Fringe Review: It’s All Very Convenient

For the second week in a row, some of television’s best writers failed to give me a reason to care about the case presented on Fringe. Last week my issue stemmed from a lack of information and explanation. This week I felt as though every step, every clue fell into our investigators’ laps with a laughable amount of convenience.

The case begins with a nice moving shot of a man hurrying home, talking to his wife on his cell, when he tells her he feels as though he’s being followed. Even as he assures her he’ll be fine, not to call the police, an invisible foot splashes in a puddle the victim avoided moments earlier. As he fits the key into his apartment building door, the same invisible man shoves him from behind and he disappears inside. When the police arrive less than two minutes later, they find the man dead. While the victim was previously of a normal pigmentation, he’s now an albino. Pale skin, white hair, red eyes. One of the police officers feels something and unloads an entire clip into the front doors, which shatter glass.

When the team arrives, Walter (John Noble) suggests perhaps the man was frightened to death, but the ghost theory is quickly tossed away after the cop explains what happened and Lincoln (Seth Gabel) finds shards of glass with blood on them. Astrid (Jasika Nicole) runs the DNA through a database and comes up with the name of an infant who supposedly died after living only four days.

Here’s where I’m thinking, how are they going to pull this one off, because how does one go about searching for an invisible person?

By having a bunch of conveniently local people unearth a bunch of conveniently forgotten memories. As in, oh yeah! I remember seeing an invisible baby/child/man once a long time ago. I’ve always wondered what happened to him…

I’m being slightly facetious here, but only slightly.

First, a labor and delivery nurse remembers the baby, who was born with some sort of genetic skin disease which made him unable to tolerate any kind of light at all. The doctor proclaimed the child dead, but when his body was being taken from the hospital to a private insurance company for an autopsy, the nurse thought she heard him cry out. But she never reported it. Oh, and also, she recalls the name of the insurance company.

And guess what? The insurance company is a subsidiary that was/is part of what became Massive Dynamic.

Wow. Didn’t see that coming.

Olivia (Anna Torv) apparently knows the entire history of Massive Dynamic now, including every company they ever bought out, gobbled up, or put out of business. When she goes to ask Nina (Blair Brown) about the baby boy, she learns the child was part of a genetics experimentation ward housed by the evil empire, and in time he became completely invisible. A fire killed everyone in that wing several years ago, and though it was impossible to prove the death of an invisible man, they assumed he’d perished as well.

Okay, fine.

They track down the boy, and in keeping with the depressing theme of the last several weeks, we see that he’s killing people to make himself visible. And not because he wants to fix what was done to him, but simply because he wants what everyone wants – to be seen, and cherished, and loved. It’s rather sad, and he’s got an Edward Cullen-esque stalker thing going on with one of the girls in his building. When Olivia catches up with him she warns him that treating himself one more time will result in his death. He does it anyway, and dies after the girl of his dreams comments that she “see’s him every morning.” So at least there’s that.

Peter (Joshua Jackson) is working on rebuilding the machine, which he believes will be able to fling him back into the correct timeline since it was able to pull him out. Lincoln visits, and it becomes clear he is developing feelings for Olivia. Which, one would think, would bother Peter, but it doesn’t. He claims this Olivia is not his Olivia, and even gives Lincoln new glasses to try to win her over. That whole thing is a little bit weird for me, and I hope we’re not headed for some sort of bizarre love triangle between the three of them. I’m no longer convinced Peter is wrong about his being in the wrong place…although if he’s not, it’s only that he’s in the wrong time not the wrong place. I think. Maybe. Time/Space disruptions hurt my poor little brain cells.

In more interesting news, Olivia is having trouble with migraines. On the way back from an all night pharmacy she spots Lincoln having coffee, and after she sits down with him, he admits he hasn’t been able to sleep ever since he began working with the Fringe Division. The things he has seen are upsetting his worldview. Olivia advises him he’ll get used to it, but when she learns later that Astrid sees a shrink to deal with her feelings about their cases, Olivia begins to wonder if there is something wrong with her. She expresses her worries to Nina, asking if perhaps her own time as a test subject could have harmed her in some way. Nina assures her that isn’t the problem, that everyone figures out life at their own pace.

Nina, however, is not to be trusted. We learn this at the end of the episode when she gasses Olivia’s apartment, breaks in with a couple of guys, and injects her with some kind of serum. Turns out the headaches have been caused by their clandestine doctoring, though their purpose is going to remain a secret UNTIL JANUARY WHEN THE SHOW RETURNS GRRR.

Season 4, Episode 7 “Wallflower” (original airdate November 18, 2011)

Fringe airs Fridays at 9/8c on Fox.

Photos Courtesy of Liane Hentscher and FOX

Supernatural Review: When Turducken Goes Bad

Season 7, Episode 9: How to Win Friends and Influence Monsters (originally aired November 18, 2011).

Fridays at 9/8c on The CW

Photos Courtesy of The CW

Bones Review: No Work, All Play

If any of you are long time readers of my reviews of Bones for this website, you’ll have noticed something off about my recaps and thoughts over the first couple episodes of Season 7 – namely that they have been largely favorable. This coming from a girl who hoped for an announcement that S7 would be their final run, just to get the show off the air before it descended so far into crap no one would even be able to recall that it had, once upon a time, been fantastic. This coming from a girl so angered by the S6 finale that she was ready to ask her editor for a different show to cover this fall, so she could boycott the writers for stealing out Booth/Bones sexytime moment.

After 3 episodes, I’m singing a completely different tune. This week’s installment gives us another solid, interesting, and at times amusing case that is solved by all the members of the lab. The formula that made Bones better than your average cop show in the beginning was the mixture of its strong, likable ensemble cast with the sizzling chemistry between the male and female leads. They wandered down the wrong path when we spent three-fourths of every episode whining about Booth and Bones, but now that their storyline is resolved (for now) the series has found solid footing. I, for one, am falling in love all over again.

