I’ll be frank with you – New Jersey is a hard housewives franchise to watch. There is never anything NEW. It’s all the ladies battling over the same thing – Teresa. And it’s listening to Teresa talk gibberish for an entire episode. It gets old. REAL old. But, since we are stuck with all these ladies for at least the rest of this season, I might as well suck it up.

We start this week with Melissa and Joe complaining about Teresa and Teresa and Juicy doing the same over Melissa. Shocker. After Juicy puts on a sad scene with a punching bag . . . complete with “pow!” sounds following each punch AND a high kick (well . . . given that Juicy is only a few feet tall, maybe it’s better described as a low kick), the two talk about events from the “solsticed” party.  After hearing the saga, Joe calls Kathy a frog, Rosie “butchy butch,” Melissa a horse and proclaims that Tre doesn’t need anyone but him.

Um, I guess if what Tre needs is an enabling, aging, broke, puffy, marshmellow man, Juicy fits the bill.

Next up, we see Caroline receive an eighty grand Jaguar from Albert for their 27th wedding anniversary. We also watch them take a trip down memory lane in the very first apartment they lived in above the Brownstone. Then she refuses all signs of affection from Al, including being fed strawberries . . . (must be the menopause).

The other uneventful event this week was Cousin Kathy’s pool party that had piss poor attendance. Jacqueline backed out of coming and so did Caroline. Who does that leave us with? Melissa, Joe, Juicy and Tre. Just great.

Rich advices his children to keep their friends away from the party so that they won’t be embarrassed by the Gorga-Guidice scene that would most definitely take place.  Very smart.

The pool party unfolds with a lot of brooding followed by Joe calling Tre over for a talk. They two use words and sentences (for the most part), but it was hard to understand what the heck either was saying. It ended with Tre calling Joe the “meanest brother in the world” and Joe calling Tre a “bitch.” See why I say some things haven’t changed. Looking forward to seeing more things staying the same next week . . .

Season 4, Episode 4:  Drowning Pool (originally aired May 13, 2012)

The Real Housewives of New Jersey airs Sundays at 10/9c on Bravo.  Read more Real Housewivescoverage here.

Images courtesy of Bravo TV.

Over the years, CBS has become known as the “old people network,” and it couldn’t have been clearer that they’re trying to break this stigma. The presentation began with a 2 Broke Girls skit, featuring stars Kat Dennings and Beth Behr, which ended with Jo Ann Ross, the president of CBS network sales, coming out on stage in her own waitress uniform. Oh, boy. After a pitch to advertisers that was filled with references to 2 Broke Girls (they apparently don’t know when to end a joke), opera singer Danielle de Niese and rapper/actor LL Cool J took the stage for a performance. At least, I think you could call it that. The attempt at a sort of rap/opera mash-up was bewildering, to say the least. I think there’s a reason Glee hasn’t tried that combo of genres yet.

President and CEO of CBS, Les Moonves, began his speech and he was really desperate to prove that CBS is not just an “old people network.” First, he poked fun at the business and culture of the Upfront presentations, which to be fair was actually pretty refreshing. They played a one-minute montage condensing the Upfront with the buzzwords, stats and charts. Of course, that was just a joke and CBS was not about to pass up the opportunity to brag about their network.

Secondly, Moonves brought up CBS’s embrace of social media, saying that their goal is to “weave a social media dimension into everything we do.” And he made sure to finish it up by asking, “By the way, have you seen my Pinterest page?” Being social-media savvy is all well and good and is pretty much a given in today’s day and age. But here’s a tip: usage of social media does not automatically make one “cool.” It just means you’ve finally caught up with the times.

For the fall season, CBS will be premiering 4 new shows – that means they’ll have 19 returning shows, including Blue Bloods, Big Bang Theory and NCIS. Their new fall shows are made up of 3 dramas: Elementary, Made in Jersey and Vegas and 1 comedy, Partners.

Elementary stars British actor Jonny Lee Miller as the famous Sherlock Holmes in this modern retelling supposedly adapted and inspired by BBC’s Sherlock. Lucy Liu also stars as Watson – yes, that Watson. The trailer depicted a show with dark and comedic elements to it; it definitely shows promise. (Thursday at 10 p.m. EST)

Made in Jersey stars Janet Montgomery as an Italian-American fashionista working as a lawyer in New York City. Of course, no one takes her seriously and she starts out as an underdog, until her bosses truly begin to appreciate her talents. I was basically getting strong Legally Blonde vibes throughout the entire trailer. (Friday at 9 p.m.)

Vegas stars Dennis Quaid in his first TV role alongside Michael Chiklis. Set in the 1960s, Quaid is Sheriff and rancher Ralph Lamb who is brought to Vegas to solve the murder of a casino worker. (Tuesday at 10 p.m. EST)

As for its one and only comedy, CBS has ordered Partners to series. The show comes from the creators of Will & Grace and is about two best friends, one straight and one gay who run a business together. Michael Urie stars as the gay friend, and he is featured most prominently in the trailer. CBS is calling Partners “next falls biggest breakout comedy” and it certainly seems as if Urie will steal the show. But overall, I’m holding judgment on this one. (Monday at 8:30 p.m. EST)

Now tell us: are you looking forward to any of CBS’s upcoming new shows? Will you be tuning into Elementary or will you be sticking with Sherlock?

Images courtesy of Jeffrey R. Staab and Matt Kennedy/CBS.

It’s time to start thinking about the performances. Will calls on Sue for help because she is a certified winner, but Sue’s first idea is to encourage Kurt to dress up like a girl and raise the stakes against Vocal Adrenaline’s Wade/Unique, who’s become a mini local superstar. But being gay doesn’t mean you enjoy dressing like a woman, and he won’t budge. It’s pretty sweet when Puck tries to help out by channeling Lola. Though Santana is a bit turned on, Artie is more concerned with the fact that he’ll never be able to tear the image from his retinas. Next, Sue wants to rely on some other props and suggests a Flashdance-inspired performance with welding gear. Watching them try to dance with huge, creepy headgear was pretty hilarious. Yet, Tina could throw a wrench in everything with her tantrum – not that she doesn’t have a point. Like many before her, she’s fed up that Rachel gets all the solos, and even Mike Chang wants her to lay off when he should be supporting her.

After singing a sad song, Rachel feels empowered again to not give up on her dream, but she went to the crazy end of the spectrum, inviting Carmen to Nationals by leaving her 14 voicemails. She just doesn’t want to lose one more year of her ingénue eligibility. Later on, Tina gets some inspiration as well. First, she proves that texting while walking – and not just behind the wheel – is also dangerous.  She doesn’t notice a fountain at the mall and takes a nose dive into it, hitting her head and transporting her to a place where she’s swapped bodies with Rachel Berry. Actually everyone was flipped. Puck dressed as Blaine and Finn dressed as Kurt – cape and all. Brittany was Mercedes, Quinn was Sugar all Jersied-up. Will was even in a track suit. The dream gives her the opportunity to shine and get a standing-O but also thank herself, as played by Rachel with blue hair streaks, of course. It also helps her realize that by helping the team and supporting the soloist, even in a small way, she’s helping the whole group. Her time will come next year.

Santana, Brittany and Mercedes try to inspire Beiste do some soul-searching of her own after finding out she’s still with Cooter. Beiste says that he deserves a second chance and now knows that he can’t treat her badly, but in truth, he’s still yelling at her, and she’s sleeping with a knife under her pillow. They invite her to chaperone the Nationals trip and keep her away from Cooter, but she’s not in the traveling mood…yet. Tina, sweet as ever and still thinking about Rachel, finds out that Carmen is teaching a Master class at Oberlin, not too far away. She offers to road trip with Rachel, making her promise to sing a duet before she graduates. When they arrive, Rachel makes her plea, and Tina even sticks up for her, but Carmen doesn’t seem to be hearing it. Rachel brings up that she read Carmen tried out for Julliard four times, so Rachel won’t give up either – not this year or next year or the year after – and asks her to see her perform at Nationals one more time.

After taking one for the team and offering to dress in drag (though Will makes sure the club will not have to take him up on Sue’s crazy option), Puck gets hassled by the hockey team who’s found out even if he was only in a wig and dress for about 5 seconds! Ricky the Mullet shouldn’t be making fun of anyone with that hairstyle, but I guess he’s the new head bully in town. The two fight, West Side Story-style by the school dumpsters, and Puck gets pretty wrecked before he whips out a knife (Cool it, boy!) and Beiste breaks things up. It’s a fake knife from the school WSS production, but Beiste notices something is really wrong. He says he’s nothing, worthless, a failure and a joke, and Beiste begins to see a little of herself in him. When Beiste returns home, Cooter apologizes once again for “losing his cool.” She shows him the fake knife and says she won’t stab him with that one but she might stab him with that big kitchen knife, and she leaves him. He asks: who’s going to love her? She retorts: she will. I practically shouted at the screen. At the school, Beiste finds Puck singing alone in the auditorium and breaks the good news. He can retake the test he failed, and she’ll help him. Neither of them is alone, and maybe one more pair of feet will be walking across that graduation stage.

The episode closes with an extremely sweet scene between Finn and Rachel, as they look over Artie, Sam, Brittany and Kurt talking in the hallway, recalling how when things started, they were just kids “cling[ing] desperately to their own kind.” It really did have the emotional pack of a finale end scene, especially when Rachel and Tina finally duet-ed their way onto the bus that would take them to Chicago and a potential Nationals win. I was just glad and lucky the show didn’t end there.

In Chicago, the club is really feeling the pressure and everyone’s arguing as they prepare to compete. Mercedes even gets sick but Sue saves the day with a miracle cure, and everything starts to come together before the big moment. Finn speaks on behalf of the group, giving the “Schue pep talk” and thanking their choir leader for all he’s taught them. Pre-show, Rachel runs into Jesse St. James (Thank you, writers!) and has an honest conversation about how she knows he’s nervous and he confesses the need to succeed and keep the Vocal Adrenaline dynasty alive. He also congratulates Finn on their engagement like a gentleman. Mercedes and Kurt go to wish Wade well, but he’s moping and says that he can’t conjure Unique. The two help him push through the stage fright, and the fear of not living up to all the hype. And of course, he does live up to it. (He even wins the MVP award.) Vocal Adrenaline only has one star at a time but the dancing is a stunner as always. I consider that to be star two for them. After the performances, Jesse chases after Carmen. At first, I thought he was just trying to get a leg up when he says that she probably won’t remember him, but that’s not why he’s there. He wants  her to know Rachel’s the most talented person he’s ever met, and that he has no doubt she’ll be a star and a great addition to NYADA. In the end, Carmen does remember him, so maybe he’s got a future on the stage after all.

This year’s judges were comprised of Lindsay Lohan making a comeback, Perez Hilton blogging about Lindsay’s comments and Alderman Martin Fong (Rex Lee) – not the most hilarious grouping but definitely memorable and a new spin on the judges with all the cattiness and shameless clawing for a shiny, new image. The big reveal is drawn out, much slower than previous seasons and competitions. At least, that’s the way it felt to me, but New Directions wins. And we are provided a celebration montage that could come off as cheesy, but somehow doesn’t. Maybe it was the “Tongue Tied” in the background or the slushies turned to confetti; it could have been Will and Emma finally getting it on or Rachel being asked for her autograph in the year book; It just filled me with elation. The episode was capped with Mr. Schue (ex-Spanish teacher turned “some other subject we still never see” teacher) winning Teacher of the Year, and Rachel and Finn giving a speech about how much he’s helped them change and grow. The club serenades him with the apt “We Are the Champions,” a perfect finish to a nearly perfect two hours of Glee.

So what’d you think, folks? Would you have been happy if this had been the finale? I know I would be. How’d this year’s competition stack up against the rest? And can Lindsay Lohan really make a comeback like the New Directions kids did? Let’s hear it for the glee club that went from 12^th place to 1^st in one year! Anything can happen.

THE SONGS
“I Won’t Give Up” by Jason Mraz. Sung by Rachel. A
“Because You Loved Me” by Celine Dion. Sung by Tina. B
“Mean” by Taylor Swift. Sung by Puck and Beiste. B+
“Flashdance… What a Feeling” by Irene Cara. Sung by Rachel and Tina. A-
“The Edge of Glory” by Lady Gaga. Sung by Tina, Mercedes, Quinn, Santana and the Troubletones. B
“It’s All Coming Back to Me Now” by Celine Dion. Sung by Rachel. A+
“Paradise by the Dashboard Light” by Meat Loaf. Sung by New Directions. A
“Starships” by Nicki Minaj. Sung by Wade/Unique and Vocal Adrenaline. B
“Pinball Wizard” by The Who. Sung by Wade/Unique and Vocal Adrenaline. B+
“Tongue Tied” by Grouplove. Sung by New Directions. B+
“We Are the Champions” by Queen. Sung by Rachel, Quinn, Kurt, Finn, Santana and Puck. A

MEMORABLE MOMENTS

• “Isn’t she the one that used to stutter?” – Sue
• Rachel offers Tina $50 to forget about her freak out until after Nationals.
• “I really couldn’t figure that out so I just stopped wearing any at all.” – Brittany on underwear
• “I’ve ordered 18 little people, one for each of you…Munchkins. I found them online, William. And don’t worry, I’ve got a mix of race and ethnicities so you can keep up with your little diversity charade.” – Sue
• Rachel and Finn’s potential church wedding performed by a rabbi.
• The idea of Jesse singing “Giants in the Sky” from Into the Woods.
• Brittany and Santana and Finn and Rachel’s confetti kisses.
• Sue in a track suit and top hat, noticing that Emma “looks different.”

For another take on this week’s episode, check out Doubling Down for National by Josh Hatala

Season 3, Episode 20: “Props” and Season 3, Episode 21: “Nationals” (originally aired May 15, 2012)

Glee airs Tuesday night at 8 p.m. on FOX.

Are you a Gleek? Click here for more Poptimal coverage of Glee.

Images courtesy of Mike Yarish/Adam Rose/FOX

The only word I can use to describe my feelings about Monday night’s season finale of Gossip Girl is “mixed.”  While some parts were entertaining, other parts felt retread. I wasn’t at all wowed, and nothing felt big the way it was hyped by the writers.  First, though, let’s recap.

After her diary is leaked to Gossip Girl by Serena, Blair is stuck in an awkward situation. She has to make amends with all of the people and places she bashed in those leaked pages.  She’s furious with Serena, who assures her that she’ll fix things, but as matters get worse and more secrets are spilled, Blair loses any faith she may have had in her friend. She enlists the help of one of her minions to find Serena’s big secret, something that’ll be just as damaging if she leaks it to Gossip Girl.

Serena tries damage control, including asking Dan to stay off Gossip Girl – yeah, that’ll work.  But when Blair ruins Serena’s chances of working on another film project, she stops worrying so much about cleaning up her mess. Instead, she makes sure Blair won’t be coming to the Shepherd’s divorce party – this is the same couple, by the way, who was getting married when Serena first betrayed Blair by sleeping with Nate.  She has a similar plan in mind now, too.

Blair’s other would-be suitor, Chuck, is busy dealing with his father and the media.  His father brings him the ring Chuck had intended to give Blair. It makes Chuck reconsider his situation with Blair, especially after some of Blair’s diary pages reveal her feelings about him. Chuck and Dan both tell Blair they need an answer about her feelings that night. Meanwhile, Chuck’s father, Bart, announces he’ll be taking back over the Empire, and booting Chuck out of it. When Chuck confronts him, he explains that Chuck has put his romance with Blair ahead of the company too many times.

It’s bad timing for Blair.  Just when Chuck is booted from his company, Blair’s mother has asked her to take over Waldorf designs. It’s her mother who convinces her she’s a powerful, strong woman. I love this plot because Blair’s strength is coming from a woman, not any man. Go Blair! But it’s this strength that leads her to Chuck, whom she admits to being in love with. But Chuck is having daddy issues, and he rebuffs Blair.

Wait . . . why does this feel so familiar? Oh, right, because we’ve done this a few times before. How many times can these two volley back and forth?

Bart’s return is ruining more than one relationship. Since she and Bart never divorced, she is legally married to two men, and one marriage has to be annulled.  Rufus brings Bart annulment papers, but Lily rips them up later, saying she wants to make this decision herself. In the end, she annuls her marriage to Rufus and stays with Bart. Which . . . makes absolutely no sense.  I know they’re fighting, but really? Bart?

In a tiny, almost pointless storyline, Nate asks Lola to move in with him, though she’s been offered a gig in a traveling Broadway show.  Her father gives her the money from Cece’s estate. Lola then gives this money to Ivy, who it really belongs to. Ivy swears she’ll use the money to take down Lily while Lola leaves the Upper East Side.

Back at the Shepherd divorce party, Serena gets Dan a little drunk, convinces him that Blair is not coming and that she never loved him, and gets undressed in his presence.  In a scene that models the one in which she slept with Nate, Serena seduces Dan.  Afterward, Dan realizes this was just an attempt to hurt Blair by tricking him into cheating on her, and he says he never wants to see her again.

Blair and her mother go to Paris. Chuck and Jack team up against Bart, who took away both of their shares of the company, and Serena is on a train, doing drugs with some sketchy guy. Oh, and Dan meets up with Georgina and asks her to help him write a scathing book about the Upper East Side. The book he should have written from the start.

But, at the very end, Blair finds Chuck at a gambling table and says she’s going to fight for him this time.  She is willing to risk everything to be with him.

There was very little “new” about this episode. I liked the full-circle aspect of Serena betraying Blair in the same place in the same way and her downward spiral. But it’s not different or original. Chuck and Blair’s back and forth is just getting tiring – I love romantic tension, and I love this couple, but the same excuses have been used over and over.  I get the need to keep them apart, but can’t there be a more unique way of doing it?

I know the Dair fans must have hated this episode.  I’ve seen cries of him being out of character this week, though I disagree.  If anything, it fit well. Dan has a habit of doing dumb things when he feels hurt or betrayed, and Serena made sure he felt that way. I actually felt for him this week – first he thinks Blair is turning on him, then he finds out Serena was using him, then he finds out Blair really did leave him. It wasn’t a good night for Dan, and I’m eager to see what he and Georgina cook up.

There are only eleven episodes left of Gossip Girl. It’s getting one short season next year. I won’t give up on the show, despite the frustration of this episode. But I am eager to see how the writers wrap this all up. I think it’s safe to say Chuck and Blair are endgame. A few years ago, I would have said Dan and Serena were, too, but now I’m really not sure. I do hope Lola returns, though.  I like her!

Best Storyline: I really don’t know
Worst Storyline: Chuck’s daddy-issue-driven rejection of Blair
Want to See More Of: Lola
Want to See Less Of: Bart

Season 5, Episode 24: “The Return of the Ring” (original air date May 14, 2012)

For more Gossip Girl, check out our other reviews.

