Grey’s Anatomy Review: If/Then

Once again I have to tip my hat to Shonda Rhimes.  She manages to come up with innovative ways to freshen up Grey’s Anatomy every time.  I don’t think all of her attempts are successful, but the willingness to deviate from the norm is greatly appreciated.  This week the show takes a look at what would happen if just a few things in the past had gone down a little differently.  Concepts of chance, fate, and destiny have always intrigued me.  Using Meredith’s dream as a set up, we see Seattle Grace as if we’re in an alternate universe.  Let me explain.

What if Derek and Addison stayed together?  This scenario is presented, along with some much more implausible ones.  Let’s be honest, even if you made a different choice in life, that wouldn’t change the essence of who you are, would it?  Maybe it would.  Before she started dreaming, Meredith thought: what if my mother had never been sick?  Ellis Grey was a world-class surgeon, before she was stricken with Alzheimer’s.  Last Thursday’s episode showed what it would be like if Ellis Grey remained in her prime.  In Dreamland, Ellis and Richard are married and Meredith is Richard’s stepdaughter.  As a matter of fact, her name is Meredith Webber, not Grey.  How bizarre!  Owen and Callie are married, and Alex and Meredith are a couple.  Kepner is one of the cool kids, and Charles Percy is alive! I loved it.  The episode also showed hints of how some things were always meant to be.  Even though Owen and Callie are married, she and Arizona make a connection over shared surgical success.  There is a faint glimmer in their eyes as they look at each other, but of course their lives don’t allow that connection to develop.  Owen is still shell-shocked from the horrors of war, but we see what it would be like for him with a different support system in place.

It was most interesting to see well-established characters acting completely differently.   Miranda Bailey and Derek Sheperd are two of the most ambitious, brilliant doctors at Seattle Grace.  Could you imagine them being meek, passive, and underachieving?  This parallel universe shows a timid Bailey who is too afraid to confront Ellis with an oversight she made in a patient’s evaluation.  Ellis is arrogant and pushy, and her influence remains unchallenged.  She and Richard display favoritism towards Meredith, even offering to bump her rival Cristina from a surgery in order to give Meredith the opportunity.  That’s right, Cristina and Meredith are rivals and enemies, not “besties.” 

Unbeknownst to Meredith, her fiancé  Alex is cheating on her with Kepner.  When Cristina spitefully spills the beans about the affair, Alex’s golden ticket of marrying Ellis’ daughter is ruined.   The episode ends with Meredith and Cristina sharing a drink and becoming unlikely friends.  Despite the fact they are operating in an alternate reality, we see that maybe Cristina and Meredith’s friendship would have happened anyway, even if other circumstances were different.

In “real” life at Seattle Grace, Derek is an ambitious doctor and a loving, supportive husband who maintains clear professional boundaries between himself and his wife.  In Dreamland, he is the opposite.  He’s a skilled surgeon, but a petty individual who is mean to his wife Addison, even though she is pregnant with their baby.  Instead of nurturing and supporting her, they bicker constantly.  His face is covered in stubble and he looks like a burnout.  As a matter of fact, the residents don’t call him McDreamy.  With his sour disposition he is known as McDreary, a gloomy Gus who sucks the joy out of any room.

I think it’s a difficult task to keep a venerable series like Grey’s Anatomy fresh and new.  I’m satisfied with the strong writing and character development I continue to see each week, and I don’t think the show needs to resort to gimmicks to keep loyal viewers like me interested.  Having said that, I appreciate the writers’ willingness to play around with different ideas and have fun.  We all have wondered “what if, “ at some point in our lives.   What if we had taken the other job, or gone to the other school, or chosen the other guy.   Can we change destiny, or are some things going to happen no matter what?  It was nice to see the writers shake things up a bit.  Keep up the good work ABC!

Season 8, Episode 13: “If/Then” (original air date February 2, 2012).

Grey’s Anatomy airs Thursdays at 9/8c on ABC.

Images courtesy of ABC and Vivian Zink.

 

Jersey Shore Review: Nothing But Nice

All is right in Seaside now that Vinny has returned to the Jersey Shore house.  Pauly has his best friend back and harmony has been restored.  Despite Vinny’s brief departure things have been relatively tame by usual standards this season, but all of that came to a screeching halt on last week’s episode.  Mike has recently been “nothing but nice” to everyone, and if you’re wondering about his motives, you should.  Anyone who needs to constantly remind you of how nice they are probably isn’t really that nice.   Mike relishes the dual roles of both troublemaker and victim, and to achieve that he has been overtly nice to everyone while stirring the pot behind the scenes.

Mike enjoys playing the victim, but genuinely inspires hatred from his roommates by meddling in their personal affairs and stretching the truth when it suits him.  He decides that there is a disconnect between him and the fellas, even though they’ve been receptive to his kind gestures.  Ronnie jokingly says that Mike’s behavior is suspicious, and Mike takes that and runs with it.  He tells the girls that he suspects that people are talking trash about him behind his back.  Snooki tells him that if he has an issue with someone he should just confront the person and clear the air.  She gave him general advice; she did not confirm that anyone was actually talking about him.  Mike is manipulative and petty, and he spins the whole situation around to be the victim once again.  He looks for any excuse to get on the warpath, and he vows for the millionth time to expose Snooki to Jionni, with The Unit’s help.  In case I haven’t said it before…I HATE MIKE!

The bad behavior continued as we encountered more Meatball Problems.  In what can only be described as “Too Much Information,” Snooki reveals that she is having some bladder problems resulting from a urinary tract infection.  And we all know how you get those, don’t we?  Let’s just say that Snooki and Jionni have been very busy.  She has an accident at Karma and ends up wetting herself on the dance floor.  Usually such a catastrophe would spell the end of the night, but not for this broad.  Nope.  She goes to the bathroom, takes a “bath” popularized by ladies of the night, and keeps the party going.  Snooki. Is. Disgusting. 

