Dancing With the Stars Review: Semi-Finals Week Brings Sprained Ankle, No Hope, and A Boy Becoming a Man. . .

Well folks, here we are at Week 754 of DWTS, on Season 59. . .

What? That isn’t right? Oh. Sorry. I guess it just seems that way. Love this show, but honestly, is it ever NOT on the air? I think I remember about a month and 3 days last summer where it wasn’t airing. Maybe. In any case, it’s Semi-Finals Week, which means putting the remaining couples through as much physical torture as humanly possible with THREE dances in one night. That’s right – three!!! As if this wasn’t enough to send each contestant screaming to the hospital with various, inevitable injuries; this is also the week where the producers like to get the audience emotionally invested in the 4 remaining “stars” by showing tear-jerker video montages of their childhoods, family interviews, and what gives them the drive to succeed on the show.

The first two rounds of dancing consists of individual routines, with two couples performing the Samba, and two couples the Pasa Doble. In the second round, all four couples would dance to the Argentine Tango, the first dance of the competition where lifts are allowed. Finally, round three would be the Cha-Cha Relay, in which all four couples dance to portions of the same song in random sequence. Each couple is then scored by the judges for 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th place. The scores are tallied and added to the other two dance scores, and then all the scores are driven by camel to the Grand Canyon where they are burned in a ritual known as “score burning.” Then Tom Bergeron and Brooke Burke Charvey both do a traditional Riverdance jig over the remnants of score cards. In other words, the scores are supposedly so very important when combined with America’s votes, but we all know that’s total BS by now, right? Good. Now, let’s get to the dancing, because we haven’t even started yet, and I’m already freakin’ exhausted.

Hope “Woe Is Me” Snooze / Ike Turner:

Pasa Doble: Oh for the love of all things dance, would somebody put these two whiners out to pasture already? I am so over Hope and her “woe is me” act every. single. week. Waaah, the judges hate me. Waaaah, I’m not treated fairly. Waaah, let me roll my eyes for the hundredth time and keep acting like I’d rather be anywhere else but here. Oh, you are SUCH a victim, Hope! Get over yourself. Go stand in front of a net somewhere. You are annoying. Their dance was pretty good, but honestly, I just don’t care anymore. She looks like she is being dragged across the dance floor against her will, which, lets be honest, she probably IS with Ike Turner as her partner. These two are dysfunctional, uninteresting asshats. As they walked over to be judged, Hope had that sourpuss look on her face again. Horny Carrie Ann said she “nailed the character” (I bet you’d like to be nailed, Carrie Ann) and Bruno yelled that “control is just as important as energy.” Then he toppled over and landed on top of Len’s shiny Ben-Gay laden head.  After the somewhat low scores of 7/7/7, Brooke asked: “How does that feel? You seem disappointed Maks.” To which Maks replied very sarcastically: “No I’m sooo happy! Thank you everyone for everything you’ve ever did or said!” Bergeron retorted with: “Wow! It’s the new Stepford Maks!”

Argentine Tango: Before the dance, the producers made us sit through an emotional montage of Hope’s life story, including her and her siblings being “kidnapped” by their own father who was arrested and carted off to jail right in front of them. Years later, Hope and her dad reconnected when she found him on the street, homeless. During an important soccer tournament, her dad passed away, and she was taken out of the game as goalie. The next year, she came back strong to win the Gold Medal in the Olympics. This is all very touching and everything but I still don’t like her. This dance was much better. Good lines, lifts, and complicated, athletic movements. Len said: “Well done!” Bruno complimented Hope for “not looking like you wanted to kill Maks the whole time,” and Carrie Ann made a comment about the lift holds only to receive a condescending smile from Maks that she did not like. The scores were 8/8/8, and backstage, tension was high as Hope continued to whine by stating “from day one, they have wanted me off the show!” Yes, Hope. The whole show is one big, giant conspiracy against you! In fact, the whole WORLD hates you and wants you gone off planet Earth! It is ALL about YOU, Hope! All of it! Brooke Burke Charvey (which is French for “I don’t comprehend humor”) attempted to make a little joke by telling Maks and Hope that if they make it into the finals next week; there will be “seven dances. You will have seven dances. Can you handle that?” When not even the crickets responded, she repeated the awful joke a second time: “Seven times. Seven. Ha ha! Just kidding!” Wow. Move over Whitney Cummings! (No. Really. Please move over. Your show stinks.) Here comes the comic-stylings of Brooke Burke Charvey!

JR / Karina:

Pasa Doble: During rehearsals for the two dances, J.R. landed badly on his ankle and sprained it, as happens every single season to a minimum of 3 contestants. There is ALWAYS at LEAST one major injury, and then a few minor ones. I think the producers pour olive oil all over the rehearsal room floors the last few weeks of the show, just to make things interesting. In any case, this affected his performance, and while doing the Paso during the live show, he re-sprained it again. Len said “this was more Zero than Zorro,” while Carrie Ann said his “posture really suffered.” Bruno said a bunch of words that didn’t form a complete sentence. J.R. seemed pretty upset at himself for not doing better, and judges’ scores were 8/7/8.

Argentine Tango: Before the Tango, we went back in time to J.R.’s childhood where he was raised in Louisiana by only his mom and grandmother. Of course, the big story with J.R. is his days in the military/Army, and how he burned over half his body and face after hitting a landmine in a Humvee. He claims that no matter what, he always tries to have a positive attitude, and that has gotten him through the biggest challenges. This second dance went much better, and J.R. was able to get through it with higher scores and a great performance. Scores were 9/9/9, and Len said he felt “transported.” From where, his nursing home bed?

Rob / Cheryl:

Samba: Apparently this was “Everybody Loves Rob” week on DWTS, because this guy could do no wrong! Their Samba started out cheesy as hell, coming out on a float with maracas. But then it got much, much better. Fun, light, speedy, and filled with hip action; pointless Kardashian did his pointless family proud out there. Which must be an odd and unfamiliar feeling for Pointless Mom Kardashian, if you think about it. All of her children are famous for literally no reason, or for stupid things, like having sex on a videotape, for example. So when her son Rob is on this show, dancing his Kardashian ass off week after week, and actually accomplishing something, she found herself getting emotional in the audience. I think I saw a tear trying to form, but failing. She looked confused. “What is this I am feeling? What’s happening?” “It’s called pride. You are proud of your son,” an imaginary person I just made up might have responded to her. Bruce Jenner could have said this to her, but that’s not possible, since his mouth doesn’t open. Judges’ Scores were 10/9/9; his first 10 of the season. I wonder how that feels. Where the hell is Brooke?

Argentine Tango: In the backstory video for pointless Rob, they tried to make his life sound interesting by telling us how his sisters used to dress him up in women’s clothing as a kid. Okay then. Now I just feel bad for him. Rob tried to escape his dumb, annoying sisters by being best buddies with his dad. When Rob was 16, his dad was diagnosed with cancer, and died soon after. Apparently his dad wanted him to go to USC, which he did, and after graduating, did what exactly? I still don’t know. What does he do, other than appear on that dumb Kardashian reality crap? You know that pointless Mom had to be interviewed in the video about Rob, and she said that watching her son on the show has been like “watching him go from a boy, to a man.” Gross. In any case, the judges loved his second dance too, and his scores were 9/9/9.

Ricki / Derek:

Samba: Although they looked like a couple of canaries out there, the dance was excellent. Fun, light, fast as hell, and looked like a total blast. Lately, whenever Ricki dances, I get this weird smile on my face and I feel almost proud of her, like I know her in person or something. It’s very strange. I always root for her and hope she does well. Maybe it’s because she always looks SO happy to get great scores; jumping up and down and really seeming genuinely surprised that she did that well. Len, after just last week saying he would not give her a perfect score until she fixed her shoulder problem, loved the dance and gave her that ten after all. In fact, so did all the judges! 10/10/10, and they screamed and yelped like giddy teenagers. So cute.