Gossip Girl airs Monday night at 8 p.m. on The CW.

Images courtesy of David Giesbrecht/Giovanni Rufino/The CW Network.

The Good

“Mean”

The whole club’s included

“It’s All Coming Back to Me Now”

Body swapping

“Edge of Glory”

Santana’s got rage

Last night, Tina Cohen Chang took a stand against being marginalized by Will. She was tired of never getting a solo, even though I think she sings more than half of the other girls, and was bitter that Rachel was just handed yet another one, meaning she really hasn’t been paying attention to how their set lists get structured (Group Number + Rachel Solo + Newly Added Troubletones = New Directions). While working on her assignment as costume designer, she hits her head, and wakes up in bizarro land where she and Rachel have body swapped, as have the rest of her friends. My favorite parts of all of this border-line ridiculous behavior were Santana’s hand motions as Artie from her wheelchair and Puck’s facial expressions as Blaine, rocking the perfectly-gelled wig.

Tina, of course, learns her lesson, that she’s one part of a whole and maybe next year she’ll get that solo. So, she teams up with Rachel to get the NYADA dean (guest star Whoopi Goldberg) to Nationals in Chicago to see Rachel perform again. Turns out, college admissions professionals don’t really like being harassed by prospective students who blew their audition. But through the magic of television, we know she’ll make it to the performance just in time to see Rachel knock “It’s All Coming Back to Me Now” out of the park. She even stands and whistles at the end.

Revisiting Coach Bieste, we see she hasn’t left Cooter, and the girls have figured it out. Things continue to get worse for the coach at home, leading her to tenuously grasp a knife in one slightly chilling scene, and even pull another one on Cooter before finally announcing she’s leaving. She and Puck unexpectedly bond over some Taylor Swift; he’s been down lately because the mullet-ed hockey jocks pointed out he’s the type of Lima loser who never leaves town after high school…if he ever leaves high school. Bieste saw something in Puck when he was willing to come to school in a dress because he thought it would help the team, and gets him a makeup test so he can graduate.

Other highlights of the night included Jesse St. James revealing he’s not completely vapid and obnoxious by confronting the NYADA Dean both about his former audition and Rachel’s potential, saying she’s the most talented person he’s ever known. Sue continued the trend of self reflective mockery the show’s owned lately, illustrating that she’s been pregnant for an indeterminable amount of time. Oh, Sue, I missed you being clever like this.

The Bad

“Celebrity” judges

Teacher of the year?!

No more Roz

Less Troubletones?

I love Emma Pillsbury’s pamphlets more than you can know, but when last night’s popped up on Will Schuester’s desk announcing it was finally time for the couple to have intercourse, did anyone else do a double take and think wait, you really haven’t been having sex this entire time? Sure, I remember, even in her lack of appearances this year, that Emma has some issues with things she deems messy, but I thought they were working on how that affected their relationship through a combination of therapy and psychotropic medications. Apparently, Will, you weren’t working hard enough. Or maybe it was too hard. All you needed to do was win Nationals.

Unique’s comment about transferring schools next season alarmed me as soon as she said it. Really, the last thing Glee needs is more characters to balance, particularly ones forced in from a reality show about to enter its second season. Besides, her plotline has already run its course and provided us with the painful subplot of Sue trying to get Kurt into a dress last night. Hopefully Unique can join Rory in series deportation. Throw in Joe, too.

While I loved “Edge of Glory” at Nationals, where were all my mysterious Troubletones from performances of yore? You know, Blonde Pixie Cut and Anonymous Black Girl and Girl Who Looks Too Much Like Brittany To Get a Face Shot? The rest of the season, they’ve managed to perfect routines without ever appearing at a rehearsal and, at Regionals, hopped out on stage just to join Santana and Co. for a quick number.

For all the press surrounding it, did Lindsay Lohan really think this would do anything for her image? Also, enough with the celebrity judges. It was more amusing when Loretta Devine guest starred as a hooker turned nun judging the competition than with Perez Hilton snapping mundane Lohan photos to update his site with. You’ve got stunt casting covered Glee, no one’s tuning in just for Lohan.

Also, Will as teacher of the year? A few episodes ago, wasn’t he almost fired for faking his way as a Spanish teacher? Yeah, it was a cute moment with the glee kids and all, but it was no “To Sir, With Love.”

The Future

I don’t know if it’s because Ali Adler and Ian Brennan have been scripting the bulk of this round of episodes, but where was this kind of Glee for the first half of the season when everyone was still cautiously watching? Character continuity, emotional plots lined with ridiculously quick, funny interludes and the simplicity of actually focusing on an upcoming competition balanced with the high school lives of the McKinley crew have all been in sync since the winter hiatus.

The graduation finale still looms, and is sure to bring with it a fair serving of melodrama as all of us viewers anticipate who exactly will be leaving the show, where will they be off to, and what’s the deal with this show-within-a-show Ryan Murphy talked about this week at Upfronts? Will Rachel attend NYADA? Is a double wedding in the works? It oddly feels like there’s still a lot to cover before the seniors move their tassels.

Season 3, Episode 20: “Props” and Season 3, Episode 21: “Nationals” (originally aired May 15, 2012)

Glee airs Tuesday night at 8 p.m. on FOX.

Are you a Gleek? Click here for more Poptimal coverage of Glee.

Images courtesy of FOX

In the wake of the Diary Incident, Marnie finds her relationship with Charlie in shambles.  He’s furious, and while she tries to make amends, he can only shut her down. She goes to see Charlie’s friend, Ray, to ask for Charlie’s address because she’s never been to his apartment in all the time they’ve been together.  She shows up and is impressed by his “Target ad” apartment. The two have a lot of time to talk about their relationship, including a flashback scene to the night they met (at college, when Marnie was high on some sort of drug).  At first, it seems like they’re going to reconcile, but while making love, Marnie tells him she thinks they should break up.

That’s bad timing.

In another part of town, Jessa is meeting up with an old boyfriend. He dumped her, but he’s here to see how she’s doing and, apparently, to tell her he’s moved on with an older woman. While he says repeatedly he doesn’t want to cheat on the woman he’s with, he and Jessa end up going to Shoshanna’s apartment and having sex – while Shoshanna is in the room! They don’t even seem to notice her sitting there, looking really uncomfortable.  After the quickie, the guy leaves, and Jessa notices Shoshanna and accuses her, teasingly, of being a pervert.  Shoshanna says nothing, though, and that’s the last time we see her.

I guess Zosia Mamet was busy this week?

After a comment from Jessa about life experience for her essays, Hannah decides that, instead of being upset about her boss’s sexual harassment, she’s going to pursue it. She propositions him in his office, but he laughs at her. Then she threatens to sue him for harassment. It’s just an epic fail on Hannah’s part – incredibly awkward and cringe-worthy. In the end, she quits her job.

To add insult to injury, she heads over to Adam’s house thinking that, after their intense moment last week, they are “together.”  But Adam assumes they’re broken up because she ended things with him. After going to the bathroom, Hannah returns to find Adam, uh…pleasuring himself. A strange sexual moment occurs in which Hannah talks down to Adam and he really likes it. It’s both a little disturbing, considering the nature of this relationship, and strangely nice, showing that they can connect with each other on a sexual level that neither is embarrassed by.

Personally, I felt al little frustrated by the absence of Shoshanna’s character. This show, I’ve noticed, seems to have a hard time balancing four strong storylines in only half an hour. I blame this on the intense focus on Hannah’s character. The others don’t feel like leads, they feel like filler in some ways. I hope that, as the show develops, the writers will learn to spread the attention out and make the storylines overlap. Jessa, for instance, always feels so separate from the others, while Marnie and Hannah’s stories feel intertwined.  I want all of the stories to feel connected, and I want all of the girls be get strong, complete stories.

That’s not to say this episode wasn’t good – it was really funny!  Especially the scene with Hannah and her boss. I thoroughly enjoyed myself – but the lack of balance between all the girls’ stories was noticeable.

Here’s hoping Shoshanna will actually have dialogue next week!

Season 1, Episode 5: “Hard Being Easy” (original air date May 13, 2012)

Girls airs Sunday night at 10:30 p.m. on HBO.

Images courtesy of HBO.

ABC has unveiled their new primetime schedule for Fall 2012, shifting some of their returning shows to all new nights. Fans of Revenge will find the series airing on Sunday nights at 9, taking Desperate Housewives’ old spot in the Fall. Tuesday nights will feature a brand new comedy hour as Happy Endings and Don’t Trust the B—- in Apartment 23 will ring in the 9 o’clock hour.

Joining the schedule in the new season will be 666 Park Avenue (Sundays at 10), The Neighbors (Wednesdays at 9:30), Nashville (Wednesdays at 10),  Last Resort (Thursdays at 8), and Malibu Country (Fridays at 8:30 starting in November). Midseason will see the return and premieres of The Bachelor, Body of Proof, The Family Tools, How to Live with you Parents (for the rest of you life), Mistresses, Red Widow, Wife Swap, and Zero Hour.

MONDAY
8/7c Dancing With the Stars
10 pm Castle

TUESDAY
8 pm DWTS Results
9 Happy Endings
9:30 pm Don’t Trust the B—– In Apartment 23
10 pm Private Practice

In January
8 pm HOW TO LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
8:30 THE FAMILY TOOLS

WEDNESDAY?
8 pm The Middle
8:30 pm Suburgatory
9 pm Modern Family
9:30 THE NEIGHBORS
10 pm NASHVILLE

THURSDAY
8 pm LAST RESORT
9 pm Grey’s Anatomy
10 pm Scandal

FRIDAY
8 pm Shark Tank
9 pm Primetime: What Would You Do?
10 pm 20/20

In November
8 pm Last Man Standing
8:30 pm MALIBU COUNTRY
9 pm Shark Tank
10 pm Primetime: What Would You Do?

SATURDAY
8 pm Saturday Night College Football

SUNDAY?
7 America’s Funniest Home Videos
8 pm Once Upon a Time
9 pm Revenge
10 pm 666 PARK AVENUE

“666 PARK AVENUE”

At the ominous address of 666 Park Avenue, anything you desire can be yours. Everyone has needs, desires and ambition. For the residents of The Drake, these will all be met, courtesy of the building’s mysterious owner, Gavin Doran (Terry O’Quinn). But every Faustian contract comes with a price. When Jane Van Veen (Rachael Taylor) and Henry Martin (Dave Annable), an idealistic young couple from the Midwest, are offered the opportunity to manage the historic building, they not only fall prey to the machinations of Doran and his mysterious wife, Olivia (Vanessa Williams), but unwittingly begin to experience the shadowy, supernatural forces within the building that imprison and endanger the lives of the residents inside. Sexy, seductive and inviting, The Drake maintains a dark hold over all of its residents, tempting them through their ambitions and desires, in this chilling new drama that’s home to an epic struggle of good versus evil.

“LAST RESORT”

500 feet beneath the ocean’s surface, the U.S. ballistic missile submarine Colorado receive their orders. Over a radio channel, designed only to be used if their homeland has been wiped out, they’re told to fire nuclear weapons at Pakistan.

Captain Marcus Chaplin (Andre Braugher) demands confirmation of the orders only to be unceremoniously relieved of duty by the White House. XO Sam Kendal (Scott Speedman) finds himself suddenly in charge of the submarine and facing the same difficult decision. When he also refuses to fire without confirmation of the orders, the Colorado is targeted, fired upon, and hit. The submarine and its crew find themselves crippled on the ocean floor, declared rogue enemies of their own country. Now, with nowhere left to turn, Chaplin and Kendal take the sub on the run and bring the men and women of the Colorado to an exotic island. Here they will find refuge, romance and a chance at a new life, even as they try to clear their names and get home.

“MISTRESSES”

Welcome to a provocative and thrilling drama about the scandalous lives of a sexy and sassy group of four girlfriends, each on her own path to self-discovery, as they brave the turbulent journey together.

Meet Savi (Alyssa Milano), a successful career woman working toward the next phase in her life — both professional and personal — simultaneously bucking for partner at her law firm while she and her husband, Harry (Brett Tucker), try to start a family of their own. Savi’s free-spirited and capricious baby sister, Josselyn (Jes Macallan), couldn’t be more different – living single, serial dating and partying, and regularly leaning on her big sister along the way. Their common best friend, April (Rochelle Aytes), a recent widow and mother of two, is rebuilding her life after tragedy and learning to move forward, with the support and guidance of her closest girlfriends. And friend Karen (Yunjin Kim), a successful therapist with her own practice, reconnects with the girls after her involvement in a complicated relationship with a patient goes far too deep.

“NASHVILLE”

Chart-topping Rayna James (Connie Britton) is a country legend who’s had a career any singer would envy, though lately her popularity is starting to wane. Fans still line up to get her autograph, but she’s not packing the arenas like she used to. Rayna’s record label thinks a concert tour, opening for up-and-comer Juliette Barnes (Hayden Panettiere), the young and sexy future of country music, is just what Rayna needs. But scheming Juliette can’t wait to steal Rayna’s spotlight. Sharing a stage with that disrespectful, untalented, little vixen is the last thing Rayna wants to do, which sets up a power struggle for popularity. Could the undiscovered songwriting talent of Scarlett O’Connor (Clare Bowen) be the key to helping Rayna resurrect her career?

Complicating matters, Rayna’s wealthy but estranged father, Lamar Hampton (Powers Boothe), is a powerful force in business, Tennessee politics, and the lives of his two grown daughters. His drive for power results in a scheme to back Rayna’s handsome husband, Teddy, in a run for Mayor of Nashville, against Rayna’s wishes.

“RED WIDOW”

When Marta Walraven’s (Radha Mitchell) husband is brutally murdered, her first instinct is to protect her three young children. Her husband’s business partners – Irwin Petrova (Wil Traval), Marta’s scheming and untrustworthy brother, and Mike Tomlin (Lee Tergesen) — were involved in an illegal drug business deal with rival gangsters, and Marta’s husband paid the ultimate price. She already knows the violent world of organized crime; her father, Andrei Petrova (Rade Sherbedzija), and loyal bodyguard Luther (Luke Goss) are gangsters too. She and her sister Kat (Jaime Ray Newman) had always wished for a safer life without bloodshed and fear. For a while Marta lived happily as a stay at home housewife in San Marta’s cooperation, FBI Agent James Ramos (Mido Hamada) now promises justice.

Marta discovers a tenacity she never knew she had, and takes on the gangsters and the FBI to unveil the truth about her husband’s death. As she digs into this dark underworld, she’ll test her own strength, relying on her resourcefulness, determination and family ties like never before. To get out of this mob, she needs to beat the bad guys at their own deadly game.

“ZERO HOUR”

As the publisher of a paranormal enthusiast magazine, Modern Skeptic, Hank Galliston has spent his career following clues, debunking myths and solving conspiracies. A confessed paranormal junkie, his motto is “logic is the compass.” But when his beautiful wife, Laila (Jacinda Barrett), is abducted from her antique clock shop, Hank gets pulled into one of the most compelling mysteries in human history, stretching around the world and back centuries.

Contained in one of his wife’s clocks is a treasure map, and what it leads to could be cataclysmic. Now it’s up to Hank to decipher the symbols and unlock the secrets of the map, while ensuring the answers don’t fall into the wrong hands – a man they call White Vincent (Michael Nyqvist). With his two young associates, Rachel (Addison Timlin) and Arron (Scott Michael Foster), in tow, along with Becca Riley, a sexy FBI agent (Carmen Ejogo), Hank will lead them on a breathless race against the clock to find his wife and save humanity.

“HOW TO LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS (FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE)”

Polly (Sarah Chalke) is a single mom who’s been divorced for almost a year. The transition wasn’t easy for her, especially in this economy. So, like a lot of young people living in this new reality, she and her daughter, Natalie (Rachel Eggleston), have moved back home with her eccentric parents, Elaine (Elizabeth Perkins) and Max (Brad Garrett). But Polly and her parents look at life through two different lenses. Polly’s too uptight. Her parents are too laid back. Polly’s conservative when it comes to dating (no action, whatsoever), while her parents are still sexually adventurous. They think Polly turned out okay, so what’s the big deal? Well, they say it takes a village to raise a child…and in Polly’s case, this village is on fire. But with help from her best friend Gregg (Orlando Jones), her lovable yet irresponsible ex-husband Julian (Jon Dore) and her cool and fun assistant Jenn (Rebecca Delgado Smith) Polly takes her first steps toward getting a life, starting with a social one.

“MALIBU COUNTRY”

When Reba Gallagher (Reba) discovers that her husband, Bobby, (Jeffrey Nordling) a country music legend, has a cheatin’ heart, her world is turned upside down. Reba dreamt of becoming a country star herself, but put her career on hold to raise a family. Now she’s questioning all of that, big-time. With the ink on her divorce barely dry, Reba packs up her sharp-tongued mother, Lillie May (Lily Tomlin), her two kids and the U-Haul and heads for sunny California to begin a new chapter. Leaving Nashville in the rear view, they start over at their Malibu residence — the last remaining asset they have. Reba gets to know her new open and loving neighbor Kim (Sara Rue) and her son, Sage, but also discovers that relocation to Southern California is going to be quite an adjustment for a traditional southern belle: the West Coast seems like the polar opposite of Music City, and Reba feels like an outsider. Still, with the support of her family she sets about finding her voice, jump-starting her music career with the help of her new music agent, Geoffrey (Jai Rodriguez), and embracing this chance to begin again.

“THE NEIGHBORS”

How well do you know your neighbors?

Meet the Weavers, Debbie (Jami Gertz) and Marty (Lenny Venito). Marty, in hopes of providing a better life for his wife and three kids, recently bought a home in Hidden Hills, a gated New Jersey townhome community with its own golf course. Hidden Hills is so exclusive that a house hasn’t come on the market in 10 years. But one finally did and the Weavers got it!

It’s clear from day one that the residents of Hidden Hills are a little different. For starters, their new neighbors all have pro-athlete names like Reggie Jackson (Tim Jo), Jackie Joyner-Kersee (Toks Olagundoye), Dick Butkis (Ian Patrick) and Larry Bird (Simon Templeman). Over dinner, Marty and his family discover that their neighbors receive nourishment through their eyes by reading books, rather than eating. The Weavers soon learn that the entire community is comprised of aliens from Zabvron, where the men bear children and everyone cries green goo from their ears.

The Zabvronians have been stationed on Earth for the past 10 years, disguised as humans, awaiting instructions from home, and the Weavers are the first humans they’ve had the opportunity to know. As it turns out, the pressures of marriage and parenthood are not exclusive to planet Earth. Two worlds will collide with hilarious consequences as everyone discovers they can “totally relate” and learn a lot from each other.

