In any case, we have come to the end. The Finals, and the great big Finale Event. The three that remain dancing are, of course, Donald and Peta, Katherine and Mark, and William and Cheryl. Each couple would dance two times. The first round is Judges’ Choice (a new routine to a style of dance the judges feel the couple needs improvement on), and the second round is the ever-popular, amazing, never disappointing Freestyle Dance where anything goes. During the finale episode, each couple had one final dance for judges’ votes only, but everybody knows that dance is pointless, since America has already voted at that point and I don’t believe for a second that last dance affects ANYTHING. I ain’t no fool!

William / Cheryl:

Judges’ Choice was the Cha-cha, and the couple got the help of Bruno Tonioli and his insanity. During rehearsal footage, he told William that he is “sex on legs” and I suppose he gave him some actual dancing tips in between the lusting. Their dance was sexy as hell; hip action and Will had the open shirt. What could be better than that really? Len said it was “loud and proud, and that was just your shirt!” (Okay Len. That joke bombed. You need to stop getting your material for jokes from the nursing home cafeteria ladies.) Bruno stood up and yelled: “It was intoxicating! Like a human COCK(pause, pause, pause)tale on the dance floor!” Right Bruno. You just wanted to say the word cock. Genius. The pair received a perfect score of 10/10/10.

Next up was the Freestyle and it was hot, fiery, Latin, and filled with lifts. It was exactly what we would expect from the talented William and more! However, cranky Len disagreed. “Too predictable! All you do is show your bum and shake it. I’m fed up with it!” to which Tom Bergeron observed, “I think that Len is suffering from bum envy.” Bruno thought it was sinful, and a “Latin-inspired extravaganza!” while Carrie Ann said the dance was “breaking new ground!” Len shot back, “What new ground? It was the same ole thing!” As Len continued to be cranky and ask for his prune juice, the judges kept arguing and scores were 10/9/10.

Katherine / Mark:

In the first round, the couple did a Pasa Doble with the help of judge Len Goodman, who assisted Katherine with her technical movements in the dance, or as Len says, the “duuuuuuuuunce.” The result was a gorgeous, flowing routine that made Katherine look “like a ballerina” (according to Carrie Ann), and was filled with “technical brilliance” (Bruno). Len enjoyed the “tasty tidbits” in his pants . . . I mean . . . in the duuuuuuunce. The pair received a perfect score of 10/10/10 and were happier than pie.

The Freestyle round brought forth one of my VERY favorite dances of the season, if not my favorite ever! I just looooove this style of music (swing), loved the song (Fosse’s “Sing, Sing, Sing” with Katherine herself singing the first few lines beautifully) and love the complicated, quick movements involved. Simply incredible. I could watch this again and again. Bruno called it a ”flamboyant tour de force, so much content, on the money!” Carrie Ann cheered, “this showed you off like a Champion!” and Len yelled, “Now THAT was a freestyle!” Another perfect 10/10/10 score.

Donald / Heavens to Peta Mergatroyd:

Judges’ choice was an Argentine Tango, with the help of judge Carrie Ann Inaba, who advised the pair to put more content into their routine to get that 10 score from Len. The dance was sharp, smooth, and very suave. But guess what? Len still didn’t hand out that 10 to Donald. When he said he found the dance to be “a bit careful” Tommy B. retorted: “He is really starting to annoy me.” Funny stuff. Backstage, scores were 10/9/10 and Donald promised that he would finally get that 10 from Len in the Freestyle dance.

For the Freestyle round, Donald and Peta did something that nobody would ever see coming from them . . . a country and western line-dance using Cowboy Troy. It was awesome! Tons of complicated, dangerous lifts! Incredible footwork! Carrie Ann called it her favorite dance of the night, Bruno commented that he can never resist the wild, wild west, and Len said something about how in football, catches equal matches. Matches? I think that’s tennis, you dope. Anyway, they loved it, and Donald FINALLY got his 10 from Len, on the last day of the season. Perfect score of 10/10/10.

The second night of the show was the “Finale Extravaganza”, where all the ex-stars come back out to play, and where they try to waste 2 hours of TV time with anything and everything, and then cram the Winner of the show into the last .16 seconds of airing. Each of the three couples also danced one more time for judges’ scores, but everyone knows that dance meant nothing.

Kelly Clarkson performed a medley of two of her big hits off her current album, and of course, promoted her upcoming new show to air Thursday night, Duets. When Kelly asked Tom Bergeron if he would like to do a duet with her on the show, he made a joke about how that would ruin the show immediately, but what Tommy B. doesnt understand is that THIS is what America wants to see. We want to see Tom and Brooke doing a Pasa Doble for scores. Or Tom and Kelly Clarkson butchering through a duet. Or Tom and Bruno getting freaky with a Jive. Any of that would be so much fun.

The cast of stars were all back in their glory for a final shining moment onstage. Sherri danced with Val and a whole slew of male pro-dancers to “It’s Raining Men” while the robotic twins Martina and Wagner both got their wooden steps in during a foursome dance. Jack still looked like David Bowie, and Martina is still a tennis legend and not a dancer. Gladys and Man Ass got their moment in the sun as well, and the show finally did what they should have done months ago, and had Gladys Knight do what she does best . . . SING! (duh!) She did a beautiful rendition of “The Way We Were” and the Empress of Soul was so moving, she actually moved herself to tears.

There were more dances, video montages, people crying, lots of people talking about how great other people are on the show, and then the Final 3 went down to the Final 2. With this group of 3 very talented and deserving dancers, it really could have been anyone. But it was William and Cheryl who took 3rd place, leaving Donald and Peta and Katherine and Mark as the Final Two.

And in those final seconds of the show, just before credits start to roll, they finally decide to tell us the winner. “And the winner . . . of season 12 of Dancing with the Stars and the MirrorBall Trophy . . . is . . .

DONALD AND PETA!!!!”

Yup. Who saw that coming? Maybe some did, but I thought it would be Katherine. However, I gotta say I have NEVER seen anyone on this show as excited as Donald was to win that cheesy, dumb trophy. He fell on the floor, he cried, he pumped his fists in the air, and he declared it as exciting as winning The Superbowl. Seriously – what is that trophy made of??? Tom Bergeron had a funny line when he went over to Donald and said, “Well, I have to ask you the question that Brooke always asks, How does it feel?” (Oh Tommy B., you know and I know that you know that I know that you know she asks that question so much becuase you read my reviews . . . I am your silent hero. I’m like a ghost-writer on the show with these reviews. I feel its time they start paying me now, or at least invite me to come sit in the damn audience already. I wanna meet Tommy B!) So, in the end, Heavens to Peta Mergatroyd gets her very first win as a pro-dancer, and yet another football player comes from behind to take the Trophy!!!!

Great season. Great dancers. Great cast. I don’t know how they are going to beat this one. My suggestion would be to go back to the “freak” route. Bring back the freaks!!! I will even give you a few ideas. How about Octo-mom? Talk about hilarious! Tony Danza! He claims to be a dancer in real life. I think he taps or something. Let’s see how good he is! Regis! How about The Fonz? He could punch a jukebox to begin every dance routine. You need someone older than dirt and funny. Don Rickles! Let’s see Rickles do the Argentine Tango without croaking! There are always so many injuries on the show, and that damn ambulance is on standby. Next season, we need a death. Someone needs to die . . . LLLLIIIIVEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

I will miss you Tommy. Until next time, which will, of course, be in about 2.5 months.

Season 14, Episodes 19-20(originally aired May 21 & 22, 2012)

For more on Dancing With the Stars, click here.  Follow @poptimal.  Follow @kelleyiskelley.  Read Kelley’s blog, which chronicles the loss of her husband, at ripthelifeiknew here.

Dancing With the Stars airs Mondays at 8/7c and Tuesdays at 9/8 c on ABC.

Photographs courtesy of ABC/Adam Taylor

Hannah returns to her hometown of Lansing to spend some time with their parents during their anniversary, but it’s not long before she starts getting annoyed with them, especially because her mom keeps dropping hints about job opportunities in Michigan that Hannah should look in to.  She doesn’t want to tell them she lost her job last week, even though Marnie needs the rent ASAP.

When her mom starts having bad hot flashes, Hannah is asked to make a run to the pharmacy. Instead of hurrying like her mom asks, she stops in to visit a friend, Heather, from high school.  Heather informs Hannah that a girl they knew from high school recently disappeared, and there will be a benefit to raise money for her parents that night.  Heather also tells Hannah she’s moving to LA to be a dancer.

When she finally hits the pharmacy for her mom, Hannah gets asked out by the cute pharmacist’s son.  He asks her to go to the benefit with him, and she agrees, even though her parents were hoping to spend the evening with her.  Hannah gives herself an adorable, “You are from New York, therefore you are just naturally interesting,” pep talk before going out with Eric, the guy from the pharmacy.

At the benefit, Hannah is horrified to see Heather’s dance routine, which is . . . not good. Hannah starts to get upset, knowing how much Heather will struggle in LA.  She starts to realize that she and Heather aren’t so different – she’s a writer, not making any money.  She leaves the benefit with Eric and they go back to his place, where they have somewhat awkward sex (is she capable of anything but awkward sex?).

On their anniversary dinner, Hannah’s parents talk about Hannah and whether or not they should have cut her off. Her mom seems to have faith in her, though her dad is worried about her.  Later, her parents go back home and end up having some shower sex. But her dad slips and falls and hits his head. When Hannah comes home, she finds her dad naked on the bathroom floor. He says it’s his back that hurts. Though mortified, she helps her mom take him to his bedroom.

Afterwards, she and her mom have a conversation, and her mother asks how she’s doing with money.  Hannah shows some real growth from the first episode, when she threw a fit, by not asking for money from her mother.  Instead, she pretends to be making it work.

Back in her bedroom, she gets a call from Adam. Is this the first time he’s actually called her?  Granted, he’s calling her back, but that still seems like an improvement.  At the start of the episode, she was adamant that he no longer existed (even though she called him), but they have an actually pretty nice talk. She tells him that she cares about him, and after what happened to Carrie, the girl who disappeared, she’s scared that if something happened to him, she’d never know.  He tells her he misses her (wow, that’s big for Adam). The episode ends with them still talking.  Despite being miles and miles apart, it seems like the closest they’ve ever been.

This was my favorite episode thus far. While I missed the other three girls (especially Shoshanna, whom I adore) it was really nice to see Hannah in a new environment and to see her parents again.  I think we saw a lot of growth from Hannah, which was much needed. It was very smart and well done.  Kudos to the Girls team!

Season 1, Episode 6: “The Return” (original air date May 20, 2012)

Girls airs Sunday night at 10:30 p.m. on HBO.

Images courtesy of HBO.

The Good

No weddings!

“I’ll Remember”

Rachel Berry goes to NYC

In a not-so shocking move, but an off-the-book one no less, Glee showcased zero weddings in last night’s finale. This means both Will and Emma, who had been arguing over a date, will delay until November. It also means Finn and Rachel, who were ready to go in the car, will be waiting indefinitely, since he decided she’s off to college regardless of where it leaves him. In a surreal moment that could’ve been slightly more impactful, Rachel is the first of the New Directions seniors to take off for her new life, being dropped at the train station and singing “Roots Before Branches” while she hugs all of her high school friends one last time.

Each senior got their moment in the finale, complete with humorous voiceover, and we learned the updated versions of each of their plans. Not-so-surprisingly, we saw that Puck had yet to take his makeup exam, and was still in danger of having to repeat his senior year. After Quinn, who shared a tender moment with Sue, decided to give him a pep talk, she kissed him, and he was ready to go. Unfortunately for Brittany, but maybe fortunately for Lord Tubbington, she’ll be repeating her senior year because she failed all of her classes. Ever the optimist, she points out to Santana that she’ll be the first ever two-term student body president.

In a nice moment of closure, Finn asks Will to sign his yearbook. Gone are the father/son moments from the first season, as the two now interact more like brothers. Will finally comes clean to Finn about how he got him to join glee club, by planting marijuana in his locker after hearing him sing in the shower. Finn’s reaction? Will’s so much cooler than he ever thought. That’s right, Teacher-of-the-Year Will.

One last shout out to the writers for resisting the urge to cover the Vitamin C song that was so popular when I was graduating high school.

The Bad

So, graduation is basically a glee club performance?

So many unanswered questions

No weddings?

Kurt doesn’t get in to NYADA

Mercedes gets sidelined…professionally

Last night’s finale really didn’t feel like the goodbye I was expecting. The vignettes with each senior were a great touch, but ultimately, the lingering questions and last minute decisions that affected so many of their futures distracted from the moment.

Sure, I get Finn not getting into the Actor’s Studio. He didn’t actually act at any point during his high school life, except for that commercial for mattresses the team did back in season one. So, he probably wasn’t the ideal candidate for that school. But Kurt not getting into NYADA? If there was one character I was hoping would get a nice swan song of success, it was Kurt Hummel. Sadly, now we have to wait and see what’s in store for his undecided future. Also, maybe Emma should’ve spent a little less time wedding planning and a little more time guiding her students, explaining that applying to just one college isn’t your best bet.

When it came time for the actual graduation ceremony, Puck performed “Glory Days” with Finn, because any event at McKinley High is instantly a place for New Directions to showcase their talents. We got to see all of the seniors dance their way on stage, and most of their parents watching on, including Gloria Estefan as Santana’s mother.

Poor Mercedes, who is probably the most neglected character of the bunch, after not really pursuing higher education (or maybe she did and no one decided to tell the rest of us), reveals that thanks to Sam’s YouTube video of her singing, she’s off to Hollywood with a gig as a backup singer. To paraphrase Tina from last week, now she’ll get to professionally sway like a prop in the background.

The Unanswered

While it was a double-edged twist to cut both weddings we’d been expecting all season from last night’s finale, I’m a little distracted by the fact it didn’t really feel like an ending. There were so many characters left dangling or quickly wrapped up that I’m not sure what to expect from next season, particularly since we don’t know exactly who’s leaving, who’s staying, and in what capacity any or all of them will be featured.

A number of characters are putting Lima, Ohio in their rear view. Quinn’s happily off to Yale, ready for her fresh start. Mercedes is headed for Hollywood. Is it possible a fame-seeking Kurt will follow her there? Santana decided to forgo college thanks to Gloria Estefan’s graduation check. Will she be reuniting with Rachel in New York, bonding over the trials of auditions at a coffee shop, maybe even tiny apartment roommates? Finn’s in the army now. Does this mean we’ll finally get to meet his mostly forgotten father? Mike’s off to Chicago, but what does that mean for his relationship with Tina? What is Puck doing tomorrow, let alone in a life plan? I guess we’ll have to wait until fall to find out.

Season 3, Episode 22: “Goodbye”

Glee airs Tuesday night at 8 p.m. on FOX.

Are you a Gleek? Click here for more Poptimal coverage of Glee.

Images courtesy of FOX

In Theaters on June 15

Under the direction of Adam Shankman (“Hairspray”), New Line Cinema’s feature film adaptation of the smash hit Broadway musical “Rock of Ages” comes to the big screen.“Rock of Ages” tells the story of small town girl Sherrie and city boy Drew, who meet on the Sunset Strip while pursuing their Hollywood dreams.  Their rock ‘n’ roll romance is told through the heart-pounding hits of Def Leppard, Joan Jett, Journey, Foreigner, Bon Jovi, Night Ranger, REO Speedwagon, Pat Benatar, Twisted Sister, Poison, Whitesnake, and more.

The movie musical stars Julianne Hough (“Burlesque”), with actor/singer Diego Boneta in his feature film debut, Russell Brand (“Arthur,” “Get Him to the Greek”), Oscar® nominee Paul Giamatti (“Cinderella Man”), Academy Award® winner Catherine Zeta-Jones (“Chicago”), Malin Akerman (“The Proposal”) and R&B queen Mary J. Blige, with Oscar® nominees Alec Baldwin (“The Cooler”) and Tom Cruise (“Born on the Fourth of July”).

Shankman directs “Rock of Ages” from a screenplay by Justin Theroux and Chris D’Arienzo and Allan Loeb, based on D’Arienzo’s musical of the same name.  The film is being produced by Matthew Weaver, Scott Prisand, Carl Levin, Tobey Maguire, Garrett Grant and Jennifer Gibgot, with Toby Emmerich, Richard Brener, Michael Disco, Samuel J. Brown,  Hillary Butorac Weaver, Janet Billig Rich, Shankman and D’Arienzo serving as executive producers.

Rounding out the “Rock of Ages” creative team are director of photography Bojan Bazelli (“Hairspray”), production designer Jon Hutman (“It’s Complicated”), editor Emma E. Hickox (“A Walk To Remember”), Oscar®-nominated costume designer Rita Ryack (“How the Grinch Stole Christmas,” “Hairspray”), Grammy-nominated music supervisor Matt Sullivan (“Dreamgirls,” “Nine”), executive and Emmy Award-winning choreographer Mia Michaels (“So You Think You Can Dance”).  The original score is by executive music producer Adam Anders and Peer Astrom (TV’s “Glee”).

New Line Cinema presents, a Corner Store Entertainment production, in association with Material Pictures, in association with Offspring Entertainment, an Adam Shankman film, “Rock of Ages.”  Opening June 15, 2012, the film will be distributed worldwide by Warner Bros. Pictures, a Warner Bros. Entertainment Company.

www.rockofagesmovie.com

Fill out the form below for a chance to win. (No Purchase Necessary) *** If you are on Twitter, you can get extra entries by following us at @Poptimal and send the following tweet: “I entered for a chance to win tickets to an Advance Screening of #RockOfAges  http://bit.ly/KydMAA Thanks @Poptimal!” You will receive additional entries (limit one per day) to win the above prize.

Images courtesy of Warner Brothers Entertainment. 

Jon Hamm and Christina Hendricks don’t often get a lot of great scenes together but in this week’s episode as Joan is served with divorce papers and starts to lose her shit, Don kind of swoops in like a white knight on a Jaguar and makes her day so much better. He doesn’t hug her and tell her blandly that everything will be okay – instead he takes her to a bar in the middle of the afternoon, gets her drunk, and then helps her pick out a rebound guy.

It may sound like a crude scenario but Hamm and Hendricks pull it off with so much sheer likability you can’t help but fall in love with them. These two actors belong in more scenes together. In fact, I would probably watch them in real time for a full day if I could. They’re just that good.

But this scene doesn’t just brighten Joan’s day. It also has a definite impact on Don. After leaving Joan to her prey in the bar, Don drunkenly cruises around in a souped up Jaguar and eventually stumbles home where Teeth is fuming about not knowing where he has been. She screams and throws a plate of pasta but then drops a line that seems to strike a cord with Don. “You used to love your work before meeting me.”

We’ve seen all season long a sort of lethargy from Don when it comes to his work since falling for Teeth. Many people have mentioned it to him in one way or another, but hearing her say it seems to do something. The next day at work Don gives a stirring speech to the staff about how hard they’re going to work to earn the Jaguar account, which up until then only Pete had been excited about. The question now is whether or not this renewed drive to compete will last. I hope it does because honestly – who doesn’t want the old Don Draper back?

In a slightly more shocking turn of events we must shift our attention to our favorite Brit, Lane Pryce, who continues to have money troubles with the tax man back in England. As it turns out, Lane needs $8,000 in two days, which he definitely doesn’t have. So in a bold act he seeks out a $50,000 loan for the firm and then presents it to his fellow partners as additional funds he’s “found in the books” that should be used for Christmas bonuses.

What seems like a wise plan then backfires when the partners decide to hold off on issuing any checks immediately thus forcing Lane to sneak into the office late at night to forge a check to himself. We can only assume that he meant to do this and then not give himself a Christmas bonus later on to make up for it, but when the partners later decide to defer their own bonuses, things start to look bleak for Lane. We can see the pain on his face like a guilty man knowing he’s been caught. He of course hasn’t been caught yet, but this is inevitable. Oh, Lane, we hardly knew ye.

One of Mad Men‘s more minor supporting characters also got a chance to shine this week with a storyline that brought Harry Crane (Rich Sommer) back in touch with Paul Kinsey (Michael Gladis) who was not asked to join the new agency at the end of Season 3. Kinsey is now a disciple of Hare Krishna and has shunned advertising while being hopelessly devoted to his girlfriend Lakshmi (who I thought was Juliette Lewis for at least half of the episode).

Kinsey wants a little help from Harry in the form of submitting a spec script for an episode of Star Trek that he wrote. The script is obviously crap and Harry ends up having sex with Lakshmi on his desk at work before learning that she is a crazy person. Not wanting to submit the embarrassing script or give in to Lakshmi’s bizarre demands, Harry instead gives Kinsey $500 and tells him to travel to LA and pursue screenwriting there. Kinsey reluctantly agrees and another problem is solved.

More importantly (and it breaks my heart to say this) there are only three episodes left of this fifth season of Mad Men. It seems like it just began but here we are staring at the end again. Start posting your predictions below!

Mad Men Season Five, Episode 10: “Christmas Waltz” (originally aired May 20, 2012)

Watch Mad Men on AMC Sundays 10/9 central.

Images courtesy of AMC.

Before getting into the Gia drama, let’s start with Lauren Manzo who is getting on my last nerve. She seems to think that being chunky is just as bad, if not worse than being a paraplegic. All I hear is this girl complain to anyone who will listen about her diet, her genetic make-up, her brothers and her fatness. I get that everyone is different and some people put on weight staring at a cupcake while others can squirt Cool Whip into their mouths every day for years and somehow maintain a perfect physique. Attention Lauren: YOU KNOW YOU ARE THE FORMER. CLAIM IT, CHANGE IT AND STOP MAKING OUR LIVES MISERABLE BY COMPLAINING ABOUT IT. I did have to laugh though when Caroline said that Lauren was “Albert in a dress” and when Albert confessed to BRAVO cameras that he was glad Lauren was fat in high school because “boys want to be friends with chubby chicks, not go out with them.” Brutality! By the way, how funny/sad was it when that picture of Albie taking Lauren to her Junior prom flashed on the screen?

Next up, we visit Tre chauffeuring Juicy to nowhereville. Tre decides to tell Juicy about her talk with Joe Gorga at Cousin Kathy’s pool party. Joe immediately blows up and tells Tre her brother is a pile of crap and that he’ll kick anyone out of his house, including Tre, her parents and his own parents if they even utter one word about Joe Gorga. He also tells Tre to shut up. It’s disturbing behavior from a stupid loser. Juicy has no beat on reality and he sounds verbally abusive, in my opinion. But Tre doesn’t see it that way. She takes all Juicy’s blathering and then proceeds to tell us that she and Juicy never fight. I could see why they never fight given Teresa might still be in the process of growing a backbone. Bottom line in all this, if you didn’t think Juicy was an a-hole before this tirade, I hope you do now because he is.

In this episode, Gia decides it’s time to get some bras for the ti-tahs. It’s nice that she feels comfortable enough around Teresa to let her know she needs some support and Teresa’s reaction is somewhat cute, if you happen to forget that Teresa is awful from a general standpoint.

Lastly, we attend Field Day in Franklin Heights. For the most part, there’s an air of collegiality and normalcy but then Gia had to go and ruin it all by throwing a temper tantrum. She is upset when Joe allegedly cheats in all the field day events. I get why a little kid would take cheating seriously. As Tre pointed out, she’s taught that cheating is bad so why does Joe get a pass? But, on the other hand, she is 10 years old and the reaction she had to the situation was WAY too crazy. And it didn’t help that Jacqueline and Caroline cornered her while sulking and tried a dose of tough love. The kid is being a witch and wants to be alone, let her be alone. No need for Jacqueline to pick up the “Being a Poor Sport” book and try to make this a teaching moment. That’s Teresa’s job and one she fails miserably at when she comes in and basically validates Gia’s anger. It makes perfect sense that this is Tre’s parenting technique given that’s her approach to life in general. If someone feels bad, they are the victim, no matter how inappropriate their behavior might be. Zero percent self-reflection, 100% victim.

I’m still over all these Franklin Heights women . . . including the chubby chicks and the little drama queens.

Season 4, Episode 5:  Spoiled Sports (originally aired May 20, 2012)

The Real Housewives of New Jersey airs Sundays at 10/9c on Bravo.  Read more Real Housewives coverage here.

Images courtesy of Bravo TV.

Spoiled Sports

Linden and Holder make their way to Richmond’s (Billy Campbell) office and ask him for his help: They need access to the reservation and to the mysterious tenth floor, but the city has no jurisdiction over the tribal grounds and this isn’t the time for Richmond to get his hands dirty. “Chief Jackson does what’s best for Chief Jackson,” he apologizes. With no other play, the two go to Gil’s apartment where Holder ransacks it looking for the files. He turns up nothing, but Linden manages to break into Gil’s car and steal his GPS, whose last address is a location that could possibly be where he stashed the files.

Richmond, meanwhile, still has his meeting with Chief Jackson, but the Larsen murder and the unexpected visit from the Seattle PD has left him thinking about the case once again. Jackson wants tax exempt status for the entire reservation in exchange for the waterfront property, but he requests in exchange that she let the detectives into the reservation. This, of course, goes over about as well as a bloated summer movie based on a board game and Chief Jackson storms out of the office. “I speak for my nation,” she says angrily. “I think you speak for yourself, Ms Jackson. Always have,” Richmond deals back.

Linden and Holder’s lead turns out to be a storage locker straight out of Silence of the Lambs. There are no severed heads to be found, however after digging through a musty couch, Linden uncovers all the flies including the missing casino key. Later that night, they sneak onto the reservation and wait anxiously for the maid from the last episode to let them in through a back door. The maid is a no-show and time is running out, so Linden makes an executive decision to just walk in and try to run the gauntlet herself. “They’re gonna be right on you,” Holder pleads, “You don’t stand a chance!” But she moves into the casino anyway.

With her way up to the main elevators blocked by an armed guard, it looks like it may be hopeless, until Holder creates a distraction at a table, pretending to be incredibly drunk and incredibly belligerent. Though, he probably isn’t actually pretending to be belligerent since he’s surrounded by the people that beat the shit out of him not a day before hand. Holder’s sass is finally of some use here, especially when Chief Jackson arrives, “You’re either incredibly brave or incredibly stupid,” she scoffs, to which Holder flicks a cigarette in her general direction and heads for the exits.

Meanwhile, Linden has made her way to the elevators and is heading towards the tenth floor. The doors part and she steps into the blackness of a very under-construction floor, where not much seems very out of the ordinary. On the phone with Holder, she locates a generator, which was the source of the noise in the voice mail; also, the sliding glass door from the recording, which leads her to a balcony overlooking the skyline of Seattle. “She came here to look at the city. She was leaving that night and came here,” Linden realizes, retracing Rosie’s steps, “ She came here to say goodbye.” She looks through the sliding glass door into the under-construction room, where she would have been looking in her panicked state on the voicemail. Here, she saw Ames. But what else? Some kind of meeting? Whatever she saw, it got her killed. She makes her way back inside and looks around, spots an ID badge in a small crack in the floor. She can’t reach it, but it is clearly an ID badge issued by Seattle to provide access to city hall. “Adams?” Holder wonders. Just then, Holder sees light peering through the tenth floor window. “Turn off your flashlight, Linden,” he warns. “It is off…” she says before being knocked unconscious by an unseen figure.

The pace of The Killing has picked up considerably over the last few weeks, to mainly good effect. It’s difficult to wholly dismiss the vast loose ends that the show has left wide open, things like Beau Soleil and Stan’s mafia ties which were both at one time groomed to play a much larger role than they were given. Also, Mitch’s (Michelle Forbes) completely useless and arbitrary storyline finally gets some play this week when she visits Rosie’s real father David, whom Rosie would see secretly from time to time, and learns that Rosie was going to run away from home after high school. This realization both paralleled Linden’s own discovery of Rosie’s planned departure and made it feel more organic and planned than something like the anime tattoo from this season. This, however, doesn’t excuse Mitch’s pitiful storyline and her behavior; she is dealing with an incomprehensible loss, sure, but for her to abandon what remains of her family so she can go on a journey of self-discovery is selfish and inexcusable. She’s annoying and stupid this year, so maybe it’s a good thing that we’re not seeing a lot of her.

What we should be seeing in the closing weeks of The Killing is some answers pertaining to Rosie’s death. Answers that will no doubt make sense and be compelling, but will probably fall short of the epic reveal we’ve been expecting over the course of twenty-six episodes.

Season 2, Episode 9: “Sayonara, Hiawatha ” (original airdate May 20, 2012)

The Killing airs Sundays at 9/8c on AMC.

Images courtesy of Carole Segal and AMC.

Today Activision has unveiled the 1979 Bond classic, Moonraker, as one of the playable missions in the upcoming James Bond game, 007 Legends. For those that don’t remember or haven’t watched, the eleventh movie in the 007 series, starring Roger Moore as James Bond, pitted the MI-6 agent against billionaire industrialist, Hugo Drax, and the infamous Bond henchman, Jaws. The movie brought Bond to the moon where Drax concocted a  plan to wipe out the world population and replace it with his master race.

007 Legends will span across six movies from the series, ending with Skyfall. Activision promises the most diverse Bond experience yet as well as return of state-of-the-art spy gadgets, an arsenal of weapons, sleek vehicles, impressive stunts, and of course gorgeous Bond women.

007 Legends is planned to release on October 16, 2012 on the PC, Playstation 3, and Xbox 360.

Battleship stars Taylor Kitsch as Alex Hopper, a carefree scoundrel and general bit of misguided youth who’s living off the tab of his brother, decorated Naval Officer Stone Hopper (played by the ever dynamic Alexander Skarsgard). Unlike his responsible and accomplished older brother, Alex thinks nothing of a little breaking and entering as well as destruction of property in order to impress a girl who he only knows as “I’m Hungry.” That’s not her given name, but it’s only after he’s been tazed by the cops that Alex learns that Hungry is actually Samantha Shane (Brooklyn Decker), the daughter of Stone’s commanding officer. Fed up with his brother’s reckless ways, Stone enrolls his brother into the U.S. Navy. What starts out as a character building experience turns into a battle to save the earth as Alex finds himself outnumbered and outgunned at the forefront.

Battleship is by far an action film no matter the sudsy drama crap they try to couch it in; there are special effects, dedicated actors, and enough twists to keep it interesting. This is where the movie really excels: the chase scenes, the cat and mouse games are really what keep this movie afloat for the majority of the time. In fact, you really don’t need to see the first ten minutes or the last three. I think with a little trimming Battleship would be an even better film. Namely, there’s this overriding theme of Alex trying to impress his girlfriend’s father (played by Liam Neeson) that’s not even necessary considering that outside of the action neither Alex nor Samantha are that much of a character. This storyline drags the film down and makes it longer than it needs to be. You don’t always need a love story and I think that if this movie tried to do a little less, it would have been so much more.

