The Real Housewives of New Jersey Review: Teresa Comes Clean

RHONJ - 1st image - Season 5You know what’s weird? Whenever someone I know has an issue with a rumor-spreading troublemaker, they avoid that person and dismiss their constant drama. Not so with the Real Housewives of New Jersey gals. They can’t ignore anything, or anyone. Which explains why, despite their history with Kim D’s fight-starting parties, they keep going back for more.

This week’s season finale was no different, as Teresa and Melissa talked to Kim D’s pal Penny, who is this year’s resident rumor-spreader. In an attempt to prove that she has nothing to do with Penny, Teresa suggests, “If we’re so close, then pull up my textess” (plural of texts, I think), to which Penny replies, “I don’t save textessess” (plural of textess, apparently).

When Penny’s husband Johnny enters the party, Kim D (who is scowling like Cruella De Vil in the corner) echoes what we’re all thinking by chanting “Oh God Oh God Oh God,” because Johnny is apparently the person behind the nasty Tweets that have been going around town. What kind of guy is interested in inserting himself into this kind of drama? That’s what Joe Gorga wants to know when he confronts Johnny, who points the finger at Teresa as the original source of the negative information. Then the camera goes Blair Witch-style, running all akimbo while we assume there’s a fistfight between some random people.

Kim D—whose new store is getting more publicity than if she had placed a Super Bowl ad—just stands there as an innocent bystander instead of just telling everyone to get out of her store. Well, Teresa shows HER—she announces that she will NOT be selling her “Milania” hair product line in Kim D’s new salon. So THERE, Kim D!

Following the party, everyone advises Teresa to finally just come out with the truth, so at a “tasting party” to sample new flavors of BLK water, Teresa admits to her brother that although she didn’t personally start or spread rumors, she didn’t do anything to stop them when she heard them. Which sounds like an extremely half-assed apology, since everyone already figured she had at least done that much, if not worse. Joe Gorga seems pleased about the apology. They both weep.

To the Shore
Teresa and Juicy Joe invite everyone to their shore house to survey the rehabilitation following the damage after Hurricane Sandy. It’s a humble, normal house without marble floors or gaudy statues– a departure for the Giudices, but as Kathy (and her new face) remind us, “We’ve all gone through a lot of changes this past year.”

Caroline likens the season’s drama to Hurricane Sandy—a perfect storm followed by months of rebuilding. But Teresa reminds us all that she “doesn’t know what the future holds”—a nod to the fraud charges against her and Juicy Joe, which also include existing DUI-related charges against Juicy. And if that’s the case, how is he still driving around town all the time?

Nonetheless, the finale was someone of a letdown, considering it doesn’t seem to be leading up to anything in the coming year (unless you count the “big news” that Caroline and Albert decided to stay in their mansion rather than move into a tiny Hoboken apartment where they were able to more efficiently henpeck their kids). Whether these ladies will return for another year of catfights and leopard print pants is anyone’s guess, and is partially dependent on how the Giudice’s court case turns out.

Season 5 Episode 18: Salon, Farewell (originally aired on September 29, 2013).

For more The Real Housewives of New Jersey, check out our other reviews.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey airs Sundays at 8 p.m. on Bravo.

Images courtesy of Tommy Garcia/Nino Munoz/Bravo.

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