“THE FAMILY TOOLS”

Mixing family with business is never easy, and Jack Shea (Kyle Bornheimer) is about to learn that lesson the hard way. When Jack’s father, Tony (J.K. Simmons), has a heart attack and is forced to hand over the keys to his beloved handyman business, Jack is eager to finally step up and make his father proud. Unfortunately Jack’s past career efforts have been less than stellar, so everyone seems to be waiting for him to fail. His new job isn’t made any easier by Tony’s rebellious, troublemaker assistant, Darren (Edi Gathegi), and Darren’s flirtatious sister, Liz (Danielle Nicolet), who works at the local hardware store. Yet with the support of his Aunt Terry (Leah Remini) and his oddball yet endearing cousin Mason (Johnny Pemberton), Jack Shea may just find his true calling right at home.

Videos courtesy of ABC.

Convenient timeliness aside, Sunday’s “Dark Shadows” hearkened not only to the campy 1960s horror soap upon which Tim Burton and Johnny Depp’s latest film is based, but particularly to the dark shadows lingering underneath each character’s respective façade. Don Draper’s hidden past has permeated its way inside every aspect of the foundation he’s built in an attempt to bury Dick Whitman, but this week marked an uncovering of everyone’s most ruthless attempts to keep their own deepest insecurities at bay. Ah, the dark shadows within us all. Get it? The episode, much like Betty’s Weight Watchers meetings, was full of such on-the-nose euphemisms and heavy-handed life metaphors normally beneath Mad Men’s typically nuanced allegorical flair, yet the message still rang as poignant and insightful as any of the series’ most elegant offerings. Witnessing the brutal jealousy, competition and manipulative calculation propelling each character’s self-serving motives along the way, however, was simply icing (or should I say Reddi-Wip?) on the cake. So much for subtlety, indeed.

The opening shot is a percolating attention grabber, silently depicting a long-absent Betty preparing her pointedly mundane breakfast. Once she places a carefully measured collection of cheese cubes next to her halved grapefruit, the dry crunch of burnt toast is all the symbolism we need. The stark loneliness surrounding the Francis’ gothic suburban manse and Betty’s fastidious calorie-counting perfectly juxtaposes the fast-paced atmosphere of Don and Megan’s glamorous Manhattan high-rise and metropolitan lifestyle. While Henry’s political career seems to be shifting into neutral and Betty finds solace among other body-conscious housewives, Don is inspired to rekindle his creative mojo at SCDP and Megan immerses herself into the life of an aspiring actress, minus the waitressing shifts.

Megan’s undeniable good fortune and privilege brew tension as she helps a fellow fledgling thespian run lines for an upcoming audition. The part? A new character on Dark Shadows, of course. Megan laughs at the script’s ludicrous dialogue, but her friend becomes defensive and indignant, pointing out the unfairness of Megan’s judgment coming from her “throne on 73^rd and Park.” This fleeting spat pales in comparison to the throbbing waves of anger, envy and regret that roar through Betty, however, when she finally gets a closer view of what married life looks like for Don the second time around. As she peers around his stylish, modern apartment, an accidental eyeful of the younger, lithe Megan getting dressed only punctuates the diverging paths she and Don took after their divorce. In Betty’s mind, Don’s big-city happiness with a plucky brunette not only insinuates a significant upgrade on his part, but also diminishes their previous life together and highlights her current self-perceived banality as a pudgier version of the discontent homemaker she already was. Once at home, Betty initially swallows her incredulity during an impulsive trip to the fridge, but spits out both her snack and her guilt after a moment of clarity.

Despite her blinding resentment, Betty’s actually come a long way from wolfing Bugles on the couch. When she discovers Henry frying a steak in the middle of the night out of sheer desperation, she surprisingly projects her self-loathing onto him with merely minimal effect, lamenting, “I’ve driven you to do this because I can’t control myself.” Instead of acknowledging Betty’s pity party, he wisely invites her to have what ends up a relatively productive marital conversation regarding his unhappiness at work. Henry’s boss, New York City mayor John Lindsay, won’t be running for President like Henry had hoped, and his career trajectory looks stagnant as a result. “I bet on the wrong horse,” he confides. “I jumped ship for nothing.” Betty, of course, likely mirrored this statement with her burgeoning feelings of regret about Don, but out loud she spews Weight Watchers platitudes in attempt to show Henry she supports him regardless of the unknown future. “It’s so easy to blame our problems on others, but really, we’re in charge of ourselves,” she declares. “And I’m here to help you, as you’re here to help me. We’ll figure out what’s next.” The sweet, but clichéd testimony rings predictably flat, but nonetheless placates Henry, and perhaps even Betty, at least for the time being.

What Betty doesn’t know is Don’s festering an inferiority complex of his own at work, as his rivalry with newbie wunderkind Michael Ginsburg inspires him to start writing copy again. He spies a folder containing Ginsburg’s pitch ideas for their newest prospective client, finds himself amused and impressed with the work and stays at the office to dictate ideas of his own. Don surprises himself by coming up with a presentable, perhaps even sellable, campaign, but is irked with Ginsburg’s backhanded compliments the next morning. “Wow, that’s actually good,” Ginsburg muses. Don’s raised eyebrow at his protégé’s snide quip says more than any verbal retort could, much like Betty’s crestfallen frown upon the sight of Megan’s trim torso. Let the vengeful undermining begin.

Elsewhere at SCDP, Roger follows thematic suit by recruiting Ginsburg for similar ad hoc work he bribed Peggy to do a few weeks ago for the Mohawk Airlines account. This time, Roger is preparing to sweep a Jewish winery off its feet and makes no qualms about his blatantly bigoted decision to pick Ginsburg as his right hand man. “How Jewish are they?” Roger had asked Bert when presented with the opportunity. “You know, Fiddler on the Roof: Audience or cast?” Roger is spending all of this effort (or I suppose cash, in his case) with the direct intent to usurp Pete’s future success at the agency, but he’s the one who ends up feeling less than when he convinces his soon-to-be-ex and conveniently Semitic wife, Jane, to accompany him to the wooing session. The winery owners’ handsome son joins the dinner party and displays remarkably indiscreet admiration for Jane, who clearly enjoys the attention. Roger, threatened by the unforeseen competition, responds by having Jane show him the new apartment he just purchased for her (!) and promptly seducing her despite her tepid reluctance. The next morning, a grief-stricken Jane tearfully, bitterly explains to Roger how he managed to pollute her new sanctuary with more memories of his presence, thus negating her entire reason for wanting to move out of the place they’d shared together as a married couple in the first place. Roger’s genuine remorse about causing Jane more anguish shows welcome depth for his character, and the situation’s tangible sadness provides the episode with an emotional resonance that no other storyline quite accomplished. How’s that for dark shadows?

Any progress Betty seemed to have made, meanwhile, turns into serious self-righteous buffoonery as she discovers a brief note Don left Megan on the back of one of Bobby’s drawings. “Lovely Megan,” it begins. “I went to buy a light bulb. When I get back, I’ll see you better. Love, Don.” Ouch. The tenderness of the note’s undertones in such everyday context throws Betty for a loop, and hearing Don’s voice narrate as she reads it sends her clear over the edge. Armed with only a stalk of celery (where is that Reddi-Whip when you need it?), Betty notices Sally working on a family tree project for school and immediately unleashes the biggest arsenal she has. “Don’t forget about your dad’s first wife,” she says, referring to the late Anna Draper. Sally is dumbfounded and demands answers when visiting the city the next weekend, but Megan can detect Betty’s manipulation and convinces Don to handle the matter without confronting Betty. Just before he makes an angry phone call, Megan reminds him, “If you do that, you’re giving her exactly what she wanted. The thrill of having poisoned us from 50 miles away.” Sally overhears their conversation and realizes her mother’s intentions, quickly shifting allegiance the next morning when Don explains his relationship with Anna the best way he can. “I really wish you’d met her,” he says. Betty coolly asks Sally what Don and Megan had said when she asked about Anna, and Sally replies with the effortless superiority only a 12-year-old can master. “Oh, Daddy showed me pictures,” she coos. “They spoke very fondly of her.” Zing!

Back at the agency, the creative team is presenting both Don and Ginsburg’s ideas for Sno-Ball, the client with whom they’re meeting and attempting to sign that afternoon. The product is a slushy refreshment reminiscent of a Slurpee or Sno-Cone, and aimed toward a younger demographic. Ginsburg’s campaign centers on sillier, more juvenile humor involving images of various authority figures getting hit in the face with an actual snowball. Don’s is a bit wry in comparison and plays off the “snowball’s chance in hell” adage by depicting Satan himself enjoying a Sno-Ball. Both ideas have their merits, but the team seems to agree that Ginsburg’s is funnier and better suited for the product, so naturally Don leaves the storyboard in the cab and solely pitches his own idea. They land the account, but Ginsburg confronts Don about his betrayal anyway. Realizing his youth and talent threaten Don, Ginsburg is all the more disgusted with the petty sabotage. “I feel bad for you,” he sneers. “I don’t think about you at all,” Don replies, as he swiftly slides through the elevator doors and out of sight.

How apropos that an episode centered so much on each character’s self-seeking motives and actions would take place right before Thanksgiving? Betty’s pre-holiday Weight Watchers meeting focuses on the importance of filling one’s emotional void with gratitude instead of food, which would be good advice if Betty were the type of person to actually be grateful for what she has. “We should fill ourselves with our children, our homes, our husbands, our health, our happiness,” the chairwoman advises. But Reddi-Wip is so delicious! Back in Manhattan, Megan warns Don of the smog emergency affecting the city and won’t let him open the window. “The air’s toxic. I don’t want that in here,” she declares, setting the table for a Thanksgiving dinner that won’t include one particular toxin she’s already banished from their home. At Chez Francis, Betty begins to dig in when Bobby reminds her that they all need to say what they’re thankful for first. Oh, right. “I’m thankful that I have everything I want,” Betty announces. “And no one else has anything better.”

Betty’s closing line is perfectly punctuated with a shot of her taking the single bite of stuffing off of her meagerly adorned plate. The pure bliss on her face is not only an illustration of the emotional escape she’s discovered through eating, but also the power of denial facing both she and Don as they refuse to acknowledge the bitter competitions they each engaged in when faced with their own insecurities. Don told Ginsburg he didn’t think about him at all, when in reality it was an obsession with overshadowing his prodigious talent that caused Don to deliberately sabotage Ginsburg’s Sno-Ball campaign. Roger destroyed whatever salvageable relationship he had left with Jane in attempt to assert his own masculinity when threatened by a younger, virile rival, and Peggy took visible glee in watching Ginsburg, her direct competitor, get screwed. Betty, of course, doesn’t have everything she wants despite saying so, and is in fact crushed by the idea that her ex-husband has found a life better than the one he had with her. Even Megan, whose Manhattan palace and financial security was a source of jealousy for her friend, admitted she’d still “kill for an audition for that piece of crap” Dark Shadows, rich husband or not. Underneath it all, she’s just a struggling actress too.

The episode’s tongue-in-cheek reference to the soap opera narrative has been a running joke on Mad Mensince its inception, but what’s helped the show set itself apart from other like-minded dramas is the artistic and intellectual integrity of its storytelling. The clunky-by-comparison symbolism and thematic efforts of “Dark Shadows” kept the episode a far cry from classics like “The Suitcase” or “Shut the Door. Have a Seat,” but plenty of important character development and haunting performances helped set the tone for future groundbreaking installments. The Sno-Ball campaign may have taken center stage as far as this week’s ad work was concerned, but Roger’s pitch to Manischewitz was pure poetry. “The passengers can’t see the ad, but everyone can see the passengers,” he explained to his enthralled guests. The same can be said for the characters. They can’t see us, but we can see everything. Even the dark shadows.

What did you think of this week’s Mad Men? Were you glad to see Betty, or just glad to see she’s still fat? Are Gilmore Girls fans stoked or scarred by Alexis Bledel’s guest-starring arc? Did you forget about Lane? Will Joan get more than one paltry scene next week? Will Megan ever get less than every single scene? Would you take LSD with Roger? Post your thoughts in the comment section below!

Season 5, Episode 9 “Dark Shadows” (originally aired May 13, 2012)

Mad Men airs Sunday nights at 10/9c on AMC

Images courtesy of AMC.

“Off The Reservation” picks up right where the last episode left off, with Holder (Joel Kinneman) in a really bad way. Linden (Mireille Enos) calls for backup and a search team to find Holder at the Indian Reservation, but Lt. Carlson denies the search party, despite the fact that there is an officer down. Linden confronts him in a rage,“Carlson, they were beating him! Start the search!” She fumes. “You word means nothing here. Get out!” He exclaims. If this seems pretty fucking stupid, that a superior officer would not pull his team together to help an officer in need, you’re not alone. It’s re-god-damn-diculous. Of course, Linden goes into the reservation alone, where she meets a road blocked by some of the reservation’s finest including Chief Jackson. “Last I saw, your boy General Custer was getting on the ferry,” She says ominously. Miraculously, her backup arrives with Carlson and search team in tow. “Whatever we find out there, it’s on you,” he warns of what is about to go down. That this whole bait-and-switch happens before the opening credits of the show on top of it making no sense at all renders it useless, though thankfully it is put to bed quickly as opposed to it being dragged out over the course of the entire episode.

The search team has until dawn to find Holder, which is when the lawyers arrive to shut everything down. They make fast progress despite the pitch black of night; Holder’s pez dispenser is found near a dump site, where they meticulously scavenge for any signs of life. At dawn, Holder looks nowhere to be found until Linden spies a little Native American girl playing in the junk. She points to something quietly- the woods. Linden figures that they might have gone the wrong way and she’d be right. The dogs finally find Holder in the woods, lying against a tree, left for dead and beat to shit.

Meanwhile, Councilman Richmond (Billy Campbell) holds another press conference with the “bad luck either breaks you or makes you” routine, though the press still doggedly ask him where he was the night of Rosie’s murder. He and his staff dodge the question yet again, but it becomes clear that something needs to be done about this. He needs to throw the press and the voters a bone if he’s not going to answer the question. Grasping at straws, Richmond visits Senator Adams and makes a power play. “I know about the photo,” He says plainly and leaves. Adams is angry and scared, telling his advisor to find out how Richmond knows about the forged image. Later, Richmond’s staff finds that thrown bone the campaign needs in the form of the waterfront property, which is the cornerstone of Adams’s campaign. If they can take that from him, they could possibly reclaim the election. Here, they begin to devises a plan to take the waterfront away from Adams.

Meanwhile, Holder has been sent to the hospital to recover from broken ribs, exposure, and a lot of cuts and bruises. While unconscious, Holder’s sister gives Linden the matchbook he got from the casino maid, “It was the first thing he said when he got in here. ‘Give this to Linden’.” Linden sees the message and high tails it to the meet. Linden arrives at BBs, a barber shop, where the maid meets her, “I’m the one who found Rosie’s backpack,” she confesses, “They’re wrong about Rosie. She wasn’t a prostitute.” In fact, it turns out that Rosie was also a maid at the casino hotel. Not only that, Rosie would also sometimes work the floor as a waitress, which explains her heavy makeup. Chief Jackson. She saw her the night of her death and says that she might have gone up to the “tenth floor” where they used to take smoke breaks, the floor that is under construction. The casino took away all their keys to the floor the day after Rosie died.

After getting quite a break in the case, Linden returns to her office to find cops swarming her office, along with Carlson. He is suspending her for her insubordination. “They wouldn’t have done that to Holder if we weren’t on the right track,” Linden argues, but Carlson wants nothing more to do with it. She turns in her gun and her badge with no other choice. Cops are also searching Holder’s apartment for any evidence pertinent to the case, but more pressing to Linden is that Jack is nowhere to be found. She is at the pier because he thought the cops were coming for him. Thankfully,  Jack gets put on a plane to be with his dad while things blow over, which means that we don’t have to deal with his stupid bullshit anymore. Holder meets Linden at the airport after getting a call from Jack wanting to say goodbye. As the two leave the airport, they do so with a new mission: Rosie’s key that is locked away in evidence will open up the tenth floor at the casino, which could hold all the answers for their case. They have to somehow get the key from evidence.

This week’s episode of The Killing is a microcosm of what is wrong with the show. When it works, it does so to great effect, but when it doesn’t work it’s even worse. Stan Larsen’s storyline, which previously found him dialing back into his organized crime roots, have turned meaningless as he spends time talking to quacks who are giving him “tips” to find Rosie’s killer. More obnoxious is Mitch’s storyline, which seems to come and go as it pleases, or worse, when it is most convenient. The investigation storyline is more or less pretty engaging, its just everything orbiting the key A-story that suffers greatly. At this point, it’s also doubtful whether the answer to the mystery will provide connections for all the storylines, which will be kind of a bummer as this season comes to a close over the next five weeks.

Season 2, Episode 8: “Off the Reservation” (original airdate May 13, 2012.)

The Killing airs Sundays at 9/8c on AMC.

Images courtesy of Carole Segal and AMC.

Smash stars Katherine McPhee and Megan Hilty perform at the NBC UpFront. (c) Poptimal 2012

During its annual 2012-13 primetime presentation, NBC proudly showed off clips from its 6 new fall shows, of which 4 are comedies. That means, including returning shows like 30 Rock and Community, there will be 11 original comedies per week. According to NBC Entertainment Chairman Bob Greenblatt, there was a “conscious decision to focus on comedies.”

But it won’t be all about the comedy. NBC is still heavily touting The Voice, which they’re hugely proud of. The third season will kick off in the fall with some changes apparently coming to the blind auditions and battle rounds. Greenblatt said we’ll see more of the swivel chairs even after the blind auditions.

Because the Voice continually rakes in high ratings, NBC is hoping it will work as a successful lead-in for its new show Revolution (Sundays, 10 p.m.). Revolution, executive produced by J.J. Abrams, is a show set 15 years after a permanent blackout. We’re talking no smartphones, laptops, cars, airplanes, etc. It’s back to a prehistoric way of life. Revolution promises to have a complex story and mystery, but what really drew me in during the teaser were the sets. There’s just something about seeing Chicago’s Wrigley stadium rusting and being overtaken by vines and weeds. It’s like entire cities are turning into jungles.

Expect to see NBC putting a lot of emphasis on their Tuesday night comedy line-up. Also benefiting from a lead-in of The Voice, NBC will be airing two new comedies beginning at 9 p.m.: Go On, starring Matthew Perry, and the New Normal, from creator Ryan Murphy. The night then finishes up with returning series Parenthood at 10 p.m.

Go On tells the story of Ryan King (Perry), a sports radio host. Months after his wife passes away, he’s still having a hard time dealing with her death and is sent to group therapy. The synopsis alone makes it sound morbid and it could be a tough sell. Personally, the trailer didn’t make me laugh much at all, but NBC is really promoting Perry’s “return” to the network. Who knows, maybe they’ll will bring him more luck than his stint with ABC.

