Gossip Girl: The Noble Experiment

Happy Halloween, Upper Eastsiders!  Rufus is designing KISS-themed Jack O Lanterns and Lily’s wondering if Jenny wants to get rid of her old fashion designs.  For whatever reason, Blair and Chuck are speaking again after yet another fight; she apologized and he says he forgave her.  Anyway, he’s more focused on establishing himself as a legitimate businessman.

Nate smuggles Dan Olivia’s vampire movies and Nate, who’s up on the Endless Nights blogs, knows all about Olivia’s paramour co-star at the time of shooting.  He thinks Dan shouldn’t watch the films as it may ruin their impending intimacy (that’s Dan and Olivia, not Dan and Nate).  And then Nate and Dan watch the movie, Olivia’s orgasm and all.  So when Olivia calls, Dan fakes the flu to avoid seeing her.

Anyway, Gossip Girl spots Olivia grabbing a handful of free condoms and her publicist, Casey, wants Serena to fix the situation between Olivia and Dan . . . but first she needs to deliver James Franco a new pair of underwear.  No word on why he needs a new pair.

At the Met, Jenny’s holding her first day at court and, per Eric, looks queentastic.  After sending her minions away for not skinning the almonds on her yogurt, she “reluctantly” asks Eric to move down a few stoops so she can reign supreme.  Of course, Jonathan doesn’t like that and sits above her; Eric joins in and all but tells Jenny to lighten up.  Jenny sics the girls on Eric, which translates to pouring that yogurt all over his head, skinned almonds and all.

Chuck’s planning the opening of his new club and enlists Serena to help with publicity, only she needs to keep Blair away from it all, which is interesting because Blair’s in the room hearing the whole conversation.  Obviously Chuck hasn’t forgiven Blair yet for her deception, but he’s too busy trying to get a liquor license in time for the opening.  With a little unknown help from Blair (and Uncle Jack), the license comes through.

In our Dorota moment of the week, she’s getting a pedicure/foot massage with Blair in the NYU dorm, but Chuck breaks it up (after Dorota gushes over not going out with Vanya the doorman much) and gives Blair a gift to apologize for keeping her out of the loop.  But it all goes sour when Chuck learns that Jack was involved with the deal, at Blair’s initiation.  He still doesn’t trust her, now more than ever.  And she’s no longer invited to his party.

Back at the apartment, Rufus is trying out his Ramones costume and is excited about handing out candy at his new apartment.  Lily breaks the bad news that she just doesn’t get trick-or-treaters and he doubts her.  Eric breaks up the conversation by coming home early and putting the blame on Jenny, which leads Lily to have a talking with Jenny and order to go to the party with Eric and to have her so-called friends apologize to Eric.

And now, it’s party time!  Chuck’s speakeasy is opening with a Prohibition theme, natch.  Dan and Olivia are going together, sort of: he’s going in through the backdoor so she can have her co-star pretend to be her boyfriend (and get some good publicity).  Blair’s stuck in the door, while she plays chess with Dorota (who can also clean the floor at the same time); they’re interrupted by a flower delivery . . . not from Mr. Chuck. She’s heading to the party to apologize to Chuck.  Somehow she learned the license is a fake, but Chuck already knew this and called the cops himself.

Jenny and Eric, who’s dressed like the accountant from The Untouchables, have a heart to heart, but Jenny may have a plan.  Outside, we see her minions throw eggs at Jonathan, reminding us of the famous baptism scene from The Godfather.  She is good because the key is to always have an alibi, but Eric know she’s behind it and doesn’t want to play these duplicitous games anymore.

Back at the club, the police arrive to close down the club.  They’re seizing the alcohol, which seems odd to me.  Serena doesn’t understand but Blair explains that she and Chuck planned this together and she used Serena to get celebrities there.  I guess the feud between these two is back on.

Because deception is king on this show, Olivia comes clean with Dan that her co-star was really her boyfriend but that it’s over between them.  As they’re going in for the makeup kiss, Serena stops them and drags them in front of the paparazzi.  Feeling left out, Serena says she’s the ex’s girlfriend and then they make out.  Happy Halloween!

Chuck and Blair, the Justinian and Theodora of Manhattan, are thrilled at the increased reservations at his club.  Of course, no one mentions how he’s going to get a real liquor license after having operated without one; the ABC guys don’t look kindly on that, as Horace explains.  But Chuck has an idea, he wants to create a real speakeasy, members only.

We end with Dan and Olivia doing the horizontal Monster Mash and Queen J throwing out her old designs and sewing machine.  God save the Queen.

Next week: Backstabbing, deceit, and mud-slinging.  That’s right, Election Day!

And since we’re a quarter way through the season, already, I must say I’m really enjoying the renewed energy and interesting storylines and character development on the show.  We’re almost back to the quality of the first season and with the impending return of the Serena-Blair feud, we’re on track for an awesome pool fight scene in the spring.

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

Season 3, Episode 7: How to Succeed in Business (originally aired October 26, 2009)

For more on Gossip Girl, click here.

Mondays at 8/7C, The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW, Giovanni Rufino

Project Runway: Where in the World is Project Runway?

In missing last week, I didn’t get to talk about Bob Mackie, Christina Aguilera, the second coming of Nicolas’s Xanadu-cum-Ice Capades ensemble, and Nina Garcia saying “Lady Marmalade” (as in the orange stuff your grandmother puts on biscuits).  And Shirin went home, which is a tragedy only because it means I’m already wrong with my predictions for this season.

This week Heidi tells our Final Seven bunch that they are taking a road trip to Rodeo Drive to meet a famous designer.  (So now Logan’s Dopey dwarf hat makes sense!)  In honor of this, it’s time for another Troop Beverly Hills clip.  As for the designer, it’s Michael Kors, who is so excited about today’s challenge: design an outfit inspired by a famous locale.  Carol Hannah hasn’t been to many places but she selects Palm Beach.  Nicolas, who is just annoying me more and more each week, picks Greece.  Althea selects St.Tropez, Gordana selects New York, Irina selects Aspen, Christopher selects Santa Fe, and Logan is stuck with Hollywood (California, not Florida, I hope).  This is a one day challenge.

As usual, we sketch, Mood, and fling the fabric across the model forms while they all make catty comments about each other (and do lousy Michael Kors impressions).  Enter Tim to check in on everyone.  He begins with Gordana , and he wants her to start on her dress and stop working on a neck piece.  He cracks a joke with Althea about what man would wear a shirt like that and the producers cut to Logan; I’m not sure what that means.  Tim advises Christopher to avoid being a cliche, as we cut to Irina making a snotty comment about him still being there.  In talking with Carol Hannah, he’s concerned that there’s nothing special about her Palm Beach dress. Bleh comments about Nicolas, Logan, and Irina so let’s skip that.

The next day it’s showtime!  Nicolas doesn’t see Greece in his outfit but he explains that it’s something you could wear in Greece.  That was the assignment, right?  Design an outfit that can be worn anywhere.  Anyway, Christopher laments that he gets passed over for jobs because he doesn’t have proper training, and I think this is just a set up for him going home, which wouldn’t surprise me because he’s one of the remaining folks I picked for the final three.