The night begins when an executive with a local toy company (ala Mattel) is found murdered in the building’s top secret creative workspace. The injuries to her body are strange, and Angela (Michaela Conlin) sets to work figuring out what kind of weapon could have produced them – in between trying to assemble a toy for her and Hodgins’ baby boy, a task that proves impossible as the writers riff on the instructions that come with our multitude of ‘Made in China’ products. At one point Angela even breaks down and asks Bones (Emily Deschanel) for help, and even our resident genius can’t figure things out. Toward the end of the episode Cam (Tamara Taylor) wanders into the now extremely frustrated Angela, and when Hodgins (T.J.Thyne) shows up, he believes he can help, no problem. I still love the two of them together and would be a fan, almost every week, of spending more time focused on them.

It’s like the show’s producers heard my pleas, because this week also treated us to the return of Daisy Wick (Carla Gallo), still in the rare form that makes me want to both slap her and be her best friend. Sweets (John Francis Daley) is applying for a handgun certification, since he spends time in the field, and Booth (David Boreanaz) is against it from the start. Sweets is offended, assuming Booth doesn’t believe in him, but the latter claims he’s trying to protect their resident psychologist from situations he might not be ready to face. There are some funny moments as Sweets takes on the shooting range, preparing for his test, in which Daisy tries to keep her hands off him while he’s engaged in such a manly task. The two of them picked up where they left off, and are always amusing, albeit typically in some kind of inappropriate fashion.

Sweets does end up with his certification to carry, and from Booth himself, after a rather amusing scene that ends up with Sweets “injured.”

Speaking of inappropriate, a Prince Charmington doll (think Ken) was found with the victim, and Daisy is more upset about the dismembering of her childhood fantasy man than the human woman who died trying to hang on to him. She goes so far as to refer to it as a double homicide and perform an autopsy on the toy, which actually yields some usable results (good thing for her, too). Booth also takes the chatterbox squint into the field while Bones is otherwise occupied, and in true Daisy fashion, she ends up asking all the right questions in all the wrong ways and learns exactly what they need to know.

Suspicion initially falls on the victim’s brother, who admits to stealing rare toys and selling them on the internet, then moves to her secret affair with the “real” Prince Charmington. But when he reveals the victim had planned to leave the company and take her ideas elsewhere, they prove (with the help of Hodgins, and to some extent Cam) the culprit is the victim’s boss.

The case’s theme of toys gets to Bones, who worries she won’t be able to play properly with their daughter since she never actually learned how to play. Angela talks with her about it, then takes her to the toy store, and when Booth arrives home at the end of the night she pops out of the kitchen, pelting him with foam balls from a toy gun and laughing manically. Once Booth gets over the shock, he grabs the second gun and they play together. It’s another – wait for it – adorable scene in a growing collection of adorable scenes featuring what is probably my favorite television couple.

Except Chuck and Blair from Gossip Girl. Let’s not get silly.

Season 7, Episode 3 “The Prince in the Plastic” (original airdate November 17, 2011)

Bones airs Thursday nights at 9/8c on Fox.

Photos Courtesy of Ray Mickshaw and FOX

Top Chef Review: Let the Show Begin

It’s week three on Top Chef and we’re finally cookin’. We start with the Quickfire Challenge, judged by Padma (didn’t love the headband, P) and Johnny Hernandez of La Gloria restaurant. There are snakes slithering around in the Top Chef kitchen so you best bet that it’s time for everyone to make a rattlesnake dish. Padma wants to see some “mother-f***” snakes on those mother-f***” plates!

Surprisingly, the chefs I thought might be the strongest in the competition came out on bottom – Jimmy, Ritchie and Nyesha. Both Jimmy and Ritchie went so overboard in their flavors, they lost the taste of rattlesnake and Nyesha ended up overcooking her main ingredient. On the flip side, Beverly got props for her presentation and cooking to her strengths. Dakota rocked her beer battered fried rattlesnake and Sarah kept it simple and straightforward with rattlesnake and a touch of citrus. Our winner? A very happy Dakota who not only got $10,000 but immunity from the Elimination Challenge.

Next, is the fateful Elimination Challenge – cooking for Blanca Flores, a bubbly 15 year-old having her Quinceanera. The chefs were split into two teams, Team Green and Team Pink. The task is to cook elegant Mexican cuisine for over 100 guests. The piece de resistance? A cake.

Everyone takes off to the grocery store and Mexican meat market. Team Green, at this point, is functioning as more of a cohesive unit than Team Pink. I was surprised to see Beverly’s Aretha Franklin diva moment emerge as she demanded people put everything down immediately to get short ribs for her. Beverly may not be as sweet as I originally thought.

Cut to next scene where the members of Team Pink discover Keith bought pre-cooked shrimp. Everyone is aghast at how he could’ve made such a decision.  I guess I don’t understand the gravity of buying pre-cooked shrimp versus raw shrimp but, that’s why the perfect place for me is on my couch…watching the horror unfold. When asked what he was thinking, Keith says that because he didn’t know what the shrimp would be used for, he made a judgment call that pre-cooked shrimp would work. I buy that. I also think that all the other chefs standing around him at the seafood-counter threw him under the bus because they easily could’ve argued for raw shrimp. I’d like to point out Chris in particular. He claimed he “didn’t see” that it was pre-cooked shrimp Keith bought but he totally did. Sketchy and not cool at all.

At the Quinceanera, Team Green’s dishes stood out and took home the victory. This despite having one of the jankiest looking tres leches cakes I have ever seen.

Ty, Sarah, Lindsay and Keith were the unlucky 4 that were called to Judges Table. As predicted, Keith’s decision to buy pre-cooked shrimp was highly criticized. He also got dinged for using flour tortillas instead of corn tortillas for his enchiladas. Lindsay went down with the flour tortilla ship because the judges thought she should’ve said something when she saw Keith using flour rather than corn, especially given the fact she knew that corn is the predominant tortilla used in the region and Keith had no clue.

Well, Keith paid for his cluelessness. He was sent packing, I would’ve liked to have seen him stick around for another challenge. I think he’s a better chef than we got to see and an overall good guy.

We’re down to 15 chefs and next week is a chili cook-off. Also, Beverly cries in her second straight episode. Do I feel a season long crying countdown coming on?

Lastly, Keith won this week’s Last Chance Kitchen (yay). He’s up against next week’s loser.

 

Season 9, Episode 3: Quinceanera (originally aired November 16, 2011).

Fore more cheftastic drama, tune in every 10/9 central on Bravo.