Cute, adorable and funny are really the one words that come to mind when trying to describe The New Normal. The show is centered around Goldie and her daughter who move to California to start a new life. Goldie wants to follow her dream of becoming a lawyer and decides to become a surrogate as a way to earn some cash. Her life becomes intertwined with Bryan and David, a gay couple whose baby she’s carrying. The show also stars Ellen Barkin and NeNe Leakes as a more dressed-up version of Roz Washington, but still with a sharp tongue and plenty of insults up her sleeve.

Wednesday night’s 8 o’clock hour is dedicated to “family comedies” beginning with Animal Practice and continuing with Guys With Kids. “Guys” is exec produced by Jimmy Fallon and suffers from a case of too much laugh track (not a good sign in my book). The short summary for both these shows is: watch Animal Practice for the awesome monkey assistant; watch Guys with Kids if babies are your thing.

Also on Wednesday nights is the second of NBC’s new dramas, Chicago Fire. Following the death of a fellow firefighter, tension is building amongst co-workers at the fire station. Chicago Fire stars Jesse Spencer in his first TV role post-House and Taylor Kinney from the Vampire Diaries.

Thursday nights are reserved for the returning comedies: a final season for 30 Rock, which will culminate in a 1 hour finale special, Up All Night, Parks and Recreation, and The Office. As for the Office, though it’s been lagging since the departure of Steve Carrell, Greenblatt promised “explosives story twists” next season. Meanwhle, Fridays will also feature returning shows Whitney, Community and Grimm.

NBC will be home to the summer London Olympics which begins in just under 75 days! In addition to live coverage and streams across several platforms (TV, Internet and mobile) Greenblatt announced that some of NBC’s pilots will be sampled during the Olympics to gauge audience interest.

While the fall programming focused mostly on comedy, it seems NBC’s midseason slate is being saved for new dramas. SMASH will return on Sundays for an uninterrupted run with new showrunner, Josh Schwartz. Fashion Star will also move to Sundays at 8 p.m. beginning early 2013 followed by the Celebrity Apprentice, which Greenblatt said will have some familiar faces. At 10 p.m., NBC will air Do No Harm, a particularly intense show about a doctor with split personality. Think Jekyll and Hyde – or “Jekyll and House” as the NBC execs called it.

Other shows that will be joining the midseason line-up but have not yet been scheduled include Mockingbird Lane, a revamp of sorts of the Munsters. Mockingbird Lane begins shooting next month and if all goes well it will be picked up for the midseason. Eddie Izzard will be the main character, a Grandpa Munster type of figure. The show already features the tagline: “Grandpa’s got his groove back.”

There’s also Hannibal: The Beginning, starring Hugh Dancy and Crossbones: The True Legend of Blackbeard. Back to the comedies, NBC has also greenlit Save Me starring Anne Heche as a woman who stars to hear God after a near-death experience and 1600 Penn about America’s dysfunctional First Family. 1600 Penn features Josh Gad from Book of Mormon as the President’s problem-causing son, who really has good intentions deep down. The show looks fun and entertaining and I’m looking forward to it. Plus, Bill Pullman is the president. He will always be my president.

Last but not least for the midseason is Next Caller about a shock jock (Dane Cook) who meets his match when he’s assigned a conservative co-host (Collette Wolfe) and Infamous, a drama-mystery about the murder of a young heiress.

CHERNOBYL DIARIES

Thursday, May 24

8:00 PM

Regal Gallery Place

Washington, DC

CHERNOBYL DIARIES

In Theaters Friday, May 25

“Chernobyl Diaries” is an original story from Oren Peli, who first terrified audiences with his groundbreaking thriller, “Paranormal Activity.”  The film follows a group of six young tourists who, looking to go off the beaten path, hire an “extreme tour” guide.  Ignoring warnings, he takes them into the city of Pripyat, the former home to the workers of the Chernobyl nuclear reactor, but a deserted town since the disaster more than 25 years ago.  After a brief exploration of the abandoned city, however, the group soon finds themselves stranded, only to discover that they are not alone.

http://chernobyldiaries.warnerbros.com

Fill out the form below for a chance to win. (No Purchase Necessary) *** If you are on Twitter, you can get extra entries by following us at @Poptimal and send the following tweet: “I entered for a chance to win tickets to an Advance Screening of #ChernobylDiaries http://bit.ly/LLB2fO Thanks @Poptimal!” You will receive additional entries (limit one per day) to win the above prize.

Most of the residents are fielding offers from very respectable hospitals, with Cristina (Sandra Oh) entertaining the most prestigious opportunities, until Alex (Justin Chambers) surprises everyone with an offer from Johns Hopkins.  It doesn’t look like most of them will be returning to Seattle Grace.  Loyalty is nice, but at the end of the day they need to advance their careers and realize their full potential.  Alex was the lone confirmation for Seattle Grace, but when Hopkins comes calling he can’t pass up the opportunity.  Derek wants to head to Boston, but Meredith wants to stay at Seattle Grace.  She has an offer from The Brigham, and Derek has very promising career-defining opportunities in Boston too.  Meredith (Ellen Pompeo) doesn’t want to be far from Cristina, but it’s time to grow up and move on.  Sometimes they act more like fifth graders than adult women, and they are too involved in each other’s lives.  Surprisingly, it’s Cristina who comes to this realization before Meredith.  I guess being an adult doesn’t exclude you from having growing pains.

On a personal level, there are some interesting things going on besides the residents’ career choices.  Ben (Jason George) and Miranda (Chandra Wilson) have been dating for a little while, but she never seems to make adequate time for him.  Despite the romantic gestures he’s made, she always seems a little distracted and has blown him off many times.  This time he wants to just hang out and enjoy her day off, doing crossword puzzles and enjoying each other’s company.  He makes her a romantic breakfast in bed, but before he can give it to her she is fully dressed and ready to head in to the hospital.  She thinks it’s silly that he wants to do crosswords when there are more exciting things to do, like removing a tapeworm from a patient.  She doesn’t realize that he embedded a marriage proposal in the crossword puzzle until she makes a mockery of the activity in the O.R. and he has to ruin the surprise because she wasn’t game.  It’s a snapshot of their relationship: they are rarely on the same page.

Owen is completely out of the loop when it comes to Cristina and doesn’t know any more about her future plans than Teddy or Meredith.  Everyone is clamoring for her to make a decision, and they all hope that she sticks around.  She has relented somewhat in her anger towards Owen, and for a second it looks like they may reconcile.  Cristina cuddles with him briefly after coming home from a party, and it confuses Owen.  Later, she comes to him in the hospital and they make love.  He thinks it’s a good sign and is willing to be patient as they repair their relationship.  Unfortunately, it was farewell nookie, because as soon as he came she was gone, telling Owen that she’s leaving Seattle Grace for another hospital.

In the beginning of the episode it’s mentioned that the staff will be taking part in the surgical separation of conjoined twins at Boise Memorial Hospital.  When Alex changes his mind about staying at Seattle Grace, Arizona completely flips out on him and bars him from representing Seattle Grace in the high-profile surgery.  She had a rough day with her late brother’s best friend, the dying cancer patient.  She unfairly lashes out at Alex, but he takes it in stride.  As it turns out, the tongue-lashing might be a blessing in disguise.

Towards the end of the episode I began to grow suspicious of Meredith’s ubiquitous narration and the juxtaposition of the scenes of them flying to Idaho.  I thought to myself, “don’t tell me this plane is going down…” and sure enough that’s what’s going to happen.  Grey’s Anatomy NEVER disappoints in the season finale, and next week’s episode should be a doozie.  There’s no way that all the residents are leaving Seattle Grace, as it appeared.  I suspect that this crash will end up making them reevaluate things and that they will stick around.  Unfortunately, I think someone may perish first.  Who will it be?! Stay tuned!

Season 8, Episode 23: “Migration” (original air date May 10, 2012).

Grey’s Anatomy airs Thursdays at 9/8c on ABC.

Images courtesy of Randy Holmes and ABC.

Beyond the Wall, Jon Snow awakens next to his captive wildling companion Ygritte, who taunts him about his erection pressing against her as they awoke. Ygritte ascertains  by his reaction that he’s never been with a woman, and uses that as fuel for the rest of the episode. Poor, innocent Jon Snow. She asks him about what the men of the Night’s Watch do about their urges, and learns there are no women of the Night’s Watch. She also questions him about his oath, and what makes his brothers lord of all people beyond the Wall.

Ygritte thinks the wildlings’ way is better than what order they have in Westeros, and keeps telling Jon he doesn’t have to follow his oath out in the wilderness. She then threatens to tell the other brothers that she and Jon had sex, because it’s one’s word against the other, and in fact wants to anyway, since they’re likely to believe her story. Ygritte pushes at him further and further, but he refuses her, so she runs off. When Jon is finally able to find her, he sees that he’s surrounded by more wildlings.

At Harrenhal, Lord Tywin has been hanging guards trying to figure out who poisoned the man that was after Arya last week. He assumes the poison dart was meant for him and just happened to miss. Arya brings him a meal, which he apparently doesn’t like, and refuses her offer to bring something else, asking her to sit and eat what she brought in his company.

Tywin tells Arya this is to be his last war, win or lose, as she grabs a knife and strongly considers cutting his throat. Instead, the two have a sort of strange father-daughter pseudo bonding session, where they recount the stories of the mad Targaryen king and his dragons.

In King’s Landing, Sansa awakens from a nightmare about her near rape. She finds she’s started to bleed, signaling she’s now of childbearing age. Shae comes in and is ready to help her hide it by flipping the mattress, but another handmaiden sees. Shae moves to slit her throat and returns to find Sansa’s already been found out.

Cersei takes Sansa to her chamber to counsel her on the matter. She tells her what it was like being wed to King Robert and is careful not to speak ill of Joffrey, but knows that he will not love Sansa in the way she’d once hoped. She tells Sansa the more people you love, the weaker you are, and that a mother must do nothing but love her children.

Later, Cersei and Tyrion take counsel on the coming Baratheon ships and what they’ll have to do about it. Tyrion thinks it’s time for Joffrey to take a more physical role in this war he started. Cersei relents she’d always hoped Joffrey would turn out more like Jaime, but realizes now that he’ll never possess any sort of nobility.

At Robb Stark’s camp, Robb makes arrangements to head for the Crag and accept their surrender. Talisa comes into his tent, requesting he bring back medical supplies so she may treat the wounded. He commands she accompany him to the Crag, so that she may better gather the supplies they need. This leaves Catelyn and Brienne at the camp, where Alton, the Lannister cousin who delivered Robb’s peace terms, has been locked up with Jaime.

Jaime sees Alton as his way out, kills him with his chains and cuffs, and then takes out the guard that comes to check on them. But unfortunately for the Kingslayer, he’s apprehended and the father of the guard wants his head. Catelyn, defended by Brienne, has Jaime locked up to await Robb’s justice, knowing they still need him if they ever plan to get Sansa and Arya back. Brienne is concerned Jaime won’t survive the night.

Catelyn speaks with Jaime alone, guarded only by Brienne. He taunts her when she calls him a man without honor, saying he’s only ever been with Cersei, making him far more honorable than her husband. Jaime asks her how it felt when Ned brought home the bastard Jon Snow, and if Catelyn pretended to love him still. Catelyn asks Brienne for her sword.

In Winterfell, Theon Greyjoy furiously hunts with his hounds for Bran and his brother on the run with their servants. Osha and the boys seek shelter at a small, familiar farm, which Theon later interrogates. Back at Winterfell, Theon addresses the people and is visibly shaken when two small, smoldering corpses are dropped by nooses behind him.

Meanwhile, in Qarth, Daenerys is desperately trying to get her dragons back. Xaro promises to help her while Jorah returns to her after looking for a ship. She snaps at him after he tries to assure her the people in Westeros will still welcome her and commands that he find the dragons.

Jorah visits the cryptic woman with the covered face, who can tell that he loves Dany more than he claims to. She tells him that the person who took the dragons is with Dany now, and we cut to Dany in an assembly with the lords of Qarth and Xaros, pleading her case for whomever took them to return the dragons to her. She knows the dragons will die without her and the Spice King feels they should, knowing their continued lives would only amount to death and destruction.

Pyat Pree, one of the warlocks of Qarth, claims to have the dragons and the House of the Undying, and agrees to return them to her thanks to a deal with the King of Qarth. Dany and those assembled are confused, wondering who he speaks of when Xaro interrupts, clearly taking the title thanks to a new deal he made, as the warlocks reveal themselves behind the lords, slitting all of their throats. Jorah comes in and witnesses this, and Dany runs to him as a projection of the warlock appears before her. Jorah’s sword moves to meet it, but finds empty clothes and another projection across from them now claiming a mother should be with her children.

Season 2, Episode 7: “A Man Without Honor” (originally aired May 13, 2012)

Game of Thrones airs Sunday night at 9 p.m. on HBO.

For more on Game of Thrones, click here.

Images courtesy of Paul Schiraldi and Helen Sloan for HBO and IMDbPro

Fox held their 2012 UpFronts today, a presentation for the media and advertisers highlighting the successes of the previous season and showing off what they plan to add and change in the fall. Fox, though still considered the “fourth” network by a lot of old school television junkies, has steadily been rising across younger demographics, largely due to their commitment to social and other media platforms.

In fact, one of the hard hit messages during the UpFront today was their intention to continue that ideal, making content available across Internet, mobile, and traditional platforms in order to bring the maximum amount of quality programming to the highest number of viewers. They expect their 230 million social media “fans and followers” to increase in the coming months.

They introduced the show today with a skit from their darling (hell, everyone’s darling) New Girl, with the cast members interviewing for a new roommate. Their candidates? Dr. Temperance Brennan, Hope, Walter Bishop, Mary Murphy, Randy Jackson…the list goes on and on, and proves quite handily the kind of success Fox has had, whether they’re considered a threat by the “big 3” networks or not.

Here’s a look at the new shows they have slated for the fall:

Ben and Kate: A half-hour comedy about a brother and sister who couldn’t be more different. Kate has a daughter, she’s an adult. Her brother Ben, not so much. It looks like a cute show, but honestly the weakest of all the promos they showed today. Still, with it occupying the half hour before New Girl, it has a chance to snag an audience that might otherwise dismiss it out of hand. Starring Dakota Johnson and Nat Faxon.

The Mindy Project: Another half-hour comedy, starring Mindy Kaling of The Office and No Strings Attached, among other things. This could be a great time for this show, with a lead in from New Girl and the type of comedy Mindy Kaling is making her own. I look for this one to do well, if the writing delivers.

The Goodwin Games: This appears to be a sweet, family type comedy perhaps more akin to Raising Hope than slapstick-type fare, but boy does it have a cast. A father’s death brings his three estranged children together, forcing them to reconnect while dealing with the aftermath. Starring Scott Foley (who, let’s face it, lots of us have been waiting to see in a permanent role again since Felicity went off the air), Beau Bridges, Becki Newton, and Jake Lacy. I would love to see this one do well, but it’s going to really depend on how strong the audience reaction is out of the gate, I’m afraid. It’s slated for a midseason launch.

The Mob Doctor: I know what you’re thinking – another medical drama? Well for the first time in years, Fox is without House, and perhaps they think The Mob Doctor is a natural replacement. The main character is a woman who pulled herself up from the wrong side of the tracks and through medical school, only to become unintentionally indebted to the mob. She walks the line between good and evil every day, and honestly could be compared to House in some ways, with her inability to completely embody the doctor stereotype. I’m not sure this has super drama potential, but viewers have proven their love for medical dramas time and time again. Starring Jordana Spiro (from TBS’s My Boys) and William Forsythe.

The Following: This one, I think has massive amounts of potential, even if Fox might shoot themselves in the foot if they continue to tout the series as “the new 24.” Created by Kevin Williamson and produced by Outerbanks Entertainment, the show follows an FBI agent after a particularly heinous serial killer. With powerhouse names like Kevin Bacon, Maggie Grace, and James Purefoy, this little baby is going to be born with a lot of eyes on it – which could work in it’s favor, or not, and is also slated for a midseason start.

All in all, they have some exciting prospects, solid writing, and a good mix of fresh face and experience behind all of their shows, old and new. Some viewers (including me) were disappointed with the cancellation of The Finder. Less (I don’t know anyone) were sad about the departing Alcatraz, but Fringe’s viewers are thankful for even a short fifth season renewal. We’ll all have to tune in this fall to see how these new shows stack up with the ones we’re leaving behind.

Fox’s summer line up is all reality, all the time, with So You Think You Can Dance and Hell’s Kitchen joined by new dating shows The Choice and Take Me Out.

Here’s the rest of Fox’s revised schedule, the most notable change with Glee’s move to Thursday nights:

MONDAY

8/7c – Bones

9/8c – The Mob Doctor

(The Following, midseason)

TUESDAY

8/7c – Raising Hope

8:30/7:30c – Ben and Kate

9/8c – New Girl

9:30/8:30c – The Mindy Project

WEDNESDAY

8/7c – The X Factor (American Idol, midseason)

THURSDAY

8/7c – The X Factor Results (American Idol, midseason)

9/8c – Glee

FRIDAY

8/7c – Touch

9/8c – Fringe (13 episodes) (Hell’s Kitchen, midseason)

SATURDAY

Animation Domination High-Def to debut in 2013

SUNDAY

7:30/6:30c – The OT (The Cleveland Show, midseason)

8/7c – The Simpsons

8:30/7:30c – Bob’s Burgers

9/8c – Family Guy

9:30/8:30c – American Dad

 

Even starting out, as we met a myriad of couples in the later stages of life, all dealing with one kind of disappointment or another, it feels a little bit like a Love Actually set up.

Let me tell you, if you’re expecting that kind of magic, you will be disappointed.

Evelyn Greenslade (Judi Dench) is an elderly woman who recently lost her husband, finding out only after he died that he’d left her with a mountain of debt she’ll have to sell their home to pay off. She puts their flat up for sale, starts a blog, and decides to travel for the first time in her life.

Graham Dashwood (Tom Wilkinson) was brought up in India, where he fell in love with his best friend Manoj. When the boys were caught together, it disgraced his lover’s family and Graham ran away to Britain. As he became a barrister, then a judge, he never lost the regret he felt over losing his one true love because of his cowardice. He’s returned to India to find Manoj and apologize.

Douglas (Bill Nighy) and Jean (Penelope Wilton) Ainslie loaned their retirement funds to their daughter, who squandered them on an Internet business. They don’t seem to care for one another very much, and when they learn what kind of sad, horrible retirement flat they can afford in England, they make the decision to try India instead.

Norman Cousins (Ronald Pickup) is a lonely man looking for love in all the wrong places. After another depressive night of speed dating and rejections, he wants to find a new place that might be full of possibilities, even for an old geezer like him, who’s not quite ready to throw in the towel.

