Glee Review: Feels Like The First Time

Where was all the controversy the blogosphere hyped over this week’s episode of Glee? I am the type that likes to remain fairly spoiler-free for shows I watch religiously, so I didn’t know what to expect, but a sweet and warm sex-centric episode wasn’t what I had in mind. Luckily, it was exactly what Glee needed, as Rachel and Finn and Blaine and Kurt wondered, hoped and fretted over their first times respectively.

Past Glee episodes have been overtly sexual, what with the experience of characters like Brittany, Santana and Puck. These are the teen television representatives that make the Parents Television Council quake in their boots, but for all their naysaying and slamming, I found the episode to depict both couples not only having serious discussions about sex and when is appropriate, but also not forgetting the importance of stressing safe sex and showing both deflowering scenes as tender and loving. Pull out the pickets now, but I wish more first times actually occurred in this way, on and off screen, especially for teens. No pressure, just love, understanding and respect.

All this was backed by McKinley’s musical West Side Story which centered around two of our virgins of yesterday, Blaine and Rachel. While I wished we could have seen more of the performances, many of the show’s songs have been performed already, so I appreciated the “first time” stories being plopped into this storyline. They also worked nicely as a soundtrack to the plot instead of big numbers or dream sequences. The burgeoning love between the lead characters Tony and Maria provided a perfect backdrop, and Artie also got some time to shine as the director of the musical. Though I found his storyline to be a little too saccharine for my tastes, even if he did act as the catalyst to set most of the story in motion.

After a rehearsal of the number “Tonight,” Artie warned his two stars that, to really be able to convey the emotions of their characters, they needed to experience true yearning and passion, which equaled sex. Now, I really don’t agree with this principle. It’s called acting for a reason, and unless you’re method, you don’t have to do or have done everything every character you’ll ever play has done. Artie came off kind of mean and slightly diabolical by placing this nugget of insecurity into his leads, but I guess someone had to do it. Otherwise, the sex and the high school musical storyline would never really overlap. The newly confident director also decided to take a stab at matchmaking, as Coach Beiste’s crush, a college recruiter named Cooter Menkins, came to town to take a look at the football players and just generally make googley eyes at Beiste to her complete naivety. The also virginized adult needed some extra help, and Artie was kindly there to give Cooter and Beiste a push in the right direction.

BEISTE
Sue may be losing storyline time, but I’m okay with low doses since Dot Jones never lets me down as the tough and kindhearted football coach. No matter what Cooter did, compliment her tube socks or ask her out to eat since he’s had an Applebees coupon, Beiste just didn’t get the hint that he was hitting on her. She deserves love too, and she certainly shouldn’t let it pass her by. Artie’s virgin conversation with her might have been a little awkward TMI, but he had his heart in the right place and made the magic happen.

RACHEL
What I loved about this plot wasn’t just seeing Finn for longer than five seconds. Seriously?! Where has this kid been all season. It was that this relationship felt like season one Finchel, which was so fun. As Rachel pointed out, it’s been four months since they’ve really bickered. Those were the good days. And like the good ole days, all Rachel could think about was herself.

Feeling completely insecure after Artie’s critique, she got coy and joined Finn for a very special night at his very empty house. He cooked her dinner, bought dessert, lit a fire and laid some pillows on the floor. Even though he didn’t understand what had changed her mind about waiting until she nabbed that Tony, he cared. He even offered to wait since he’d been saving up to do something really special like renting a hotel room and could afford it in a few weeks. I mean, aw! Rachel, on the other hand, just wanted to “get this done before opening night.” Finn’s reaction was so confused and taken aback. His intentions were pure, and he didn’t just want to have sex with her, he wanted to share the moment with her. He put the kibosh on the night very quickly after that.

Later on when Rachel returned with apologies ready to spill out of her mouth, Finn confessed that the recruiter didn’t like him, and high school was as far as his football dreams would go. With her man near tears, Rachel gave him some pretty sage advice. He’d outgrown his current dreams, but he could find new ones. Also, she wanted to give him something no one else would ever have. I don’t need to be more overt, do I? This conclusion felt a little rushed, especially since Finn had to tell her that she didn’t have to do this as if she was doing it out of pity, but after Rachel’s conversation with her girls and the look on her face after Tina’s confession that she had her first time with Mike last summer and it was magical, I choose to believe that her ego finally took a backseat and the reason clicked. She really loved him and was ready.