Maybe I’m from a different era.  Maybe my 32 years on this Earth make me an old lady.  Maybe I’m not “with it” anymore, but I found her behavior appalling.  An accident is one thing, but to continue on after urinating in an open, public space is another thing entirely.  When she gets home she doesn’t even shower!!! *gag*  Later, when all of the bathrooms in the house are occupied, she decides that it’s acceptable to urinate outside on the deck.  Wait a minute.  You’re sober.  You’re at home.  And you pee outside anyway?  I’m almost done with this show, I don’t even care anymore. I’m a grown adult and this show is garbage.  Time to take out the trash MTV, Jersey Shore has jumped the shark.

Best of the Episode:  Vinny’s return

Worst of the Episode: Meatball Hygiene

What to Watch for Next: Will Mike make good on his threats?

Season 5, Episode 5: “Nothing But Nice” (original air date February 2, 2012).

For another take on this week’s episode check out “Pee Like A River” by Lauren Tyree.

Jersey Shore airs Thursdays at 10/9c on MTV.

Images courtesy of MTV.

The Voice Interview: Behind the Curtain With Adam Levine

The voice.  The talent.  The charisma.  The looks.  The six pack.  Few people in this world are lucky enough to have all five.  One of them is Adam Levine, front man for Maroon 5 and judge on NBC’s The Voice.  After struggling with low ratings for years, NBC finally found itself with a hit last summer in the show.  A lot of its popularity can be attributed to the surprising camaraderie between the diverse panel of judges/coaches, singing superstars Christina Aguilera, Cee Lo Green, Blake Shelton, and Levine.  Audiences particularly enjoyed the sibling-esque rivalry between Levine and Aguilera, as well as the bromantic relationship between the male judges.

Throughout the first season, Levine demonstrated he wasn’t just a pretty face, but a worthy competitor, having an uncanny knack for recruiting the top contestants and throwing out humorous one-liners while leading the multi-talented Javier Colon to victory.  Poptimal was fortunate enough to speak with Levine this Friday while he was promoting the show from Indianapolis, Indiana, home of the 2012 Super Bowl.  Watch the videos below to see his thoughts on joining the show and coaching his contestants, as well as his response to the Randy Jackson (American Idol) controversy.

Blind auditions begin tonight after the Super Bowl and will continue tomorrow in the show’s regular timeslot, Mondays at 8/7c on NBC.  Poptimal will be bringing you weekly reviews of The Voice.  Follow our coverage here: http://poptimal.com/tv-shows/reality-shows/the-voice/.

Videos courtesy of NBC.

Fringe Review: Double the Astrid, Double the Fun

This might have been another largely episodic installment of Fringe, but this week I couldn’t take my eyes off the television. The collision of the two worlds, the two “casts,” kept me riveted for the entire hour. Though I’m still anxious to learn more about Olivia’s past and Nina’a treachery, if they made a hundred more episodes like this one I would watch them all without complaint.

Also, after nearly four years, we finally get a story that revolves around Astrid!

The night begins with Other Astrid (Jasika Nicole) crossing to our side for an unknown reason. Alternate Broyles (Lance Reddick) briefs Alternate Lincoln (Seth Gabel) and Bolivia (Anna Torv), and Bolivia says that Astrid has had a rough week, and she’ll go retrieve her.

Other Astrid heads straight for Walter’s lab, and when she corrects him after he calls her yet another random name, he quickly realizes she’s different. Olivia walks in next, followed by Astrid, who shrieks at the sight of her double. Olivia, showing a rare moment of humor, says “I always wondered why no one does that.”

Actually, this entire episode sparkled with wit and humor, a facet we’ve been missing of late, but that is a welcome reprieve that allows us to breathe a little easier, even in the face of tragedy.

Other Astrid is a little different, with a disorder that surely falls somewhere on the autism spectrum, though it’s never been defined for the audience. Her father has just passed away, and she’s reeling a little from the shock and from the regret of perhaps not loving him as well as she could have. She seems to want to know about Astrid’s father, but before they can decide exactly how to handle this unexpected visit, two things happen: Bolivia shows up, and they get a case.

It’s easy to forget sometimes how different the Olivia’s are, or how brilliant an actress Anna Torv is, but seeing them side-by-side reinforces both of those facts. Bolivia is fun, she likes to tease, and she pretty much always says exactly what’s on her mind. She also doesn’t let it bother her when Walter calls her names like “viper” or pretends not to like her. It’s really amazing, to watch them both in close proximity.

The case follows a man, who after receiving news he has cancer, sits at a bus stop. Although the doctor assured the man he has a 95% chance at survival, a second man arrives at the bus stop and informs the patient he is in the 5%, and will not survive.  When the bus rolls past, the second, prophetic man is gone and the victim is dead, blood running down his cheeks like tears.

Peter (Joshua Jackson) still irks Walter (John Noble) with the way he takes over an investigation and spouts answers Walter is used to providing alone, and even though he’s agreed to help, Walter’s not exactly being nice to his son. Other Astrid notices the tension between them, and in her way of asking questions normal people would avoid, gets Walter to admit he’s rude to Peter because having him around reminds him of everything he’s lost. Other Astrid suggests perhaps he should choose to believe instead that his Peter is his son, which will make him happy to have him around. I’m not sure if this is going to work, but at least Walter appears to consider the option.

Bolivia also makes a Peter comment, this time to Olivia, as the two of them sit across from one another searching for clues. Their body language alone is enough to tell them apart. Bolivia watches Peter for a moment, then makes a comment about how handsome he is, causing Olivia to look and really see him for the first time.

The prophetic guy is being pursued by the Observers as well as our team, and the strange men also realize for the first time that our favorite Observer (Michael Cerveris), did not take the last step necessary to complete erase Peter.