Runway.  Heidi introduces our judges: Nina AND Michael are there, plus actress and L’Oreal spokesmodel Milla Jovovich (also of The Fifth Element and The Messenger and some other stuff I haven’t seen and can’t be bothered to look up).  Logan’s up first and I don’t see how it’s a Hollywood outfit.  Althea can see her model streetwalking in St. Tropez or something; I guess I can see that.  Nicolas’s isn’t Greek at all.  Carol Hannah gets more of a South Beach look than a Palm Beach look but I’m sure they won’t know the difference.  I sort of see Santa Fe in Christopher’s number, and Irina did a good job capturing Aspen, but a white fur would have been better.  And we end with Gordana’s take on New York and I think it works but, again, I’m usually wrong on this stuff.

Heidi sends Althea out and starts the questioning.  Milla likes Irina’s “grande dame” of Aspen look; Michael thinks it recalls Aspen in the 80s (which is the only time I’ve been so that’s probably why I think she did a good job).  Nina doesn’t think Christopher captured Santa Fe at all, Michael agrees, but Milla likes the belt.  In looking at Carol Hannah’s some more, it reminds me of something previous contestant Uli has done–no one mentions that, of course, but the judges all like this one.  Michael thinks Nicolas got confused about Greece, commenting that he designed for Grease with John Travolta and not the country.  Gordana apologizes too much for her outfit and talks about spending all of her money on the necklace part of the dress; the judges, however, like everything about this piece.  We end with Logan who designed for Lindsey Lohan or Mary-Kate, but Nina doesn’t think there’s anything special with the styling; Heidi disagrees but Michael notes that he designed clothes, not fashion.  Ouch.

Of note during deliberations, Michael makes a few cracks at Nicolas’s selection of grey menswear fabric as inspired by Greece and Ms. Jovovich thinks Logan did a good job if the show is called “Project I Didn’t Mind It.”  Ha!  Anyway, Heidi calls everyone back in for the results.  Carol Hannah is in, and Irina wins for giving them so much on a limited budget. Gordana is also in and gets a comment about not being so apologetic on the runway (told you so).  This moves into an admonishment for the remaining guys to pump up the volume.  She sends Logan out, and in a surprising upset, Christopher is in and Nicolas is out.  And it looks like Ms. Jovovich is getting emotional, wondering how the judges do this every week.  Well, don’t worry, this season only Heidi’s doing it every week.

And since this is his last week, I’ve figured out what bothers me about Nicolas.  It’s his laugh that he throws out there to diffuse tension or in a “just kidding” after saying something that’s not really funny.  I’ve known a few people who’ve done this and I don’t like being around them either.  But they were bastard people.  My lawyers have advised me to be sure to note that I’m sure Nicolas is a wonderful, kind person in real life and we wish him all the best in the touring company for Xanadu.

For another take on this episode, read Greece is the Word by Jaimie Campos.

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

Season 6, Episode 10: Around the World in Two Days (originally aired October 22, 2009)

For more on Project Runway, click here.

Thursdays at 10pm EST on Lifetime

Photographs courtesy of Lifetime

Glee: Return of the Sue

A slow week on Glee, which shouldn’t surprise anyone after last week’s fireworks between Will and Sue.  But it gives us time to explore the softer side of Puck, Will’s conflicted feelings about Emma, and Finn showing once again he’s a good guy.

And so with the pour of a generic Big Gulp (a “Big Quench”), a student walks down the hallway, ready to aim. . . .at Finn! Finn has insperminated (New word alert! Call the OED) Quinn, and it’s payback time for the long-held grievance of one particular student and his pubes.  It seems Finn’s reign of popularity is over.

Coach Ken and Emma are telling Will about their proposed wedding, which to Emma’s chagrin requires them be in the same room together at the same time.  They aren’t inviting Will but they want his help in making a mash-up of “The Thong Song” and “I Could Have Danced All Night” so they can have a first dance as awkward husband and awkward wife.  They also want dancing lessons.

In rehearsal, the gang is debating the start of the Slushie Wars, while Will walks in and talks about his love of mash-ups.  He hands out a new song: “Bust A Move,” but none of the male leads want to sing it, so Will shows them how it’s done, including some crazy dance moves.  It’s awesome, at the very least because it distracts me from the awful lip syncing that’s still going on in post-production.

After the break, Finn and Quinn talk to Emma about their social fall.  They need advice on how to be cool and believe that Emma must have seen a lot of cool people over the years.  Quinn’s comparing her status to being a toxic asset, but Emma’s distracted by Will walking by in sunglasses.  She suggests sunglasses and Finn likes the idea because it would let him look at someone’s boobs without her knowing.

We cut to Emma wearing an over-the-top wedding dress, modeled after the one Princess Di wore at her wedding.  She’s going to her dance rehearsal with Will and wants to make sure she know how to dance in it.  And cue “The Thong Song” and dance moves that Emma’s never going to be able to do, and I’m sure Ken has even less of a chance of doing.  Anyway, Emma’s getting excited by Will’s moves and she trips on him, landing on top of him as they have yet another awkward face-to-face moment.  Ken, of course, sees the whole thing from a distance.

At football practice, we and Finn need to hear some gay cracks about Finn being on glee club.  Ken breaks up a fight with Finn and announces he’s adding another mandatory practice . . . that coincides with glee club practice.  Ken tells Finn (and Puck by proxy) that he needs to choose.  Puck, meanwhile, is practicing a song with Rachel.  Why is he there?  Well, his family ordered Chinese food during their traditional Simchat Torah screening of Schindler’s List, which always reminds Puck’s mother of her Jewish roots.  This year his mother thinks Puck’s like the Ralph Fiennes character or something because he’s not dating a Jewish girl.  This led to Puck having a dream about Rachel and thinking it’s a message from God (or should I say “G-d”) to get into Rachel’s pants.  You know, when he prays, it’s like the room almost becomes a synagogue.

The next day, the Big Quench is on patrol . . . no wait, it’s Puck who bought her a drink.  It led to more make-out sessions, only she’s pretending he’s Finn.  She says she can’t give herself to him until he sings a solo.  At rehearsal, Puck says he has an idea for a mash—a personal tribute to a Jewish musical icon: Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline,” which was about a very non-Jewish little Irish Catholic girl.  And so Puck sings his solo to Rachel while the gang does the “bah-bah-bah” part that we all love to sing in bars.

Before we realize Puck didn’t sing a mash-up, Finn and Quinn are wearing the darkest sunglasses ever while walking down the hall.  They run into his football teammates, who throw many grape sodas at them.  He needs to put the bros before “hi-hos” and show up to practice.

Sue’s finishing up her Corner against the anti-human-dog marriage referendum, when she gets asked out on a date by the very-scotch-soaked news anchor, Ron.  We cut to Sue and Will swing dancing (to “Sing, Sing, Sing”) and I have to think this is a dream sequence or the opening credits to Big Business.  No, it’s for real; Will’s been giving Sue lessons and he’s glad they’re no longer at each other’s throats.  She’s calmer now that she’s in love after a date of Battleship with Ron; he likes to swing and wants Sue to go to a dance-a-thon with her.  Sue drops the nugget about Ken adding another football rehearsal.

Will goes to Ken about the scheduling conflict.  Ken points out that he knows Emma is just settling for him when she really wants Will.  Will owns up that he’s never explicitly said anything to Emma but he’s also never sent her away.  Will’s sorry for it but Ken’s not canceling his practice–let the kids decide who’s the consolation prize.

