Top Chef: “I Just Don’t Want Bryan To Be Top Chef”

And so … It’s finale time! We have Bryan Voltaggio in one corner: older, wiser, more restrained (per brother, Michael: “conservative”), with incredible technique. In the other corner, we have Michael Voltaggio: younger, edgier, self-described risk-taker and closest Tony Hawk look-a-like. Finally, in the last corner of our Top Chef equilateral Triangle of Culinary Death, we have Kevin: southerner, beard aficionado, pork-lover and the King of Simple Food. It is a battle we saw coming from the very beginning, especially when Jennifer started to implode. In fact, one might call this, the finale, the only episode worth watching. Okay, last week wasn’t that bad either, but we knew it would come down to these three anyway, right?

For the final challenge, the chefs must cook a three course meal, with three hours of prep on the first day and three hours to cook on the day of service. First twist: the first course will use ingredients from a mystery box. I actually like this twist, as it should be a good measure of creativity and skill. Noted: none of the chefs share my enthusiasm. In the box are the following items: Pacific Rockfish, Dungeness crab, kabocha squash, meyer lemon, matsutake mushroom, and anise hyssop.

Second course is a dish of the chefs’ choosing, and the final course is dessert. It did not occur to Kevin to use his time off to perfect a dessert … just in case. I hate it when the contestants always gripe about cooking dessert and not having a strong one in their arsenal. You know this is a potential challenge, folks. Bryan feels every chef should have at least one pastry in his repertoire, and he hasn’t even met me and he’s awesome, ergo … I am awe– Okay, sorry. I’m on a lot of cold meds right now.

Second twist! The chefs will have two sous chefs – one to help with prep, and the other to help cook. Enter all of the eliminated contestants, including Jennifer, Robin, and Hector (my fave). The three finalists draw knives to find out who they are stuck with have the honor of cooking with, and we have: Bryan with Ashley (prep) and Jennifer (cook); Michael with Jessie (prep) and Eli (cook); and Kevin with Preeti (prep) and Ash (cook).

Kevin’s usual sunny disposition hits a rough patch. Look at his sous chefs, after all. Preeti sets him back and ruins his good mood with her poor, slow prep. He manages to remain civil, but it’s an effort, even for him. Meanwhile, Bryan and Michael fly through their first day, further discouraging Kevin.

The mystery box proves a problem for the chefs, especially Michael, who struggles until the day of service to pull together a dish. Kevin’s only problem is the mushroom, as he’s not familiar with the ingredient.

On day two, Kevin’s adjusted his ‘tude, disappointed that he let Preeti’s power of suckage hold any sway over him. Then it’s … Third Twist! A knock at the door over morning coffee reveals not Padma (as anticipated) but instead Mama Kevin and Mama Voltaggio. Surprise! Kevin tears up and Bryan practically glows. He could not be happier that his mother is buttoning his shirt. Michael plays aloof when she adjusts his shirt cuffs, but you know he’s soaking it up. Because, you know, he has to.

Then it’s off to Cyrus Restaurant. Colicchio greets the chefs for … Fourth twist! This is practically an M. Night Shyamalan movie. Or an episode of Sunny. Anyway, the chefs must honor their mothers by cooking a fourth dish, in this case the first dish, which must be inspired by the mothers that the boys are honoring. Get it?

Bryan makes something with sardines for a play on tuna casserole, which I made all the time as a kid when my mom was working. I mean all the time. My brothers and sisters gag at the thought of it now. Kevin fries the skin of a chicken, which I feel would have great possibilities, but not before it gives me a coronary. Michael, who hated vegetables (I hear you, brother), makes popcorn broccoli.

Service. Fifth Twist! The mothers are seated at the table and will taste their sons’ mother-inspired dishes. As the judges (Padma, Colicchio, Gail and Toby) and assorted diners (including Douglas Keane, Bill Terlato, Donatella Arpaia, and Stephen Starr, among others) praise Kevin’s first course and bash the Voltaggios’, Mama V starts to panic (and tries sardines for the first time). Then Padma dismisses the mothers from the table so we can really get this party started. The dismissal is as weird as it sounds.

Then it’s to the heart of the meal. The menus first:  Kevin starts with rockfish in duck fat, roasted matsutake, roasted crab broth; then slow cooked pork belly, roasted broccoli & brussel sprouts, caramelized ham jus; and finishes for dessert, roasted banana, chocolate bacon mousse, and peanut bacon brittle.

Michael second course is butter poached rockfish, tomato-kombu sauce, sweet & sour salad; then fennel-scented squab, pistachio cassoulet, textures of mushrooms; and for dessert, chocolate caramel coulant, with butternut squash ice cream.

Bryan starts with sous vide rockfish, diced matsutake, with meyer lemon jam; next is venison saddle, brussel sprouts, sunchokes, maple-glazed carrots; finally, for dessert, sheep’s milk & white chocolate “dulce de leche” cheesecake, dry caramel, fig sorbet, poached pear.

In general, Bryan’s dishes lacked seasoning, tended to be conservative, and showed great technique. His dessert especially shows a lot of skill and finesse. Though all of his food proves to be delicious, Gail comments that nothing is inspiring.

Kevin’s mystery dish suffered from poorly cooked mushrooms, though the rest of the dish excelled. His pork disappoints a few of the diners for being undercooked, and Colicchio feels that he could have pushed the envelope a bit more. The judges and diners disagree over the use of bacon in the dessert, and Tom would have liked to have seen more creativity.

Michael served creative, well-seasoned dishes with great textures – though some aspects were “a gimmick.” What dooms him is his dessert, which Eli improperly prepared and then Michael overcooked. All of the judges remark on its dryness, and Colicchio calls it “almost a very good dessert.”

Before Judges’ Table, Kevin’s proud of his meal and for pulling it out after a tough start. Bryan’s confident with his dishes, but Michael fears that his dessert will ruin his chances for the win, as his worst dish was the last plate served to the judges.

At the Table, much of the comments are repeated, with a number of disagreements among the judges about seasoning, personal preferences, and lots of praise for each of the chefs. They all had high notes as well as low ones, and this will come down to who has the most glaring flaws.

After the exchange of comments, Padma asks each chef to explain why he should be Top Chef. Bryan expressed his cuisine all season long with his choices and style of cooking. Michael says, “I just don’t want Bryan to be Top Chef.” Good night, everybody! After the laughter stops, Michael explains that his emotions are in his food, and this is his life. Kevin has cooked food that is soulful and speaks to the kind of person that he is.

Good speeches, but over deliberation, none of that matters. The judges continue to argue over the same issues, reiterate the same disagreements and eventually hammer out a decision. Bring them back out, and Kevin … you are not Top Chef. He exits sadly.

And now, it’s down to the two Voltaggios, and again – is anyone surprised by this? Ultimately, it’s declaration time, and the Top Chef is … Michael Voltaggio! Mama V comes out to hug her boy, and after a nice long embrace, he pulls back with red, teary eyes. He turns to Padma and says, “there’s the emotion you’ve been looking for.” If only we’d seen some of this personality earlier in the season.

And there we are! The problems with this season mainly had to do with casting – though we definitely watched the strongest group in a long while, except for Jennifer all of the women were noticeably weaker than all of the men, which was a great disappointment. The Voltaggios, Kevin, and Jennifer (when she was on point), were of a different class than the competition, so that it was obvious early on who the finalists would be. Therefore, most of the season was a waiting game. A long, unwelcome game of who’s going to go home first with few surprises. As a result, a lot of the usual excitement didn’t exist.