The genius in Battleship is that it doesn’t really tote the movie as being a kick-off from the game. Quite the contrary, the movie unfolds in a nice and subtle way as the war field is laid out for you and then it’s like, “Oh, snap. Battleship!” There’s a fun little moment in there when Alex and Captain Nagata, commanding officer in the Japanese Navy, go classic board game to attack the aliens. This is a short-lived though crucial part to the storyline that was well handled by the production. Not to mention the famed words spoken in the film as it has been thousands of times in real life ‘They ain’t sinking this battleship!’

I also have to give it up for Battleship in its representation of the Armed Forces, especially the Navy. The film did a great job in showing the brotherhood, sacrifice, and strength that I imagine the Forces are all about. The film strikes an emotional chord by showing the character of these individuals through who they are as soldiers, and the courtesy and respect shown here is well done. Going a step further, the production of Battleship employed many real-life veterans and active-duty soldiers as extras and even one featured role, Gregory Gadson as Lieutenant Colonel Mick Canales. When a movie aspires to lift more than its own image, that’s something to take note of and so Battleship’s salute to the troops is an awesome thing.

There are, of course, a few eye-roll worthy moments to be had here. Pre-Navy, Alex is a bit of a pill and even throughout the film shows glimmers of that irritating side. Luckily for us, the majority of the movie is action based, allowing Alex’s personal failings to sit on the sidelines.

I hesitate to say it, but the principal cast of Battleship isn’t really much to be excited about. No one fails here, but there are few standouts. Taylor Kitsch is alright as Alex, aside from the approximately 10% of the movie where he is just plain sappy. But then again, love makes fools of us all. Alexander Skarsgard continues to convince me that he can do no wrong, and I’m prepared to go the rest of my life believing this. Brooklyn Decker is a pretty girl who’s in movies without exhibiting emotional depth, and I’ve never been on the Liam Neeson bandwagon so I guess he was alright. Rihanna manages to keep up, doing better than some other first time actors who hail from the music world. I loved Gadson’s Mick, as well as Tadanobu Asano’s Captain Nagata and Jesse Plemons as Seaman Jimmy Ord. Looking back, the persons with what may seem the ‘smaller roles’ were the most interesting.
Overall, Battleship is a smartly done film that beautifully salutes the heroes of our military while giving a nod to one of America’s favorite game. If you’re not still hopped up on The Avengers, and even if you are, you should definitely go see it.

Images courtesy of Universal Pictures.

What to Expect When You’re Expecting

The plot follows a few coincidentally attractive expectant couples from conception to delivery as they nervously prepare for their life-changing bundles of joy. An overseas adoption and a sudden miscarriage are casually thrown into the mix for variety. Cameron Diaz and her sexually nonthreatening husband Matthew Morrison are both reality TV stars, mostly so the other characters can watch them in their homes to give the impression of interconnectedness. Also, someone turns out to be someone else’s cousin as an afterthought, mostly so this fact could be revealed at the end of the film, to no dramatic effect. Two cankle jokes are made almost back-to-back, and there’s at least one audible fart (Audible Fart being the film’s working title). The players populate a universe where lukewarm banter of the first-date kind passes for baby-makin’ chemistry and a slightly disheveled Elizabeth Banks is a frumpy, disgusting cow.

I’m always in the market for a pleasant surprise. He’s Just Not That Into You is a personal favorite when it comes to flicks of this type, and I’ve never missed a JLo rom-com. So while I didn’t exactly come in with high hopes, my mind was open as I entered the theater, and my funny bone fully exposed. Sadly, this particular feature is so desperately devoid of anything resembling a sense of humor that it’s more embarrassing than anything else, and I think I must have laughed one and a half times at most. This is because each attempt at a joke is really a lame setup without a punchline (or a lame punchline without context). There are literally moments where the camera lingers optimistically on a close-up in anticipation of the second half of a line, only to slink away in defeat when a raised eyebrow or blank stare is offered instead.

Films like these, where the audience is one step ahead for the duration, sometimes call for diversionary games. When silently marking the passage of time gets old, I like to picture the pitiful dialog as it was written on the page, just black ink on white paper with no gimmicks or mitigators. Then I like to imagine the casted thespians reading this dialog for the first time (minutes before Take One on Day One of shooting), cursing themselves for neglecting to check the script before signing on to the project. I’m sure the obscene paycheck and lifetime supply of California Pizza Kitchen do much to soothe the pain, but I’m convinced this charade couldn’t have been remotely enjoyable for anyone involved. Please save yourself the time and trouble, like I genuinely wish I’d been able to. Run, walk or waddle from any screen on which this dreck is projected.

Images courtesy of Lionsgate.

Fans of the Kingdom Hearts series may have more to look forward to with July’s release of Kingdom Hearts 3D: Dream Drop Distance, as Square Enix has announced the collector’s Mark of Mastery Edition. Set at $54.99, the Mark of Mastery Edition includes “a copy of Kingdom Hearts 3D [Dream Drop Distance], a branded clear hard case skin cover and 12 art cards” all concealed within a Kingdom Hearts branded magnetic box.

Those that preorder either edition of the game will receive a set of three augmented reality (AR) cards that will allow players to unlock rare Dream Eaters and a 360° viewing stand to take a closer look at their Dream Eaters. “One wild AR card will randomly unlock one of the three rare Dream Eaters: Ursa Circus, Sudo Neku or Meowjesty. The second AR card unlocks R&R Seal Dream Eater, and the last AR card unlocks the 360° viewing stand.”

Kingdom Hearts 3D: Dream Drop Distance is set to release on July 31, 2012.

Beyond the Wall, Ygritte brings a bound Jon Snow before the Lord of Bones. He already has a Night’s Watch prisoner, Quorin, and doesn’t want another, no matter what he knows, so he orders Snow executed. Ygritte interjects, saying Snow could’ve killed her, but didn’t. No one really seems to care, so she goes on to reveal Snow is Ned Stark’s bastard son.

Quorin thinks he and Snow need to use this opportunity to gather intel on Mance’s plan to march the wildlings on the Wall. Quorin stages a fight with Snow and kicks him down a hillside. Elsewhere, Sam and two other brothers are digging in the snow. They talk about whether Snow and Quorin might be alive, digging until they hit a stone. Sam recognizes the markings from the first men, and from under it, they remove a Night’s Watch cloak and a spear made of obsidian.

At Robb’s camp, he discusses his arranged marriage to Lord Frey’s daughter with Talisa. They talk about Ned, and Robb says how much he loved his father and how much the people of Winterfell loved him too. A rider interrupts them with news that Jaime Lannister has escaped.

Robb rides to confront Catelyn, who admits she let Jaime go in hopes Brienne would be able to trade him for Arya and Sansa. Robb thinks it was foolish and that Jaime took advantage of her while she was in an emotional state. He orders Catelyn guarded and more men sent to hunt the Kingslayer. On the road, Jaime tries to convince Brienne to undo his chains, but she refuses. Brienne then loads him into a boat and climbs in after, setting off on the water.

Later, Robb is preparing a team to reclaim Winterfell. He gives the order that any iron men who surrender are free to return to their homeland, except Theon Greyjoy. Talisa drops in to see how he’s managing and he runs through a list of issues with her, then apologizes for unloading it all so quickly. She tells him how she came to be a nurse, rather than the noblewoman she was raised to be. When she was younger, a slave saved her drowning brother’s life, at great risk to himself, and she vowed she’d never live in a slave city again.

Robb’s a little bit entranced and tells Talisa he doesn’t want to marry Frey’s daughter. Talisa admits she doesn’t want him to either, but knows he needs the bridge the alliance will bring. She hopes it’s a beautiful bridge for him. Robb kisses her and they start tearing each other’s clothes off and going at it on the floor of the tent.

In Qarth, Daenerys learns from Jorah that there’s a boat willing to sail with them to Westeros tonight, but she doesn’t want to abandon her dragons. Dany wants to go to the House of the Undying and reclaim them, but Jorah worries because that’s what the warlocks want too, so something greater must be at stake. Dany tells Jorah to trust her; after all, it was her magic that protected her in the flames that birthed the dragons.

At Harrenhal, Arya overhears some details about the war. Tywin knows Stannis is approaching King’s Landing, and that Robb is north while a faction of his forces move to reclaim Winterfell. Tywin announces plans to ride to King’s Landing and orders one of his men to hold Harrenhal, and to keep Arya with him. Arya frantically searches out Jaquen, having missed her chance to name Tywin as the final sacrifice to the red god. So, she names Jaquen himself, who takes it very seriously, and asks to be unnamed. She does so, in exchange for his assistance with getting her and her friends out of Harrenhal.

At midnight, Arya, Genry, and their larger friend are waiting for some sort of signal. All Jaquen had told Arya is to walk through the gate. As she does so, cautiously and alone, she sees that the guards have been killed and nailed to the wall. Her friends join her and they escape into the night.

At King’s Landing, Bronn and Tyrion are having a hard time trying to plan a defense for the kingdom. Bronn is also refusing to wear the ceremonial clothing requested of him, because it’s too bright and cumbersome in a fight. Varys joins them, but is of little help.

Later at dinner, Cersei reveals Joffrey’s decided to fight in the war, but Cersei is certain Tyrion’s had something to do with it. So, she announces she’s taken his whore. Visibly shaken, he tries to hide it as she describes beating the woman and how she’ll do so for every mark Joffrey receives in battle. She brings the whore in and, surprisingly, it’s not Shae. Tyrion apologizes to the woman, and Cersei smiles, still unaware she’s got the wrong girl. Tyrion races to see Shae and warns her they need to be more careful, and that sooner rather than later, he’s probably going to have to kill for her.

Later, Joffrey is prepping for battle and says he doesn’t take Stannis seriously as a threat, saying he’ll ride out sword in hand to meet his uncle in battle. Joffrey makes several other threats that Tyrion laughs off. After, Varys tells Tyrion he’s received word Daenerys is still alive in Qarth and has three dragons, but it will be years before they are fully grown.

At sea, Stannis Baratheon’s fleet is only a day away from King’s Landing and his battle for the throne. He’s a little bit irked that after he held down Storm’s End in the last war Robert gave it to Renly, who hadn’t even fought. He also tells Davos he wants him to serve as his hand when he’s on the Iron Throne.

In Winterfell, Theon Greyjoy receives a visit from his sister Yara, who chastises him for killing the Stark children and losing the support of the people of the north forever. Theon claims without doing so, the people would never have respected his authority. Yara also reveals she’s not here to defend Winterfell, but to take Theon home for safekeeping, because Robb will be on his way for revenge. Theon says he’s killed the ravens and caged the horses so that Robb won’t find out, but Yara, in a short and tender moment, asks him to come for his safety. He refuses, wanting to defend his conquered land.

Later, the Maester sees Osha walking in the shadows of town, sneaking off with some bread. We follow her down into a cave in the dark as she describes the path she took, including walking in the water to throw off the scent for the wolves. There, she reveals what was really no surprise to anyone watching, that the bodies are actually the sons of a nearby farmer, with Bran and Rickon very much alive in the cave with them.

Season 2, Episode 8: “The Prince of Winterfell” (originally aired May 20, 2012)

Game of Thrones airs Sunday night at 9 p.m. on HBO.

For more on Game of Thrones, click here.

Images courtesy of Paul Schiraldi and Helen Sloan for HBO and IMDbPro

Digital Estate Planning/The First Chang Dynasty/Introduction To Finality

Description: Students will gain the experience of putting smart but low rated television shows on indefinite hiatus so, when the show triumphantly returns to the airwaves, its final three episodes of the season can be lumped together  and aired back-to-back for the express purpose of making life difficult for online journos. 3 Units.

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Digital Estate Planning

With no academic obligations at the moment, the study group finds themselves with lots of time to kill, which they use this week by joining Pierce (Chevy Chase) at Hawthorne Industries where they are met by Gilbert, his father’s right hand man. Gilbert called for Pierce and seven of his closest friends to join in a special event. They meet in a room that has a series of small cubicles with computers inside of them. “This looks like a multiplayer gaming interface.” Abed (Danny Pudi) says, to which Troy (Donald Glover) immediately replies, “I’ve heard enough,” and makes a beeline for one of the consoles.

Abed is right. In his unique and ridiculous insanity, Pierce’s dad has put together a video game experience that seven people can play and vie for what should rightfully be Pierce’s inheritance. The group, for the most part want nothing to do with such an insane idea, but Jeff (Joel McHale) sees the humor in it: “So a 100 year old man created a 30 year old video game? This I gotta see.”

That game is “Journey to the Center of Hawthorne”, an 8-bit side scroller that instantly becomes the visual style for the duration of the episode and also becomes one of the most unique moments in recent television. 8-Bit sprites of the study group fill the Greendale library and all of them get their bearings except for Pierce, who continues to walk into a wall. “Press the right arrow button, Pierce!” Annie (Alison Brie) says, frustrated, at which point Pierce figures out the elementary navigation controls. “How was I supposed to know?” He asks. Outside the library, the group is accosted by enemies that can only be called “Sex Hippies” since when they attack they scream, “Sex! Sex!” This is merely the tip of the racist iceberg that Hawthorne has put together for the group.

Gilbert appears and immediately kills everyone, forcing them to respawn at the library. Gilbert’s stake in all of this is that he is actually Pierce’s half brother, which he reveals to him right then and there. His intent is to kill everyone and claim the inheritance for himself. Seeing the competition, Pierce literally digs himself into a hole, waiting for death to come, but Britta digs him out and reassures him that they will band together to stop Gilbert…then she kills him. “I guess there’s no hug button,” she says woefully.

The group stop at a town where they wreck havoc unintentionally. Annie accidentally kills the town blacksmith, Britta creates a magic potion, and Troy and Pierce lose a game of poker and end up totally naked. Gilbert again comes on the offensive, calling down lightning to kill the group. “He’s shooting lighting and I’m naked!” Troy exclaims. Britta kills Gilbert with her potion and he decides to up the ante and make things much more difficult by accessing the debug portion of the game. Meanwhile, the gang makes great progress, passing through the Valley of Laziness, and into The Gay Island (“You did great in there, Jeff,” Pierce jokes). They finally make their way to the final level and are literally attacked by Jive Turkeys (turkeys with giant afros). Gilbert ultimately beats everyone through his glorious use of cheat codes but before receiving the inheritance an AI version of Hawthrone asks him to sign a legal contract which forces him to never reveal that Hawthorne was his father. He can’t do it and loses his chance. However, the study group rallies and attacks the Hawthorne AI with all manner of robot dinosaurs thousands of little baby Abeds and a giant atom bomb. When the dust settles, the money goes to Gilbert, “because you put up with all his crap and you can’t even take his name,” as Pierce succinctly sums up. With money no longer hanging over Pierce’s head, it seems he can finally wash his hands of his father once and for all.

The First Chang Dynasty

In the wake of the Starburns, uh, Wake Riot, Greendale has continued to function under Chang’s rule despite that fact that he has turned it into a socialist, military state. The study group reviews a new Greendale promo video and freeze frame’s a wide shot of the fake Dean, showing it to a police officer who just doesn’t believe them. It’s up to the Greendale Seven to now stop Chang, who sits on a throne in a glorious uniform weighed down by fake medals and pins. Troy uses his resources at the Air Conditioning school to find out that the Dean is being held captive in the school’s basement where he has made a stick figure version of Jeff to keep him company. The basement requires a keypad code to get in and even after that, there’s another locked door between the Dean and freedom, the key for which Chang keeps around his neck. To save the Dean they need a way inside, but don’t want to risk arrest, particularly Jeff, “Do you know how someone as sarcastic as me would last in prison,” he asks, “Suuuch a long time.” Troy finds one option; he must enroll in air conditioning repair school where he must move to and never see his friends again. This is not seen as an option by the group at all and they elect to instead stage an elaborate heist.

The heist goes down at Chang’s birthday celebration. Chang is dressed as Napoleon for the festivities but he keeps a careful eye out for the Greendale Seven.  Not careful enough, however, as Shirley slips in disguised as a bearded chef with birthday cake in tow. Annie hides underneath the cake cart and slips out in the kitchen. Troy and Abed come in disguised as plumbers after Shirley stuffs an entire chicken into one of the bathrooms and smash through the bathroom wall, giving them access to Chang’s office where they nab a copy of the door code. Britta and Jeff come in dressed as Rikki Nightshade, a cheap (but totally accurate) Criss Angel ripoff.

Chang is strapped to a spinning wheel as part of a fake magic trick and the momentum of the wheel tosses coins and other junk out of his pockets, along with the basement key. Britta takes it and slips away as Jeff continues his spot-on magician impression. Suddenly, Pierce barges in dressed as a Swami, but it is obvious to everyone that something is up. Chang recognizes him immediately and Pierce doesn’t help when in trying to escape he exclaims, “Jeff, we’ve been made!” Fortunately, this was all part of the plan- to simply make it look like the plan failed when in fact, it created just enough of a diversion to free the real Dean and get away from campus…almost.

Chang finds them as they are escaping and his gaggle of pre-teens escort the group down to the basement. Here, Chang reveals his plan: to set off a ton of fireworks in the records room and burn all recorded evidence of his shenanigans, triggered by the last note played during a keytar solo. “Dean you’re crazy,” Troy seethes, “You’re still into keytar?” With absolutely no way out of the basement, Troy has only one option- to nods to security camera watching the basement, signaling the A/C School at the other end to turn off the large ventilation fan so they can make their escape. Chang starts his solo as the group make their way back to the surface. “Chang’s already begun his solo,” Jeff warns, “That only gives us nine minutes to get to the records room!” They make their way there and cut the fuse to the fireworks in the nick of time. Chang is about to engage Jeff in a taser duel but School District Administrators walk in just before the battle. The group explains that the dean was switched, even though it sounds crazy, but the admins are surprisingly supportive. “We realized it when we caught these two slap fighting outside,” one of them says as Dean Pelton and his Doppledeaner walk into the records room slapfighting. Chang is stopped and all seems to go back to normal until the A/C School comes for Troy, who has to leave his friends for his preordained destiny.

Introduction to Finality

The study group finds themselves once again studying for their Biology final. Because of Troy’s sacrifice to save the Dean, he is now in Air Conditioning school and his missing presence is not lost on the group. Of course, Dean Pelton shows up to break the monotony, “Did someone say sexy construction worker,” he asks rhetorically, “I’m building to big news!” That big news is Shirley finally getting her sandwich shop after Subway removed itself from Greendale. There is a catch, of course; only one person can sign the contract, designating them sole owner. This causes another rift between Shirley and Pierce, the one who ponied up the money for her little endeavor.

Meanwhile, with Troy separated from Abed, it is enough to spur the appearance of Evil Abed, the devil that rests on the real Abed’s shoulder but unfortunately no angel resides on the other one. Evil Abed is trying to convince Abed to not to take part in any psych sessions with Britta, which they have made time to do. “You’re going to get diagnosed by a person who said her favorite comic character was X-Man?” Evil Abed asks. Instead, Britta shows up to see a felt beard-wearing Abed, assuming the role of Evil Abed. He is in this world to cause this real timeline to become the darkest timeline and he does so to start by turning the tables on Britta. With the timeline now 10% darker, he makes his next move: sawing off Jeff’s arm, as he is in the darkest timeline.

Troy is not having any fun at all at Air Conditioning school when Vice Dean Laybourne calls him into a hidden A/C museum. There is a prophecy that the school believes in called “The truest repairman”. “The true repair man will repair man,” Laybourne dreams, “It is your destiny.” Later, Laybourne dies while repairing a broken unit where a new Dean will be named, one that is much less deserving of the random title than Laybourne or even Troy.

Meanwhile, Jeff is representing Shirley in a half-ass court trial that takes place on campus, with Pelton of course as the judge. Representing Pierce is Jeff’s nemesis Alan (Rob Corddry) who only pretends to be Jeff’s old firm friend. After Alan slams Shirley’s character, Jeff calls Pierce to the stand and asks him one simple question, “Does anyone know any funny jokes?” Immediately, Pierce begins telling racial jokes and within minutes, the whole court is against him. Outside the “courtroom”, Evil Abed makes a move towards Jeff smiling devilishly, “Cruel. Cruel, Cruel, Cruel.”

At the Air Conditioning School, Troy storms into the coronation ceremony for the new Vice dean. “I have the right to challenge him in the sun chamber!” He exclaims, pointing to a pair of chambers which gradually gets hotter and hotter while two competitors must try to repair respective air conditioners or risk heatstroke and (gasp!) death. The bout starts and Troy appears to be doing nothing in the sun chamber while his competitor scrambles to fix his unit. With barely the flick of one switch, Troy’s unit is on full blast while the heat in his competitor’s skyrockets. Rather than let him die, Troy reaches in through a hole in the chamber and fixes the second unit and the staff proclaims him new Vice Dean. Troy dismisses the promotion, motioning to his competitor, “He killed someone. Take him to the police! You guys are weird…”

Back at the courtroom, Alan threatens that he won’t let Jeff back into the old firm if he doesn’t throw this fake case because he is the big dog now. Evil Abed enters the courtroom to cut off Jeff’s arm, but walks in in the middle of a rousing closing speech, “I want you to have what you want,” he offers, “I have no closing statement because I’m throwing the case. Shirley said what I want is more important. She’s right, right? Helping only ourselves is bad and helping each other is good.” The speech wins over the entire courtroom, even Pierce, who decides that Shirley should be the sole owner of the shop. In the closing moments of the show, The Dreamatorium comes down, Jeff starts a web search for his dad, and Shirley’s shop opens while Chang looms over City College.

In truth, had this been the series finale of Community, it would have been a nice little end to a great show. The themes of this group of friends banding together to beat the odds is the central theme around the entire show and calling back on it wraps a bow around the entire series. However, we can look forward to another thirteen (and hopefully more) episodes of Community next year when the series returns for a triumphant fourth year. Here’s hoping that a ship can sail without its captain.

Season 3, Episodes 20, 21, and 22: “Digital Estate Planning,” “The First Chang Dynasty,” and  ”Introduction to Finality” (original airdate May 17, 2012.) 

Images courtesy of NBC Universal.

Wow…just wow.  Grey’s Anatomy has once again managed to shock with its season finale.    When we last saw our surgeons, they were headed to Idaho to assist in the surgical separation of conjoined twins.  When their plane goes down, I have to think that this is the most emotionally cursed group of people I’ve ever seen. You’d think that surviving a workplace shooting would be enough for a lifetime, but no.  More tragedy awaits the docs of Seattle Grace. 

Their small plane crashes and the episode focuses on their fight for survival in its aftermath.  The scene was jarring, both gruesome and wrought with panic and fear.  We realize that everyone has survived, at least momentarily from what can be scene of the immediate wreckage.  Meredith has a large bloody gash on the back of her head, and Cristina’s shoulder is hanging from its socket.  Mark appears bloody and bruised, but has no other ostensible injuries.  Arizona (Jessica Capshaw) is screaming bloody murder, and I thought perhaps she was impaled on a piece of the plane.  Instead, her leg is completely broken, bone protruding through leg. 

I appreciate the realism and authenticity that Grey’s is known for, but this episode was almost too much.  It was extremely gory and difficult to watch, initially because of the grisly wounds but later because of the heavy and emotional things that transpired.  Lexie (Chyler Leigh) has the most serous injuries, as she’s buried underneath some of the wreckage.  Mark is by her side and tries to comfort and reassure her, telling her that he and Cristina will help her. Cristina’s face tells it all, and things look grim for Lexie.

Meanwhile, Meredith wants to search for Derek, who is nowhere to be found.  Fearing the worst for Lexie, Cristina tells Meredith that she should check on her.  It’s too late.  Lexie knew she was dying, and told Mark that she loved him and to tell Meredith that she was a good sister.  This was tough scene to watch, as Lexie has been part of the show for a very long time.  While other characters seemed to be more emotionally flawed, Lexie was always a sweet, caring character that was easy to love.  Meredith’s relationship with her has blossomed over the years to one of love, despite not having been raised together.  I was shocked that she died.  It was extremely emotional and sad to watch Meredith learn that her little sister was dead, and I thought Ellen Pompeo gave one of her better performances.  Her character has been through a lot and shed countless tears, but each pain is unique.  From George to Dr. Percy, we’ve lost characters before, but this one really stings.  I must’ve gone through at least three tissues.

Eventually Derek (Patrick Dempsey) finds Meredith and Cristina after cutting his arm out of the wreckage through which it was plunged.  Meredith and Cristina stitch him up with a safety pin and I thought I’d hurl.  This was really a gruesome episode.  Then, just when you think things can’t get any worse, just when you think Shonda Rhimes has already met the death quota for the episode – Mark takes a turn for the worse. 

Meredith performs emergency surgery and drains some of the blood from his chest, relieving the pressure and saving his life, for now.  In an interesting juxtaposition, the same procedure was being performed at the same time back at Seattle Grace by Teddy Altman (Kim Raver,) in a much more sterile environment.  We see just how adept these surgeons are, and we know they’re resilient.  They will need to rely on their strength and collective wits, because they may be stranded for several days.  Mark is in the direst predicament, but they all need medical attention as soon as possible.  Will they survive? And if they do, can we expect a change of heart about leaving Seattle Grace?

I thought it was a very good episode, but it was a little over the top on the shock and awe scale.  I hope that the conclusion of each season isn’t an opportunity to throw another life-altering tragedy at us.  Oh well, I was riveted if nothing else, and the anticipation should be high for season 9.  See you next year!

Season 8, Episode 24: “Flight” (original air date May 17, 2012).

Images courtesy of Danny Feld and ABC.

From last week’s episode, we saw Dick trapped Crowley in a devil’s snare and then offered him drinks and a fair deal. The demons would get all of Canada but the U.S. was off limits, because let’s face it, it is their tier 1 market. I wonder why Europe and Asia wasn’t factored into this equation yet?

In any case, all Crowley had to do was give the Winchesters the blood of some common demon from New Jersey and pretend that it was his. Crowley takes the deal and goes into an extremely extensive contract negotiation with Dick. It turns out Crowley, former crossroads demon, is just as well versed in lawyer-y speak as Dick, the ultimate businessman.

Once that deal is struck, Dick is able to put the second phase of his plan into action. He has other Leviathans absorb some Dick Roman DNA so that doppelgängers of himself are roaming around SucroCorp, confusing the Winchesters, who are on their way to kill him. Dick’s top Leviathan executives also come in so that they can have a big meeting on how they are partitioning of the country into harvesting, breeding, etc.

In another stroke of Dick genius, we meet Polly, who is incredibly stoned from the Leviathan food she’s been ingesting. Earlier we see her being locked into one of the conference rooms where Kevin is also being held. He tries to get through to her, but she’s obviously too doped up to respond. When Polly is brought into the Leviathan boardroom, Dick injects her with a new drug they’ve created that immediately poisons and kills her. He informs the group this substance is being shipped out in non-dairy creamers to target those Americans who are essentially too health conscious for their own good. Leviathans like their Americans fat but cancer-free.

The Winchesters have their hands full dealing with Bobby and Cas. Cas and Meg come back to the cabin after Cas appeared at some hidden location where Meg was hiding out. He keeps insisting he cannot get directly involved in the fight because he’s afraid that he’s going to destroy everything the way he did the last time. Dean loses his cool and tells Cas that this is his mess and that he needs to clean it up. While the angel is still off his rocker, we do see that he recognizes something must be done about the Leviathans after his entire former garrison was killed by them. He tries to help by making the brothers an organic sandwich, to keep their strength up. While that is adorable, it isn’t really helping.

Sam (Jared Padalecki) and Dean get their hands on the bone of a super good nun that they are planning to use to kill Dick, and all they need is Crowley’s blood. They summon him but he’s unable to appear right away because he is still negotiating with Dick and stuck in another devil’s trap. When he finally appears, he sees Meg and Cas there with the Winchesters. His feathers are all ruffled and he’s promising extreme torture for Meg. He tells them Dick did offer him a fair deal but he’s giving the boys the real deal, it’s his blood. While there is no way that they can confirm for sure, they’ll just have to take the chance that Crowley wants Dick gone more than he wants them screwed over.

Sam and Dean’s first attempt at getting into SucroCorp is delayed when they notice the maid from the motel they had stayed at in last week’s episode. Sam puts together that Bobby has possessed her and tries to stop him from getting the poor woman killed. Bobby is nearly in full on vengeful spirit mode and nearly kills Sam but stops himself at the last second, releasing his hold on the woman. He appears before Sam and Dean at the cabin and admits he’s losing it.

Bobby is able to give a proper farewell. He tells the boys he’ll see him on the other side, but hopefully not too soon, and when it’s their time they shouldn’t make his mistake. Dean puts the flask on the fire and as it melts, Bobby burns and disappears. You don’t see that part on camera, which is just as well because it’s way too sad.

Cas is still reluctant to join in the fight, despite Crowley making it very clear that Cas is essential. He transports Dean to the Impala, where Dean tells the angel that if Dick is expecting them, well, then they are coming at him loud and proud. Cue the Impala smashing through SucroCorp to Born To Be Wild. Except Meg is driving and the brothers plus Cas are sneaking inside. Cas is able to spot the real Dick Roman from his doppelgängers.

At the lab, Dick samples the deadly non-dairy creamers when Cas and Dean arrive. Dean stabs him with what we think is the bone of Sister Mary, but Dick pulls it out. We all think Crowley double-crossed the Winchesters and Dick has won when Dean pulls out the real bone and jabs it into Dick’s neck. This time it’s the real deal and Dick emits a sound wave vibration like he’s going to explode. Except he has the creepiest grin on his face the entire time.

Sam arrives with Kevin just in time to see his unfold and Dick explode into Leviathan black goo. When everything clears, Dick, Dean and Cas are completely gone. Crowley appears and informs Sam that with Dick gone, it’ll be much easier for him to get rid of the other Leviathans because they’ll be in disarray. Meantime he will be taking the prophet. The demon tells Sam that this time he’s really on his own and pretty much says good luck with that before disappearing.

The season finale ends with Dean waking up in a very dark, creepy looking forest. Cas ominously asks “where would Dick go if he died?”

Back to purgatory, where they have both been blasted to previously as well.

Well damn I did not see that coming. That must have been why Dick was grinning because now he’s going to Hunger Games their asses. While Cas seems to be able to teleport his way around still, Dean is pretty much screwed because the angel disappears with a whole bunch of crazy looking monsters circling the hunter.