Argentine Tango: In her backstory, Ricki talked of being molested in her own home as a little kid, and then spending years coping with it by using food and gaining weight. The audition and role in Hairspray changed her life, as did the Ricki Lake Show, and her very hard divorce. The second dance was sharp, gorgeous, and quite frankly, one of my very favorite dances of the entire season. I loved the choreography and the sharpness of the movements. Len agreed; saying “I don’t think you know how good that was.”

Cha-Cha Relay:

In 4th place was Hope and Maks (their reaction? Rolling of the eyes). In 3rd place was J.R. and Karina. In 2nd place was Ricki and Derek, and in 1st place was Rob and Cheryl. These scores were added onto each couples totals, then thrown into a well, never to be seen again.

RESULTS SHOW:

The show began with showing us some clips from backstage at the show the night before and they started with Hope and Maks. Several clips showed them acting like whiny victims once again. Hope’s reaction to her three 7′s in the first dance? “They can kiss my booty!” Apparently, she thought her second dance was genius, because she had quite the attitude about the 8′s that she received, complaining: “Whatever. Nobody can do what we did out there. So give us your little 8′s. . .whatever.” They also showed a clip of Maks and Hope walking over to the judges, right before being scored. She whispered into his ear: “F**k them. I don’t even wanna look at them.” Please get over yourself, lady.

A couple of great performances took place on the show. First up was the Macy’s Design a Dance, where viewers chose the pro dancers, costumes, and music. Well, the viewers wanted to see Ana Trabunskaya dance with Derek Hough to Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance.” It was pretty awesome. Even more awesome was a cute and bubbly song and dance number by The Muppets, promoting their new Muppet movie, coming out November 23rd.

Finally, we were told which couple would be going home. Do I have to even tell you? Probably not. HOPE AND MAKS!!!! Finally!!!! All I have to say is GOOD RIDDANCE!

Season 13, Episode 16 and 17 (originally aired November 14 and 15, 2011)

For more on Dancing With the Stars, click here.

Dancing With the Stars airs Mondays at 8/7c; Results on Tuesdays at 9/8c on ABC.

Photographs courtesy of ABC and Adam Taylor.

Glee Review: It Was A Monster Mash Off

This week’s episode of Glee was pure fun. At first, it all seemed silly and light. Will and Shelby decided to hold the first McKinley mash off now that the Troubletones filled out with random, dancing cheerleaders. The “friendly,” feuding glee clubs battled it out in a game of dodgeball as tensions rose that quickly needed some diffusion. The campaign race raged on between Sue and Burt for that congressional seat. Puck got to rock out hard while flirting and showing his softer side. And the music, oh the music, was just an exciting, entertainment riot. Will people finally get behind me in the fact that Glee is slowly but surely returning to season one form?! However, it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows with some serious bullying and backstabbing.

Puck’s got it bad for his new love Shelby, and he makes it clear with “Hot for Teacher,” though I don’t think her substituting his class truly made him focus any less. That boat sailed a long time ago. Yet the number took me completely by surprise which was the best part. It’s hard to remember the last time Glee did that for me.  We also discovered that Blaine can somewhat keep up with dancing Mike, and that’s another first at least from a male glee member perspective.

Shortly after, we were treated to the tame return of Sue. Anyone else not buying that her “dirty” campaign commercials wouldn’t be much more scathing than claiming Burt’s angioplasty was really a baboon heart transplant or that he possibly married a donkey? Still, fairly funny. Will worried that running a clean campaign will lose them the race, but Emma in her completely absurd lemon meringue of a night gown was there to remind him to take the high road. Kurt, on the other hand, had no problem letting Sue know how he felt, and he wasn’t happy that 20% of voters actually believed the baboon heart fib. But Sue said she fights dirty because she’s fighting for something. She urged him to start “poo flinging” and get a cause since his clean campaign is sinking him, before Kurt stormed out in dramatic fashion.

In the teacher’s lounge, Will and Shelby proved that the clubs can rise above and not get ugly, especially with Sectionals approaching. By deciding to do a “Mash Off,” the two hoped that World War Glee could be avoided. As the leader of New Directions, Finn was primed to not break each other down, but Santana had other plans and throwing insult after insult seemed way more inspiring. Luckily, they shut up long enough to let Will and Shelby kill a Lady Gaga/Eddie Rabbit “You and I” mash up. One of Glee’s better sung, smartly incorporated adult-focused numbers. The number was so hot in fact, that Puck pushed full steam ahead with pursuing Shelby. He’s hot, she’s hot and Beth needs a dad were his thoughts. Why not get together? Shelby said it was a mistake and she could lose her job, but her eyes and body language said the truth. And I say, why the hell not?! Look at Puck. And he’s an adult at 18 so it’s totally legal. She won’t be able to hold off for long.

With each club on a new mission, Will looked to his members to pick good songs to smash together and potentially mangle if they picked the wrong one. Everyone threw out some good ideas, but Finn reminded them that all those bands had broken up, and they needed to select a group that actually stayed together for the long hall. Cue Hall & Oates, those guys with the “cool, puffy hair” and that one dude with the awesome ‘stache, they can help the group feel and stay united. Finn even suggested that Rory take part of the lead, even though at first it appeared he was offering it to Blaine. Blaine was adorably supportive, as well.

Walking the halls, Quinn vented to Puck of her frustrations that Child Protective Services haven’t raided Shelby’s apartment and taken Beth. We know and Puck knows that there’d be nothing to find any longer, but he still seems unable to let Quinn go fully and is toting a fine line. To get closer, Quinn told Shelby she’d like to join the Troubletones, but Shelby smartly hesitated even if I have no view into why since everyone else was welcomed with open arms. Very keen though, because Puck later warned her that Quinn wanted to discredit her as a mother to get Beth back and apologized. So when Quinn dropped by her apartment, Shelby quickly drew a line in the sand no matter how many shallow insults Quinn threw at her. Quinn was to no longer be a part of Beth’s life (hopefully until she grows up and finds herself and can accept that Shelby is her mother) and kicked her out. She may have been sharp in that moment, but then she was warm, being a supportive biological mother to Rachel, saying yes when she was asked to sign a recommendation letter for NYADA, helping her now to make up for some of the inequities of their relationship in the past. She was also completely earnest in how in awe she was of Rachel’s many accomplishments.

Elsewhere in school, the bromance between Rory and Finn continued to grow. Rory pledged to support his new friend against Santana, but Finn thought it could be settled with dodgeball. What a game it was. The Troubletones annihilated New Directions. There was barely any contest since Santana was so prepared to bring those claws out. They even pelted Rory for no reason who wasn’t even the last person standing after they won, compelling Kurt to liken the game to a modern version of stoning that should be abolished. (New cause!)

After seeing how quickly the Troubletones had turned into bullies, Mercedes stepped up as president of the group, demanding to only fight fair moving forward and bringing the idea of a great Adele mash up to the table. Santana agreed in the end and went to apologize to Finn.

“At some point I must have liked that you look like a taco addict who’s had one too many liposuctions. (To Rory: Please stick a sock in it or ship yourself back to Scotland. I’m trying to apologize to Lumps the Clown.) …. I am sorry, Finn. I’m sorry that the New Directions are gonna get crushed by the Troubletones. Sorry that you have no talent. Sorry that you sing like you’re getting your prostate checked. And you dance like you’ve been asleep for years and someone just woke you up. Have fun riding on Rachel’s coattails for the rest of your life, although–you know what? I would just watch out for her come holiday time, if I were him, cause if I were her, I’d stick a stent in one of those boobs and let the Finn blubber light the Hanukkah lamp for eight magical nights.”

Sweet. right? Did Finn go low when he called her out in the hall for not being honest about her own sexuality and feelings for Brittany when the whole school was not ignorant to them? Yes. I do not condone outing folks, but he’d been pushed to brink and really felt her hypocrisy. At least during the core of his rant, no one seemed like anyone was even paying attention. Or was someone?! At least Finn’s a part of an interesting storyline!