As for the finalists, Michael deserved the win, so no argument there. Bryan and Kevin were also incredibly qualified, so no matter the outcome, we would have had a great, deserving winner. In general, I would have liked to have seen more of the friendship between the Voltaggios and anyone. I know there’s room in the editing for it, because Fabio and Stefan took up half of Season Five. We see bits and pieces of their dry sense of humor while interacting with the other chefs, but most of it feels deliberately cut out. In order to develop controversy and rivalries, the Voltaggio attitudes may have been exaggerated, but they seem to have been liked by everyone. It would have been nice to see a little more of their real personalities instead of the sketchy TC editing. Not that I expect anything else from my reality shows.

And with that, another season of Top Chef concludes. Thanks for reading along. Here’s to hoping Hector wins fan favorite at the reunion. Nevermind – I know it’s going to Kevin, and I’m okay with that too.

For another take on this episode, check out Did The Right Voltaggio Win? by Nicole Cukingnan.

Season 6, Episode 14: Napa Finale, Part 2 (original air date December 9, 2009)

For more on Top Chef, click here.

Wednesdays at 10/9C, Bravo

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal and Virginia Sherwood

Top Chef: Someone’s Going to Get Their Feelings Hurt

Here we are! Finally! At last! The finale of Top Chef: Las Vegas. Part One of a long, predictable season ends the way we all knew it would. But in case you want some actual details, read on!

First, Jennifer, Michael Voltaggio, Kevin, and Bryan Voltaggio arrive one by one at the Napa Valley Train Depot. It’s all very quaint and picturesque, just the way you imagine wine country to be. They all interview about how they want to win, and this is a competition, yo! (Had you forgotten? Don’t worry, they’ll repeatedly remind you!) We also learn there’s a Facebook page dedicated to Kevin’s beard. The marvels of the internet.

Then the Napa Valley Express rolls up, and who disembarks but a pregnant and banged Padma, and guest judge Michael Chiarello! Aw geez. Like I didn’t have to watch enough of this guy before. The good news is, Chiarello is less of a jerk this time around, probably due to editing because he’s not the star. Michael talks about his great respect for Chiarello, which isn’t surprising, personality-wise. I can imagine these two getting along really well.

Before I start receiving angry emails, I concede that though Chiarello came off as a huge jerk on Masters, he also came off as a brilliant chef, and I was occasionally nice to him. Moving on.

Quickfire. You know, I could have sworn Padma called the last Quickfire the last Quickfire. She claims the same here. The challenge: to create a dish that features grapes. Because this is Napa Valley. As if anyone will let you forget it. The chefs must cook while traveling on the Napa Valley Wine Train. As the last high stakes Quickfire, the chefs will also compete for a brand new Prius.

Everyone but Michael struggles to remember what competition tastes like, and Kevin’s motion sickness seems to have no effect on him. Besides that, we watch four good chefs create good dishes. When announcing the winner, Chiarello threatens to steal Jennifer’s recipe. But even so, Chiarello chooses Michael as the winner.

Elimination Challenge. At Brix, the chefs must cater the crush party for 150 people from the Rutherford Hills Winery. The ingredients must be raised or grown in the area. They will create two dishes: one vegetarian, the other to include a local protein.

Jennifer chooses to cook duck, with the intention of cooking it over a wooden burning oven to capture a smoky flavor. Unfortunately, she doesn’t maintain the oven, the fire burns out, and she decides to confit the duck in its own fat. Yum. Sounds nasty, but rest assured, the judges find it delicious. During his visit, Colicchio also notices that Jennifer’s nerves have made the journey with her to Napa Valley. This is irrelevant and important later. Wait for it.

Kevin makes brisket, which requires more time to cook perfectly than the time he has allotted. Despite Kevin’s confidence, Colicchio thinks Kevin is doomed. Michael has a long list of prep work, but we’re talking about Michael Voltaggio – he’ll be fine. Bryan uses local agriculture in his restaurant so he thinks he has this in the bag.

The brothers’ rivalry is a little awkward this week: Bryan tries to joke repeatedly with Michael, but Michael has no sense of humor in the kitchen. Whoops! Bryan interviews that he and Michael each want to beat the other, but they also want to make the final round together. Then Michael interviews that it would be a huge relief if Bryan were eliminated. Nicely done, guys.

Service goes well – we are, after all, dealing with the only most talented chefs from this season. Padma wears a weird dress. Sorry, Padma. The judges this week are Gail, Chiarello, and Colicchio.

All of the diners love each of the dishes they try, but the judges, naturally, have a few complaints. I think that the critiques we’re seeing concern nitpicking – these final four chefs are all professionals with great skill, so the judges have no choice but to find and exploit the subtle mistakes. A fact that Chiarello points out during Judges’ Table and it pains me to agree with him. Since, as usual, all of the comments are the same, let’s skip to…

Judges’ Table. Bryan’s short ribs and goat cheese ravioli are perfect, suffering only from a lack of pepper and salt. Michael’s turnip soup with foie gras terrine shows great vision, though it leaves a bitter taste in Gail’s mouth. Literally. Also, the egg in his vegetable pistou overpowers the rest of the dish, and is runny enough to gross out Padma. Kevin capitalizes on his simplicity again, specifically a salad with only roasted beets and carrots. Gail loves the color, and Colicchio especially praises his subtle flavoring and “restraint.” Despite compliments from the diners, Colicchio maintains the brisket was not fully prepared. Jennifer’s chevre mousse with mushrooms surprises Chiarello, who didn’t expect to enjoy it. Sadly for her, she’s too heavy with the salt. The judges spend time complimenting her duck, which was very “ducky.” Really. Colicchio asks her why she didn’t grill her duck, as she intended to do when he visited the chefs during prep. She admits that she let the oven burn out and would have preferred to grill it.

Deliberation, and then line them back up. Bryan’s delivery of two dishes with high degrees of difficulty lands him the win. He’s thrilled to survive the competition without ever being up for elimination. And the eliminated chef is … Jennifer, because of her heavy hand with salt and the nervousness Colicchio witnessed in the kitchen. She let the fire burn out in the oven, and that indicated that something was “not happening for [her].”

It’s sad to see Jennifer go because she started strong and had a nice comeback story developing. She tears up and continues to berate herself during her exit interview. I hope she learns to relax in her time off.

I will add that based on the reviews from the judges, Jennifer probably didn’t deserve to go this week – Michael Voltaggio seemed to have committed greater culinary sins. Though Jennifer has been the least consistent of the four, history isn’t supposed to play a role in the deliberations, so … I guess we’ll just have to trust that the judges know whereof they speak. As of course, they do, even with Chiarello on the panel.

Next week: The final finale! Really!

For another take on this episode, check out All Boys Club by Nicole Cukingnan.

Season 6, Episode 13: Napa Finale, Part 1 (original air date December 2, 2009)

For more on Top Chef, click here.

Wednesdays at 10/9C, Bravo

Photographs courtesy of  NBC Universal and Virginia Sherwood

Project Runway: The t-shirt is just a metaphor…

And so it comes down to this: three young women, fashion designers all, fighting it out with needles for swords and ideas for firepower, on a battlefield called The Runway. There may be no blood, but there are definitely tears. And hurt feelings.

And so! We pick up where we left off, with CH sick. Two days left until Bryant Park and she’s a weakened, weepy wreck. Logan and Christopher take turns consoling her, and even Irina spares the snark. Because CH is horrifically miserable, and no one can argue that. It’s nice that no one insists on quarantining her, considering CH was deemed contagious less than 48 hours ago.

Hair and makeup consultations (again?) and separately, Irina and Barbie both request approximately the same style of make-up. It’s not until Tim Time that the two women learn that once again, they have similar aesthetics. Because Tim visited Irina first, it appears, conveniently, that Barbie is copying Irina. I wonder, meanwhile, if Tim knew this already and is taking advantage of Barbie and the situation – we never hear Tim discuss make-up choices, despite Lifetime’s attempt to highlight the models and Garnier. Or is it L’Oreal this season? See? I don’t care! Anyway, if Tim did know, that kind of makes Tim a jerk, doesn’t it? Wow, I feel like I just said something sacrilegious. I feel guilty already. Or maybe the producers set Tim up somehow, and they’re the jerks and Tim’s just a victim. That’s it.