Madge Hardcastle (Celia Imrie) plays Norman’s female counterpart, a woman who has made a living off of seducing wealthy men into taking care of her, but finds that life harder and harder as she ages. India seems like rich new stomping grounds.

Muriel Donnelly (Maggie Smith) needs a hip replacement, and even though she’s a cranky old bigot, going to India for the surgery is the only way she’s going to get it done in a timely fashion.

This rag-tag group makes their way to The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, a place that’s not exactly as it seems on the brochure. The owner and operator is Sonny Kapoor (Dev Patel), a young man with big dreams but no one other than himself to believe in them. The hotel was his father’s dream too, one he never saw realized before his death. His mother is on his back to give up and move back in with her until she can find him a suitable wife, and his two (successful) brothers, who own shares in the property, are antsy to sell. He wants to make the hotel work and marry his girlfriend Sunaina (Tena Desae), who his mother considers too modern and unsuitable.

Everyone in this story is at a crossroads, with not much to lose. They each begin a journey in this foreign place, and some have more success adapting than others. Mrs. Donnelly gets her surgery, but even though Indian doctors help her walk again, continues to exhibit only racism and disdain for the country. Graham reconnects with the country that raised him while he searches for his lost love. Madge and Norman scour the city for suitable romantic distractions, while Mrs. Ainslie refuses to experience anything at all, choosing instead to stay in the hotel.

Mr. Ainslie and Evelyn are the two who thrive in their new environment, with him learning to enjoy the little things in life and her having the chance to support herself for the very first time. They begin a friendship that, if he weren’t married, might turn into something more.

As time passes, the rest of them start to change for the better, to see that perhaps their lives are not over even though they inch closer to the end. Maybe starting over is scary, but not as frightening as the opposite, which is thinking you’re too old to change. Graham finds his old lover, who not only forgives him, but has still loved him all this time too. Madge helps Norman find a lady friend that suits him quite well, and Mrs. Donnelly comes to know the country and its people in a personal way through a hotel maid who takes a shine to her. Evelyn continues to throw herself into the culture, thriving and making friends at her call center job while blogging the experience for her family back home.

Only Sonny struggles to move forward, unable to stand up to his overbearing mother and tell her he’s good enough to make the hotel work, and that he loves Sunaina and will marry her no matter what she thinks. The problem, it turns out, is that perhaps he doesn’t believe he deserves those things himself. When his brothers decide to sell the hotel, though, he and his guests will have to decide once and for all what they’re willing to lose…and what they’re not.

The film isn’t a terrible venture, but honestly, it would have fit just as well on the Hallmark Channel for a much lower budget. I’ll take nothing away from the cast, who we all recognize as British acting royalty, and they breathed believability and life into these frightened, aging people that have decided they still might have a few new experiences in them. That said, the tales wrap up with annoyingly pretty, tight bows and the dialogue is so saccharine it made me feel a little sick to my stomach.

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel is a nice, pretty film that will keep you (mostly) entertained for the length of its runtime. The scenery is stunning, as is to be expected, and India remains a place I’d love to visit. This movie does not, however, deliver the honest juxtaposition of beauty and poverty of Slumdog Millionaire, leaving me convinced that as much as the writers want me to believe the characters in this story come to understand and love the country where they’ve taken up residence, they remain nothing more than blind tourists.

The film has absolutely nothing new to say, no ground to break, and a lack of a single interesting, memorable character that feels like something more than an archetype.

Skip it, unless you watch a DVD with your grandmother in a few months.

Images courtesy of Ishika Mohan and Twentieth Century Fox Film.

All year, we’ve been waiting for the event that will finally open Emma’s eyes and make her believe in not only her past, but her destiny.  It turns out that Regina (Lana Parrilla) poisoning Henry (Jared Gilmore) instead of Emma with her deadly, magic apple is the push she needed.

As the doctors try to figure out what happened to Henry, Emma dumps out his bag, desperate to find a logical solution to what’s happening to her son. With the doctors in one ear saying that nothing that’s happening makes medical sense, Emma (Jennifer Morrison) picks up Henry’s fairytale book…and she remembers everything.

I love that Henry in danger is the thing that makes her believe, and I love that they used the book that began everything as the catalyst. The perfect execution of the moment we’ve been waiting for through an entire season.

In a moment borne of pure desperation, Regina and Emma team up to find a cure for their son. Who else would you go to in a moment like this but Mr. Gold (Robert Carlyle)? He tells them that he does have a bit of bottled true love from Emma’s parents, and that if they can retrieve it, it would be powerful enough to save Henry’s life.

In a parallel scene, Prince Charming (Josh Dallas) escapes from jail with the help of the Huntsman (Jamie Dornan cameo, yay!), and rides through an enchanted forest in search of Snow White. He’s hopelessly lost when he stumbles across Rumplestilskin, who is willing to help Charming find his true love, of course for a price. This time, he’s interested in keeping his bottled true love safe for a rainy day…in the belly of a beast.

The beast in question is Maleficent in dragon form, who Regina has trapped below Storybrooke. All those years ago, Charming buried the most powerful magic of all in Maleficent’s belly and now, in order to save Henry, Emma takes her father’s sword and goes to get it back. She succeeds, but for some unfathomable reason trusts Gold, who steals his potion for his own, always mysterious reason.

As a small subplot, the Mad Hatter (Sebastian Stan) hasn’t forgotten Regina’s promise from last week, but when she refuses to follow through and return his daughter, he exacts his revenge on Henry. But that’s not even enough. He makes his way down into Regina’s little dungeon of terror and releases Belle (Emilie de Ravin), instructing her to find Gold and tell him that Regina has held her captive all this time.

Mary Margaret (Ginnifer Goodwin) reads the conclusion of Snow White and Prince Charming’s tale while in Fairytale Land, it plays out in real time. With true love’s kiss, the most powerful thing in the world, Snow and Charming reinvigorate the entire land. It appears Storybrooke won’t have the same ending, though, because as she concludes the tale, Henry dies.

But there is more than one kind of true love, and when Emma kisses her dead son, Henry wakes up – and so do all of the displaced storybook people living in a world with no magic.

Regina is horribly upset at the loss of her son, seemingly even unconcerned that suddenly everyone in Storybrooke wants her dead. But Henry’s alive, and Emma has broken the curse. There are some lovely moments as this takes place, but my favorite (and I’m sure yours too) is the tear-inducing reunion of Prince Charming and Snow White. The writers have done such a fantastic job with their backstory, their love story, that seeing them finally awakened and back in one another’s arms is one of the most beautiful moments I’ve seen on network television.

The last scene (and honestly, the only part of the finale that didn’t sit 100% well with me), features Belle going to Mr. Gold. He’s thrilled to see her alive, obviously, but drags her into the woods for an unknown purpose. As they reach the magic well that August (Eion Bailey, who turned completely to wood while voicing his belief in Emma) showed us earlier in the season – the one with the ability to return what was once lost – she remembers who he is, and that she loves him. He loves her too, but as with a previous version of himself, Belle’s love is not enough for Rumplestilskin. He dumps the true love potion into the well, and it returns a purple fog that races over Storybrooke – returning magic into this world.

I love the twist, and that we’re left to wonder what this means for all of our characters next season, but I’m a little confused what Gold’s motivation is, exactly. We’ve seen him as a selfish creature obsessed with magic in Fairytale Land, but have been led to believe that he’s become a man who regrets the mistakes he’s made, who believes that magic is what ruined his life, who wishes he had a chance to do it all over again and set things right.

But now, with that chance within his grasp – the curse broken, his one true love returned to him – he brings back magic, the very thing that corrupted him. He gives power back to Regina, who could have been caught and punished for her crimes.

On one hand, it’s hard to believe he would do that. On the other, maybe it’s not.  Magic has always been his Achilles heel, the one thing he can’t resist even though it’s ruining everything, and in this sense I believe it’s akin to the effect of absolute power on the lives of so many. It’s heady, and hard to imagine living without now that he knows what it’s like to live with it. Maybe he thinks he’s changed enough to control it, to not allow the power of magic to corrupt him again, but I think he’s got a long way to go.

I also think, as we move forward, we’ll see that Henry, Emma, Charming, and Snow have never been the heroes of this piece. It’s him. Rumplestilskin’s journey from rags to riches (power), his downfall, and his beleaguered and stumbling search for redemption is the focus of this tale.

I, for one, can’t wait to take it with the kind of writers who can bring us a finale like this.

Season 1, Episode 22 “A Land Without Magic” (originally aired May 13, 2012)

Once Upon A Time airs Sunday nights at 8/7c on ABC.

Images courtesy of David Gray and ABC.

There were two story lines this week, Klaus and Pre-Elena.

Let’s start with Klaus, shall we? I definitely know that I’m in the minority when I tell you that I’m totally in love with Klaus. Epically bad taste I know, but I’m totally down for a wounded soul. So last week’s episode when Damon and crew decided to turn on their maker and paralyzed him into a vampire catatonic state was not one of the brightest spots of my day. Let’s push aside for the moment that he was totally about to kill Elena. He was just playing with her, I’m sure he didn’t mean it and every other excuse we give to make deplorable actions of those we love minor child’s play. So when last week it appeared that the gang had managed to get rid of Klaus once and for all I was PISSED and ready to write them all off until his safe return. And we get that this week in a highly unsatisfactory manner.

Klaus is the main focal point of this episode seeing as how everyone’s either looking for him or trying to destroy him. At the moment Klaus is currently resting in the back of a van driven by Stefan and Damon out of town. The brothers can’t really kill Klaus because of that whole creator thing. Klaus last week informed them that he was their maker and so extinguishing him would kill them, as well. The brothers for some reason buy this immediately, even though I think it’s just another self-preservation lie among so many already told. Perhaps it’s fear that he’s right, or the knowledge that they can’t prove that he’s wrong, but instead of staking him they’ve decided to hide his body out in storage.

While they’re doing that we’re getting acquainted with Pre-Elena. Pre-Elena is the Elena before all the vampire happenings in Mystic Falls; three years ago, when she was still happy and normal and her biggest problem was how she was going to dump sweet, but totally not right for her, Matt. In a turn of fortunes, last week Elena ended the episode bloody and passed out on the floor, with what Dr. Fell tells Jeremy is a mild “concussion.” After calling Stefan and Damon, who chide Jeremy for his bonehead move to take Elena to the hospital instead of calling them, Elena’s checked out right before her concerned guardian Alaric comes to visit. But it’s very much out of the frying pan into the fire when as soon as she gets home she gets a visit from Elijah who wants his brother back. Elena asks why with all the bad blood between them, Elijah wants to risk himself to get Klaus. Elijah answers simply, “He’s my brother. We remain together.”

Stefan, who’s ditched Klaus duty, and Damon, by phone, vote no on turning Klaus over even though Elijah (Daniel Gillies) promises to not release Klaus during Elena’s lifetime. But Elena, more concerned with disarming Alaric of the stake that could kill all the vampires she loves, agrees. So their plan: turn over Klaus to his siblings who will then leave Mystic Falls forever, taking the crazed Alaric along with them.

Along with this, Elena’s trying to deal with deciding between the Salvatores. We all know that years ago, Stefan was the one who pulled Elena from the car accident that claimed her parents’ lives. Elena remembers that too, and it seems from the moment that she ran into Stefan again there’s been this connection there. She’s not indebted to him, but as she tells Matt, loving him made her love her life again. And after all, isn’t that how love’s supposed to be? But as much as she’d like to, Elena can’t discount what she feels for Damon, but emotions that just “consume her” can’t be enough.

Three years ago…

Elena ditches a family night with her parents to hang out at a bonfire with Matt and Caroline. After a fight with Matt, who wants some assurance on their future, Elena calls up her parents for a pickup. Elena’s unwilling to tell Matt that she’s just not feeling him so ends up walking a lonely road where she meets one Damon Salvatore (Ian Somerhalder). Damon seems a little struck during their meeting and their conversation is soft in a way that we rarely see from him. Elena reveals her boyfriend problems exacerbated by the fact that she doesn’t know what she wants. Damon tells her that he knows exactly what she wants: a love that “consumes you” and he wishes that for her. But for now, it’s best that no one knows that he’s in town. He compels her to forget they ever met.

…

Present day

They bait the trap for Alaric by having Jeremy, whose concern with getting his sister back to a somewhat normal life is overriding all else this week, call up Alaric and leading a false trail to where Klaus is hidden. The plan is that Stefan and Elijah will work together to steal the stake from Alaric while Rebecca meets with Damon to trade Klaus. Alaric seems to take the bait but instead of heading out to the woods, Alaric uses his connections in town to find Damon at the storage facility. Before Alaric can get to Klaus, Rebecca and Damon prepare to sneak Klaus out, but their plan fails and Alaric catches them and stakes Klaus, much to Rebecca, Damon, and my complete horror.

-Side note- I hate you Alaric. Hate you. You’ve got to go. I don’t care about all he’s done in the past, he killed Klaus and I’ll never forgive him for it. I suppose I could be glad that he took that bullet for the Salvatores. I would hate to hold a grudge against the both of them. I can be a little calmer knowing that they weren’t responsible for taking him away from me. –End note-

Seeing Rebecca and Alaric’s grief over Klaus’ death is very touching. Yes, they didn’t get along with him, and had bad blood that even centuries couldn’t clear but when it came down to it they loved Klaus, he was their family and that’s all that mattered. While Klaus was so consumed with building this alternative family in his hybrids, he completely missed over the family that was right in front of him. It breaks my heart that he spent so long searching for something that he had right in front of him. And he will never get that chance to see it, all because of Alaric…

Alaric’s (Matthew Davis) been a busy boy this week. Not only is he steadfastly searching for Klaus, he made time to visit his former sweetheart Dr. Fell at the hospital and give her walking orders. No, he doesn’t quite have the authority to fire her, but once he let it slip to the medical board that the good doctor’s been cheating by giving her patients vampire blood to help them heal, her medical license gets yanked and she’s persona non grata in the new anti-vampire town. Alaric also outed Caroline (Candice Accola) and Tyler (Michael Trevino) as vampires/werewolf, so now their parents are in disgrace and Caro and Tyler are told by their concerned mothers that they have to disappear to save their lives. Caroline refuses to leave with her friends still in jeopardy but promises that once this is all over she’ll go anywhere with Tyler. Saying this, of course, you know it’s going to end badly.

When Klaus is staked it sends a panic through everyone who tries to console themselves with the fact that their death is imminent. Tyler goes into some strange seizure thing and sends Caroline out because he doesn’t want her to see him die. Elena has to choose between seeing Stefan or Damon one last time. She calls Damon to tell him goodbye, she’s going to see Stefan. She chooses him. Elena tells Damon that no matter what she feels for him, she fell for Stefan immediately and will never unlove him. She gives him that whole, ‘maybe if we had met first’ speech that’s sure to do nothing to patch his broken heart as she drives toward his brother. I’m sure that the bitter memory that they did in fact meet first does little to help this moment.

Stefan, along with Rebecca and Elijah, are on death watch; they’re waiting for Stefan to die. Meanwhile, Stefan rationalizes that maybe Klaus didn’t sire him at all. Rebecca and Elijah are sure that Klaus did, and befuddled about why it’s taking so long for Stefan to extinguish. But it doesn’t really matter because now that Klaus is dead Rebecca refuses to honor any deal that they’ve made. She goes after Elena, who’s driving back to Mystic Falls with Matt and on the same bridge where her parents died, Rebecca stands in the road sending Matt off the bridge to avoid her.

One question; why doesn’t anyone do something about this bridge? Elena’s parents died on it, Elena almost died on it playing chicken with Stefan, and here we go again with Elena and Matt driving off the side. You would think the Town Council, when not busy covering for the vamps would do something to keep their human population alive, if only as a steady food source for their resident vampires. That’s just bad town management I say.

Anyway, if you’re still wondering why the boys aren’t dead when Klaus is the head of their vampire family that’s because Klaus isn’t dead. Witch Bonnie (Kat Graham) did some sort of spell putting Klaus in Tyler’s body, so Klaus is very much alive though apparently only Bonnie knows it. Klaus warns Bonnie that the spirits won’t be happy with her, but Bonnie’s tired of being pushed around by everyone so she did what she wanted to do; keeping Klaus alive saves Caroline, her mom, and Elena who would be lost without Stefan and Damon.

So Stefan’s still alive to jump into the river after Matt and Elena tumble into it. Stefan tries to save Elena, but she insists that he save Matt first. By the time Stefan comes back for her Elena is dead. We know this because not only is she out of breath but Alaric, who’s currently fighting Damon, drops dead. Damon realizes what’s happening and its meaning and tries to will Alaric/Elena to live. But it’s too late, she’s dead. In the aftermath Damon goes to the hospital to see Elena where Dr. Fell reveals that when Elena was first admitted, her injuries were worse than she let on to Jeremy. They were so severe that the good doctor gave Elena some vampire blood to help her. And help her it does, because just then Elena’s eyes pop open. She lives.

The implications of this are huge. Is Elena a vampire now? How will that affect her relationship with Stefan and Damon? If she is a vampire, I think that makes her a little more fitting for Damon. Elena’s transformation over the past four years (one off screen) is an underlying force in this episode. Yeah, it seems to be all about the hunt for Klaus, but under the surface Elena’s transformation as a character is a wallop of a task that slowly barrels into you as the episode progresses and ends with an earthshattering wham that threatens everything.

More relevant questions: Is Tyler dead? I don’t think so. As much as I love that Klaus is technically still alive I would really rather prefer that he’d be dead rather than hiding in Tyler’s body. Because 1. I’ll miss seeing Joseph Morgan every week, 2. I’m pretty sure that somewhere down the line a Klaus/Tyler body sharing battle will ensue and 3. Klaus will lose, and I’ll have to say goodbye to him all over again. And I don’t want to deal with that. They’re just prolonging my pain. I guess it’s just like life; you have to take it one day at a time. So the future of Season 4 looks bright, Klaus is still around, Stefan and Damon are alive, and whatever’s going on with Elena promises to be game changing. Yeah, the future is bright.

Season 3, Episode 23: “The Departed” (original airdate May 10, 2012.)

The Vampire Diaries returns to The CW this fall.

Images courtesy of Blake Tyers, Annette Brown, and The CW.

