Most of the teams don’t have a problem with this but Sandy confesses to us that she’s scared. She doesn’t like heights or elephants, or perhaps riding an undomesticated animal that could crush you with one foot at a moment’s whim. Whatever it is, she manages to push through it none the worse for wear.

Liz and Marie, as a result of their Speed Bump penalty, have to go one step further and wash the elephants before they can proceed to the next task. I have to admit this is sort of an awesome Speed Bump and looks downright fun. I mean, it’s not that easy to get close enough to be allowed to wash an elephant. Believe me, after two years in the circus and countless trips to the zoo, I’ve tried. So, I’m impressed. Liz and Marie have fun with this challenge and one of them says that this is the best day of her life. I don’t know which one of them it is who said that, but so far it seems to be a win.

After the elephants, the teams are tasked with disassembling a miniature shrine and delivering it to a temple. What the teams don’t know as they’re breaking the shrine down is that at the temple they will be tasked with putting it back together again. But it seems the forward thinking teams didn’t need to be told that because most of them anticipated this twist anyway. Most of the teams when breaking apart the shrine decide to take notes on how it’s put together. This tool helped the teams when it comes time to reassemble the shrines while their less prepared competitors stand around shaking their heads. Andy/Tommy, Laurence/Zac, and Ernie/Cindy all declined to take notes and had to travel back to take another look at the assembled shrines. This delay causes Laurence, unjustifiably (since he was the one to tell Zac not to take notes) and Cindy (with good reason as she suggested notes and Ernie declined) to lose their tempers sitting on the sidelines in frustration.

The teams then travel by bus to Bangkok in an exhausting 13 hour ride. At the bus station in Phuket, the teams are surprised to learn how much their cab fare is, and one after another without pause the teams express their concern over whether they will have enough money for this leg. While most teams just pay the money and shake their heads, Ernie/Cindy go on an all out attack on their driver when he tells them that they haven’t given him enough to cover their fare. They try to pay their driver in American money, but he doesn’t want it. He wants Thai money. Cindy’s first argument is that the guy was a horrible driver and how dare he ask them for more money. Ernie too takes up the call and starts arguing with the driver; a woman standing by comes to the driver’s defense and starts arguing with Cindy and Ernie to pay the man his money.

After a while the driver takes the money and leaves, while a disbelieving Ernie and Cyndi go to catch their bus. Their bus is, by the way, a first class bus to Bangkok and is apparently not against the rules as the ban against first class travel only applies to airlines. I mention this because Laurence/Zac also bought tickets on a first class bus and then hopped off when they thought that this was a rule violation. They had to walk back to the bus terminal and buy new tickets on a later bus putting them behind all teams but one. That’s a shame because the first class bus is apparently an express route to Bangkok getting Ernie/Cindy there well before all other teams who left before them.

With every other team in a financial crunch, it’s concerning how Liz/Marie are going to make it since they have been scraping the bottom of their resources for the past couple of legs now. And indeed, once they get to the bus station, Liz and Marie find out that they don’t have enough money to pay their driver. They buy their bus ticket to Bangkok and give the driver all of their remaining funds, but still that doesn’t cover the costs. While Liz/Marie are arguing with the driver their bus is pulling off and Liz/Marie beg the driver to accept the money and let them go. He accepts the money too late as the girls’ bus has already left, and with no money to buy another ticket the girls wonder what they’re going to do.

Just when the girls lose all hope, the ticket agent tells them that the driver has stopped the bus and is waiting for them down the road. Liz and Marie are ecstatic that they still have a chance, and become even more so when the driver that they shortchanged offers to drive them to the bus for free. This is a really sweet gesture on his part, assuming of course he didn’t do it just to get them out of his country. But either way it works in their favor as the girls are now on their way to Bangkok.

