This Looks Familiar: TV Remakes Give The Term “Rerun” A Whole New Meaning

Hollywood’s increasing lack of originality is certainly not breaking news for anyone remotely cognizant of pop culture trends and patterns. Constant prequels, sequels and premature franchise reboots have saturated the box office with familiar material for years now, but the television industry’s perpetual attempts to revamp once-successful series rival its rerun counterparts in the film business. Network execs likely adhere to winning formulas in the hopes of recreating the original magic that captivated viewers the first time around, but shifts in the cultural zeitgeist often prevent lightning from striking twice. With the exception of the occasional diamond in the rough, most beloved TV classics, whether cult or mainstream, belong in the proverbial time capsule that modern-day primetime lineups just can’t seem to keep closed. With a post-millennium Dallas headed for a premiere on TNT this summer, here’s a look at some of the most ingenious and inane TV remakes that precede the upcoming return to Southfork.

INANE:

Melrose Place (The CW, 18 episodes, 2009-2010)
The CW’s 21^st century update on the 90210 gang in 2008 got off to a rocky start, but solidified an audience just large enough to perpetuate the idea that following up on the West Bev crowd’s soapier, trashier effigies would be a sure thing. Despite convincing Heather Locklear to reprise her role as Amanda Woodward and producing breakout B-listers Katie Cassidy and Colin Egglesfield, the new-fangled Melrose Place sputtered out of the gate and never found its footing. The original initially began with sincere dramatic intentions but only gained its rabid following after embracing an over-the-top, campy tone designed to laugh at itself along with the fans. Even after dire casting changes (nice try, Ashlee Simpson) and a woefully lame PR campaign (“Tuesday is the new humpday.” Ugh.) This Melrose only generated unintentional chuckles and lasted merely one season.

Charlie’s Angels (ABC, 7 episodes, 2011)
Three reformed bad girls with ass-kicking moves seeking justice in stilettos? Sounds like a surefire recipe for ratings…in the 70s, anyway. ABC’s reboot earlier this fall hit the airwaves amidst a flurry of buzz, but fell short of expectations when the lighthearted froth of the original was lost within the serious undertones of the update. Apparently, Angels fly higher without the burden of overwrought and unnecessary drama weighing them down.

Bionic Woman (NBC, 8 episodes, 2007)
Another attempt to bring 70s-era girl power back to the small screen, NBC’s remake of Bionic Woman brought none of the cutting-edge potential its premise contained and eschewed the opportunity to meld sci-fi action with a compelling character study.  A halt in production due to the writers’ strike (remember that?) didn’t help an already lurching trajectory, and the series’ failure to embrace a sturdy structure and aesthetic turned off both fans of the original and new viewers looking for a fun, futuristic escape.

Knight Rider (NBC, 17 episodes, 2008-2009)
This project seemed doomed from the beginning, as the notion of reintroducing a pop culture classic about the crime-fighting duo of a talking car and its brawny owner sounded more appropriate for an SNL skit than a primetime drama. The winking addition of Val Kilmer as the voice of the modern-day KITT aside, the new Knight Rider ran out of gas after one season and is likely a staple on NBC execs’ “What were we thinking?” list of regrets. David Hasselhoff, meanwhile, likely considers the original his pre-Baywatch crowning achievement.

V (ABC, 22 episodes, 2009-2011)
The Visitors were initially introduced to audiences via a 1983 miniseries that has upheld cult status since, and seemed inevitable for an attempt at a full-fledged dramatic series. The fact it took more than 25 years only added doubt in fans’ minds, however, and despite a capable cast including Party of Five’s Scott Wolf, Homeland’s Morena Baccarin, and LOST’s Elizabeth Mitchell, the updated V only boasted improvement in special effects while the storytelling technique and tenuous social commentary sorely suffered. Including reenactments of the original’s most legendary moments was a nice way to pay homage, but only decreased the shock value in plot developments fans already knew were coming. A slapdash air schedule didn’t help solidify a core audience, and V was finally canceled after two shortened seasons.

INGENIOUS:

Battlestar Galactica (Syfy, 2004-2009)
The sad reaches to blend science fiction with engrossing character development and a fascinating narrative so blandly present in Bionic Woman and V only stand out more starkly when compared with the triumph of Battlestar Galactica, Syfy’s magnum opus based on arguably the cheesiest material of anything else on this list. It will be difficult for future remakes and reboots to live up to the standards set by Battlestar, living proof that it is possible to create an award-worthy dramatic series complete, with thematic depth, allegorical truth and artistic integrity, with a level of success so great it’s laughable source material is all but forgotten.

The Office (NBC, 2005-present)
The BBC classic that put Ricky Gervais on the map was rebooted to marvelous success here in the U.S. and made Steve Carell a bona fide star in his own right. Countless attempts to recreate the mockumentary style of The Office have been put forth, but nearly none achieve the level of finesse, wry wit and underhanded slapstick that Michael Scott and his colleagues at Dunder Mifflin do. The introduction of James Spader as the nonplussed and mysterious Robert California this season hasn’t completely filled Carell’s void, but the still-nimble supporting cast helps uphold the legacy Gervais initiated even while this Office makes room for its own protégés, like the increasingly wonderful Parks and Recreation.

Doctor Who (BBC, 2005-present)
Like The Office, Doctor Who benefits from having already-renowned origins upon which to base its reboot. After a 16-year absence from British television, the beloved series was relaunched with a more traditional scheduling platform and a tenth Doctor in the titular role, David Tennant. The wisely simple format remained intact, as The Doctor continued his exploration of the universe via his time-traveling portal TARDIS and let the stories themselves create the magic of the series. With Matt Smith now inhabiting the iconic blue police box, TV’s longest-running sci-fi series shows no signs of slowing down.

Teen Wolf (MTV, 2011-present)
Okay, so this cheeky MTV dramedy is a serialized version of movie, but the translation from cheesy 80s comedy to this surprisingly slick satire of high school horrors marks one of the highest points of MTV’s series lineup in years, if not ever. While the beloved Michael J. Fox theatrical release remains in the hearts of many Gen Xers, their teenage kids can now enjoy this edgier version that will still garner chuckles from older viewers who will likely recognize influences of The Lost Boys and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Is Teen Wolf a worthy contemporary of these predecessors? Not even close, but it’s good to see MTV at least making an effort beyond the tanning demands of the Jersey Shore cast.

Hawaii Five-0 (CBS, 2010-present)
While this beachfront police procedural won’t be taking home any Emmys in the foreseeable future, CBS continued to capitalize on its winning formula by simply converting its bombastic, color-saturated CSI structure and aesthetic to fit the mold of the classic 70s cop drama. Where similar conversions failed (Charlie’s Angels being the most recent and most glaring), Hawaii Five-0 has managed to break out of the remake doldrums and enter hit status. What has set it apart from other pretty casts thrust into the reboot vortex? Is it the always-welcome Scott Caan as the grumbling Danno? All secrets aside, viewers simply can’t seem to get enough of whatever CBS has put in the water in this new vision of Hawaii.

What are some of the lamest TV remakes and reboots you’ve seen? What good ones would you add to this list? Why aren’t more original ideas getting greenlit in Hollywood? Post your thoughts in the comment section below!

Images courtesy of ABC, Inc. The CW Network, Syfy and IMDbPro.