Next up were school speeches for president. “Rick the Stick,” the bullying hockey player, got some vocal cheers from his stick-toting peers. Brittany had the whole auditorium, even Becky, on their feet for promising to save the school from tornadoes and going topless on Tuesday. Kurt was himself, honest about wanting to make a change. And Rachel redeemed herself by dropping out of the race, realizing with Shelby’s help that she already had so much to brag about to NYADA and asking the student body to back her friend Kurt instead. He was the only one who never went dirty. Finally, their awesome friendship is back on track. I also love that Burt was in the audience to support his son.

New Directions won the option to show their mash up off first. It wasn’t too thrilling, but everyone looked like they were having a good time which made me smile. Still, they were no contest against the Troubletones. Earlier, I knew something was up when Sue, Will and Burt are all in one room and not screaming. The three wanted to be present to soften the blow of some harsh news. Apparently, another congressional candidate put up a mean commercial targeting Sue and her support of a lesbian head cheerleader. His niece, a McKinley student, had overheard the conversation between Santana and Finn. This fueled her powerful lead during the Troubletones mash up. Not only did she look beautiful with those lashes but she looked as pained as she did when she ran out of Sue’s office, crying that she hadn’t even told her parents. It looked like she could get out those emotions through song, but after seeing Finn whisper to Rachel at the end of the performance, Santana lost it. Though they both confirmed he’d only said how good the group was, she was indignant about not believing him and slapped him. Fade to black!

I know for some the melodrama is too much, but I can never get enough when they balance the drama with a hard teen reality and surreal song and dance numbers. This week’s episode did that. So are you with me now? Doesn’t Naya Rivera need more love as Santana continually shines brighter every week? Is it possible to ever get sick of Adele? Sound off!

THE SONGS
“Hot for Teacher” originally by Van Halen. Sung by Puck, Mike, Blaine and Finn. A-
“You and I” originally by Lady Gaga / “You and I” originally by Eddie Rabbit. Sung by Shelby and Will. A-
“Hit Me With Your Best Shot” originally by Pat Benatar / “One Way or Another” originally by Blondie. Sung by New Directions and the Troubletones. B
“You Make My Dreams Come True” / “I Can’t Go for That” originally by Hall & Oates. Sung by Finn, Rory, Tina, Quinn and New Directions. B
“Rumour Has it” / “Someone Like You” originally by Adele. Sung by Mercedes, Santana and the Troubletones  A

QUOTABLES

• “Don’t judge me, I’m 18. It’s legal. Besides, the age difference isn’t that crazy. Just look at Ashton and Demi, Indiana Jones and Ally McBeal, Woody Allen and that Chinese girl. ” – Puck
• “A vote for Brittany is a vote for root beer water fountains and robot teachers. … And also, listen. Rachel Berry’s still on MySpace, and thus unfit to lead. ” – Brittany
• “Oh and guys, go get some moist towels. We have to keep Finn wet before we can roll him back in the sea. ” – Santana
• “Rachel, your mustache is thicker than a Middle Eastern dictator’s.” – Santana
• Finn: “Hey, Santana. You look like an assless J. Lo. ”
  Rory: “You’re skinny like all the crops failed on your family’s farm.”
  Santana: “That is the lamest thing I didn’t understand a word of.”
• “I’m from Lima Heights. I was raised on insults. It’s how mi abuela put me to sleep at night, and she is not a nice lady. You know she tried to sell me once? And it wasn’t ’til I got to kindergarten that I learned my name wasn’t Garbage Face. ” – Santana
• Brittany comparing how good Adele sings with how good banana cream pie sings.
• Brittany: “I think you need to stop making fun of Finn. You’re being really harsh. ”
  Santana: “Manatees have really thick skin.”
• “I set the tone for this campaign. And now it appears my slanderous chickens have come home to roost. ” – Sue

For more on this episode, check out Playing Dirty by Alana D.

Season 3, Episode 6: “Mash Off” (Originally aired November 15, 2011)

Glee airs Tuesdays at 8 ET/PT on Fox.

Images by Adam Rose, Frank Micelotta/FOX.

Gossip Girl Review: Masked Men

I was really looking forward to this week’s Gossip Girl.  It was highly hyped, mostly for featuring the show Sleep No More and for being this year’s masquerade, but after last week’s episode, which was so good, I was a bit disappointed.

Let’s start with the bad and then work our way up to the good.

First there’s Dan, who I was really growing to like.  But now he is referring to his book – his New York Times Bestselling book (even if it didn’t hit number one) as a “failure.”  He’s mopey if only a few people show up to his signings, and he’s flaking out on his tour because of this.  UGH!  Okay, I’m a novelist, my books have never hit the bestseller list, and yes, sometimes not many people show up my signings, but I am far from being a “failure.” Get over it Danny Boy – this is not failure; this is just part of being a writer.  You’re not going to be a celebrity!  So get your act together!  Which is basically what Rufus tells him, thank God. I want Dan back on the track to me loving him again.

Then there’s Charlie/Ivy. Week after week Diana threatens to out her for who she really is, and this week she does it again.  Charlie tries to fend off Nate, but Nate likes her, and Diana likes Nate.  You can guess where this is going.  Diana tells Charlie/Ivy to stay away from Nate, but he won’t leave her alone.  So during the performance of Sleep No More, Diana gets a masked Charlie/Ivy to kiss a masked man she tells her is Nate (part of Diana’s supposed plan to help him get over Charlie? This part made no sense.)  But the masked dude isn’t Nate, it’s actually Ivy’s boyfriend who is in town. Now Nate thinks Charlie has a boyfriend and Diana can win him back.  Honestly, I zoned out during most of this plotline. It’s all been done already.

Speaking of Diana and her scheming, she wants Serena to work for her, and she’ll use some manipulation to make it happen.  She convinces Serena to combat Gossip Girl by writing about the Upper East Side from a first hand, straight from the mouth angle.  Serena is hesitant, but after a few mean Gossip Girl blasts, planted by Diana, she’s in.

Serena is also crushing on Ivy’s boyfriend whom she just so happens to meet on the street. As a New Yorker, let me just say that the likelihood of this is so slim its funny, but whatever. I rolled with it.  If Serena pursues him, we might actually see some real drama happen in the Charlie/Ivy world instead of just constant threats.

Now, let’s get to the only truly interesting storyline of the week.

Chuck is being a good person, finally.  He’s got a new therapist, he’s doing philanthropic work, and he’s changing his ways. But Blair doesn’t believe it. She’s convinced that it’s all just an act to win her back. (She’s so cute when she’s being self-absorbed!)  So during the Sleep No More performance, she corners Chuck and tries to seduce him, hoping to prove he’s still the same old selfish guy. After she lures him in a bit, he finally kisses her, and she rewards him with a slap. She knew it! It had all just been a game!

Or had it?

Later, Chuck tells Nate that he kissed Blair knowing that she’d only move on if she thought he was bad. The kiss hadn’t been selfish at all, but selfless.  Chuck still loves her, but he’s also willing to let her go.  Man, I love him. I loved Bad Chuck, but Good Chuck is strangely compelling as well!

Over all, this episode lacked on plot. Sleep No More was a cool piece to add, but it just didn’t live up to the hype the producers made about this episode.  Chuck and Blair’s story was great and funny with a touch of heart, but the rest felt overdone and weak.  Let’s hope next week improves.

Best Storyline: Chuck’s reform and letting Blair go.
Worst Storyline: Dan’s book “failing.”  Spare me.
Want to See More Of: Monkey, Chuck’s dog. SO CUTE!
Want to See Less Of: Whiney Dan.  I want Cool Dan back.

Season 5, Episode 7: The Big Sleep No More (original air date November 14, 2011)

Gossip Girl airs Mondays at 8/7c on the CW.

Images courtesy of Giovanni Rufino and The CW.

The Amazing Race Review: OMG BUNNIES!