Rachel and Puck are arm and arm through the halls talking about musical stuff (and we learn his real name is “Noah”).  And then Noah gets a flooded face full of soda.  He lets Rachel clean the grape goop out of his hair and realizes how bad he treated her before.  He lets her know that he’s choosing football over glee, even if he knows it means they can’t be together anymore.

Will, for whatever reason, is out wedding dress shopping with Emma, who’s in a new and much more beautiful dress.  Will’s clearly enamored and wants to practice whether she can dance in it.  Cue the music and Emma’s first song of the series: “I Could Have Danced All Night.” When they finish, you could cut the sexual tension with a knife, a knife through the hearts of Emma, Will, and Ken.  He has to get to practice and tells Emma about Ken’s stand-off, which could mean the end of glee club.  At rehearsal, the clock strikes 3:30 and none of the football players arrive . . . until all but Finn walk in.

The next day Finn’s walking the halls with a big quench and the glee kids are all in raincoats and ponchos.  Kurt knows Finn doesn’t want to throw a soda at him, so Kurt grabs the soda and throws it in his own face, telling Finn that none of his other football team friends would do that for him.  In other disappointments, Sue walks in to see Ron and to show off her new zoot suit.  She finds him making out with someone and she’s furious.

Puck and Rachel are watching the football team practice and she hopes he didn’t leave football for her because she doesn’t think it’s going to work out between them.  He claims he was going to break up with her because he can’t get to second base (at least, what I think is second base), and he knows she has a thing for Finn and she thinks he has a thing for Quinn.  He gives her the cold shoulder and walks off.  Zooming in to the field, we see Will tossing a football with Finn and trying to talk him back into glee club because it’s where Finn belongs.  Finn takes this speech and goes to Ken to say he can’t leave glee because he sees a future where you can play football and sing and dance in glee club.  What a strange dystopian world!  Anyway, he doesn’t want to have to choose between them.  Ken relents because he has laundry to do or something during that time.

Sue returns with a vengeance from Ron and reasserts her role working with Will.  After threatening the life of a kitten, she kicks Quinn off of the Cheerios.  Apparently unphased by it all, Will tells Emma that he can’t get her two wedding songs to work together.  This is all metaphorical, of course.  It would have been a nice ending but instead we get the glee club throwing their grape slushies at Will (because he’s never been slushed before or something).

For another take on this episode, check out The Slushie Massacres by Alyssa Martino.

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

Season 1, Episode 8: Mash-Up  (originally aired October 21, 2009)

For more on Glee, click here.

Wednesdays at 9pm on Fox

Photographs courtesy of Fox and IMDbPro

Gossip Girl: All About Eve, Not All About Steve

An excellent episode of Gossip Girl tonight, even if Dorota is absent.  And what makes this episode so good, why a simple plot of deception, double-crossing, and scheming by the entire cast.  Frankly, this is the only reason why I watch the show. Oh and Chuck goes bisexual for Blair.  Let the games begin!

We begin with an old video that’s actually a fantasy dream of Blair’s creation, in which Vanessa is being honored as a distinguished alumna of NYU.  She jumps out of her All About Eve dream and is terrified that she’s Bette Davis instead of her usual role as understudy for Anne Baxter.  She won’t tell Chuck about Vanessa, but he has confidence that she’ll soon rule the school of NYU.

Serena chats with Nate at campaign headquarters for his cousin Tripp’s run for office.  They’re talking about Carter’s debt to the Buckleys and something about flying him to an off-coast oil rig to work.  Anyway, Nate has an idea–he wants to play a poker game with the Buckleys to free Carter.  He recently learned all of their “tells” and thinks he can win.  Of course he’ll need Serena’s help.

At the loft, they’re talking about Rufus’s Welcome Back, Kotter mugs and Jenny’s reading a school newspaper article hyping Vanessa’s rising star at NYU. She’s up for an award–being asked to give a toast–at the parents’ freshmen weekend dinner and is wondering whether to invite her yet-unseen parents.  Rufus thinks Dan should invite Olivia since she’s back from Japan; Dan isn’t so sure it’s time for her to meet his family, but he asks her to go and she agrees to meet his parents.  And Blair is pissed to learn that Vanessa is outshining her and wants to write the perfect toast in case she’s selected.  Of course, Olivia has her own plan and calls the alumni coordinator to accept the offer to give the freshmen toast–and she’s keeping it a surprise from Dan.  Blair finds out about the selected toastmaster and is going to plot something, beginning when she tells Vanessa that Olivia is giving the toast, not her.  Let the fireworks begin!

First up, Vanessa tries to manipulate Dan into getting Olivia to not attend the toast (so Vanessa will be able to give the toast).  She lies to Dan about Olivia being too nervous about meeting Dan’s parents and suggests Dan spend a quiet night with Vanessa.  Dan buys it.  Back at the dorm, Vanessa learns that Olivia is backing out and she’s giving the toast.  That’s one out of the way for Blair, who’s moving on to phase two of her plan.

But first, a nice game of Texas Hold’em.  Nate and Serena walk into the Buckleys’ game and announce Serena is going to play.  She loses the first game and ups the ante by offering to play for Carter, even though his debt is a lot more than she’s showing (whatever that means).  Nate offers an incriminating photo of Tripp that will allegedly cost Tripp the election (he’s rocking the ganja, so that’s only a problem if he’s not a Democrat).  The game begins and quickly ends with a loss for Serena, meaning “Carter’s going down to Texas and Tripp’s career is going up in smoke.”  But not really, the photo’s a fake but Nate’s keeping this news from Serena.

After the break, we meet Vanessa’s mother played by Gina Torres!  They’re making a social call to meet Lily, who tries to compliment the mother on Vanessa’s success at NYU and gets some hippie nonsense about the evils of paying for education.  Whatever, it’s Gina Torres, she’s awesome . . . at least until she talks about Olivia being a shallow actress and something about how sugar is awful for people.  Vanessa gets a break from apologizing for her mother when Olivia calls to ask why Dan changed his mind about Olivia meeting his parents.  Vanessa digs a bigger hole for herself (and sort of for Dan) as she gets caught in her web of lies.  It doesn’t work because Olivia tells Dan that she’d like to go to the parents’ dinner.

At a bar, Blair and Chuck are reprising their summer plan.  The alumni guy is there and I think Chuck’s going to make a move on him.  Oh I’m right because the guy is stroking Chuck’s hair and then they’re kissing while Blair watches.  She interrupts and reminds him of their deal: if she gets him to kiss Chuck, he’ll let her have the toast.  (Apparently, a kiss from Chuck Bass is on some Tribeca scavenger hunt.)  Chuck suspects something’s up because Blair didn’t stop him before the kiss; she plays it off as nothing.  Anyway, it looks like Blair wins this round, and Chuck’s suspenders are definitely bi-curious.

And now for our weekly party!  Blair tells Vanessa that Vanessa is not giving the speech; Vanessa asks for mercy because her mother is there, but Blair doesn’t care.  Dan and Olivia walk in and meet Rufus and Lily, but Olivia, thinking Dan’s parents don’t like actresses (per Vanessa), is rude and obnoxious to them.  Dan pulls Olivia aside and it comes out that Vanessa played them off of each other.

