Gossip Girl Review: Oh Holy Plot Device

I was really scared to watch this week’s Gossip Girl. As many of you who read my reviews may know, I am a massive fan of Chuck Bass. When Chuck is in pain, I am in pain. And after the last episode, in which we left him in a coma, I was terrified bad things would happen to him. Well, they sort of did, but at least he’s still alive.  We find that out within the first few seconds.

This week’s episode takes place right around New Year’s, a few weeks after the accident that put Chuck and Blair in the hospital. Blair has lost the baby, but is otherwise fine. Chuck came out of his coma recovered, but they are not together. In fact, Blair has barely spoken to Chuck since the accident. (Just to refresh your memory, right before the car crashed, they decided to be together, even if it meant Blair had to break things off with Louis.)  Not that her relationship with Louis is doing much better.   They’re barely communicating. For once, Chuck and Louis have something in common—they want to know what the hell is up with her.

Louis suspects an affair, so Chuck talks to the only person who may know the truth—Dan.  He asks Dan to spy on Blair, and Dan reluctantly agrees. Only Dan knows more than he’s letting on.  He and Blair are spending a lot of time together lately, as Chuck discovers when he follows them one day. He thinks they are sleeping together. He tells Serena and Louis this, but Serena just shakes her head at them. Blair may not be confiding in her, but she’s not sleeping with Dan. No way.

Besides, Serena’s got other things to think about.  Gossip Girl has disappeared, and Nate has been busy trying to talk her into reading some of the emails she gets—blasts from old Gossip Girl readers.  Serena doesn’t want her thriving blog to become a gossip site, but Nate is being pushy, so she has to think about it. Meanwhile, Nate is planning a big New Year’s Eve party, but he has to add one to the guest list—the driver of the car that crashed with Chuck and Blair in the back. An anonymous text tips Nate off that the paparazzi didn’t cause that crash, and the driver says his brakes seemed to be broken. On top of that, Nate discovers that wasn’t Chuck and Blair’s car—it was the car he’d scheduled. Uh oh—just as I’d suspected. That was an attack on Nate’s life, not an attempt to snap a good picture of the princess-to-be.

While the young folks are prepping for the New Year’s party, Lily is doing some digging. ChIvy (Charlie/Ivy) vanished after the accident without so much as a word. Lily hires a private eye, who tells her that Charlotte Rhodes attends Julliard. But when she and Rufus find Charlotte Rhodes, it isn’t their Charlie. They shrug it off and head home, assuming their private eye made a mistake. Oh, if only they knew.

At Nate’s party, Chuck and Louis decide to publicly out Blair’s relationship with Dan, knowing they will have to come clean about what is going on. Serena tracks down Blair, though, and gets the whole truth before the damage can be done.

Here’s where I get annoyed.

I knew there would be something –some reason Chuck and Blair wouldn’t be together after the accident. Amnesia, maybe? Or blackmail? Instead it was this: God doesn’t want Blair to be with Chuck.  While he was in a coma, Blair prayed and swore she would stay with Louis if Chuck lived (okay, WHY would she promise this? Her promise makes no sense, especially since God—in my experience as a Christian—is against marrying someone you don’t love).  So when Chuck pulled through, she had to keep her promise.  She’s been using Dan for emotional support, and he’s gone with her to church on a regular basis while she sees a priest and looks for a loophole.

I’m going to contain my rage, but let me just say how much this annoyed me. It felt so contrived.  It was really the weakest bit of writing all season—which sucks because this episode was really good otherwise.  Giving Blair religion is an intriguing idea, but a promise to marry someone she doesn’t truly love? God would not approve of this. Neither, I think, would most priests.

I’ll move on.

After learning this, Serena pretends that Dan and Blair’s secret is really that she and Dan are dating and Blair was covering for them.  This keeps Louis and Chuck from outing Dan and Blair as a supposed couple. Blair later confronts Chuck, telling him that just because they can’t be together doesn’t mean she stopped loving him. It’s a raw, emotional scene (with great writing! Come on, writers! You are clearly talented—why the plot device from hell?), and it broke my little Chuck-loving heart, because he was in pain as he watched her go.  When will these two get their dysfunctional every after?  Probably not until the last episode.

The show ended with Nate texting his anonymous tipper, whom we are led to believe is Gossip Girl, and she wants them to help each other.  This should be interesting.

Over all, it was a great way to kick off the second half of the season. Some really good material, a lot of good moments for “Chair,” “Dair,” and “Derena” fans, and some interesting storylines opening up. But really? That Blair plot device?  From a writer’s perspective, it was just so infuriating.   But you’ve probably figured out how I feel about it by now.

Best Storyline: Nate potentially working with Gossip Girl. This could get messy.
Worst Storyline: Oh, you can guess. I won’t repeat myself.
Want to See More Of: Dan! He has grown on me.
Want to See Less Of: Louis

 

Season 5, Episode 11: End of the Affair? (original air date January 16, 2012)

Gossip Girl airs Monday nights at 8/7c on The CW.

Images courtesy of Giovanni Rufino, The CW and IMDbPro.