It doesn’t do them much good. When they get to the city, Liz/Marie have zero money and find out that the next pit stop is too far for them to walk to. The girls give it a try, refusing to take up begging for money because they don’t think it’s right to take from people who have so little. After a while, and at a local’s insistence that it would take too long to walk, the girls decide to ask a taxi driver for a free ride. And luckily for them the driver agrees.

There was a little diversion here as the teams had to feed these gigantic fish before going to the pit stop. I don’t know if this is going to become important later on, but right now it seems like it’s only something to do; a pointless bit of something to do. For their time in Bangkok, Bill/Cathi and Marcus/Amani have pretty much stuck together, they’ve both got good taxi drivers which will hopefully prevent them from getting lost and indeed their partnership does work. On the way to the pit stop, Amani/Marcus decide to break off from Bill/Cathi and asks their taxi driver to stop following the other car. Marcus tells us that he likes Bill/Cathi but won’t take them for granted because of their age. He doesn’t want it to come down to a foot race because “Ma and Pa can run.” The detour helps Marcus/Amani as they are the first to arrive at the pit stop winning a trip for two to Bali. Bill/Cathi are right on their heels and the pit stop becomes sort of a mini party as Bill/Cathi are just as excited as Amani/Marcus and the four of them start screaming and having a good old time.

Andy/Tommy and Laurence/Zac are the 5th and 6th teams to arrive and here Phil informs Laurence/Zac that they weren’t in violation of the rules to get on the first class bus and if they had not gotten off they would have been higher up in check-in. Jeremy/Sandy get lost on the way to the pit stop after taking a ride from some guy in a golf cart who apparently led them the wrong way. These two make it to the pit stop, sure they’re in last, when Phil tells them that in fact they are still in the race. Because of their money issues Liz/Marie’s journey took longer than it should have and they ended up last at the pit stop and were eliminated.

Here are the rankings:
1. Amani/Marcus
2. Bill/Cathi
3. Ernie/Cindy
4. Justin/Jennifer
5. Andy/Tommy
6. Laurence/Zac
7. Jeremy/Sandy

Next week on The Amazing Race, the teams travel to Africa where they take on picking tobacco… does anyone else have an issue with that?… No?

For another opinion on this episode, read “A Pachyderm Paradise” by Gabe Callahan.

Season 19, Episode 5: “Feel Like I’m In The Circus” (originally aired on October 23, 2011.)

The Amazing Race airs Sundays at 8/7c on CBS.

Images courtesy of CBS.

Covert Affairs Jetsetter Prizepack

No one’s a jetsetter quite like Annie Walker, but with this awesome prize pack, you’ll certainly be prepared next time you find yourself traveling from city to city! Covert Affairs returns to complete its second season on Tuesday, Nov. 1 and Poptimal.com and USA Network are treating fans to this awesome gift pack:

COVERT AFFAIRS JETSET PACK

• Custom Dopp Kit
• Passport Holder
• Luggage Tag
• World Travel Clock
• Season 1 DVD
• T-Shirt

Here’s How to Win (No Purchase Necessary)

1. Post your comments to at least one (1) of our front page articles.

2. Email your name, email address and the name of the post you commented on to contests@poptimal.com. Put “Covert Affairs Fall Contest ” in the subject line.

3. Wait. The winner* will be notified after November 3, 2011.

*Contest open to residents of the U.S. Prize pack valued at $215.

Covert Affairs returns Nov. 1st at 10 p.m. on USA Network.

For more details, “Like” Covert Affairs on Facebook here: http://www.facebook.com/CovertAffairs.

Dexter Review: God, It’s Me, Dexter

This week, fans got a little bit of what they’ve been asking for from Season 6 as the audience learns more about the back story and motivations of creepy newcomers Gellar (special guest star Edward James Olmos) and Travis (special guest star Colin Hanks).