“Revolution” — Our entire way of life depends on electricity. So what would happen if it just stopped working? Well, one day, like a switch turned off, the world is suddenly thrust back into the dark ages. Planes fall from the sky, hospitals shut down, and communication is impossible. And without any modern technology, who can tell us why?  Now, 15 years later, life is back to what it once was long before the industrial revolution: families living in quiet cul-de-sacs, and when the sun goes down lanterns and candles are lit. Life is slower and sweeter. Or is it?  On the fringes of small farming communities, danger lurks. And a young woman’s life is dramatically changed when a local militia arrives and kills her father, who mysteriously – and unbeknownst to her – had something to do with the blackout. This brutal encounter sets her and two unlikely companions off on a daring coming-of-age journey to find answers about the past in the hopes of reclaiming the future.  From director Jon Favreau (“Iron Man,” “Iron Man 2″) and the fertile imaginations of J.J. Abrams (“Lost,” “Person of Interest”) and Eric Kripke (“Supernatural”), comes a surprising “what if” action-adventure series, where an unlikely hero will lead the world out of the dark. Literally. The series stars Billy Burke (“The Twilight Saga”), Tracy Spiridakos (“Being Human”), Anna Lise Phillips (“Terra Nova”), Zak Orth (“Romeo + Juliet”), Graham Rogers (“Memphis Beat”), J.D. Pardo (“A Cinderella Story”),  Giancarlo Esposito (“Breaking Bad”), David Lyons (“The Cape”), Maria Howell (“The Blind Side”), Tim Guinee (“Iron Man”) and Andrea Roth (“Rescue Me”).  Kripke, Abrams, Favreau and Bryan Burk (“Lost,” “Star Trek”) serve as executive producers.  “Revolution” is produced by Bonanza Productions Inc. in association with Bad Robot Productions, Kripke Enterprises and Warner Bros. Television.  The pilot was directed by Favreau.

“Chicago Fire” — No job is more stressful, dangerous or exhilarating than those of the Firefighters, Rescue Squad and Paramedics of Chicago Firehouse 51. These are America’s everyday heroes — the courageous men and women who forge headfirst into danger when everyone else is running the other way. But the enormous responsibilities of the job also take a personal toll. Big reputations and hefty egos, coupled with the pressure to perform and make split-second decisions, are bound to put squad members at odds. When a tragedy claims one of their own, there’s plenty of guilt and blame to go around. In the middle of a divorce, Lt. Matthew Casey (Jesse Spencer, “House M.D.”) tries to go about business as usual but can’t help butting heads with the brash Lt. Kelly Severide (Taylor Kinney, “The Vampire Diaries”) of the Rescue Squad – and each blames the other for their fallen team member.  When it’s “go-time” though, they put aside their differences and put everything on the line for each other. “Chicago Fire” is a look inside one of America’s noblest professions.

“Go On” — Misery loves company. Unless you’re sportscaster Ryan King (Matthew Perry, “Friends,” “Mr. Sunshine”) who thinks misery should just be left alone. After taking some time off, Ryan – who recently lost his wife in a car accident – is now ready to get back to work. And while he seems like his same old charming, cocky self, his boss won’t set him back on the air until he seeks counseling. So, Ryan reluctantly joins a support group with one goal in mind: get in, get out and get back on the radio as quickly as possible. Played by the fast-talking, sarcastic, and charismatic Perry, Ryan gives grief a real run for its money. Within one day of group therapy, he hijacks the meeting and suddenly the downtrodden are cajoled into playing a game of “who’s got the best sob story?” And in no time all of them are battling it out, trying to one-up each other’s despair. Now, this is fun! Ryan’s total lack of interest in healing might be just what this group needs – and maybe, exactly what he needs to move on with his life.

“The New Normal” — These days, families come in all forms – single dads, double moms, sperm donors, egg donors, one-night-stand donors… It’s 2012 and anything goes. Bryan (Andrew Rannells, “Girls,” “The Book of Mormon”) and David (Justin Bartha, “The Hangover”) are a Beverly Hills couple and they have it all. Well, almost. With successful careers and a committed and loving partnership, the one thing missing is a baby. And just when they think the stars will never align, enter Goldie (Georgia King, “One Day”), an extraordinary young woman with a checkered past. A Midwestern waitress and single mother looking to escape her dead-end life and small-minded grandmother (Ellen Barkin, “Ocean’s Thirteen”), Goldie decides to change everything and move to L.A. with her precocious 8-year-old daughter.  Desperate and broke – but also fertile – Goldie quickly becomes the guys’ surrogate and quite possibly the girl of their dreams.  Surrogate mother, surrogate family.

“Animal Practice” — Meet Dr. George Coleman (Justin Kirk, “Weeds”), a top-dog New York veterinarian. With an unorthodox style of operating, George’s success comes from his undeniable gift with animals of all kinds. That is, all but the human kind. Dorothy Crane once held the key to George’s heart, but today she also holds the key to the family business as she takes over Crane Animal Hospital.  Not only is she George’s new boss, but her romantic history with him and her lack of experience with animals is seriously cramping his style.  Dorothy is whip-smart and ambitious, and she’s going to make George pay for the past.  Needless to say, he’s determined not to make any changes in his (animal) kingdom — which includes poker games with a resident capuchin monkey.  Also starring are Tyler Labine (“Reaper,” “Sons of Tucson”) as Dr. Doug Jackson, a vet who’s great with animals but hapless in matters of the heart, Bobby Lee (“Harold & Kumar”) as Dr. Yamamoto, and newcomer Betsy Sodaro as Angela.

“Guys with Kids” — From Emmy winner and executive producer Jimmy Fallon comes a new comedy about three thirty-something dads trying to hold on to their youth, while holding onto their new babies’ hands.  Easy, right?  Thankfully, Chris (Jesse Bradford, “The West Wing”), Nick (Zach Cregger, “Friends with Benefits”) and Gary (Anthony Anderson, “Law & Order”) have each other to help navigate their survival as new dads, while still trying desperately to remain dudes. Balancing work or staying at home, painfully married or happily divorced, they know that taking care of the little ones while maintaining a social life is a daily challenge. Whether it’s hosing the little squirt down in the kitchen sink or hitting the bar strapped with a baby björn, these guys are on a roller-coaster adventure – parenting like you (and they) have never seen before.  Also starring are Jamie Lynn Sigler (“The Sopranos”) and Tempestt Bledsoe (“The Cosby Show”).  Someone once said it is much easier to become a father than to be one. These three guys are about to find out just how true that is.

“Save Me” — Welcome to the Midwestern suburbs, where exciting things never happen. Well, almost never.  After a near-death experience (choking on a hero sandwich), Beth (Emmy nominee Anne Heche, “Hung”) is revived only to realize she now has a direct line to God. Of course, her husband Tom (Michael Landes, “Final Destination 2″) is skeptical and dismissive – and his mistress (Alexandra Breckenridge, “American Horror Story”) is stunned to learn that her lover’s wife is now a prophet!  But when inexplicable things begin to happen, everyone’s beliefs are tested. Beth starts to say and do things that shock her family and entrance her friends, but she isn’t going to be your typical “fire and brimstone” prophet. Let’s just say, if God had a desperate housewife as His mouthpiece, Beth would be it!  She is the absolute last person on Earth who would be chosen. Then again, they say He works in mysterious ways. And this one is a real mystery! Heather Burns (“Bored to Death”) and Madison Davenport (“Shameless”) also star.

“1600 Penn” — The Gilchrists are just the average American family dealing with all the everyday issues – like a grown kid who’s forced to move back home, children who are smarter than their teachers and a stepmom (Jenna Elfman, “Dharma and Greg”) desperately trying to win over the kids. They’re loving, fun and a little crazy. In other words, just like everybody else. With one exception: they live in a very special house. The White House! Whether it’s entertaining foreign dignitaries, sneaking away for a night out, dealing with middle school crushes or putting out fires – figuratively and sometimes literally – there’s never a dull moment in the Gilchrist White House. For example, the First Son (Josh Gad, star of Broadway sensation “The Book of Mormon”) is one of the administration’s biggest liabilities, but also the glue that holds this family together. The President (Bill Pullman, “Independence Day,” “While You Were Sleeping”) knows too well that the only thing harder than being Head of State is being head of the family.

“Next Caller” — What happens when a foulmouthed satellite radio DJ – played by the multi-platinum selling artist and outrageously charming Dane Cook (“My Best Friend’s Girl”) – is forced to share the mic with a chipper NPR feminist?  It’s anyone’s call in this sharp new comedy from producer Stephen Falk (“Weeds”) and Emmy-winning director Marc Buckland (“Grimm,” “My Name Is Earl”). It’s her first day in New York City, and 26-year-old Stella Hoobler (Collette Wolfe, “Young Adult”) is ready to take on the world.  After a stint on public radio, she’s been hired to co-host the no-holds-barred show “Booty Calls with Cam Dunne.” Smart, spunky and passionate, Stella is determined to elevate the show beyond its boy’s-club-locker-room humor into a respected debate about men, women and the state of human relationships. But there’s a problem: Cam!  She’s going to find out the hard way that he’s got no intention of sharing the spotlight, especially with someone like her. It’s going to be a tense fight, but with the station’s one rule being “make some noise,” Cam and Stella could be a winning combination – as long as they don’t knock each other out on their way to success.

“Do No Harm” — Dr. Jason Cole (Steven Pasquale, “Rescue Me”) is a highly respected neurosurgeon who has it all – a lucrative career, confident charm, the gift of compassion. But he also has a deep, dark secret. One morning when he wakes up disoriented in a wrecked hotel room amidst several near-naked women he’s never seen before, he knows one thing: it’s happening again. Every night at the same hour, something inside Jason changes, leaving him almost unrecognizable – seductive, devious, borderline sociopathic. This new man is his dangerous alternate personality who goes by the name of ‘Ian Price.’ For years he’s battled Ian, keeping him in check with a powerful experimental sedative.  But now his – their – body has developed a resistance to the serum, setting Ian free once again. And to make matters worse, after being suppressed for so long, Ian’s hell-bent on taking revenge on his oppressor. With everyone Jason cares about at risk – patients, friends, coworkers and even the woman he loves – he’s got to stop Ian once and for all. Will they find some common ground, or will they bring each other down? Hell hath no fury like an alter ego scorned.

“Infamous” — When wealthy socialite and notorious party girl Vivian Bowers is found dead of an overdose, no one is really surprised.  The heiress to the Bowers pharmaceutical empire has been tabloid fodder for years: wild, pretty, privileged… and now dead at the age of 32.  But for FBI agent Will Moreno (Laz Alonso, “Avatar”), things don’t add up with this suspicious dynasty.  Convinced that the troubled girl’s death was a homicide, he has a clever plan to get to the truth.  Her name is Detective Joanna Locasto (Meagan Good, “Think Like a Man”).  Twenty years ago she was Vivian’s best friend and practically grew up inside the Bowers’ home.  And when she appears at Vivian’s funeral, the family re-embraces her and no one is the wiser.  Joanna quickly begins to uncover dark secrets and clues about why Vivian’s life was very much in danger.  At the same time, she rekindles an old romantic relationship and rediscovers the allure of the luxurious lifestyle she once knew.  She’s about to see once again just how the other half lives… and dies.

]]> http://poptimal.com/2012/05/first-look-at-nbcs-new-shows/feed/ 0 http://poptimal.com/2012/05/nbc-announces-2012-13-fall-tv-schedule/ http://poptimal.com/2012/05/nbc-announces-2012-13-fall-tv-schedule/#comments Sun, 13 May 2012 21:18:03 +0000 Bilal Mian http://poptimal.com/?p=78094 NBC has announced their primetime television schedule for the Fall 2012-13 schedule. Some noticeable changes include the move of Whitney and fan favorite Community to Friday nights as a lead in for Grimm.  The network has also decided to bench Smash till Midseason where it will air with no breaks week to week.

NBC FALL 2012-13 SCHEDULE
*New programs in UPPER CASE; all times ET)

MONDAY
8-10 p.m. – “The Voice”
10-11 p.m. – “REVOLUTION”

TUESDAY
8-9 p.m. –”The Voice”
9-9:30 p.m. – “GO ON”
9:30-10 p.m. – “THE NEW NORMAL”
10-11 p.m. – “Parenthood”

WEDNESDAY
8-8:30 p.m. – “ANIMAL PRACTICE”
8:30-9 p.m. – “GUYS WITH KIDS”
9-10 p.m. – “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit”
10-11 p.m. – “CHICAGO FIRE”

THURSDAY
8-8:30 p.m. – “30 Rock”
8:30-9 p.m. – “Up All Night”
9-9:30 p.m. – “The Office”
9:30-10 p.m. – “Parks and Recreation”
10-11 p.m. – “Rock Center with Brian Williams”

FRIDAY
8-8:30 p.m. – “Whitney”
8:30-9 p.m. – “Community”
9-10 p.m. – “Grimm”
10-11 p.m. – “Dateline NBC”

SATURDAY
Encore programming

SUNDAY (Fall 2012)
7- 8:15 p.m. — “Football Night in America”
8:15-11:30 p.m. — “NBC Sunday Night Football”

SUNDAY (Post-football/Winter 2013)
7-8 p.m. – “Dateline NBC”
8-9 p.m. – “Fashion Star”
9-10 p.m. – “The Celebrity Apprentice”
10-11 p.m. – “DO NO HARM”

Speaking of Cas, he’s still not all there. While he’s regained his memory and feels sorry for what he did, he’s become fairly apathetic to the whole thing. I guess after everything he’s gone through, you’d either go crazy forever or just make yourself stop caring in order to cope. In any case he’s best friends with Meg now, and they make quite the odd couple.

Kevin (Osric Chau) gets taken by Edgar, and Dick (James Patrick Stewart) has him translate the text again in exchange for his mom’s life. Once they find out it’s a recipe to kill them, Edgar is dispatched to take care of it.

Sam (Jared Padalecki) and Dean (Jensen Ackles) summon Crowley, who tells them that he’ll help, but he wants to wait until the boys have all of the ingredients before he makes his donation. The king is a little paranoid, and they still need the blood of an alpha monster and the bone of a human, as pure as Leviathans are evil. Crowley let’s them know that the only alpha that survived was the vampire, and gives them the location of where they can begin their hunt.

They eventually make their way to Missoula, MT after one of the alpha’s special virgin blood doner slash daughter leads them to his summer house, which backfires due to her bad case of Stockholm syndrome. The Alpha is expecting them and can’t believe that his good friend Dick Roman would double cross him. But the evidence is hard to dismiss, with vampires dying when they ingest blood tainted with additives from Leviathan created mass produced food.

Edgar shows up, so Alpha decides to give him the benefit of the doubt. Since they are kind of like kin right? But Edgar doesn’t think so. In fact he goes on to tell Alpha Vamp that his mother was a whore. Ouch. So it finally gets through his thick vampire skull that he’s being double crossed, and just before Edgar is able to kill him, Sam and Dean come to the rescue. Alpha finally decides to give his blood to get rid of the now common enemy. He’ll see them next season (because Supernatural has been renewed for season 8!).

Sam and Dean head back to their motel to find Bobby gone after they had locked the flask in the room safe. Bobby got so pissed that he possessed one of the chambermaids and walked himself out, presumably to go after Dick.

Dick has summoned Crowley and has him under a very fancy devil’s trap, keeping him nice and safe and out of the Winchesters’ grasp. I wonder if demons can resist being summoned, though, since there appears to be a fairly good chance they’ll get trapped in the aftermath. Seems safer not to bother showing up in the first place.

While this episode moved things along and has given the boys some semblance of a game plan, it feels kind of anticlimactic. I may recant my initial reaction, which was relief at having Bobby (Jim Beaver) back again, because him being a ghost and the possibility of Sam and Dean having to exorcise him takes a little of the grandeur of his sacrifice away. The more I think about it, it’s also disappointing that Dick’s Big Bad Plan was to just eliminate the competition and have an endless supply of tasty food.

Give me the apocalypse any day, because at least there you had intense drama of brother versus brother and angel versus angel. In comparison, this is kind of boring. That said, the writers haven’t let me down yet so there must be some twist in next week’s season finale that will blow the mind. Here’s hoping.

Season 7, Episode 22: There Will Be Blood (originally aired May 11, 2012)

Supernatural airs Friday nights at 8/7c on The CW

Images courtesy of Jeff Weddell and The CW

As we learned several weeks ago, William Bell (Leonard Nimoy) is alive, and pulling the strings behind the ‘let’s collapse both universes and make a better one’ plan. On part 1 of the finale, Astrid (Jasika Nicole) was shot and Bell took Walter away to his little ship of horrors (or, as Peter refers to it, his ark – teehee). Friday night’s part 2 began with Olivia and Peter getting a frantic phone call from Jessica (Rebecca Mader), who says she feels as though she’s been followed since leaving their lab. You’ll remember she’s the redhead that Olivia saved using her powers last week, the one who touched the escalator and then almost combusted.

As the shot pans out, we see September (Michael Cerveris), our favorite Observer, in the house with Jessica. As he tries to follow her into the other room, however, he notices his feet are stuck in place. A strange symbol, like the ones favored by the cult creating new hybrid creatures (and that we now know is spearheaded by William Bell) is painted onto the floor. When Olivia (Anna Torv) and Peter (Joshua Jackson) arrive, they find no Jessica, and no Observer, just a circular hole in the floor where he was previously.

The plot begins to move as they get a call from Broyles (Lance Reddick), telling them Astrid has been found and is in the hospital, at which point they also realize that no one knows where Walter (John Noble) has gotten off to. Astrid is magically okay after taking a bullet to the back of the chest, and tells the team that she and Walter were at a warehouse on the waterfront looking for William Bell. When Olivia and Peter make the trek down there, they find September being held hostage by Jessica, who shoots him in the chest with a specially designed gun. The bullets whip out too fast for even the genetically advanced Observer to catch, but not too fast for Olivia, who is growing more powerful by the minute as the cortexiphan in her blood activates and intensifies. She accidentally bounces the bullets back at Jessica, killing their only link to William Bell and finding Walter.

Oh yeah, and saving two universes.

By calling Nina (Blair Brown) in to question the mostly dead Jessica in an uber creepy, eye-twitchy scene, they learn Bell has found the alternate energy source he needs to collapse the worlds. It’s Olivia. I definitely didn’t see that coming until about thirty seconds before they said it, so nicely done there. The revelation sets up both the Observer’s prophecy that in all possible futures, Olivia has to die, and the cliffhanger from the future episode in which Walter says they can never forgive Bell for “what he did to Olivia.”

The question for me is, will Olivia have the balls to kill herself, knowing she’s fated to be the destruction of the world? We have to wait and see, because whatever Olivia is, she’s not the type of girl to give in before exploring all possible options. If they can find and stop Bell, then maybe she won’t have to sacrifice herself.

In a heart stopping scene, in which the team is in a helicopter above open water, Nina realizes the freighter carrying William Bell has crossed into the alternate universe. Which means Peter can see it, but no one else can, a fact that sets up an ultimate display of trust for he and Olivia. He can see the freighter, and her abilities can help them onto it, but both has to trust the other to do their part. It works, landing our super couple on Bell’s ship of horrors with only moments to spare.

Bell has been spouting crazy man talk to Walter about the new world he’ll create, and how it is their duty to reshape the earth because they have the intelligence and power to do so. He also reveals that the idea was originally Walter’s, which is the reason they cut out that piece of his brain all those years ago. When Olivia and Peter crash the party,Bell makes states killing him will not stop what has already begun, due to the enormous amounts of unstoppable energy coming off of Olivia.