Anyway, the implied accusation that Barbie is unoriginal and swiping ideas from Irina hits home and she tears up. Tim tells her to pull it together.

As for the thirteenth look, Barbie’s bringing back shoulder pads (why???), Irina’s created another hot little black number which I’m really digging, and CH creates a slate blue-ish draped goddess dress. I dig this as well, unsurprisingly. I dig just about everything CH creates.

The day before Bryant Park, CH wakes up feeling worlds better. Which is good, because everyone spends the day stressing out and rushing to complete their collection. Gordana remarks that the rushing, frenzied Irina is so stressed that she’s “not so cool today” to work with. No, Gordana, not just today. Irina’s always been like that, just not to you.

And then they’re up at the crack of dawn the next morning to swing by Bryant Park, stare in awe at the runway, and share a nice quiet moment before the chaos begins. The women prove to be terrible at time management – Tim “is about … to … lose it,” because the models aren’t dressed when they should be. “This is crazy!” I mean, he just looks like a curmudgeonly old man as he glares at them. Never fear, though! Each collection goes off on time, without a hitch.

So before, we touch on the collections, Heidi walks out on the runway to introduce the show and the judges (Kors, Garcia, and Suzy Menkes). Heidi wears a shiny, hot pink suit with capri pants and shoulder pads. Like, serious shoulder pads. If that look really does come back, I won’t shop again until it disappears. Who thinks shoulder pads are a good idea? (Aside from Barbie.)

Speaking of, she’s up first! She’s showing us “a piece of [her] soul,” and apparently, her soul is very old school sci-fi sportswear. In general, I think her collection isn’t breaking any new ground; hand-knit sweaters with oversized sleeves, tight shirts and skinny pants, simple jackets… while the tailoring and styling is very clean, the majority of her clothes you can find now (and at the time this was actually filmed). Her standout dress is the simple look we see every year, either during the finale or made at least once (or twice) during the season’s run. None of her looks stand out for me, and many of her clothes seemed too similar.

Next up: Carol-Hannah. Her look is very near and dear to her heart. She has a lot of shiny, satin-y material, also something we see every year (and all season long), but CH’s stuff is pretty. She has several pieces I really like – the opening dress, the long purple dress, the poofy bottom dress, her draped thirteenth look. There were a few misses here as well. I thought, overall, she wasn’t as creative as she could have been. But then, CH never really pushed the envelope all season.

Finally, Irina. Home is where the heart is, and her heart is in NY. The collection “is about what it takes to survive in the city as a woman, it’s about comforting and shielding yourself…” Bring on the armor and military inspired clothing! It’s all black, with a few pieces of gray and light brown knitted and faux-fur wraps. I found many of the looks to be impractical or too basic, but there were a number of really interesting pieces in the mix. My favorites are her thirteenth look and a few of her jackets. It was the most couture of the three. I liked the black, but many of the details were lost because of the lights – but then, Nina warned Irina about that (and reminds us that she warned her). Of note, she also has oversized sweaters with too long sleeves. I don’t get that look, but it must be in because she and Barbie use it.

Judging. Suzy Menkes is rocking this There’s Something About Mary hair, and it’s very distracting at first. But she’s about the sweetest lady in the world and has great comments, so it becomes easy to overlook.

Irina’s up first. Kors says that the Warrior Woman has been done before. Heidi thinks it looks finished and expensive, and Nina likes the creativity and intimacy of Irina’s t-shirts. However, Nina calls her out on sticking with so much black. Kors commends Irina’s styling choices from the hats to the bags, and Heidi says she’d wear a number of pieces from Irina’s collection.

Heidi loves CH’s thirteenth dress, impressed by how quickly and expertly CH pulled the look together. CH receives a number of compliments about different dresses, with Kors complimenting her ability to mix the structured with the drapery. As a giant negative, Heidi points out that the collection wasn’t cohesive.

Kors applauds Barbie’s use of sportswear; Nina likes the splashes of color that Barbie added. Kors also likes a pair of silk pants that she created (part of her thirteenth look – the judges are impressed). My problem with that praise is that I have a friend who bought very similar pants last season – there’s nothing that original about what she did. But you’d think she just reinvented pants and/or silk considering how much Kors loves them. Nina points out that the last three looks didn’t match the rest of the collection, and that maybe Barbie tried to “hit too many notes.”

Over deliberation, the judges add a few more comments. CH has impeccable tailoring and played with color the most – she could have pushed it farther, however. Barbie is “very plugged into the street,” and her pieces are very relatable. Unfortunately, the collection didn’t “tell a tale.” No one thinks as I do, that too much of it looked similar. Irina has edge, and put together the best “collection.” Her concept was creative, but her choice to do a gown seems forced.

Line them back up, and the first elimination: CH. My heart breaks. Mainly because, for the reasons stated above, she should have at least beat Barbie. If you could see me, I’m kicking my feet into the dirt like a child.

Between Irina and Barbie….drum roll…Irina wins! She immediately starts crying, and that’s kind of nice to see because the rest of the time Irina’s not human. Even the visit to her home last week felt like she was saying and doing everything that she was supposed to as opposed to it feeling natural. But just like there’s a soft, intimate t-shirt hidden underneath the hard, armored layers of Irina’s clothes, the soft side of Irina comes out from behind her emotional armor. We finally see her want the win, not feel that she deserves it. She was unpleasant through most of the season, but I have no problem with Irina’s win – she’s created some stunning pieces and absolutely presented the stronger  collection today.

Heidi invites Irina’s family out, and we see her dad crying because he’s so happy. Well, I think we can end this season and this review with me admitting that her father’s tears had me reaching for a tissue.

All in all, a season with a lot of talent – a lot of similar talent, but still a lot of talent. No one pushed any of the challenges as far as they could have, but we still saw a few amazing looks. Some of the personalities were boring, but there was Irina and Nicolas and Johnny crying. Remember him? Good times. Despite the season being a little lackluster, I did enjoy it, like the way I enjoy candy. It tastes good and it’s fun while it lasts, but just while it lasts. When the episode was over, Project Runway was easy to forget, but it was fun while it was on.

A lot of fun, yes, but no Season 2. Then again – I don’t think we can ever strike that magic twice.

Until next season, make it work!

Season 6, Episode 14: Finale Part II  (originally aired November 19, 2009)

For more on Project Runway, click here.

Thursdays at 10pm EST on Lifetime

Photographs courtesy of Lifetime

Top Chef: Is This A Kissing Book?

Don’t get your hopes up – this week is just another step towards the finale. And by that, I mean that the end result shouldn’t surprise you. And as much as I’d like to skip right to the end…

Pre-Quickfire chatter. Bryan needs money, Kevin misses his wife, and did you know that Richard Blais is Eli’s mentor? I want to say that Eli should be a little stronger then as a chef, if only because Richard pretty much carried his season. Anyway, he hopes to win this one for Richard too, as in an Inigo Montoya kind of way. Except he calls him “Indigo” which means Eli should lose just for screwing that name up. Jennifer admits that she needs to step it up this week since she’s fallen so far from the top. Good idea, Jennifer!

Quickfire. James Beard Rising Chef Award Winner Gavin Kaysen serves as guest judge. Kaysen also represented the U.S. in the 2007 Bocuse d’Or. Here’s a link with explanation. Kevin and Padma try to explain what a big deal the Bocuse is, but I only believe that it is an awe-inspiring event because Michael Voltaggio is impressed. That is not an easy feat, so this must be the real deal. For the challenge, the chefs must recreate their own version of Gavin’s Bocuse d’Or dish, which was a protein, within a protein, within a protein.