Ok now I’m intrigued again, because how the heck is Dean going to get out of there with a defective angel and Dick hunting him down? I don’t think you can really kill monsters in purgatory, they would probably just respawn. I hope they actually show Dean adventuring in purgatory because we have never seen a Winchester out of the mortal plane. When both Dean and Sam were in hell, we got flashes of it but never really saw what happened to them there on a daily basis. I, for one, am curious how a Winchester survives a different dimension.

It will also be interesting to see how Sam copes, now that he has to deal with Leviathans and demons by his lonesome and Meg is back in hell being tortured by Crowley. I’d like to see him really organize what’s left of the hunters to get rid of the rest of the Leviathans, then figure out how to help his brother and Cas return from purgatory. He will inevitably have to deal with Crowley again, as he’s probably the only one who knows how to do that.

See, that’s what makes an evil villain great. He has all his bases covered and isn’t just going to kill his adversary. No, he manages to get them to do the dirty work, screw them over, and makes it so that he has something to hold over the good guys. Crowley certainly didn’t get to be King of Hell on his good looks alone.

This hasn’t been the most exciting season of Supernatural, but we did see the relationship between Sam and Dean grow and it has given Crowley center stage to be our main bad guy in the end. Cas is still somewhat in the game and now the brothers will have to survive without each other for a little while at least.

See everyone back here for season eight!

Season 7, Episode 23: Survival of the Fittest (originally aired May 18, 2012)

Supernatural airs Friday nights at 8/7c on The CW

Images courtesy of Jack Rowand and The CW.

Aladeen is born into wealth and luxury, not to mention a full beard straight out of the womb. From this, he begins to seize control of Wadiya with the help of his faithful advisor Tamir (Ben Kingsley) and soon Aladeen begins to rule with an iron fist. His first order of business is to create a nuclear arms program, which succeeds in constructing the world’s tiniest nuclear warhead. A second attempt from Wadiya’s chief scientist Nadal (Jason Manzoukas) yields a much bigger missile, but one that has a rounded tip rather than a pointy one. Dissatisfied with the design, he orders Nadal executed along with a gaggle of other scientists. When the world hears that the country is developing a nuclear arms program, they call Aladeen to the United Nations where he will explain his actions.

Aladeen and Tamir are greeted with good old fashioned American hospitality from a Government Agent (John C. Reilly) who is every bit as racist as Aladeen. “Pretty much anybody not from the U.S., I consider an A-Rab,” he says with a thick southern accent. Later that night, Aladeen is kidnapped by the Agent who looks forward to torturing the self-proclaimed Maddog of Wadiya, but Aladeen is not frightened by the Agent’s “outdated” torture methods. He finally cuts off Aladeen’s beard and sets it ablaze with the “Fallujah Firehose”. Aladeen escapes and tries to get into the UN, but finds out that he has been replaced by an imposter, whose goal is to create a new constitution for Wadiya that turns it into a democracy.

What follows is essentially a Fish Out of Water story that works to hilarious effect after Aladeen is rescued by green hippie Zoey (Anna Faris). He calls himself “Alison Burgers” after passing by a few street signs, a joke that gets called back many times to great effect (one of these names is “Emer Gencyexitonly”). Zoey works at a all-natural market called Green Earth and Aladeen now must put aside his scathing and very funny racist tendencies in order to blend into the workspace there while he forms a plan to reclaim his identity with the help of Nadal, the man he thought he executed, but whom he finds alive and well working in an Apple store. As he falls for Zoey, he begins working at Green Earth slowly turns the bumbling market into a mini-dictatorship, even going so far as to having the workers address him as “Supreme Grocer”. Whatever the method used, its working and the market is flourishing along with his relationship with Zoey.

Cohen’s last few feature film outings have been focused with laser-like precision on satirical humor meant to deconstruct stereotypes and stigmas of a particular group of people. Fundamentally, that theme is present in The Dictator, but it is presented in a different way. Rather than use the character as a catalyst for the satire, Cohen here turns Aladeen, who is a villain and mass murderer, into a complete and total buffoon. There is a scene early on in the film where Aladeen explains how his knowledge of missiles and explosions comes specifically from cartoons is an encapsulation of this characterization. The comedy is also generally broader in The Dictator, which works to great effect. One scene in which Aladeen helps give birth to a baby while falling in love with Zoey at the same time does not need to rely on race or political satire to be funny. It just is because Aladeen is totally ridiculous. Equally hysterical is a sequence in which Zoey explains to Aladeen the secrets of pleasuring oneself in which the audience is treated to stock footage of eagles soaring and basketball players slam dunking as he tugs one out. It also helps that every character in the movie stresses to Aladeen what a total moron he is even though he doesn’t seem to notice.

Director Larry David reteams with Cohen for a third outing and his able comedic hand can be felt over most of the proceedings. Cohen is also obviously essential here as well, finding a way to lend a bit of pathos to a character who is fundamentally despicable. The film’s music also needs a very special shout out, which provides Arabic cover versions of songs “Everybody Hurts”, “9 to 5”, and “Let’s Get It On” amongst others and seem to make the scenes they are in twice as funny as they should be. The film’s structure and general story owes a great deal to Chaplin’s The Great Dictator, a film that found that timeless comedian sending up the great menace of that time, Adolf Hitler. With all the identity swapping and clever name-plays, it’s hard to not feel that film’s large presence hanging over The Dictator, but that’s really ok, because it all works quite well.

The Dictator is an offensive, loaded, and completely hilarious film, which marks Sacha Baron Cohen’s return to narrative feature films since the very blah Ali G Indahouse. The Dictator is a vast improvement from that film and it seems that Cohen and David have found what components from the faux-documentary style of Borat and Bruno work naturally in a narrative feature. It’s a good start for what will hopefully continue Cohen’s style of smart, in-your-face, and blazingly funny social satire.

Images courtesy of Paramount Pictures.

Looking to change up their schedule to optimize the ratings on their shows, The CW has created a schedule that works better than most would have anticipated. The changes which effect nearly every show but The Vampire Diaries, brings a massive shift to the network as it prepares to bring a new set of shows to primetime. Joining the network for the 2012-2013 season will be Arrow, Emily Owens M.D., Beauty and the Beast, The Carrie Diaries, and Cult. 

The network has also decided to hold off the season/series premieres till October so the lineups will be able to run through October without long breaks in between.

90210 will move to a new night and time at 8 on Monday nights, pushing the final season of Gossip Girl to the 9 PM slot. CW executives haven’t confirmed the number of episodes in the final season of Gossip Girl, but rumors currently speculate that Season 5 will see either 11 or 13 episodes.

Hart of Dixie moves to Tuesday night, creating a lead in for the freshman medical drama Emily Owens, M.D. The CW execs have dubbed the two hour block Doctor, Doctor. Wednesdays will be home for the highly anticipated superhero drama Arrow, which will be followed by Supernatural, a change from its previous Friday night spot. The Vampire Diaries stays put on Thursday nights at 8, but Beauty and the Beast starring Smallville alum Kristen Kreuk will replace The Secret Circle’s old spot. Finally, Friday nights will play a brand new home to America’s Next Top Model followed by Nikita at a brand new time.

Cult and The Carrie Diaries are being held till midseason.

After a violent shipwreck, billionaire playboy Oliver Queen was missing and presumed dead for five years before being discovered alive on a remote island in the Pacific.  When he returns home to Starling City, his devoted mother Moira, much-beloved sister Thea, and best friend Tommy welcome him home, but they sense Oliver has been changed by his ordeal on the island.  While Oliver hides the truth about the man he’s become, he desperately wants to make amends for the actions he took as the boy he was.  Most particularly, he seeks reconciliation with his former girlfriend, Laurel Lance.  As Oliver reconnects with those closest to him, he secretly creates the persona of Arrow – a vigilante – to right the wrongs of his family, fight the ills of society, and restore Starling City to its former glory.  By day, Oliver plays the role of a wealthy, carefree and careless philanderer he used to be – flanked by his devoted chauffeur/bodyguard, John Diggle – while carefully concealing the secret identity he turns to under cover of darkness.  However, Laurel’s father, Detective Quentin Lance, is determined to arrest the vigilante operating in his city.  Meanwhile, Oliver’s own mother, Moira, knows much more about the deadly shipwreck than she has let on – and is more ruthless than he could ever imagine.  The series stars Stephen Amell as Oliver Queen, Colin Donnell as Tommy, Katie Cassidy as Laurel Lance, David Ramsey as John Diggle, Willa Holland as Thea Queen, with Susanna Thompson as Moira Queen and Paul Blackthorne as Detective Quentin Lance.

At long last, Emily Owens feels like she is an actual grown-up.  She can finally put her high school days as the geeky-girl-with-flop-sweats behind her; she’s graduated from medical school and is now a first-year intern at Denver Memorial Hospital, where she’ll have the chance to work with world-famous cardiologist Dr. Gina Beckett – and where, not-so-coincidentally, her med-school crush Will Rider is also an intern.  So why does everyone keep warning her that the hospital is just like high school?  Emily soon finds out the hard way – her high school nemesis, the gorgeous, popular Cassandra Kopelson, is also just starting out at Denver Memorial, and it seems like they’re rivals all over again – not only as surgical interns, but for Will’s attention.  Fellow intern Tyra Granger warns Emily that the cliques at Denver Memorial are all too familiar: the jocks have become orthopedic surgeons; the mean girls are in plastics; the rebels are in the ER, and Tyra has her own awkward place as the principal’s kid – her father is the chief resident.  Emily’s the new kid all over again, and it’s just as awkward as high school.  Only this time around, Emily will have to balance the personal and emotional turmoil of social politics with the high-stakes world of life-and-death medical decisions.   At least she has fellow intern Tyra and nerdy-but-cute resident Micah, to count on as friends.  Emily is growing to realize that although she may be a geek, she may also grow to be a great doctor, flop sweats and all.  The series stars Mamie Gummer as Emily, Justin Hartley as Will, Michael Rady as Micah, Aja Naomi King as Cassandra, Kelly McCreary as Tyra and Necar Zadegan as Gina.

Detective Catherine Chandler is a smart, no-nonsense homicide detective.  Several years earlier, Catherine witnessed the murder of her mother at the hands of two gunmen.  Catherine would have been killed too, but someone – or something – saved her.  No one has ever believed her, but she knows it wasn’t an animal that attacked the assassins…it was human.  Years have passed, and Catherine is a strong, confident, capable police officer, working alongside her equally talented partner, Tess.  While investigating a murder, Catherine discovers a clue that leads her to a handsome doctor named Vincent Keller, who was reportedly killed by enemy fire while serving in Afghanistan in 2002.  Catherine learns that Vincent is actually still alive and that it was he who saved her many years before.  For mysterious reasons that have forced him to live outside of traditional society, Vincent has been in hiding for the past 10 years to guard his secret – when he is enraged, he becomes a terrifying beast, unable to control his super-strength and heightened senses.  Catherine agrees to protect his identity in return for any insight he may have into her mother’s murder.  Thus begins a complex relationship between Catherine and Vincent, who are powerfully drawn to each other yet understand that their connection is extremely dangerous for both of them.  The series stars Kristin Kreuk (“Smallville,” “Chuck”) as Catherine, Jay Ryan (“Terra Nova”) as Vincent, Max Brown (“The Tudors,” “MI-5”) as Evan, Nina Lisandrello (“Nurse Jackie”) as Tess, Nicole Gale Anderson (“Make It or Break It”) as Heather, Austin Basis (“Life Unexpected”) as J.T., and Brian White (“The Shield,” “The Cabin in the Woods”) as Joe.

Check out the schedule below.

MONDAY

8:00-9:00 PM 90210 (New Night)

9:00-10:00 PM GOSSIP GIRL (New Time) (THE CARRIE DIARIES premieres January, 2013)

TUESDAY

8:00-9:00 PM HART OF DIXIE (New Night)

9:00-10:00 PM EMILY OWENS, M.D. (New Series)

WEDNESDAY

8:00-9:00 PM ARROW (New Series)

9:00-10:00 PM SUPERNATURAL (New Night)

THURSDAY

8:00-9:00 PM THE VAMPIRE DIARIES

9:00-10:00 PM BEAUTY AND THE BEAST (New Series)

FRIDAY

8:00-9:00 PM AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL (New Night)

9:00-10:00 PM NIKITA (New Time)

Images courtesy of Editor Bilal Mian and Maliha Riaz.

Gallery

The CW Upfront carpet The CW Upfront carpet	The CW Upfront carpet The CW Upfront carpet	Editor Bilal Mian at The CW Upfront carpet Editor Bilal Mian at The CW Upfront carpet
Maliha Riaz at The CW Upfront carpet Maliha Riaz at The CW Upfront carpet	Aja Naomi King (Emily Owens, M.D.) Aja Naomi King (Emily Owens, M.D.)	Aja Naomi King Aja Naomi King
Aja Naomi King Aja Naomi King	Aja Naomi King Aja Naomi King
Rachel Bilson (Hart of Dixie) Rachel Bilson (Hart of Dixie)	Kelly McCreary (Emily Owens, M.D.) Kelly McCreary (Emily Owens, M.D.)	Kelly McCreary Kelly McCreary
Kelly McCreary Kelly McCreary	Shane West (Nikita) Shane West (Nikita)	Shane West Shane West
Jaime King (Hart of Dixie) Jaime King (Hart of Dixie)	Kristin Kreuk and Jay Ryan (Beauty and the Beast) Kristin Kreuk and Jay Ryan (Beauty and the Beast)	Kristin Kreuk and Jay Ryan Kristin Kreuk and Jay Ryan
Kristin Kreuk and Jay Ryan Kristin Kreuk and Jay Ryan	Kristin Kreuk and Jay Ryan Kristin Kreuk and Jay Ryan	Kristin Kreuk and Jay Ryan Kristin Kreuk and Jay Ryan
Ian Somerhalder (The Vampire Diaries) Ian Somerhalder (The Vampire Diaries)	Kat Graham (The Vampire Diaries) Kat Graham (The Vampire Diaries)	Kat Graham Kat Graham
Jessica Lucas and Matthew Davis (Cult) Jessica Lucas and Matthew Davis (Cult)	Jessica Lucas and Matthew Davis Jessica Lucas and Matthew Davis	Candice Accola (The Vampire Diaries) Candice Accola (The Vampire Diaries)
Candice Accola Candice Accola	Jessica Lucas and Matthew Davis Jessica Lucas and Matthew Davis	Matthew Davis Matthew Davis

It’s an interesting top three this year as each singer has such an individually unique style so, it truly has become a matter of comparing apples to oranges. Idol upped the ante again this week with three rounds of singing and each song was chosen by a different method each time around. The first round songs were chosen by the Idol judges, the second round by the contestants, and the third round by Jimmy Iovine.

Joshua kicked the first night off with an Etta James number, picked personally for him by the judges who felt it would reflect his classic R&B sound. And as if anyone would be surprised, he earned himself yet another standing ovation from the panel. Before his second round song choice of John Lennon’s “Imagine”, the viewers were treated to a mash up of Josh’s homecoming footage from Louisiana that included shaking hands, kissing babies, and, of course, a good ol’ southern crawfish boil. After naturally acing his second round tune it was on to Jimmy’s personal pick. Mary J. Blige’s “No More Drama” was the perfect fit for Josh who took it to a mega-drama level in the best way possible. The judges loved his perfect interweaving between poised control and completely losing it at the appropriate moments on stage.

Jessica was given the chance to showcase what she does best and that’s her extraordinary power ballad skills. The judges picked Mariah Carey’s “My All” for the first round hoping for “that tender moment” and that’s just what they got. When Randy Jackson, who has worked with Mariah personally in the past, tells you that your rendition of the major pop star’s  song was one of the best ever performed on television, it’s no doubt one of the biggest compliments you could ever receive in life. Before her second round performance, Idol took us to Jessica’s hometown of sunny San Diego where hoards of supporters were anxiously waiting to scream and cry for her in person. Doing a live performance on the USS Midway ship, the very venue that catapulted Jessica on her journey during the audition process, had to have been a huge honor and a proud moment for her whole family. Taking a huge, risky leap with her second round song choice, Jessica decided taking on Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing” was what she needed to do to achieve that “wow factor” that the judges harp on week after week. Steven Tyler, who allegedly tends to be none too impressed with covers of his own band’s songs, found her rendition to be a positive contribution, mentioning that she made a great song even better. Her third round song hand-picked by Jimmy, Jackson 5’s “I’ll Be There”, was a direct attempt at drawing in the older Idol audiences while still displaying that young and edgy appeal, much like Michael Jackson did in his earliest days. However, it didn’t come off as brilliantly as Jimmy had hoped since the judges found it to be a “good but not great” performance but, honestly, it’s still a good day in Jessica World because we all know she can sing her face off. It’s just the judges’ jobs to be super nit-picky at this point and I get it.

So, there was only one contestant left to go and that, of course, was Phillip Phillips. The judges wanted to see what he could do with a more upbeat melody so, Madcon’s “Beggin’” it was. Randy and Jennifer loved it and Steven went as far as to say that if Phil continued his musical path he could be the next Springsteen. During the second round, Phillip went for a more comfortable and familiar genre with Matchbox 20’s “Disease” that was declared another good-but-not-great performance that night. During the round, we were taken back to Phil’s hometown of Leesburg, Georgia where the support and love that came his way was so great that he was fully overcome with such genuine gratitude and emotion in a scene that made even me a little weepy. I can’t imagine the horrendous bawling the female fans were doing at home!
For the third round, Jimmy picked out Bob Seger’s “We Got Tonight” with the idea in mind that it would be appealing to both male and female fans out there. What came out of Phil’s performance was a solid melody, a passionate musical display, and a standing ovation from the judging panel. It was the perfect way to end the night.but-not-great performance that night. During the round, we were taken back to Phil’s hometown of Leesburg, Georgia where the support and love that came his way was so great that he was fully overcome with such genuine gratitude and emotion in a scene that made even me a little weepy. I can’t imagine the horrendous bawling the female fans were doing at home!

The judges were handing out massive compliments left and right and you can’t blame them. The playing field has been completely leveled at this juncture and this week’s elimination was by far the hardest one yet. Everyone is so enormously talented that it isn’t even a matter of who performed well and who didn’t. It all comes down to the simple fact that only one person can win so, unfortunately, someone had to go home this week. After an insane amount of votes (something in the ninety-million range, I believe), a final decision was made that put Joshua Ledet on a plane back to Louisiana. It was sad but it would have been just as sad if it had been either of the remaining two. Like I said, they’re all fantastic, but what can you do at this point? Luckily for Jessica and Phillip, their journeys will continue to the big, grand finale next week where we will finally find out who America wants as their next musical idol.

For another take, check out Kelley Lynn’s Hometown Hero Week, and The Final Two Revealed…

Season 11, Episode 37 & 38: Top 3 Perform & Results (originally aired May 16 & 17, 2012)

For more American Idol tune in to FOX Wednesdays & Thursdays 8/7 Central.

Images courtesy of American Idol.

So. Hometown Week. Top 3 Finalists. There were three rounds: 1) Judges Choose a Song; 2) Contestant’s Choose a Song; and 3) Producer Douchebag Jimmy Iovine Chooses a Song.

JOSHUA LEDET:

Song 1 was Etta James “I’d Rather Be Blind,” and Josh did it proud. Completely gorgeous vocals, and he didn’t over-sing it. Had just the right amount of . . . Josh. Loved the scatting at the end. The judges gave their usual praise, and also gave him a standing ovation on this one.

Song 2 was John Lennon’s “Imagine.” This was nice because it showed off a more subtle side of him, and it was simple. He added his soul flavor to it, and it was very beautifully done. Steven Tyler called it “another thank you God moment,” while J. Lo found it “pulled back, controlled, lovely.” Randy mumbled something that ended and started with the word Yo.

Song 3 was Mary J. Blige’s “No More Drama,” and although I am normally not a fan of her or her music, I WAS a fan of Joshua singing her music. I loved this, and it was the perfect choice by Jimmy. He said he wanted Josh to have a moment in this song, a big moment, and I think he did. He went into that zone where he sounds and looks like he is singing in tongues, and it is wonderful. The music just goes up inside him and it’s all over. He takes you to church, brothah! Awesome performance.

 JESSICA SANCHEZ:

Song 1 was Mariah Carey’s “My All,” which was a tender, subtle, gorgeous vocal performance. Steven Tyler predicted that Jessica would be “the last one standing,” while Randy Jackson took the opportunity to tell everyone “You know, I worked with Mariah many times . . .” Yes, we know.  Shut the hell up. We get it. You’re a big time producer-musician guy. Tell us again how you were in Journey! Zzzzzzzzz . . .

Song 2 was Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing.” Yeah. She went there. The judges seemed to love it, especially Tyler, which I found odd, since I didn’t find it that great. The version of the song was weird, and I didn’t like the cheesy background singers, and she turned it into too much of a Celine Dion-like performance. I wasn’t in love. But what the hell do I know? Tyler said she “took a great song, and made it greater!” Ummm . . . no. Randy said, “Woah! Dude! Yo! I mean, I was like . . . woah!” Honestly, that is what he said.

Song 3 was The Jackson 5 “I’ll Be There,” chosen by Jimmy, and again this was a good choice. I felt she could have or should have done a bit more with it. I would have liked to hear her go off a bit more at the end and put more runs and things in it, but it was extremely pretty. Oh, and there were ferris wheels in the background of the stage. Why? Nobody knows. Randy agreed with me that the song should have had bigger moments.

PHILLIP PHILLIPS:

Song 1 was “Beggin” by MadCon. I have never heard this song in my entire life, so no clue what the melody is supposed to be, but whatever HE did, I loved. J.Lo was dancing in her seat, and Phil was jamming on his guitar. He seemed to have a new energy in him – a lot more smiling, and just feeling that music like always, but enjoying it more, too. Steven said, “Do you believe this guy?” J.Lo thought it was great, and Randy said, “Dude! Yo! Listen man . . . you are so in the zone . . . whatever . . . man. Yo. Dude. You are who you are and I love who you are.” He really needs to start making some sense.

Song 2 was Matchbox 20′s “Disease.” This was good, but definitely his weakest and most forgetful performance. Randy said it best (and I don’t say that often) with, “I didn’t like it much either. You can do that in your sleep, you are way better than that.”

Song 3 closed the night’s performances and was a shining moment for Phil. Singing Bob Segar’s “We’ve Got Tonight,” he brought the house down, by being quiet. He sang the melody and nothing more, and it was haunting and sweet and vulnerable and real. J. Lo said it was “like a lullaby.” Steven Tyler said a bunch of words that got bleeped by FOX, so I have no idea what they were.

This show is anybody’s game right now, and I have no idea who will win. I honestly like all three of them for different reasons. Even though Phil is the weakest singer of the three, I like him best. Yes, he is goddamn adorable. So, there’s that. But it’s more than that. He is a musician and not just a singer. I can see him playing his guitar and writing songs and interpreting songs and doing really, really well. Then again, hearing Josh or Jessica sing just about anything with those voices of theirs . . . is pretty freakin’ sweet. Best Top 3 Ever.

RESULTS:

The show opened up with a cute video montage of all three Hometown Hero Visits, while Simon and Garfunkel’s “Homeward Bound” played. Randy Jackson went back in time to 1986 with his stupid jacket and outfit, and J. Lo looked like a parachute. It is not a good sign when Steven Tyler looks the most normal of the three judges.

The Top 3 performed The Beatles “Got to Get You Into My Life” as an opening number, in true variety style. They sounded great for once. For some reason, I love when Phil and Josh sing together. It makes me happy. Any pair of them would make a great finale.

The horrific Ford Music Video was next, and just as terrible as ever. After this, Seacrest tried his best to delay the results with only three people left. He enjoys this particular form of torture, and loves asking a zillion questions of everyone. Dim the lights, here we go . . . (this is where Seacrest makes each person come center stage, making it look like they will get results, but then they don’t. He just sends them back to sit down after listening to Jimmy’s annoying opinion on everyone.)

Up next was a performance by Lisa Marie Presley. I have always liked her. I just do. Her voice is so much like her father’s, yet it is very unique and pretty in it’s own right. She sang her new single “You Ain’t Seen Nothin Yet” and it had a Stevie Nicks/Tom Petty/Johnny Cash vibe to it. With a hint of Sade. It was cool. Then they showed her creepy Joker-faced mom in the crowd, and I almost screamed from shock at that non-human face. AAAHHHH!!!!! Make it stop! Make it stop!!!!

Next up was a performance by previous year’s runner-up Adam Lambert, with “Never Close Our Eyes,” off his new album. He sounded great, as always, and looked like Big Bird in his BRIGHT yellow t-shirt and matching circle earrings.

And in the end, the Top 3 finalists stood next to one another, as Seacrest waited until exactly 8:57pm to announce the two Finalists . . .

This year’s American Idol finalists are . . .

JESSICA SANCHEZ and PHILLIP PHILLIPS!!!!

Talk about two incredibly different people. This will be very interesting. As for Josh, he is amazing and will have greatness.

Season 11, Episode 37 & 38: Top 3 Perform & Results (originally aired May 16 & 17, 2012)

For more American Idol tune in to FOX Wednesdays & Thursdays 8/7 Central.

Follow @poptimal.  Follow @kelleyiskelley.  Read Kelley’s blog, which chronicles the loss of her husband, at ripthelifeiknew here.

Images courtesy of American Idol.

This is the kind of answer you get when talking to Jim Rash and Gillian Jacobs, who play the ostentatiously exuberant Dean Pelton and the militantly clueless Britta Perry on NBCs cult favorite comedy Community. Tonight, the season comes to a close as the network blasts out the final three episodes of the year, due in large part to the hiatus the show was thrust into at the end of 2011.

“Any and all of the stuff when we were off the air; the flash mobs and petitions and everything,” Rash recounts of that tumultuous benching, “For fans to almost protest that you come back, it just shows that their voice was heard.” Jim was also the one bearer of those flesh covered panties by the way, though it really could be any character on the show, which is why Community is such an important part of the television mosaic; you never really know quite where it’s going to go or what it’s going to do. But at least for now, Rash is stuck with the skin tone briefs.

“The GaGa costume was so fantastic and hard to top,” he expands on the costume drama that is the Dean dropping in on the study group. It started simply enough, with the Dean occasionally wearing different accoutrements or uniforms every so often. Then Halloween came around and upped the ante, then shit just started to get crazy. Case in point: ”[The] Tina Turner [costume] was just one squat away from revealing everything.”

Rash’s background in The Groundlings comedy troupe along with his work ethic has clearly kept him humble and willing to do just about anything, even after his Academy Award win last year for co-writing The Descendents, one of the few actually deserved prizes of the entire ceremony. “I’m not surprised if the whole Ocean’s 11 gang is on the show next year,” he muses of his Clooney ties.

Britta Perry has also seen her fair share of change this season, particularly in her relationship with Troy (Donald Glover). The two have been making puppy dog eyes at each other since last season, which finally manifested into an actual date this year. Gillan seems as smitten with Donald as Britta is, “I love it. We have the sweetest hugs on TV. We’ve so enjoyed getting the time together.”

And they’ll be getting even more time to spend next year when Community returns for a fourth season. The (as of today) thirteen episode order is certainly truncated, but Jacobs still looks at it like an opportunity, “We’re just exited to get to tell 13 more stories and hopefully more down the future,” she beams, “We’re the little show that could. You can’t count us out.” Even moving to Friday nights, what some would call a “dumping ground” doesn’t sway the show’s cast. “First and foremost we have to celebrate what has been a long hopeful journey to get to a season four,” Rash says thoughtfully, “There’s always something exciting about a small change. Our fans seem to follow us, so we’re just going to hope they’ll find us again and I’m sure they will.”

Community’s future is, for now, quite bright, which gives its cast an opportunity to also think about the future of their characters as well. “I’d like to meet Britta’s family so we can see how she is the way she is. I think there’s a lot there to tap into,” Jacobs says, “I just want the material to further develop Britta and for me to unleash my terrible dancing on the world!” It’s a thought that Rash is quick to agree with, “This season they paired off a lot of different characters, so I would love to see more of that because it always evolves and changes and finds new things.”

The real hope here is that Community will thrive in its new slot, like many other cult shows have before it, while NBCs new comedy offerings will once again whither on the vine and quickly die out. This one-two punch would theoretically give the show the energy it needs to have the network order up the back nine episodes of season four and, with a little luck, order up a fifth season as well. Whatever the case, Community’s time on the air is fleeting, whether you want to admit it or not. There’s going to come a time where one if not all the characters have to evaluate whether their time at Greendale is helping or hindering them, and that crossroads is probably going to come sooner rather than later. Not to mention the fact that two of the showrunners have left to pursue other creative endeavors and the future of creator Dan Harmon remains cloudy at best. As for now, I along with a few million other smart-asses, am going to enjoy the shit out of the show and savor every moment while I can.

Six Seasons and A Movie.

Catch the insanity as Community airs in three parts tonight at 8/7c , 9/8c and 9.30/8.30c on NBC.

Images courtesy of Michael Desmond, Lewis Jacobs, and NBC.

Aoni Jackson was a magician, or at least, that is what he told the judges and audience. What happened next was just disgusting and bizarre. He asked Howard Stern for his wedding ring to perform a trick. Stern said no way, so he asked Howie, who reluctantly gave up the ring to him and joined him onstage. The man made the ring disappear, and then HE disappeared behind a curtain, and then reappeared in a disturbing pair of satin short shorts and no shirt. The said ring was hanging from a chain . . . from his nipple. On behalf of everyone on earth, let me just say “EEEWWWWWWWW!!!!” I hate these kind of acts. They are just GROSS and pointless, and I’m sorry, that is not talent. He called himself a stripper-magician, “not many do both!” Stern pointed out: “Yeah. There’s a reason for that.” This freak was X’d by all three judges and did not get through. Thank God.

Next up was The BirdLady – Miss Les. Basically, this was old lunatic who came out with birds all over her. There must have been 25 birds on her shoulders, back, just everywhere. She explained that the birds often poop on her (isn’t that lovely?), and then she started to sing. The singing wasn’t bad, but THERE WERE BIRDS ALL OVER HER! Why? What was the point of this? I have no idea. Neither did anyone else. She also did not get through.

The first sign of some actual talent and originality came in the form of a man named William Close, a musician who sculpts and creates his own instruments. He showed up with his pregnant wife waiting in the wings, and he had built an instrument called an EarthHarp. The harp stretched all the way across the stage and up into the balcony. When he played this musical instrument, the music that happened was quite beautiful and touching. All three judges were impressed, and sent him through to Las Vegas.