Meanwhile, Chuck learns how Blair used him, which sends one of Blair’s minions off to warn Blair.  But Blair’s busy telling off Vanessa . . . and everyone at NYU.  You see Vanessa had a live microphone in her hand, broadcasting Blair’s elitist bile to all of the guests.  Oh no, goes Blair.  And “oh no” goes Vanessa, when she sees Dan there with Olivia.  Vanessa tries to apologize to Olivia and Dan for her double-crossing and says she wishes Rufus and Lily were her parents.  Of course Vanessa’s mother walks in and hears this last part, which leads to an intense moment of her mother warning Vanessa about what “this place” is doing to her.

Dan explains everything to Rufus and Lily, with an apologetic Olivia.  They get interrupted when Olivia is asked to give the freshmen toast, as Blair and Vanessa look on and know their machinations led to nothing good.  We don’t get to hear the speech and cut to the van der Woodsen apartment where everyone is enjoying ice cream and the Welcome Back, Kotter mugs.

In other icy situations, Chuck’s heartbroken over Blair’s deception and refuses to see her; and Vanessa’s mother leaves without saying goodbye to Vanessa.  Since Vanessa and Blair are alone, they decide to be alone together.

And what of the high rolling Nate and Serena?  Nate admits to using Serena to discredit the Buckleys’ campaign against Tripp.  Serena alerts the Buckleys and they agree to erase Carter’s debt.  She tells Carter but he refuses and leaves for the oil rig.

Next week: A very Gossip Girl Halloween.

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

Season 3, Episode 6: Enough about Eve (originally aired October 19, 2009)

For more on Gossip Girl, click here.

Mondays at 8/7C, The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW, Giovanni Rufino

Glee: The Sue Strikes Back

We begin with a shoving match between Sue and Will, now that Sue’s the co-director of the glee club.  But even in the heat of battle, Sue is elegant and regal.  But we’ve gotten ahead of ourselves.  A few days earlier, Figgins called them in to discuss their progress as co-directors.  They both lie about things going along well, and Figgins warns them not to curry favors from the students.  But Will asks the group for their ideas and Sue wants to create a toxic environment, much like when she salted her backyard before selling it to a couple who wanted her to pay their closing costs.  Now why didn’t I think of that when I sold my home?!?

Finn’s with Quinn as she gets a sonogram of her uterus, correction: her soon-to-be daughter.  Will is out in the waiting room as he sees Finn unravel again under the stress of his impending parenthood, even though Quinn plans to give the baby up for adoption.  Back at school, Rachel’s denying that Quinn’s pregnant to the in-school Gossip Girl (well more like Yenta Boy), Jacob, and she’s willing to do whatever she can to keep him from running that story.  And in rehearsal, Sue’s forming Sue’s Kids –an elite group of singers, featuring “Santana, Wheels, Gay Kid, Asian, Other Asian, Aretha, and Shaft.”  (I’ll let you figure out who those characters are.)  And that’s how Sue “C”s it.  But all of the tension between Will and Sue isn’t helping Will at home–he wants to know why Terri’s shutting him out of her pregnancy and he’s coming with her to her next appointment.

The next day, Jacob needs a new pair of panties from Rachel, and this time he wants real Rachel Berry panties.  She’s not amused.  But her elite kids are impressed with Sue’s recent Sue’s Corner on loving minorities and she may even move to California to become a minority. In her rehearsal, Sue’s stroking all of the kid’s egos as they break out into our first song of the night: “Hate On Me” (Jill Scott).  Will spots the rehearsal and later accuses Sue of sabotaging his club.  She agrees, doesn’t like his birds’ nest of a hairstyle, and is going to do everything she can to get him fired.

At home, Terri’s apologizing for being a bad wife of late–somehow I don’t think this includes her lying about her pregnancy–but she wants to help out at school and tells him to get down in the gutter if he wants to win this.  His first move?  Failing all of the Cheerios so they can’t attend rehearsal.  Sue snaps and calls Will into Figgins’s office, but he’s got a test and records showing that most of her Cheerios are functionally illiterate.  She doesn’t understand why they want to learn the dying language of Spanish (unless they want to be dishwashers) when instead they can learn how to do a round-off and become bankers and captains of industry.  Figgins backs up Will and tells Sue the free passes are over.  She reminds him about that anti-embolism stockings commercial he did but he already posted it on YouTube and no one watched it.  She storms out and throws things . . . and people.

Finn comes up with a name for the baby (“Drizzle”) but Quinn doesn’t like it and yells back at Finn.  Finn uses this moment to tell her that he wishes she’d be more supportive of him, like the way Rachel is with him.  Quinn doesn’t want to hear that and tells Finn that if he’s going to cheat on her while she’s pregnant, she hopes it’s not with Rachel.  Let’s have another song by the temporarily (and covertly) reunited glee club: “Ride Wit Me” (Nelly).  Will walks into practice with his remaining people and wants them to sing something together: “No Air” (Jordin Sparks) and it turns into a weird montage of Rachel and Finn flirting (and flitting) around school while Quinn jealously sings backup.  After it ends, Quinn recites some lines from Sue about Will not wanting to include the backup singers.  So Puck and a Dutch cheerleader leave and join up with Sue.

The next morning Will corners Sue in the faculty lounge about her stealing the last of his singers.  She agrees to give them back if he agrees to pass her Cheerios.  He won’t.  Across town, Terri and her sister are meeting with the sister’s former obstetrician to blackmail him into saying Terri is pregnant.  Since this show is all about threats this week, Quinn’s threatening Rachel into backing off of Finn; Rachel turns the tables and tells Quinn to stop being Sue’s mole.  This leads us into Quinn’s awesome cheerleading-themed take of “You Keep Me Hangin‘ On” by The Supremes.

At group rehearsal, Will’s group starts singing their song and Sue quickly interrupts and wants her kids to walk out.  Will interrupts her and begins telling her off.  This just fuels her bile as they go at it in front of the kids, which brings us full circle to the fight that started the episode.  Finn interrupts the bickering and then Mercedes, being a strong black woman, leads a walkout and then Rachel tries to take the credit for it.  Sue and Will share a panicked look on their faces.

Will leaves and heads to the obstetrician and is wondering why the doctor is putting up a screen so Will can’t see anything.  With some brilliant stagecraft by the doctor and Terri, they manage to convince Will that there’s a baby inside of Terri . . . oh and it’s now a girl.  Will starts to cry, not because it’s a girl, but because of his realization that he’s going to be a father.  And if you’re not hating Terri for letting this charade continue beyond this point, you’re a heartless bastard.

Will returns to school and goes to Sue’s office.  She preemptively announces that she’s stepping down from glee club because it’s too fruity, but she wants to stay on as his consiglierie.  He thinks she’s trying to trap him but she says she just wants to win.  Will and Sue go to the club to announce the changes and to salute the minorities in the minority group of glee club.  Sue drops the bomb that Quinn is pregnant and walks out; earlier that day, Sue found out from Jacob and can’t believe that Quinn would keep this secret from her.  Meanwhile, Finn is  comforting the emotional wreck that is Quinn, set to the entire club’s rendition of Avril Lavigne’s “Keep Hanging On”.

Next week: Finn and Quinn become losers and Sue finds love.

For another take on this episode, check out Sue and Schu Go to the Mattresses by Alyssa Martino.