This week saw the departure of Laurence and Zac. They were hit with a double U-Turn this week (karma) and got lost trying to find the Pit Stop. The Amazing Race gave them a quick send off, no tears or speeches, just a “Thank you for playing.”

You might remember them from my other reviews, in which I complained about the narcissistic, sexist blowhard Laurence and his son Zac (who’s only problem is he pronounces Amani’s name Armani). I was happy to see them go, as I prefer the teams that don’t have Laurence in them.

That’s how the episode ended. Here’s how it began.

The show starts off on the beaches of Lake Malawi. The first five minutes seem like a video postcard for the Sunbird Livingstonia resort. But the Race has had enough of Africa, and is sending the teams to Copenhagen, Denmark. Surprisingly, this is the first time in Race history they have been to Copenhagen.

Flying from Malawi to Denmark isn’t easy so the teams are given secured flights. If they choose, they can try and find something quicker and arrive earlier. All the teams decide to book different, better flights except for Marcus and Amani who do nothing but sleep. For some silly reason they assumed everyone will be on the secured flight.  While they rest in a Malawi airport all the other teams are arrive in Copenhagen. Even though the route marker at a whimsical bell tower told the teams to wait until it opens in the morning, I still thought one of my favorite teams was down for the count with well over an hour difference.

For the first time this season a team was noticeably behind the pack, with a time gap that would be hard to make up. But this is Marcus and Amani we are talking about, and as Amani says they are the “comeback kids” and they seem to perform better while in last place.

The teams climb a bell tower to find a flag and banner that spell out their next destination, which just so happens to be a gorgeous castle straight out of a fairytale. Jeremy and Sandy actually missed the banner telling them which castle to go to and end up going to some random one in the city, which gave Marcus and Amani time to catch up.

The Roadblock at the castle has a team member dress in Renaissance attire and learn a traditional dance. This means the men wear tights and everybody puts on make-up. They learn the dance moves and then perform in a ballroom filled with costumed guests.

While waiting for his wife Cathi to dance, (who looks pretty good in her Renaissance get-up) Bill tells the story of how they met. They were 12 and 13, in middle school, and dated for eight years. Once they graduated college they got married.  Ma and Pa cannot get much cuter than that. Cindy tells him she and Ernie met in a bar (aka The Internet).

It turns out everybody is pretty light on their feet, except for Zac. He struggles learning the steps and takes the longest to complete the Roadblock. Dad Laurence, a little out of character, exercises patience, being supportive of him.

It’s nice to see that he’s not a total ass.

That is until he later told the camera “It would have suited me better, I used to be the front man in a rock and roll band, you know.”  Laurence follows it up with his catchphrase “I would have done it quicker.” Right, of course you would have Laurence.

After some dancing in a castle, the teams get a clue that leads them to the Detour. They can either choose “All Churned Out” and churn some of the most delicious butter in the world or “Hopped Up” and build a steeplechase course for rabbits and then run a bunny though the course.

Why most teams don’t pick the bunnies is beyond me. They’re way too cute and  the teams that did had a great time.

Bunnies!

Amani and Marcus are the only team to choose the rabbits, mostly because the others don’t want to deal with animals. Marcus becomes the rabbits’ biggest cheerleader as they hop through the course. He even gives one bunny a little pre-game pep talk, which totally seemed to work.

After quickly churning some butter, Ernie and Cindy, who have been in first this entire time, come across the Double U-Turn. Last week they chose to not U-Turn anybody and eventually got beat by the snowboarders in a sprint to the Pit Stop. Cindy’s not having that happen again, deciding to U-turn Ma and Pa, who were in second place.

Ma and Pa, to ensure they aren’t the only ones U-Turned, do it to Laurence and Zac. Both teams have to do the bunny race, which Bill and Cathi actually enjoy (told ya), and they still end up checking in second place anyway.

There are times when a team should use a U-Turn, but I don’t think Cindy and Ernie should have done it here.  Teams are reluctant to use them because is causes problems with another team that could aid you later in the race. You don’t want to be racing against a team that might purposefully try and screw you over. Furthermore why did they want to use it on Ma and Pa who are twice their age? They aren’t going to outrun the young engaged couple at the Pit stop. The Snowboarders were shocked (as was I) that nobody used it on them since they’ve won five legs of the race. It made more sense to use it on Andy and Tommy.

The U-Turn didn’t provide a very large time gap either as the roadblocks were relatively easy. Ernie didn’t even want to do it because he didn’t see the point. Cindy just wanted to be first. I don’t even think it was for the Travelocity trip to Fiji. Cindy was tired of not being first and felt she was robbed last time because she didn’t use the U-Turn. She thought she was entitled. There is a saying that for some people certainty is more important than morality. I think it applies in this case. Cindy wanted to be certain they were first to check in, and they were. I don’t think it was worth it.

The rest of the episode is mostly just teams getting lost. At one point Sandy claims to know where they are, but then Jeremy drives off in the wrong direction. As I have said before, Jeremy and Sandy probably shouldn’t be dating. They are lost for so long that they end up last at the Detour just as Laurence and Zac finish up their second task and leaving towards the Pit Stop. It seems like Jeremy and Sandy are getting booted off this week, BUT THEN Laurence and Zac get lost, FOR TWO HOURS.

The first team to check in was Ernie and Cindy, followed by Cathi and Bill, Andy and Tommy, Marcus and Amani and then Sandy and Jeremy. Laurence and Zac are the last to check in and Phil is sorry to tell them that “you have been eliminated from the Race.”

The best quotes of the episode all come from Marcus, as he breaks it down for us.

Now that the team I didn’t like is no longer in the race, I’m not quite sure who I want to win because I was just rooting against them. They all have their good points and they all deserve it. Who are you rooting for?

For another take on this episode, see “No Rest For the Weary” by Keshaunta Moton.

Season 19, Episode 8 “Super Shady” (original airdate November 13, 2011)

The Amazing Race airs Sunday nights at 8/7c on CBS

Images courtesy of Robert Voets and CBS Broadcasting.

The Walking Dead Review: Hershel, Your Barn Door’s Open

The second season of AMC’s hit zombie thriller The Walking Dead has proved an arduous endeavor for fans of both the series and comic book source material alike, as the fledgling narrative structure and stale character development amidst relatively ho-hum undead action positions the series’ artistic integrity at a tipping point. Luckily, Sunday’s wholly engaging installment, “Chupacabra,” steered the show in a more favorable direction as the storyline progressions seemed to acknowledge many viewers’ concerns while also making genuine headway in the motley crew’s continuing plight. Building tension between farmhouse patriarch Hershel and dutiful sheriff Rick is helping set a nice tone for the inevitable conflict to occur between both groups of survivors, particularly when Hershel’s secret stash of walkers becomes common knowledge. The news of Lori’s pregnancy still hangs in the balance as she continues to keep mum and wring her hands over how to handle the ambiguous paternity, an issue Rick may or may not be already aware of. Shane’s reaction, however, is of the most concern given his escalating descent into what Rick seems to consider complete sociopathic pathology; plenty of viewers, however, are certainly cheering Shane’s no-frills approach, his eagerness to call off the bumbling search for Sophia a sentiment shared by many. The highlight and literary core of the episode, however, rests solely on the shoulders of Daryl Dixon, a character who’s managed to truly evolve amidst a group of people very adept at running in metaphorical circles. While the rest of the gang struggle in the face of post-apocalyptic turmoil, Daryl has turned the experience into an opportunity to examine his character and add palpable depth to aspects of his personality formerly devoted to crossbows and squirrel hunting. Now, those things take on an entirely new, far more urgent meaning as his walkabout in the woods both illustrates an inner discord between his former and current life and mirrors the external strife boiling among the rest of the group. With the exception of the increasingly cantankerous Hershel and his medical skills, Daryl seems to be the only one getting things done around here.