Elements Dance Crew were a group of talented students who used clog dancing combined with modern styles to create a very unique act. Sharon loved the concept, and they went through to the next round. Also going through was the stunt act All Wheels Sports, circus trapeze child act The Amazing Elizabeth, and Light Wire Theatre, a unique dance troupe using computers , lights, illumination, and shapes.

A couple of acts tugged at the heartstrings and got through on a mixture of emotion and talent. One of these acts was the father-daughter singing duo Jorge and Alexa. The dad played guitar and his 7 year old girl sang with him. She also talked quite a bit and made the judges and audience laugh with her cute, although somewhat cheesy “I’m an adorable little kid” comments. I think her and the bow in her hair might start to grate on me after awhile, but the audience ate her up.

Loyalty Dance Team was filled with energetic young teens and adults, that could barely get through their routine without each of them sobbing one by one by one. Sharon loved their conviction, while Stern felt they totally deserved the standing ovation they received from the crowd. All three judges put them through to Vegas.

Another sappy tale was the duo father/daughter singers Maurice and Shanice, who were also best friends and had a really sweet chemistry. As untrained street performers, their talent was raw and very real. The 16 yr old girl had a beautiful soulful voice, and her dad, who looked like Grandfather Huxtable on The Cosby Show, played off her beautifully. Everyone was moved, and Shanice cried when they went through because this was her dream.

One act that started out horrible and ended up . . . less horrible was singer Simply Sergio, who started dancing and singing very badly and was being laughed at by pretty much everyone. Suddenly, he asked if he could sing something else, and broke into “God Bless America.” It was good, but the judges acted as if it was the best thing they had ever heard in their entire lives, especially Stern, who weirdly ran onto the stage and hugged the man tightly.

A couple of funny lines of dialogue stood out, and more of these will happen as the acts start to whittle down some and we get to focus more on less people. After the great but dangerous crossbow act of Ben Blaque, where the dude’s target was a woman holding balloons in her mouth, then a newspaper, Howie Mandel retorted “Why are you wearing this Rambo-style protective gear, and she just gets hot pants?” Howard Stern also had a hilarious comment after a terrible singing performance by a young adult. He was asked if his parents were here with him, and the man replied “My parents are dead.” To which Stern replied “And they died of embarrassment?” Classic.

The second airing of the show finds the cast in San Fransisco for the first time ever, and begins with ridiculous Nick Cannon standing atop the Golden Gate bridge, screaming his head off that “AMERICA’S GOT TALENT!!!” Okay, we get it, dude. Get your ass down from up there. You look like a crazy person.

One thing I’ve always noticed and said about this show is that it’s quite clear to me that the producers are feeding the audiences who show up to watch the auditions . . . something. Sugar. Ring Dings. Twinkies. Girl Scout Cookies. Pounds of crack. Something. These audiences are beyond insane, every single year. They whoop and holler and completely overreact at EVERYTHING! A mediocre singer brings tears and screams from these crowds. Something slightly dangerous delivers gasps and sounds of utter shock! Just about everything gets a standing ovation. If you are a little kid and you say ANYTHING, you will be adored. If you are old and you get on the stage and don’t die in the middle of your act, you are a genius. If you are a comedian and you are mildly funny, this crowd will laugh like they have never in their lives heard a joke before. Maybe the producers pay these people to laugh and overreact, who knows? But the place definitely has an insane, Apollo-like vibe to it, especially with the addition of Howard Stern. Every time the guy moves, everyone starts chanting “HOWARD!” It is very bizarre. Here are some more highlights, good and bad, from San Fransisco:

CMYK’s were 5 adult men who did an ingenious mix of graffiti art, music, and dance. On a basic level, it was speed painting, but this was very inventive. All 5 men added touches to the artwork, while music played and some dance moves were even added. It was exciting, and the end result was a painting of . . . Howard Stern? Well, no. That is what he thought it was originally. In actuality, the piece was . . . well I don’t know who the hell it was. Looked a bit like Elvis or Johnny Cash, but nobody said anything. I don’t think anybody knew who the hell it was. They got through, and they are great, but they need to start painting really interesting people or things, so that each time they get up there, everyone is wondering what will they paint next?

Mr. Special was certainly . . . well . . . special. This weird-ass man rode onto the stage on some sort of childlike bicycle/tricycle type thing, beeping the horn on it like he had a paper route. As he entered, he got buzzed from two of the judges. Howie Mandel waited to see if the dude was actually going to DO something. He wasn’t. This “WTF was THAT?” act began a montage of other terrible, pointless acts, which is always fun to watch on this show. And then there was some more actual talent . . .

Cristin Sandu, a 17 year old shirtless guy, stood atop a table, some plywood, and a whole bunch of circular-like shapes and funnel things to create a pretty incredible balancing act. I’m not sure exactly how this would be a headlining act in Vegas, but it was kind of cool. After the huge build-up and then the balance, Howard Stern had a funny comment, “I missed it. Can you do it again?” Stern and Sharon put him through, while Howie did not.

Some other notable, talented acts included the Lisa Clark Dancers, comedian and impressionist Dave Burleigh, whose impressions were better than his safe material, and Luiz Menighin, an older man originally from Brazil, who is a nurse by day and an opera singer by . . . day (he sings to his patients). Although he looked like a serial killer while singing, the performance was quite good. The judges were very moved by his emotion and put him through.

A funny highlight of the show was an 80 year old woman named Paula Nelson (Granny G). She came out with a walker, and announced that she would be giving a talk on “Family Values.” She then broke into a rap that began with the line “This is to all those horny boys out there . . . check it!”  This was a very creative and funny act, and apparently she is writing another rap for the ladies. Very funny stuff.

Tim Hockenberry was a 49 year old singer and former alcoholic. Showing up with his girlfriend and their 3 week old baby, his gritty soulful voice and synthesizer playing to “You Are So Beautiful” won over the judges and America. He will be someone that the audience loves. Another likable group were the unique dance team Funk Beyond Control. Students ranging in age from 12-15, these kids were a mix of modern, funk, and highly energetic routine. Stern found it compelling, and Sharon loved the youth.

The last act of the day, or that was aired, was very inspiring, because this show loves to always leave us on an inspiring note at the end. This was true with Alonzo Jones (Turf). He calls himself an Extreme Dancer Contortionist, and that is exactly what it was. At 17, his mom kicked him out of the house, and he lived homeless for over 2 years while being a street performer. He is now 21, and this kid is freakin’ amazing. The things he did with his limbs, arms, legs, back, chest, and pretty much everything else, were astounding. Howie Mandel called it magic, and Stern said this was the reason he joined the show. It’s going to be a great season.

Next week: Americas Got Talent goes to New York City, and it looks as if Howard Stern’s parents will join them, along with some of the usual, predictable but entertaining typical reality-tv controversy. (No idea what it will be, but clips said something over-dramatic about how “one contestant changes everything for Howard Stern.” Whatever it is, I’m sure they will make it a bigger deal than necessary, and that audience will completely overreact to it.) Let the fun and jackassery begin. That’s what America loves. Oh, and talent. America loves talent.

Season 7, Episode 1 and 2 (original airdates May 14 & 15, 2011)

America’s Got Talent airs Monday and Tuesday nights at 8/7c on NBC

Images courtesy of NBC

William / Cheryl:

First dance was a tango to “Sweet Dreams,” and although the music was a bit strange, the dance itself was awesome. William continues to be incredibly sexy and also a really good dancer! Len commented, “I haven’t been this excited since my mother put me in long trousers!” What??? Seriously, what the HELL are you talking about, old man???  Bruno made a hilarious innuendo with “The Master of the House! No doubt who was on top!” (Oddly, Bruno’s last GayCupid.com date said the same thing after their hot one-night romance.) Scores were 9/9/10, and Brooke seemed flustered and confused by life backstage in the Skybox.

Second dance was a samba, and William’s costume was hot, hot, hot. A satin-type hot pink button down shirt unbuttoned almost all the way. Lots of shaking hips and asses, lots of fun and very sexy. Horny Carrie Ann fanned herself and spoke of William’s hot “thrust” motion. Len admitted: “That was the longest I’ve ever looked at another man’s bum.” (He really loves the word BUM.) He then called William a “hunk with junk in his trunk.” Jeez Len. These rhymes are getting pretty embarrassing. Take your meds and go to sleep. Scores were a perfect 10/10/10, which goes to show that Len needs to stare at other men’s bums more often.

Katherine / Mark:

First dance was a quickstep, and the footwork was amazing. Bruno loved the Roaring Twenties theme, and called it “outstanding razzle dazzle!” Len thought the number was fabulous, and Carrie Ann said they brought their “A+ game.” Scores were 10/9/10. Len only gives 10s when he can see more of the male bum.

Second dance was a salsa, and Katherine wore a costume similar to that of a belly-dancer, and shook and shimmied and danced delightfully. The dance was really awesome, and then in the last few seconds, during the last two moves, she seemed to get very dizzy and grab her back, almost falling over. Mark held onto her, along with a concerned Tom Bergeron, and she got very emotional and was almost crying. Later, she said she felt her back give out, and the show ended with word that a doctor was on the way to check her out. Scores for this dance were 9/9/9.

Donald / Heavens to Peta Mergatroyd:

First dance was a waltz, in white costumes, as they floated along the dance floor like dreamy clouds. Really gorgeous. Len said it “took him back to a different era.” Which era, Len? You are ALREADY back in a different era!  Judges’ scores were 9/9/10.

Second dance was a samba, and Donald looked dapper in his silver-toned pinstriped suit. Another excellent performance on this one, and his dancing gets better and better each week. Carrie Ann said the thing about the “A+ game” again, (get a new comment, lady!), while Bruno thought it worked beautifully on all accounts. Scores came in at 10/9/10, as Donald STILL cant get that 10 from Len. He needs to show his bum.

Maria / Derek:

First dance was the Argentine tango, and it was amazing. Maria’s leg movements and sharpness of motion was incredible, and the choreography was intense. The dance looked like one long, endless movement that just kept gliding along. Bruno stood up and yelled that it was “enticing and titillating!” and his arms in Len’s face became too much, so Len got up and moved away, yelling”Oh come on!” Then Carrie Ann accidentally kicked Len under the table while giving her comment. This is not Len’s day. He will need some extra BenGay tonight. The couple got a well-deserved score of 10/10/10, and Derek didn’t even have to show his bum.

Second dance was a jive, and it was quite adorable. Bruno noted that a lot of the steps looked like something from Bob Fosse, while Carrie Ann called it “another stunner.” Scores were 10/9/10, and Maria was so excited by the judges’ comments that she leaped onto Tom Bergeron’s person in the middle of the dance floor. Backstage, she screamed so loud at the scores of both dances, Tommy B. expressed being afraid that she would “break the Skybox.” That Maria gets very excited.

ELIMINATION SHOW:

In the top few minutes of the show’s opening, we found out that despite ending up in the bottom of the leaderboard, after a weird back twinge at the end of their Jive, star couple Katherine and Mark have made it to the finals. When Bergeron announced this, Katherine jumped up and down so hard, she probably re-injured whatever the hell was wrong with her back in the first place. I’m so happy she is in the Finals though. She is awesome.

Lots of performances made up the hour before finding out who is in Final 3. Alanis Morisette, Carrie Underwood, and a performance from the Broadway show turned film “Rock of Ages.” Also a lot of clips and video of pro dancers talking about their star partners, partners talking about their pro dance partners, and Tom Bergeron talking about how he wants to do a comedy routine with me. Okay, maybe not that last part, but really . . . that should have been there.

There was also an announcement that next season they will be bringing back some past cast members to compete for the Mirrorball Trophy.

As for this year’s Final Three, that was finally revealed in the last .05 seconds of the show. The bottom two were Donald and Peta, and Maria and Derek. Just before Tom Bergeron announced which couple would be leaving the show, he said hilariously, “No matter which way this goes . .. it’s gonna suck!” What a perfect comment at that moment. And then . . . the results. Maria and Derek are going home. And really, it could have been anyone. But it was them. Tough competition this season, but looks like the Top 3 Finalists will be Donald, William, and Katherine.

This should be fun.

Season 14, Episodes 16-17 (originally aired May 14 & May 15, 2012)

For more on Dancing With the Stars, click here.  Follow @poptimal.  Follow @kelleyiskelley.  Read Kelley’s blog, which chronicles the loss of her husband, at ripthelifeiknew here.

Dancing With the Stars airs Mondays at 8/7c and Tuesdays at 9/8 c on ABC.

Photographs courtesy of ABC/Adam Taylor

I’ll be frank with you – New Jersey is a hard housewives franchise to watch. There is never anything NEW. It’s all the ladies battling over the same thing – Teresa. And it’s listening to Teresa talk gibberish for an entire episode. It gets old. REAL old. But, since we are stuck with all these ladies for at least the rest of this season, I might as well suck it up.

We start this week with Melissa and Joe complaining about Teresa and Teresa and Juicy doing the same over Melissa. Shocker. After Juicy puts on a sad scene with a punching bag . . . complete with “pow!” sounds following each punch AND a high kick (well . . . given that Juicy is only a few feet tall, maybe it’s better described as a low kick), the two talk about events from the “solsticed” party.  After hearing the saga, Joe calls Kathy a frog, Rosie “butchy butch,” Melissa a horse and proclaims that Tre doesn’t need anyone but him.

Um, I guess if what Tre needs is an enabling, aging, broke, puffy, marshmellow man, Juicy fits the bill.

Next up, we see Caroline receive an eighty grand Jaguar from Albert for their 27th wedding anniversary. We also watch them take a trip down memory lane in the very first apartment they lived in above the Brownstone. Then she refuses all signs of affection from Al, including being fed strawberries . . . (must be the menopause).

The other uneventful event this week was Cousin Kathy’s pool party that had piss poor attendance. Jacqueline backed out of coming and so did Caroline. Who does that leave us with? Melissa, Joe, Juicy and Tre. Just great.

Rich advices his children to keep their friends away from the party so that they won’t be embarrassed by the Gorga-Guidice scene that would most definitely take place.  Very smart.

The pool party unfolds with a lot of brooding followed by Joe calling Tre over for a talk. They two use words and sentences (for the most part), but it was hard to understand what the heck either was saying. It ended with Tre calling Joe the “meanest brother in the world” and Joe calling Tre a “bitch.” See why I say some things haven’t changed. Looking forward to seeing more things staying the same next week . . .

Season 4, Episode 4:  Drowning Pool (originally aired May 13, 2012)

The Real Housewives of New Jersey airs Sundays at 10/9c on Bravo.  Read more Real Housewivescoverage here.

Images courtesy of Bravo TV.

Over the years, CBS has become known as the “old people network,” and it couldn’t have been clearer that they’re trying to break this stigma. The presentation began with a 2 Broke Girls skit, featuring stars Kat Dennings and Beth Behr, which ended with Jo Ann Ross, the president of CBS network sales, coming out on stage in her own waitress uniform. Oh, boy. After a pitch to advertisers that was filled with references to 2 Broke Girls (they apparently don’t know when to end a joke), opera singer Danielle de Niese and rapper/actor LL Cool J took the stage for a performance. At least, I think you could call it that. The attempt at a sort of rap/opera mash-up was bewildering, to say the least. I think there’s a reason Glee hasn’t tried that combo of genres yet.

President and CEO of CBS, Les Moonves, began his speech and he was really desperate to prove that CBS is not just an “old people network.” First, he poked fun at the business and culture of the Upfront presentations, which to be fair was actually pretty refreshing. They played a one-minute montage condensing the Upfront with the buzzwords, stats and charts. Of course, that was just a joke and CBS was not about to pass up the opportunity to brag about their network.

Secondly, Moonves brought up CBS’s embrace of social media, saying that their goal is to “weave a social media dimension into everything we do.” And he made sure to finish it up by asking, “By the way, have you seen my Pinterest page?” Being social-media savvy is all well and good and is pretty much a given in today’s day and age. But here’s a tip: usage of social media does not automatically make one “cool.” It just means you’ve finally caught up with the times.

For the fall season, CBS will be premiering 4 new shows – that means they’ll have 19 returning shows, including Blue Bloods, Big Bang Theory and NCIS. Their new fall shows are made up of 3 dramas: Elementary, Made in Jersey and Vegas and 1 comedy, Partners.

Elementary stars British actor Jonny Lee Miller as the famous Sherlock Holmes in this modern retelling supposedly adapted and inspired by BBC’s Sherlock. Lucy Liu also stars as Watson – yes, that Watson. The trailer depicted a show with dark and comedic elements to it; it definitely shows promise. (Thursday at 10 p.m. EST)

Made in Jersey stars Janet Montgomery as an Italian-American fashionista working as a lawyer in New York City. Of course, no one takes her seriously and she starts out as an underdog, until her bosses truly begin to appreciate her talents. I was basically getting strong Legally Blonde vibes throughout the entire trailer. (Friday at 9 p.m.)

Vegas stars Dennis Quaid in his first TV role alongside Michael Chiklis. Set in the 1960s, Quaid is Sheriff and rancher Ralph Lamb who is brought to Vegas to solve the murder of a casino worker. (Tuesday at 10 p.m. EST)

As for its one and only comedy, CBS has ordered Partners to series. The show comes from the creators of Will & Grace and is about two best friends, one straight and one gay who run a business together. Michael Urie stars as the gay friend, and he is featured most prominently in the trailer. CBS is calling Partners “next falls biggest breakout comedy” and it certainly seems as if Urie will steal the show. But overall, I’m holding judgment on this one. (Monday at 8:30 p.m. EST)

Now tell us: are you looking forward to any of CBS’s upcoming new shows? Will you be tuning into Elementary or will you be sticking with Sherlock?

Images courtesy of Jeffrey R. Staab and Matt Kennedy/CBS.

It’s time to start thinking about the performances. Will calls on Sue for help because she is a certified winner, but Sue’s first idea is to encourage Kurt to dress up like a girl and raise the stakes against Vocal Adrenaline’s Wade/Unique, who’s become a mini local superstar. But being gay doesn’t mean you enjoy dressing like a woman, and he won’t budge. It’s pretty sweet when Puck tries to help out by channeling Lola. Though Santana is a bit turned on, Artie is more concerned with the fact that he’ll never be able to tear the image from his retinas. Next, Sue wants to rely on some other props and suggests a Flashdance-inspired performance with welding gear. Watching them try to dance with huge, creepy headgear was pretty hilarious. Yet, Tina could throw a wrench in everything with her tantrum – not that she doesn’t have a point. Like many before her, she’s fed up that Rachel gets all the solos, and even Mike Chang wants her to lay off when he should be supporting her.

After singing a sad song, Rachel feels empowered again to not give up on her dream, but she went to the crazy end of the spectrum, inviting Carmen to Nationals by leaving her 14 voicemails. She just doesn’t want to lose one more year of her ingénue eligibility. Later on, Tina gets some inspiration as well. First, she proves that texting while walking – and not just behind the wheel – is also dangerous.  She doesn’t notice a fountain at the mall and takes a nose dive into it, hitting her head and transporting her to a place where she’s swapped bodies with Rachel Berry. Actually everyone was flipped. Puck dressed as Blaine and Finn dressed as Kurt – cape and all. Brittany was Mercedes, Quinn was Sugar all Jersied-up. Will was even in a track suit. The dream gives her the opportunity to shine and get a standing-O but also thank herself, as played by Rachel with blue hair streaks, of course. It also helps her realize that by helping the team and supporting the soloist, even in a small way, she’s helping the whole group. Her time will come next year.

Santana, Brittany and Mercedes try to inspire Beiste do some soul-searching of her own after finding out she’s still with Cooter. Beiste says that he deserves a second chance and now knows that he can’t treat her badly, but in truth, he’s still yelling at her, and she’s sleeping with a knife under her pillow. They invite her to chaperone the Nationals trip and keep her away from Cooter, but she’s not in the traveling mood…yet. Tina, sweet as ever and still thinking about Rachel, finds out that Carmen is teaching a Master class at Oberlin, not too far away. She offers to road trip with Rachel, making her promise to sing a duet before she graduates. When they arrive, Rachel makes her plea, and Tina even sticks up for her, but Carmen doesn’t seem to be hearing it. Rachel brings up that she read Carmen tried out for Julliard four times, so Rachel won’t give up either – not this year or next year or the year after – and asks her to see her perform at Nationals one more time.

After taking one for the team and offering to dress in drag (though Will makes sure the club will not have to take him up on Sue’s crazy option), Puck gets hassled by the hockey team who’s found out even if he was only in a wig and dress for about 5 seconds! Ricky the Mullet shouldn’t be making fun of anyone with that hairstyle, but I guess he’s the new head bully in town. The two fight, West Side Story-style by the school dumpsters, and Puck gets pretty wrecked before he whips out a knife (Cool it, boy!) and Beiste breaks things up. It’s a fake knife from the school WSS production, but Beiste notices something is really wrong. He says he’s nothing, worthless, a failure and a joke, and Beiste begins to see a little of herself in him. When Beiste returns home, Cooter apologizes once again for “losing his cool.” She shows him the fake knife and says she won’t stab him with that one but she might stab him with that big kitchen knife, and she leaves him. He asks: who’s going to love her? She retorts: she will. I practically shouted at the screen. At the school, Beiste finds Puck singing alone in the auditorium and breaks the good news. He can retake the test he failed, and she’ll help him. Neither of them is alone, and maybe one more pair of feet will be walking across that graduation stage.

The episode closes with an extremely sweet scene between Finn and Rachel, as they look over Artie, Sam, Brittany and Kurt talking in the hallway, recalling how when things started, they were just kids “cling[ing] desperately to their own kind.” It really did have the emotional pack of a finale end scene, especially when Rachel and Tina finally duet-ed their way onto the bus that would take them to Chicago and a potential Nationals win. I was just glad and lucky the show didn’t end there.

In Chicago, the club is really feeling the pressure and everyone’s arguing as they prepare to compete. Mercedes even gets sick but Sue saves the day with a miracle cure, and everything starts to come together before the big moment. Finn speaks on behalf of the group, giving the “Schue pep talk” and thanking their choir leader for all he’s taught them. Pre-show, Rachel runs into Jesse St. James (Thank you, writers!) and has an honest conversation about how she knows he’s nervous and he confesses the need to succeed and keep the Vocal Adrenaline dynasty alive. He also congratulates Finn on their engagement like a gentleman. Mercedes and Kurt go to wish Wade well, but he’s moping and says that he can’t conjure Unique. The two help him push through the stage fright, and the fear of not living up to all the hype. And of course, he does live up to it. (He even wins the MVP award.) Vocal Adrenaline only has one star at a time but the dancing is a stunner as always. I consider that to be star two for them. After the performances, Jesse chases after Carmen. At first, I thought he was just trying to get a leg up when he says that she probably won’t remember him, but that’s not why he’s there. He wants  her to know Rachel’s the most talented person he’s ever met, and that he has no doubt she’ll be a star and a great addition to NYADA. In the end, Carmen does remember him, so maybe he’s got a future on the stage after all.

This year’s judges were comprised of Lindsay Lohan making a comeback, Perez Hilton blogging about Lindsay’s comments and Alderman Martin Fong (Rex Lee) – not the most hilarious grouping but definitely memorable and a new spin on the judges with all the cattiness and shameless clawing for a shiny, new image. The big reveal is drawn out, much slower than previous seasons and competitions. At least, that’s the way it felt to me, but New Directions wins. And we are provided a celebration montage that could come off as cheesy, but somehow doesn’t. Maybe it was the “Tongue Tied” in the background or the slushies turned to confetti; it could have been Will and Emma finally getting it on or Rachel being asked for her autograph in the year book; It just filled me with elation. The episode was capped with Mr. Schue (ex-Spanish teacher turned “some other subject we still never see” teacher) winning Teacher of the Year, and Rachel and Finn giving a speech about how much he’s helped them change and grow. The club serenades him with the apt “We Are the Champions,” a perfect finish to a nearly perfect two hours of Glee.

So what’d you think, folks? Would you have been happy if this had been the finale? I know I would be. How’d this year’s competition stack up against the rest? And can Lindsay Lohan really make a comeback like the New Directions kids did? Let’s hear it for the glee club that went from 12^th place to 1^st in one year! Anything can happen.

THE SONGS
“I Won’t Give Up” by Jason Mraz. Sung by Rachel. A
“Because You Loved Me” by Celine Dion. Sung by Tina. B
“Mean” by Taylor Swift. Sung by Puck and Beiste. B+
“Flashdance… What a Feeling” by Irene Cara. Sung by Rachel and Tina. A-
“The Edge of Glory” by Lady Gaga. Sung by Tina, Mercedes, Quinn, Santana and the Troubletones. B
“It’s All Coming Back to Me Now” by Celine Dion. Sung by Rachel. A+
“Paradise by the Dashboard Light” by Meat Loaf. Sung by New Directions. A
“Starships” by Nicki Minaj. Sung by Wade/Unique and Vocal Adrenaline. B
“Pinball Wizard” by The Who. Sung by Wade/Unique and Vocal Adrenaline. B+
“Tongue Tied” by Grouplove. Sung by New Directions. B+
“We Are the Champions” by Queen. Sung by Rachel, Quinn, Kurt, Finn, Santana and Puck. A

MEMORABLE MOMENTS

• “Isn’t she the one that used to stutter?” – Sue
• Rachel offers Tina $50 to forget about her freak out until after Nationals.
• “I really couldn’t figure that out so I just stopped wearing any at all.” – Brittany on underwear
• “I’ve ordered 18 little people, one for each of you…Munchkins. I found them online, William. And don’t worry, I’ve got a mix of race and ethnicities so you can keep up with your little diversity charade.” – Sue
• Rachel and Finn’s potential church wedding performed by a rabbi.
• The idea of Jesse singing “Giants in the Sky” from Into the Woods.
• Brittany and Santana and Finn and Rachel’s confetti kisses.
• Sue in a track suit and top hat, noticing that Emma “looks different.”

For another take on this week’s episode, check out Doubling Down for National by Josh Hatala

Season 3, Episode 20: “Props” and Season 3, Episode 21: “Nationals” (originally aired May 15, 2012)

Glee airs Tuesday night at 8 p.m. on FOX.

Are you a Gleek? Click here for more Poptimal coverage of Glee.

Images courtesy of Mike Yarish/Adam Rose/FOX

The only word I can use to describe my feelings about Monday night’s season finale of Gossip Girl is “mixed.”  While some parts were entertaining, other parts felt retread. I wasn’t at all wowed, and nothing felt big the way it was hyped by the writers.  First, though, let’s recap.

After her diary is leaked to Gossip Girl by Serena, Blair is stuck in an awkward situation. She has to make amends with all of the people and places she bashed in those leaked pages.  She’s furious with Serena, who assures her that she’ll fix things, but as matters get worse and more secrets are spilled, Blair loses any faith she may have had in her friend. She enlists the help of one of her minions to find Serena’s big secret, something that’ll be just as damaging if she leaks it to Gossip Girl.

Serena tries damage control, including asking Dan to stay off Gossip Girl – yeah, that’ll work.  But when Blair ruins Serena’s chances of working on another film project, she stops worrying so much about cleaning up her mess. Instead, she makes sure Blair won’t be coming to the Shepherd’s divorce party – this is the same couple, by the way, who was getting married when Serena first betrayed Blair by sleeping with Nate.  She has a similar plan in mind now, too.

Blair’s other would-be suitor, Chuck, is busy dealing with his father and the media.  His father brings him the ring Chuck had intended to give Blair. It makes Chuck reconsider his situation with Blair, especially after some of Blair’s diary pages reveal her feelings about him. Chuck and Dan both tell Blair they need an answer about her feelings that night. Meanwhile, Chuck’s father, Bart, announces he’ll be taking back over the Empire, and booting Chuck out of it. When Chuck confronts him, he explains that Chuck has put his romance with Blair ahead of the company too many times.

It’s bad timing for Blair.  Just when Chuck is booted from his company, Blair’s mother has asked her to take over Waldorf designs. It’s her mother who convinces her she’s a powerful, strong woman. I love this plot because Blair’s strength is coming from a woman, not any man. Go Blair! But it’s this strength that leads her to Chuck, whom she admits to being in love with. But Chuck is having daddy issues, and he rebuffs Blair.

Wait . . . why does this feel so familiar? Oh, right, because we’ve done this a few times before. How many times can these two volley back and forth?

Bart’s return is ruining more than one relationship. Since she and Bart never divorced, she is legally married to two men, and one marriage has to be annulled.  Rufus brings Bart annulment papers, but Lily rips them up later, saying she wants to make this decision herself. In the end, she annuls her marriage to Rufus and stays with Bart. Which . . . makes absolutely no sense.  I know they’re fighting, but really? Bart?

In a tiny, almost pointless storyline, Nate asks Lola to move in with him, though she’s been offered a gig in a traveling Broadway show.  Her father gives her the money from Cece’s estate. Lola then gives this money to Ivy, who it really belongs to. Ivy swears she’ll use the money to take down Lily while Lola leaves the Upper East Side.

Back at the Shepherd divorce party, Serena gets Dan a little drunk, convinces him that Blair is not coming and that she never loved him, and gets undressed in his presence.  In a scene that models the one in which she slept with Nate, Serena seduces Dan.  Afterward, Dan realizes this was just an attempt to hurt Blair by tricking him into cheating on her, and he says he never wants to see her again.

Blair and her mother go to Paris. Chuck and Jack team up against Bart, who took away both of their shares of the company, and Serena is on a train, doing drugs with some sketchy guy. Oh, and Dan meets up with Georgina and asks her to help him write a scathing book about the Upper East Side. The book he should have written from the start.

But, at the very end, Blair finds Chuck at a gambling table and says she’s going to fight for him this time.  She is willing to risk everything to be with him.

There was very little “new” about this episode. I liked the full-circle aspect of Serena betraying Blair in the same place in the same way and her downward spiral. But it’s not different or original. Chuck and Blair’s back and forth is just getting tiring – I love romantic tension, and I love this couple, but the same excuses have been used over and over.  I get the need to keep them apart, but can’t there be a more unique way of doing it?

I know the Dair fans must have hated this episode.  I’ve seen cries of him being out of character this week, though I disagree.  If anything, it fit well. Dan has a habit of doing dumb things when he feels hurt or betrayed, and Serena made sure he felt that way. I actually felt for him this week – first he thinks Blair is turning on him, then he finds out Serena was using him, then he finds out Blair really did leave him. It wasn’t a good night for Dan, and I’m eager to see what he and Georgina cook up.

There are only eleven episodes left of Gossip Girl. It’s getting one short season next year. I won’t give up on the show, despite the frustration of this episode. But I am eager to see how the writers wrap this all up. I think it’s safe to say Chuck and Blair are endgame. A few years ago, I would have said Dan and Serena were, too, but now I’m really not sure. I do hope Lola returns, though.  I like her!