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

Season 1, Episode 7: Throwdown (originally aired October 14, 2009)

For more on Glee, click here.

Wednesdays at 9pm on Fox

Photographs courtesy of Fox and IMDbPro

Gossip Girl: The One Where Lily and Rufus Finally Get Married

Some say love, it is a rose (and a few other love-related song lyrics) as Gossip Girl voice-overs to scenes of the couples on Gossip Girl, including Dan and his computer-based girlfriend.  We first see Carter and Serena reuniting (and it feels so good) over morning-after pastries.  Serena wants Carter to spy on Nate’s new girlfriend, Bree, but because he has a history with Bree, he finds a way out of that assignment.  Dan finishes his online conversation with Olivia and walks off with Vanessa talking about Scott’s flaking out on her.  She walks off and is surprised by Georgina.

Over brunch with Blair and Chuck and Nate and Bree, Blair announces that Georgina is back on her broomstick and then she hits Bree over the head with snotty comments.  Eventually, I suspect she’s upset that Nate is dating her.  He calls her on it while Bree walks off and Chuck leaves to apologize for Blair’s behavior, only to overhear that Bree has it out for Carter, which makes her a friend of Chuck’s.  Blair, meanwhile, tells Nate that no one is that nice and that he shouldn’t trust Bree.

Serena goes to see her mother, Lily, to apologize for her conduct.  Lily regrets leaving her alone with Rufus for the summer since he doesn’t “get it.”  Lily leaves and Jenny and Eric explain to Serena that Lily and Rufus are having a cold spell. Back at the Brooklyn loft, Rufus implies the same thing to Dan and announces he’ll be crashing at the loft from now on.

Vanessa and Georgina are chatting at the coffee shop.  Georgina can’t believe Dan’s dating so soon after her and she wants Vanessa to get Dan to break up with Olivia.  And why should Vanessa do this?  Well, Georgina was up in Boston and got Scott drunk, wherein he told her his secret about being Dan’s secret half-brother.  And now Georgina is going to blow the whistle on it all (and that Vanessa has known the truth), unless Vanessa gets Dan to break up with Olivia.  Vanessa, as coached by Olivia, tries to tell Dan to break it off but he thinks Vanessa is crazy and Georgina (i.e., the actual crazy one) can’t believe Vanessa doesn’t know how to get someone to dump a celebrity.

Anyway, Dan and Serena are having lunch with Rufus, when Jenny, Eric, Lily, and the premise from The Parent Trap walk in.  Since Lily loves the bolognese at that restaurant, she agrees to stay and talk.  Dan, Jenny, and Eric leave them be while they suspect Vanessa’s phone call means she has a thing for Dan.  But Dan’s still interested in Olivia and not Jenny’s idea of a romantic comedy.  He’s going to explain things to Vanessa and finds Vanessa in her dorm room doctoring photos of Olivia and someone else.  He suspects the worst and tells her he’s not interested in her like that.  She thinks he’s crazy for even thinking that and lets out that Georgina is blackmailing her because (wait for it) she knows that Scott is Dan’s brother.  Uh oh!

At the same time, Rufus and Lily are trying to figure out where they’re going with potential wedding plans–apparently she doesn’t want Mayor Bloomberg to toast them in a Freddie “Boom Boom” Washington mug.  After some hours apart and staring at photographs, they decide they’re going to get married the next day.

Serena calls in the Constance Crew to help plan the wedding.  Thankfully Dorota is there because she’s been planning parties for years.  Jenny is having her own Project Runway episode by making Lily’s dress.  And Blair gets the Mayor (unseen) to open up the Brooklyn Botanic Garden for the wedding.

Back at the loft, Dan and Vanessa are trying to keep mum about Scott.  As part of this plan, Dan meets up with Georgina to say that he’s finished with Olivia and, taking a page from Hillary Clinton, wants to hit the reset button on their relationship.  She’s not invited at the wedding but he wants to do something with her tomorrow.  She kisses him like a freak and then asks a stranger what it means when someone used to grab your ass but now they don’t.  She thinks it means Dan’s a liar, I just think someone’s a sore sport.  Because of that, Georgina gets Scott down from Boston and is buying him a tie, presumably to attend the wedding.

After sending his samurai shirt out to the cleaners, Chuck goes to Carter to scare him out of attending the wedding with Serena.  He gives him a one-way plane ticket out of town.  Have I missed something?  I’m not following this story, but who cares?  It’s time for the weekly party!

Wedding time!  Jenny helps Lily get ready and Lily’s having doubt about the quality of her wedding vows.  As Chuck and Blair debate whether Carter’s going to show up, he shows up and tells Serena that he ran up a lot of gambling debt before he ran off with her during the summer.  He met someone named Beth, proposed to her to get her family to pay off his debts, and he backed out of it in the end.  Serena’s upset and stomps off.

Georgina shows up, freaks Dan out, and tells him she’s there to give Rufus and Lily their wedding present.  But before that excitement, Lily and Rufus are walking to the ceremony and have another disagreement about their future and are about to call things off between them.  Just then Scott walks up, Lily snaps at Scott, he runs off, and Georgina announces that he’s their love child.  Of course the rest of our gang hears it all.  Surprise!  Lily and Rufus are in shock and Dan confirms that it’s true.  Vanessa explains the big lie, and Rufus and Lily run off to stop him from getting on the Chinatown bus (and rightfully so, take the BoltBus).

As the wedding falls apart, Carter apologizes to Serena but she won’t hear it.  Bree and her two big cousins show up to tell Carter they’re going to get even with him that night.  It looks like Dan and Blair are also going to get even with Georgina.

In Chinatown, Rufus and Lily are sharing their anxiety over being sort-of new parents and Rufus calls Lily out on being afraid to marry him because she loves him like she’s never loved any of her past 23 husbands (approx.).  They find Scott and tell him that they are in love with each other and that they want him in their lives.  Cue the tears and hugs.

That night in the loft, Rufus and Lily exchange vows in front of a more intimate crowd, and thanks to Sonic Youth and a sketchy service on the Internet, they are finally married.  In the joy, Serena and Lily make up and Lily thanks her for planning the wedding.  Eric and Jenny debate what parts on their bodies match parts on Scott.  Scott’s not too creeped out about it but he’s going back to Boston that night.  Chuck tells Serena that Carter’s not as bad as she thinks because he didn’t take the easy way out, even though he’s being threatened by the Buckleys.  In that, Nate learns the truth, that Bree Buckley used Nate to get to Carter (how exactly?!?); anyway, he shows her the door.

At some bar, some Eastern European prince approaches Georgina and asks if she wants to go visit his new oil pipeline in his home country.  She agrees and leaves with him, as an incognito Dorota looks on.  Oh yeah, Dorota is all former Soviet mafia!  Dorota, ty moyo solnyshko!

Next week Serena and Nate try to save Carter and Chuck makes out with a dude.

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

Season 3, Episode 5: Rufus Getting Married (originally aired October 12, 2009)

For more on Gossip Girl, click here.

Mondays at 8/7C, The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW, Giovanni Rufino

Project Runway: Wilkommen zum Oktoberfest!