Last night’s episode opened with Dexter and Harrison attending a baptism conducted by Brother Sam (guest star Mos Def), but our antihero gets called away to the crime scene from last week. While the alpha/omega marking on one of the horses easily connects this new murder to the fruit seller from earlier in the season, it’s new detective Mike Anderson that connects it to the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Masuka tells the team all the blood matches and the human parts are all from the same victim: a jogger who went missing a few days earlier. He also later discovers traces of rust in the wounds, pointing towards the use of an older weapon, maybe a sword.

Deb deals with the stresses of preparing for her first press conference, which LaGuerta is forced to assign to her by Matthews. Detective Anderson offers some advice that she might want to dress more conservatively in her new role, and less like a cowgirl. The press conference goes well until Deb’s familiar foul language starts coming out. Anderson notices LaGuerta enjoying the downturn, but Matthews thinks it paints a no-nonsense image of the new Miami Metro Homicide leader. Meanwhile, the team starts to interview known religious fanatics in hopes of finding out more about their new Doomsday killer.

Dexter discovers two numbers, one in each victim, and is the only member of Miami Metro to notice they’re five apart, the number of days between each crime. He also notices subtle differences in the murders and thinks there might be two killers rather than just one. Before he can do anything with this information, he fields two calls, one from Sam that his car is fixed (again), and another from Jaime that Harrison’s in the hospital for an emergency appendectomy.

Batista and Quinn interview suspects, but can’t seem to locate one final preacher who may be a person of interest. When they finally locate him, they get a lead about a professor named Gellar who was dismissed from his university position after stealing an ancient biblical sword.

Meanwhile, Geller is somewhat upset that Travis has taken an interest in a waitress. He asks her out, but Geller tells him to be ready for the consequences. Their date goes well and ends up back at Travis’, where the two have sex. The next day Travis finds her tied up and Geller tells her that since she’s been defiled, she’s now part of God’s plan.

At the hospital, Brother Sam comes and shares his story of being saved with Dexter. When Dexter goes to get a cup of coffee, he asks God to make sure Harrison’s okay, and promises Him anything in return. Harry later warns Dex to be ready to make good on his word. The doctor informs Dex that Harrison is going to be okay.

At the close, a new crime scene is found with the alpha/omega marker outside. In the building, Travis’ waitress is hanging from the ceiling, but still alive. Someone trips a wire and she falls, getting her head cut off, but revealing wings attached to each arm. After hearing a buzzing behind a closed door, a swarm of locusts burst out when it’s opened. Outside, Dexter notices Travis watching, and while he doesn’t fit the professor profile, Dex senses a fellow traveler.

So now we know a little bit more about what the Doomsday killers are after…but not really. Are they merely big fans of Revelations, or is there something more to what they’re after? I’m still eager to see what brought the two together and when the professor decided to get a little more hands-on with the bringing of the apocalypse.

Is anyone else enjoying all the shout-outs to Rudy from season one? I’m wondering if there’s more of a connection ahead for that character and Masuka’s intern Ryan. Finding out she’s selling the ice truck killer evidence online may have been the last straw in their relationship, but probably not the last we’ll see of her.

What’s Anderson up to, exactly? Is he really trying to look out for Deb, or is Miami Metro just a place he’s looking to move up through at a rapid pace? Either way, the rest of the team should take a hint and start brushing up on their bible study because I’m fairly certain the Doomsday killer(s) have more in store.

Season 6, Episode 4: “A Horse of a Different Color” (originally aired October 23, 2011)

Channel your dark passenger with Dexter, Sundays at 9 p.m. on Showtime

Images courtesy of Showtime

Johnny English Reborn Review: Do You Even Remember This?

I want to start this review by first expressing my heartfelt gratitude that the security of our country is not left in the clumsy hands of agents to the like of Johnny English. Unlike your traditional secret agents of the past, Johnny English isn’t especially smart, clever, or even charming as he proves going from one antic to another with his nonsensical and inept take on spying in the new film Johnny English Reborn. A follow-up to the 2003 film Johnny English, Johnny English Reborn is a forgettable addition to the anti-James Bond spy genre that provides some laughter at its protagonist’s expense but carries on for far too long. And even though this film won’t even rank among the Austin Powers and Naked Gun series, for fans of the original you probably won’t be disappointed.