It appears our perpetrator can see the way the Observers can – past, present, and future in the same time – and chooses victims by his ability to release them before the suffering they’re going to endure or cause takes place. What’s even more strange is that he somehow acquired this ability at his lake house – which sits on the same lake where Peter drowned (or was saved, depending on the timeline) and where he reappeared earlier this season.

They learn the identity of the killer (angel of mercy?) through some expert sleuthing by Other Astrid, and catch him at his mother’s house, where we learn he believes God gave him this power in order to prove his worth to the world.

He’s ready to die, or he’s already foreseen his own death, which occurs when Olivia shoots him. At the end of the day, she tells Peter he makes a pretty good partner. I wonder if this is going to be the beginning of something between them. Lincoln Lee (both of them) was conspicuously missing from this episode, and nothing has happened to make us believe the potential romance between him and Olivia will ever reach any kind of fruition.

I’ve always suspected that this IS Peter’s timeline, that there is no where to return to, and that it’s more a matter of figuring out how to make these people remember him than finding the ones who already do. Believe me, I could still be wrong, because there are moments on just this episode that confused me.

For instance – since there was no Peter to save, why did the Olivia’s switch places at all in this timeline? They obviously did, and in the same context where Walternate held Olivia on their side while Bolivia lived undercover on ours…but why?

There are still so many things we don’t know.

What I do know is that I hope we continue to see crossover between the worlds. The interactions between Bolivia and Walter were adorable and fun, and I like the way they see things differently and thus force our characters to look at their own lives through slightly different eyes.

What do you think? Would you rather see more episodes that proffer information about the larger questions of the series, or are you enjoying these standalone stories with a clue or two sprinkled in?

What are the Observers going to do now that they know our Observer (oh yeah, who has a name now – September) didn’t do as he was told? Is he still  alive?

I’d love to discuss it – leave your thoughts in the comments!

Season 4, Episode 11 “Making Angels” (originally aired February 3, 2012)

Fringe airs Friday nights at 9/8c on Fox

Images courtesy of Liane Hentcher and Fox

Supernatural Review: Dean Winchester – Hunter, Pie Lover, Baby-Daddy.

Dean knocks up a very sexy Sara Canning of The Vampire Diaries (TVD SPOILER: I’m still shocked that Aunt Jenna got killed!) and he ends up having a daughter trying to kill him. Sure we all have our daddy issues, but cutting their limbs is a bit much, no?

As the trail after Dick Roman goes cold, the Winchesters attempt to keep themselves busy by working another case, this time involving a series of bizarre murders where the male victims hand their hands and feet severed and a strange symbol carved on their chest.

Dean continues to struggle with Bobby’s death and decides to hit the local bar to distract himself. There he meets Lydia (Canning) where one things leads to another and he gets lucky. After one heated night of passion, Dean and Sam arrive at the scene of another man who was killed the same way as the other victims. The elder Winchester decides to call Lydia after accidentally leaving Bobby’s flask at her place (his treasured memento of the departed hunter). Expecting to be greeted with warmth after their recent one-night stand, Lydia is instead curt on the phone leaving Dean somewhat confused.

The brothers go to a nearby college where they meet with an anthropology professor to try and decipher the meaning of the symbol. Eventually the professor discovers that this mark is associated with the Amazons, the tribe of women warriors that lived in classical antiquity.

Yes, Lydia is an Amazon and Dean boinked her. To ensure the survival of their tribe, Amazons are apparently very fertile and their offspring grow at an incredibly fast rate. Dean returns to Lydia’s to get the flask and he meets a toddler Emma whom he overhears speaking to her mom in clear succinct sentences, asking who he was. With spider senses tingling, Dean stakes out the house and sees the head Amazons come and pick Emma up, emerging as a five year-old at the end of the day.

The young girls are taken to a hideout where their elders initiate them into the sisterhood. They eat what I’m assuming is some section of raw human male meat, washed down with a glass of milk (how very wholesome). Soon the girls become teenagers and are marked with the same Amazon symbol on their wrist.

After Dean’s bizarre encounter with Lydia and Emma, they piece together that they are dealing with Amazons and that the child could be Dean’s. While doing more research amongst the vestiges of Bobby’s books, Dean swears that pictures on the bed moved without him touching anything. He is quick to suggest that perhaps it was Bobby communicating from the beyond but Sam doesn’t want to hear it. We see the difference between the two brothers dealing with their grief. Dean isn’t quite ready to accept that Bobby is really gone. Nevertheless, the paper that is now exposed is a parchment written in ancient Greek. Sam goes back to the professor to get it translated.

He learns that the Amazons pleaded to their patron goddess to help them from dying out after their tribe. They were transformed into monsters and as a final initiation right, the young women had to kill their fathers and eat parts of them to become a full member of the sisterhood. Sam runs into the local detective assigned to the case and she turns out to be an Amazon who is aware that the Winchesters are hunters and not FBI agents. He kills her easily enough though and rushes back to help Dean.

Dean is now faced with killing his own daughter who appears at the motel, claiming that she’s run away because she doesn’t want to become a daddy-killing Amazon. He tries to give her a choice to just leave but she plays the “are you really going to shoot your own kid” card. Luckily, Sam bursts in and kills her instead. While Dean only knew his daughter for a short period of time, he had to ask himself if she was really a monster because she hadn’t killed anyone yet. Teaser video drew the parallel to Amy (who Dean killed earlier in the season) and now the situation is reversed. Sam understands that letting Emma go would have been the wrong thing to do because she was still a monster.

Sam berates Dean for almost getting himself killed, but after losing both Cas and Bobby so far, it’s understandable that the elder Winchester hesitated. A part of him probably felt that she was still his daughter and thus a family member.  While they’ve suffered great loss, at least they’ve still got each other. Bring it on Supernatural, I can’t imagine how much worse it’s going to get but I’m sure you’ll surprise me.