During the Quickfire, it’s interviews time! Michael says that Jennifer’s hit a wall and can leave now, thank you very much. Kevin thinks he and Eli, now great friends, are the real risk-takers in the group because they cook down home food on Top Chef. Bryan interviews that Kevin has less finesse than he does; he concedes that simplicity’s okay if you do it correctly and sounds like less of a jerk than Michael does (wait for it).

Kaysen didn’t care for Kevin’s or Michael’s dishes. They both disagree, especially Michael (naturally). Kaysen chooses Jennifer for the win, and some of her confidence returns. No immunity, but does receive an extra thirty minutes to cook in the …

Elimination challenge. The Top Chef version the Bocuse d’Or: the chefs must create a presentation platter with one protein (lamb or salmon) and two garnishes. The diners will include the judges, Kaysen, the American advisory board to the selection committee for the Bocuse, and representatives of the American Advisory Board of the Bocuse d’Or, and Thomas Keller. Again, Michael is impressed, so I am impressed. They will be judged on taste, creativity, and execution.

Shopping and home to watch a DVD about the Bocuse d’Or, except for Michael, who skips the DVD for bedtime. Then discussion of menus, and Kevin asks about cooking sous vide, as it’s a technique that he’s not familiar with. Bryan explains the details, and interviews that if someone asks a question and knows that he knows the answer but he refuses to help, that makes him a prick. He’s not sure if Michael would have offered the help that he had. I’m pretty sure Michael wouldn’t. But that’s something that makes Bryan a class act. Possibly something that sets him up to lose to Kevin later, but still, a class act.

Although now I worry for Kevin, because when they try new things during competition, those chefs tend to lose. He says, however, that the technique is appropriate for the challenge. He plans to give complex flavor wrapped up in a neat, simple bundle. Michael, however, calls Kevin’s food “the food I cook on my day off.” Kevin’s consistently cooked good food, but nothing “impressive.”

Colicchio checks in. He also worries about Kevin’s decision to try a new technique. He hopes winning the Quickfire will ease some of Jennifer’s nerves, and is afraid that Eli’s losing sight of the details. He also lets everybody know that the winner will receive $30,000. Yikes! Now that’s a prize.

Service. Gail’s back! Kevin’s dish pops, but it “is a little elementary for the amount of time that he had and … the quality of chef that he is.” Michael leaves a bone in one serving, and loses major points for claiming to have a Mediterranean theme, because the diners find the flavors disparate and not Mediterranean. Bryan sends out his food, disappointed with the presentation. The diners believe that with a little more time, Bryan would have delivered an excellent dish, but he just fell short today. Eli’s lamb is undercooked, poorly cut, and carries much more fat than it should, making it generally uneatable. Jennifer’s dish tasted good, but was not well thought out. Some of her salmon was perfectly cooked, while other pieces were undercooked. However, she does receive praise for presentation.

After service, Keller announces that the winner will be awarded a spot to compete for the 2011 Bocuse d’Or, and hopefully represent the United States.

Judges’ Table. Many of the same comments from the dinner are repeated here and over deliberation. So the chefs line up to answer questions, leave, then line back up for the verdict. And the winner: Kevin! Sous vide that, bitches! Tom says that each of the remaining chefs had problems with their dishes, though they are each applauded for the amount of work they put in. And going home…Eli!

Come on, you’re not really surprised are you?

Eli gives his exit interview stoically, until the very end when he loses it. He’s okay with losing to the four who remain, and this is probably the most likeable Eli has been all season – he’s usually a little too snarky (leave that to us, Eli). Unless Jennifer knocks them dead next weekend, she’ll be going home next.

Next week: Padma has bangs, cooking on a train, and the last elimination before the finale!

For another take on this episode, check out And Then There Were Four by Nicole Cukingnan.

Season 6, Episode 12: Culinary Olympics (originally aired November 18, 2009)

For more on Top Chef, click here.

Wednesdays at 10/9C, Bravo

Photographs courtesy of  NBC Universal and Trae Patton

ANTM: America’s Next Top Model Is…

What’s up America? It’s time for Tyra to pick your next Top Model. And, lest you forget, this Top Model is more special than any of the others because our winner this cycle is short. Tyra’s changing the entire industry, remember?

And into the inane filler that is the finale we go. Let’s save us all some time: Kentucky grew up poor and battles the negative stigma that sometimes comes with dyslexia. Teachers called her a hopeless cause and no one thought she’d amount to anything. But now look at her! Nicole is awkward, ate her lunch in the bathroom stall so that no one could see her sitting alone, and battled stage fright and homesickness to stay in the competition. She cried after casting because she didn’t think she’d be able to do it. But now look at her!

They’re competition, but they’re friends (at least Nicole thinks so, Kentucky doesn’t share the same thoughts in her interviews) and they don’t underestimate each other’s strengths. Yet, they each believe they have what it takes to edge out the other.

You’re welcome. That nonsense took up seventy-five percent of the episode.

To the plot! Tyra Mail delivers Cover Girl scripts to memorize overnight. Cue the “dyslexics have trouble memorizing lines” reminders. The next day, the girls arrive on set to Mr. Jay in a green pea coat. It’s … disconcerting, his coat. They’ll film their commercials and take their beauty shot, photographed by none other than Nigel Barker.

Kentucky shoots her commercial first, and though she has a hard time with her lines, she eventually pulls out a successful commercial. Jay says that she didn’t allow herself to become flustered, and therefore, even if she messed up, she delivered the next line with enthusiasm, giving the editors something to work with. Go Kentucky! She’s very proud of herself and for showing that dyslexics can do anything. It’s a nice moment because you know it means the world to her. On the other side of the set, Nigel describes his shoot with Nicole, who he praises for always rocking her shoots. She performs whenever asked.

Then, things get silly. Nigel photographs Kentucky and criticizes her for not thinking about a boyfriend to help light up her eyes. Instead she thinks about milkshakes. He really believes, therefore, that she’s not giving 100%. How are milkshakes bad? Chocolate chip cookies do it for me. And – I’ve avoided saying this before now, but I’ll finally admit it – I’m starting to dislike Nigel. I mean, I’d still marry him tomorrow if he left his wife and proposed, because I could save him from himself and the web of self-indulgence that is Tyra Banks. But until then, he really needs to get over himself. A milkshake? Come on, Nigel: the milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard.

Meanwhile, Jay tells Nicole her delivery of the commercial lines makes her sound like a snob. In the end, she provides a good take, but they don’t show it. Translation of the silliness: the producers need to make this look like a competition, with real suspense. Uh oh, Kentucky messed up her photo! Uh oh, Nicole messed up her commercial! That’s fine, but this sets up the judges to sometimes, especially in Nigel’s case here, sound petty.

Back at the house, Ann Shoket drops by with hair and make-up and Gilles Bensimmon for the Seventeen cover photo shoot. Right there in the house. How glamorous. As usual, Shoket can’t begin to guess who will win. Later, Tyra arrives so we can hear again about the dyslexia and social outcast handicaps. Re-watching this segment, it’s surprising that neither girl realizes that Tyra talks to them like they’re four year olds. No really, watch it again. I really think Bianca or Brittany would have smacked Tyra if she’d tried that with them.

The next day, it’s the Julie Clancey fashion show. With special guests, Sundai, Erin, Brittany and Jennifer! Jay calls it a big deal to bring back eliminated contestants, but I’d guess they needed short models for the runway. The show is a play on the elements; for example, the girls walk towards a high-powered fan to represent wind and walk through sprinklers to represent water. It looks great and I applaud the concept. From where I sit on my couch, Kentucky out-walks Nicole, but there are no major fashion catastrophes. It’s really a shame that Brittany didn’t last longer, but I hope she’ll eat something now. She’s so thin!