Johnny English Reborn stars Rowan Atkinson as exiled MI-7 agent Johnny English. After a botched mission in Mozambique, the film opens up with English hidden deep in an Asian monastery where at the hands of some self-mutilating monks he learns how to control his mind over pain and to drag rocks by the tip of his…you know what. Useful skills that these are, the monks are preparing English for his return as an agent just when his government needs him most. And improbable that this is, his government does need him as one day English is called back home to England to help his government when a plot is discovered to assassinate the Chinese premier. Talks of a secret society, an MI-7 trader, and questions about English’s reliability fly about as English delves into government secrets and conspiracy. And when English eventually becomes a convenient fall guy with a target on his back, Johnny moves from saving his country to fighting to save himself.

I feel two ways about Johnny English Reborn and neither of them are particularly complimentary. My first thought is utter disbelief that anyone is trying to pawn Johnny English off as some kind of hero. He is incredibly simple to the point of being juvenile, witless and oblivious; without a hint of anything that tells us how in the world this man got to be an agent of the government. English bumbles from one screw up to another throughout the entirety of this film. And while on the one hand I understand that English is the sort of anti-Bond figure, on the other I would like to believe that it is possible to create a character who doesn’t rely on charm, sophistication, or gravity defying fighting skills who can actually be adept at his job otherwise. English is for all intents and purposes a buffoon; the resolution of this film does not take place because of him so much as in spite of him. And personally I’d like my unassuming heroes a little closer to, well, being a hero.

The second point I’d like to make about Johnny English Reborn is that if you’re looking for Johnny English, you already know all of this and don’t care. So if that doesn’t bother you I’ll go ahead and tell you that Johnny English Reborn was actually quite funny. Atkinson brings back his quirky crazy kind of comedy with slapstick gags and silly humor which will undoubtedly make you laugh if you were fans of the first film. Between mistaken identities, an assault on the Queen, and Atkinson’s straight face in the midst of chaos, there are many points here in which Reborn has it’s moments of mirth. But even that must be given as a caution as many times throughout the film, Reborn squeezes passably funny skits until they are tired and stale. Take for an example not one, but two chase scenes that in spite of all logic and reason last far longer than they have any right to. By the end the gag’s gone old and we’re just waiting for it to be over, which when I come to think about it is the exact same way I felt about this film.

As stated before, Rowan Atkinson reprises his role as Johnny English. This time he’s joined by Gillian Anderson as head of MI-7 “Pegasus.” Rosamund Pike plays Kate Summers, an MI-7 psychologist and improbable love interest for English. Daniel Kaluuya plays English’s sidekick Agent Tucker, while Dominic West takes the role of Simon Ambrose, the Bond-type superstar of MI-7. Johnny English also stars Tim McInnerney as Patch Quartermain, MI-7’s own Bionic man and Pik-Sen Lim plays an inventive assassin out to get Johnny.

It took a while for me to remember that I actually had seen the 2003 film Johnny English, the problem is that I didn’t find it at all memorable. Nothing’s changed with Johnny English Reborn, it’s just as forgettable. If you liked the first film, or even the trailer for Johnny English Reborn, you should probably go ahead check it out. Except for a couple of shots to the groin, there’s nothing too cringe-worthy here, but by the same token there’s nothing to recommend it as well.

Images courtesy of Giles Keyte/Universal Pictures.

Interview With Bruce Timm: Five Things to Expect From Green Lantern

Question: Which source is being used for stories from the show?

Timm: As we always do with all of our shows, we almost never focus directly on one specific iteration of the characters from comics, movies, or previous TV shows. We kinda cherry pick what we like, different aspects of different versions of the character, and try to mush them all together and make a consistently interesting version that hopefully leaves us some leeway. That way we can introduce other elements of our own into the series that haven’t appeared in any other versions of the characters and come up with what we hope is the ultimate version of the character.