Season 7, Episode 13: The Slice Girls (originally aired February 13, 2012)

Fridays at 9/8c on The CW

Images courtesy of The CW.

Top Chef Review: The Playhouse Meets The Top Chef Kitchen – FAIL

Top Chef has taken me on a roller coaster this season. There’s been some highs: the black chicken massacre, Padma in a Paul Bunyan shirt-dress, and LCK. There’s also been some lows: an overdose of mass cooking challenges, Heather, and not enough Eric Ripert. I’d like to add a new low to the list. Pee-wee Herman. I don’t know what the Top Chef producers where smoking when they thought up bringing Pee-wee in as a guest judge but it was a supremely off the mark.

Had it not been for the fact that this article was due, I would’ve turned off the TV immediately after Padma introduced Pee-wee as the guest judge. You might be thinking I’m being a little too harsh, right? Pee-wee’s imagination fueled Saturday mornings in the eighties. The talking purple chair, the word of the day, the mail lady….it was all fun and games (well, until he had the unfortunate “situation,” if you get my drift). But at any rate, why would Pee-wee make an appearance on ANY show involving cuisine? Why would he fill the same seat as Eric Ripert, Cat Cora, and John Besh? Ok, ok, I know that the Charlize Theron and Patti LaBelle were also guest judges, but aren’t they more plausible than Pee-wee???

This Pee-wee driven episode also led to some rather mediocre challenges. In the Quickfire challenge, the chefs were asked to make Pee-wee’s favorite dish-pancakes. Ed put an innovative twist on the assignment and made a bunch of crispies, you know, the little doo-hickies that form on the edges of a pancake?  It was ingenius. Grayson made a buttermilk pancake with ricotta in the shape of Mickey Mouse. Lindsay also made a ricotta pancake that wasn’t anything too special. Sarah decided to whip up a whimsical pancake chock full of sprinkles and Paul made a pancake with champagne Dippin’ Dots. After tasting each creation, Pee-wee made lots of strange and creepy faces and shouted “That’s the best pancake I’ve ever had!” It was all so idiotic and uninspired. At any rate, Ed took home top honors and $5,000 for his pancake cripsies.

Moving onto the Elimination Challenge. Ok, bear with me as I try to explain it. Back in the day, Pee-wee starred in a movie called “Pee-wee’s Big Adventure.” In it, Pee-wee goes in search of his favorite friend, a bike. He’s told the bike is in the basement of the Alamo, where there is no basement. You with me so far? Are you starting to hate this episode as much as I did? The 5 remaining chefs are told to buy a bunch of ingredients, find a random restaurant to cook in and create a dish that will be served to Pee-wee in the Alama. Oh, and they have to ride red cruiser bikes everywhere they go. I’m not into cooking challenges that are also physical challenges. Why make it as hard as possible for chefs to even find a space to cook in? Why don’t we just focus on letting them be creative? We know they have it in them – just watch the Evil Queen episode again.

So, while our chefs are biking, we learn some random facts about Paul. Similar to finding out he was a pot dealer in a previous episode, we discover that he has a fear of bikes because he once fell off one and slammed face first into a manhole. Scary for sure. Now, every time he gets tipsy, one whole side of his face becomes red.

Our chefs all stop at a Farmer’s Market to get most of the ingredients they need. They next step is to find a restaurant that will allow each one to use its kitchen. Lindsay runs into a big jam as the restaurant she originally planned to use is taken by Sarah. Grasyon follows poor Paul and swipes the restaurant he was planning on cooking in while Ed finds a little Bed and Breakfast that he uses as home base. Lindsay ends up at some Hog Stand. Was anyone else surprised to hear how much of a southern twang Linsday has? At the hog stand, she really had her drawl on, but in her one on one interview, the drawl was nowhere to be found.

When each dish is complete, they have to bike it back to the Alamo where all the judges are waiting to chow down. Grayson made a giant stuffed chicken breast with a raw egg yolk gingerly tucked inside. It sounded gross. Ed made chicken and grits with a gravy. Paul decided to put an Asian spin on his dish (surprise!) by making red curry chicken with a basil blossom oil. Lindsay braised some beef cheeks and paired it with a stuffed zucchini. Lastly, Sarah made a chicken salad with a chicken skin vinaigrette.

It didn’t seem like any of the dishes completely wowed the judges but Lindsay and Paul were on top. Sarah, Ed and Grayson all ended up facing elimination. In the end, Grayson was told to leave for her enormous chicken breast. It was just too huge and that runny yoke made Pee-wee squeamish. Grayson has a trend of making giant proteins this season. I’m reminded of the huge steak she served Patti LaBelle.

This week in LCK, Grayson went up against Beverly. The challenge was to make a dish worthy of the finals. Beverly made a snapper and Grayson cooked up scallops. Who won? I don’t know!! Tom, conveniently cut out as he was announcing the winner. I guess we will have to live in suspense for a week.

 

Season 9, Episode 13: Bike, Borrow & Steal (originally aired February 1, 2012)

Images courtesy of Bravo TV.

Jersey Shore Review: Pee Like a River

At the top of this Jersey Shore hour, the kids are returning home from kidnapping Vinny, and Pauly couldn’t be more thrilled to have his “boyfriend” back. Deena makes silly noises and gestures in the confessional room to show us how delighted she is to have her Vinny Vin, but all I notice is the imminent psychological meltdown brewing behind the dead pair of eyes that insist on attempting to smile along with the rest of her.

Mike is Deena’s worthy opponent as he vies for most emotionally codependent in the house. The roomies have been looking at The Situation as a ticking time bomb since he started being relatively nice and not overtly plotting against them each day upon waking. In their shared bedroom, Pauly fills Vinny in on Mike’s recent change of attitude, and the lovers agree they’d be better off with a Mike who  consistently showed his true colors. As the saying goes, It’s better the Sitch you know than the Sitch you don’t.