We begin this week with some sizzling bacon strips, only four guys left, some preening by Irina, and self-motivational talk from Christopher.  Heidi announces a surprise: new models . . . in bridal gowns.  Actually, these are the bridal gowns from failed marriages and now the designers are to take these frowns and turn them upside down by making these gowns into something these divorcées can wear in their new, single lives.  The designers choose models, with the two models with the least amount of fabric being selected last.  They meet with the models and hear about what they want to do.  Of note, Shirin’s model wants something in a “half-breed” look, as in Cher not a per se racial epithet.  And we’re off to Mood to select up to two more yards of material.

Back in the studio, the demolition of dresses begin and we learn that Carol Hannah designs wedding dresses (and is troubled with destroying one) and that Gordana used to be married and misses her children.  We see photos of her children and see her talking on the phone (with what I hope are dye-stained hands).  Does this mean she’s going home?

Tim drops in to make his rounds and he’s worried about most of what he sees.  Specifically, I’m talking about what Shirin is doing with the feathers and Tim offers her some needed motivation.  Epperson misunderstood the assignment and needs to start from the beginning.  Hmm, maybe Gordana isn’t in trouble.  But for now, send in the divorcées!  They’re pretty pleased with their new outfits.  And so we scramble, scramble, scramble into the runway.  (For those who tuned into Models of the Runway, the real models taught the divorcées a few runway walking moves, and it’s not all about looking pissed while thinking you’re better than everyone.  But from one who knows, trust me, it helps.)

Runway. Heidi introduces our judges: Michael Kors, Zanna Roberts (Marie Claire), and Tamara Mellon (Board Member of Halston and President of the Jimmy Choo empire).  So when watching the models, you must look past their walking (it’s very distracting).  My likes: Carol Hannah, Althea, Nicolas (who’s not having babies with his model), and Gordana.  My ewws: Christopher (she looks like a baked potato) and Epperson (it doesn’t look well-made).

But what do the judges think?  Gordana explains her outfit first and I really like this one, so do the judges (very flattering on her).  Christopher is nervous this week because of his poor performance last week; Mellon thinks it’s overworked and Kors says it looks like “a metallic Hefty bag, just cinched.”  Epperson starts by saying he didn’t understand the challenge and Heidi is not amused by that and asks the model if she wanted something for Oktoberfest; Mellon jumps in that it looks more Pirates of the Caribbean and Kors thinks she’s never getting another date with this outfit.  Shirin talks more about Cher being a half-breed or something, and while her model thinks it was safe, the judges really like it (including Kors who “loves a half-breed moment”) but think it’s good Shirin didn’t do exactly what her model wanted.  Heidi has another Oktoberfest moment with Logan’s design and Kors is looking for the beer steins.  We end with Irina, who impressed the judges with the color and lace design–I’m not a huge fan because it looks a bit matronly, but I suppose it is “age-appropriate,” as the judges say.

Results. Shirin is safe and Gordana is the winner (and glad that she’ll no longer be known as a seamstress)!  Irina is also safe, as well as Christopher.  It’s down to Logan and Epperson.  Who will be the king of Project Runway’s Oktoberfest?  It’s Epperson, and for his prize, he’s going home.  Logan is safe.

Next week they’ll be designing for a five-time Grammy Award winner in the Bob Mackie studios.  Wait, were all the half-breed references a clue?  Is Cher coming to the Runway?  No, she’s only won one Grammy (for Believe).  In my quick research on GRAMMY.com, I’ve come up with the following guesses of five-time Grammy winners who may be on the show: Mariah Carey, Celine Dion, or The Police.  Cast your vote in the comments!

And as a bonus, you too can celebrate Oktoberfest, Project Runway style.  Pour yourself a stein of beer and re-watch this episode, having a drink every time Tim says “divorcées.”  You’ll be dancing to the Beer Barrel Polka in no time!

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

Season 6, Episode 8: A Fashionable New Beginning (originally aired October 8, 2009)

For more on Project Runway, click here.

Thursdays at 10pm EST on Lifetime

Photographs courtesy of Lifetime

Glee: A Sue Hope

We begin in the glee club’s rehearsal and they’re not giving enough energy for Will to feel good about the upcoming sectionals (i.e., pre-regionals).  He laments the complacency to Emma while she stares at the mustard in his “cute Kirk Douglas chin dimple.”  Thankfully she has plastic baggie gloves to wipe it off.  Anyway, the club is complacent because their only competition at sectionals are a school of deaf children and a halfway house for those leaving juvenile detention facilities.  Sue overhears Will’s trouble and tells him that she kicks one Cheerio out every week to encourage competition, you see children need to be terrified like they need their mother’s milk . . . to make their bones grow.  Will is intrigued.

How is an above ground swimming pool in competition with lightning?  Neither Kurt nor Will know but it helps break the ice when Will breaks them into teams by sexes and gives them one week to each perform a “mash up” (i.e., taking two songs and mashing them together).  The winner–as determined by a “celebrity judge”–will get to pick the song for sectionals.

Meanwhile, Sue is journaling her thoughts on her struggles with the Cheerios, if they fail then she won’t get endorsements to buy her hovercraft.  She’s sacrificed everything “only to be shanghaied by the bi-curious machinations of a cabal of doughy misshapen teens,” but the problem is not her, it’s Will and his arrogant smirk and home-bought perm.  And Sue needs to destroy Will (and his kielbasa) if she’s to destroy glee club.

She turns this energy into a plan to bring down Will . . . by recruiting Terri to become the school nurse to keep an eye on Will and Emma, even though Terri’s pregnancy is just a sign of personal weakness.  It seems that Sue can get a nurse to leave her position (by tripping her down the stairs and into a coma) and she can get a U.S. passport (and run for public office twice) even if she was born in the Panama Canal.  So Principal Figgins hires Terri, after learning of her stellar nursing credentials . . . first aid training and she’s used a defibrillator.  It looks like Will could use a quick jolt when Terri walks into the faculty lounge and announces her new second job.

Finn is having his own issues–he’s falling asleep during football practice and glee club practice, plus he’s conflicted between his pregnant girlfriend Quinn and Rachel, who’s hot if you’re not into boobs.  So Finn’s rather aloof when the boys’ team tries to get him to rehearse their mash up of “It’s My Life” and “Confessions”.  In the girls’ rehearsal, they’re making fat jokes about Quinn and out voting Rachel on deciding to wing it against the boys.

But moving on, Finn goes to the new nurse about taking a nap.  Terri uses this opportunity to project her concerns about her husband Will onto Finn, and she tells him not to screw around and to start popping two pseudoephedrine every morning.  It’s how she survived high school, and it goes well over in rehearsal.  He shares his secret “vitamin” with the other guys and that takes us into the mash up, where Artie gets a solo on “Confessions.”  Will and the guys are super jazzed and the girls are noticeably concerned. (As am I.  Why did the girls get to see their competition before they performed?)  But not as concerned, it seems, as Rachel is for Quinn’s absence from glee.  She talks her back into glee because that cheerleading uniform isn’t going to fit for much longer.  It’s a nice moment between two lousy characters.

After Terri orders another case of pseudoephedrine from Howard, Coach Ken walks in to express concern that his girlfriend, Emma, has a thing for Will.  Terri confesses that she’s only working there to spy on Will.  Ken suggests he and Terri get together to “even things out.”  Terri rebuffs that advance as Ken breaks down into tears.  Terri tells Ken that he needs to get “that doe-eyed little harlot” to marry him, but only after a quick dose of pseudoephedrine.