It’s completely clear to me – and has been for at least the last twenty minutes of the episode – that Olivia is going to have to die. Peter loves her too much to do it, so I had guessed that she would see what needs to happen and kill herself.

I was wrong.

In perhaps the only shocking moment of the night, Walter turns and shoots Olivia in the center of her forehead. Bell disappears as the conflation of the worlds immediately ceases without our girl to power it. Peter is distraught, of course, but pulls himself moderately together as Walter tells him they could still save his love. Due to the cortexiphan in her system, her brain can heal itself if they get the bullet out, which they do.

One of the best things about Fringe is this: Olivia could have died. Unlike so many shows, where we feel as though the main characters are “safe” from mortal harm, it’s not so in the Fringe universe. I didn’t think they would kill her, but honestly? I wasn’t a hundred percent sure.

In the hospital, Olivia tells Peter she’s pregnant. Broyles is promoted to General, Nina Sharp is hired as the Fringe Division’s head of science.

The finale ends with September visiting Walter in the lab, urging him to warn the Fringe team that the “others” are coming.

The moments between Peter and Olivia made this episode work. Their chemistry, their devotion to one another, just leaps off the screen and straight into our hearts. Her struggling to tell him she’s pregnant, and his subsequent reaction to the news, had my heart pounding like a bongo drum, even though I knew what was coming. I don’t want to take anything away from what they brought to those moments with what I’m about to say next.

Although I loved the episode set in the future a few weeks ago as a self-contained idea, it effectively stole all of the tension from the final weeks. The components of the two-part finale that should have been shocking – the return of William Bell, Olivia’s pregnancy, the fact that the other Observers are coming to wage war on the present – weren’t at all. We knew William Bell was alive, that Olivia and Peter have a daughter, and that the future is a grim place overrun with immoral Observers. So those moments when the music and the writing and the long pauses wanted me to suck in my breath and go ‘oh my what I didn’t see that coming’… didn’t work. It all felt kind of ho-hum, to be honest.

In addition to the way they spoiled their own finale, I just don’t buy William Bell as the crazy guy. I don’t. There’s no setup, no hints, no background. The man Walter and Nina remember is nothing like this psychotic willing to sacrifice millions of people to be a god. We need some context if it’s to be believable. I realize people are going to disagree with me on this, but it’s how I feel.

I’m hoping Season 5 brings us some new questions, and not just the live action version of how the Observers infiltrate and conquer the present. I hope we get to see more of the alternate world, and perhaps even see the bridge reopened in the months to come. And of course, I hope they find a way to save the future from its grim fate, and that Olivia and Peter survive to raise their daughter.

As opposed to the previous Fringe finales, when we’re left on crazy cliffhangers that leave our brains working on potential outcomes for the long summer months ahead, this one presented no questions or answers, not really. It didn’t give us much of anything except a couple of Emmy-worthy performances from our romantic leads, but I suppose this time, that’s going to have to be enough.

Season 4, Episode 22 “A Brave New World Part 2” (originally aired May 11, 2012)

Fringe airs Friday nights at 9/8c on Fox.

Images courtesy of Fox.

Members of worldwide geek culture as well as those longing for the hilarious hijinks of that awesome era when comedic movies reigned, aka the 80’s, should be thrilled to know that indie filmmakers Chris Blundell and Jordan Fuller share the nostalgia. The artistic duo hailing from the UK have embarked on a pioneering journey to create the first ever feature animated film comprised entirely from pixel animation, giving their movie that sweet, old school, 8-bit video game look, while at the same time paying homage to the quintessential comedies that made the eighties the priceless period that it was. While they’re clearly going for a fun and unique style here, it won’t be without its modern aspects as the animation process will still incorporate flecks of HD and 3D components along with a jokey script.

The project in place, titled The Hit Squad, is described by its creators as Family Guy/Nintendo/Spinal Tap concoction and follows the story of Roddy Stones and his nearly defunct band as they try to crawl out of their eighties rut to raise a cool million to save their studio from falling into the hands of their rivals.  Together, the band battles to create the next big album and rocket them back to success all while satirically tackling life’s every day conflicts. And like any good video game inspired event, everything leads up to the big “Boss” battle at the end.

Blundell and Fuller, or the Super Pixel Brothers as they’re known in the YouTube realm, are in no way novices to the world of animation. Their online animated comedy shorts have earned them over 1,400 subscribers and in a place that is oversaturated with content ranging from the good to the absolutely horrific, the boys should be proud to have amassed themselves a solid fanbase. However, The Hit Squad is a little bit of an advanced endeavor here. The vision has taken time to fully materialize, as with any well thought out idea, and after five years of formulating, The Hit Squad was finally introduced in a teaser trailer on May 8^th.

Like they say, Rome wasn’t built in a day, but the second part of that adage they neglect to mention was the price tag. Film making is a process that tends to be ruled by the almighty dollar and, in a somewhat ironic way, it’s become an art-imitating-life situation as the producing duo are currently struggling to raise about $25,000 to get the film in motion. Anytime a creative idea is brought to light, I guarantee you that someone, somewhere, can come up with a way to alter the details and for that reason precisely Blundell, Fuller and their team have called it quits on looking for big studio funding and have instead been relying solely on the public for a little help by way of indiegogo.com. Creating a donation campaign on the world funding platform not only allows them to keep their creativity in tact but at the same time it’s a great way to involve the fans. For a little cash, supporters can receive “perks” from the crew ranging anywhere from free dvds and posters to movie premiere tickets to an animated role in the film and beyond. Spending a modest five bucks will get you recognition on their website as well as a credit on the comedy’s imdb.com page. But for the all of you big spenders out there with an extra $5,000 lying around, your donation will earn you a place as an executive producer for the film and, I must admit, that sounds pretty badass.

The Hit Squad is on a successful marketing rampage to get their likeness out there citing several outlets you can use to eventually view the movie such as Hulu, Netflix, and various UK cinemas to name a few. They’re well on their way to raising the necessary capital with an expectant release date of late November this year but they still need your help. Check out their site and trailer at ILoveTheHitSquad.com along with their online crowdfunding campaign at indiegogo.com/thehitsquad and see how you can be a part of pixelated history.

The Dictator Junket was what you’d expect it to be for a Sacha Baron Cohen movie — ridiculous, over the top, and full of laughs. Broken up into two panels, one featuring Sir Ben Kingsley and Jason Montzaukas and the other featuring Admiral General Aladeen, the cast shared laughs about the film’s crazier moments. Here are the Top 10 Moments from the junket.

10.  Beard Wig Testing
You’d think picking a beard would be a simple task for a movie, but according to Montzaukas there was an entire process behind it. ”I remember one day we finished 14 hours of something absurd. I was so excited. ‘I’m gonna go home, I’m gonna get hammered, and I’m gonna crash,’ and he’s (Sacha Baron Cohen) all we’re about to do four hours of wet wig testing, where they came in and tested all these different types of beard wigs.”

9. How does one research a role for The Dictator?
One would expect that for a movie like The Dictator, most actors would just show up and read lines off the script, but according to Ben Kingsley there was a lot of research out there for his role.

Kingsley: You just need to look at the current news footage of these terrifying guys. Behind Ghaddafi, behind Saddam, just behind them is the man in the dark glasses. He’s corrupt; he’s wheeling and dealing, arms dealing, oil dealing, and mineral’s rights dealing. He cares very little about his own country or the well being of his own people and is probably related to the dictator himself… I could recognize my character from so many sources — newsreel, stills, photographs, scraps of documentary evidence that would come our way. I just knew that this guy has always existed and does exist right now.

Montzaukas: I started researching a lot of homemade bombs and nuclear devices, which has put me on some watch lists.

Press: Do you think you have it done?

Montzaukas: Noooo, nooooo, noooo……*whispers and winks* I do.

8. Did Sir Ben Kingsley enjoy his kiss with Sacha Baron Cohen?
Here’s a question no one thought Kingsley would answer seriously. Boy were we shocked.

Kingsley: You will have to kiss me or Sacha to know the answer. It’s beyond description.

Press Member: What went through your mind?

Jason: This is a pretty weird crowd, a bunch of weirdos.

Kingsley: *takes a deep breath and sighs* I’m playing the guy’s uncle and I have to in a sense shepard him and go along with him. I’m not related in any way to his double. The double is someone I’ve hired who is a loose cannon and needs to be guided. He has no idea about social interaction. All he knows about is goats. Any ambush of the double character was completely consistent with the story of the film. So what goes through the actor’s mind when he has to make love to somebody who kills somebody or insults somebody or do something shocking for the audience………I’m answering your question honestly. I deserve some credit for this.

7. How set in stone was the script?
Montzaukas: The way it worked for the scenes I was in was we’d do the script so they had the shots for the script, but they let us explore. What I really loved about what they were doing a lot of times was — Here this guy, whose a comedic genius, here are these writers who are also geniuses, who ran Seinfeld, who did Borat/Bruno, people who truly are such sharp comedic minds, who said “we could make this funnier,” “there’s a funnier version of this. Let’s figure it out. Let’s beat this.” There was a tenacious, relentless pursuit of finding “what the best, funniest version of this.”

6. How did the Arab Spring affect the script?
Kingsley: Sacha is a true member of his society. He started prepping this movie two years before the Arab spring. Seriously writing, gestating, and gather it. Sacha has an amazing intuition in the direction his work is taking him and he will reflect it comedically, so you get the terrible news without the pain because it’s so wonderfully funny. Then by the time Jason and I joined the Arab Spring had erupted. It was present everywhere in the media. We weren’t creating a series of gags in a vacuum, but we were being political satirists.

Jason: When I did a table read for the movie, it was a movie that I had heard was written for years and all the Arab Spring stuff just started happening. I asked them that exact question. This seems bizarely presence right now. I really do think those guys, Sacha and the writers, really do have their fingers on what’s going on out there.

5. There will be a decapitated head
Jason: (Jokingly) How many more scenes were there with the decapitated head? I’m not going to lie; we shot an entire shadow puppet movie shot with me the decapitated head. I’m here to announce the spin-off movie is me, Sir Ben, and the decapitated head. It’s a buddy movie. It’s pretty terrific. It’s a road movie. We have to get to Arizona so I can win my girlfriend back. The only way to win her back is with the head. Spoiler Alert: We don’t end up together.

There were more of scenes of when he (Sacha) wakes me up with the head, in the shower with the head, there were a couple more beats of that kinda same stuff.

4. Sacha Baron Cohen is committed to his role of Admiral General Aladeen
How committed is Cohen to the role of Admiral General Aladeen? His appearance started with a flock of his Wadiyan supporters carrying posters of their supreme leader while chanting his name. Soon after the Wadiyan leader walked into the press junket, escorted by his army of women. How committed are these women? I never saw one crack a smile, even when the entire junket was bawling with laughter.

3. Aladeen’s Favorite Movies and the differences between the Wadiyan Film Industry and Hollywood
Admiral General Aladeen: I like the fantasy films like Lord of the Rings and Schindler’s List.  I’m also a fan of Sherlock Holmes; there is always a twist at the end where they solve the case, which I never see coming. My favorite film ever was from 1963 that features JFK in Dallas.

There are differences between the Wadiyan Film Industry and Hollywood. People say I am extravagant in using 20 trillion bottles of Fiji water every day to make snow for my ski resort in the middle of the desert, but am I the person who created John Carter. Believe me, there are bigger bombs than John Carter. When it comes to making films, I am a purist. I demand the highest standards. I don’t rely on the dodgy CGI. If I need 10,000 villages to be driven off a cliff, I make it happen.

2. Who are Aladeen’s favorite of the dictators and why?
Aladeen: It has been a tough year. We have lost a lot of good people and I have lost a lot of good friends. *Looks up at the sky* Ghaddafi, I miss you….. Sorry *Looks down at the ground* Ghaddafi, I miss you.

Also KJ, Kimmy-G, Kim Jong, and of course Chavez died last month. Oops you didn’t hear that from me. It’s just a coincidence that he hasn’t shown up for the past two months.  Ahmedinejad is still around, but he is an embarrassment. He looks like a snitch from Miami Vice. Why does he not wear a tie? Does he think every day in Iran is casual Friday? WTF! What the fuck!

1. What are Aladeen’s favorite TV shows?
Aladeen: In Wadiya we have our own version of Two and a Half Men, but it used to be called Three Men. One got caught trying to stealing a grapefruit. I also love the TV program 24. Do you have it here? We play it backwards so it has a happy ending. Also Laverne and Shirley, I like it, it’s good fun. It’s not cruel, which I like, so I can show it to one of my 1,600 children and not worry about it. All of them are boys, total coincidence. We also have Wadiyan Idol in which the people build a massive statue of me.

The Dictator opens Friday, May 18.

Images courtesy of Editor Bilal Mian.

One way or another details on upcoming games tend to find their way out of the grasp of videogames publishers and onto the internet ahead of the companies’ wishes. Accidental website postings by retailers, registered domains, or even the packaging for a series of action figures can let the cat out of the bag, which happens to be the case with Halo 4.

The back of the packaging on McFarlane Toys upcoming series of Halo 4 figures teases two unannounced enemies — the Crawler, a four-legged looking hound, and the Watcher, a robust looking beetle.

According to the packaging, the figures in McFarlane’s first series include Master Chief, Elite Zealot, Grunt Storm, and the Spartan Warrior, with a second series marked as Coming Soon, which includes Cortana, Spartan Soldier, Crawler, and Watcher.

The box also teases a secret enemy figure “unlike anything before” for Holiday 2012. Could this possibly be a Forerunner, the ancient civilization thought to have gone extinct? Time will tell.

Source – Xbox-Skyer

Curriculum Unavailable

Description: You are not authorized to view this information because you are not a student at Greendale Community College. Please contact an enrollment officer for further information.

–

It seems that the repercussions of being expelled from Greendale are pretty slight. It’s been two months and the study group seems to be in great spirits. In fact, they have arranged a potluck dinner at Troy and Abed’s apartment, all cheer and happiness. It takes no time at all for the other shoe to drop, “Abed brought delicious…police,” Troy (Donald Glover) comments as Abed walks into the apartment dressed as Inspector Space Time, only in handcuffs escorted by a police officer. Looks like someone is having a tough time from being expelled after all. Turns out Abed was going through trash at Greendale and was arrested. The Dean gave explicit instructions that if Abed sees a psychiatrist, he won’t press charges.

With no other recourse, the entire study group goes to see the Dean’s recommended shrink, Doctor Hidey. The whole group is there because Abed won’t go to any doctor on his own. “We caught him last year trying to remove his own tonsils,” Troy explains to the soft spoken psychiatris.t A montage unspools in which the group looks back at Abed’s erratic behavior in the weeks leading up to their expulsion, including a cafeteria confrontation with Shirley, who has just seen the crap-fest Tower Heist. “I really think this Bret Ratner could be the new Spielberg.” She muses, at which point Abed quickly leaves in a huff but not before getting in her face, “You’re a bad person. You Are A Bad Person.”

But needless to say, it has been a crazy year for everyone, which we get to see through another montage in which Britta takes peyote, and Jeff freaks out over letting Annie borrow his suit jacket amongst other things. None of this stops Hidey from recommending that Abed be committed. This does not go over well with the group, particularly Troy, “Please don’t send my best friend to crazy people jail!” Jeff (Joel McHale) also rushes to Abed’s aid, explaining what a disastrous place Greendale was, “It was a messed up place; we had lockers.”

More montage sequences take us through the many and sundry ways of how the school sucks, mainly a crash course of some of the worst college classes in existence (Can I Fry That, Baby Talk, Ladders). And although they spend some quality time trashing the school, they also acknowledge that Greendale’s got our back, specifically another montage that finds the Dean alerting them of a fire before anyone else, bringing them free pizza, singing to them on the campus-wide intercom singing, etc. “You know what all those great memories have in common? Dean Pelton!” Annie (Alison Brie) realizes.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you guys for the past two months,” Abed says plainly,“We weren’t expelled by the real Dean.”  But then Dr. Hidey drops a bomb: Greendale doesn’t exist. In a twist fit for any DiCaprio/Scorscese suspense thriller, Hidey explains that Greendale was never a community college, but in fact, an asylum. “You experienced a shared psychosis.” He rationalizes. He explains that the study group came to Greendale because of their respective flaws (Jeff had his fake law degree, Troy was a failed football hero, Annie was a drug addict). Another montage sequence further peels back the layers as we watch the study group in a real insane asylum called Greendale where they crazily re-enact some of the show’s more memorable moments; Abed and Troy jump on a mattress and talk about their “secret trampoline”, Jeff and Britta pretend to play paintball.

They leave the session, but quickly realize that Dr. Hidey was totally full of shit. Jeff runs back into the office and sees him sneaking out the window. The study group confronts him: Abed has 200 pictures of the school on his phone, Annie is wearing a Greendale backpack. Turns out Dr. Hidey was hired by Chang to try and screw with the study group in the hopes that they never return to Greendale. With the plain foiled, they now know that they have to rescue the Dean and reclaim the school for themselves. “…and we definitely can’t do another paintball,” Abed says.

Paintball or no, Community leading up to a mega-epic finale that will no doubt climax into a large forward assault on the school and on Chang and his pre-teen minions. This arc is no doubt the craziest that the show has ever gotten, but in its world, it works perfectly because it has been set up well enough. The show has just been renewed for a truncated fourth season, but hopefully the network will realize that their new comedies once again suck-ass and will find the brain juice to order the ba/ck eleven episodes sooner rather than later.

Season 3, Episode 19: “Curriculum Unavailable” (original airdate May 10, 2012)

Community airs Thursdays at 8/7c on NBC.

Images courtesy of NBC Universal.

CBS

Renewed

• 2 Broke Girls
• The Amazing Race
• The Big Bang Theory
• Blue Bloods
• Criminal Minds
• CSI
• CSI: New York
• The Good Wife
• Hawaii Five-0
• How I Met Your Mother
• The Mentalist
• Mike & Molly
• NCIS
• NCIS: Los Angeles
• Person of Interest
• Rules of Engagement
• Survivor
• Two and a Half Men
• Undercover Boss

• 30 Rock – Final Season: 13 Episodes
• The Biggest Loser
• Celebrity Apprentice
• Community – 13 Episode Renewal
• Fashion Star
• Grimm
• Harry’s Law
• Law & Order: SVU
• The Office
• Parenthood
• Parks and Recreation – 22 Episode Renewal
• Smash
• The Voice
• Up All Night
• Whitney

Canceled

• Are You There, Chelsea?
• Awake
• Bent
• Best Friends Forever
• Chuck – Series Final Aired in January
• Fear Factor
• Free Agents
• The Firm
• The Marriage Rep
• Minute to Win It
• The Playboy Club
• Prime Suspect
• The Sing-Off
• Who Do You Think You Are?