Apparently, Mike is notorious for abandoning his housemates on trips to the club, and tonight at Karma is no different. While Mike heads off to “do his own thing,” as Ronnie puts it, Vinny and Pauly happily wingman each other while Snooki discovers she just can’t hold it in any longer. And so she leaves it all on the dance floor, voiding her bladder like an over-caffienated chihuahua (“I was so excited to be dancing with all my friends!”), and follows it up with a “Shore shower,” which involves dousing your body from head to toe in cheap perfume found in the cart of a bathroom attendant. Now fresh and clean, Snooki continues to dance and drink for hours before passing out in bed, waiting until morning to dispose of her underwear in the garbage outside. Later urinating a sizable bubbling brook under the backyard stairs because she can’t wait for the bathroom, Snooki is led to suspect a UTI may be the culprit. She decides to kill the pain with more tequila shots, and she won’t learn until later that she did indeed contract a UTI in the most predictable way possible. She also won’t hesitate to tell Andy Cohen on TV in a bid for more viral video action.

While her best friend is wantonly peeing her pants and drinking more alcohol to numb the shame, Deena is enjoying her now-intact “family,” wandering into Pauly and Vinny’s room after Karma and a snack of Hot Pockets to say “I love you” and demanding they each return the sentiment. Pauly eventually mumbles “loveyoutoo” as reluctantly as if he thinks the phrase might strike him blind once uttered aloud, but Vinny refuses outright to say anything of the sort, even after being asked at least a few times in a row. Yes, Deena is unreasonably needy and clueless and sad, but these two guys are assholes, and I don’t care how adorable their stupid guido bromance is supposed to be.

Meanwhile, Mike is becoming more aware of his roommates’ suspicions by the hour, and he’s particularly plagued by a comment Ronnie makes in their bedroom one afternoon. Acknowledging how nice The Situation has been acting lately, Ron wants to know what Mike’s up to. “When are you gonna blow up the house, you terrorist?,” he asks in a playful tone. Because Mike’s skin is thinner than a grape’s, he’ll remember this comment and replay it like a melody in his head for the next few days until everyone else suffers as much as he does.

After a Sunday afternoon outing at Jenks bar, during which Mike alienated himself from the gang in favor of sitting in the corner with an entourage of randoms because he’s always more comfortable surrounded by admiring strangers than with folks who expect him to be a person instead of a mascot for date rape, Snooki, Deena, and Sitch tumble into a cab to gossip. Mike is upset when the guys are two-faced, acting like friends when they’re together and complaining behind his back about his uncharacteristic niceness as if it’s something to be nervous about. Snooki instigates, telling him to call Pauly out specifically if he seems fake, since announcing his beef to the house is better than letting resentment build over time. Mike takes this to mean he should deal with this while he’s drunk by staggering shirtless down the staircase with camouflage pants hanging down to expose most of Situation Jr. while muttering about how much he needs Clearasil and then heading to the party deck outdoors to pace around and rant about how misunderstood he is. As the roommates gather to watch, Mike brings up the terrorist comment that’s been plaguing him and asks if he needs to adjust his behavior in any way. Everyone puts on their best innocent expression and pretends everything is cool. They do beg him to pull his pants up, since they can’t take him seriously with his penis threatening escape before their eyes.

Mike is not satisfied with how things went outside, so he pulls Snooki aside for more moral support for his confrontation. It’s weird that she has to prod him; maybe he really is reluctant to end his nice streak. When a second attempt at approaching the guys does nothing to provoke honest dialog, Snooki wonders with frustration at the camera. Why won’t guys say what they’re thinking? Why are they fake to each other’s faces but mean and sarcastic behind backs? Why can’t they be forthright and self-aware like their female counterparts? Snooki just can’t make heads or tails of it. So she keeps sipping on vodka, dons her prized bunny costume, and violently humps all the males in the house, continuing in her effort to slowly morph into her character on South Park, which we all once naively thought was a bit over-the-top.

Maybe Snooki is only trying to “help” Mike by diverting his attention to the boys- the real criminals here- so that he won’t bring up Jionni again. Maybe she’s nervous about all the dirt Sitch has on her, and she’d rather he be thinking about anything else. Mike seems to think this is the case after being assured by the guys that everything’s copacetic (even as they continue to make fun of him whenever he’s out of earshot) and essentially being called paranoid by Deena. Mike stews and steams and apologizes to the boys and plots revenge on Snooki. The douche nozzle is a bit rusty, so he tests it on JWoww first by tattling on her boyfriend Roger for hanging out casually on the boardwalk with friends after she’s been trying to track him down for days via phone with no success. And then, when he’s sure vengeance is his and remorse won’t be a problem, Mike picks up the phone to call Unit.

NEXT WEEK: Mike fills Unit in on why he might need his help exposing Snooki’s infidelity to Jionni, Deena tries to pull a robbery on Vinny at the club, and JWoww considers cutting off Roger’s access to the twins.

Season 5, Episode 5: “Nothing But Nice” (original airdate Febraury 2, 2012.)

For another take on this week’s episode check out “Nothing But Nice” by Tanya Lane.

Jersey Shore airs Thursdays at 10/9c on MTV.

Images courtesy of MTV.

Review: American Idol Finishes Up Auditions with Stops in Portland and St. Louis ..

That’s right, kids. This was the last week of the Used To Be Hilarious and But Are Now Incredibly Boring auditions.  Next week, Idol goes to Hollywood, where hearts will break, and drama will occur. For now though, stops in Portland, Oregon and St. Louis, Missouri offered lots and lots of talent, and a tale or two made to tug on your heartstrings. So let’s get started in Oregon with some of the highlights, memorable moments, and Seacrest’s intro: “This is Portland, I’m a huge douchebag, and THIS . . . . . . . . . . . is American Idol!!!”