What elements from the previous iterations did the writers want to incorporate within the animated series?

Timm: From the very beginning, the basic Hal storyline that he is the first Green Lantern from Earth. The guy who is very dedicated to his duty as a Green Lantern, but he is also the guy who will talk back at the guardians and question their decision making. We are also looking at the most recent version of the comics with the introduction of the Red Lanterns and all the other colored lanterns. We thought there was something really interesting we could do with those characters. Those were the two main thrusts we were concentrating on from the comics.

How will Hal’s personality be fleshed out in a way different than the movies?

Timm: It’s interesting, at the time when we were writing the first series we actually had not much contact with the movie people. We weren’t really influenced that much by the movie. It might seem that way, that the movie and us as well are all kind of pulling from the same source material and the comics. It’s all kind of consistent just because we are basing it on the same source material. It’s not that our show clashes with the continuity of the movie, but it’s also that it’s not in perfect sync with it either. We are not being restricted to anything because of what they are doing in the movie series.

The show concentrates on the Lantern Corps, but will there be an appearance by the Green Arrow?

Timm: Green Arrow, not necessarily. We do not have any plans to bring the Green Arrow into the series yet.  The thing about the series is we really embrace the entire sci-fi aspect of it. I would say 95% of the show takes place in outer space.  It very rarely takes place on Earth so it doesn’t really give us an opportunity to bring in Green Arrow or characters like Batman or Superman. There will be some other DC comics characters crossing over into the series, but probably not the ones you expect and not in the ways you expect.

Does the show concentrate mostly on Hal Jordan or will there be episodes featuring other members of the Corps?

Timm: Hal is in every single episode and he has most of the focus as the lead character, but there are some of the other supporting characters that will get their own spotlight episodes throughout. Both Kilowag and other guest star Green Lanterns that will show up and this new Red Lantern character that we have created for the series named Razor.  He becomes an important supporting character throughout the series as well. Even the new character we created just specifically for the series, Iya, who starts off as the spaceship and becomes a bit more of a humanoid robot artificial intelligence, she sort of grows and evolves as well.

The League: What You Need to Know

The League might just be one of the funniest shows you’ve never heard of. It premiered in 2009 and since then, has developed a loyal following of football fans as well as many who can’t stand the sport.

The League centers around a group of thirty-something men: Ruxin (played by Nick Kroll), Andre (played by Paul Scheer), Kevin (played by Steve Rannazzisi), Taco, (played by Jon Lajoie), and Pete (played by Mark Duplass) who are die hard football fans (well, everyone except for Taco) and take their fantasy football league incredibly seriously, often times, more seriously than the football itself. Along the way, we see hilarious side stories of various predicaments and situations the guys get into (one that immediately comes into mind is Taco dressing up in a cartoon costume that looks like it is straight out of Disney World/The Muppets -Mr. McGibllets – to try and scare the living daylights out of Kevin’s daughter).

You may be thinking, “I don’t know anything about fantasy football” OR “My husband plays fantasy football, talks about it all the time, and even had the audacity to change his lineup in the middle of date night last week so I want nothing to do with it.” But in The League, fantasy football serves a vehicle for comedy that is supported by a strong case – great comedic writing and just the right amount of improvisation.

I recently had the opportunity to talk to the show’s co-creaters, the husband and wife team of Jeff Schaffer (of Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm fame) and Jackie Marcus Schaffer. They provided some great insight on the show and their creative process. Here’s quick run-down on what you need to know about The League:

• For each episode of The League, the script is a 10-15 page outline that provides the cast with ample opportunities to throw in non-scripted banter and improvisation. This Larry David-style approach to scripting really gives The League an element of comedy that is often missing from many heavily scripted shows and almost always missing from any show that has a laugh track.
• Every year, the cast of The League heads out on the League Live Tour, which was the brainchild of Jackie Marcus Shaffer. The tour allows the cast to show off their stand-up routines and includes a bunch of bits that viewers will recognize from the show. For example, Jon Lajole often sings some version of Taco’s wildly inappropriate “birthday song” he originally penned for Kevin’s daughter.
• When writing for the show, Jeff Schaffer prefers to lock himself in a room, crank up the music and air drum to get the creative juices flowing. Jackie Marcus Shaffer, on the other hand, prefers a quiet writing space, free of any air drumming.
• In the third season of The League, we get to meet newcomers to the cast. Plan on meeting Ruxin’s crazy corporate lawyer boss (played by Ray Liotta), Andre’s sister (played by Sarah Silverman), and Chuck – the out-of-town member of the league (played by Will Forte from SNL fame).
• Last but definitely not least, one of the best parts of The League is all the great phrases they guys use to taunt and demean one another (trade raping, rosterbation and menstrual medium are just a few that come to mind…)

Please, I beg of you, get to a TV on Thursday nights at 10:30, flip to FX and prepare to laugh at the hilarity that is The League.

 

Images courtesy of FX.

Grey’s Anatomy Review: Cristina and Alex Play Chicken

Our residents thrive off competition, that’s one thing we know for sure of the doctors of Grey’s Anatomy.  Last season it was the race for Chief Resident that dominated their daily lives.  This season they are in their fifth and final year of residency, and it is the most difficult.  Each surgery will count on their record, and they will be defined by this final year.

It’s a bit disheartening to think of doctors trying to preserve their win-loss record like a college football coach.  Their patients are real people with families, not just numbers on a stat sheet.  Even the best surgeons lose patients; they’re not God.  That being said, the residents still want to keep the losses to a minimum.  To that end, they are trying to end up on rotations that will challenge and impress without being too risky.  Adversity doesn’t just build character, it reveals it.  Some of the residents did themselves no favors by playing it safe.

Cristina (Sandra Oh)  ends up with Callie in an orthopedic surgery involving a patient with permanently poor posture.  Say that three times fast.  The young man’s neck is permanently in a downward position, as if he’s looking at his feet.  Cristina thought she’d have a routine fracture procedure or hip replacement, but Callie assumed that Renegade Cristina would welcome a challenge and thus presented her with a very complicated case.  The neck surgery will actually entail three separate procedures and is far from routine.  Cristina clams up when she sees that it won’t be the cakewalk she imagined, and when things get dicey during the procedure – she chickens out by asking that her name be taken off the procedure.  When the patient is out of the woods it’s too late for her to attach herself again.  No guts, no glory.  If you’re too afraid to get the losses then you don’t deserve the victories either.  Callie cautions her that she may be losing that part of her that made her a good surgeon in the first place by playing it safe.

Meredith (Ellen Pompeo) has recently been working in Obstetrics, which is considered a monumental downgrade.  Her peers chide her for sporting scrubs from the “vagina squad,” but she ignores their good-natured ribbing.  Meanwhile, Little Grey has taken her place with Derek in Neuro.  She’s not finding him too friendly of a boss, but that changes when she brings him a patient with a challenging brain tumor – a woman for whom Meredith just delivered a baby girl.  The woman and her husband must decide if they should proceed with the risky procedure or be content with what little time they have left.

While some are taking risks, some are playing it safe.  Alex (Justin Chambers) has always been pretty ballsy, but the fifth year jitters are getting to him too.  A patient presents for open heart surgery, and is concerned about the scar that will be left after the procedure.  He asks about another procedure that will be just as effective, but will not leave a scar.  It’s called a “tavi,” and it’s a lot riskier than the standard procedure.  Alex wants to minimize his losses and doesn’t want to perform the tavi.  Teddy is supervising him, and ultimately it is she that performs the procedure because Alex seems unwilling.  Just like Cristina, Alex punks out.  It was good to see more depth of character in this episode.  Alex and Cristina are known as two of the more gutsy residents, but they chickened out when the chips were down.  Will they over-compensate next week by taking unnecessary risks?

