Top Chef Review: The Ogre Got Pressure Cooked!

Pack your bags, we’re headed to Austin! It’s the third stop on our cooking tour through the Longhorn State. One chef that is super excited to represent is Paul. Our resident worrier feels the weight of the free world as he aims to make Austin proud. In a touching moment, we learn that Paul found his true calling in Austin. He woke up one morning in a room filled to the brim with dog deuces and decided he needed to end living life as a small time pot lord. Flashback to Paul standing in a tux next to a bright red sports car, which kinda reminded me of the final scene in Sixteen Candles where hunky Mike Baker melts hearts standing next his sweet ride. To be honest, I would’ve rather seen a picture of Paul waking up in his poo-infested apartment saying (as a bubble thought), “This hot mess is not my style. Get me to a kitchen…stat!”

Anyway, let’s move on to the Quickfire Challenge. This week, Padma is joined by Tom C. as a Quickfire judge so we know it’s on. The challenge was to cook a dish based on fans’ tweets. Say what? Right. It’s one of those ideas that sounds so much better in your head (like taking 21 shots on your 21st birthday…). At any rate, the Twitter universe demanded the chefs cook a dish with bacon. But that wasn’t it. They then wanted our chefs to include some type of hash into the dish, in honor of the hash tag (which I will always refer to as “number sign”). The final twist was each chef had to give the chef next to them an item to incorporate into their dish. Malibu Chris (love this moniker!) gave Lindsay “The Neck” some maple syrup . Ty-Lor gave Edward some Sriracha Sauce to deal with. Beverly gave Heather a cocktail with enough tranquilizer juice to bring down a hippo. No, just joking, but I wish. The losers in this challenge were Edward, Weird Chris and Grayson I won’t bore you with what they made because it’s really not worth it. The top three chefs were Sarah (for bacon, squash and zucchini hash), Paul (for a combo platter of bacon, blackberries, clams and mushrooms), and Bev (for a pressure cooked pork belly delight). Paul ended up taking home $10,000, bringing his total loot so far to $30,000. No more weed-dealing for this guy.

Onto the Elimination Challenge! Ms. Patti LaBelle belted out some notes in a hotel lobby and then Padma announced Patti would be a guest judge. Random but nice! The cheftestants were asked to take a trip down memory lane and create a dish as a tribute to someone important in their lives. I am sure all the chefs were even more motivated to do a great job on this challenge because who wants to get sent home and tell grandma that the dish cooked in her honor blew?

But alas, someone must go home. The chefs with the worst creations were Heather (yay!!), Malibu Chris and Grayson. Heather served up a hot mess she called beef stroganoff, Grayson put enough steak on a plate to feed a mid-size nation, and Malibu cooked a salmon so much that it oozed out some white sticky goo that apparently is called “albumin.”

Ms. Patti LaBelle along with our regular judges plus Emeril (boo….why does he have to come back?) decided that Heather should head out. Love this decision!! Karma is a B, isn’t it B?!? Now poor Bev can close BOTH eyes when she sleeps at night!

On Last Chance Kitchen, Heather faced off against Nyesha. Nyesha was in battle mode. You could see it in her eyes…just like a tiger hunting down a slightly chunky deer. The chefs were asked to make dishes using three techniques – frying, injecting and foaming. Nyesha made a nice little beignet incorporating all three methods. Heather, made some sort of shrimp, not a big deal. But then she told Tom to suck on the head to get all the injection liquid out. I’m going to exercise some restraint and not go there but just know it’s killing me. Nyesha ended up winning on LCK and we can all forget Heather. A million thanks, Nyesha.

Season 9, Episode 8: Tribute Dinner (originally aired December 21, 2011)

Images courtesy of Bravo TV.