PORTLAND: There was certainly a lot of talent and potential in this city, along with some of the usual hijinx from the judges, such as this nonsense gem from Steven Tyler: “I’m much too young to be this old.” I can definitely relate to that! Up first was 21 year old nanny Brittany Zika, who was unbelievably annoying and obnoxious when she spoke, but sang like an angel with one of the most beautiful tones I have EVER heard. Just please stop talking. Please.

We went from that to the most awkwardly strange guy in the universe, Ben Purdom, who had a horrible cold and kept blowing his nose and burping accidentally into the camera. He snapped his fingers annoyingly during his entire awful rendition of a Lady Gaga tune. I have no idea why they spent SO much time on this dork, but they did. I guess this is the type of thing that passes for humor these days on the show, since they have let go of the Simon Cowell erawhere they actually SHOWED the awful auditions and the hilarious judges’ reactions. Now, even when they show clips from past seasons, they cut out Simon Cowell, as if he was never even there. They actually showed a montage of the past 10 seasons, and every single clip was Randy Jackson laughing or reacting to the contestant. I guess he was the only judge on the show. Nobody else. Just him and his awful Bill Cosby sweaters.

Jermaine Jones was a large  6 foot 8 church singer who sang like Luther and sweated like a cracked-out Whitney. On the other end of the spectrum was country girl Britnee Kellogg, a 27 year old divorced mother of 2 boys, who was held back from chasing her dreams by her ex-husband. Her entire family came into the audition room with her, wearing supportive t-shirts and cheering behind her when she got through to Hollywood. David Weed has an unfortunate name, and a dorky persona to match. He works in a fast-food chain, and he looks like he works in a fast-food chain. The funniest part was that he sang Rush’s “Tom Sawyer” – possibly the oddest choice ever for his voice and personality. It was not good. He will be returning home and asking more people if they’d like fries with that.

There were two “tug at your heartstrings” numbers to make you want to jump off a bridge backstories in Portland. The first was Romeo Diahn, a Libyan who lived in a refugee camp during wartime as a child. He saw many deaths, but survived along with his family, who eventually moved to America for a better life. His vocals sounded very Bob Marley-ish and he had a nice raggae vibe. I don’t think he will be in the Top 12, but he was definitely talented. The second heartfelt story came from 25 year old Jessica Phillips, whose boyfriend suffered from a stroke at only age 25. He was in the hospital for a month, and couldn’t remember anyone, including Jessica. He is slowly improving, but Jessica is now his caretaker, and she says: “We still have life, and another chance to keep going.” Please excuse me whilst I go throw myself out a 9th floor window.

In between the two cities of auditions, we were treated to a preview of Madonna’s new song and video: “Give Me All Your Luvin,” which was pretty awesome! At 53, the singer seems to finally be having a blast in this latest video, instead of taking herself so seriously, as she often does with that fake British accent and talks of English tea and rose gardens. This is the Madonna I fell in love with when I was a teenager. This video is peppy, fun, and the song is very catchy and filled with pop! It also has a cheerleader-vibe to it, and was released just two days before her big Halftime performance at the upcoming Superbowl. Coincidence, or Madonna’s usual marketing genius? I think you know the answer . . .

 

ST. LOUIS: The show began in Missouri by showing clips of a smalltown girl from Oklahoma, getting ready for her big trip and audition for Idol, 8 years ago in St. Louis, Missouri. The show went on to show her audition, and everything that happened afterwards, including winning the show, and the numerous Grammys and other awards and endless fame. This person, is of course, Carrie Underwood. Would the next winner also come out of these St. Louis auditions? Let us find out . . .

John Keyser will be loved by women everywhere, because he is very cute and innocent looking. The 22 year old with a soulful, gorgeous voice was raised by his single dad, who was at the auditions and very proud of his son. Rachelle Lamb is yet another divorced mom with an a-hole ex who didn’t believe in her dream (Ladies – stop marrying assholes!). Bringing her little girl into the audition with her and belting out a Faith Hill song, this mom had an awesome and incredible sounding voice. Another great story was Ethan Jones, who is part of a father-son rock band. His dad, however, became a drug-addict and his family sent him to rehab for help. After getting through to Hollywood on his gritty, raspy, soulful sounding voice, Jones called his dad, who told him: “I’m clean and sober, son. And I’m so proud of you.” “I’m so proud of YOU, dad!” Cue the sappy music and bring out the tissues.

Last up is the singer who made one of the strongest impressions on the judges in a long while, which is saying a lot since it seems there is a ton of talent this year. Lauren Gray works in the One-Stop-Wedding Shop that her family owns and operates, and she is the singer in the family wedding band that performs at receptions. Her dad also sings and plays guitar in the band. She came in and sang Adele, and her voice was astoundingly different and more unique than most of the others we have heard so far. Sexy, raspy, simply breathtaking. It sounds like the voice of a large black woman, like an Aretha. Upon her exiting with a Golden Ticket, Jennifer Lopez predicted that Lauren might be the next winner.

Next week, the drama and tears begin in Hollywood . . .

For another take, read “One More Week Until Hollywood!”

Season 11, Episodes 6 & 7: Portland, OR & St. Louis, MO (originally aired February 1 & 2, 2012).

American Idol airs (usually) on Wednesdays/Thursdays at 8pm on FOX.

Follow @poptimal.  Follow @kelleyiskelley.  Read Kelley’s blog, RIP the life I Knew: the hilarious, awful truth about loving and losing my husband here.

For more American Idol coverage, click here.

Photographs courtesy of IMDbPro and FOX.