Images courtesy of Bravo TV.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta Review: Welcome to Miami

Review: On The X Factor, Ungrateful Wins Out Over Grace

On this week’s The X Factor, the performances were only the beginning, a sort of appetizer for what would eventually erupt on the following night’s results/elimination show, where we all learned that humility and grace doesn’t always win out over pure obnoxiousness and arrogance. More on that in a bit, but let me just preview it by saying that this week’s results made me more angry than host Steve Jones seems to be every single week on the show. The last 15 minutes or so of Thursday night’s show sent me into a murderous rage,much like the one Steve Jones goes on when he is snapping at the judges to “move it along, we are out of time! Let’s go!”

This week, The Top 10 once again performed live for America’s votes. This week’s theme was “Rock Week,” but really they should have called it “None of Us Know What the Hell Rock Music is Week” since pretty much every single song was either NOT a rock song or wasn’t performed in a rock ‘n roll style. There were actually more ballads than rockin’ numbers on the night, and almost every performance seemed to spark constant, annoying, immature arguments between the judges, especially Simon and L.A. Reid. I know the judges are competing against one another (and that is normally an aspect to this show that I enjoy) but this week, it felt more like schoolchildren bullying one another with dumb, uninteresting insults that took away from the sometimes very good performances. Let’s begin:

LeROY Bell:

It’s pronounced LeROY, bitches! Just sayin’. The song was “We Got Tonight” by Bob Segar. A slow ballad to start off the evening. Not exactly a rollickin’ tune there. Bell’s voice continues to be very real, authentic, and souful. Or, as L.A. Reid calls it: “boring.” Two notes in, Nicole was doing her “come to Jesus” hands cupped on her face, crying thing; as if Bell had just cured cancer with his performance. Simon gave Leroy a “zero” for originality, while Bell’s mentor Nicole overstated with: “the best you’ve ever done. Courageous!” It was a guy singing a song. It was good, but what’s so damn courageous about it? Relax, woman. Then all the judges broke into a giant, stupid argument over whether or not the song was really “rock.” (The answer: It isn’t. It’s a freakin’ ballad. The end.) Host Steve Jones broke up the party by running in and yelling at everyone: “Can we just. . .quickly. . .quickly. . .may I speak please?” I think I saw a gun peaking out underneath his suit jacket pocket. To vote for Leroy on Twitter, use the hashtag #xfactorJudgesAreInfants

Rachel Crow:

Ugh. This kid is a ray of sunshine with a voice that is extremely mature for her age, but she is still a KID. I believe she is 13 yrs. old. I really wish they would stop giving her songs that are way beyond her years of understanding. It was a little weird with the deep love songs, but “Satisfaction” by The Rolling Stones? Really? Yes, this one was rock, so it was appropriate for the theme; just inappropriate for HER. I don’t know about anyone else, but I feel a little squeamish listening to a child singing about how she ain’t gettin’ no sexual satisfaction. (They don’t SAY sexual, but we all know that’s what the song is about, right?) Aside from the weird song choice, her vocals were spot on once again. This girl is so likeable and fun. I could have done without the 9 billion dancers behind Rachel. They really don’t NEED to fill the stage with all kinds of “business” whenever she performs. She can fill that stage all by herself, and it would be a lot more interesting. Crow’s mentor Simon loved her performance, and called her a “winner.” To vote for Rachel on Twitter, use the hashtag #stopGivingmeSexSongsImaKID!

Chris Rene:

The song was Bob Marley’s “Every Little Thing,” and this was another one that erupted into an immature fight between Reid and Cowell about whether this was rock or reggae. Simon kept repeating that reggae is not rock, and Reid kept telling us over and over and over how Marley was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Rene’s performance was very good, and his overall aura onstage continues to be likeable. I find myself wanting to root for him. What is painful for me with both Rene’s and Astro’s performances, is watching L.A. Reid, a black man, hip-hopping and “dancing” with his head from inside his seat. I will just say it. He moves like a white man who has no rhythm. It is painful to watch. He closed his eyes and moves his head back and forth in a frightening manner, feeling the song and the beat. Sometimes he even taps a pencil on the desk at the same time. Honestly, someone should record him and play it back for him. Maybe he would stop. While he was complimenting his artist, Jones rushed in and pushed Rene out of the way, saying: “Thank you Paula, thank you Reid . . . lets go . . . time to go . . .” To vote for Chris Rene on Twitter, use the hashtag “MaketheWhiteManinBlackMansBodyDancingStop

Stacy Francis:

I love Stacy. I relate to Stacy. She is in her 40′s. I turned 40 this year. She has been through some tough times in her life, after getting through an emotionally abusive relationship that left her with very little confidence or belief in herself. I am currently living the hardest and saddest time of my life, with the sudden and unexpected loss of my husband. She is overly emotional. So am I. Never used to be, but I am now. The point is: I really like her, and I love what she is all about. When she cries up there, I also tear up. I am a comedian/actor/performer too, and I know what it feels like to know this is your last chance, to know what that means. I feel for her on so many levels, and I think she is immensely talented. All that being said . . . the song choice this week was so wrong for her intense vocal ability. Not only that; it wasn’t a rock song, but yet another ballad. (Seriously. Does anyone on this show know what a rock song is???) Lastly, it was freakin’ Meatloaf. Oh, how I hate Meatloaf. “It’s All Coming Back To Me Now” was the song, and Francis started very off-key. (Later, she said that because she didn’t have an ear-monitor in and she couldn’t hear the music at all.) All in all, not her best performance by any stretch of the imagination. I don’t know the process for choosing songs on this show, but I do know if it were up to me, I would have given her something by one of the great FEMALE rockers out there. How about some Heart? Or Lita Ford? Or even Chaka Khan? Just not . . . Meatloaf. The judges comments were not positive. Paula: “My least favorite performance by you.” Simon said the song was a “horrible choice.” Nicole said some crap about her being brave and strong and filled with rainbows and light. Or something. Gag. Poor Stacy looked like she was seconds away from bursting into tears. For real. To vote for Stacy on Twitter, use the hashtag #Meatloaf?Really?