To the panel! Tyra leads Nigel and Ms. J in the critiques. Did anyone notice that Paulina was missing? First for consideration: a history of the photo shoots. The critiques are even, with one negative photo each (Kentucky during week four and Nicole during the group challenge). In general, Nicole has a more positive portfolio. Then to the most recent commercial, and Tyra banishes Kentucky’s ghosts of dyslexias past, and Nicole comes off relatable. Both also hear negative reviews, but I think that Nicole actually had a better performance. For all the comments about her monotone, Daria voice, she definitely learned to break that habit on-screen. Even her interviews are more animated (no Daria-animation pun intended). The judges call Kentucky’s Cover Girl beauty shot “hot” and “sexy,” and Nicole’s photo “relaxed” and “confident.” Again, Nicole’s chosen photo looks better than Kentucky’s, and I tend to think there was a better photo for Kentucky in the batch. They gloss over these photos quickly, a change from seasons past.

Finally, we discuss the runway. The judges were unsurprised that Kentucky walked so well, with Tyra saying that she looked like she’s been doing this for years. Kentucky’s been practicing in the aisles of Wal-Mart for ages, so I guess so! Tyra tells Nicole that she saw her walk at the show and thought, “what the heck is this walk?” But then says Nicole’s stomping is her signature walk. What??? When has Nicole’s lack of fluidity been called anything other than an excuse for elimination? In seasons past, Ms. J has not put up with a walk like that, but here it’s okay? That’s baloney – I don’t doubt that over the course of the entire season Nicole outperformed or did as well as Kentucky, but let’s not make up complete fiction here.

Over deliberation, it’s more of the same, with the judges adding a few comments about how the girls come across live and in person. But again, I think we all know who our winner will be.

Bring the two hopefuls back out and … there can be only one … America’s Next Top Model is … Nicole! She’s shocked and subdued as only Nicole can be. Kentucky cries immediately. She wanted this very, very badly. She knows that her family, especially her grandmother, will be proud of her anyway. But even so, her heart is clearly broken. Of all the girls who I have hoped would have careers after this … I really hope Kentucky does. Tyra tells her that she’s truly beautiful inside and out. And in one of those rare moments, Tyra and I agree. Kentucky deserves to make a gajillion dollars at this modeling thing, because she is such a nice person. And nice people deserve the win sometimes.

But Nicole’s also a nice person, quirky and kooky, and she deserves a win, too. So she grins like a fool during all of the congratulations, calls herself a nerd, and immediately rushes to her photo shoot with Tyra. The funny part is watching Tyra compete with Nicole for the spotlight, because Nicole has a natural fierceness and great smize.

And that’s it! Another cycle down! We learned that short girls can be just as petty as tall girls, but short girls can get away with poor runway walks. They also really do have it harder than tall models, because they have to go through repetitive challenges and aren’t allowed to travel overseas. And don’t forget that dyslexia isn’t funny (even when ANTM thinks it is) and Blackface is offensive, even in fashion. Wow. Tyra really is changing the world. I feel smarter already.

Until next cycle …

For another take on this episode, read That’s all folks…at least until the next one by Trisha Huntsman.

Season 13, Episode 12: America’s Next Top Model Is… (originally aired November 18, 2009)

For more on America’s Next Top Model, click here.

Wednesdays at 8/7c on The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW, Ryan Goble

Project Runway: Forget the Big Guns: I’m Taking a Tank to Bryant Park

I’ve heard complaints about this season, about how the designers aren’t as creative (see last week) or have been, overall, boring to watch (see the entire season) compared to previous contestants. Both of these points are true: While the talent is definitely there in terms of sophistication and skill, many of the designers have had similar tastes and aesthetics (although Irina calls it stealing) and most of the time, the interviews given are exposition of things we’re watching happen on screen. Nicolas and Irina were kind enough to criticize their fellow designers thereby giving us some drama, but otherwise, we’ve had a fairly lackluster season, without any real breakout designs or stars (I can’t believe I miss Kenley!). Some good designs, yes, but I don’t think we have any Christian Siriano military outfits emblazoned in our brains.

Nevertheless, we’re into Part I of the finale this week, and even I’m excited.  I continue to root for CH’s win, but she’d have to be pretty spectacular to beat Irina, who has had the greatest success and some of the best work all season. Unless Irina suddenly screws up somewhere, she’s the one to beat. Unfortunately Barbie, though smarter than your average plastic doll (and much more creative), hasn’t designed much that I’ve really enjoyed. Which doesn’t mean anything, except that while I wish her success after the show, I’m hoping she doesn’t win. And that right there is setting me up for trouble.

But on to this week’s episode: Talk about filler! I was tempted to write: Tim visited the designers, they came to NYC, CH fell ill, Irina “borrowed” some copyright images, and oh wait, now design another look. That’s really it right there. But for those who want a little more detail, here we go.

Tim visits the three remaining designers: CH on Long Island (holla!), Irina on the UES (paging all Gossip Girls) and Barbie in Dayton, Ohio. CH found inspiration in the architecture and whimsical atmosphere of Duke University at night. Irina calls upon her hometown of Brooklyn and Coney Island for ideas, and Barbie’s inspiration comes from sci-fi movies, with their different fashion shapes and strong women. Each designer receives praise and advice, and each of them take Tim’s words to heart. The most notable piece of these visits is that one of Irina’s looks is based around postcard-like images screened onto t-shirts. Tim calls her ten days before Fashion Week starts to inform her that the images she chose are copyrighted, and therefore, unusable. Uh oh! Now, what’ll she do?

When the ladies arrive for Fashion Week, only Irina and Barbie show at the Grand Hyatt, fighting the awkwardness that comes from one person having accused the other of fashion plagiarism. It gives the editors something to work with, which almost makes you think someone might have poisoned CH to keep her out of the picture. Speaking of…

Tim arrives at the hotel to deliver the news that CH is sick with a contagious stomach bug and won’t be joining them. However, she does make an appearance the next day at the workroom, much to the disappointment/concern of Irina and Barbie.

Tim swings by for some Tim Time.  He uses “matronly” again to describe some of Barbie’s clothes, and wonders if the collection is cohesive. Irina takes note of Barbie’s knits, and “jokingly” says to her, “Althea, what would you do without me? You have a good memory.” It’s a really good dig, but Barbie doesn’t appreciate it as much as I do. Also, Irina didn’t introduce knits or oversized sweaters to the world, so she could back off, but then what on earth about this episode would entertain us? Tim and CH go back and forth about what does and doesn’t work, and Barbie interviews that CH doesn’t intimidate her, because her collection is “very Carol Hannah.” See? Not nearly as good as Irina’s shots.

Irina swapped images of New York for text about New York on her t-shirts. The biggest issue is that her collection is all black and gray. And a pair of leather pants that look like chaps. Hmmm. Barbie tries to get some digs in about Irina’s pieces, but she’s so out of her league there, it’s not worth repeating.

Up next is model casting. No catfights over models. Then Kors and Nina stop by to offer advice and answer questions. Specifically, Nina says that an all black collection can prove difficult to editorialize. Irina notes Nina’s comments, but sticks to her guns about excluding color.

Then it’s time for model fittings, and then Heidi arrives! Looking amazing, as usual. Guess why she’s there? You know why! It’s time to add a thirteenth look to each collection. The interviews indicate that the three ladies are surprised by this, but they’ve all seen this show before, so they know what to expect. In walk Gordana, Christopher, and Logan to provide help. Barbie chooses first and picks Logan, Irina chooses Gordana, and CH happily accepts Christopher. The designers sketch then head to Mood.

They work the rest of the afternoon, but by the end of the day, CH is back at the hotel stuck in the bathroom, dealing with another flare up of her stomach virus. This is really not good for her.

And then it’s all: Next week on Project Runway…

So, as you can see, nothing really happens except plenty of set up. Despite this and the general criticisms of the show, I can’t wait to see what comes down the Runway next week. Hopefully, CH overcomes her stomach bug so she can perform up to her standards and go through with the show. Personally, I’m hoping Tim Gunn has a meltdown.