This was another great episode.  One thing to watch out for in the coming weeks is Kepner settling into her role as Chief Resident, and whether or not Meredith is able to mend fences with Bailey, who has not forgiven her for costing Richard his job.  Stay tuned!

Season 8, Episode 6: “Poker Face” (original air date October 20, 2011).

Grey’s Anatomy airs Thursdays at 9/8c on ABC.

Images courtesy of ABC and Ron Tom.

Jersey Shore Review: Ciao Italia

It is with great sadness that I bid adieu to another season of Jersey Shore.  There was no shortage of fireworks, but not from the usual sources.  When the season started, Sam and Ron were the primary culprits responsible for most of the drama in the house.  But they had help from a familiar troublemaker, The Situation.

As the season drew to a close, Mike was exposed as immature and attention-seeking.  Not above stirring the pot, he had physical altercations with Ron, Snooki, and Deena.  He picked fights at local nightspots and generally made an ass of himself whenever possible.  His friendship with Snooki suffered the most, as he was a divisive force in her relationship with Jionni.  We never found out for sure if he and Snooki hooked up as he alleged, but I think the truth probably lies somewhere in the middle.  If she thought she could hook up with someone like Mike and that he’d keep it a secret – Snooki is even less intelligent than I thought.

Not every moment in the house was a contentious one.  Pauly and Vinny’s bromance continued to blossom, and the guys are closer than ever.  They are just drama-free.  They don’t compete with each other for girls and they don’t try to “one up” each other.  They also don’t steal each other’s slang.  It’s the perfect friendship!  The Meatballs bond remains strong, and I don’t doubt the strength of Snooki and Deena’s relationship, but most of their bonding activities consist of getting wasted and making out.  I don’t think you can make a Hallmark card out of that.  Jenni, on the other hand – at least challenged Snooki this season and called her out when she was wrong.  That’s what real friends do.

In the season finale, the housemates finally decided to edify themselves by doing more than just partying.  They took a historical tour of Florence and also bid farewell to their bosses at the pizza parlor, where they did more goofing off than working.  They enjoyed Italy, but they missed the familiarity and routine of life at the shore.  The clubs are familiar back home, and they can GTL with regularity.  So, it was a nice change of pace to travel abroad – but they’re ready to go home.  Only question is, will Sitch be with them?  Or will he be like Angelina and think better of it?

After some advice from Ronnie, Mike apologized to the girls for having upset them but they were skeptical of his mea culpa, and rightfully so.  It takes a big man to admit when he’s wrong, but it takes an even bigger scumbag to use an apology as a tool of manipulation.  Fortunately, no one’s fooled.  Different script, same ending.  Farewell Guidos and Guidettes, until next time.

For another take on this episode check out “I Just Want My Hour Back” by Stephanie Jaar.

Season 4, Episode 12: “Ciao Italia” (original air date October 20, 2011).

Jersey Shore airs Thursday nights at 8/7c on MTV.

Images courtesy of MTV.

Paranormal Activity 3 Review: Ghost in the VHS

If the Paranormal Activity film franchise has a motto it’s probably, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”  Like a football team that uses the same option play each and every down, Paranormal Activity 3 is full of the same found footage scares that we have seen in the previous two movies. The reason to stick to the same formula is simple. Because it works.

Oren Peli and Jason Blum return to produce while Catfish directors Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman take a stab at helming another handheld feature.  Paranormal Activity 3 is a prequel, set 18 years prior to the events of the first two films. It’s 1988 and 8-year-old Katie (Chloe Csengery) and 5-year-old Kristi (Jessica Tyler Brown), along with their mother (Lauren Bittner) and her boyfriend Dennis (Chris Smith) experience some strange unexplainable phenomenon in their suburban Santa Rosa CA home. Dennis is a wedding videographer who after witnessing some ghostly activity  goes about setting up two camcorders, one in each bedroom (sound familiar?). He records 24 hours a day to try and capture on tape what is exactly haunting/happening in the house.  It doesn’t take long for things to get downright creepy, as strange sounds evolve into something much, much worse.