The episode opens with a flashback to the outskirts of post-outbreak Atlanta, plenty of uninfected humans still roaming the highway, frustrated at what initially seems like the worst traffic jam in American history. Rick is still comatose in the hospital and Shane has already taken the reins of fatherly presence, as Sophia (perhaps we needed to be reminded what she looked like) tells Carl his dad seems nice. “Shane’s not my dad,” Carl quietly corrects her. “My dad’s dead.” Another welcome refresher course takes place when Carol offers some MREs to hungry Carl, until her jerk husband reprimands her generosity. Oh, right, that’s why Carol’s so…Carol all the time. A much-needed reinforcing explanation of her meek and helpless demeanor allows for some actual sympathy to generate for Carol, until now perhaps the most annoying character on the series besides trigger-happy Andrea. Shane and Lori trot off the beaten path to peek at the Atlanta skyline when a trio of napalm-wielding helicopters zooms toward the metropolis. As plumes of smoke and flames envelop the city, the escalating circumstances surrounding the characters’ unknown future nicely balances their visible sheer terror – and the zombies haven’t even shown up yet.

The stunning dystopia unfolding in the episode’s prologue provides stark contrast to the opening scene in which Lori and Carol hang laundry in the Greene’s front yard. A major theme accompanying “Chupacabra,” and the series as a whole, seems to be the juxtaposition of what life was like before the epidemic, and how the characters have adjusted in the face of such dire straits. In many ways human nature remains consistent and even mundane household chores are still present in everyday life, but Walking Dead manages to acknowledge this anomaly with more apparent success in “Chupacabra” than in earlier attempts this season. Although Sophia remains at large, Rick and Shane’s conversation in the woods marks an important point in what is hopefully the show’s transition into more productive narrative efforts. As they comb the forest, typical guy talk about former girlfriends and high school glory days depict Rick and Shane as the buddies they’ve always been, until the conversation takes a turn toward the unfortunate task at hand. As police officers, Shane points out, he and Rick would have changed their search logistics after this length of time and accepted that the odds of finding Sophia alive are grim. “72 hours, and then you’re looking for a body,” Shane succinctly quips. “And that was before.” Although the aftermath of Shane’s controversial decision to sacrifice Otis still lingers, the most obvious repercussions – aside from his newly shorn scalp – appear to be his firm stance on doing what’s best for the group regardless of any emotional factors. Perhaps his guilt over killing Otis for the sake of saving Carl, for whom he has an undeniable attachment, has forced him to adopt a more sterile approach, but Shane is clearly having trouble escaping his decision as he insists to Rick that “nostalgia is like a drug … it’s hard enough to accept what’s happened without digging up the past.” Rick, of course, thinks Shane is still talking about their old P.E. teacher Ms. Kelly.

Daryl, meanwhile, has set out on a solo search that initially provokes little concern, until a snake spooks his horse and Daryl tumbles down the bluffside, impaling himself with his own arrow. The writers had apparently picked up on the inevitable growing appeal of Daryl’s character over the course of the season before it even aired, having wisely devoted much of this episode to his injury-induced vision quest. Keeping with the episode’s theme, Daryl’s past also comes back to haunt him – this time in the form of his older brother Merle, whom we last saw chained to a rooftop grate in season one. Merle’s fever dream appearance gives Daryl a basis of comparison with which to examine the man he used to be and now is, as the zombie outbreak and loss of his sibling has forced him to become more independent and self-assured in the midst of his developing emotional dexterity. Daryl’s hallucination of Merle is both startlingly realistic and dreamlike, in that the goading nature of his older brother fills dual roles of tough love motivation and antagonizing subconscious, bookending the chasm of Daryl’s dilemma: how he’s dealing with his burgeoning feelings of duty for his fellow survivors, and how the hell he’s going to get back up that cliff with an arrow jutting out of his abdomen. There’s also time for general badassery in the midst of all this existentialism, as Daryl awakens from his conversation with Merle to blow away two walkers: one with a nasty skull crushing, and the other by pulling the arrow (apparently his last one) out of his body (!) and using it to shoot a leering zombie through the eye socket (!!). Awesome. Daryl celebrates his marksmanship and amazing survival instincts by snacking on raw squirrel guts and wearing the ears of his undead victims around his neck as a badge of honor, Heart of Darkness style. With some added motivation from Merle, Daryl makes his way out of the ravine and toward the farm.

Hershel’s growing resentment toward his new tenants is reaching a breaking point, as he raises concern over Rick’s failure to communicate certain aspects of their search plans. “I’ll control my people,” Hershel curtly proposes, “and you’ll control yours.” All righty, then. When Hershel later spies Lori, Carol, Patricia and Maggie in the kitchen preparing dinner for the whole gang, he warns his daughter “not to get too close to these people … they’re not going to be around forever.” In fact, he can’t help but note it’s a “wonder” they’ve survived this long (HA!), in the episode’s most markedly meta line of dialogue. He has a point. As Daryl schleps his way toward the house, Andrea spies him from a couple hundred yards away and instantly thinks he’s a walker. Dale had already made fun of her “Annie Oakley routine,” complete with cowboy hat and rifle (good grief), but her seriousness about taking down their mystery guest with a sadly unrealistic grasp of her weapon raises alarm with Shane and Rick, who plead her not to shoot. Indeed, as they approach the barely-upright Daryl and realize who he is, their initial relief is shattered when Andrea fires her gun anyway and nearly ruins the most promising aspect of the entire show. The writers wisely keep Daryl only knocking at death’s door and not walking through it, the bullet having merely grazed his temple. “Don’t be too hard on yourself,” Dale offers to a mortified Andrea. “We’ve all wanted to shoot Daryl.” Is this the same guy who’d, up until last week, forbidden Andrea to be in the same room as a gun, much less joke about her accidentally shooting their comrade? Dale’s levity in the situation is rather awkward and uncharacteristic, considering his past stance on Andrea’s unstable state of mind.

Even more awkward is the palpable silence taking place at dinner, as the tension between Hershel’s family and our bumbling group grows thicker. Glenn tries to lift everyone’s spirits by asking if anyone knows how to play guitar, since Dale found him “an awesome one,” but Patricia’s quiet response, “Otis did,” puts the kibosh on that conversation. “He was quite good, too,” Hershel adds. Oh, boy. Glenn and Maggie, relegated to the kids’ table, start passing notes to each other about the location of their next tryst. Maggie spies her dad sternly looking in their general direction, however, and doesn’t read Glenn’s response until after the dishes are done. “Ever done it in a hayloft?” seems like an innocent enough suggestion, until Maggie’s wide-eyed reaction reminds viewers that the hayloft is in the mysterious barn (the BARN!) Hershel has fiercely, albeit cryptically, kept off-limits. Maggie runs to intercept Glenn, but he’s already uncovered the Greene’s secret. A horde of staggering walkers lumbers throughout the padlocked barn, being kept “alive,” so to speak, for as-yet unknown reasons. “You weren’t supposed to see that,” Maggie sheepishly says.

Despite most viewers seeing this development coming from a mile away, it packs far more punch than the “shocking” (or not) revelation of Lori’s pregnancy from last week. Hershel’s dark secret provides a litany of possible motivations and further exploration into the ethical morass the survivors’ situation has put them in, adding to the already-crippling guilt encompassing Shane. Lori’s conundrum does add to the theme of the past colliding with the present, as her affair with Shane has resulted in unwelcome circumstances she fears having to explain to her husband. The only ones who seem to have used their tragic circumstances in a positive manner are Daryl and, surprisingly, Carol, who seems to have been lifted from her doldrums even as her daughter remains missing. As for the rest, Rick perhaps said it best when he tells Lori that he’s “maybe holding on to a way of thinking that doesn’t make sense anymore.” Judging from Walking Dead’s most successful episode of the season so far, it seems as though the writers have made this realization as well.

What did you think of this week’s Walking Dead? Regardless of what the comic book lore tells us, why is Hershel keeping walkers in his barn? Who are they? Will Merle eventually materialize for real and not just in Daryl’s subconscious? Does finding Sophia’s doll mean anything? Will Glenn ever be able to talk about Maggie without a shit-eating grin on his face? Will almost killing Daryl cure Andrea of her ridiculous gun obsession? Are you hoping to never hear another ignorant conversation about the women’s menstrual cycles again? Post your thoughts in the comment section below!