Best Storyline: I really don’t know
Worst Storyline: Chuck’s daddy-issue-driven rejection of Blair
Want to See More Of: Lola
Want to See Less Of: Bart

Season 5, Episode 24: “The Return of the Ring” (original air date May 14, 2012)

For more Gossip Girl, check out our other reviews.

Gossip Girl airs Monday night at 8 p.m. on The CW.

Images courtesy of David Giesbrecht/Giovanni Rufino/The CW Network.

The Good

“Mean”

The whole club’s included

“It’s All Coming Back to Me Now”

Body swapping

“Edge of Glory”

Santana’s got rage

Last night, Tina Cohen Chang took a stand against being marginalized by Will. She was tired of never getting a solo, even though I think she sings more than half of the other girls, and was bitter that Rachel was just handed yet another one, meaning she really hasn’t been paying attention to how their set lists get structured (Group Number + Rachel Solo + Newly Added Troubletones = New Directions). While working on her assignment as costume designer, she hits her head, and wakes up in bizarro land where she and Rachel have body swapped, as have the rest of her friends. My favorite parts of all of this border-line ridiculous behavior were Santana’s hand motions as Artie from her wheelchair and Puck’s facial expressions as Blaine, rocking the perfectly-gelled wig.

Tina, of course, learns her lesson, that she’s one part of a whole and maybe next year she’ll get that solo. So, she teams up with Rachel to get the NYADA dean (guest star Whoopi Goldberg) to Nationals in Chicago to see Rachel perform again. Turns out, college admissions professionals don’t really like being harassed by prospective students who blew their audition. But through the magic of television, we know she’ll make it to the performance just in time to see Rachel knock “It’s All Coming Back to Me Now” out of the park. She even stands and whistles at the end.

Revisiting Coach Bieste, we see she hasn’t left Cooter, and the girls have figured it out. Things continue to get worse for the coach at home, leading her to tenuously grasp a knife in one slightly chilling scene, and even pull another one on Cooter before finally announcing she’s leaving. She and Puck unexpectedly bond over some Taylor Swift; he’s been down lately because the mullet-ed hockey jocks pointed out he’s the type of Lima loser who never leaves town after high school…if he ever leaves high school. Bieste saw something in Puck when he was willing to come to school in a dress because he thought it would help the team, and gets him a makeup test so he can graduate.

Other highlights of the night included Jesse St. James revealing he’s not completely vapid and obnoxious by confronting the NYADA Dean both about his former audition and Rachel’s potential, saying she’s the most talented person he’s ever known. Sue continued the trend of self reflective mockery the show’s owned lately, illustrating that she’s been pregnant for an indeterminable amount of time. Oh, Sue, I missed you being clever like this.

The Bad

“Celebrity” judges

Teacher of the year?!

No more Roz

Less Troubletones?

I love Emma Pillsbury’s pamphlets more than you can know, but when last night’s popped up on Will Schuester’s desk announcing it was finally time for the couple to have intercourse, did anyone else do a double take and think wait, you really haven’t been having sex this entire time? Sure, I remember, even in her lack of appearances this year, that Emma has some issues with things she deems messy, but I thought they were working on how that affected their relationship through a combination of therapy and psychotropic medications. Apparently, Will, you weren’t working hard enough. Or maybe it was too hard. All you needed to do was win Nationals.

Unique’s comment about transferring schools next season alarmed me as soon as she said it. Really, the last thing Glee needs is more characters to balance, particularly ones forced in from a reality show about to enter its second season. Besides, her plotline has already run its course and provided us with the painful subplot of Sue trying to get Kurt into a dress last night. Hopefully Unique can join Rory in series deportation. Throw in Joe, too.

While I loved “Edge of Glory” at Nationals, where were all my mysterious Troubletones from performances of yore? You know, Blonde Pixie Cut and Anonymous Black Girl and Girl Who Looks Too Much Like Brittany To Get a Face Shot? The rest of the season, they’ve managed to perfect routines without ever appearing at a rehearsal and, at Regionals, hopped out on stage just to join Santana and Co. for a quick number.

For all the press surrounding it, did Lindsay Lohan really think this would do anything for her image? Also, enough with the celebrity judges. It was more amusing when Loretta Devine guest starred as a hooker turned nun judging the competition than with Perez Hilton snapping mundane Lohan photos to update his site with. You’ve got stunt casting covered Glee, no one’s tuning in just for Lohan.

Also, Will as teacher of the year? A few episodes ago, wasn’t he almost fired for faking his way as a Spanish teacher? Yeah, it was a cute moment with the glee kids and all, but it was no “To Sir, With Love.”

The Future

I don’t know if it’s because Ali Adler and Ian Brennan have been scripting the bulk of this round of episodes, but where was this kind of Glee for the first half of the season when everyone was still cautiously watching? Character continuity, emotional plots lined with ridiculously quick, funny interludes and the simplicity of actually focusing on an upcoming competition balanced with the high school lives of the McKinley crew have all been in sync since the winter hiatus.

The graduation finale still looms, and is sure to bring with it a fair serving of melodrama as all of us viewers anticipate who exactly will be leaving the show, where will they be off to, and what’s the deal with this show-within-a-show Ryan Murphy talked about this week at Upfronts? Will Rachel attend NYADA? Is a double wedding in the works? It oddly feels like there’s still a lot to cover before the seniors move their tassels.

Season 3, Episode 20: “Props” and Season 3, Episode 21: “Nationals” (originally aired May 15, 2012)

Glee airs Tuesday night at 8 p.m. on FOX.

Are you a Gleek? Click here for more Poptimal coverage of Glee.

Images courtesy of FOX

In the wake of the Diary Incident, Marnie finds her relationship with Charlie in shambles.  He’s furious, and while she tries to make amends, he can only shut her down. She goes to see Charlie’s friend, Ray, to ask for Charlie’s address because she’s never been to his apartment in all the time they’ve been together.  She shows up and is impressed by his “Target ad” apartment. The two have a lot of time to talk about their relationship, including a flashback scene to the night they met (at college, when Marnie was high on some sort of drug).  At first, it seems like they’re going to reconcile, but while making love, Marnie tells him she thinks they should break up.

That’s bad timing.

In another part of town, Jessa is meeting up with an old boyfriend. He dumped her, but he’s here to see how she’s doing and, apparently, to tell her he’s moved on with an older woman. While he says repeatedly he doesn’t want to cheat on the woman he’s with, he and Jessa end up going to Shoshanna’s apartment and having sex – while Shoshanna is in the room! They don’t even seem to notice her sitting there, looking really uncomfortable.  After the quickie, the guy leaves, and Jessa notices Shoshanna and accuses her, teasingly, of being a pervert.  Shoshanna says nothing, though, and that’s the last time we see her.

I guess Zosia Mamet was busy this week?

After a comment from Jessa about life experience for her essays, Hannah decides that, instead of being upset about her boss’s sexual harassment, she’s going to pursue it. She propositions him in his office, but he laughs at her. Then she threatens to sue him for harassment. It’s just an epic fail on Hannah’s part – incredibly awkward and cringe-worthy. In the end, she quits her job.

To add insult to injury, she heads over to Adam’s house thinking that, after their intense moment last week, they are “together.”  But Adam assumes they’re broken up because she ended things with him. After going to the bathroom, Hannah returns to find Adam, uh…pleasuring himself. A strange sexual moment occurs in which Hannah talks down to Adam and he really likes it. It’s both a little disturbing, considering the nature of this relationship, and strangely nice, showing that they can connect with each other on a sexual level that neither is embarrassed by.

Personally, I felt al little frustrated by the absence of Shoshanna’s character. This show, I’ve noticed, seems to have a hard time balancing four strong storylines in only half an hour. I blame this on the intense focus on Hannah’s character. The others don’t feel like leads, they feel like filler in some ways. I hope that, as the show develops, the writers will learn to spread the attention out and make the storylines overlap. Jessa, for instance, always feels so separate from the others, while Marnie and Hannah’s stories feel intertwined.  I want all of the stories to feel connected, and I want all of the girls be get strong, complete stories.

That’s not to say this episode wasn’t good – it was really funny!  Especially the scene with Hannah and her boss. I thoroughly enjoyed myself – but the lack of balance between all the girls’ stories was noticeable.

Here’s hoping Shoshanna will actually have dialogue next week!

Season 1, Episode 5: “Hard Being Easy” (original air date May 13, 2012)

Girls airs Sunday night at 10:30 p.m. on HBO.

Images courtesy of HBO.

ABC has unveiled their new primetime schedule for Fall 2012, shifting some of their returning shows to all new nights. Fans of Revenge will find the series airing on Sunday nights at 9, taking Desperate Housewives’ old spot in the Fall. Tuesday nights will feature a brand new comedy hour as Happy Endings and Don’t Trust the B—- in Apartment 23 will ring in the 9 o’clock hour.

Joining the schedule in the new season will be 666 Park Avenue (Sundays at 10), The Neighbors (Wednesdays at 9:30), Nashville (Wednesdays at 10),  Last Resort (Thursdays at 8), and Malibu Country (Fridays at 8:30 starting in November). Midseason will see the return and premieres of The Bachelor, Body of Proof, The Family Tools, How to Live with you Parents (for the rest of you life), Mistresses, Red Widow, Wife Swap, and Zero Hour.

MONDAY
8/7c Dancing With the Stars
10 pm Castle

TUESDAY
8 pm DWTS Results
9 Happy Endings
9:30 pm Don’t Trust the B—– In Apartment 23
10 pm Private Practice

In January
8 pm HOW TO LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
8:30 THE FAMILY TOOLS

WEDNESDAY?
8 pm The Middle
8:30 pm Suburgatory
9 pm Modern Family
9:30 THE NEIGHBORS
10 pm NASHVILLE

THURSDAY
8 pm LAST RESORT
9 pm Grey’s Anatomy
10 pm Scandal

FRIDAY
8 pm Shark Tank
9 pm Primetime: What Would You Do?
10 pm 20/20

In November
8 pm Last Man Standing
8:30 pm MALIBU COUNTRY
9 pm Shark Tank
10 pm Primetime: What Would You Do?

SATURDAY
8 pm Saturday Night College Football

SUNDAY?
7 America’s Funniest Home Videos
8 pm Once Upon a Time
9 pm Revenge
10 pm 666 PARK AVENUE

“666 PARK AVENUE”

At the ominous address of 666 Park Avenue, anything you desire can be yours. Everyone has needs, desires and ambition. For the residents of The Drake, these will all be met, courtesy of the building’s mysterious owner, Gavin Doran (Terry O’Quinn). But every Faustian contract comes with a price. When Jane Van Veen (Rachael Taylor) and Henry Martin (Dave Annable), an idealistic young couple from the Midwest, are offered the opportunity to manage the historic building, they not only fall prey to the machinations of Doran and his mysterious wife, Olivia (Vanessa Williams), but unwittingly begin to experience the shadowy, supernatural forces within the building that imprison and endanger the lives of the residents inside. Sexy, seductive and inviting, The Drake maintains a dark hold over all of its residents, tempting them through their ambitions and desires, in this chilling new drama that’s home to an epic struggle of good versus evil.

“LAST RESORT”

500 feet beneath the ocean’s surface, the U.S. ballistic missile submarine Colorado receive their orders. Over a radio channel, designed only to be used if their homeland has been wiped out, they’re told to fire nuclear weapons at Pakistan.

Captain Marcus Chaplin (Andre Braugher) demands confirmation of the orders only to be unceremoniously relieved of duty by the White House. XO Sam Kendal (Scott Speedman) finds himself suddenly in charge of the submarine and facing the same difficult decision. When he also refuses to fire without confirmation of the orders, the Colorado is targeted, fired upon, and hit. The submarine and its crew find themselves crippled on the ocean floor, declared rogue enemies of their own country. Now, with nowhere left to turn, Chaplin and Kendal take the sub on the run and bring the men and women of the Colorado to an exotic island. Here they will find refuge, romance and a chance at a new life, even as they try to clear their names and get home.

“MISTRESSES”

Welcome to a provocative and thrilling drama about the scandalous lives of a sexy and sassy group of four girlfriends, each on her own path to self-discovery, as they brave the turbulent journey together.

Meet Savi (Alyssa Milano), a successful career woman working toward the next phase in her life — both professional and personal — simultaneously bucking for partner at her law firm while she and her husband, Harry (Brett Tucker), try to start a family of their own. Savi’s free-spirited and capricious baby sister, Josselyn (Jes Macallan), couldn’t be more different – living single, serial dating and partying, and regularly leaning on her big sister along the way. Their common best friend, April (Rochelle Aytes), a recent widow and mother of two, is rebuilding her life after tragedy and learning to move forward, with the support and guidance of her closest girlfriends. And friend Karen (Yunjin Kim), a successful therapist with her own practice, reconnects with the girls after her involvement in a complicated relationship with a patient goes far too deep.

“NASHVILLE”

Chart-topping Rayna James (Connie Britton) is a country legend who’s had a career any singer would envy, though lately her popularity is starting to wane. Fans still line up to get her autograph, but she’s not packing the arenas like she used to. Rayna’s record label thinks a concert tour, opening for up-and-comer Juliette Barnes (Hayden Panettiere), the young and sexy future of country music, is just what Rayna needs. But scheming Juliette can’t wait to steal Rayna’s spotlight. Sharing a stage with that disrespectful, untalented, little vixen is the last thing Rayna wants to do, which sets up a power struggle for popularity. Could the undiscovered songwriting talent of Scarlett O’Connor (Clare Bowen) be the key to helping Rayna resurrect her career?

Complicating matters, Rayna’s wealthy but estranged father, Lamar Hampton (Powers Boothe), is a powerful force in business, Tennessee politics, and the lives of his two grown daughters. His drive for power results in a scheme to back Rayna’s handsome husband, Teddy, in a run for Mayor of Nashville, against Rayna’s wishes.

“RED WIDOW”

When Marta Walraven’s (Radha Mitchell) husband is brutally murdered, her first instinct is to protect her three young children. Her husband’s business partners – Irwin Petrova (Wil Traval), Marta’s scheming and untrustworthy brother, and Mike Tomlin (Lee Tergesen) — were involved in an illegal drug business deal with rival gangsters, and Marta’s husband paid the ultimate price. She already knows the violent world of organized crime; her father, Andrei Petrova (Rade Sherbedzija), and loyal bodyguard Luther (Luke Goss) are gangsters too. She and her sister Kat (Jaime Ray Newman) had always wished for a safer life without bloodshed and fear. For a while Marta lived happily as a stay at home housewife in San Marta’s cooperation, FBI Agent James Ramos (Mido Hamada) now promises justice.

Marta discovers a tenacity she never knew she had, and takes on the gangsters and the FBI to unveil the truth about her husband’s death. As she digs into this dark underworld, she’ll test her own strength, relying on her resourcefulness, determination and family ties like never before. To get out of this mob, she needs to beat the bad guys at their own deadly game.

“ZERO HOUR”

As the publisher of a paranormal enthusiast magazine, Modern Skeptic, Hank Galliston has spent his career following clues, debunking myths and solving conspiracies. A confessed paranormal junkie, his motto is “logic is the compass.” But when his beautiful wife, Laila (Jacinda Barrett), is abducted from her antique clock shop, Hank gets pulled into one of the most compelling mysteries in human history, stretching around the world and back centuries.

Contained in one of his wife’s clocks is a treasure map, and what it leads to could be cataclysmic. Now it’s up to Hank to decipher the symbols and unlock the secrets of the map, while ensuring the answers don’t fall into the wrong hands – a man they call White Vincent (Michael Nyqvist). With his two young associates, Rachel (Addison Timlin) and Arron (Scott Michael Foster), in tow, along with Becca Riley, a sexy FBI agent (Carmen Ejogo), Hank will lead them on a breathless race against the clock to find his wife and save humanity.

“HOW TO LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS (FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE)”

Polly (Sarah Chalke) is a single mom who’s been divorced for almost a year. The transition wasn’t easy for her, especially in this economy. So, like a lot of young people living in this new reality, she and her daughter, Natalie (Rachel Eggleston), have moved back home with her eccentric parents, Elaine (Elizabeth Perkins) and Max (Brad Garrett). But Polly and her parents look at life through two different lenses. Polly’s too uptight. Her parents are too laid back. Polly’s conservative when it comes to dating (no action, whatsoever), while her parents are still sexually adventurous. They think Polly turned out okay, so what’s the big deal? Well, they say it takes a village to raise a child…and in Polly’s case, this village is on fire. But with help from her best friend Gregg (Orlando Jones), her lovable yet irresponsible ex-husband Julian (Jon Dore) and her cool and fun assistant Jenn (Rebecca Delgado Smith) Polly takes her first steps toward getting a life, starting with a social one.

“MALIBU COUNTRY”

When Reba Gallagher (Reba) discovers that her husband, Bobby, (Jeffrey Nordling) a country music legend, has a cheatin’ heart, her world is turned upside down. Reba dreamt of becoming a country star herself, but put her career on hold to raise a family. Now she’s questioning all of that, big-time. With the ink on her divorce barely dry, Reba packs up her sharp-tongued mother, Lillie May (Lily Tomlin), her two kids and the U-Haul and heads for sunny California to begin a new chapter. Leaving Nashville in the rear view, they start over at their Malibu residence — the last remaining asset they have. Reba gets to know her new open and loving neighbor Kim (Sara Rue) and her son, Sage, but also discovers that relocation to Southern California is going to be quite an adjustment for a traditional southern belle: the West Coast seems like the polar opposite of Music City, and Reba feels like an outsider. Still, with the support of her family she sets about finding her voice, jump-starting her music career with the help of her new music agent, Geoffrey (Jai Rodriguez), and embracing this chance to begin again.

“THE NEIGHBORS”

How well do you know your neighbors?

Meet the Weavers, Debbie (Jami Gertz) and Marty (Lenny Venito). Marty, in hopes of providing a better life for his wife and three kids, recently bought a home in Hidden Hills, a gated New Jersey townhome community with its own golf course. Hidden Hills is so exclusive that a house hasn’t come on the market in 10 years. But one finally did and the Weavers got it!

It’s clear from day one that the residents of Hidden Hills are a little different. For starters, their new neighbors all have pro-athlete names like Reggie Jackson (Tim Jo), Jackie Joyner-Kersee (Toks Olagundoye), Dick Butkis (Ian Patrick) and Larry Bird (Simon Templeman). Over dinner, Marty and his family discover that their neighbors receive nourishment through their eyes by reading books, rather than eating. The Weavers soon learn that the entire community is comprised of aliens from Zabvron, where the men bear children and everyone cries green goo from their ears.

The Zabvronians have been stationed on Earth for the past 10 years, disguised as humans, awaiting instructions from home, and the Weavers are the first humans they’ve had the opportunity to know. As it turns out, the pressures of marriage and parenthood are not exclusive to planet Earth. Two worlds will collide with hilarious consequences as everyone discovers they can “totally relate” and learn a lot from each other.

“THE FAMILY TOOLS”

Mixing family with business is never easy, and Jack Shea (Kyle Bornheimer) is about to learn that lesson the hard way. When Jack’s father, Tony (J.K. Simmons), has a heart attack and is forced to hand over the keys to his beloved handyman business, Jack is eager to finally step up and make his father proud. Unfortunately Jack’s past career efforts have been less than stellar, so everyone seems to be waiting for him to fail. His new job isn’t made any easier by Tony’s rebellious, troublemaker assistant, Darren (Edi Gathegi), and Darren’s flirtatious sister, Liz (Danielle Nicolet), who works at the local hardware store. Yet with the support of his Aunt Terry (Leah Remini) and his oddball yet endearing cousin Mason (Johnny Pemberton), Jack Shea may just find his true calling right at home.

Videos courtesy of ABC.

Convenient timeliness aside, Sunday’s “Dark Shadows” hearkened not only to the campy 1960s horror soap upon which Tim Burton and Johnny Depp’s latest film is based, but particularly to the dark shadows lingering underneath each character’s respective façade. Don Draper’s hidden past has permeated its way inside every aspect of the foundation he’s built in an attempt to bury Dick Whitman, but this week marked an uncovering of everyone’s most ruthless attempts to keep their own deepest insecurities at bay. Ah, the dark shadows within us all. Get it? The episode, much like Betty’s Weight Watchers meetings, was full of such on-the-nose euphemisms and heavy-handed life metaphors normally beneath Mad Men’s typically nuanced allegorical flair, yet the message still rang as poignant and insightful as any of the series’ most elegant offerings. Witnessing the brutal jealousy, competition and manipulative calculation propelling each character’s self-serving motives along the way, however, was simply icing (or should I say Reddi-Wip?) on the cake. So much for subtlety, indeed.

The opening shot is a percolating attention grabber, silently depicting a long-absent Betty preparing her pointedly mundane breakfast. Once she places a carefully measured collection of cheese cubes next to her halved grapefruit, the dry crunch of burnt toast is all the symbolism we need. The stark loneliness surrounding the Francis’ gothic suburban manse and Betty’s fastidious calorie-counting perfectly juxtaposes the fast-paced atmosphere of Don and Megan’s glamorous Manhattan high-rise and metropolitan lifestyle. While Henry’s political career seems to be shifting into neutral and Betty finds solace among other body-conscious housewives, Don is inspired to rekindle his creative mojo at SCDP and Megan immerses herself into the life of an aspiring actress, minus the waitressing shifts.

Megan’s undeniable good fortune and privilege brew tension as she helps a fellow fledgling thespian run lines for an upcoming audition. The part? A new character on Dark Shadows, of course. Megan laughs at the script’s ludicrous dialogue, but her friend becomes defensive and indignant, pointing out the unfairness of Megan’s judgment coming from her “throne on 73^rd and Park.” This fleeting spat pales in comparison to the throbbing waves of anger, envy and regret that roar through Betty, however, when she finally gets a closer view of what married life looks like for Don the second time around. As she peers around his stylish, modern apartment, an accidental eyeful of the younger, lithe Megan getting dressed only punctuates the diverging paths she and Don took after their divorce. In Betty’s mind, Don’s big-city happiness with a plucky brunette not only insinuates a significant upgrade on his part, but also diminishes their previous life together and highlights her current self-perceived banality as a pudgier version of the discontent homemaker she already was. Once at home, Betty initially swallows her incredulity during an impulsive trip to the fridge, but spits out both her snack and her guilt after a moment of clarity.

Despite her blinding resentment, Betty’s actually come a long way from wolfing Bugles on the couch. When she discovers Henry frying a steak in the middle of the night out of sheer desperation, she surprisingly projects her self-loathing onto him with merely minimal effect, lamenting, “I’ve driven you to do this because I can’t control myself.” Instead of acknowledging Betty’s pity party, he wisely invites her to have what ends up a relatively productive marital conversation regarding his unhappiness at work. Henry’s boss, New York City mayor John Lindsay, won’t be running for President like Henry had hoped, and his career trajectory looks stagnant as a result. “I bet on the wrong horse,” he confides. “I jumped ship for nothing.” Betty, of course, likely mirrored this statement with her burgeoning feelings of regret about Don, but out loud she spews Weight Watchers platitudes in attempt to show Henry she supports him regardless of the unknown future. “It’s so easy to blame our problems on others, but really, we’re in charge of ourselves,” she declares. “And I’m here to help you, as you’re here to help me. We’ll figure out what’s next.” The sweet, but clichéd testimony rings predictably flat, but nonetheless placates Henry, and perhaps even Betty, at least for the time being.

What Betty doesn’t know is Don’s festering an inferiority complex of his own at work, as his rivalry with newbie wunderkind Michael Ginsburg inspires him to start writing copy again. He spies a folder containing Ginsburg’s pitch ideas for their newest prospective client, finds himself amused and impressed with the work and stays at the office to dictate ideas of his own. Don surprises himself by coming up with a presentable, perhaps even sellable, campaign, but is irked with Ginsburg’s backhanded compliments the next morning. “Wow, that’s actually good,” Ginsburg muses. Don’s raised eyebrow at his protégé’s snide quip says more than any verbal retort could, much like Betty’s crestfallen frown upon the sight of Megan’s trim torso. Let the vengeful undermining begin.

Elsewhere at SCDP, Roger follows thematic suit by recruiting Ginsburg for similar ad hoc work he bribed Peggy to do a few weeks ago for the Mohawk Airlines account. This time, Roger is preparing to sweep a Jewish winery off its feet and makes no qualms about his blatantly bigoted decision to pick Ginsburg as his right hand man. “How Jewish are they?” Roger had asked Bert when presented with the opportunity. “You know, Fiddler on the Roof: Audience or cast?” Roger is spending all of this effort (or I suppose cash, in his case) with the direct intent to usurp Pete’s future success at the agency, but he’s the one who ends up feeling less than when he convinces his soon-to-be-ex and conveniently Semitic wife, Jane, to accompany him to the wooing session. The winery owners’ handsome son joins the dinner party and displays remarkably indiscreet admiration for Jane, who clearly enjoys the attention. Roger, threatened by the unforeseen competition, responds by having Jane show him the new apartment he just purchased for her (!) and promptly seducing her despite her tepid reluctance. The next morning, a grief-stricken Jane tearfully, bitterly explains to Roger how he managed to pollute her new sanctuary with more memories of his presence, thus negating her entire reason for wanting to move out of the place they’d shared together as a married couple in the first place. Roger’s genuine remorse about causing Jane more anguish shows welcome depth for his character, and the situation’s tangible sadness provides the episode with an emotional resonance that no other storyline quite accomplished. How’s that for dark shadows?

Any progress Betty seemed to have made, meanwhile, turns into serious self-righteous buffoonery as she discovers a brief note Don left Megan on the back of one of Bobby’s drawings. “Lovely Megan,” it begins. “I went to buy a light bulb. When I get back, I’ll see you better. Love, Don.” Ouch. The tenderness of the note’s undertones in such everyday context throws Betty for a loop, and hearing Don’s voice narrate as she reads it sends her clear over the edge. Armed with only a stalk of celery (where is that Reddi-Whip when you need it?), Betty notices Sally working on a family tree project for school and immediately unleashes the biggest arsenal she has. “Don’t forget about your dad’s first wife,” she says, referring to the late Anna Draper. Sally is dumbfounded and demands answers when visiting the city the next weekend, but Megan can detect Betty’s manipulation and convinces Don to handle the matter without confronting Betty. Just before he makes an angry phone call, Megan reminds him, “If you do that, you’re giving her exactly what she wanted. The thrill of having poisoned us from 50 miles away.” Sally overhears their conversation and realizes her mother’s intentions, quickly shifting allegiance the next morning when Don explains his relationship with Anna the best way he can. “I really wish you’d met her,” he says. Betty coolly asks Sally what Don and Megan had said when she asked about Anna, and Sally replies with the effortless superiority only a 12-year-old can master. “Oh, Daddy showed me pictures,” she coos. “They spoke very fondly of her.” Zing!

Back at the agency, the creative team is presenting both Don and Ginsburg’s ideas for Sno-Ball, the client with whom they’re meeting and attempting to sign that afternoon. The product is a slushy refreshment reminiscent of a Slurpee or Sno-Cone, and aimed toward a younger demographic. Ginsburg’s campaign centers on sillier, more juvenile humor involving images of various authority figures getting hit in the face with an actual snowball. Don’s is a bit wry in comparison and plays off the “snowball’s chance in hell” adage by depicting Satan himself enjoying a Sno-Ball. Both ideas have their merits, but the team seems to agree that Ginsburg’s is funnier and better suited for the product, so naturally Don leaves the storyboard in the cab and solely pitches his own idea. They land the account, but Ginsburg confronts Don about his betrayal anyway. Realizing his youth and talent threaten Don, Ginsburg is all the more disgusted with the petty sabotage. “I feel bad for you,” he sneers. “I don’t think about you at all,” Don replies, as he swiftly slides through the elevator doors and out of sight.

How apropos that an episode centered so much on each character’s self-seeking motives and actions would take place right before Thanksgiving? Betty’s pre-holiday Weight Watchers meeting focuses on the importance of filling one’s emotional void with gratitude instead of food, which would be good advice if Betty were the type of person to actually be grateful for what she has. “We should fill ourselves with our children, our homes, our husbands, our health, our happiness,” the chairwoman advises. But Reddi-Wip is so delicious! Back in Manhattan, Megan warns Don of the smog emergency affecting the city and won’t let him open the window. “The air’s toxic. I don’t want that in here,” she declares, setting the table for a Thanksgiving dinner that won’t include one particular toxin she’s already banished from their home. At Chez Francis, Betty begins to dig in when Bobby reminds her that they all need to say what they’re thankful for first. Oh, right. “I’m thankful that I have everything I want,” Betty announces. “And no one else has anything better.”

Betty’s closing line is perfectly punctuated with a shot of her taking the single bite of stuffing off of her meagerly adorned plate. The pure bliss on her face is not only an illustration of the emotional escape she’s discovered through eating, but also the power of denial facing both she and Don as they refuse to acknowledge the bitter competitions they each engaged in when faced with their own insecurities. Don told Ginsburg he didn’t think about him at all, when in reality it was an obsession with overshadowing his prodigious talent that caused Don to deliberately sabotage Ginsburg’s Sno-Ball campaign. Roger destroyed whatever salvageable relationship he had left with Jane in attempt to assert his own masculinity when threatened by a younger, virile rival, and Peggy took visible glee in watching Ginsburg, her direct competitor, get screwed. Betty, of course, doesn’t have everything she wants despite saying so, and is in fact crushed by the idea that her ex-husband has found a life better than the one he had with her. Even Megan, whose Manhattan palace and financial security was a source of jealousy for her friend, admitted she’d still “kill for an audition for that piece of crap” Dark Shadows, rich husband or not. Underneath it all, she’s just a struggling actress too.

The episode’s tongue-in-cheek reference to the soap opera narrative has been a running joke on Mad Mensince its inception, but what’s helped the show set itself apart from other like-minded dramas is the artistic and intellectual integrity of its storytelling. The clunky-by-comparison symbolism and thematic efforts of “Dark Shadows” kept the episode a far cry from classics like “The Suitcase” or “Shut the Door. Have a Seat,” but plenty of important character development and haunting performances helped set the tone for future groundbreaking installments. The Sno-Ball campaign may have taken center stage as far as this week’s ad work was concerned, but Roger’s pitch to Manischewitz was pure poetry. “The passengers can’t see the ad, but everyone can see the passengers,” he explained to his enthralled guests. The same can be said for the characters. They can’t see us, but we can see everything. Even the dark shadows.

