The Real Housewives of New Jersey Review: A Very ‘Posche’ Catfight

RHONJ - 1st image - Season 5I say “Kim D,” you say “Catfight!” Why do the Real Housewives of New Jersey gals continue to hang out with dear old Kim D? The woman is absolute trouble every time we see her. Yet, as this week’s episode opens, Teresa and Jacqueline hit Jersey’s finest strip mall to visit the ultra-fabulous “Posche” boutique, where Kim announces that she’ll be opening a second location. The Posche 2 grand opening is next week…and everyone is invited! Perfect timing for Kim D. to have a doo-dah that coincides with the season finale, since every event Kim D. has EVER hosted results in a massive fight.

Kim has also invited Penny, the show’s latest pot-stirrer, to the shindig. Both Teresa and Melissa are angry at Penny and her husband John for spreading rumors, but Teresa promises she’ll be “calm as a cucumber” at the party and won’t start any drama. In Teresa speak, this means she’s planning to flip tables, pull weaves, and abandon her kid in the stroller during the whole knock-down, drag-out catfight.

On to Vocal Coaching
Let’s all give a group “Thank you Jesus” (Melissa’s favorite phrase) to Johnny Wright for suggesting that Melissa needs vocal coaching. The vocal coach offers what we all know are futile singing tips while Joe Gorga sits and watches while stroking his chin as if he’s Richard Gere evaluating outfits in Pretty Woman. To Melissa’s credit, she knows her voice is worse than Teresa’s cackle, but she still heads to the radio station for a live radio performance. (Cut to the drive-time radio show, when hundreds of drivers are crashing their cars on purpose just to jump out of their windows and flee the radio). Fortunately for everyone involved, the radio station seems to have an auto-tuner directly in her microphone, so her naked voice isn’t too exposed. I think Richie says it best when he announces, “I need more wine to get into this sh*t.”

Tweeting Ugly
When Jacqueline and Chris learn that Penny’s husband tweeted that they “faked” their son’s autism, they justifiably jump on the anti-Penny train and the gang-up is completely prepped for the Posche 2 premiere.

The party gets off to a good start as Juicy Joe gets his eyebrows plucked, but before long, Jacqueline confronts Penny, who says someone asked her to tweet nasty remarks about Jacqueline. Next in line for the bitchfest is Melissa, who finally gets Teresa and Penny in the same room. Penny reveals that Teresa was the original source of the anti-Melissa information, and that she merely spread the rumors on Teresa’s request.

We’ll have to wait for the finale to find out what happens next, but if the preview is any indication, it’s clear that punches will be thrown and the new Posche 2 will end up in disarray, with leopard jumpsuits tossed akimbo.

Season 5 Episode 17: Hair We Go Again (originally aired on September 22, 2013).

For more The Real Housewives of New Jersey, check out our other reviews.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey airs Sundays at 8 p.m. on Bravo.

Images courtesy of Tommy Garcia/Nino Munoz/Bravo.

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