BLAINE
My new favorite McKinley couple had an even bumpier ride into bed, if that’s even possible! Blaine may look like he’s always confident, but most of the time he’s just a scared boy trying to grow up in a tough, bow tie-sporting kind of world. After returning to his alma mater because he missed the Warblers, I suppose since no other reason besides the desire to roam their majestic, hallowed halls was given, he had someone new on his mind, and his name was Sebastian (Grant Gustin). Sebastian is a new Warbler, worldly and awfully cute. He lived in Paris, puts Courvoisier in his coffee and hangs out in seedy gay bars. It’s not that Blaine looked at him like he looks at Kurt, but this opposite clearly unnerved the usually collected guy.

But when Kurt saw how Sebastian looked at Blaine, like he could devour him at any moment, he knew it was time to stick close, even if doing so meant being the designated driver and watching his drunk boyfriend dance with some other boy all night. If Karofsky hadn’t shown up at the bar, Kurt might have imploded. I know I would! Oddly enough, Karofsky has changed schools, and though he’s not open there, he does feel comfortable at Scandals where folks love his inner “bear cub,” and he can just be himself. Kurt is all for Karofsky coming into himself at his own speed, as long as it’s not at the expense of others with his bullying. I appreciated getting a little bit of closure though they really built up his storyline last season. I can’t imagine this is the last we’ll see of him.

As Kurt and Blaine left the bar, Blaine tried to get Kurt to give it up in the backseat of his car. The horror! The cliché! Kurt wants a meadow, not some sticky, leather seat. He also wants his boyfriend to remember it the next day which is really not too much to ask. Blaine in his stupid, drunken stupor runs away from Kurt’s common sense, but he got it eventually. And when he does, the two rush home, slip into bed and just rub noses for the longest time, among other things.

In the end, everyone walked away from their first times, like Tina, seemingly without regret. Glee has never shied away from sex, so I appreciated the chance to see their softer side without the sweetness being too cloying. It wasn’t about passion or desire or raunchiness. It was about love, cheesy but also nicely optimistic.

Folks, how’d you feel about this week’s episode? Wasn’t it classy and not trashy? Did you enjoy the Warblers 2.0? Compare away! And, were you a little let down by the lack of shock value?

THE SONGS
“Tonight” from West Side Story. Sung by Rachel and Blaine. B+
“A Boy Like That” from West Side Story. Sung by Santana and Rachel. A-
“Uptown Girl” originally by Billy Joel. Sung by Dalton Academy Warblers. A-
“America” from West Side Story. Sung by the West Side Story cast. A
“One Hand, One Heart” from West Side Story. Sung by Rachel and Blaine. A

THE MEMORABLE MOMENTS

Beiste cries every time Rachel and Blaine sing.

“I remember my first time with Brittany — the excitement, the way it made me feel like a man… even though she called me the wrong name like four times, during and after.” – Artie

“Roxy Music makes me want to build a time machine just so I can go back to the ’70s and give Brian Ferry a high five.” – Blaine

“And besides, tearing off all of your clothes is sort of a tall order.” – Blaine. You know, because of the all the layers.

Three Warblers sang lead this week! If I’m doing the math right, I guess three of them is equal to one Blaine.

“It’s not in the handicap stall, is it?” – Cooter to Artie

“I don’t know who this Blaine guy is, but apparently he’s sex on a stick and sings like a dream.” – Sebastian

“I’m happy for you, dude. And her. I always thought it would be me but secretly hoped it would be you. As for the condoms — no idea, never used ‘em. It’s worked out for me about 99% of the time.” – Puck

“Have relations on a dewy meadow of lilac with Taylor Lautner before he gets fat.” – Kurt on his bucket list.

Mike’s confrontation with his dad felt piecemeal. Did he just disown his son at his locker?! But it was needed before the musical came and went, and Harry Shum Jr., once again, turned in some great work.

Cooter’s sweet and nervous proposal to Beiste for a date…and he brought flowers!

“Speaking from experience, Finn is terrible in bed…. If Rachel wants to have my sloppy seconds, she should know what she’s getting into. It was like being smothered by a sweaty out-of-breath sack of potatoes that someone soaked in body spray.” – Santana

“And when that moment came, we just knew. It was right. It wasn’t rushed. It was amazing. He’s my first love, and I’ll always look back at that moment as absolutely perfect. No regrets.” – Tina

Drag Queen Wednesday at the not-so-scandalous Scandals.

The celebratory cast circle for Artie.

Oh the fake accents! Especially, Rory’s inability to produce a Latin accent.

“Sure beats the last time you got drunk and made out with Rachel.” – Kurt

“I wanted to be your gay-bar superstar.” – Kurt

“A People’s Choice award would have gotten you to third base.” – Rachel

For another take on this week’s episode, check out Glee Side Story by Alana D.

Season 3, Episode 5: The First Time (originally aired November 8, 2011)

Glee airs Tuesdays at 8 ET/PT on Fox.

Images courtesy of Adam Rose, Mike Yarish, and Fox.