Next week: Panic, Illness, and Tim almost loses it. It’s the Finale, Part II!

Season 6, Episode 13: Finale Part I  (originally aired November 12, 2009)

For more on Project Runway, click here.

Thursdays at 10pm EST on Lifetime

Photographs courtesy of Lifetime

Top Chef: The Quiver of a 17th Century Courtesan’s Inner Thigh

After last week’s fun Top Chef Reunion dinner, with its gathering of favorites (and favorites we love to hate) from previous seasons, this week seems a little bit of a downer. Can we just eliminate Robin and Eli already? And as much as I don’t want to see it, as she’s always been a favorite, let’s get on with Jennifer’s self-induced implosion. I’d love it if she turned things around, but she’s not giving me reason to have faith.

Quickfire. At the Venetian, the chefs must cook room service / breakfast in bed for Padma and guest judge, Nigella Lawson. Because, you know, there are a lot of hotels in Vegas, and by extension, a lot of room service.

To make an otherwise tame Quickfire more exciting, Robin goes first and leaves her station a mess for Michael V., who follows her and ends up pissed off that he has to clean up. As a result, he snaps at her and she takes offense, stalking off with a few swear words. Isn’t it exciting? Yawn!

Nigella’s least favorites are Bryan (what???) and Robin. Her top picks are Eli and Kevin, with Eli taking the win. No immunity, but he’ll be the only chef from Season 6 with a recipe in the new Top Chef Quickfire Cookbook. He considers this an honor.

Elimination challenge. The chefs must cater a party for 175 people, with their meals inspired by a particular hotel on the strip. They draw knives, with the results: Bryan & Mandalay Bay; Eli & Circus Circus; Mike & New York, New York; Jennifer & Excalibur; Kevin & the Mirage; and Robin & the Bellagio.

A quick montage shows the chefs touring their hotels to find inspiration. Mike makes chicken wings, which isn’t really New York food as much as it is bar food, but I’ve ordered wings in New York, so … maybe he’s on to something. Jennifer opts for steak after watching the Tournament of Kings and recalling The Sword in the Stone. Steak is medieval, yo! She interviews that she’s unsure about a direction for her dish, which is usually a bad sign. As a fan of medieval times (not Medieval Times) and The Sword in the Stone, I feel like she missed a really fun opportunity here. Bryan chooses fish based on his visit to the Shark Reef (which seems wrong) and the Reef’s message of sustainability. Robin goes with panna cotta inspired by the Dale Chihuly art in the Bellagio. She hasn’t made panna cotta very often, but that’s okay, because that always works out so well for her, doesn’t it? It never lands her in the bottom, right? Oh, wait.

Kevin’s a simple foods kind of guy, using the Mirage’s tropical setting to help develop his dish of wild Alaskan salmon. He talks a bit about his desire to create big flavors with a subtle touch. Circus Circus challenges Eli, who takes his interpretation literally. He decides to combine junk food into a soup. I know – this makes no sense. Nevertheless, he makes a  peanut and caramel apple  soup with pulverized popcorn. He tops this with whipped raspberry juice to mimic the pink dome of the hotel.

The chefs all talk about the intimidation of serving 175 people with only three hours of cooking and short on-site prep time. Robin also notes Eli’s struggle with his menu, and interviews about pushing herself so that she can remain in the competition. She deserves to be here, and you know this is true because she repeats this at least twice every episode.

Service. Gail’s out and Toby’s back, along with Padma, Colicchio, and Nigella. Jennifer’s steak requires an Excalibur-like sword to cut her stone-like steak. Nigella’s not very creative with the metaphors. Toby could have used more of the wine reduction that Jennifer used sparingly. Kevin’s dish, specifically his use of flavors and spices, earn him rave reviews from all of the judges. Michael’s dish surprises all of the judges with how much they like it. Or maybe I’m reading too much into it, because they don’t seem impressed when he hands them chicken wings. Robin’s panna cotta smells delicious, but the texture is far too solid. Padma tries to defend Robin’s inspiration, but Tom’s having none of it. Bryan’s dish has balance and tastes “professional.” Nigella is afraid of Eli’s soup, and Padma flat out doesn’t like it. The grainy texture dooms the dish as a failure.

Judges’ Table. The Top Three are Kevin, Michael and Bryan. Preview of the finale! Compliments to everyone, with Michael winning the challenge, along with a bottle of Terlato wine and a trip to the Terlato vineyard in Napa Valley.

That leaves Jennifer, Eli and Robin in the losers bracket. Jennifer says she’s not surprised by her placement. She thinks her dish was boring and unfocused. Colicchio agrees, and Nigella points out that the meat was too tough. Toby calls it more Spamalot than Camelot. I include this quote only because of how much I loved Spamalot on Broadway. Amazing! Robin calls herself a jerk for playing with elements she’s not familiar with. Nigella, trying to outdo Toby, says the texture of the panna cotta should have “the quiver of a 17^th century courtesan’s inner thigh.” What? And … cool? I take back the comment about her metaphors lacking creativity. Colicchio asks Robin if she’s influenced by the other chefs’ tricks, and she admits that she’s envious and inspired. Oh, that’s asking for it, Robin. The judges criticize the texture of Eli’s soup, and then his efforts to fix his mistakes. Colicchio calls the soup a failure, and Padma says she’d never want to eat that dish again.

Over deliberation, the judges note that Jennifer started strong and is perhaps not a marathon competitor. Panna cotta is “child’s play” and Robin couldn’t make such a simple dish. In the Stew Room, Robin cries to herself and Jennifer confesses to Kevin that she’s ready to go. We have no way of knowing if this comment is taken out of context.

Bring them back out, and finally! It’s time to say good-bye to Robin. She cries during her exit interview, sad to leave but looking forward to the future. I’m sure she’s a very nice lady, but I’m just not sorry to see her go. And now I feel a little bad about it. But not so bad that I want her to stick around.

Next week: Bryan and Kevin mess up, and Mike hates Kevin’s food. More importantly, it’s almost finale time!

For another take on this episode, check out Who Knew Stripping Could Be Boring by Nicole Cukingnan.

Season 6, Episode 11: Strip Around the World (originally aired November 11, 2009)

For more on Top Chef, click here.

Wednesdays at 10/9C, Bravo

Photographs courtesy of  NBC Universal and Trae Patton

America’s Next Top Model: Hawaiian Hip Hop

And then there were four! Let’s start with the end: the conclusion of this episode is much more exciting than the recycled Teach and Challenge, and much is made of the photo shoot that never comes about – it’s pretty clear who’s going to the finale and even Tyra knows that. So maybe that’s why we’re treated this week with a double elimination of two Ty-testants. It doesn’t matter to me – all I know is we’re one episode away from the finale. So let’s get to it!

Erin decides she needs a kick ass photo shoot to save herself and stay out of the bottom two for the fourth week in a row. At the start, the girls don’t know that only two will survive this week, so they all just want to do better than the worst person. Jennifer’s proud of herself for not giving up, and Nicole appreciates this experience because of how much she has grown, both as a model and as a person.  Kentucky can’t quite believe she’s still here, choking back tears as she mentions that just a few months ago, she was castrating cows. I stop eating the hamburger I was having for dinner.

For this week’s challenge, the girls learn how to mix traditional hula dancing with hip hop. It’s pretty cool to watch and we don’t see enough of it, except that this is basically a recycled version of the Benny Ninja challenge. The girls must incorporate a traditional hula solo into a hip hop hula routine, complete with background dancers. They will be judged on the storytelling aspects of their solo and their overall dancing abilities.

Jennifer’s confused by the concept, Kentucky’s all about faking it until she makes it, Nicole still hasn’t learned how to dance or retain choreography, and Erin thinks she should win because she was a cheerleader. She helps the girls learn the group choreography, much to Nicole’s dismay, because remember: Erin’s annoying. The editing backs this claim up.