Season 2, Episode 5: Chupacabra (original air date November 13, 2011)

The Walking Dead airs Sunday nights at 9/8c on AMC.

Images courtesy of Gene Page/AMC.

The Amazing Race Review: No Rest for the Weary

On this week’s episode of The Amazing Race, the teams travel to Copenhagen, Denmark where Bill and Cathi find themselves shackled with a U-turn, Amani and Marcus make a critical error, and Jeremy and Sandy take the scenic route as the top six teams narrow down to become the top five continuing on in the race for $1,000,000.

We start off with the teams preparing for the next leg. Andy/Tommy are the first team to leave and go to the airport since they were the first to arrive at the pit stop. Since last week’s win was their fifth so far, Andy/Tommy tell us that the other teams have not been so friendly of late as they start to see them more and more as competitors. And that’s probably true, more so for Cindy/Ernie. Coming just shy of the win last week, Cindy/Ernie are regretting not using the U-turn on Andy/Tommy. Cindy promises that they’ll be more thoughtful of U-turns from now on.

Although the teams are all booked on the same 8:20 a.m. flight to Denmark, they are all welcome to catch an earlier flight if they can find one. Bill/Cathi are the first to book a flight out that night arriving at 11 p.m. They tell Ernie/Cindy about it and they book the same as well. Andy/Tommy and Jeremy/Sandy also book an earlier flight for 10:40 p.m. While waiting for their flight, Ernie/Cindy meet up with Laurence/Zac and ask about their travel arrangements. Laurence/Zac are very tight lipped about their plans and it is with good reason. Choosing the departure point of London, Laurence/Zac believe they can have more flexibility in flight schedules. This pays off as the team is the first to land in London at 8:30pm, hours before the other teams are due to arrive.

Little good the head start does them, as Laurence/Zac get to the next stop to find out that it doesn’t open until 7:30 in the morning giving the other teams time to catch up. Which, indeed, they do. Well that is all of them except for Amani/Marcus. While the other teams have been booking alternative flights, Amani/Marcus chose to relax in the airport certain that every other team is staying put on the 8:20 flight as well. This couldn’t be further from the truth. By the time they’re leaving, the other teams are already gearing up for the task. Amani/Marcus remain clueless about their position in the race until morning comes and they notice that they are waiting alone for this flight. Marcus seems especially put out about their poor judgment. He thinks they’re out of the race, but Amani says that even if they are they have to keep going.

The teams arrive at Frederiksberg Slog, a castle, for the next challenge. Here the teams have to dress up in period costume and learn a three part dance routine before they get their next clue. Cindy, Cathi and Andy all excel at this challenge, Andy in particular earning compliments from his instructors. Who knew the snowboarder had the moves? On the complete opposite side of the spectrum, Zac, poor dear, has a horrible time at this task because he can’t get the moves right and is still busy practicing while the other three teams move ahead of them.

Because Jeremy/Sandy went to the wrong castle and had to turn around to get the right clue, Amani/Marcus catch up with them. Jeremy/Sandy arrive first and are there just as Zac finishes the challenge. Amani/Marcus arrive at the task and for a while the two men commiserate over the tough times they’re having this leg. With Jeremy’s team getting lost, while Marcus’ team had that ill-advised rest period. They are the last two teams at the challenge and the girls get through the dances quickly, Sandy finishing slightly before Amani.

For the next challenge, the teams had to choose between two tasks: Hopped Up or Churned Up. In Churned Up, the teams have to make butter by pounding the crap out of cream. This task requires a whole lot of physical endurance and upper arm strength. Five of the six teams choose this task, and for the most part they’re all excellent butter makers. Coming from the farm, I would have thought that Cathi would be better at this task, but as it is Cindy and Ernie smoke past Ma and Pa who have to redo some of their sticks. This grants Ernie/Cindy just enough cushion in their lead as they head to the Double U-Turn. Ernie is surprised when Cindy tells him that they will be U-Turning Bill/Cathi. Ernie says that this is not the way that he wanted to play the game, but Cindy tells him that they needed this win.

I’m willing to give the overachieving Cindy the benefit of the doubt; perhaps she thinks that they really did need this enough to potentially put the team who helped them previously out of the race. I personally think it’s dirty to use the U-Turn unless you’re in danger of being eliminated, and even then it leaves a sour taste in the mouth. Bill and Cindy probably know all about this sour taste as when they see their faces plastered on the U-Turn they turn back angrily to do the other task; but not before first U-Turning Laurence/Zac. I don’t fault them for this move. This is partly because they’re in a tough position and partly because I like Ma and Pa/don’t like Laurence. I forgive them almost immediately. So, Bill/Cathi and Laurence/Zac head over to do the next task, Hopped Up.

In Hopped Up, the teams had to build an obstacle course for a rabbit, and then choose one of the rabbits on the sidelines and run the course with him. Bill/Cathi set up their course first but after their first rabbit (which they ironically name Hopper) seems a little sluggish at the gates, the two switch it up and go for another whom they name Speckles. Speckles is a much faster hopper than Hopper and they get through this task quickly. Amani/Marcus choose this task as well. Choosing the rabbit that jumped up as they passed Marcus/Amani seem to have a strong affinity for their temporary teammate. Marcus gives the rabbit a pep talk and then stands on the sidelines yelling and jumping like a madman in excitement as the rabbit quickly goes through the course. At the end of the task, Marcus is ready to pronounce his love for Mr. Robunny Rabbit (my name for him, not theirs).

At the pit stop, Ernie/Cindy are indeed in first place, winning a trip for 2 to Fiji. I would be more excited for them, but I don’t like them, so there you go. In an interesting turn, Bill/Cathi and Andy/Tommy arrive at the location of the pit stop at the same time. Andy/Tommy get out of their cars faster but Bill/Cathi beat them at a foot race. Yeah, I wouldn’t have believed it either.

Laurence/Zac are upset to learn that they have been U-Turned, but with the help of Speckles they make it through their task and start to make their way to the pit stop. They are at this point farther ahead then Jeremy/Sandy who, thanks to Sandy’s bad directions, got themselves lost for a while. But this seems to be the theme of this week, as on the way to the pitstop Laurence/Zac get lost for two hours giving Jeremy/Sandy enough time to check in with Phil and avoid elimination. Laurence/Zac are the last to arrive and are eliminated.

Here are the rankings:
1. Ernie/Cindy
2. Bill/Cathy
3. Andy/Tommy
4. Marcus/Amani
5. Jeremy/Sandy

Until further notice let’s just assume that I’m:
Rooting for: Amani/Marcus-Bill/Cathi
Rooting Against: Ernie/Cindy
And while I’m not quite so sure that Andy/Tommy will win this, they’ll definitely make the top three… unless they don’t. {Bet hedged.}

Until next time.

For more on this episode, check out OMG BUNNIES! by Gabe Callahan.

Season 19, Episode 8: “Super Shady” (original airdate November 13, 2011.)

The Amazing Race airs Sundays at 8/7c on CBS.

Images courtesy of CBS.

Burn Notice Review: Pangs of Nostalgia

On this week’s episode of Burn Notice, Michael takes on the head of a local gang to avenge the murder of his childhood best friend. And with former bestie’s revenge-filled baby brother riding shotgun, Mike is set to blow apart the organization, or at least make sure it implodes. Elsewhere, Mike and Anson continue to play cat and mouse, with expected results.

This week’s episode of Burn Notice is split into two parts: Michael and the Client, and Michael and the Agency. The first of these is the more interesting of the two so we’ll spend the most time on that. But of course we know that Mike’s dealings with Anson have far more reaching effects.