As the girls struggle in their rehearsal, Kurt walks in to relay his true allegiance is to the girls, especially after the boys rejected his hair and costume ideas (i.e., cornrows and exotic bird feathers).  Anyway, he points out that they all took drugs.  Later that day, Rachel confronts Finn and they aren’t listening to each other–she’s too self-driven and he’s too wiped out from all the stress in his life.  So Rachel and her team get their doses of “medicine” from Nurse Terri.  And then Will gives Terri a dose of needing his space as they fight in the faculty lounge.  Terri uses this as a prompt to get Ken to propose to Emma, with cubic zirconia since she was so affected by Blood Diamond.

Let the girls and their very yellow outfits sing, “Hey Low” mashed with “Walking on Sunshine”–it’s stinky and the mash (mashes? mush?) doesn’t work just right.  For some reason, Will likes it and thinks the “celebrity judge” Emma will have a difficult choice to make.  While she ponders it all, Terri approaches her to “clear the air” and proceeds to tell Emma off–nails and hammers don’t compete, you know.  She thinks Emma should just marry Ken because he’s available (even though his fondue pot of nationalities will open their children up to all kinds of diseases).

Fresh off Terri’s meeting, Quinn approaches her about the offer to take the baby off of her hands.  She likes high school and even glee too much to give it all up right now.  Terri thinks it’s the right call but she won’t pony up the bills for nine months . . . after all she’s going to pay for it for 18 years.  But Terri’s going to keep it a secret, even from Will (natch).

Emma talks to Ken about their proposed proposal.  She wants a lot of clarification on it all but in short she wants a secret marriage where they don’t see each other after school and they don’t live together.  I’m not sure what this is but if one of them is not in the country legally, I’d think it were marriage fraud.  And in an even more awkward relationship, Rachel and Finn talk about how they should each disqualify their teams since they both cheated.

In the end, Terri and Will wind up in Figgins’s office, where they fight about Terri also ruining things for Will–this marriage is going places!  Anyway, Figgins fires Terri for giving the students the drugs, and he assigns Will a co-director to help reign in Will’s competitive streak: Sue!  And as a final kick in Will’s acafellas, Emma tells Will she’s marrying Ken.

Next week: Sue and Will battle for control of glee and I’m thrilled that a schedule issue allowed Jane Lynch to become a series regular.

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

Season 1, Episode 6: Vitamin D (originally aired October 7, 2009)

For more on Glee, click here.

Wednesdays at 9pm on Fox

Photographs courtesy of Fox and IMDbPro

Gossip Girl: The Diva Whisperer

We’ve got more battling storylines than principal players this week but all are very interesting.  So pour yourself a martini and try to keep up.

Previously on Gossip Girl, Blair anointed Jenny as the new queen of Constance, and today is HRH Jenny’s first day on the throne.  A new queen is coming to NYU: Olivia Burke, star of some vampire film series (“King Arthur with vampires,” which frankly sounds better than Merlin even though I’m not a vampire fan).  And as Dan buys some coffee, a mystery character played by Hilary Duff helps him make change…she intros herself as “Kate” but we know it’s Olivia; anyway, they make nice and there’s some light flirting.  At Constance, a gothish Jenny is headed to school with Eric, and we see that her ladies in waiting are also dressed the same; they are Carmen, Celeste, and Jane, and Jenny doesn’t like what they’re up to.  Meanwhile, the exiled Queen B is at NYU trying to join the Masters of the Universe Club, but it’s more He-Man than Wall Street and she’s sorely disappointed.  I guess they’ll need to find someone else to play Teela.

And speaking of LARPers, Rufus and Serena are acting out how Lily will react to Serena not going to school, but no need to rehearse, Lily is back and wants to know why Lily isn’t at Brown.  And as expected, Lily isn’t impressed with Serena’s decision and suggests she get a job.  At Constance, Jenny is casting off the shackles of yesterday by declaring an end to the era of headbands.  Someone emergency texts Blair who runs out of the coffee shop to quell a revolution.  And back in the dorm, someone is redecorating Vanessa’s room because she’s getting a new roommate; you guessed it, Olivia Burke, who doesn’t like what her publicist did to the room.

Fresh off a round of job rejections, Serena treats herself to an expensive lunch and overhears Olivia telling her publicist she won’t make her dormmates sign confidentiality agreements.  Serena intervenes to tell Olivia how to sneak out the back of the place to avoid the press.  Olivia is grateful and recognizes Serena.  As Olivia leaves, the publicist suggests Serena get into publicity work, and so is born the Diva Whisperer.  Her first challenge? Ursula (played by Tyra Banks) who throws a tantrum and a lot of clothing around her hotel.  So Serena and Ursula talk about her role as Josephine Baker escaping from the Nazis.  I’m bored with this Serena story.

In Revolutionary Constance, Jenny’s ladies in waiting are in open rebellion and declare an end to Jenny’s Perestroika. (Long live the headbands!)  In calmer waters, Dan’s helping Nate with a paper and spots “Kate,” as Nate purposefully doesn’t tell him who she really is.  Dan goes over to say hello to “Kate” and they head out for pizza as she bails on her Larry King interview.  For some reason, Nate is shocked (and amused) by Dan’s ignorance of pop culture.  Clearly he doesn’t listen to The J Factor.

Chuck stops by Blair’s to find out where she’s been hiding.  She lies and says she’s been tutoring some girls at Constance but in walks Dorota to ask about blankets for the manicurists.  Chuck calls her on hosting her annual sleepover, even though she’s now in college.  He doesn’t call her pathetic but the sentiment is definitely there, so Chuck approaches Jenny about helping her get her crown back.  After a little pep talk (and memory lapse of that time when Chuck sexually assaulted her), Jenny agrees to reclaim her throne, both for herself and for Blair.

On Dan and Olivia’s pizza date, he appreciates Olivia’s humble nature, which is a nice change compared to his last relationship with Serena.  Olivia leaves for the premiere, still keeping Dan in the dark but telling him she doesn’t think she’s the type of girl he’s looking for.  Since his date ended early, he asks Vanessa about going to a movie and she’s got just the one for them to see: Olivia’s premiere.  But before the premiere, Ursula is a nervous wreck even as Serena is able to talk her off the figurative ledge.  The publicist learns that Ursula’s big song has been cut but she won’t tell Ursula to keep Ursula from skipping out on the event.

At Blair’s sleepover, Dorota’s being stingy with the gin because she thinks what Blair is doing at Constance is wrong (and not that serving gin to minors is somehow bad).  The sleepover gets shut down fast as Gossip Girl blasts everyone that Chuck and Jenny are attending Olivia’s premiere together.

And now’s the time on Gossip Girl when all of our storylines merge into a big “cabaret meets Nazis” kind of party!  Rufus arranges for Lily and Serena to spend time to talk about Serena’s new job as Ursula’s publicist–at least for the year while she defers from Brown.  Lily relents, and there will be “no Brown talk.”  (Is that racist?)  But then Ursula runs up and needs Serena.

Dan’s wandering around and Olivia spots him just in time for the camera to surround her before she can tell Dan who she is.  He figures it out faster than I’d think, especially when he has a history of dating girls who lie about their identities.  So we see a brief scene and Ursula runs out in tears; her publicist is glad because it will just generate a public meltdown.  Serena is not pleased.