Melanie Amaro:

Still my overall favorite vocals on the show. I do think she needs to be a bit more emotionally invested in the performances, as she doesn’t always seem to be “feeling” the music like Stacy or Josh both do so well and naturally. But vocally, I could listen to her sing all day. The song choice was R.E.M’s “Everybody Hurts.” A beautiful song. Is it a rock band? Sure. Pop-rock. Is it a rock SONG? Noooooo!!!!! Another ballad!!!! What is wrong with these people? Her performance was gorgeous; it was just her and a piano. Reid and Simon broke into yet another fight over this one, with Reid saying: “That was NOT rock!” Simon saying: “Are you telling me R.E.M. isn’t a rock band? Why don’t you tell them that?” Steve Jones came out of nowhere and ordered them to both “move it along. Let’s go. Running low on time!” (Subtext: I’m scheduled to murder someone right after this. LET’S MOVE PEOPLE!) To vote for Melanie on Twitter, use the hashtag #thereArenoRocksongsOnRockNight

Josh Krajcik:

FINALLY!!!! A rock song! Ding ding ding! You win a prize for not being a dumbass, and actually knowing what a rock song is! Congratulations! Performing “Never Surrender” by The Foo Fighters; Josh woke the place up and reminded us that it, was, in fact, rock night. This guy is really, really good, and I love his voice AND his personality. He may be one of the dark horses of this competition. Definitely the performance of the night, and all three judges agreed. Even serial-killer Steve Jones managed to smile and tell Josh: “You rock, sir!” To vote Josh on Twitter, use hashtag #PleaseDontHurtMeSteve.

Astro:

Performing the Diddy (or Puff Daddy, or PDiddy, or whatever the hell his damn name is this week) version of The Police’s classic “Every Breathe You Take,” Astro gave another enlightened, complex performance, and once again re-wrote a lot of the original lyrics himself. If only his personality, which is arrogant and off-putting, matched his immense talent, perhaps I could muster up some reason to put in a vote for him. So far though, I continue to find him unlikeable. Paula called him “phenomenal” while Simon said he had more “maturity and intelligence than some of the older people here.” (I’m guessing he wished he hadn’t said that after what happened on Thursday night’s results show. Stay tuned.) Both Reid and Simon predicted that Astro has a real shot of winning the whole show. To vote for Astro, use hashtag #thisLittleShitMightWinTheWholeDamnThing

Lakoda Rayne:

Poor Paula. With 2 out of 3 of her Groups already voted off last week and the week before, these 4 girls are literally her only hope left. Simon pointed out, that if Rayne goes home: “that’s it for Paula. She’s done. Paula will be gone.” I’m not familiar with what happens on this show when all the mentors contestants have been voted off, but I’m guessing that you are taken out to the middle of the Pine Barrens in a dark car where Steve Jones and his mafia Hollywood cronies have you “eliminated.” Luckily, the girls did pretty well this week, with a pleasant sounding version of Fleetwood Mac’s “You Can Go Your Own Way.” Reid said it was the first time he had seen them having fun up there, and Paula beamed with pride for her group. Simon thought it was awful, and called it a “complete mess.” Reid retorted: “You’re being mean.” Cowell said threateningly: “Watch your back.” What the hell does THAT mean? Do you two wanna beat each other up at recess today by the monkey bars? Simmer down. As for Lakoda Rayne, all I can find myself saying about them is this: they’re harmless. They’re not hurtin’ anybody. To vote for them on Twitter, use the hashtag #BlandDentistOfficeMusic

Drew:

Sigh. Once again, they got half of it right by choosing a U2 song. Clearly, U2 is a rock band. But what did they choose? Not “Sunday Bloody Sunday” or “Where the Streets Have No Name” or something with a PULSE, but they chose “With or Without You” and slowed it down until it was practically no longer there. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. . . . . . . Drew’s voice continues to be unbelievably unique, and she would absolutely kill in a recording studio, but I’m starting to feel like I’ve been invited to Kareoke Night at Enya’s house. The judges agreed, except Simon, who told Drew not to listen to anything they had to say. To vote Drew on Twitter, use hashtag #FortheLoveofGodSingSomethingThatDoesntMakeMeClinicallyDepressed

Marcus Canty:

Love this guy. He is magnetic, and when he is onstage, you can’t take your eyes off of him. He is a performer times 100. He actually reminds me of Prince in a lot of ways, where he just has that . . . THING . . . (um, the X-Factor? . . .) that makes you want to keep watching him. The song choice was Janis Joplin’s “Piece of My Heart” and although it was clearly not something Canty was comfortable with or would normally sing, at least it was ROCK! And actually, he really pulled it off quite well. This kid is capable of going with it, playing the character that the song requires, and just doing it and giving a thousand percent each time. He doesn’t disappoint. Paula put it perfectly with: “You are the entertainer of the competition!” To vote for Marcus on Twitter, use the hashtag #IncrediblePerformer

 

Bullshit Elimination Show That Pissed Me Off:

Okay. I’m going to very quickly give you a SHORT rundown of what happened BEFORE it got interesting, and then we will get to the good stuff. The show opened with a cheesy cast group song, “We Will Rock You” by Queen. A couple of the contestants forgot the words, which seems to happen every single time they do a group number. I realize you people have a lot of stuff to memorize in one week and all, but it does really kind of look bad when you’re up there on national TV going “blah blah blah blah blah …ummm..umm…disgrace….blood on your face…blah blah blah all over the place….” Next, there was a  performance by Rhianna, and then Steve Jones began telling us which of the acts made it into the Top 9 and would continue on next week. The first act to go through was Leroy Bell. After that, the second act to make it through was Lakoda Rayne. The look on Simon’s face was priceless, as I think he and a lot of other people expected them to be the ones who would be eliminated. Nope. Paula ran up onstage and hugged her girls, screaming to the other judges: “I told you so!!!!” I felt happy for her.

Slowly, Steve Jones continued revealing which acts would go right through to next week, eventually leaving the Bottom Two acts who have to “Sing for Survival” for the judges. The judges then decide between the two acts who will go home.

This week, the two acts in the bottom two were quite surprising: Stacy Francis and Astro. Right away, they both looked stunned. Francis had a look on her face like she had just been struck by lightning, and Astro looked annoyed, pissed off, and somewhat arrogant. He looked like he wanted to cut somebody; like he was pouting. He was more off-putting than usual. And that’s saying a lot, really.

Stacy Francis performed “Amazing Grace,” and came out and gave it her all for the crowd, delivering her usual emotionally raw vocals.