Michael and the Client: At the beginning of this week’s episode, Mike’s mother Madelyn comes to visit him at his place. She is visibly distraught as she tells him that Andre, a childhood friend of his, was found murdered. Mike is shocked and hurt. Andre and Mike had been like brothers as children, but over the years the two grew apart as Mike took the straight and narrow government gig while Andre chose the role of a local criminal. Mike and Maddy visit Andre’s brother Ricky (Ben Watkins) to pay their respects.

Ricky tells Mike and Madelyn that Andre had recently turned his life around and became an advocate for the community. Though the cops figure that Andre just got back into the game and was killed as a result, Ricky rejects this saying that his brother wouldn’t do that. Maddy agrees with this, telling the boys that Andre had a good heart. Ricky pulls Mike aside and asks him to look into his brother’s murder. At first Mike seems hesitant to find out what really happened to Andre, but at Ricky’s insistence he finally agrees.

The first stop is to track down the last number that Andre called shortly before his death. That leads them to a boarded up house in the city. Mike and Jesse approach the house where they meet Dolly, a friend of Andre’s who at first tries to blow off Jesse’s head. She fails and Mike and Jesse catch her as she tries to make an escape. Dolly denies having anything to do with Andre’s murder, but after they promise to leave her out of it she tells them that she knows who did it.

Dolly, it seems, used to sleep with a guy named Dion, who happened to be a member of the local crime gang called the Magic City Overlords. And one night Dion walked into Dolly’s place covered in blood and carrying a million dollars in cash. That same night Dion’s boss, the ruler of the Overlords, was killed; a murder that the gang is most anxious to reconcile. The gang is terrorizing the neighborhood looking for the murderer who just so happens to be in their midst, and Andre wanted to find the murderer so that there could finally be peace. Dolly told Andre about Dion which put a target on both Dolly and Andre’s backs. Dion already got Andre, and now he’s looking to take out Dolly before he makes a move to grab head of the Overlords.

In a move that would make even Horatio Caine proud, Mike tells Ricky that their new plan is to take down Dion. Ricky sets up a meeting with Dion and Jesse, with Jesse acting as a weapons supplier with a load of heavy military style arsenal up for sale. With RPGs and body armor, the “Scarface Deluxe package” is just too good a deal to pass up. Jesse wants a million for it but Dion wants a demonstration with Jesse/Khalil’s supplier in attendance.

Mike/Mr. Turner and Jesse/Khalil meet up with Dion to show off some of the artillery, unknowingly borrowed from a friend of Fi’s. Seeing the power of the RPGs against a random truck, Dion wants to make the deal but tells Mike that he needs more time to get the money. Mike and Jesse know that Dion already has the money so this is just a ploy to buy some time so that he can kill Dolly, the last person who knows about the stolen money.

Before too long, Dion’s men do find Dolly who was stashed out at Madelyn’s house but went AWOL to look for drugs. Ricky and Fi find her shot in an alley. She dies and with the last witness gone, Dion’s ready to do business. Mike is, of course, unwilling to turn over any guns to such a homicidal maniac. The deal is going to fall through but before he calls up Dion, Mike warns Ricky that he needs to get out of town. As the middle man in this, Mike anticipates that Dion will hunt down Ricky once he doesn’t get his weapons.

Ricky refuses to leave. He doesn’t like the idea that his brother’s murderer gets to walk away scot-free. He has his own plan of vengeance in mind, and courtesy of the Internet, he makes a homemade bomb and plants it at Stubby’s, the hangout of the Overlords. After a little pep talk, Mike convinces him that becoming a murderer is not something that his brother would want for him. They hatch a new plan to catch Dion. Mike and Jesse head to the meeting.

In a move to show strength to his fellow Overlords, Dion is conducting a business meeting to show he can lead the gang in a new direction; selling heavy weapons which will make them all rich and gain them notoriety. Mike and Jesse are sitting in on the meeting as the Overlords’ official suppliers, when Mike calls to Dion and tells him that they need to talk immediately. Mike and Dion cut out of the meeting and head across the street where Mike tells Dion that his shipment is now under watch by the ATF, meaning he can’t go anywhere near the guns. To sell his story Mike gives Dion a number to call for the ATF. This number is actually the detonator to the bomb, altered by Ricky and Fi so that the explosion will cause very little body harm. It still looks real though as Jesse and the Overlords think that someone tried to kill them. Jesse tells them that Mr. Turner/Mike and Dion must have teamed up to take them all out; Mr. Turner, edging Jesse out on the sale, and Dion taking out his competition. One of the guys remembers that just before the blast Dion was on his cell phone, and correctly they assume that he was detonating the bomb. The Overlords are now out for him.

So what do you do when your gang turns on you? Dion, with the help of Michael, turns himself in to the police and snitches on all of his buddies. Gaining a nice lifetime sentence in solitary confinement, the only place his former allies/now turned enemies can’t get to him. On the day of Andre’s funeral, Madelyn, Mike, and Ricky are at Maddy’s house when the three are drifting down memory lane. They land on the memory of the boys creating a go-kart from Madelyn’s lawnmower engine and Andre crashing into Maddy’s rosebush. Madelyn reveals to the boys that she never told them that Andre later came back to apologize and give her a new rose bush. Madelyn reaffirms that she always knew he had a good heart, no matter what.

The other storyline with Michael and the Agency was pretty much in the background. Sure Michael fought against helping Anson, but at the end of the episode he did what we all expected: downloaded the virus to erase Anson’s name from the CIA computers. Of course this wasn’t an easy decision and the gang stalked, delayed and tried to deter Anson all they wanted. But at the end of the day it wasn’t enough. Mike asks Anson for some reassurance that after he downloads the file he’ll give up all the info on Fiona and leave them alone, but Anson isn’t going to let his prize goose go so soon. I’m betting on Fi’s theory that once Mike gives in to Anson on this demand, there are twenty more soon to follow. And so begins what promises to be a very screwed up friendship.

Season 5, Episode 14: “Breaking Point” (original airdate November 10, 2011)

Burn Notice airs Thursdays at 10-9c on USA Network.

Images courtesy of Robert Zuckerman/USA Network.

Dexter Review: Why Is It Always Blood?

This week, Dexter continued to operate under the influence of Brian, his deceased brother who’s operating as the voice of his dark passenger, sidelining Harry for a while. Dex gets a call from Deb telling him that it appears the Trinity killer has struck again, taking out both his wife, bludgeoned with a hockey stick, and daughter, in the traditional bathtub scenario. Trinity’s son Jonah survived and claims to have seen the attacker. Of course Dexter thinks Jonah’s emulating his father, thinking the behavior is part of the genetic code he inherited. Brian pushes him to do something about it and head to Nebraska to hunt Jonah down.

Deb tells Dexter to take some time off at first, which he does, and leaves Harrison in Jamie’s care, heading to Nebraska to investigate the latest Trinity killing. He stops off for a tryst with a convenience store clerk, all to get her gun from behind the counter, and spends some brother bonding time shooting at road signs with Brian, who continues to urge him to kill more. He eventually finds Jonah, who claims he saw his father murdering his family. Dexter gets a flat tire, which the clerk at his hotel, Norm, offers to fix. Dexter ends up going back to Jonah’s place, unsure if he’s guilty or not, but discovers his kill kit is missing. He runs into Jonah and confesses to killing his father, sending Jonah running off.

Dexter heads back to the hotel, thinking Norm must’ve taken his knives while he was fixing the flat. Norm tries to extort some cash out of him for the knives and, with Brian’s egging, Dex decides it’s easier just to kill him with whatever’s handy. In this case, it happens to be a pitchfork. Brian tries to convince Dexter there’s no use in feeling guilty about it and he should just keep going with the killing, but Dex is still unsure about Jonah.

Jonah calls Dexter and asks to meet somewhere, which an experienced killer like Dexter recognizes as a trap. Dex gets the upper hand and Jonah begs to be killed. He confesses to killing his mother after finding his sister had committed suicide. He blames his mother for always defending his father’s life and actions. Dex realizes Jonah’s not a monster like his other victims, and runs over Brian on his way out. In a symbolic gesture, Harry gets in the car and they head home.