What did you think of this week’s Mad Men? Were you glad to see Betty, or just glad to see she’s still fat? Are Gilmore Girls fans stoked or scarred by Alexis Bledel’s guest-starring arc? Did you forget about Lane? Will Joan get more than one paltry scene next week? Will Megan ever get less than every single scene? Would you take LSD with Roger? Post your thoughts in the comment section below!

Season 5, Episode 9 “Dark Shadows” (originally aired May 13, 2012)

Mad Men airs Sunday nights at 10/9c on AMC

Images courtesy of AMC.

“Off The Reservation” picks up right where the last episode left off, with Holder (Joel Kinneman) in a really bad way. Linden (Mireille Enos) calls for backup and a search team to find Holder at the Indian Reservation, but Lt. Carlson denies the search party, despite the fact that there is an officer down. Linden confronts him in a rage,“Carlson, they were beating him! Start the search!” She fumes. “You word means nothing here. Get out!” He exclaims. If this seems pretty fucking stupid, that a superior officer would not pull his team together to help an officer in need, you’re not alone. It’s re-god-damn-diculous. Of course, Linden goes into the reservation alone, where she meets a road blocked by some of the reservation’s finest including Chief Jackson. “Last I saw, your boy General Custer was getting on the ferry,” She says ominously. Miraculously, her backup arrives with Carlson and search team in tow. “Whatever we find out there, it’s on you,” he warns of what is about to go down. That this whole bait-and-switch happens before the opening credits of the show on top of it making no sense at all renders it useless, though thankfully it is put to bed quickly as opposed to it being dragged out over the course of the entire episode.

The search team has until dawn to find Holder, which is when the lawyers arrive to shut everything down. They make fast progress despite the pitch black of night; Holder’s pez dispenser is found near a dump site, where they meticulously scavenge for any signs of life. At dawn, Holder looks nowhere to be found until Linden spies a little Native American girl playing in the junk. She points to something quietly- the woods. Linden figures that they might have gone the wrong way and she’d be right. The dogs finally find Holder in the woods, lying against a tree, left for dead and beat to shit.

Meanwhile, Councilman Richmond (Billy Campbell) holds another press conference with the “bad luck either breaks you or makes you” routine, though the press still doggedly ask him where he was the night of Rosie’s murder. He and his staff dodge the question yet again, but it becomes clear that something needs to be done about this. He needs to throw the press and the voters a bone if he’s not going to answer the question. Grasping at straws, Richmond visits Senator Adams and makes a power play. “I know about the photo,” He says plainly and leaves. Adams is angry and scared, telling his advisor to find out how Richmond knows about the forged image. Later, Richmond’s staff finds that thrown bone the campaign needs in the form of the waterfront property, which is the cornerstone of Adams’s campaign. If they can take that from him, they could possibly reclaim the election. Here, they begin to devises a plan to take the waterfront away from Adams.

Meanwhile, Holder has been sent to the hospital to recover from broken ribs, exposure, and a lot of cuts and bruises. While unconscious, Holder’s sister gives Linden the matchbook he got from the casino maid, “It was the first thing he said when he got in here. ‘Give this to Linden’.” Linden sees the message and high tails it to the meet. Linden arrives at BBs, a barber shop, where the maid meets her, “I’m the one who found Rosie’s backpack,” she confesses, “They’re wrong about Rosie. She wasn’t a prostitute.” In fact, it turns out that Rosie was also a maid at the casino hotel. Not only that, Rosie would also sometimes work the floor as a waitress, which explains her heavy makeup. Chief Jackson. She saw her the night of her death and says that she might have gone up to the “tenth floor” where they used to take smoke breaks, the floor that is under construction. The casino took away all their keys to the floor the day after Rosie died.

After getting quite a break in the case, Linden returns to her office to find cops swarming her office, along with Carlson. He is suspending her for her insubordination. “They wouldn’t have done that to Holder if we weren’t on the right track,” Linden argues, but Carlson wants nothing more to do with it. She turns in her gun and her badge with no other choice. Cops are also searching Holder’s apartment for any evidence pertinent to the case, but more pressing to Linden is that Jack is nowhere to be found. She is at the pier because he thought the cops were coming for him. Thankfully,  Jack gets put on a plane to be with his dad while things blow over, which means that we don’t have to deal with his stupid bullshit anymore. Holder meets Linden at the airport after getting a call from Jack wanting to say goodbye. As the two leave the airport, they do so with a new mission: Rosie’s key that is locked away in evidence will open up the tenth floor at the casino, which could hold all the answers for their case. They have to somehow get the key from evidence.

This week’s episode of The Killing is a microcosm of what is wrong with the show. When it works, it does so to great effect, but when it doesn’t work it’s even worse. Stan Larsen’s storyline, which previously found him dialing back into his organized crime roots, have turned meaningless as he spends time talking to quacks who are giving him “tips” to find Rosie’s killer. More obnoxious is Mitch’s storyline, which seems to come and go as it pleases, or worse, when it is most convenient. The investigation storyline is more or less pretty engaging, its just everything orbiting the key A-story that suffers greatly. At this point, it’s also doubtful whether the answer to the mystery will provide connections for all the storylines, which will be kind of a bummer as this season comes to a close over the next five weeks.

Season 2, Episode 8: “Off the Reservation” (original airdate May 13, 2012.)

The Killing airs Sundays at 9/8c on AMC.

Images courtesy of Carole Segal and AMC.

Smash stars Katherine McPhee and Megan Hilty perform at the NBC UpFront. (c) Poptimal 2012

During its annual 2012-13 primetime presentation, NBC proudly showed off clips from its 6 new fall shows, of which 4 are comedies. That means, including returning shows like 30 Rock and Community, there will be 11 original comedies per week. According to NBC Entertainment Chairman Bob Greenblatt, there was a “conscious decision to focus on comedies.”

But it won’t be all about the comedy. NBC is still heavily touting The Voice, which they’re hugely proud of. The third season will kick off in the fall with some changes apparently coming to the blind auditions and battle rounds. Greenblatt said we’ll see more of the swivel chairs even after the blind auditions.

Because the Voice continually rakes in high ratings, NBC is hoping it will work as a successful lead-in for its new show Revolution (Sundays, 10 p.m.). Revolution, executive produced by J.J. Abrams, is a show set 15 years after a permanent blackout. We’re talking no smartphones, laptops, cars, airplanes, etc. It’s back to a prehistoric way of life. Revolution promises to have a complex story and mystery, but what really drew me in during the teaser were the sets. There’s just something about seeing Chicago’s Wrigley stadium rusting and being overtaken by vines and weeds. It’s like entire cities are turning into jungles.

Expect to see NBC putting a lot of emphasis on their Tuesday night comedy line-up. Also benefiting from a lead-in of The Voice, NBC will be airing two new comedies beginning at 9 p.m.: Go On, starring Matthew Perry, and the New Normal, from creator Ryan Murphy. The night then finishes up with returning series Parenthood at 10 p.m.

Go On tells the story of Ryan King (Perry), a sports radio host. Months after his wife passes away, he’s still having a hard time dealing with her death and is sent to group therapy. The synopsis alone makes it sound morbid and it could be a tough sell. Personally, the trailer didn’t make me laugh much at all, but NBC is really promoting Perry’s “return” to the network. Who knows, maybe they’ll will bring him more luck than his stint with ABC.

Cute, adorable and funny are really the one words that come to mind when trying to describe The New Normal. The show is centered around Goldie and her daughter who move to California to start a new life. Goldie wants to follow her dream of becoming a lawyer and decides to become a surrogate as a way to earn some cash. Her life becomes intertwined with Bryan and David, a gay couple whose baby she’s carrying. The show also stars Ellen Barkin and NeNe Leakes as a more dressed-up version of Roz Washington, but still with a sharp tongue and plenty of insults up her sleeve.

Wednesday night’s 8 o’clock hour is dedicated to “family comedies” beginning with Animal Practice and continuing with Guys With Kids. “Guys” is exec produced by Jimmy Fallon and suffers from a case of too much laugh track (not a good sign in my book). The short summary for both these shows is: watch Animal Practice for the awesome monkey assistant; watch Guys with Kids if babies are your thing.

Also on Wednesday nights is the second of NBC’s new dramas, Chicago Fire. Following the death of a fellow firefighter, tension is building amongst co-workers at the fire station. Chicago Fire stars Jesse Spencer in his first TV role post-House and Taylor Kinney from the Vampire Diaries.

Thursday nights are reserved for the returning comedies: a final season for 30 Rock, which will culminate in a 1 hour finale special, Up All Night, Parks and Recreation, and The Office. As for the Office, though it’s been lagging since the departure of Steve Carrell, Greenblatt promised “explosives story twists” next season. Meanwhle, Fridays will also feature returning shows Whitney, Community and Grimm.

NBC will be home to the summer London Olympics which begins in just under 75 days! In addition to live coverage and streams across several platforms (TV, Internet and mobile) Greenblatt announced that some of NBC’s pilots will be sampled during the Olympics to gauge audience interest.

While the fall programming focused mostly on comedy, it seems NBC’s midseason slate is being saved for new dramas. SMASH will return on Sundays for an uninterrupted run with new showrunner, Josh Schwartz. Fashion Star will also move to Sundays at 8 p.m. beginning early 2013 followed by the Celebrity Apprentice, which Greenblatt said will have some familiar faces. At 10 p.m., NBC will air Do No Harm, a particularly intense show about a doctor with split personality. Think Jekyll and Hyde – or “Jekyll and House” as the NBC execs called it.

Other shows that will be joining the midseason line-up but have not yet been scheduled include Mockingbird Lane, a revamp of sorts of the Munsters. Mockingbird Lane begins shooting next month and if all goes well it will be picked up for the midseason. Eddie Izzard will be the main character, a Grandpa Munster type of figure. The show already features the tagline: “Grandpa’s got his groove back.”

There’s also Hannibal: The Beginning, starring Hugh Dancy and Crossbones: The True Legend of Blackbeard. Back to the comedies, NBC has also greenlit Save Me starring Anne Heche as a woman who stars to hear God after a near-death experience and 1600 Penn about America’s dysfunctional First Family. 1600 Penn features Josh Gad from Book of Mormon as the President’s problem-causing son, who really has good intentions deep down. The show looks fun and entertaining and I’m looking forward to it. Plus, Bill Pullman is the president. He will always be my president.

Last but not least for the midseason is Next Caller about a shock jock (Dane Cook) who meets his match when he’s assigned a conservative co-host (Collette Wolfe) and Infamous, a drama-mystery about the murder of a young heiress.

Most of the residents are fielding offers from very respectable hospitals, with Cristina (Sandra Oh) entertaining the most prestigious opportunities, until Alex (Justin Chambers) surprises everyone with an offer from Johns Hopkins.  It doesn’t look like most of them will be returning to Seattle Grace.  Loyalty is nice, but at the end of the day they need to advance their careers and realize their full potential.  Alex was the lone confirmation for Seattle Grace, but when Hopkins comes calling he can’t pass up the opportunity.  Derek wants to head to Boston, but Meredith wants to stay at Seattle Grace.  She has an offer from The Brigham, and Derek has very promising career-defining opportunities in Boston too.  Meredith (Ellen Pompeo) doesn’t want to be far from Cristina, but it’s time to grow up and move on.  Sometimes they act more like fifth graders than adult women, and they are too involved in each other’s lives.  Surprisingly, it’s Cristina who comes to this realization before Meredith.  I guess being an adult doesn’t exclude you from having growing pains.

On a personal level, there are some interesting things going on besides the residents’ career choices.  Ben (Jason George) and Miranda (Chandra Wilson) have been dating for a little while, but she never seems to make adequate time for him.  Despite the romantic gestures he’s made, she always seems a little distracted and has blown him off many times.  This time he wants to just hang out and enjoy her day off, doing crossword puzzles and enjoying each other’s company.  He makes her a romantic breakfast in bed, but before he can give it to her she is fully dressed and ready to head in to the hospital.  She thinks it’s silly that he wants to do crosswords when there are more exciting things to do, like removing a tapeworm from a patient.  She doesn’t realize that he embedded a marriage proposal in the crossword puzzle until she makes a mockery of the activity in the O.R. and he has to ruin the surprise because she wasn’t game.  It’s a snapshot of their relationship: they are rarely on the same page.

Owen is completely out of the loop when it comes to Cristina and doesn’t know any more about her future plans than Teddy or Meredith.  Everyone is clamoring for her to make a decision, and they all hope that she sticks around.  She has relented somewhat in her anger towards Owen, and for a second it looks like they may reconcile.  Cristina cuddles with him briefly after coming home from a party, and it confuses Owen.  Later, she comes to him in the hospital and they make love.  He thinks it’s a good sign and is willing to be patient as they repair their relationship.  Unfortunately, it was farewell nookie, because as soon as he came she was gone, telling Owen that she’s leaving Seattle Grace for another hospital.

In the beginning of the episode it’s mentioned that the staff will be taking part in the surgical separation of conjoined twins at Boise Memorial Hospital.  When Alex changes his mind about staying at Seattle Grace, Arizona completely flips out on him and bars him from representing Seattle Grace in the high-profile surgery.  She had a rough day with her late brother’s best friend, the dying cancer patient.  She unfairly lashes out at Alex, but he takes it in stride.  As it turns out, the tongue-lashing might be a blessing in disguise.

Towards the end of the episode I began to grow suspicious of Meredith’s ubiquitous narration and the juxtaposition of the scenes of them flying to Idaho.  I thought to myself, “don’t tell me this plane is going down…” and sure enough that’s what’s going to happen.  Grey’s Anatomy NEVER disappoints in the season finale, and next week’s episode should be a doozie.  There’s no way that all the residents are leaving Seattle Grace, as it appeared.  I suspect that this crash will end up making them reevaluate things and that they will stick around.  Unfortunately, I think someone may perish first.  Who will it be?! Stay tuned!

Season 8, Episode 23: “Migration” (original air date May 10, 2012).

Grey’s Anatomy airs Thursdays at 9/8c on ABC.

Images courtesy of Randy Holmes and ABC.

Beyond the Wall, Jon Snow awakens next to his captive wildling companion Ygritte, who taunts him about his erection pressing against her as they awoke. Ygritte ascertains  by his reaction that he’s never been with a woman, and uses that as fuel for the rest of the episode. Poor, innocent Jon Snow. She asks him about what the men of the Night’s Watch do about their urges, and learns there are no women of the Night’s Watch. She also questions him about his oath, and what makes his brothers lord of all people beyond the Wall.

Ygritte thinks the wildlings’ way is better than what order they have in Westeros, and keeps telling Jon he doesn’t have to follow his oath out in the wilderness. She then threatens to tell the other brothers that she and Jon had sex, because it’s one’s word against the other, and in fact wants to anyway, since they’re likely to believe her story. Ygritte pushes at him further and further, but he refuses her, so she runs off. When Jon is finally able to find her, he sees that he’s surrounded by more wildlings.

At Harrenhal, Lord Tywin has been hanging guards trying to figure out who poisoned the man that was after Arya last week. He assumes the poison dart was meant for him and just happened to miss. Arya brings him a meal, which he apparently doesn’t like, and refuses her offer to bring something else, asking her to sit and eat what she brought in his company.

Tywin tells Arya this is to be his last war, win or lose, as she grabs a knife and strongly considers cutting his throat. Instead, the two have a sort of strange father-daughter pseudo bonding session, where they recount the stories of the mad Targaryen king and his dragons.

In King’s Landing, Sansa awakens from a nightmare about her near rape. She finds she’s started to bleed, signaling she’s now of childbearing age. Shae comes in and is ready to help her hide it by flipping the mattress, but another handmaiden sees. Shae moves to slit her throat and returns to find Sansa’s already been found out.

Cersei takes Sansa to her chamber to counsel her on the matter. She tells her what it was like being wed to King Robert and is careful not to speak ill of Joffrey, but knows that he will not love Sansa in the way she’d once hoped. She tells Sansa the more people you love, the weaker you are, and that a mother must do nothing but love her children.

Later, Cersei and Tyrion take counsel on the coming Baratheon ships and what they’ll have to do about it. Tyrion thinks it’s time for Joffrey to take a more physical role in this war he started. Cersei relents she’d always hoped Joffrey would turn out more like Jaime, but realizes now that he’ll never possess any sort of nobility.

At Robb Stark’s camp, Robb makes arrangements to head for the Crag and accept their surrender. Talisa comes into his tent, requesting he bring back medical supplies so she may treat the wounded. He commands she accompany him to the Crag, so that she may better gather the supplies they need. This leaves Catelyn and Brienne at the camp, where Alton, the Lannister cousin who delivered Robb’s peace terms, has been locked up with Jaime.

Jaime sees Alton as his way out, kills him with his chains and cuffs, and then takes out the guard that comes to check on them. But unfortunately for the Kingslayer, he’s apprehended and the father of the guard wants his head. Catelyn, defended by Brienne, has Jaime locked up to await Robb’s justice, knowing they still need him if they ever plan to get Sansa and Arya back. Brienne is concerned Jaime won’t survive the night.

Catelyn speaks with Jaime alone, guarded only by Brienne. He taunts her when she calls him a man without honor, saying he’s only ever been with Cersei, making him far more honorable than her husband. Jaime asks her how it felt when Ned brought home the bastard Jon Snow, and if Catelyn pretended to love him still. Catelyn asks Brienne for her sword.

In Winterfell, Theon Greyjoy furiously hunts with his hounds for Bran and his brother on the run with their servants. Osha and the boys seek shelter at a small, familiar farm, which Theon later interrogates. Back at Winterfell, Theon addresses the people and is visibly shaken when two small, smoldering corpses are dropped by nooses behind him.

Meanwhile, in Qarth, Daenerys is desperately trying to get her dragons back. Xaro promises to help her while Jorah returns to her after looking for a ship. She snaps at him after he tries to assure her the people in Westeros will still welcome her and commands that he find the dragons.

Jorah visits the cryptic woman with the covered face, who can tell that he loves Dany more than he claims to. She tells him that the person who took the dragons is with Dany now, and we cut to Dany in an assembly with the lords of Qarth and Xaros, pleading her case for whomever took them to return the dragons to her. She knows the dragons will die without her and the Spice King feels they should, knowing their continued lives would only amount to death and destruction.

Pyat Pree, one of the warlocks of Qarth, claims to have the dragons and the House of the Undying, and agrees to return them to her thanks to a deal with the King of Qarth. Dany and those assembled are confused, wondering who he speaks of when Xaro interrupts, clearly taking the title thanks to a new deal he made, as the warlocks reveal themselves behind the lords, slitting all of their throats. Jorah comes in and witnesses this, and Dany runs to him as a projection of the warlock appears before her. Jorah’s sword moves to meet it, but finds empty clothes and another projection across from them now claiming a mother should be with her children.

Season 2, Episode 7: “A Man Without Honor” (originally aired May 13, 2012)

Game of Thrones airs Sunday night at 9 p.m. on HBO.

For more on Game of Thrones, click here.

Images courtesy of Paul Schiraldi and Helen Sloan for HBO and IMDbPro

Fox held their 2012 UpFronts today, a presentation for the media and advertisers highlighting the successes of the previous season and showing off what they plan to add and change in the fall. Fox, though still considered the “fourth” network by a lot of old school television junkies, has steadily been rising across younger demographics, largely due to their commitment to social and other media platforms.

In fact, one of the hard hit messages during the UpFront today was their intention to continue that ideal, making content available across Internet, mobile, and traditional platforms in order to bring the maximum amount of quality programming to the highest number of viewers. They expect their 230 million social media “fans and followers” to increase in the coming months.

They introduced the show today with a skit from their darling (hell, everyone’s darling) New Girl, with the cast members interviewing for a new roommate. Their candidates? Dr. Temperance Brennan, Hope, Walter Bishop, Mary Murphy, Randy Jackson…the list goes on and on, and proves quite handily the kind of success Fox has had, whether they’re considered a threat by the “big 3” networks or not.

Here’s a look at the new shows they have slated for the fall:

Ben and Kate: A half-hour comedy about a brother and sister who couldn’t be more different. Kate has a daughter, she’s an adult. Her brother Ben, not so much. It looks like a cute show, but honestly the weakest of all the promos they showed today. Still, with it occupying the half hour before New Girl, it has a chance to snag an audience that might otherwise dismiss it out of hand. Starring Dakota Johnson and Nat Faxon.

The Mindy Project: Another half-hour comedy, starring Mindy Kaling of The Office and No Strings Attached, among other things. This could be a great time for this show, with a lead in from New Girl and the type of comedy Mindy Kaling is making her own. I look for this one to do well, if the writing delivers.

The Goodwin Games: This appears to be a sweet, family type comedy perhaps more akin to Raising Hope than slapstick-type fare, but boy does it have a cast. A father’s death brings his three estranged children together, forcing them to reconnect while dealing with the aftermath. Starring Scott Foley (who, let’s face it, lots of us have been waiting to see in a permanent role again since Felicity went off the air), Beau Bridges, Becki Newton, and Jake Lacy. I would love to see this one do well, but it’s going to really depend on how strong the audience reaction is out of the gate, I’m afraid. It’s slated for a midseason launch.

The Mob Doctor: I know what you’re thinking – another medical drama? Well for the first time in years, Fox is without House, and perhaps they think The Mob Doctor is a natural replacement. The main character is a woman who pulled herself up from the wrong side of the tracks and through medical school, only to become unintentionally indebted to the mob. She walks the line between good and evil every day, and honestly could be compared to House in some ways, with her inability to completely embody the doctor stereotype. I’m not sure this has super drama potential, but viewers have proven their love for medical dramas time and time again. Starring Jordana Spiro (from TBS’s My Boys) and William Forsythe.

The Following: This one, I think has massive amounts of potential, even if Fox might shoot themselves in the foot if they continue to tout the series as “the new 24.” Created by Kevin Williamson and produced by Outerbanks Entertainment, the show follows an FBI agent after a particularly heinous serial killer. With powerhouse names like Kevin Bacon, Maggie Grace, and James Purefoy, this little baby is going to be born with a lot of eyes on it – which could work in it’s favor, or not, and is also slated for a midseason start.

All in all, they have some exciting prospects, solid writing, and a good mix of fresh face and experience behind all of their shows, old and new. Some viewers (including me) were disappointed with the cancellation of The Finder. Less (I don’t know anyone) were sad about the departing Alcatraz, but Fringe’s viewers are thankful for even a short fifth season renewal. We’ll all have to tune in this fall to see how these new shows stack up with the ones we’re leaving behind.

Fox’s summer line up is all reality, all the time, with So You Think You Can Dance and Hell’s Kitchen joined by new dating shows The Choice and Take Me Out.

Here’s the rest of Fox’s revised schedule, the most notable change with Glee’s move to Thursday nights:

MONDAY

8/7c – Bones

9/8c – The Mob Doctor

(The Following, midseason)

TUESDAY

8/7c – Raising Hope

8:30/7:30c – Ben and Kate

9/8c – New Girl

9:30/8:30c – The Mindy Project

WEDNESDAY

8/7c – The X Factor (American Idol, midseason)

THURSDAY

8/7c – The X Factor Results (American Idol, midseason)

9/8c – Glee

FRIDAY

8/7c – Touch

9/8c – Fringe (13 episodes) (Hell’s Kitchen, midseason)

SATURDAY

Animation Domination High-Def to debut in 2013

SUNDAY

7:30/6:30c – The OT (The Cleveland Show, midseason)

8/7c – The Simpsons

8:30/7:30c – Bob’s Burgers

9/8c – Family Guy

9:30/8:30c – American Dad

 

Even starting out, as we met a myriad of couples in the later stages of life, all dealing with one kind of disappointment or another, it feels a little bit like a Love Actually set up.

Let me tell you, if you’re expecting that kind of magic, you will be disappointed.

Evelyn Greenslade (Judi Dench) is an elderly woman who recently lost her husband, finding out only after he died that he’d left her with a mountain of debt she’ll have to sell their home to pay off. She puts their flat up for sale, starts a blog, and decides to travel for the first time in her life.

Graham Dashwood (Tom Wilkinson) was brought up in India, where he fell in love with his best friend Manoj. When the boys were caught together, it disgraced his lover’s family and Graham ran away to Britain. As he became a barrister, then a judge, he never lost the regret he felt over losing his one true love because of his cowardice. He’s returned to India to find Manoj and apologize.

Douglas (Bill Nighy) and Jean (Penelope Wilton) Ainslie loaned their retirement funds to their daughter, who squandered them on an Internet business. They don’t seem to care for one another very much, and when they learn what kind of sad, horrible retirement flat they can afford in England, they make the decision to try India instead.

Norman Cousins (Ronald Pickup) is a lonely man looking for love in all the wrong places. After another depressive night of speed dating and rejections, he wants to find a new place that might be full of possibilities, even for an old geezer like him, who’s not quite ready to throw in the towel.

Madge Hardcastle (Celia Imrie) plays Norman’s female counterpart, a woman who has made a living off of seducing wealthy men into taking care of her, but finds that life harder and harder as she ages. India seems like rich new stomping grounds.

Muriel Donnelly (Maggie Smith) needs a hip replacement, and even though she’s a cranky old bigot, going to India for the surgery is the only way she’s going to get it done in a timely fashion.

This rag-tag group makes their way to The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, a place that’s not exactly as it seems on the brochure. The owner and operator is Sonny Kapoor (Dev Patel), a young man with big dreams but no one other than himself to believe in them. The hotel was his father’s dream too, one he never saw realized before his death. His mother is on his back to give up and move back in with her until she can find him a suitable wife, and his two (successful) brothers, who own shares in the property, are antsy to sell. He wants to make the hotel work and marry his girlfriend Sunaina (Tena Desae), who his mother considers too modern and unsuitable.

Everyone in this story is at a crossroads, with not much to lose. They each begin a journey in this foreign place, and some have more success adapting than others. Mrs. Donnelly gets her surgery, but even though Indian doctors help her walk again, continues to exhibit only racism and disdain for the country. Graham reconnects with the country that raised him while he searches for his lost love. Madge and Norman scour the city for suitable romantic distractions, while Mrs. Ainslie refuses to experience anything at all, choosing instead to stay in the hotel.

Mr. Ainslie and Evelyn are the two who thrive in their new environment, with him learning to enjoy the little things in life and her having the chance to support herself for the very first time. They begin a friendship that, if he weren’t married, might turn into something more.

As time passes, the rest of them start to change for the better, to see that perhaps their lives are not over even though they inch closer to the end. Maybe starting over is scary, but not as frightening as the opposite, which is thinking you’re too old to change. Graham finds his old lover, who not only forgives him, but has still loved him all this time too. Madge helps Norman find a lady friend that suits him quite well, and Mrs. Donnelly comes to know the country and its people in a personal way through a hotel maid who takes a shine to her. Evelyn continues to throw herself into the culture, thriving and making friends at her call center job while blogging the experience for her family back home.

Only Sonny struggles to move forward, unable to stand up to his overbearing mother and tell her he’s good enough to make the hotel work, and that he loves Sunaina and will marry her no matter what she thinks. The problem, it turns out, is that perhaps he doesn’t believe he deserves those things himself. When his brothers decide to sell the hotel, though, he and his guests will have to decide once and for all what they’re willing to lose…and what they’re not.

The film isn’t a terrible venture, but honestly, it would have fit just as well on the Hallmark Channel for a much lower budget. I’ll take nothing away from the cast, who we all recognize as British acting royalty, and they breathed believability and life into these frightened, aging people that have decided they still might have a few new experiences in them. That said, the tales wrap up with annoyingly pretty, tight bows and the dialogue is so saccharine it made me feel a little sick to my stomach.

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel is a nice, pretty film that will keep you (mostly) entertained for the length of its runtime. The scenery is stunning, as is to be expected, and India remains a place I’d love to visit. This movie does not, however, deliver the honest juxtaposition of beauty and poverty of Slumdog Millionaire, leaving me convinced that as much as the writers want me to believe the characters in this story come to understand and love the country where they’ve taken up residence, they remain nothing more than blind tourists.

The film has absolutely nothing new to say, no ground to break, and a lack of a single interesting, memorable character that feels like something more than an archetype.

Skip it, unless you watch a DVD with your grandmother in a few months.

Images courtesy of Ishika Mohan and Twentieth Century Fox Film.

All year, we’ve been waiting for the event that will finally open Emma’s eyes and make her believe in not only her past, but her destiny.  It turns out that Regina (Lana Parrilla) poisoning Henry (Jared Gilmore) instead of Emma with her deadly, magic apple is the push she needed.

As the doctors try to figure out what happened to Henry, Emma dumps out his bag, desperate to find a logical solution to what’s happening to her son. With the doctors in one ear saying that nothing that’s happening makes medical sense, Emma (Jennifer Morrison) picks up Henry’s fairytale book…and she remembers everything.

I love that Henry in danger is the thing that makes her believe, and I love that they used the book that began everything as the catalyst. The perfect execution of the moment we’ve been waiting for through an entire season.

In a moment borne of pure desperation, Regina and Emma team up to find a cure for their son. Who else would you go to in a moment like this but Mr. Gold (Robert Carlyle)? He tells them that he does have a bit of bottled true love from Emma’s parents, and that if they can retrieve it, it would be powerful enough to save Henry’s life.

In a parallel scene, Prince Charming (Josh Dallas) escapes from jail with the help of the Huntsman (Jamie Dornan cameo, yay!), and rides through an enchanted forest in search of Snow White. He’s hopelessly lost when he stumbles across Rumplestilskin, who is willing to help Charming find his true love, of course for a price. This time, he’s interested in keeping his bottled true love safe for a rainy day…in the belly of a beast.

The beast in question is Maleficent in dragon form, who Regina has trapped below Storybrooke. All those years ago, Charming buried the most powerful magic of all in Maleficent’s belly and now, in order to save Henry, Emma takes her father’s sword and goes to get it back. She succeeds, but for some unfathomable reason trusts Gold, who steals his potion for his own, always mysterious reason.

As a small subplot, the Mad Hatter (Sebastian Stan) hasn’t forgotten Regina’s promise from last week, but when she refuses to follow through and return his daughter, he exacts his revenge on Henry. But that’s not even enough. He makes his way down into Regina’s little dungeon of terror and releases Belle (Emilie de Ravin), instructing her to find Gold and tell him that Regina has held her captive all this time.

Mary Margaret (Ginnifer Goodwin) reads the conclusion of Snow White and Prince Charming’s tale while in Fairytale Land, it plays out in real time. With true love’s kiss, the most powerful thing in the world, Snow and Charming reinvigorate the entire land. It appears Storybrooke won’t have the same ending, though, because as she concludes the tale, Henry dies.

