Loosies Movie Review: Hey, Where’d My Movie Ticket Money Go?

Loosies is one of those simplistic, little romantic dramedies; the type you might expect to see out on a designated date night, also known as Friday or Saturday to the rest of us. Twilight franchise cast mate Peter Facinelli wrote and produced Loosies, as well as starred as the main character, Bobby, a New York, no-good, pickpocketing thief. It doesn’t sound too romantic yet, but wait. At home, Bobby is one of those good Italian boys that loves his mother and would do anything to protect her, including taking on his deceased father’s massive gambling debts to ensure her safety. Posing as a Wall Street stock trader, he peruses the streets from nine to five, preying on oblivious local folk and tourists and then handing his loot over to his father’s old debtor, Jax (Vincent Gallo). Unfortunately, Jax has had it up to here with the various cell phones and other worthless items that Bobby has been turning up with, including a badge belonging to the city’s Lieutenant Sullivan (Michael Madsen), which becomes an obvious problem later. Working the streets one day, Bobby has an awkward run in with a woman he had met three months ago, Lucy (Jaimie Alexander). He comes to find he knocked her up, one-night stand style. It’s extremely romantic. Okay, it’s not just yet, but we’re almost there.

We’ve come across the typical characters we see in this movie way too many times to count. Bobby is the criminal, the bad guy, but not really the bad guy. He still has those few moral fibers hidden deep within that come out due to that one specific catalyst, in this case a beautiful, pregnant, and completely innocent girl, and usually it’s because the character was forced into a bad situation so we sympathize with him to a degree. When “loosie” buying commitment phobe Bobby, who as Lucy resentfully mentions, “Can’t even commit to a brand of cigarettes!” finally admits that he has feelings for her, Bobby is forced to make the life changing decision of whether or not to drop his unsavory lifestyle for a more wholesome family setting. And this is when the actual romance begins to blossom.

While I respect the initiative taken to write and produce Loosies, it might be hard to find yourself invested in the story, or any one character in particular for that matter. Save for the mini-heist towards the end that was actually quite clever, most of Loosies flew by as each dilemma that surfaced was quickly and easily resolved. It didn’t seem like either the Bobby or Lucy characters struggled much, although, given their personal circumstances, one would think that there would have been a lot more tension. The storyline to this film is probably as basic, unadventurous, and predictable as they come, but on the positive side, it can be a light, rainy day flick that won’t hurt your head while following along. Will I watch this movie again? Probably not, but Loosies is a brief venture through the world of robbery, surprise pregnancy, and consequences that luckily, if you choose to view, will not require a whole lot of commitment on your end.

Images courtesy of IMDb Pro.