On the Miami Metro front, Deb’s missing Dexter during one of her first big reporting meetings to her supervisors, where LaGuerta comes down hard on her. The team question the girl Travis let go last week and learn she was being forced to drink their blood. Travis winds up on a list of 200 suspects they’re able to generate as Professor Gellar’s possible partners/former students. Quinn also apologizes to Deb for proposing, and even kisses her on the cheek, which is totally workplace appropriate.

Keeping up with the Doomsday Killers, Travis spent some more quality time with his sister, having sworn off his quest to bring about the apocalypse with his former mentor Gellar. In the meantime, he’s still a bit curious, and creeps on Gellar’s lair, trying to make out what he’s up to inside. He finally heads in to tell Gellar he’s done with it all, and Gellar disagrees, but lets him go, hoping that God might bring their paths back together again.

Is it just me, or is this season of Dexter starting to feel a little drawn out? At first, I was glad we were treated to the beginning of the season long Doomsday Killers arc early, but now I’m starting to hope the showrunners have an endgame in mind for our titular antihero, and that maybe it’s coming sooner than expected. I could really care less about the developments involving Jamie and Masuka’s intern Louis. So what if you’re developing a video game? But good job narrowing down the suspect list to 200. Dexter narrowed it down to one several weeks ago.

My patience is wearing thin for the Deb/Quinn storyline as well. I get it Debra Morgan, you’re scared and damaged. I get it Quinn, you’re hurt that she shot you down. But one, or preferably both of you, need to move on sooner or later. And, for the record, sleeping with character witnesses is not the way to do it, Quinn. The big Brian reveal seems to be over for the moment, but he’ll probably pop back up. After that, what they tried to pull with Trinity’s faux-return this week was a little lame. His family were definitely characters with unfinished business, but the timing seemed more than a little off to me.

Let’s shift focus to the Doomsday Killers for a minute. Gellar, I’m on to you, and I’ve been on to you for weeks. Sure, you say you want to let Travis go his own way, but I’m sure when you inevitably shift your target to his sister Lisa, it’s not going to be part of God’s plan. As for Travis, what exactly are his plans now? Pretend like it all never happened. If the scars of what he did are enough to scare him away from doing more, it’s probably not going to be an easy road to redemption…but most likely a short one with an on-ramp back to his original destination.

I really hope the second half of the season is free of all the belabored metaphors that seem to be weighing down the first half for me.

 

Season 6, Episode 7: “Nebraska” (Original airdate November 13, 2011)

Channel your dark passenger with Dexter, Sundays at 9 on Showtime.

Images courtesy of Showtime.

Official Hunger Games Trailer

Every year in the ruins of what was once North America, the evil Capitol of the nation of Panem forces each of its twelve districts to send a teenage boy and girl to compete in the Hunger Games. A twisted punishment for a past uprising and an ongoing government intimidation tactic, The Hunger Games are a nationally televised event in which “Tributes” must fight with one another until one survivor remains. Pitted against highly-trained Tributes who have prepared for these Games their entire lives, Katniss is forced to rely upon her sharp instincts as well as the mentorship of drunken former victor Haymitch Abernathy. If she’s ever to return home to District 12, Katniss must make impossible choices in the arena that weigh survival against humanity and life against love. THE HUNGER GAMES is directed by Gary Ross, and produced by Nina Jacobson’s Color Force in tandem with producer Jon Kilik. Suzanne Collins’ best-selling novel, the first in a trilogy published by Scholastic that has over 16 million copies in print in the United States alone, has developed a massive global following.

Revenge Interview: Christa B. Allen isn’t Charlotte Grayson

I love Revenge.  It’s a juicy, pulpy, soap opera that, in its 7 episodes so far, pretty much has me riveted.  Much of this is due to some fantastic performances by the actresses, which include Emily VanCamp, Madeleine Stowe, and newcomer Christa B. Allen, who plays Charlotte Grayson.

Charlotte is the daughter of Victoria and Conrad Grayson, a very, very, very rich couple with some pretty dark secrets. I got the chance to speak to Christa Allen, who plays Charlotte, over the phone last week, and one thing became quite clear — while they are both attractive young women, Christa and Charlotte don’t have much in common.

First of all, Christa works.

Charlotte Grayson does not have a job.  She appears to be content hanging out with her friends and looking adorable in sundresses.  Sure, she has to appear at various social functions because she is at her mother’s beck and call, but that isn’t exactly a hard life.  I get the sense that Revenge’s writers have something up their sleeves to show some personal growth on Charlotte’s part – and her romance with Declan Porter (played by Connor Paolo, whom you probably best know as Serena’s gay brother on Gossip Girl), who, while not exactly a bad boy, is certainly of more meager means, will surely help to that end.

Christa, however, began working as a child, going back and forth from Hollywood with her Mom to audition for movie and television roles.  A resemblance to Jennifer Garner helped her get roles in 13 Going on 30 and Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, where she essentially was “an awkward 12-year-old girl playing an awkward 13-year-old girl.”  While working, Christa also went to high school and graduated at the ripe old age of 15.  She told me that she thinks she was more driven to work hard because she was doing it on her own time.  Think Charlotte Grayson has the wherewithal to graduate high school at 15?  Methinks not.

1 brother?  Try 8.

Charlotte has one brother, Daniel, a spoiled only son with some serious poor little rich boy issues.  Daniel’s falling for Emily Thorne, the Graysons’ new neighbor, played by the aforementioned Emily VanCamp, who other people know from Everwood, but I remember as the girl with the icky falling-for-her-brother storyline on Brothers & Sisters.  Emily Thorne is not who she says she is. . .not even close.  She’s sorta the whole reason the show is called Revenge.

Christa, however, is the youngest of 9 children.  She has 8 older siblings, all brothers, including four stepbrothers.  Can you imagine?  It sounds like its own sitcom.  I asked her what that was like, and she said that it means that she has a fair amount of tomboy in her.   Christa is pretty athletic; she enjoys rock climbing and plans to complete her first half-marathon this June.

Christa dreams BIG.

Charlotte doesn’t have any big dreams for the future, at least none that we’ve seen so far.  While frustrated at the idea of living out her mother’s dreams, we’ve yet to see her articulate any of her own.

Christa, however, told me plans to be a major ass-kicker.  Perhaps it was playing a young Jennifer Garner that inspired her; Christa hopes to one day play an Alias-type character in her own TV show, or to have a career similar to Angelina Jolie.  One thing you won’t see her do, however, is go the stereotypical “hot girl in Hollywood” thing.  Unlike many of her peers (I’m thinking of you Lea Michele and Dianna Agron), Christa does not have any plans on doing any sexy photos anytime soon.  Christa told me that there’s only so much she wants to reveal, and that some things are sexier left to the imagination.  Asked how she feels about other women who bare all, however, Christa refused to trash them.  She believes that a woman should feel comfortable in her own skin, and it is okay to be sexy.

Christa’s peers are classy and fun, not spoiled and selfish.

Charlotte’s friends don’t look like the kind that you or I would want to hang out with.  First of all, her boyfriend cheats on her and then beats up potential suitor Declan Porter just for kicks. (Thank goodness he’s now her ex.)  We haven’t seen much of her female friends, but I get the impression that they don’t do much more than shop.

Christa, however, gets to work out Madeleine Stowe, whom she calls “one of the classiest women.”  She also works with Connor Paolo, who she says is “one of the most real and outgoing people,” a trait she attributes to Connor’s upbringing in New York.  She told me that it’s easy to pretend to be Declan’s girlfriend because Connor is such a nice guy himself, and enjoying time together off-screen makes it that much easier to have chemistry on-screen.

So. . .apart from looking very much alike, Charlotte and Christa clearly have very little in common.  Regardless, you can see both on Revenge, which airs Wednesdays at 10/9c on ABC.

Revenge still photograph courtesy of Colleen Hayes and ABC.

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