Blair wants to go after Jenny for ruining her sleepover, until Chuck intervenes and tells Blair that she needs to grow up and accept that life is different at NYU.  She screams a little and Chuck reminds her that she’s Blair Waldorf, he loves her, and she can deal with the NYU homesick malcontents.

After the cameras stop flashing and the premiere lets out, Olivia finds Dan alone in the theatre and she apologizes to him for her deception.  Apparently, it was a big turn on for her that Dan didn’t know who she was.  (She also thinks she technically didn’t lie because her middle name is “Kate.”)  Dan blabs about his past dating drama and it looks like there’s no future for these two.  In our bathroom drama, the publicist wants Ursula to have her meltdown, while Serena advises for grace.  Ursula thanks Serena for this obvious advice and walks out just before Serena gets fired.  And Blair gets a taste of the spotlight when some photographer asks to take her photo–this has Chuck Bass written all over it.

The next morning Serena has to tell Lily that she lost her job.  Lily still doesn’t understand that Serena doesn’t want to go to Brown, and so Serena walks out in time for Lily to blame Rufus for letting this happen.  Oh Lily, I’ve missed you!

In Vanessa’s dorm room, she tries to bond with Olivia as she listens to Vanessa give dating advice in Dan’s favor.  Olivia heads out, presumably to find him.  Down the hall, Blair’s talking with three other freshmen who didn’t get into elite schools; they will be her new ladies in waiting as she rakes and hoes NYU into her personal garden.  They tell her about a package waiting for her–it’s some uniform from Chuck asking for some “one-on-one tutoring.” Hem, hem.

In the end, Ursula insists that Serena stay on as the publicist, Vanessa calls Scott who’s in the middle of plotting something with Georgina, Dan’s reading alone until Olivia walks in and wants to get to know him better, and Jenny is ordering up some yogurt on the steps of the Met.

Next week: Rufus and Lily get married, with the return of Georgina and Scott up to no good.

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

Season 3, Episode 4: Dan de Fleurette (originally aired October 5, 2009)

For more on Gossip Girl, click here.

Mondays at 8/7C, The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW, Giovanni Rufino

Project Runway: The Case of the Pumpkin Disco Ball

Heidi introduces this week’s challenge, or rather she cryptically passes it off to Tim.  Something about being colorful.  Tim passes it off to Martine Reardon of Macy’s who says something about a blue clothing line through INC, Macy’s in-house brand.  Anyway, they are to design two blue outfits, working in pairs.  The winner gets to design a winter dress that will be featured in limited Macy’s stores and on their website.  Anyway, they need to sketch and present to Ms. Reardon, who will pick the five team leaders, and they are Irina, Althea, Carol Hannah, Christopher, and Louise.  And then they pick their partners: Althea and Logan, Christopher and Epperson, Louise and Nicolas (and his immunity), Irina and Gordana, and Carol Hannah and Shirin.  Mood scramble, yadda, yadda, yadda , no wait, something happens this week: Louise can’t find her money envelope.  Oh there it is . . . next to her sketches.  This, when coupled with working with the guy with immunity and being featured early on in the episode, does not bode well for Louise.

In the workroom, Epperson and Christopher are all bosom buddies and we get flashbacks of his last disaster team challenge with Qristyl.  We then learn that Louise makes bird calls and other cartoonish noises while she works (so do I!), but that doesn’t include the cat calls the ladies and guys are making at the dreamy Logan, probably because he’s not wearing a Smurf hat this week.

Tim’s Take, but don’t get him started on leggings.  He thinks Carol Hannah is 80% there already, provided those leggings go.  He’s excited by the potential of Louise (whatever that means), as well as the modern suit that Althea is making.  In talking with Irina and Gordana , they’re disagreeing on somethings so he backs off.  His conundrum with Christopher is the different textiles, and then Christopher and Epperson talk about reinventing the shirt dress.  How bold, now send in the models!

Before the next day, Nicolas gets sick by Louise’s ruffles and it sounds like he may throw her under the bus if need be. which is interesting because he has immunity.  Irina and Gordana are still having communication issues but at least they’re being polite about it, or maybe that’s passive aggressive, I’m not a psychologist.  So Macy’s Accessory Wall (with new INC brand shoes), final fittings, and we’re off to the runway.

Runway.  Heidi introduces the judges: Michael Kors is back (yeah!), Zanna Roberts (Marie Claire), and Ms. Reardon.  She starts the show by warning that “one or more may be out.”  Interesting.  Also interesting: Gordana’s model is showing a lot of breast and Logan’s model is showing way too much pootie.  So far, these outfits stink as we get two ruffly things in a row from Althea and Louise.  Carol Hannah’s first outfit is very stewardess, circa 1960, and I agree with Tim on why leggings are evil.  Christopher’s shirt dress is great . . . for a shirt dress, and it’s really the only thing I liked.  But what do I know?  Logan and Althea are sent back immediately as neither good nor bad.  And for some reason Christopher and Epperson are in the bottom.

The good.  Carol Hannah and Shirin: They like the tunic and the stewardess number.  And Irina sort of calls out Gordana for not contributing more, but the judges don’t care because they like the outfits and they’re both staying in the competition.

The bad.  Louise and Nicolas: Heidi is not a fan of ruffles and Kors describes one as “a bridesmaid’s dress with a shower loofah ruched up the middle of it,” and apparently no modern girl wants to wear that.  Heidi twice points out how lucky Nicolas is for having immunity.  With Christopher and Epperson, Heidi thinks the non-shirt dress outfit looks like the woman was eating lobster and left the bib in.  Kors rips a new one into Christopher by talking about how bad both designs are, how they don’t go together, and how the shirt dress is for a 1979 librarian.  And Christopher starts crying . . . a lot.  (And I’m a total bastard because I can’t stop laughing while I watch.  I know it’s sad and disappointing for him but it’s the brutal honesty of Kors and Heidi that always set me off–he should be really glad Nina wasn’t there.)

Privy Council.  I’ve got nothing to say except Heidi debating which of Christopher’s is worst: “the pumpkin disco ball” or “the shower curtain nightie.”  With the good outfits, none of the judges are terribly excited about anything, well I’m inferring that from their comparatively mild comments.

Results.  Irina wins!  Shirin, Carol Hannah, and Gordana are in.  Epperson is in and Nicolas has immunity, with Heidi reminding him for a third time that he is very lucky.  It comes down to Louise and Christopher.  Per Heidi it’s down to Louise’s ruffled dresses were poorly made, not sellable, and dated, and Christopher’s outfits had nothing in common except for cluelessness.  Louise is out and after a very long stare and pause, Christopher is in (and makes a sad puppy noise).  So, I was right with my prediction, for a change.

We get a preview of Irina’s holiday dress, which looks too slutty for my holidays.  And next week they get new models and I can’t figure out what the challenge is going to be.  But at least Michael Kors is back.  I can’t handle it when he’s not on.

For another take on this episode, read Blue? Really? by Jaimie Campos.

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

Season 6, Episode 7: The Sky’s the Limit (originally aired October 1, 2009)

For more on Project Runway, click here.

Thursdays at 10pm EST on Lifetime

Photographs courtesy of Lifetime

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