Astro came out next, but instead of going into his performance of “Never Can Say Goodbye,” he stopped in the middle of the stage, and told the judges and the crowd: “I don’t think I should have to perform. I think its unnecessary.” Some of the crowd started to boo, and Astro turned to his mentor Reid, almost looking for permission to not have to sing. Reid said something that was vague and made little sense; something that let Astro off the hook way too easily. Finally, Astro asked the crowd: “Do you think I should perform?” More boos and applause, all mixed together. Total confusion from everyone. Who the hell does this kid think he is? He is a 14 year old CHILD. What the hell makes him so special that he shouldn’t have to perform just like everybody else? Just when I thought this obnoxious punk couldn’t make me any more boiling mad, he did. Astro “performed” his song, if you want to call it that. He did it half-assed. On purpose. He phoned it in. Didn’t try. By doing this, he sent the message loud and clear that he is too good for everyone, and clearly “above it all.” Someone please kick this kid in the ass for me. Hard. Thank you.

At this point, the judges had to make their decisions on who to send home. Now, to me, the choice is OBVIOUS. They are both immensely talented in completely different ways. One person just went out there and gave you everything you asked for and more, and did it with grace. The other person acted like an ungrateful, spoiled little brat who clearly doesn’t appreciate the amazing opportunity this show has given him. As a struggling performer myself, and one who has been around for a long time, nothing upsets me more than being ungrateful. Nobody owes you anything, kid. And trust me, nobody wants to be “told a thing or two” by a 14 year old who hasn’t lived a life yet. So, to me, what happened next was disgraceful, and the judges should be ashamed of themselves. All they had to do was make the right choice on who to send home, and they didn’t do that.

L.A. Reid started off by telling Astro that he was “disappointed” by his attitude, but then ended up “sticking by his contestant” and sending Stacy Francis home. Nicole sent home Astro for the same reason, because she was standing by her contestant Stacy. Paula also sent home Stacy, which left the final decision to Simon Cowell. Right now, there were 2 votes for Stacy to go home and 1 for Astro. So, the RIGHT thing and the obvious thing to do here is to vote to send Astro home, which would tie the score at 2 apiece. This would leave it in America’s hands, and whomever had the lowest amount of votes would automatically go home. Why on earth he didn’t do that is a mystery. Instead, he asked Astro why he didn’t want to perform just then. At this point, Astro made things worse, and came across like an even BIGGER jackass, by saying emphatically: “Well, you gonna put me in the bottom two, I don’t wanna come out here and perform for people who don’t want me here.” Really? What a baby. This is showbiz, kid! You know what the show is about.  You know how it works. You’re in the bottom two, you perform to try and convince the judges to keep you on. You signed up. Deal with it, appreciate it, be grateful for it.

The audience once again gave some more boo’s toward Astro, and some of them started chanting Stacy’s name. Earlier in the season, during auditions, Astro acted like a class A arrogant jerk back then too, talking back to Simon and the judges and generally coming across like an obnoxious little shit. Simon called him on it, then put him through anyway. That should have been his warning shot, his one chance. Why on earth Simon Cowell chose to put this kid through a second time Thursday night, especially when he could have left it in America’s hands, is beyond me. (By the way, Simon joined Twitter this week, so if you’d like to take this up with him like I did, tweet him. )

Simon, Reid, and Paula all chose ungratefulness over graciousness. They chose tacky over class. After Simon sent Stacy home, she responded by thanking the judges and America for the incredible opportunity, and for taking responsibility for her “bad performance” the night before. She was thankful to be there, and I hope that because of her talent and that attitude, she will continue to get work in the industry.

Unfortunately, there seem to be more people like Astro in entertainment than like Francis, and when you reward that behavior, it sends the message that it’s okay to be an ass as long as you have talent. Well, I disagree, and that kind of “holier than thou” behavior, especially coming from someone who has barely reached puberty, is a huge turn-off for me, and for a lot of people. Astro is massively talented, but he will never get my vote. I hope that America sends him a message next week, by voting for him to go home and eat some humble pie. Jerk.

Season 1, Episodes 15 and 16 (originally aired November 16 and 17, 2011)

X Factor airs Wednesdays and Thursdays at 8/7c on FOX.

Photos courtesy of xfactorusa.com

Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 Review: Let’s Go Ahead and Call It a Win

I love being able to say I was right.

Would you like to know what I was right about this time? Then read on.

November 18 finally arrived, the day Twilight fans (and those who enjoy laughable, cheesy goodness at the theater) have been waiting on for about eighteen months – the release of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1. For my part, I’ve been cautiously optimistic since viewing the first extended trailers at Comic-Con last summer, curious to see whether the interesting choices made in those few glimpses would translate to the full length product. In addition, the theatrical trailer for this movie is top notch, and had me looking forward to my opening night screening as opposed to dreading it.

Here’s how it went down.

The opening thirty minutes of the film had me squirming. Bella (Kristen Stewart) looks, as usual, all kinds of uncomfortable in her own skin. The Cullens were even more awkward, even more terrible at acting, than I remembered from Eclipse. The wedding preparations, the silly bachelor party scene, and the first of too many unnecessary and cheesy flashbacks had me thinking I was in for a long 117 minutes.

The wedding arrived, and if I may take a girl moment here, Bella’s dress (the one they protected like it was the freaking crown jewels during filming) was hideous. HIDEOUS. Unflattering, strange, and like something a nun would wear to get married, not any 18-year-old girl I’ve ever known. Bella has a (completely unnecessary) nightmare the night before the wedding and the dress she wears in her dream is lovely. They should have gone with that.

But I digress.

The good news is, once we struggle through the wedding, reception (the Cullen’s extended family looked so freakish, I can’t even tell you), and Bella’s awkward goodbye with Jacob (Taylor Lautner), in which she tells him she plans to consummate her marriage to Edward (Robert Pattinson) while she’s still human (why would she do that?), the film begins to settle in and hit a comfortable pace.

The interactions with both her mother (Sarah Clarke) and father (Billy Burke) range from heartfelt to funny. One of the best, quiet scenes of the movie takes place with Bella alone in her room, the night before her wedding to Edward. Every adult woman in that theater (including me) identified with her in that moment – the final night under your parent’s roof, the moments before your life changes forever and you’re no longer a kid. It was poignant and real, and the kind of small glimpses of truth these film adaptations have been short on in the past.