The girls do their dances for Ms. J and the hula teacher. Kentucky wins for putting together the most comprehensive solo story with knockout butt shaking. She chooses Jennifer to join her for an all expenses paid trip back to Hawaii, staying at the Four Seasons. Damn! Erin thinks Kentucky should have picked her, because she helped everyone with the dance steps. Erin, however, hasn’t received the memo about how she comes off to everyone else. I wonder how she’s going to react when she sees herself on television.

Photo shoot. At the Secret Beach, Jay Manuel explains that the girls will be made up as the Volcano Goddess, Pele, with the shoot taking place on volcanic rock with the crashing waves of the ocean in the background. Then he drops the bomb that two people will be Ty-minated (aka, eliminated) at panel. The girls all freak. Except for Nicole, who accepts the challenge and then steps up to it.

Jennifer tries to be creative, but fails. She ignores Jay’s advice until she realizes he’s right, and generally struggles to time her shots with the waves in the background. Nicole clears her mind of the double elimination, and seems to nail shot after shot. She does so well that Jay “just peed in his pants.” I love her hair.

Kentucky battles nerves throughout the entire shoot, not reacting well to criticisms. She interviews that she panicked too much and lost it, and when she stopped having fun, she messed up. Jay tells her she looked a little “boozy.” It would appear that Kentucky just tanked her chances at making it to the finale.

Erin looks beautiful, but Jay tells her she looks angry. She starts singing a song in her head, “one of those pop songs that teenagers listen to.” Isn’t she eighteen? You’d think she was hitting thirty or something. Nevertheless, her trick works, and her face softens. The photo becomes “magical,” according to Jay. Then she bangs her head on the photographer’s light as she descends from the rocks. Funny, but unnecessarily mean to show onscreen. Nice, editors.

Judging. Guest judge: Ann Shoket.

Erin looks beautiful and long in her photo, impressing everyone but Ms. Jay, who thinks she could have added more to her eyes. Tyra tells her that she looked sleepy in most of her film. Nigel calls Jennifer’s photo pretty, but not her best angle. She’s too compact and small. She explains that she tried other things, and Tyra shoots her down by telling her that she looked amateur and unfocused in the other photos. Kentucky looks like Rachel Hunter, and Ms. Jay calls her “the gold tooth in a mouth full of decay.” This is meant as a compliment, meaning she can turn it on, but that’s the oddest compliment ever. Her photo blows the judges away. I think her face looks as awkward as is humanly possible, but she’s clearly safe and all that editing during the photo shoot about her boozy appearance was probably meant to make us wonder who would be cut. But it ain’t Kentucky, so let’s move on! Tyra chooses a photo for Nicole that makes her look awkward – this cannot be her best shot. It gives Nigel a chance to criticize her lack of movement and angles, because I’m sure the intent is to hear something negative about everyone to build suspense. As if, Tyra! Despite Nigel’s comments, the other judges love Nicole’s photo, so I think we know how this will end.

I won’t go over deliberation, because really – will anyone be surprised with the eliminations? The girls line back up, and called first: Nicole. Audiences everywhere say: Duh. Tyra calls up the final three for a short lecture about their faults: Jennifer’s lost her way and has become inconsistent; Kentucky’s not much of a model in person despite amazing photos; and Erin started strong but collapsed, even though she nailed a great photo this week. The second girl on her way to the finale: Kentucky. Duh again! Erin and Jennifer share a double hug with Tyra, not worthy of solo time. Erin calls it “a punch in the face,” to make it this far only to be eliminated. Jennifer’s heart has been ripped out, but she’s much more positive.

And now it’s time for the final runway! I want Kentucky to win, but I’m pretty sure Nicole will take it. However, I’ll be happy with either girl as winner because I like them both a lot. So way to go, Tyra. You got this one very, very right!

Next week: Finale!

For another take on this episode, read Dancing = Destroyed by Trisha Huntsman.

Season 13, Episode 11: Hawaiian Hip Hop (originally aired November 11, 2009)

For more on America’s Next Top Model, click here.

Wednesdays at 8/7c on The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW, Ryan Goble

Project Runway: I’m Going to Go With, What’s the Point?

In a very under-hyped “twist,” we lose two people this week in the last challenge before the finale. I’m more excited by this than any of the designers. They’re looking forward to Fashion Week, and I’m looking forward to cutting the last two hangers-on, because let’s face it – we’re in Top Chef-land now, where we all know who should be at the end but we suffer waiting through the weaker folk to screw up again so we can whittle things down. If it weren’t so obvious who should be in the finals, this could’ve been exciting.

And so! We open with talk of pressure and tension: Christopher’s shocked that he’s the last man standing, clearly not having paid attention to the talent level among the women this whole season. Although I, too, thought some of the men would have made it farther than Logan. Irina and Barbie fake their way through last week’s “It was my idea first” shenanigans, and at some time, Irina and Gordana became friends. Now it’s Irina and Gordana versus CH and Barbie. It’s such a natural girl thing that I’m depressed watching it unfold. We can be so catty.

For the challenge, the designers meet Tim at The Getty Center. They tour the museum to find inspiration, which is a great final challenge that worked well during Season Four at the Met and should become a standard. It also makes the Michael Kors challenge look even more silly. The designers have $300 and two days to complete this challenge.

The inspirations: CH chooses the European decorative arts and an 18^th century French bed. Barbie draws inspiration from the architecture of the Getty Building, while Christopher also remains outside to study a rock fountain. Irina picks the painting “Mischief and Repose” from John William Godward. Gordana finds a painting of Monet that reminds her of her home in Europe.

The interviews: Christopher talks yet again about a person like me from a place that I’m from with the formal education that I lack…needless to say, Bryant Park would be amazing for him. Barbie feels alienated because everyone has a buddy except for her. She deals by taking over several work room tables, prompting more tension and irritation from Irina. How many ways can we say petty? The tension continues to escalate as the women start snapping at each other. Nothing vicious, just enough to let people know where they stand. Thankfully, we don’t see most of it. We also hear some about Irina’s family from the Republic of Georgia. Her father thinks she’s ancient at 26 and can’t understand her independence or her lack of husband. For her, Bryant Park will validate her passion with her family.

Tim Time. Christopher’s dress doesn’t have a “wow” factor, and Tim warns him to use an editing eye. He loves CH’s dress but doesn’t want her to lose the sophistication as she develops other ideas. Irina’s dress worries Tim, and for the first time, she receives a negative critique. Tim is perplexed and troubled over Barbie’s construction methods. He tells her to bring a critical eye, because she’s walking a fine line. Gordana cries during her Tim Time, because the painting and her work mean so much to her. This is her most personal piece, and though Tim loves it, he concedes he has no idea what the judges will say. Gordana stands behind her piece because of how much of herself is represented in it.

CH worries about Barbie’s dress because the material doesn’t lend itself to pleating. Irina incorporates Tim’s advice. Barbie calls Gordana’s dress beautiful but not a “last challenge” dress to wow the judges. She thinks the same of Irina’s dress. Irina calls Christopher’s confidence misplaced and says that his dress will land him in trouble. Again. She points out that Barbie is scrambling, as usual, and that a lot of her work lacks polish and finishing.

Runway. Judges: Heidi, (no Kors – is he even a judge anymore, technically?), Nina Garcia, Cynthia Rowley, Cindy Crawford.

Barbie: Ok. Looks like a quilt. CH: Beautiful, simple. Christopher: Beautiful. Gordana: Nice, but oddly shaped. Irina: Relaxed, in her style, but too oversized.

I think this season’s museum challenge fails miserably against Season Four’s productions. As a final challenge, none of these dresses are “big” enough. Except for Barbie, they’re all beautiful, but none of them have a “wow” factor (maybe CH) and none of them seem to be so iconic of their creators that you want to know what else they can do. They’re all relatively simple and lackluster. I like most of them, but none of them blew me away.

