The Real Housewives of New Jersey Review: Back on Display, on Display…
Warning: If you are trying to count calories, this episode is not for you. From pasta to cannoli to steak, the Real Housewives of New Jersey gals are enjoying some great grub this week.
Kathy’s cannoli business is heading to a new level with the news that she will be demoing the product at Dylan’s Candy Bar, a NYC shop owned by Ralph Lauren’s daughter. Kathy assures the powers-that-be that she will invite everyone she knows and “fill the place.” Unfortunately, in true Kathy fashion, even her kids are too busy at the gym to show up on time. Caroline has a headache so she can’t make it, but Jacqueline, Teresa, Melissa, and Rosie show up a few hours late. Teresa’s five star review of her cousin’s cannoli line was “I mean, are they edible?” Yeah.
Meanwhile, Teresa and Joe tell their mom that the trip to Arizona bonded them so firmly that “nothing will ever come between them again.” Mrs. Gorga warns them that the tongue doesn’t have a bone, but it can break bones. Translation? The fact that Teresa and Melissa can’t stop trash-talking each other is the problem in the family. This is obviously foreshadowing of some rumor-spreading that will take place about twelve seconds after the family lunch.
While preparing to give a speech to an Autism Awareness forum, Jacqueline decides to ask Teresa for public speaking tips. “Say, ‘Hi, I’m Jacqueline,’” Teresa suggests. She’s a regular Tony Robbins with her speaking skills! When the event finally arrives, Jacqueline steps up and does a great job. And as everyone has tears in their eyes, I can’t help but stare at Jacqueline’s neck, which she just had surgically lifted two episodes ago. It looks like a stack of tires, with four or five lines on it. Did they just cut and paste the skin on it?? Cut to next week’s episode, when she’ll be getting her neck botoxed.
Juicy Joe’s Eggs
Rosie and Juicy Joe have a nice old time discussing their experience with the horse whisperer (they refer to it as “Ebonics”) and then talk about how Teresa and Joe could try for a boy using in-vitro fertilization but they aren’t sure how Juicy Joe’s eggs will be extracted. “Do I have eggs, or what do I have?” he asks…Rosie says she ain’t so good with medical stuff so she’s not sure. Yes, Juicy Joe doesn’t know he has sperm.
In an attempt to go beyond her first “hit” On Display, Melissa meets with Jonny Wright, Justin Timberlake’s manager. Jonny shows up at her basement studio with a hot and happening songwriter who has brought what sounds like something that Debbie Gibson might have put on the “B” side of one of her records. Her voice is so bad that Jonny reminds her that he’s there because he thought she was a singer…but….the implication is that he now realizes that she can’t actually hold a tune. He wants her to come to Florida where he can get “his team” around her (she thinks he’s talking about a vocal coach, but I feel like he’s referring to auto-tuners).
While at dinner discussing the potential travel with Joe, Melissa sees Penny at the bar. Penny was the rumor-spreader at the Milania hair care launch party, so Melissa approaches her and asks whether she has more to say about potential cheating rumors. When pressed, Penny admits that Teresa was actually the source of the cheating rumors! Joe is so stressed about the drama that his hair’s shoe polish appears to be prepped to drip. So much for Teresa’s announcement that nothing will ever come between her and her brother again…but we’ll have to wait until next week to see the confrontation that this new revelation will clearly launch.
Season 5, Episode 16: The Blonde Drops A Bombshell (originally aired on September 15, 2013).
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The Real Housewives of New Jersey airs Sundays at 8 p.m. on Bravo.
Images courtesy of Tommy Garcia/Nino Munoz/Bravo.