The Vampire Diaries Review: I Want Us To Be A Family Again

Let’s be honest – a lot of kooky shit goes down on The Vampire Diaries and I should no longer be surprised that I am surprised but did ANYONE foresee that the mysteriously locked coffin would hold none other than Klaus’s mother?! I mean, holy crap. My jaw is still on the floor. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. That is of course what happened at the very end of the episode so hold that thought, friends!

This week’s episode instead began with good old Sheriff Forbes showing up at Elena’s door to inform her that her prints were found on the weapon that was used to kill the town’s medical examiner. And to make matters stranger, the weapon itself came from Alaric’s personal collection of vampire slaying tools. The sheriff quickly rules out Elena and Alaric as suspects (which probably makes her a horrible sheriff) and thus directs suspicion towards Alaric’s new lady friend, Dr. Meredith Fell.

We recently learned that Dr. Meredith likes to use vampire blood to heal her patients and did so to save Caroline’s father, which seemed just fine and dandy until Caroline and Elena stumble upon him stabbed to what appears to be death. Luckily for him though, he has vampire blood in his system which means he’ll rise again as a vampire. This also initially seems fine and dandy until we remember that dear old Dad is a notorious vampire hater who proves it by refusing to feed on blood to complete his transition and thus signs his own death certificate.

Caroline begs and pleads for her father to join her in a life as a vampire but he respectfully declines and passes away before the episode ends. This was a poignant little twist and provided Candice Accola some great scenes to deal with the impending loss, which further proved why she is one of my favorite actresses and characters on the show.

That same night Elena finds Alaric stabbed in their house and must ultimately kill him to save him. This works but makes Elena even more convinced that Meredith is behind it until the sheriff can confirm that Meredith did in fact have an alibi for the time Alaric was attacked. The mystery continues….

And if you were hoping that either Damon or Stefan would be around to help Elena cope with these latest tragedies, you’d be wrong. It is once again Matt the Boring Human who is there to comfort Elena and further confirm my suspicions that they will soon be a couple once again.

Damon and Stefan aren’t just twiddling their thumbs though. In the last episode, Damon revived the comatose Elijah from his slumber in hopes that he would join in their fight against Klaus. Both Damon and Klaus make compelling arguments for Elijah’s allegiance but we are left in the dark for what he’ll do for most of the episode until the two pairs of brothers meet for dinner under the guise of seeking a truce.

While the dinner proceeds Bonnie and her recently found mother, Abbey, try to use their magic to unlock the sealed coffin that may likely hold the key to defeating Klaus. They find a clue in a spell book that suggests working together will break the seal but with Abbey’s weakened power it doesn’t seem likely. That is until Bonnie gives one hell of a pep talk that suddenly makes momma powerful again and allows them to break the seal. But what was hidden inside gets out without their assistance and moves on to more important characters…

Meanwhile back at the dinner, Stefan gets saucy with Klaus who properly beats him and threatens to burn him alive unless Damon goes and retrieves the coffin. Damon is about to obey but then Elijah plays his cards and brings out his now revived three siblings, Rebekah, Kol, and Finn, to confront Klaus for betraying them all. Damon and Stefan are set free and we settle in prepared to see Klaus get a sound ass-whooping just as their mother storms in fresh from her locked coffin, tells Klaus she forgives him, and pleads to the whole brood, “I want us to be a family again.”

WHAT?!

I just…I can’t. I have no idea where this goes from here. Perhaps they’ll form a family band and travel around Partridge Family-style? Klaus totally has that Danny Bonaduce thing going for him so it could work…

Does anyone else have any thoughts about what this newly reformed family will be up to? Your guess is as good as mine!

 

The Vampire Diaries Season 3, Episode 13: “Bring Out the Dead” (Originally aired February 2, 2012)

Images courtesy of Quantrell D and The CW. 

Real Housewives of Atlanta Review: The Circle of Life

This week on Real Housewives of Atlanta, we begin with a handheld camera on a turbulent plane ride, where Cynthia and NeNe goof around en route to South Africa. Cynthia is about one thousand per cent more impressed with the first class seating than she should be, considering she’s an allegedly internationally-beloved top model. Across the aisle, Kandi and Phaedra crack themselves up with stupid jokes about riding animals and everything else, too. And as the lucky ladies descend upon Cape Town, I experience Jan-Brady-level pangs of jealousy and resentment, though having Marlo along would be too high a price to pay even for such a glorious vacation.

“One bad apple does not spoil the applesauce,” says Phaedra about Marlo. Is that one even accurate? How big is the batch? Besides, Marlo’s more like a rotten egg in the applesauce, which she sets upon demonstrating immediately on the ride to the luxury hotel. First stating several times that she refuses to share a bathroom with anyone, she goes on to give an etiquette pop quiz because of some asinine book she read which tells you to pass the pepper as well when anyone asks for the salt and also eat your bread in delicate little buttered pieces so as not to be seen chomping down on entire slices like some sort of hopelessly undoable fatty. This is her idea of friendly conversation, I think. Plus, she doesn’t have anything else knocking around in that noggin at the moment, as she likely ran out of Chomsky references on the plane.

After walking through their beautiful sprawling penthouse as awe-stricken as if someone had just transported them there from a prison camp, the women settle in the kitchen to negotiate room assignments. Marlo instantly tries to claim the most desirable room, but Cynthia shoots her down. “Cynthia should watch out, because Marlo is moving in on her friend,” says Sheree, explaining the underlying tension between the Succubus and the Model. Though what happens next is completely outlandish, I promise I’m not making it up: Marlo asks the concierge for the names of each of the housekeeping staff that will be working on their apartment for the 36 hours of their visit, adding that she needs to be alerted by cell phone if anyone is sick during a shift. The other ladies have the good sense to look a bit embarrassed under their wooden smiles. I try my best not to shout at the screen a very ugly, very hateful, misogynistic word that I loathe. It’s harder than it sounds.