So Edward and Bella head to their honeymoon on Isle Esme, to the headboard breaking, pillow ripping scenes those of us who read the novels have been waiting for over the past three or four years. Director Bill Condon and screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg make another great choice to begin what is otherwise an extremely predictable honeymoon when they allow Bella a few “human moments” to panic about her first night with her new husband. I appreciated these minutes of honesty that let Bella become relatable, even likable. In fact, Breaking Dawn has done the impossible, finally morphing the main character of this franchise into someone we can not only root for, but understand.

After the silliness of the days on Isle Esme, in which they destroy the bed, pillows, and room in general the first night, but spend the rest of the days playing chess, since Edward refuses to touch her again for fear of leaving more bruises, we get down to the meat and potatoes of this film – Bella’s unexpected and rather grotesque pregnancy. Edward drags her home to see Carlisle (Peter Facinelli). The family patriarch can’t see the baby with ultrasounds or run any tests at all because the amniotic sac is built for a super strong, half-vampire baby and not a regular human one. The entire family, aside from Rosalie (Nikki Reed), who always wanted children of her own, urges Bella to terminate the pregnancy. If she doesn’t, the baby will kill her before she can deliver. You can imagine Jake is pretty upset as well, because he’s still hanging around all annoying like even though the girl he loves is married and knocked up.

But talk about stakes, right? I mean, you might be reading or watching and thinking that’s so silly, but let me put it to you this way. There are plenty of couples who struggle with this same (okay, not exactly the same) situation in real life every day, where husbands and wives have to make the decision to terminate or continue a pregnancy when there is risk to the mother or the baby. I’m not saying a plot that revolves around half-vampire babies that may or may not be demonic isn’t silly, I’m just saying.

Bella, with Rosalie at her side, is determined to carry the baby as long as possible in order to give it its best chance at survival. She believes Carlisle or Edward will be able to turn her into a vampire at the last moment, but even when they advise her this might not be possible if her heart gives out first, she claims she’s willing to die to bring their baby into the world. From this decision we get a series of honest, emotional scenes between our newlyweds that range from anger, to betrayal, and finally to acceptance and support. Another fantastic moment, this time (gasp!) between Edward and Bella, comes when he realizes his desperation over losing her has left her to deal with their situation alone. It’s rather adorable.

Anyway. You can take it from here, whether you’ve read the books or seen the film. If you live under a rock, I can’t go any further without spoiling things.

So up until now, this review has been largely favorable, and you’re thinking I:

A)    Am blinded by my enjoyment of the novels

B)    Have some kind of twisted crush on Robert Pattinson and/or Edward

C)    Have no idea what I’m talking about

D)    Am a brainless pod person

I promise you it’s none of the above, although I freely admit to enjoying the novels.

There are issues with this film. Issues that have been taken with the previous three installments, and that have not been shored up in this second to last episode. The screenwriting is still largely cringe worthy, especially in the moments not bolstered by action or intense emotion. I giggled at the absurdity of certain lines, usually ones that were meant to be somber. There are at least four scenes that are worthless, cheesy, out of place, or add nothing to anything important. The worst of these is a scene with the werewolves, in which they have an argument/discussion that takes place while they’re in wolf form. I’m not sure who thought this was a good idea, or if Condon was tripping on acid that day, but the whole thing is like some tragic straight-to-video sequel to Balto. It not only completely pulled me out of the moment, but destroyed any intended tension. The scene where Jacob imprints on Renesmee manages to be both disturbing and laughable, which is a strange combination.

In addition, this could and should have been one final film. I could easily chop thirty minutes, then add forty-five, and Twilight could have been over, with a strong finish, in under two and a half hours. Releasing a second installment (in which absolutely nothing happens) is pure, undiluted greed.

But you know what? After the initial thirty to forty-five minutes of Breaking Dawn there were large chunks that made me forget I was watching a Twilight movie, even sucked me in to the point I couldn’t remember I was supposed to be making fun. I never once looked at my watch wondering how much longer I had to sit there. When I knew it must be nearing a conclusion, I wished it would keep going. The movie mirrors the experience of reading the novel in many ways, where I couldn’t turn the pages fast enough to find out what happened, but at the same time I wanted to slow down and make it last.

So what was I right about, you ask?

Since the beginning, I’ve defended the actors of this film franchise. I’ve never believed they are as bad at their craft as the writing makes them seem (with the exception of Ashley Greene, who though she looks exactly like Alice, has got to be one of the worst actresses I’ve ever seen). Eclipse started the ball rolling, but Breaking Dawn proves me right beyond the shadow of a doubt. Yes, there are still issues but on the whole, if you give this cast real action, emotion, and story to sink their teeth into, they’ll rise to the challenge.

Setting aside the initial thirty minutes, Breaking Dawn is the best made, best acted, and most enjoyable of the Twilight films thus far. If you liked the other movies (or just liked to make fun of them), you’ll love it. If you enjoyed the novels, it doesn’t stray from the source material at all. If your girlfriend makes you go, you won’t hate it.

As far as this franchise is concerned, we can call this one a win.

Photos Courtesy of IMDb and Summit Entertainment

The Descendants Review: A Unique and Dramatic Situation

It’s fair to say that I have a particularly adept insight of Hawaii, also of the loss of an immediate family member, two of the most significant binding agents of Alexander Payne’s most recent offering, the quiet and often funny The Descendants, so it’s also fair to say that the impact of it will last for quite some time. Set against the lush tropics of our most beautiful state, the film is quick to undercut the romanticizing of Hawaii and within one minute of the first reel unspooling, a voice-over provided by Matt King (George Clooney) offers up the cheeky sentiment, “Paradise can go fuck itself.” Not exactly Mahalo.

Matt King’s life is, to coin another Clooney treasure, up in the air. By lineage, he is the sole trustee of the King family estate, which owns a massive parcel of Hawaiian land that has been passed down through seven generations of Kings and could now be worth billions. The family is weeks away from making this happen. On top of this, and most importantly, his wife of many years, with whom he has had two daughters, is in a coma after a recent boat accident. Early on in the movie, her doctor tells Matt that there is simply no way Elizabeth is going to pull out of the coma and that her current vegetative state would be the quality of life for her moving forward. Matt now has to make the gut-wrenching decision of turning off her life support, as she requested, but not before putting all the family affairs in order.

