Top Chef Review: The BBQ Pit From Hell

I wish I could say that this week’s episode of Top Chef: Texas improved my view of this season’s contestants – which has been that they’re not very exciting, their food isn’t very exciting and they’re making this season very unexciting – but unfortunately I’m still with Ash, your resident recapper on vacay, who seems as disillusioned with this season as I feel. Luckily, this week’s episode at least stepped up the game with an interesting Quickfire centered on the culinary-coveted, extraordinarily expensive set of Modernist Cuisine books (a whopping 2,200 pages), and another challenge focused on a Texas staple: barbeque!

Before I dig into this week’s episode, I’d like to note that after Heather’s departure last week, there were at least two contestants who might as well have been dancing on her not-even-cold grave. Beverly, who’d butted heads with her multiple times this season, and Ed, who’d given her a cake recipe earlier in the season (when they’d been teammates), and she’d used it not once, but twice. Though I would have to agree with Ed that she really should have been able to cook her own recipes, or at least make them more her own the second time around, in the end, Ed is the one who gave her the recipe in the first place. He could have kept his mouth shut, or spoken up that she shouldn’t continue to use it as the competition went on. So really, there’s no one in the right here, and especially not Sarah, who believed that Ed shouldn’t have said anything after Heather left if he couldn’t say it to her face. No one asked for any your opinions, Sarah, and you are extremely annoying so I’ve dubbed you absolutely wrong.

Now onto the Quickfire challenge! Nathan Myhrvold, Microsoft’s former Chief Technology Officer turned badass chef, is a guest judge. Fun fact: Nathan finished first and second in the world championship of barbeque held in Memphis. I’d say the super geek/culinary genius is a perfect guest judge for this season. The contestants were tasked with creating a dish that exemplified the book, filled with contemporary cooking from molecular gastronomy to scientifically researched, classic dishes. Chris J. bragged he may have even created some of the techniques in the book first, but he still managed to come in second to Ty-Lör who took Chris and his palate flipping Miracle Berry down with his simple yet unique dish of watermelon with tapioca maltodextrin. The watermelon’s olive oil companion was turned into a powder and then, when eaten and dissolved, it turned back into olive oil. That’s a cool magic trick, I would say, and less gimmicky than the Miracle Berry craze. Hey, Paul said it first! (Miracle Berry changes your palate; so for instance, something sour would actually taste sweet. Intriguing, but I’m more interested in the real food doing.) Sarah joined the boys in the top by creating ravioli with pancetta and egg yolk with a modern twist, but only Ty-Lör earned immunity and his own set of that giant culinary encyclopedia. No surprise that Paul ended up in the bottom since he couldn’t pronounce molecular gastronomy, though he’s been performing very well so far. And Beverly, who splattered her foam all over Nathan and Padma’s clothing, and Grayson rounded out the bottom.

For the elimination challenge, the contestants were charged with creating a barbecue meal for 300 patrons. The goal was to break into teams of three, serve chicken, brisket and pork ribs with two side dishes, and they had the opportunity to work without sleeping if they must. They all did. The stress of this week’s competition infused some much needed drama. The Blue Team consisted of Paul, Lindsay and Grayson. The Red Team combined the power of Edward, Sarah and Ty-Lör, and the White Team was comprised of Chris C., Beverly and Chris J. Team Red and White went the traditional route and primarily shared the leadership role, while the Blue Team stepped outside of the box and served Asian-inspired BBQ, with Paul taking the lead.

I really loved to see these in-house chefs cooking outside with pits and smokers. Battling the elements of smoke and heat, problems were bound to arise. Beverly almost set the Winnebago (they could also use the trailer kitchen) on fire with her bourbon flambé. The Blue Team’s briskets fell off the smoker racks. Luckily, they were well wrapped in foil. Sarah pretty much passed out from all the smoke and was carted off in an ambulance, leaving the Red Team hanging. Poor Edward was clearly bitter and feeling the pressure since one of his teammates was down and the other was safe. Unfortunately, to expedite their service, they cut their meat early, instead of to order, and we all know that’s a fast way to dry out your meat, a key component to good barbeque. (Dry rub, a-okay. Dry brisket, sad day.) When Sarah turned up, slightly rejuvenated and ready to serve her chicken, Ed made it clear he’d rather she be laid up in a hospital bed with an IV sticking in her arm. There was very little compassion. (I get the annoyance, but he was downright mean.) Then, she got tired again so she served the judges and left. I would have too if I were treated so harshly.

ON THE MENU
Team Red: Beer Can Chicken, Brisket, Dr. Pepper Glazed Pork Ribs, Beans and Cole Slaw
Verdict: Though delicious, they roasted their chicken and didn’t really smoke it like Grandma would make. The beans needed to be cooked longer. The brisket was juicy but chewy, and the slaw was okay but boring. The ribs were too salty, but if the culprit was the cooking or the rub and marinade, it couldn’t be determined.

Team Blue: Asian Spare Rib, Chicken & Brisket, Charred Brussels Sprouts and Purple Ocra and Watermelon Salad
Verdict: The judges loved everything. They were literally smacking their lips, except for the undercooked Brussels sprouts. I just push those to side anyways. What they really appreciated was the risk, and it paid off since it was executed so well.

Team White: Texas Chicken, Kansas City-style Pork Ribs, Smoked Brisket, Poppy Seed Cole Slaw and Pinto Beans with Bacon
Verdict: They turned in a moist, flavorful chicken, but the rib texture was chewy, even if the sauce was nice. There was a weird orange mint flavor in the slaw. And, of course, the brisket should have been carved to order.

In the end, Team Blue (Paul, Lindsay and Grayson) won the challenge and $15,000 to be split between them, while Team White and Red landed in the bottom. Team Red fared the worst because of Chris C.’s and Chris J.’s involvement in the overly salty protein, the most egregious problem in the judges eyes. Chris C., though, fell on the sword, taking responsibility instead of his, most likely equally responsible, teammates. It really was hard to pinpoint the person accountable this episode. Sadly, I have a boring season, and now my glam man candy is eliminated. Top Chef: Texas and I are really at odds.

Before I leave you to salivate away and discuss your favorite dishes of the week, on Last Chance Kitchen, Nyesha continued to knock down eliminated contestants like dominoes. I see her definitely going all the way to the end and jumping back into the competition. At least, I know something exciting will happen when that secret is revealed. Well, I hope you’re as full as I am, Poptimal readers. Did you agree with the judges? If not, whose timer should have run out? Sound off below!

Season 9, Episode 9: BBQ Pit Wars (originally aired January 4, 2012)

For more food and drama, tune into Top Chef every Wednesday at 10/9c on Bravo.

Images courtesy of Vivian Zink/Bravo.