But on to the professionals! This week, to build some suspense, everyone receives positive and negative critiques. Though Barbie’s dress is ambitious, the bottom part is overworked and the top of the dress underworked, and she bit off more than she could chew. Irina’s dress has a beautiful back and a nice color, but the length is too long and the styling weighs the look down. Gordana’s dress clearly shows her inspiration, but Gordana’s not taking chances. Cindy could see herself wearing it – Nina says “not so great from the back, but beautiful from the front.”  CH’s fit and detailing are “fantastic.” The judges don’t see the inspiration, but they love the dress. Nina expresses her concern by describing the dress as “safe perfection.” Rowley loves the top part of Christopher’s dress, but the bottom suffers from a heavy, stiff fabric. Heidi asks if he’s comfortable with this as his final dress. He cries (uh oh) and says that everyone else chose a beautiful piece of art as their inspiration – he chose a rock with algae, because he could see the beauty there. That speaks more about him as a designer than anything else could. It’s probably the smartest thing he’s said all season.

Now we’re at that moment where Heidi asks everyone why they should go to Fashion Week, and which two designers should accompany them. Anyone who does not include Irina is lying. First: Gordana. She could reach her full potential by showing at Fashion Week, and chooses Christopher and Irina because they want it so badly. Barbie says that she has pushed herself the entire competition, never landing in the bottom, and chooses CH and Irina. CH says her background and how much she wants it don’t matter – it comes down to the fact that she makes beautiful garments that women want to wear. Christopher and Barbie should join her because they’re bringing new, exciting ideas to the runway. Irina’s voice grows shaky as she talks about her immigrant parents, and she says she should go because she can show that it’s okay to dream. It’s a terrible speech, but if it’s genuine, I’ll let it go. The correct answer would have been: because I’m the most creative designer here. She chooses Barbie and Gordana to join her. Christopher hasn’t had many opportunities for success, and this would be his biggest opportunity. He chooses CH and Irina.

Over deliberation, we hear a few more comments: Barbie disappointed big time this week, but she pushed herself. Irina has a very clear vision, but the bottom of her dress was dowdy. Christopher makes beautiful tops, but he doesn’t have enough experience to realize that he’s choosing the wrong fabrics. CH had the standout piece, but she plays it safe. Gordana created one of her best pieces, but who she is as a designer doesn’t come out in her work.

Line them back up and Fashion Week belongs to: Irina, CH and Barbie. Hooray! That means Christopher and Gordana are out. I admit I’m surprised that Christopher crashed and burned so badly this season – after the first few episodes I thought this was his competition to lose. Gordana, however, is no surprise. Except for how long she lasted.

And for once, the Irina factor doesn’t kick in! Her comments about Christopher didn’t save him – I thought it might come down to CH and Christopher, but between the two, I’m happier that CH is staying. I’m rooting for her to kill it.

Next week: Finale!

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

Season 6, Episode 12: The Art of Fashion (originally aired November 5, 2009)

For more on Project Runway, click here.

Thursdays at 10pm EST on Lifetime

Photographs courtesy of Lifetime

America’s Next Top Model: Dive Deeper

And we’re back!

Lots of chatter this week: First – it’s Kentucky’s birthday. Yay! Also: Erin worries about her new home in the bottom two – she’s settling in nicely while avoiding elimination. Sundai can’t understand how Erin has managed to survive, and I think Sundai’s never watched reality television, because these remaining short girls would be boring without someone like Erin to hate. We also learn that Sundai sucks her thumb and that she’s kept most of her past hidden from the others – she will reveal all only if she makes it to the top four. She interviews that modeling is her only chance to be successful. Nicole, though she won last week’s top photo, isn’t celebrating: Brittany was a strong contender, and her elimination means no one is safe. Nicole does not say who she thought should have gone home instead, but nobody likes Erin, so…

To the teach and challenge at a beach, where 5’8” Marisa Miller arrives to teach the girls how to pose provocatively without turning hooch. It’s basically five minutes of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit: there’s boobs sticking out, butts popping out, rolling around in the sand, and posing under a shower. Later, the girls and Marisa meet Nigel on a set of small cliffs. For the challenge, they must incorporate Marisa’s posing lessons into a photo shoot while jumping off of a small cliff into the water. The ladies are all intimidated, and despite lots of nerves, they all jump successfully, with Kentucky taking the plunge first. Because she’s crazy, y’all! They have one chance to get it right.

I think they all look pretty awful despite the critiques: However, Sundai and Nicole do have the best shots, with Nicole clearly nailing it far more than the others. She wins! The jealousy eats away at the other girls. She wins a necklace which I’m sure is amazing, but she also wins extra frames in the next shoot. Then she can pick a friend who also receives extra frames, and that girl can pick a friend who receives extra frames, and that girl can pick a friend. Until only one girl is left who better rock the shoot because she has no friends and no extra frames.

That loser is Erin, because no one in their right mind is picking her. See Sundai? That’s why she’s here.

Photo shoot. The girls head out to sea for an underwater shoot. Despite the fake enthusiasm, Kentucky’s biggest fears are suffocation and drowning. They will go underwater to a specific depth, and will use a regulator to breathe in between shots. Everyone will go down once, shoot, and surface. Everyone but Erin will then go down a second time to use their extra frames. Erin starts out trying to be tough about her deficit,  but she slowly begins to crack.

Kentucky freaks out underwater and needs time to pull it together – when she does, she rocks her shoot and shocks Jay with her awesomeness. Nicole nails her shot in the first round and Jay encourages her to take chances in her second dive. Jennifer needed her extra frames to meet the challenge requirements; her first dive produced beautiful photos but she didn’t dive deep enough. Sundai asks that she be allowed to stay close to the surface of the water because of her asthma. The photographer comments that she came up with excuse after excuse as opposed to making an effort to overcome her fear. Jay describes her photos as “-ish.” Erin talks a big game about wanting to step it up. Erin also disappoints the photographer by refusing to dive deep. Jay rubs it in when she surfaces that she didn’t have the extra frames, and then Erin really feels sorry for herself.

Judging. Guest Judge: Marisa Miller.

Sundai looks tall in her photo but loses her face. Tyra also points out that Sundai’s complaints and requirements limited her potential for a great shot. Kentucky needs to learn how to find her light, but her fears never showed in her face. Nigel calls Jennifer’s photo stunning, and Tyra loves the length Jennifer creates. Marisa, however, says that Jennifer could have brought a little more life to the photo. The other judges disagree. Nicole brings something different, she finds her light, and she looks as though she’s dancing. She has crazy legs, but otherwise, the judges love it. Nigel doesn’t like Erin’s photo, but Tyra does. Unfortunately, because Erin sits near the surface of the water and misjudges her light, she washes out her face and becomes unrecognizable.

Over deliberation, we hear that Erin gains a few points for bringing out her personality during panel for the first time in a long time. Bring the girls back out, and called first: Jennifer. Then Nicole, then Kentucky, and the bottom two are Sundai and Erin. Sundai’s a complainer and Erin continues to weaken as the weeks pass. Going home: Sundai. Tyra warns Erin to pull it together or else. Meanwhile, a crushed Sundai feels the failure a lot deeper than most of the other eliminated contestants – she looks devastated. In her exit interview, she remains positive about the experience, and hopefully about the life ahead of her.

Though Erin’s the villain and has landed in the bottom several times, Sundai has been the weaker of the two throughout most of the competition. So as heartbreaking as it is to see Sundai eliminated, it does appear to be the right choice. Oh come on, we all knew it was coming.

Next week: Hula and hip hop, and a double elimination!

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

Season 13, Episode 10: Dive Deeper (originally aired November 4, 2009)

For more on America’s Next Top Model, click here.

Wednesdays at 8/7c on The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW, Ryan Goble, and Russel Thomter

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