America’s Next Top Model Review: My Big, Fat, Greek Photo Shoot

The models were smashing plates in celebration last night, and not just because Alexandria was sent home leaving a remaining six ladies to compete, but because the much anticipated destination of Tyra’s choice where the models’ final showdown would ultimately take place was finally announced: Greece! Confetti fell from the ceiling of the model house as Andre broke the exciting news to the girls and the dinnerware destruction commenced.

There was zero time for jet lag when the girls arrived in Greece as Miss J. and host of Greece’s Top Model, Vicky Kaya, were waiting with the first challenge of the day. The ability to carry yourself properly in the public eye and promote your brand while not coming off as a hot, awkward mess of a disaster is key to being a Top Model all-star. So, the girls were whisked off on a plane once more to the Island of Crete for a quickie press conference with local dignitaries and other important public figures. The plane ride over provided the only free time they had to arrange a one minute speech about themselves and what being a model means to them while peppering in a few Greek phrases in hopes of winning over the natives. Lisa managed to be her predictable, bubbly and inappropriate self, right down to her revealing midriff and mini-skirt, letting out her fierce inner Athena, which is actually quite appropriate when you think about it. Dominique was blatantly nervous during her speech, as was Shannon who began to rattle off a laundry list of personal traits. Poor Laura could barely get past her thick southern accent but Angelea had no problem pronouncing a few Greek phrases, including the tourist favorite “Where’s the bathroom?” Crete must be the windiest place on Earth because a word could barely be heard amidst the wind tunnel they were obviously placed in. Words and hair flew around uncontrollably and neither was quite elegant. Dollface Allison seemed to be the only one who spoke with proper grace and utilized her Greek dictionary to the max. Any nervousness that may have existed did not show and she was soon after declared the challenge winner. Her grand prize was a custom gold cuff bracelet from one of Greece’s most famous jewelers, Lina Fanourakis. A prize fit for any goddess!

The good times were just beginning when the next day designer Michael Cinco stopped by to collaborate with each model on a gown that they’d like to wear to the finale runway show, God willing they make it to the final two, that is. The theme for the show will be “Immortal Goddess” so each girl tried to put their personal touches on what a goddess would wear. Unfortunately, it turned into a three minute montage of tacky ideas and an utterly confused dress designer.

The big photo shoot for the week was the best and only for one reason: Shannon. The shoot called for a gigantic bowl of Greek salad in which each girl would be swimming around in while modeling…underwear! Now, if you remember anything about Shannon, it’s that her only stipulation in the modeling industry is that if underwear is involved, she ain’t doing it. She has no problem wearing a teeny, tiny bikini but give her a pair of Hanes and she loses her mind. Standing up for what you believe in is totally fine! Had the issue been that she was uncomfortable exposing too much skin (clearly she’s not), I would have gotten behind her on it. It’s when you confuse the people around you with an underwear/bikini tirade, which you yourself can’t even begin to explain the method to your madness without stuttering, that you start to look crazy. Had they called the underwear a bathing suit (which it actually looked more like) she would have been all in, thus proving that she lives by ridiculous labels and also proving once again that I can’t stand her face. Needless to say, Shannon did not participate in the shoot.

At panel, Tyra was joined by Nigel and Andre, plus special guest judge Nikos Papadopolous, who was the photographer at the skivvy shoot. Dominique plain dominated the day’s shoot and by far was the best photo. It didn’t matter whether she was selling lingerie or a salad, the picture was saying “buy me!” Although Allison was having trouble keeping her big, blue crystal globe eyes open in the brighter than bright Greek sun that day, she managed to turn out a runner up photo. Since Shannon had no photo for the judges to critique, they decided to go full force and judge her entire portfolio thus far. Your instincts would tell you right away that Shannon would be the obvious one to let go but I wasn’t convinced that Tyra would let it go down that easily. It was down to Laura and Shannon in the end and much to my actual surprise they decided to let Shannon go. It seems so simple, right? No photo- you go home. The judges did have a valid reason for cutting her from the lineup, besides the underwear confusion. Not only has Shannon never received best photo this season but she hasn’t won a challenge either. Her trustworthy brand hasn’t been able to teach her to trust the professionals but at least she’s sticking by her morals and that’s her biggest accomplishment in her Top Model history.

Season 17, Episode 7: Nikos Papadopoulous (originally aired November 9, 2011)

Images courtesy of Walter Sassard/The CW.