His first order of business is to collect his oldest daughter Alexandra (Shailene Woodley) from boarding school, sent there because she causes too much trouble and Matt has no idea how to discipline her. Status quo for ten-year-old Scottie King (Amara Miller), who still lives with Matt but causes just as much trouble. Her most recent exploit: texting a fellow classmate that “everyone knows you got pubes over the summer.” Without his wife, Matt is out of his depth with his children alone and this is most evident when he finds Alex pissed-drunk and roaming the school campus after hours with a friend. Alex’s reaction to Matt’s insistence on seeing her mother? “Fuck Mom.” Brutal, but in a way warranted, despite her blood alcohol level clocking in somewhere around 40 proof. Warranted because of the revelation that Alex offers Matt: his dying wife was cheating on him. The news sets Matt on an odyssey of sorts across the island chain, questing after answers that he might not necessarily want and allowing him to reconnect with his family in the process.

Alexander Payne has a great gift in that he is one of the only working filmmakers today that can take something as insular and microcosmic as one family’s crisis and articulate every small beat to pinpoint accuracy. Paul Thomas Anderson once wrote that the best drama comes from the most normal things; losing your car keys, for instance. Payne has this same perspective and runs with it to great success. The minutiae of dealing with the closing of a loved one’s life is something incredibly painful and taxing, both physically and emotionally. No one should have to endure “making the arrangements” and yet at some point in life, everyone must. This is the crossroads we find ourselves in with Matt in The Descendants.

The most striking thing about any Alexander Payne film is how deftly he switches tone, nearly invisibly, awashing you in a tsunami of great emotion in one moment, only allowing it to recede into comedy the next. The comedy in The Descendants is born of the characters, whether it is the foul mouthed Alex, her dude-bro friend Sid, or Clooney himself telling the aforementioned Sid that he’s pretty sure he is a “fucking retard.” The point is that there is no cause or reasoning of what we do when we are struggling through an impossible situation of letting go of a family member. There is no logic or foresight to the decisions you make, there is simply reaction, the results of which can end up sprouting laughs where you’d least expect.

In a recent interview with Rolling Stone, George Clooney confessed that in the months after hurting his back during the filming of Syriana he seriously contemplated suicide.  The very thought of this scrambles my eggs because Clooney is our last movie star, and to lose him would be to lose that last sense of Hollywood’s golden era that we’ve got left. No other actor makes such consistently good choices that Clooney makes both as an actor and as a filmmaker. He rarely does interviews and is only photographed at functions he wants attention directed toward. In a world filled with the internet, TMZ, WireImage, and Twitter, he still carries with him a sense of mystique. To lose that would be a great blow to commercial films and The Descendants only supports all of that. No doubt that Clooney will receive another Oscar nod for this film and although his subtle and nuanced performance won’t win him the statue, it’s that subtlety that defines his choices, opting to find a movie in which he can find pieces of himself in the role rather than chew through scenery or wear transformative makeup. Equally great is Shailene Woodley, who seems to have no problem breaking out of the constraints of her secret American teenage life to show everyone that she is a much smarter and intuitive actor than her previous roles have allowed her to be. Expect Woodley to be nominated for awards this year as well.

The Descendants has been released quietly this week, but it is abundantly clear that it is one of the year’s best films. Not to say that it is without a few hiccups, specifically a small plot twist towards the end which is too serendipitous to really believe, but it remains the most real and accurate a portrayal of a particular family crisis in quite a while. But the most important thing to remember is that even though The Descendants deals with death, tragedy, and loss, it is able to find life, and with it illuminate where the heart has grown most dark.

Images courtesy of Fox Searchlight and IMDbPro

America’s Next Top Model All-Stars Review: The Pot Ledom Olympics

Only a few episodes and models remain on America’s Next Top Model: All-Stars. The ladies are in beautiful Greece for the remainder of the competition and despite the peaceful serenity of the deep blue oceans and stunning landscapes, the dramas are still flowing. Everyone seems to feel directly threatened by at least one of the other girls but Miss J. Alexander is about to make it all that much more complicated.

The first Tyra mail of the episode prepped them for meeting with the judges for a quick critique but what they found upon arrival was that they’d be judged by their peers. Their emotional, hostile, and insecure peers. While Miss J. played moderator, a round table of the competing girls judged each other’s walks, portfolios, and overall star quality. There was also a brief verbal critique at the end, which was all well and good, until J. insisted on asking each girl who they personally thought did not deserve to win the competition. That’s one way to incite some fireworks. I guess since most of the models are pretty down to Earth people, there was a need to spice it up a bit and find out which girl would crack under the criticism. To no one’s surprise, it was Angelea whose trail of eggshells were finally trampled on with the help of Dominique. While most of the girls played neutral and refused to name a co-model, Dominque took the plunge for everyone by naming Angelea as the weakest model due to her low self-esteem and lack of model maturity. Of course, a big hoopla commenced when Ang couldn’t take the fact that the “dumbass bitches” kept trying to “psychologize” her (I realize that’s a real word but it just sounded so silly at the time!) and in all actuality help her out with a little constructive criticism. What was supposed to be a mock casting process turned into an intervention for Angelea’s attitude. After a brief storming out to show everyone what she’s made of, Miss J. drug her back in for the final voting and challenge decision. With each models’ voting ballot accounted for, Laura was voted the girl with the best star quality and the challenge winner. Allison had a tough time with the announcement that she was voted the model with the weakest all-star qualities, considering she has had some of the best photos at panel and has even won a few challenges.

Although Laura was the winner, the whole group was treated to a VIP day out with one of Greece’s most popular socialites, and former model, Twylem Pyper. A yacht ride to a cove for a dip in the sea was just what everyone needed to break the tension from the day. The cruise was followed up by a sweaty romp in a local nightclub with multiple alcohol shots, courtesy of Twylem. Compared to motherly Tyra, Twylem is a bit like the girls “cool” aunt that sneaks them into clubs and introduces them to her crazy world. Not all of the models were game, though. It can be fun to dance all night but, after the twenty-second shot, a real lady knows when to call it quittin’ time.