I don’t want to spoil too much of the movie with plot details, as the filmmakers have tried their hardest to capture the same sense of fear of the unknown that the first film had. The less you know about Paranormal Activity 3 the more you will enjoy it. I will give you one word of warning: do not expect to see anything from the trailers actually in the movie. It’s almost as if the trailer is promoting an entirely different film.  My best guess is this is purposefully done by the filmmakers, probably for stylistic reasons (so the audience is unprepared for what they are about to see), and monetary reasons (DVD sales featuring the different edits).

Like the previous films there’s a lot of watching people sleep while things go bump in the night.  Most of the footage seen is heavily based on Dennis’ obsessive recording of everything the family does (like Micah was). Kristi has an imaginary friend named Toby who she talks to occasionally. She describes him as big and old. No one thinks much of it at first, but the strange goings-on seem to be somehow connected to Toby. The inclusion of Toby gives the hauntings a more physical presence the films have never had before. It would have been fine if the movie stopped there with the explanations. But like its predecessors it clumsily tries to add more to the backstory of why this family is haunted.

Some might like the additions to the franchise’s mythology but I find it unnecessary and uninteresting.  The one problem PA3 has with trying to explain things is that it doesn’t quite line up with what we have been told previously in the other films. So were Katie and Kristi lying in PA 1&2? Is their memory fuzzy? Who knows, it’s all just a distraction from the thrills.

A nice touch in the film is the several visual cues given that directly connect it with 1&2.  This ranges from recognizing paintings and furniture in the house, to spooky things happening in the kitchen, to the couple going out on a date-which happens in every Paranormal Activity movie. If you have seen all of the films then you know that when the couple goes out on a date some spooky stuff is about to go down. These kind of things connect the films together better than any sort of backstory can.

The clichéd found footage gimmick (where do they keep finding this footage?) isn’t as fresh and new as it used to be, but PA3 does improve upon it. This prequel is funnier than the other two films, with laughter mixing in with screams during some of the big scares. They even use a Teddy Ruxpin to it’s full creepiness (I’ll just leave it at that). A big injection of humor and the fact that it takes place in the 80’s gives it a nice Poltergeist feel to it. The casting is also a big improvement as they decided to go with some known actors this time around. I liked how they originally wanted to cast unknowns and I didn’t mind the sometimes sub-par performances in 1&2. But the casting of Lauren Bittner and Chris Smith in PA3 does kick the movie’s quality up a notch.

When the activity in the house starts to become more frequent and threatening Dennis decides to put in another camera downstairs. Because this is 1988 he can’t just put in surveillance cameras like they do in 2, so he rigs an oscillating fan with a camera on top of it. This “fan cam” is the most inventive thing about the film and it sets up some of the more creative scary moments, specifically a great scene involving a babysitter, as it slowly moves the camera from left (the front door and dining room) to right (the kitchen) and back again.

Paranormal Activity 3 is a scary haunted house of thrills and chills, and it’s one of the better scary movies this year. It’s not as good as the original, it’s always hard to best the original, but it is overall superior to 2. But it is missing something.

In the first film some of the scariest scenes had nothing really happen in them.  It made close-ups on ceiling vents, and refrigerators making ice, seem unnerving.   In PA3, something spooky happens in almost every scene. Sometimes it’s subtle and sometimes it’s right up in the camera’s lens, but it seems there is always something paranormal happening. It does make the film thrilling and this franchise has proven it’s really good at ramping up tension for the big scare. But, like in the original, when nothing is happening on screen and you’re scared anyway, the act of being scared at literally nothing, is unique.

It’s just that, while watching Paranormal Activity 3 I missed being afraid of the nothingness.

Images courtesy of Paramount Pictures

« Previous Page — Next Page »