But there is more than one kind of true love, and when Emma kisses her dead son, Henry wakes up – and so do all of the displaced storybook people living in a world with no magic.

Regina is horribly upset at the loss of her son, seemingly even unconcerned that suddenly everyone in Storybrooke wants her dead. But Henry’s alive, and Emma has broken the curse. There are some lovely moments as this takes place, but my favorite (and I’m sure yours too) is the tear-inducing reunion of Prince Charming and Snow White. The writers have done such a fantastic job with their backstory, their love story, that seeing them finally awakened and back in one another’s arms is one of the most beautiful moments I’ve seen on network television.

The last scene (and honestly, the only part of the finale that didn’t sit 100% well with me), features Belle going to Mr. Gold. He’s thrilled to see her alive, obviously, but drags her into the woods for an unknown purpose. As they reach the magic well that August (Eion Bailey, who turned completely to wood while voicing his belief in Emma) showed us earlier in the season – the one with the ability to return what was once lost – she remembers who he is, and that she loves him. He loves her too, but as with a previous version of himself, Belle’s love is not enough for Rumplestilskin. He dumps the true love potion into the well, and it returns a purple fog that races over Storybrooke – returning magic into this world.

I love the twist, and that we’re left to wonder what this means for all of our characters next season, but I’m a little confused what Gold’s motivation is, exactly. We’ve seen him as a selfish creature obsessed with magic in Fairytale Land, but have been led to believe that he’s become a man who regrets the mistakes he’s made, who believes that magic is what ruined his life, who wishes he had a chance to do it all over again and set things right.

But now, with that chance within his grasp – the curse broken, his one true love returned to him – he brings back magic, the very thing that corrupted him. He gives power back to Regina, who could have been caught and punished for her crimes.

On one hand, it’s hard to believe he would do that. On the other, maybe it’s not.  Magic has always been his Achilles heel, the one thing he can’t resist even though it’s ruining everything, and in this sense I believe it’s akin to the effect of absolute power on the lives of so many. It’s heady, and hard to imagine living without now that he knows what it’s like to live with it. Maybe he thinks he’s changed enough to control it, to not allow the power of magic to corrupt him again, but I think he’s got a long way to go.

I also think, as we move forward, we’ll see that Henry, Emma, Charming, and Snow have never been the heroes of this piece. It’s him. Rumplestilskin’s journey from rags to riches (power), his downfall, and his beleaguered and stumbling search for redemption is the focus of this tale.

I, for one, can’t wait to take it with the kind of writers who can bring us a finale like this.

Season 1, Episode 22 “A Land Without Magic” (originally aired May 13, 2012)

Once Upon A Time airs Sunday nights at 8/7c on ABC.

Images courtesy of David Gray and ABC.

There were two story lines this week, Klaus and Pre-Elena.

Let’s start with Klaus, shall we? I definitely know that I’m in the minority when I tell you that I’m totally in love with Klaus. Epically bad taste I know, but I’m totally down for a wounded soul. So last week’s episode when Damon and crew decided to turn on their maker and paralyzed him into a vampire catatonic state was not one of the brightest spots of my day. Let’s push aside for the moment that he was totally about to kill Elena. He was just playing with her, I’m sure he didn’t mean it and every other excuse we give to make deplorable actions of those we love minor child’s play. So when last week it appeared that the gang had managed to get rid of Klaus once and for all I was PISSED and ready to write them all off until his safe return. And we get that this week in a highly unsatisfactory manner.

Klaus is the main focal point of this episode seeing as how everyone’s either looking for him or trying to destroy him. At the moment Klaus is currently resting in the back of a van driven by Stefan and Damon out of town. The brothers can’t really kill Klaus because of that whole creator thing. Klaus last week informed them that he was their maker and so extinguishing him would kill them, as well. The brothers for some reason buy this immediately, even though I think it’s just another self-preservation lie among so many already told. Perhaps it’s fear that he’s right, or the knowledge that they can’t prove that he’s wrong, but instead of staking him they’ve decided to hide his body out in storage.

While they’re doing that we’re getting acquainted with Pre-Elena. Pre-Elena is the Elena before all the vampire happenings in Mystic Falls; three years ago, when she was still happy and normal and her biggest problem was how she was going to dump sweet, but totally not right for her, Matt. In a turn of fortunes, last week Elena ended the episode bloody and passed out on the floor, with what Dr. Fell tells Jeremy is a mild “concussion.” After calling Stefan and Damon, who chide Jeremy for his bonehead move to take Elena to the hospital instead of calling them, Elena’s checked out right before her concerned guardian Alaric comes to visit. But it’s very much out of the frying pan into the fire when as soon as she gets home she gets a visit from Elijah who wants his brother back. Elena asks why with all the bad blood between them, Elijah wants to risk himself to get Klaus. Elijah answers simply, “He’s my brother. We remain together.”

Stefan, who’s ditched Klaus duty, and Damon, by phone, vote no on turning Klaus over even though Elijah (Daniel Gillies) promises to not release Klaus during Elena’s lifetime. But Elena, more concerned with disarming Alaric of the stake that could kill all the vampires she loves, agrees. So their plan: turn over Klaus to his siblings who will then leave Mystic Falls forever, taking the crazed Alaric along with them.

Along with this, Elena’s trying to deal with deciding between the Salvatores. We all know that years ago, Stefan was the one who pulled Elena from the car accident that claimed her parents’ lives. Elena remembers that too, and it seems from the moment that she ran into Stefan again there’s been this connection there. She’s not indebted to him, but as she tells Matt, loving him made her love her life again. And after all, isn’t that how love’s supposed to be? But as much as she’d like to, Elena can’t discount what she feels for Damon, but emotions that just “consume her” can’t be enough.

Three years ago…

Elena ditches a family night with her parents to hang out at a bonfire with Matt and Caroline. After a fight with Matt, who wants some assurance on their future, Elena calls up her parents for a pickup. Elena’s unwilling to tell Matt that she’s just not feeling him so ends up walking a lonely road where she meets one Damon Salvatore (Ian Somerhalder). Damon seems a little struck during their meeting and their conversation is soft in a way that we rarely see from him. Elena reveals her boyfriend problems exacerbated by the fact that she doesn’t know what she wants. Damon tells her that he knows exactly what she wants: a love that “consumes you” and he wishes that for her. But for now, it’s best that no one knows that he’s in town. He compels her to forget they ever met.

…

Present day

They bait the trap for Alaric by having Jeremy, whose concern with getting his sister back to a somewhat normal life is overriding all else this week, call up Alaric and leading a false trail to where Klaus is hidden. The plan is that Stefan and Elijah will work together to steal the stake from Alaric while Rebecca meets with Damon to trade Klaus. Alaric seems to take the bait but instead of heading out to the woods, Alaric uses his connections in town to find Damon at the storage facility. Before Alaric can get to Klaus, Rebecca and Damon prepare to sneak Klaus out, but their plan fails and Alaric catches them and stakes Klaus, much to Rebecca, Damon, and my complete horror.

-Side note- I hate you Alaric. Hate you. You’ve got to go. I don’t care about all he’s done in the past, he killed Klaus and I’ll never forgive him for it. I suppose I could be glad that he took that bullet for the Salvatores. I would hate to hold a grudge against the both of them. I can be a little calmer knowing that they weren’t responsible for taking him away from me. –End note-

Seeing Rebecca and Alaric’s grief over Klaus’ death is very touching. Yes, they didn’t get along with him, and had bad blood that even centuries couldn’t clear but when it came down to it they loved Klaus, he was their family and that’s all that mattered. While Klaus was so consumed with building this alternative family in his hybrids, he completely missed over the family that was right in front of him. It breaks my heart that he spent so long searching for something that he had right in front of him. And he will never get that chance to see it, all because of Alaric…

Alaric’s (Matthew Davis) been a busy boy this week. Not only is he steadfastly searching for Klaus, he made time to visit his former sweetheart Dr. Fell at the hospital and give her walking orders. No, he doesn’t quite have the authority to fire her, but once he let it slip to the medical board that the good doctor’s been cheating by giving her patients vampire blood to help them heal, her medical license gets yanked and she’s persona non grata in the new anti-vampire town. Alaric also outed Caroline (Candice Accola) and Tyler (Michael Trevino) as vampires/werewolf, so now their parents are in disgrace and Caro and Tyler are told by their concerned mothers that they have to disappear to save their lives. Caroline refuses to leave with her friends still in jeopardy but promises that once this is all over she’ll go anywhere with Tyler. Saying this, of course, you know it’s going to end badly.

When Klaus is staked it sends a panic through everyone who tries to console themselves with the fact that their death is imminent. Tyler goes into some strange seizure thing and sends Caroline out because he doesn’t want her to see him die. Elena has to choose between seeing Stefan or Damon one last time. She calls Damon to tell him goodbye, she’s going to see Stefan. She chooses him. Elena tells Damon that no matter what she feels for him, she fell for Stefan immediately and will never unlove him. She gives him that whole, ‘maybe if we had met first’ speech that’s sure to do nothing to patch his broken heart as she drives toward his brother. I’m sure that the bitter memory that they did in fact meet first does little to help this moment.

Stefan, along with Rebecca and Elijah, are on death watch; they’re waiting for Stefan to die. Meanwhile, Stefan rationalizes that maybe Klaus didn’t sire him at all. Rebecca and Elijah are sure that Klaus did, and befuddled about why it’s taking so long for Stefan to extinguish. But it doesn’t really matter because now that Klaus is dead Rebecca refuses to honor any deal that they’ve made. She goes after Elena, who’s driving back to Mystic Falls with Matt and on the same bridge where her parents died, Rebecca stands in the road sending Matt off the bridge to avoid her.

One question; why doesn’t anyone do something about this bridge? Elena’s parents died on it, Elena almost died on it playing chicken with Stefan, and here we go again with Elena and Matt driving off the side. You would think the Town Council, when not busy covering for the vamps would do something to keep their human population alive, if only as a steady food source for their resident vampires. That’s just bad town management I say.

Anyway, if you’re still wondering why the boys aren’t dead when Klaus is the head of their vampire family that’s because Klaus isn’t dead. Witch Bonnie (Kat Graham) did some sort of spell putting Klaus in Tyler’s body, so Klaus is very much alive though apparently only Bonnie knows it. Klaus warns Bonnie that the spirits won’t be happy with her, but Bonnie’s tired of being pushed around by everyone so she did what she wanted to do; keeping Klaus alive saves Caroline, her mom, and Elena who would be lost without Stefan and Damon.

So Stefan’s still alive to jump into the river after Matt and Elena tumble into it. Stefan tries to save Elena, but she insists that he save Matt first. By the time Stefan comes back for her Elena is dead. We know this because not only is she out of breath but Alaric, who’s currently fighting Damon, drops dead. Damon realizes what’s happening and its meaning and tries to will Alaric/Elena to live. But it’s too late, she’s dead. In the aftermath Damon goes to the hospital to see Elena where Dr. Fell reveals that when Elena was first admitted, her injuries were worse than she let on to Jeremy. They were so severe that the good doctor gave Elena some vampire blood to help her. And help her it does, because just then Elena’s eyes pop open. She lives.

The implications of this are huge. Is Elena a vampire now? How will that affect her relationship with Stefan and Damon? If she is a vampire, I think that makes her a little more fitting for Damon. Elena’s transformation over the past four years (one off screen) is an underlying force in this episode. Yeah, it seems to be all about the hunt for Klaus, but under the surface Elena’s transformation as a character is a wallop of a task that slowly barrels into you as the episode progresses and ends with an earthshattering wham that threatens everything.

More relevant questions: Is Tyler dead? I don’t think so. As much as I love that Klaus is technically still alive I would really rather prefer that he’d be dead rather than hiding in Tyler’s body. Because 1. I’ll miss seeing Joseph Morgan every week, 2. I’m pretty sure that somewhere down the line a Klaus/Tyler body sharing battle will ensue and 3. Klaus will lose, and I’ll have to say goodbye to him all over again. And I don’t want to deal with that. They’re just prolonging my pain. I guess it’s just like life; you have to take it one day at a time. So the future of Season 4 looks bright, Klaus is still around, Stefan and Damon are alive, and whatever’s going on with Elena promises to be game changing. Yeah, the future is bright.

Season 3, Episode 23: “The Departed” (original airdate May 10, 2012.)

The Vampire Diaries returns to The CW this fall.

Images courtesy of Blake Tyers, Annette Brown, and The CW.

“Revolution” — Our entire way of life depends on electricity. So what would happen if it just stopped working? Well, one day, like a switch turned off, the world is suddenly thrust back into the dark ages. Planes fall from the sky, hospitals shut down, and communication is impossible. And without any modern technology, who can tell us why?  Now, 15 years later, life is back to what it once was long before the industrial revolution: families living in quiet cul-de-sacs, and when the sun goes down lanterns and candles are lit. Life is slower and sweeter. Or is it?  On the fringes of small farming communities, danger lurks. And a young woman’s life is dramatically changed when a local militia arrives and kills her father, who mysteriously – and unbeknownst to her – had something to do with the blackout. This brutal encounter sets her and two unlikely companions off on a daring coming-of-age journey to find answers about the past in the hopes of reclaiming the future.  From director Jon Favreau (“Iron Man,” “Iron Man 2″) and the fertile imaginations of J.J. Abrams (“Lost,” “Person of Interest”) and Eric Kripke (“Supernatural”), comes a surprising “what if” action-adventure series, where an unlikely hero will lead the world out of the dark. Literally. The series stars Billy Burke (“The Twilight Saga”), Tracy Spiridakos (“Being Human”), Anna Lise Phillips (“Terra Nova”), Zak Orth (“Romeo + Juliet”), Graham Rogers (“Memphis Beat”), J.D. Pardo (“A Cinderella Story”),  Giancarlo Esposito (“Breaking Bad”), David Lyons (“The Cape”), Maria Howell (“The Blind Side”), Tim Guinee (“Iron Man”) and Andrea Roth (“Rescue Me”).  Kripke, Abrams, Favreau and Bryan Burk (“Lost,” “Star Trek”) serve as executive producers.  “Revolution” is produced by Bonanza Productions Inc. in association with Bad Robot Productions, Kripke Enterprises and Warner Bros. Television.  The pilot was directed by Favreau.

“Chicago Fire” — No job is more stressful, dangerous or exhilarating than those of the Firefighters, Rescue Squad and Paramedics of Chicago Firehouse 51. These are America’s everyday heroes — the courageous men and women who forge headfirst into danger when everyone else is running the other way. But the enormous responsibilities of the job also take a personal toll. Big reputations and hefty egos, coupled with the pressure to perform and make split-second decisions, are bound to put squad members at odds. When a tragedy claims one of their own, there’s plenty of guilt and blame to go around. In the middle of a divorce, Lt. Matthew Casey (Jesse Spencer, “House M.D.”) tries to go about business as usual but can’t help butting heads with the brash Lt. Kelly Severide (Taylor Kinney, “The Vampire Diaries”) of the Rescue Squad – and each blames the other for their fallen team member.  When it’s “go-time” though, they put aside their differences and put everything on the line for each other. “Chicago Fire” is a look inside one of America’s noblest professions.

“Go On” — Misery loves company. Unless you’re sportscaster Ryan King (Matthew Perry, “Friends,” “Mr. Sunshine”) who thinks misery should just be left alone. After taking some time off, Ryan – who recently lost his wife in a car accident – is now ready to get back to work. And while he seems like his same old charming, cocky self, his boss won’t set him back on the air until he seeks counseling. So, Ryan reluctantly joins a support group with one goal in mind: get in, get out and get back on the radio as quickly as possible. Played by the fast-talking, sarcastic, and charismatic Perry, Ryan gives grief a real run for its money. Within one day of group therapy, he hijacks the meeting and suddenly the downtrodden are cajoled into playing a game of “who’s got the best sob story?” And in no time all of them are battling it out, trying to one-up each other’s despair. Now, this is fun! Ryan’s total lack of interest in healing might be just what this group needs – and maybe, exactly what he needs to move on with his life.

“The New Normal” — These days, families come in all forms – single dads, double moms, sperm donors, egg donors, one-night-stand donors… It’s 2012 and anything goes. Bryan (Andrew Rannells, “Girls,” “The Book of Mormon”) and David (Justin Bartha, “The Hangover”) are a Beverly Hills couple and they have it all. Well, almost. With successful careers and a committed and loving partnership, the one thing missing is a baby. And just when they think the stars will never align, enter Goldie (Georgia King, “One Day”), an extraordinary young woman with a checkered past. A Midwestern waitress and single mother looking to escape her dead-end life and small-minded grandmother (Ellen Barkin, “Ocean’s Thirteen”), Goldie decides to change everything and move to L.A. with her precocious 8-year-old daughter.  Desperate and broke – but also fertile – Goldie quickly becomes the guys’ surrogate and quite possibly the girl of their dreams.  Surrogate mother, surrogate family.

“Animal Practice” — Meet Dr. George Coleman (Justin Kirk, “Weeds”), a top-dog New York veterinarian. With an unorthodox style of operating, George’s success comes from his undeniable gift with animals of all kinds. That is, all but the human kind. Dorothy Crane once held the key to George’s heart, but today she also holds the key to the family business as she takes over Crane Animal Hospital.  Not only is she George’s new boss, but her romantic history with him and her lack of experience with animals is seriously cramping his style.  Dorothy is whip-smart and ambitious, and she’s going to make George pay for the past.  Needless to say, he’s determined not to make any changes in his (animal) kingdom — which includes poker games with a resident capuchin monkey.  Also starring are Tyler Labine (“Reaper,” “Sons of Tucson”) as Dr. Doug Jackson, a vet who’s great with animals but hapless in matters of the heart, Bobby Lee (“Harold & Kumar”) as Dr. Yamamoto, and newcomer Betsy Sodaro as Angela.

“Guys with Kids” — From Emmy winner and executive producer Jimmy Fallon comes a new comedy about three thirty-something dads trying to hold on to their youth, while holding onto their new babies’ hands.  Easy, right?  Thankfully, Chris (Jesse Bradford, “The West Wing”), Nick (Zach Cregger, “Friends with Benefits”) and Gary (Anthony Anderson, “Law & Order”) have each other to help navigate their survival as new dads, while still trying desperately to remain dudes. Balancing work or staying at home, painfully married or happily divorced, they know that taking care of the little ones while maintaining a social life is a daily challenge. Whether it’s hosing the little squirt down in the kitchen sink or hitting the bar strapped with a baby björn, these guys are on a roller-coaster adventure – parenting like you (and they) have never seen before.  Also starring are Jamie Lynn Sigler (“The Sopranos”) and Tempestt Bledsoe (“The Cosby Show”).  Someone once said it is much easier to become a father than to be one. These three guys are about to find out just how true that is.

“Save Me” — Welcome to the Midwestern suburbs, where exciting things never happen. Well, almost never.  After a near-death experience (choking on a hero sandwich), Beth (Emmy nominee Anne Heche, “Hung”) is revived only to realize she now has a direct line to God. Of course, her husband Tom (Michael Landes, “Final Destination 2″) is skeptical and dismissive – and his mistress (Alexandra Breckenridge, “American Horror Story”) is stunned to learn that her lover’s wife is now a prophet!  But when inexplicable things begin to happen, everyone’s beliefs are tested. Beth starts to say and do things that shock her family and entrance her friends, but she isn’t going to be your typical “fire and brimstone” prophet. Let’s just say, if God had a desperate housewife as His mouthpiece, Beth would be it!  She is the absolute last person on Earth who would be chosen. Then again, they say He works in mysterious ways. And this one is a real mystery! Heather Burns (“Bored to Death”) and Madison Davenport (“Shameless”) also star.

“1600 Penn” — The Gilchrists are just the average American family dealing with all the everyday issues – like a grown kid who’s forced to move back home, children who are smarter than their teachers and a stepmom (Jenna Elfman, “Dharma and Greg”) desperately trying to win over the kids. They’re loving, fun and a little crazy. In other words, just like everybody else. With one exception: they live in a very special house. The White House! Whether it’s entertaining foreign dignitaries, sneaking away for a night out, dealing with middle school crushes or putting out fires – figuratively and sometimes literally – there’s never a dull moment in the Gilchrist White House. For example, the First Son (Josh Gad, star of Broadway sensation “The Book of Mormon”) is one of the administration’s biggest liabilities, but also the glue that holds this family together. The President (Bill Pullman, “Independence Day,” “While You Were Sleeping”) knows too well that the only thing harder than being Head of State is being head of the family.

“Next Caller” — What happens when a foulmouthed satellite radio DJ – played by the multi-platinum selling artist and outrageously charming Dane Cook (“My Best Friend’s Girl”) – is forced to share the mic with a chipper NPR feminist?  It’s anyone’s call in this sharp new comedy from producer Stephen Falk (“Weeds”) and Emmy-winning director Marc Buckland (“Grimm,” “My Name Is Earl”). It’s her first day in New York City, and 26-year-old Stella Hoobler (Collette Wolfe, “Young Adult”) is ready to take on the world.  After a stint on public radio, she’s been hired to co-host the no-holds-barred show “Booty Calls with Cam Dunne.” Smart, spunky and passionate, Stella is determined to elevate the show beyond its boy’s-club-locker-room humor into a respected debate about men, women and the state of human relationships. But there’s a problem: Cam!  She’s going to find out the hard way that he’s got no intention of sharing the spotlight, especially with someone like her. It’s going to be a tense fight, but with the station’s one rule being “make some noise,” Cam and Stella could be a winning combination – as long as they don’t knock each other out on their way to success.

“Do No Harm” — Dr. Jason Cole (Steven Pasquale, “Rescue Me”) is a highly respected neurosurgeon who has it all – a lucrative career, confident charm, the gift of compassion. But he also has a deep, dark secret. One morning when he wakes up disoriented in a wrecked hotel room amidst several near-naked women he’s never seen before, he knows one thing: it’s happening again. Every night at the same hour, something inside Jason changes, leaving him almost unrecognizable – seductive, devious, borderline sociopathic. This new man is his dangerous alternate personality who goes by the name of ‘Ian Price.’ For years he’s battled Ian, keeping him in check with a powerful experimental sedative.  But now his – their – body has developed a resistance to the serum, setting Ian free once again. And to make matters worse, after being suppressed for so long, Ian’s hell-bent on taking revenge on his oppressor. With everyone Jason cares about at risk – patients, friends, coworkers and even the woman he loves – he’s got to stop Ian once and for all. Will they find some common ground, or will they bring each other down? Hell hath no fury like an alter ego scorned.

“Infamous” — When wealthy socialite and notorious party girl Vivian Bowers is found dead of an overdose, no one is really surprised.  The heiress to the Bowers pharmaceutical empire has been tabloid fodder for years: wild, pretty, privileged… and now dead at the age of 32.  But for FBI agent Will Moreno (Laz Alonso, “Avatar”), things don’t add up with this suspicious dynasty.  Convinced that the troubled girl’s death was a homicide, he has a clever plan to get to the truth.  Her name is Detective Joanna Locasto (Meagan Good, “Think Like a Man”).  Twenty years ago she was Vivian’s best friend and practically grew up inside the Bowers’ home.  And when she appears at Vivian’s funeral, the family re-embraces her and no one is the wiser.  Joanna quickly begins to uncover dark secrets and clues about why Vivian’s life was very much in danger.  At the same time, she rekindles an old romantic relationship and rediscovers the allure of the luxurious lifestyle she once knew.  She’s about to see once again just how the other half lives… and dies.

]]> http://poptimal.com/2012/05/first-look-at-nbcs-new-shows/feed/ 0 http://poptimal.com/2012/05/nbc-announces-2012-13-fall-tv-schedule/ http://poptimal.com/2012/05/nbc-announces-2012-13-fall-tv-schedule/#comments Sun, 13 May 2012 21:18:03 +0000 Bilal Mian http://poptimal.com/?p=78094 NBC has announced their primetime television schedule for the Fall 2012-13 schedule. Some noticeable changes include the move of Whitney and fan favorite Community to Friday nights as a lead in for Grimm.  The network has also decided to bench Smash till Midseason where it will air with no breaks week to week.

NBC FALL 2012-13 SCHEDULE
*New programs in UPPER CASE; all times ET)

MONDAY
8-10 p.m. – “The Voice”
10-11 p.m. – “REVOLUTION”

TUESDAY
8-9 p.m. –”The Voice”
9-9:30 p.m. – “GO ON”
9:30-10 p.m. – “THE NEW NORMAL”
10-11 p.m. – “Parenthood”

WEDNESDAY
8-8:30 p.m. – “ANIMAL PRACTICE”
8:30-9 p.m. – “GUYS WITH KIDS”
9-10 p.m. – “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit”
10-11 p.m. – “CHICAGO FIRE”

THURSDAY
8-8:30 p.m. – “30 Rock”
8:30-9 p.m. – “Up All Night”
9-9:30 p.m. – “The Office”
9:30-10 p.m. – “Parks and Recreation”
10-11 p.m. – “Rock Center with Brian Williams”

FRIDAY
8-8:30 p.m. – “Whitney”
8:30-9 p.m. – “Community”
9-10 p.m. – “Grimm”
10-11 p.m. – “Dateline NBC”

SATURDAY
Encore programming

SUNDAY (Fall 2012)
7- 8:15 p.m. — “Football Night in America”
8:15-11:30 p.m. — “NBC Sunday Night Football”

SUNDAY (Post-football/Winter 2013)
7-8 p.m. – “Dateline NBC”
8-9 p.m. – “Fashion Star”
9-10 p.m. – “The Celebrity Apprentice”
10-11 p.m. – “DO NO HARM”

Speaking of Cas, he’s still not all there. While he’s regained his memory and feels sorry for what he did, he’s become fairly apathetic to the whole thing. I guess after everything he’s gone through, you’d either go crazy forever or just make yourself stop caring in order to cope. In any case he’s best friends with Meg now, and they make quite the odd couple.

Kevin (Osric Chau) gets taken by Edgar, and Dick (James Patrick Stewart) has him translate the text again in exchange for his mom’s life. Once they find out it’s a recipe to kill them, Edgar is dispatched to take care of it.

Sam (Jared Padalecki) and Dean (Jensen Ackles) summon Crowley, who tells them that he’ll help, but he wants to wait until the boys have all of the ingredients before he makes his donation. The king is a little paranoid, and they still need the blood of an alpha monster and the bone of a human, as pure as Leviathans are evil. Crowley let’s them know that the only alpha that survived was the vampire, and gives them the location of where they can begin their hunt.

They eventually make their way to Missoula, MT after one of the alpha’s special virgin blood doner slash daughter leads them to his summer house, which backfires due to her bad case of Stockholm syndrome. The Alpha is expecting them and can’t believe that his good friend Dick Roman would double cross him. But the evidence is hard to dismiss, with vampires dying when they ingest blood tainted with additives from Leviathan created mass produced food.

Edgar shows up, so Alpha decides to give him the benefit of the doubt. Since they are kind of like kin right? But Edgar doesn’t think so. In fact he goes on to tell Alpha Vamp that his mother was a whore. Ouch. So it finally gets through his thick vampire skull that he’s being double crossed, and just before Edgar is able to kill him, Sam and Dean come to the rescue. Alpha finally decides to give his blood to get rid of the now common enemy. He’ll see them next season (because Supernatural has been renewed for season 8!).

Sam and Dean head back to their motel to find Bobby gone after they had locked the flask in the room safe. Bobby got so pissed that he possessed one of the chambermaids and walked himself out, presumably to go after Dick.

Dick has summoned Crowley and has him under a very fancy devil’s trap, keeping him nice and safe and out of the Winchesters’ grasp. I wonder if demons can resist being summoned, though, since there appears to be a fairly good chance they’ll get trapped in the aftermath. Seems safer not to bother showing up in the first place.

While this episode moved things along and has given the boys some semblance of a game plan, it feels kind of anticlimactic. I may recant my initial reaction, which was relief at having Bobby (Jim Beaver) back again, because him being a ghost and the possibility of Sam and Dean having to exorcise him takes a little of the grandeur of his sacrifice away. The more I think about it, it’s also disappointing that Dick’s Big Bad Plan was to just eliminate the competition and have an endless supply of tasty food.

Give me the apocalypse any day, because at least there you had intense drama of brother versus brother and angel versus angel. In comparison, this is kind of boring. That said, the writers haven’t let me down yet so there must be some twist in next week’s season finale that will blow the mind. Here’s hoping.

Season 7, Episode 22: There Will Be Blood (originally aired May 11, 2012)

Supernatural airs Friday nights at 8/7c on The CW

Images courtesy of Jeff Weddell and The CW

As we learned several weeks ago, William Bell (Leonard Nimoy) is alive, and pulling the strings behind the ‘let’s collapse both universes and make a better one’ plan. On part 1 of the finale, Astrid (Jasika Nicole) was shot and Bell took Walter away to his little ship of horrors (or, as Peter refers to it, his ark – teehee). Friday night’s part 2 began with Olivia and Peter getting a frantic phone call from Jessica (Rebecca Mader), who says she feels as though she’s been followed since leaving their lab. You’ll remember she’s the redhead that Olivia saved using her powers last week, the one who touched the escalator and then almost combusted.

As the shot pans out, we see September (Michael Cerveris), our favorite Observer, in the house with Jessica. As he tries to follow her into the other room, however, he notices his feet are stuck in place. A strange symbol, like the ones favored by the cult creating new hybrid creatures (and that we now know is spearheaded by William Bell) is painted onto the floor. When Olivia (Anna Torv) and Peter (Joshua Jackson) arrive, they find no Jessica, and no Observer, just a circular hole in the floor where he was previously.

The plot begins to move as they get a call from Broyles (Lance Reddick), telling them Astrid has been found and is in the hospital, at which point they also realize that no one knows where Walter (John Noble) has gotten off to. Astrid is magically okay after taking a bullet to the back of the chest, and tells the team that she and Walter were at a warehouse on the waterfront looking for William Bell. When Olivia and Peter make the trek down there, they find September being held hostage by Jessica, who shoots him in the chest with a specially designed gun. The bullets whip out too fast for even the genetically advanced Observer to catch, but not too fast for Olivia, who is growing more powerful by the minute as the cortexiphan in her blood activates and intensifies. She accidentally bounces the bullets back at Jessica, killing their only link to William Bell and finding Walter.

Oh yeah, and saving two universes.

By calling Nina (Blair Brown) in to question the mostly dead Jessica in an uber creepy, eye-twitchy scene, they learn Bell has found the alternate energy source he needs to collapse the worlds. It’s Olivia. I definitely didn’t see that coming until about thirty seconds before they said it, so nicely done there. The revelation sets up both the Observer’s prophecy that in all possible futures, Olivia has to die, and the cliffhanger from the future episode in which Walter says they can never forgive Bell for “what he did to Olivia.”