Eating a gourmet brunch on the balcony in their sleepwear the next morning, the group discusses their plans, noting that they’re only in South Africa for the day before heading on Safari. Marlo’s still spouting her etiquette tips, and but everyone is fed up. Kandi’s hilarious and spot-on impression of Marlo in her talking head is the only genuinely funny thing I’ve ever seen her do. Then, she makes a great point, saying “Marlo is constantly trying to erase her past and make herself into a new person.” Suddenly, I see Marlo for what she is: a weeping, self-loathing child huddled and trapped in a dusty corner inside an obsolete sex machine on autopilot. It’s probably not her fault, but there’s gotta be an escape route somewhere.

Two ensuing events are best seen in light of this new paradigm so that Marlo’s visible disappointment and hurt aren’t such a mystery. First, Phaedra hands out custom inscribed mirrors to her friends as a commemorative item, leaving Marlo out since her attendance was unexpected. Ever the classy lady, Phaedra promises to have an additional one delivered to Atlanta before they arrive home, since Marlo feels so excluded. “This is what happens when you casually Plus-One on a ten-day international vacation!” points out Phaedra to the camera. Next, Sheree announces that her gay (relevant later) friend Kevin is throwing a dinner party tonight, and only Phaedra and Kandi are invited, since NeNe probably wouldn’t feel comfortable around a friend of Sheree, anyway, and Cynthia is attached at the hip to NeNe. Cynthia is at least as hurt as Marlo in this situation, since she wants people to know she can get along without NeNe. She explains inside that she thought being in the Motherland would magically heal all wounds and dissipate the drama. She was wrong.

Back home in Atlanta, Ms. Kim Zolciak is missing out on the trip to shuffle around her mansion breastfeeding and eating her parents’ Italian food while Sweetie continues to be utterly useless at her job and Kroy runs around on a distant football field. Those seat edges won’t know what hit ‘em when Kim’s spin-off show finally premieres!

The women in Africa view the entire city from a yacht; Phaedra notes that it reminds her of San Francisco. Cynthia doesn’t think it looks like the same Cape Town from 25 years ago when she visited last, broke with no access to luxury anything. Kandi asks Phaedra if “this is where apartheid was,” and Phaedra is just impressed that someone brought up a historical event at all, considering how busy they are popping bottles and sighing in relief that their surroundings don’t look like those annoying late-night charity ads.

Seemingly out of nowhere, a few fertile seeds of drama are planted when Marlo claims that she saw Kandi at the mall recently and received only a perfunctory wave. Kandi insists she misread the interaction, and Cynthia takes the torch by accusing Phaedra of not being unapproachable in general. Remember how Cynthia and Phaedra already went on that double date and supposedly cleared everything up? Cynthia doesn’t. NeNe then asks for permission to clear the air, too, asking Phaedra why she’s so cold when Apollo always says hi. Phaedra promises to do better, but Cynthia isn’t done bringing the chaos, so she prods Sheree and NeNe to make up. Sheree responds with uncharacteristic maturity, saying they’re a work in progress. Finally having tossed the pink elephant a quick glance, the ladies have a laugh and resolve to be cordial for the rest of the trip. I think we all know just how fat that chance is.

At the penthouse, Sheree joins Phaedra and Kandi to start getting ready for the dinner party while gossipping about how dramatically sensitive Marlo is and how she needs to listen more than she talks. They laugh about how Marlo and Cynthia are NeNe’s “booty lickers” until Phaedra sees Cynthia’s shadow outside the door and starts to change her tune when asked what they were gabbing about. Phaedra says something along the lines of, “We were all just saying how glad we are that we cleared the air on the yacht,” and Cynthia invites the three of them to Nobu even though she knows they have their own party. Who goes to South Africa and dines at Nobu, of all places? Sheree responds to the invite by extending one to Cynthia for the dinner but clarifying that the other two women are still banned, and Cynthia sprints out the door and plops onto the bed where NeNe and Marlo sit to gush like a teenager about finally being invited to the exclusive event. Their initial expressions are ones of deep hurt; NeNe then pretends very loudly not to care one bit, but Marlo needs to go investigate for herself.

Here’s where everything falls apart. Once confronted by Marlo’s desperation to be a part of the gang, Sheree’s obsessive need to feel popular and highly envied explodes into a massive fireball of denial, contempt, and incomprehensible shouting between the two women. In one of the most candid scenes ever, they trade insults that are below the belt and true and very sad. Marlo attacks Sheree for being “ugly” and not having a man, thus having to resort to hanging around [insert the most awful slur for gay men here]. The fact that Sheree is literally at this moment on her way to the dinner party of one of her closest mutual friends of Dorothy is hilarious. Sheree counter-attacks, reminding Marlo that everything she owns is a result of sleeping with an 80 year-old white billionaire for awhile. Marlo is unashamed and continues to rattle off how much shit she has, completely oblivious to her own implicit admission to being a textbook prostitute.

As the shouting devolves into shrill gibberish, NeNe achieves a moment of enlightenment. “Is this what I look like when I fight? They look absolutely stupid!” Cynthia tells us she’d never have said anything if she knew her tattling would result in this massive battle, but I don’t believe her. In this moment, she gets to sit back and watch from the sidelines while NeNe plays peacemaker, while Sheree denies her well-documented money problems out of pride, Marlo expresses her personal hurt in the most degrading way possible, and the two wounded souls persist in launching arrows and shrieking and convulsing until the screen fades to black and promises us a continuation of the terrible spectacle in the following episode.

NEXT WEEK: The women head out to Safari and play with orphans. Sheree calls Marlo a “time bomb.”

Season 4, Episode 12: “South Africa: Just Like Home” (original airdate January 29, 2012)

The Real Housewives of Atlanta airs Sundays at 9/8c on Bravo.

Images courtesy of Nadine Hutton and Bravo.

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