For the final photo challenge, Nigel Barker had the honors of running the shoot. Paying homage to the 3,000 and some year old Olympics that originated in Greece, the models depicted various ancient Olympic sports scenes while still incorporating their inner fashion goddesses. While Dominique struggled to balance the lankiness of her javelin against herself, Allison awkwardly pretended her designer handbag was discus. Both were a little stiff at first but quickly fell into their grooves with some useable photos. Lisa was assigned the hurdles and who wouldn’t think that it was right up her alley? It was the perfect set up to see how she’d react, given that the judges couldn’t take another photo of her flailing her legs about. Keeping that in mind, Lisa tried to play it safe until Nigel stepped in with some advice on using everything to her advantage which finally made for some great photos. Laura had the shoot that the other girls had to be envious of. Her chosen sport was archery and with the bow’s angles and curves, it made it the perfect accessory for any model. Angelea, on the other hand, got handed the worst sport accessory for a model: the shot put. Nobody looks elegant while performing shot put, Angelea included. Nigel had to literally move her around and pose her like some sort of storefront mannequin.

The judging panel left me shocked with this episode’s final outcome. It wasn’t Laura’s best photo or Allison’s runner up photo that was startling, as we all know how well these two already do. It was the decision to send home Dominique over Angelea that felt absurd. Dominique, although producing some great shots week after week, hasn’t been memorable enough for the judges to feel as though they needed to keep her around. Fair enough. Angelea’s constant struggle with her background and defensiveness under pressure were much more alarming to me. Plus, her not so lovely photo was basically horrendous. I don’t dislike her by any means but I think she has some fight or flight issues that need to be ironed out and Team Tyra might not have the patience much longer to wait for that to happen.

 

Cycle 17, Episode 10: Exploring Greece (originally aired November 16, 2011)

Images courtesy of the Walter Sassard/The CW.

The Sing-Off: Interview with Vocal Point

On this week’s episode of The Sing-Off, the remaining five teams tackled R&B. And while straight edge group Vocal Point proved with the help of Bobby Brown that they do indeed have soul, their efforts seemed to stagger with a lukewarm second act in The Temptations that ultimately brought them up short. They were sent home leaving four teams to battle it out as we make our way to the final show.

This week, Poptimal.com had the chance to talk with Tyler Sterling, Jake Hunsaker, and McKay Crockett of Vocal Point. And in our interview the guys discussed what they expected coming into the competition; the tough decisions of the judges, as well as what’s coming up next for Vocal Point.

After nine weeks of competition, Brigham Young’s 9 man group Vocal Point saw their chance at winning The Sing-Off come to an end. This might seem a surprise to fans who watched the group consistently receive praise from the judges week-after-week for their performances. And this week started out no differently with the group getting high praise from the judges with their performance of Bobby Brown’s “Every Little Step.” But when it came to an old school classic in “Ain’t Too Proud to Beg” by the Temptations, the judges criticized the guys for playing too safe. And with a tight race to the finale, this little slip was just enough to send the talented group home.

Keshaunta Moton for Poptimal.com: What did you guys expect coming into The Sing-Off and how has the experience lived up to your expectations?
Crockett: We had no idea what was going to happen. We’re kind of clean cut musicality type of performance…it was very rewarding to know that the people enjoyed what we did and the performances helped people smile and love music even more. So I think that as we began this whole experience, just not having any idea what was going to happen, when you put that into perspective and all that did happen, it was a complete success and a complete victory for us in what we wanted to accomplish on our time on The Sing-Off.

Poptimal.com: You guys have been touring as a group for a while, in what way was your time on The Sing-Off different from your time on tour?
Hunsaker: On tour we had the chance to travel around the Midwest and sing songs from our current repertoire. The Sing-Off was an entirely new ball game because every week we had to arrange and learn and choreograph and block a completely new piece that sometimes some of us had never even heard before. So, tour was a lot of performing with songs that we knew and perfecting songs that we had already had in our repertoire and The Sing-Off just took us to a completely new level and brought us into a completely new phase where we were learning new pieces every week and arranging and being as innovative as possible.

Poptimal.com: You guys have done tours and won plenty of awards. What would winning The Sing-Off have meant for you?
Crockett: I think that the winning group gets two hundred thousand dollars and a Sony recording contract. That would have been amazing for us, to just reach more people and have more people listen to our music. And I think that as disappointed as we were to be eliminated and get voted off, I think that the great thing that happened because of The Sing-Off is that we were able to reach more people and the millions of people that wouldn’t have known us before now have heard the name Vocal Point and will continue to follow us and what we do. So, while yes we were disappointed in how we were eliminated, we were also very grateful because had we not had any chance to perform I don’t think that we’d be in the place that we are right now.

Poptimal.com:You guys seemed to have problems getting the choreography. Can you tell us how you finally managed to conquer that?
Hunsaker: We had to put in a lot of hours. We would stay up late and sometimes until one or two in the morning and get up as early as six or seven just to get the choreography into our heads. We don’t really move very naturally. McKay has probably more soul than all of the other of us.

Crockett: Oh, I don’t know about that.

Poptimal.com: You guys seemed to be one of the judges’ favorites. Were you surprised when you were ultimately eliminated?
Sterling: I think there was a little bit of a surprise for us because it was the first time we’d been on the chopping block, but at the same time you have to remember it’s narrowed down from 16 to the top 5. Every group brings their “A” game. Everyone put their best foot forward and we did realize that all it takes is one not-so-strong performance. Apparently our Temptations number just wasn’t enough to win over the judges’ minds and one person had to go home and unfortunately it was us. We were a little bummed about it…

Crockett: I would sure hate to be in the judges’ positions to have to make these tough decisions every week. Obviously everyone has their favorites and truthfully every group on The Sing-Off is incredibly talented. So to have to go into that meeting room or wherever they go to make those decisions on who to send home is just the most difficult thing. They’re kind of just doing what they have to do and I’m just grateful that I’m not one of them.

Poptimal.com: So what’s next for Vocal Point?
Sterling: Vocal Point is relatively new but every year Vocal Point continues to do something bigger and better than the year previous. After the opportunity The Sing-Off gave us, I think Vocal Point is going to take that further to a whole new level with the musicality and also the choreography.

Thank you, guys, for taking the time to speak with us.

And to watch the final four teams continue bring their a capella best watch The Sing-Off on Mondays at 8/7c on NBC.

Photos by Lewis Jacobs/NBC.

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