The question for me is, will Olivia have the balls to kill herself, knowing she’s fated to be the destruction of the world? We have to wait and see, because whatever Olivia is, she’s not the type of girl to give in before exploring all possible options. If they can find and stop Bell, then maybe she won’t have to sacrifice herself.

In a heart stopping scene, in which the team is in a helicopter above open water, Nina realizes the freighter carrying William Bell has crossed into the alternate universe. Which means Peter can see it, but no one else can, a fact that sets up an ultimate display of trust for he and Olivia. He can see the freighter, and her abilities can help them onto it, but both has to trust the other to do their part. It works, landing our super couple on Bell’s ship of horrors with only moments to spare.

Bell has been spouting crazy man talk to Walter about the new world he’ll create, and how it is their duty to reshape the earth because they have the intelligence and power to do so. He also reveals that the idea was originally Walter’s, which is the reason they cut out that piece of his brain all those years ago. When Olivia and Peter crash the party,Bell makes states killing him will not stop what has already begun, due to the enormous amounts of unstoppable energy coming off of Olivia.

It’s completely clear to me – and has been for at least the last twenty minutes of the episode – that Olivia is going to have to die. Peter loves her too much to do it, so I had guessed that she would see what needs to happen and kill herself.

I was wrong.

In perhaps the only shocking moment of the night, Walter turns and shoots Olivia in the center of her forehead. Bell disappears as the conflation of the worlds immediately ceases without our girl to power it. Peter is distraught, of course, but pulls himself moderately together as Walter tells him they could still save his love. Due to the cortexiphan in her system, her brain can heal itself if they get the bullet out, which they do.

One of the best things about Fringe is this: Olivia could have died. Unlike so many shows, where we feel as though the main characters are “safe” from mortal harm, it’s not so in the Fringe universe. I didn’t think they would kill her, but honestly? I wasn’t a hundred percent sure.

In the hospital, Olivia tells Peter she’s pregnant. Broyles is promoted to General, Nina Sharp is hired as the Fringe Division’s head of science.

The finale ends with September visiting Walter in the lab, urging him to warn the Fringe team that the “others” are coming.

The moments between Peter and Olivia made this episode work. Their chemistry, their devotion to one another, just leaps off the screen and straight into our hearts. Her struggling to tell him she’s pregnant, and his subsequent reaction to the news, had my heart pounding like a bongo drum, even though I knew what was coming. I don’t want to take anything away from what they brought to those moments with what I’m about to say next.

Although I loved the episode set in the future a few weeks ago as a self-contained idea, it effectively stole all of the tension from the final weeks. The components of the two-part finale that should have been shocking – the return of William Bell, Olivia’s pregnancy, the fact that the other Observers are coming to wage war on the present – weren’t at all. We knew William Bell was alive, that Olivia and Peter have a daughter, and that the future is a grim place overrun with immoral Observers. So those moments when the music and the writing and the long pauses wanted me to suck in my breath and go ‘oh my what I didn’t see that coming’… didn’t work. It all felt kind of ho-hum, to be honest.

In addition to the way they spoiled their own finale, I just don’t buy William Bell as the crazy guy. I don’t. There’s no setup, no hints, no background. The man Walter and Nina remember is nothing like this psychotic willing to sacrifice millions of people to be a god. We need some context if it’s to be believable. I realize people are going to disagree with me on this, but it’s how I feel.

I’m hoping Season 5 brings us some new questions, and not just the live action version of how the Observers infiltrate and conquer the present. I hope we get to see more of the alternate world, and perhaps even see the bridge reopened in the months to come. And of course, I hope they find a way to save the future from its grim fate, and that Olivia and Peter survive to raise their daughter.

As opposed to the previous Fringe finales, when we’re left on crazy cliffhangers that leave our brains working on potential outcomes for the long summer months ahead, this one presented no questions or answers, not really. It didn’t give us much of anything except a couple of Emmy-worthy performances from our romantic leads, but I suppose this time, that’s going to have to be enough.

Season 4, Episode 22 “A Brave New World Part 2” (originally aired May 11, 2012)

Fringe airs Friday nights at 9/8c on Fox.

Images courtesy of Fox.

Members of worldwide geek culture as well as those longing for the hilarious hijinks of that awesome era when comedic movies reigned, aka the 80’s, should be thrilled to know that indie filmmakers Chris Blundell and Jordan Fuller share the nostalgia. The artistic duo hailing from the UK have embarked on a pioneering journey to create the first ever feature animated film comprised entirely from pixel animation, giving their movie that sweet, old school, 8-bit video game look, while at the same time paying homage to the quintessential comedies that made the eighties the priceless period that it was. While they’re clearly going for a fun and unique style here, it won’t be without its modern aspects as the animation process will still incorporate flecks of HD and 3D components along with a jokey script.

The project in place, titled The Hit Squad, is described by its creators as Family Guy/Nintendo/Spinal Tap concoction and follows the story of Roddy Stones and his nearly defunct band as they try to crawl out of their eighties rut to raise a cool million to save their studio from falling into the hands of their rivals.  Together, the band battles to create the next big album and rocket them back to success all while satirically tackling life’s every day conflicts. And like any good video game inspired event, everything leads up to the big “Boss” battle at the end.

Blundell and Fuller, or the Super Pixel Brothers as they’re known in the YouTube realm, are in no way novices to the world of animation. Their online animated comedy shorts have earned them over 1,400 subscribers and in a place that is oversaturated with content ranging from the good to the absolutely horrific, the boys should be proud to have amassed themselves a solid fanbase. However, The Hit Squad is a little bit of an advanced endeavor here. The vision has taken time to fully materialize, as with any well thought out idea, and after five years of formulating, The Hit Squad was finally introduced in a teaser trailer on May 8^th.

Like they say, Rome wasn’t built in a day, but the second part of that adage they neglect to mention was the price tag. Film making is a process that tends to be ruled by the almighty dollar and, in a somewhat ironic way, it’s become an art-imitating-life situation as the producing duo are currently struggling to raise about $25,000 to get the film in motion. Anytime a creative idea is brought to light, I guarantee you that someone, somewhere, can come up with a way to alter the details and for that reason precisely Blundell, Fuller and their team have called it quits on looking for big studio funding and have instead been relying solely on the public for a little help by way of indiegogo.com. Creating a donation campaign on the world funding platform not only allows them to keep their creativity in tact but at the same time it’s a great way to involve the fans. For a little cash, supporters can receive “perks” from the crew ranging anywhere from free dvds and posters to movie premiere tickets to an animated role in the film and beyond. Spending a modest five bucks will get you recognition on their website as well as a credit on the comedy’s imdb.com page. But for the all of you big spenders out there with an extra $5,000 lying around, your donation will earn you a place as an executive producer for the film and, I must admit, that sounds pretty badass.

The Hit Squad is on a successful marketing rampage to get their likeness out there citing several outlets you can use to eventually view the movie such as Hulu, Netflix, and various UK cinemas to name a few. They’re well on their way to raising the necessary capital with an expectant release date of late November this year but they still need your help. Check out their site and trailer at ILoveTheHitSquad.com along with their online crowdfunding campaign at indiegogo.com/thehitsquad and see how you can be a part of pixelated history.

The Dictator Junket was what you’d expect it to be for a Sacha Baron Cohen movie — ridiculous, over the top, and full of laughs. Broken up into two panels, one featuring Sir Ben Kingsley and Jason Montzaukas and the other featuring Admiral General Aladeen, the cast shared laughs about the film’s crazier moments. Here are the Top 10 Moments from the junket.

10.  Beard Wig Testing
You’d think picking a beard would be a simple task for a movie, but according to Montzaukas there was an entire process behind it. ”I remember one day we finished 14 hours of something absurd. I was so excited. ‘I’m gonna go home, I’m gonna get hammered, and I’m gonna crash,’ and he’s (Sacha Baron Cohen) all we’re about to do four hours of wet wig testing, where they came in and tested all these different types of beard wigs.”

9. How does one research a role for The Dictator?
One would expect that for a movie like The Dictator, most actors would just show up and read lines off the script, but according to Ben Kingsley there was a lot of research out there for his role.

Kingsley: You just need to look at the current news footage of these terrifying guys. Behind Ghaddafi, behind Saddam, just behind them is the man in the dark glasses. He’s corrupt; he’s wheeling and dealing, arms dealing, oil dealing, and mineral’s rights dealing. He cares very little about his own country or the well being of his own people and is probably related to the dictator himself… I could recognize my character from so many sources — newsreel, stills, photographs, scraps of documentary evidence that would come our way. I just knew that this guy has always existed and does exist right now.

Montzaukas: I started researching a lot of homemade bombs and nuclear devices, which has put me on some watch lists.

Press: Do you think you have it done?

Montzaukas: Noooo, nooooo, noooo……*whispers and winks* I do.

8. Did Sir Ben Kingsley enjoy his kiss with Sacha Baron Cohen?
Here’s a question no one thought Kingsley would answer seriously. Boy were we shocked.

Kingsley: You will have to kiss me or Sacha to know the answer. It’s beyond description.

Press Member: What went through your mind?

Jason: This is a pretty weird crowd, a bunch of weirdos.

Kingsley: *takes a deep breath and sighs* I’m playing the guy’s uncle and I have to in a sense shepard him and go along with him. I’m not related in any way to his double. The double is someone I’ve hired who is a loose cannon and needs to be guided. He has no idea about social interaction. All he knows about is goats. Any ambush of the double character was completely consistent with the story of the film. So what goes through the actor’s mind when he has to make love to somebody who kills somebody or insults somebody or do something shocking for the audience………I’m answering your question honestly. I deserve some credit for this.

7. How set in stone was the script?
Montzaukas: The way it worked for the scenes I was in was we’d do the script so they had the shots for the script, but they let us explore. What I really loved about what they were doing a lot of times was — Here this guy, whose a comedic genius, here are these writers who are also geniuses, who ran Seinfeld, who did Borat/Bruno, people who truly are such sharp comedic minds, who said “we could make this funnier,” “there’s a funnier version of this. Let’s figure it out. Let’s beat this.” There was a tenacious, relentless pursuit of finding “what the best, funniest version of this.”

6. How did the Arab Spring affect the script?
Kingsley: Sacha is a true member of his society. He started prepping this movie two years before the Arab spring. Seriously writing, gestating, and gather it. Sacha has an amazing intuition in the direction his work is taking him and he will reflect it comedically, so you get the terrible news without the pain because it’s so wonderfully funny. Then by the time Jason and I joined the Arab Spring had erupted. It was present everywhere in the media. We weren’t creating a series of gags in a vacuum, but we were being political satirists.

Jason: When I did a table read for the movie, it was a movie that I had heard was written for years and all the Arab Spring stuff just started happening. I asked them that exact question. This seems bizarely presence right now. I really do think those guys, Sacha and the writers, really do have their fingers on what’s going on out there.

5. There will be a decapitated head
Jason: (Jokingly) How many more scenes were there with the decapitated head? I’m not going to lie; we shot an entire shadow puppet movie shot with me the decapitated head. I’m here to announce the spin-off movie is me, Sir Ben, and the decapitated head. It’s a buddy movie. It’s pretty terrific. It’s a road movie. We have to get to Arizona so I can win my girlfriend back. The only way to win her back is with the head. Spoiler Alert: We don’t end up together.

There were more of scenes of when he (Sacha) wakes me up with the head, in the shower with the head, there were a couple more beats of that kinda same stuff.

4. Sacha Baron Cohen is committed to his role of Admiral General Aladeen
How committed is Cohen to the role of Admiral General Aladeen? His appearance started with a flock of his Wadiyan supporters carrying posters of their supreme leader while chanting his name. Soon after the Wadiyan leader walked into the press junket, escorted by his army of women. How committed are these women? I never saw one crack a smile, even when the entire junket was bawling with laughter.

3. Aladeen’s Favorite Movies and the differences between the Wadiyan Film Industry and Hollywood
Admiral General Aladeen: I like the fantasy films like Lord of the Rings and Schindler’s List.  I’m also a fan of Sherlock Holmes; there is always a twist at the end where they solve the case, which I never see coming. My favorite film ever was from 1963 that features JFK in Dallas.

There are differences between the Wadiyan Film Industry and Hollywood. People say I am extravagant in using 20 trillion bottles of Fiji water every day to make snow for my ski resort in the middle of the desert, but am I the person who created John Carter. Believe me, there are bigger bombs than John Carter. When it comes to making films, I am a purist. I demand the highest standards. I don’t rely on the dodgy CGI. If I need 10,000 villages to be driven off a cliff, I make it happen.

2. Who are Aladeen’s favorite of the dictators and why?
Aladeen: It has been a tough year. We have lost a lot of good people and I have lost a lot of good friends. *Looks up at the sky* Ghaddafi, I miss you….. Sorry *Looks down at the ground* Ghaddafi, I miss you.

Also KJ, Kimmy-G, Kim Jong, and of course Chavez died last month. Oops you didn’t hear that from me. It’s just a coincidence that he hasn’t shown up for the past two months.  Ahmedinejad is still around, but he is an embarrassment. He looks like a snitch from Miami Vice. Why does he not wear a tie? Does he think every day in Iran is casual Friday? WTF! What the fuck!

1. What are Aladeen’s favorite TV shows?
Aladeen: In Wadiya we have our own version of Two and a Half Men, but it used to be called Three Men. One got caught trying to stealing a grapefruit. I also love the TV program 24. Do you have it here? We play it backwards so it has a happy ending. Also Laverne and Shirley, I like it, it’s good fun. It’s not cruel, which I like, so I can show it to one of my 1,600 children and not worry about it. All of them are boys, total coincidence. We also have Wadiyan Idol in which the people build a massive statue of me.

The Dictator opens Friday, May 18.

Images courtesy of Editor Bilal Mian.

One way or another details on upcoming games tend to find their way out of the grasp of videogames publishers and onto the internet ahead of the companies’ wishes. Accidental website postings by retailers, registered domains, or even the packaging for a series of action figures can let the cat out of the bag, which happens to be the case with Halo 4.

The back of the packaging on McFarlane Toys upcoming series of Halo 4 figures teases two unannounced enemies — the Crawler, a four-legged looking hound, and the Watcher, a robust looking beetle.

According to the packaging, the figures in McFarlane’s first series include Master Chief, Elite Zealot, Grunt Storm, and the Spartan Warrior, with a second series marked as Coming Soon, which includes Cortana, Spartan Soldier, Crawler, and Watcher.

The box also teases a secret enemy figure “unlike anything before” for Holiday 2012. Could this possibly be a Forerunner, the ancient civilization thought to have gone extinct? Time will tell.

Source – Xbox-Skyer

Curriculum Unavailable

Description: You are not authorized to view this information because you are not a student at Greendale Community College. Please contact an enrollment officer for further information.

–

It seems that the repercussions of being expelled from Greendale are pretty slight. It’s been two months and the study group seems to be in great spirits. In fact, they have arranged a potluck dinner at Troy and Abed’s apartment, all cheer and happiness. It takes no time at all for the other shoe to drop, “Abed brought delicious…police,” Troy (Donald Glover) comments as Abed walks into the apartment dressed as Inspector Space Time, only in handcuffs escorted by a police officer. Looks like someone is having a tough time from being expelled after all. Turns out Abed was going through trash at Greendale and was arrested. The Dean gave explicit instructions that if Abed sees a psychiatrist, he won’t press charges.

With no other recourse, the entire study group goes to see the Dean’s recommended shrink, Doctor Hidey. The whole group is there because Abed won’t go to any doctor on his own. “We caught him last year trying to remove his own tonsils,” Troy explains to the soft spoken psychiatris.t A montage unspools in which the group looks back at Abed’s erratic behavior in the weeks leading up to their expulsion, including a cafeteria confrontation with Shirley, who has just seen the crap-fest Tower Heist. “I really think this Bret Ratner could be the new Spielberg.” She muses, at which point Abed quickly leaves in a huff but not before getting in her face, “You’re a bad person. You Are A Bad Person.”

But needless to say, it has been a crazy year for everyone, which we get to see through another montage in which Britta takes peyote, and Jeff freaks out over letting Annie borrow his suit jacket amongst other things. None of this stops Hidey from recommending that Abed be committed. This does not go over well with the group, particularly Troy, “Please don’t send my best friend to crazy people jail!” Jeff (Joel McHale) also rushes to Abed’s aid, explaining what a disastrous place Greendale was, “It was a messed up place; we had lockers.”

More montage sequences take us through the many and sundry ways of how the school sucks, mainly a crash course of some of the worst college classes in existence (Can I Fry That, Baby Talk, Ladders). And although they spend some quality time trashing the school, they also acknowledge that Greendale’s got our back, specifically another montage that finds the Dean alerting them of a fire before anyone else, bringing them free pizza, singing to them on the campus-wide intercom singing, etc. “You know what all those great memories have in common? Dean Pelton!” Annie (Alison Brie) realizes.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you guys for the past two months,” Abed says plainly,“We weren’t expelled by the real Dean.”  But then Dr. Hidey drops a bomb: Greendale doesn’t exist. In a twist fit for any DiCaprio/Scorscese suspense thriller, Hidey explains that Greendale was never a community college, but in fact, an asylum. “You experienced a shared psychosis.” He rationalizes. He explains that the study group came to Greendale because of their respective flaws (Jeff had his fake law degree, Troy was a failed football hero, Annie was a drug addict). Another montage sequence further peels back the layers as we watch the study group in a real insane asylum called Greendale where they crazily re-enact some of the show’s more memorable moments; Abed and Troy jump on a mattress and talk about their “secret trampoline”, Jeff and Britta pretend to play paintball.

They leave the session, but quickly realize that Dr. Hidey was totally full of shit. Jeff runs back into the office and sees him sneaking out the window. The study group confronts him: Abed has 200 pictures of the school on his phone, Annie is wearing a Greendale backpack. Turns out Dr. Hidey was hired by Chang to try and screw with the study group in the hopes that they never return to Greendale. With the plain foiled, they now know that they have to rescue the Dean and reclaim the school for themselves. “…and we definitely can’t do another paintball,” Abed says.

Paintball or no, Community leading up to a mega-epic finale that will no doubt climax into a large forward assault on the school and on Chang and his pre-teen minions. This arc is no doubt the craziest that the show has ever gotten, but in its world, it works perfectly because it has been set up well enough. The show has just been renewed for a truncated fourth season, but hopefully the network will realize that their new comedies once again suck-ass and will find the brain juice to order the ba/ck eleven episodes sooner rather than later.

Season 3, Episode 19: “Curriculum Unavailable” (original airdate May 10, 2012)

Community airs Thursdays at 8/7c on NBC.

Images courtesy of NBC Universal.

CBS

Renewed

• 2 Broke Girls
• The Amazing Race
• The Big Bang Theory
• Blue Bloods
• Criminal Minds
• CSI
• CSI: New York
• The Good Wife
• Hawaii Five-0
• How I Met Your Mother
• The Mentalist
• Mike & Molly
• NCIS
• NCIS: Los Angeles
• Person of Interest
• Rules of Engagement
• Survivor
• Two and a Half Men
• Undercover Boss

• 30 Rock – Final Season: 13 Episodes
• The Biggest Loser
• Celebrity Apprentice
• Community – 13 Episode Renewal
• Fashion Star
• Grimm
• Harry’s Law
• Law & Order: SVU
• The Office
• Parenthood
• Parks and Recreation – 22 Episode Renewal
• Smash
• The Voice
• Up All Night
• Whitney

Canceled

• Are You There, Chelsea?
• Awake
• Bent
• Best Friends Forever
• Chuck – Series Final Aired in January
• Fear Factor
• Free Agents
• The Firm
• The Marriage Rep
• Minute to Win It
• The Playboy Club
• Prime Suspect
• The Sing-Off
• Who Do You Think You Are?

FOX

Renewed

• American Dad
• American Idol
• Bob’s Burgers
• Bones
• The Cleveland Show
• Family Guy
• Fringe – Final Season: 13 Episodes
• Glee
• Kitchen Nightmares
• New Girl
• Raising Hope
• The Simpsons
• Touch
• The X Factor

Canceled

• Alcatraz
• Allen Gregory
• Breaking In
• The Finder
• House
• I Hate My Teenage Daughter
• Napoleon Dynamite
• Terranova

ABC

Renewed

• The Bachelor
• The Bachelorette
• Body of Proof
• Castle
• Cougar Town – Moving to TBS for Season 4
• Dancing With The Stars
• Don’t Trust The B— in Apartment 23
• Grey’s Anatomy
• Happy Endings – 22 Episode Order
• Last Man Standing
• The Middle
• Modern Family
• Once Upon A Time
• Private Practice
• Revenge
• Scandal
• Suburgatory
• Shark Tank

Canceled

• Charlie’s Angels
• Desperate Housewives
• Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
• GCB
• Man Up
• Missing
• Pan Am
• The River
• Work It

The CW

Renewed

• 90210
• America’s Next Top Model
• Gossip Girl – Final Season (11 Episodes)
• Hart of Dixie
• Nikita
• Supernatural
• The Vampire Diaries

Canceled

• H8R
• One Tree Hill
• Ringer
• Remodeled
• The Secret Circle

Lately, with so few contestants left standing, Idol has had a lot more time to kill during the show. So instead of one theme for the week, they’ve been going with two, which not only allows the singers to showcase their skills even more but also tests their endurance with double solo performances and various group songs throughout the show. “California Dreamin’” was the first theme, and a fitting one at that since one, if not all of them, could be potentially finding their way to a new Hollywood lifestyle. The second round’s theme was all about choosing a song that has inspired the singers in their field, so, pretty much any song of their preference was acceptable.

Jessica chose an Etta James song for her first round song followed by one of her favorites, Jennifer Holliday’s “And I’m Telling You”, as her second round pick. Needless to say, she was awesome. There’s pretty much nothing more you can say about Jessica that hasn’t been said week after week. It’s exhausting to watch the judges try to come up with something new and original every time; it almost feels like I’m watching the same damn episode on repeat every week. The same goes for Joshua who is currently holding the record for the most standing ovations from the judging panel. We get it- you love him. The boy can do no wrong and he’s the best singer on any television singing competition according to Randy Jackson. Josh’s rendition of James Brown’s “It’s A Man’s Man’s Man’s World” only solidified it further for the panel, and for the voters.

Steven Tyler rarely says anything of substance during the critiquing process but when he made the statement about Phillip that he’s seen him go from “not caring in the beginning to getting better and still not caring”, it made perfect, coherent sense. Phil enjoys being on American Idol, but he accepts the reality that he may not win and he seems perfectly fine with that. He’s improved and gained valuable experience so far and may care about his place in the competition a bit more now, yet still not enough to change who he is to become popular and for that, he deserves to be there. Phil’s performances from last week were considered lackluster but this week was an unquestionable step up. He chose Creedance Clearwater Revival’s “Have You Ever Seen The Rain” which was great but, it was his second choice, Damien Rice’s “Volcano”, that was nothing less than striking and dramatic.

Picking the right song for their abilities as well as what would blow the audience away at this juncture in the competition has always been stressed from day one. Jimmy Iovine was there for the mentoring process for the second round and admitted to not to saying yay or nay to the contestants’ song choices in hopes that by now they’d know how to meet the expectations. They were entirely on their own and proved that maybe they do in fact know what they’re doing, with the exception of our usual underdog, Hollie.

Hollie had auditioned for season ten of the show but didn’t make it quite as far as she has with season eleven. She’s had a rocky journey and last night showed just how hot and cold she can be up on the stage. The judges have coached and educated Hollie on ways to excel, and relax, until they’ve been blue in the face. Sometimes it gets through to her, as with her first song of the night, “Faithfully” from Journey, where her performance was deemed “beautiful” but other times it doesn’t, like when her second round song, Bonnie Rait’s “I Can’t Make You Love Me”, caused her confidence to collapse with the judges telling her she flat out didn’t have the experience to carry the emotional tune. While none of the singers are in any way, shape, or form awful, Hollie definitely had the worst feedback of the evening.

Sometimes the judges’ negative criticisms can be the kiss of death for the contestants and this is especially true in these final weeks. Everyone has been so great thus far and if you haven’t yet chosen a favorite that you think deserves to win, it can be hard to decide who to vote for. Although the judges aim to help each singer better themselves, a mere three-person panel’s opinions can have a huge subconscious effect on the public’s thinking, which I feel happens quite often. If Jennifer, Steven, and Randy didn’t like a performance, they must be right! Right? Well, regardless of how it happened, everyone seemed to agree that Hollie was at the bottom of her game this week and she would be cut from the show. The “darkhorse” of the competition has clearly gone lame in the public’s opinion and, unfortunately, it was only a matter of time.

Season 11, Episodes 35 & 36: Top 4 Perform and Results (originally aired May 9 & 10, 2012).

For more American Idol tune in to FOX Wednesdays & Thursdays 8/7 Central.

Images courtesy of American Idol and FOX.

Eva Mendes is Grace (no last name, it’s apparently not important) and is instantly annoying, through no fault of her own, it’s just her character. She is a young mother who wants a young woman’s life, even if it’s at the expense of her child, who takes a backseat to Grace’s fucked-out priorities. Nothing could be more off-putting. Why would you ever care about a person like this? Sure, she works two jobs. Sure she doesn’t have a car. Sure, she tries to do good. But she’s also sleeping with a married doctor (Matthew Modine), blasts loud music and dances around her room all night like a teenager, and can’t seem to cook a home cooked meal for anyone other than herself. Her biggest struggle in the film is finding funds to pay for her daughter’s tuition in a private high school, which in and of itself is a totally stump-dumb decision that earns her no sympathy points; PUT YOUR GODDAMN KID IN PUBLIC SCHOOL. IT’S NOT THAT DIFFICULT.

That goddamn kid, by the way, is Ansiedad (Cierra Ramirez), a super-precocious, sixteen year old Ferris Bueller-type who searches for guidance and structure. When we meet her during a parent-show-and-tell day at school (sans parents for some reason) Ansiedad prepares a deep Powerpoint presentation about her ridiculous mother. She tells the class to put on 3D glasses located under their seats, even though the presentation doesn’t look 3D at all (within the film realm. I know Girl in Progress is not a 3D movie. Yeesh.) I guess we’re supposed to realize what a firecracker Ansiedad is here, but whatever. Later, she has an English class taught by Patricia Arquette, who is giving a lesson about Coming of Age stories and the trials young people go through only to emerge as adults by the end. Ansiedad goes to the library and begins collecting research on these trials. A lightbulb goes off in her head. Now, if you’re thinking that she is going to try and devise a way for her mother to go through these trials so she stops acting like a child and becomes more of an adult…you’d be totally wrong. But congratulations- You are twice as smart as this movie is! As it happens, Ansiedad instead elects to put herself through these coming of age trials in an effort to GTFO of her mother’s ill-structured roof.

This concept is the perfect example of the filmmakers creative failings- putting Grace through these trials in effort to force her out of a state of arrested development is contrived, but coming from the mind of a teenager, cute and believable enough; having Ansiedad go through them just feels plainly contrived. The filmmakers disconnect from the material grows even more apparent in all the scenes that take place in high school. The way the kids talk, the condescending characterizations, the wardrobe and style; it all reeks of people who think they know how teens think, talk, and act, but really have no clue whatsoever. Take the climactic house party, for example. Ansiedad’s friend finds a flyer for the party which isn’t going to happen for another three weeks. Guys, this is not a fucking rock show. This is a high school house party. No kid throwing a party like that would advance that much notice about it for risk of either being caught or people forgetting about it. All it really ends up being is a plot tool to set up a ticking clock for Ansiedad, which still proves ineffective.

The film continues to make illogical leaps throughout its running time, like having Matthew Modine wear a lab coat to the local Starbucks, which is the only way we know he’s a doctor because he’s such an inconsequential character. Or how about a character nicknamed “Mission: Impossible”, which not only is a fucking awful name, but the origin of which is never, ever explained. Even more insane is a strangely offensive sense of humor that is peppered across the film. Grace’s day job at a local crab shack has a Chinese cook she calls “Chow Fun”; there is also a server who’s biggest failing in her personal character, it is explained by their boss, is the fact that her husband beats her. I’m not kidding. Later in the film, she can’t come in because she “got into a fight with a flight of stairs.” This was meant to be a joke in the scene. For a quasi-Latino film, if these were jokes in a “mainstream” film made at the expense of the Latino demo, there would be protests in the street. Here, it goes unnoticed.

Girl in Progress is a universally bad movie. Not the bad kind of SyFy channel B-movie, but it’s the kind of film that is painting by the numbers, trying so hard to be something cool and unique but is too afraid to do anything except remain comfortably inside the box. While the production and photography is weak, and the directing is done without any sort of spirit or style, the real culprit here is the writing. Hiram Martinez crafts a screenplay so painfully naïve and superficial, it kind of makes you wonder how this movie even got off the ground based on the source material. Take some dialogue said by the crab shack boss to Mission: Impossible one night, “Do to the trash what your ex-girlfriend did to you and dump it!” Are you fucking for real? Director Patricia Riggen should also be ashamed of herself for not having enough capable story sense to realize the epic faults of the narrative and of the myriad jokes that fall dead flat in every single scene. It’s astounding when a movie like this gets a theatrical release, especially in the horse race of summer, up against the likes of Dark Shadows and The Dictator, counter-programming be damned. Girl in Progress will probably end up finding a scant audience in its Latino demographic, but nothing is going to help overlook this disastrous experiment in showing the pitfalls and possibilities of single motherhood.

Skip it.

Images courtesy of Bob Akester and Pantelion Films.

Wes and Travis are cop partners with a big problem: each other. Everyone knows that the first step to making a relationship work is clear communication.  While Wes and Travis learn how to talk it out, here are some key pieces necessary to open the channels of communication and keep the conversation flowing.

Prize pack includes:

• Custom Carryall: Make the most of your partnership with these communication-enhancing items conveniently packed in this sturdy canvas tote.
• Tiebreakers: Flip these chips to settle a disagreement.
• Do-It-Yourself Therapy Table Topics: Play your cards right to keep the conversation flowing.
• POP Phone: To help you keep in touch when you’re apart.
• Everlast Boxing Gloves: Duke it out when words just don’t cut it.

Here’s how you can win: (No Purchase Necessary)

1. Post your comments to at least one (1) of our front page articles.

2. Email your name, email address and the name of the post you commented on to contests@poptimal.com. Put “Common Law Contest” in the subject line.

3. Wait. The winner* will be notified after May 18, 2012.

*Contest open to residents of the U.S. only.