FOX

Renewed

• American Dad
• American Idol
• Bob’s Burgers
• Bones
• The Cleveland Show
• Family Guy
• Fringe – Final Season: 13 Episodes
• Glee
• Kitchen Nightmares
• New Girl
• Raising Hope
• The Simpsons
• Touch
• The X Factor

Canceled

• Alcatraz
• Allen Gregory
• Breaking In
• The Finder
• House
• I Hate My Teenage Daughter
• Napoleon Dynamite
• Terranova

ABC

Renewed

• The Bachelor
• The Bachelorette
• Body of Proof
• Castle
• Cougar Town – Moving to TBS for Season 4
• Dancing With The Stars
• Don’t Trust The B— in Apartment 23
• Grey’s Anatomy
• Happy Endings – 22 Episode Order
• Last Man Standing
• The Middle
• Modern Family
• Once Upon A Time
• Private Practice
• Revenge
• Scandal
• Suburgatory
• Shark Tank

Canceled

• Charlie’s Angels
• Desperate Housewives
• Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
• GCB
• Man Up
• Missing
• Pan Am
• The River
• Work It

The CW

Renewed

• 90210
• America’s Next Top Model
• Gossip Girl – Final Season (11 Episodes)
• Hart of Dixie
• Nikita
• Supernatural
• The Vampire Diaries

Canceled

• H8R
• One Tree Hill
• Ringer
• Remodeled
• The Secret Circle

Lately, with so few contestants left standing, Idol has had a lot more time to kill during the show. So instead of one theme for the week, they’ve been going with two, which not only allows the singers to showcase their skills even more but also tests their endurance with double solo performances and various group songs throughout the show. “California Dreamin’” was the first theme, and a fitting one at that since one, if not all of them, could be potentially finding their way to a new Hollywood lifestyle. The second round’s theme was all about choosing a song that has inspired the singers in their field, so, pretty much any song of their preference was acceptable.

Jessica chose an Etta James song for her first round song followed by one of her favorites, Jennifer Holliday’s “And I’m Telling You”, as her second round pick. Needless to say, she was awesome. There’s pretty much nothing more you can say about Jessica that hasn’t been said week after week. It’s exhausting to watch the judges try to come up with something new and original every time; it almost feels like I’m watching the same damn episode on repeat every week. The same goes for Joshua who is currently holding the record for the most standing ovations from the judging panel. We get it- you love him. The boy can do no wrong and he’s the best singer on any television singing competition according to Randy Jackson. Josh’s rendition of James Brown’s “It’s A Man’s Man’s Man’s World” only solidified it further for the panel, and for the voters.

Steven Tyler rarely says anything of substance during the critiquing process but when he made the statement about Phillip that he’s seen him go from “not caring in the beginning to getting better and still not caring”, it made perfect, coherent sense. Phil enjoys being on American Idol, but he accepts the reality that he may not win and he seems perfectly fine with that. He’s improved and gained valuable experience so far and may care about his place in the competition a bit more now, yet still not enough to change who he is to become popular and for that, he deserves to be there. Phil’s performances from last week were considered lackluster but this week was an unquestionable step up. He chose Creedance Clearwater Revival’s “Have You Ever Seen The Rain” which was great but, it was his second choice, Damien Rice’s “Volcano”, that was nothing less than striking and dramatic.

Picking the right song for their abilities as well as what would blow the audience away at this juncture in the competition has always been stressed from day one. Jimmy Iovine was there for the mentoring process for the second round and admitted to not to saying yay or nay to the contestants’ song choices in hopes that by now they’d know how to meet the expectations. They were entirely on their own and proved that maybe they do in fact know what they’re doing, with the exception of our usual underdog, Hollie.

Hollie had auditioned for season ten of the show but didn’t make it quite as far as she has with season eleven. She’s had a rocky journey and last night showed just how hot and cold she can be up on the stage. The judges have coached and educated Hollie on ways to excel, and relax, until they’ve been blue in the face. Sometimes it gets through to her, as with her first song of the night, “Faithfully” from Journey, where her performance was deemed “beautiful” but other times it doesn’t, like when her second round song, Bonnie Rait’s “I Can’t Make You Love Me”, caused her confidence to collapse with the judges telling her she flat out didn’t have the experience to carry the emotional tune. While none of the singers are in any way, shape, or form awful, Hollie definitely had the worst feedback of the evening.

Sometimes the judges’ negative criticisms can be the kiss of death for the contestants and this is especially true in these final weeks. Everyone has been so great thus far and if you haven’t yet chosen a favorite that you think deserves to win, it can be hard to decide who to vote for. Although the judges aim to help each singer better themselves, a mere three-person panel’s opinions can have a huge subconscious effect on the public’s thinking, which I feel happens quite often. If Jennifer, Steven, and Randy didn’t like a performance, they must be right! Right? Well, regardless of how it happened, everyone seemed to agree that Hollie was at the bottom of her game this week and she would be cut from the show. The “darkhorse” of the competition has clearly gone lame in the public’s opinion and, unfortunately, it was only a matter of time.

Season 11, Episodes 35 & 36: Top 4 Perform and Results (originally aired May 9 & 10, 2012).

For more American Idol tune in to FOX Wednesdays & Thursdays 8/7 Central.

Images courtesy of American Idol and FOX.

Eva Mendes is Grace (no last name, it’s apparently not important) and is instantly annoying, through no fault of her own, it’s just her character. She is a young mother who wants a young woman’s life, even if it’s at the expense of her child, who takes a backseat to Grace’s fucked-out priorities. Nothing could be more off-putting. Why would you ever care about a person like this? Sure, she works two jobs. Sure she doesn’t have a car. Sure, she tries to do good. But she’s also sleeping with a married doctor (Matthew Modine), blasts loud music and dances around her room all night like a teenager, and can’t seem to cook a home cooked meal for anyone other than herself. Her biggest struggle in the film is finding funds to pay for her daughter’s tuition in a private high school, which in and of itself is a totally stump-dumb decision that earns her no sympathy points; PUT YOUR GODDAMN KID IN PUBLIC SCHOOL. IT’S NOT THAT DIFFICULT.

That goddamn kid, by the way, is Ansiedad (Cierra Ramirez), a super-precocious, sixteen year old Ferris Bueller-type who searches for guidance and structure. When we meet her during a parent-show-and-tell day at school (sans parents for some reason) Ansiedad prepares a deep Powerpoint presentation about her ridiculous mother. She tells the class to put on 3D glasses located under their seats, even though the presentation doesn’t look 3D at all (within the film realm. I know Girl in Progress is not a 3D movie. Yeesh.) I guess we’re supposed to realize what a firecracker Ansiedad is here, but whatever. Later, she has an English class taught by Patricia Arquette, who is giving a lesson about Coming of Age stories and the trials young people go through only to emerge as adults by the end. Ansiedad goes to the library and begins collecting research on these trials. A lightbulb goes off in her head. Now, if you’re thinking that she is going to try and devise a way for her mother to go through these trials so she stops acting like a child and becomes more of an adult…you’d be totally wrong. But congratulations- You are twice as smart as this movie is! As it happens, Ansiedad instead elects to put herself through these coming of age trials in an effort to GTFO of her mother’s ill-structured roof.

This concept is the perfect example of the filmmakers creative failings- putting Grace through these trials in effort to force her out of a state of arrested development is contrived, but coming from the mind of a teenager, cute and believable enough; having Ansiedad go through them just feels plainly contrived. The filmmakers disconnect from the material grows even more apparent in all the scenes that take place in high school. The way the kids talk, the condescending characterizations, the wardrobe and style; it all reeks of people who think they know how teens think, talk, and act, but really have no clue whatsoever. Take the climactic house party, for example. Ansiedad’s friend finds a flyer for the party which isn’t going to happen for another three weeks. Guys, this is not a fucking rock show. This is a high school house party. No kid throwing a party like that would advance that much notice about it for risk of either being caught or people forgetting about it. All it really ends up being is a plot tool to set up a ticking clock for Ansiedad, which still proves ineffective.

The film continues to make illogical leaps throughout its running time, like having Matthew Modine wear a lab coat to the local Starbucks, which is the only way we know he’s a doctor because he’s such an inconsequential character. Or how about a character nicknamed “Mission: Impossible”, which not only is a fucking awful name, but the origin of which is never, ever explained. Even more insane is a strangely offensive sense of humor that is peppered across the film. Grace’s day job at a local crab shack has a Chinese cook she calls “Chow Fun”; there is also a server who’s biggest failing in her personal character, it is explained by their boss, is the fact that her husband beats her. I’m not kidding. Later in the film, she can’t come in because she “got into a fight with a flight of stairs.” This was meant to be a joke in the scene. For a quasi-Latino film, if these were jokes in a “mainstream” film made at the expense of the Latino demo, there would be protests in the street. Here, it goes unnoticed.

Girl in Progress is a universally bad movie. Not the bad kind of SyFy channel B-movie, but it’s the kind of film that is painting by the numbers, trying so hard to be something cool and unique but is too afraid to do anything except remain comfortably inside the box. While the production and photography is weak, and the directing is done without any sort of spirit or style, the real culprit here is the writing. Hiram Martinez crafts a screenplay so painfully naïve and superficial, it kind of makes you wonder how this movie even got off the ground based on the source material. Take some dialogue said by the crab shack boss to Mission: Impossible one night, “Do to the trash what your ex-girlfriend did to you and dump it!” Are you fucking for real? Director Patricia Riggen should also be ashamed of herself for not having enough capable story sense to realize the epic faults of the narrative and of the myriad jokes that fall dead flat in every single scene. It’s astounding when a movie like this gets a theatrical release, especially in the horse race of summer, up against the likes of Dark Shadows and The Dictator, counter-programming be damned. Girl in Progress will probably end up finding a scant audience in its Latino demographic, but nothing is going to help overlook this disastrous experiment in showing the pitfalls and possibilities of single motherhood.

Skip it.

Images courtesy of Bob Akester and Pantelion Films.

Wes and Travis are cop partners with a big problem: each other. Everyone knows that the first step to making a relationship work is clear communication.  While Wes and Travis learn how to talk it out, here are some key pieces necessary to open the channels of communication and keep the conversation flowing.

Prize pack includes:

• Custom Carryall: Make the most of your partnership with these communication-enhancing items conveniently packed in this sturdy canvas tote.
• Tiebreakers: Flip these chips to settle a disagreement.
• Do-It-Yourself Therapy Table Topics: Play your cards right to keep the conversation flowing.
• POP Phone: To help you keep in touch when you’re apart.
• Everlast Boxing Gloves: Duke it out when words just don’t cut it.

Here’s how you can win: (No Purchase Necessary)

1. Post your comments to at least one (1) of our front page articles.

2. Email your name, email address and the name of the post you commented on to contests@poptimal.com. Put “Common Law Contest” in the subject line.

3. Wait. The winner* will be notified after May 18, 2012.

*Contest open to residents of the U.S. only.

“Boy, am I tired,” Stern said without a hint of fatigue in his voice. The morning had him on a whirlwind east coast press tour including Jimmy Fallon, The Today Show, The View, and finally this junket. Stern seems still as genuinely surprised as everyone else about his new gig, something that he was not afraid to talk about, “I was sure they made some kind of mistake because America’s Got Talent is a family values show and I’ve been disrespecting family values for years.”

Stern has been an unabashed fan of America’s Got Talent since its first year, as evident by a passing listen of his Sirius radio show, in which he is known to talk ad nauseum about the show and its contestants. Stern wants to bring honesty and transparency not just to the show, but to the genre that so desperately needs it, where he calls out American Idol and the non-Fiat driving J. Lo for doing just the opposite, “You watch American Idol, you throw up,” Stern says with that promised forthrightness, “J-Lo, I don’t understand what she’s doing there. Not every contestant can be wonderful, you have to be upfront. If I sit there in a beautiful dress and tell them they’re wonderful, nothing is going to happen.”

Though Stern promises honestly, he’s not there to skewer people who have one too many stars in their eyes, “You’ve got your nudniks, you’ve got your talent, and you’ve got something in between,” he comments of the wide swath the talent pool for the show is, “I’m not doing it to be mean, I’m doing it to be helpful and constructive.”  The empathy is unsurprising if you’ve read his book, seen his movie, or listened to his show; Stern is quite a sensitive individual as is evident by his “thanks-but-no-thanks” policy on practical jokes directed towards him, “I told Howie, ‘Howie, I don’t have a sense of humor. When practical jokes come to me, it’s not funny. I will break your nose. I’m not a strong man- you know my penis size- but I think I could punch a man.’” Or perhaps it’s even more clear when Stern recounts a situation where he “buzzed” his red X on a seven year old boy, who quickly burst into tears on stage. Stern was so saddened by the kid’s reaction that he ran up on stage and hugged him and put him through to the Vegas rounds.

Coming into its seventh summer on the air, it’s clear that Stern simply wants to be a part of the whole production rather than be put on a pedestal or worse, have to act more colorfully as he does on his radio show, “I respect what America’s Got Talent is. It’s a show that I love. I don’t want to come in there and do the Howard Stern Show, I only want to make it better. If I try to turn it into the Stern show, it’s not going to work and I would hate that.” Further pressing the issue, Stern comments on the Parent Teacher Council, who have already protested the show, assuming that all manner of lascivious behavior is going to fall from the sky as soon as Stern takes the stage, “You can’t complain about a show until you see it,” he challenges, “I invite them to view the show Monday night to see how ‘perverse’ I turn out to be.” In fact, it seems that even the acts themselves might be edgier this year than Stern, who talks about one particular act that was nothing but a man getting kicked in the nuts. Asked to up his game in the second round, he slammed a bowling ball into his defenseless sack.

Lest anyone think that this “tamer”, prime-time version of Stern is a harbinger that he is losing his edge, “I don’t think I’m losing my edge, because I’m known for my honesty and if you’re known for your honesty, you don’t lose your edge.” For the first time, America’s Got Talent is taping on the East Coast to facilitate Stern’s radio schedule, which he was very humbled by. It is concessions such as these which give him the fire to do something good for the show and for the genre. “In the past, I would take the crummiest radio station and build up the ratings. This is unusual- this is a hit show. Maybe I’ll bring young people in, I don’t know,” Stern says of his own expectations of himself, “If it doesn’t work, I’ll crawl back into my hole and lick my wounds. But I hope it does work.”

Stern has built a long, mega-successful career on being unpredictable and authentic, and it’s almost assured that his ethos with translate to America’s Got Talent with great success. “The only reason I made it in this business is I didn’t listen to critics”, he muses, “ I listened to my heart. Hopefully the audience will join us again.”

You can expect the audience to join en masse when America’s Got Talent premieres on Monday. For a guy so self-effacing, Stern is still excited and confident about his new summer job, “I expect America to fall in love with me the way my wife fell in love with me and I expect to sleep with one of you very soon.”

Same old Howard.

America’s Got Talent premieres this Monday, May 14th at 8/7c on NBC.

Images courtesy of Virginia Sherwood, Mark Seliger and NBC.

An ABC gothic soap from the 60s and early 70s, Dark Shadows was revolutionary in its time and garnered a fan following that saw it through novels, two theatrical film adaptations, an NBC revival series, comic books, and a failed reboot on The WB.  I remember catching midday reruns of the original during the summer, and was far too young but still watched the revival. Its influence is felt on many modern vampire mythologies, from Buffy to The Vampire Diaries, but it all started as a story about a small town haunted by the supernatural. Being a fan of Burton’s work, I had a cautious optimism when his Dark Shadows was announced. And there’s a Christopher Lee cameo.

In this retelling, Barnabas Collins (Depp) is familiarly cursed by his scorned lover Angelique (Eva Green), a witch who ensures that if she can’t have him, no one will. Like any good person out for vengeance, first she tears everyone he loves out of his life, before leaving him to spend eternity in a box. One-hundred and ninety-some years later, during some grounds work to build a fast food chain, Barnabas is awakened and forced to adapt in his new reality of the psychedelic 70s.

Along the way, Barnabas reacquaints himself with the town his family built, and his sullen descendants—family matriarch Elizabeth (Michelle Pfeiffer) and her rebellious daughter Carolyn (Chloe Moretz), Elizabeth’s brother Roger (Johnny Lee Miller) and his haunted son David (Gulliver McGrath), live-in and perpetually hung-over therapist Dr. Hoffman (Helena Bonham Carter), creeper groundskeeper Willie Loomis (Jackie Earle Haley), and new governess Victoria (Bella Heathcote), who bears a striking resemblance to Barnabas’ lost love Josette.

Dark Shadows has three major strikes against it. First, it has the unfortunate luxury of being the first big movie to follow the record-breaking release of The Avengers. That’s not even something I’d wish on Battleship. So, while you’re still geeking out about the Marvel superhero epic, you may have a hard time shifting gears to appreciate all the little quirks Burton’s built his career on. Second, with half a century of stories to tell, for some reason Burton and screenwriter Seth Grahame-Smith (Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter) chose to cram it all into one picture, resulting in a lot of abrupt twists and some neglected elements.

Third and lastly, I find it hard to believe anyone without a passing nostalgia for Dark Shadows in some other incarnation it’s had over the years will have a major interest in the film. Sure, the Burton/Depp fans are likely to show up, but from the comments around me after my screening, it seems as though almost no one understood a source material existed and that this wasn’t just an excuse for Johnny Depp to play a vampire and Helena Bonham Carter to act a tad bit crazed.

The quirky screenplay, which derives most of its humor from the fish-out-of-water nature of 18^th century Barnabas finding his way through the 70s, misses a few important beats when it comes to conflict. The subplot that drives the story of Angelique, now a modern day business woman systematically destroying the Collins’ family business, seems a little petty for a woman with unlimited power…or something she could’ve accomplished already. If I could live for centuries, I wouldn’t spend that time building a fishing cannery.

The scenery is all just as you’d picture it from the mind of Tim Burton, with era-specific pieces thrown in to remind us what decade we inhabit now. The colors and contrasts are striking and different, making it feel like no other vampire movie on screen, but some of it goes a tad bit overboard. The Collins house, for example, is decorated like a stone and steel Red Lobster gone awry, with giant seahorses adorning the fireplace, wood carvings of Neptune and mer-persons lining the walls, and topped off by a crystal chandelier shaped like octopus tentacles.

A neglect for many of the characters stems from the huge cast of them, which is necessary on television to build mystery, momentum, and ongoing story, but not so much for a standalone piece like this. Miller’s Roger is really an unnecessary afterthought, and the Victoria-David relationship, the whole reason Ms. Winters becomes part of the story of Dark Shadows, is all but lost in the shuffle, as is her apparent appearance as the reincarnated Josette. At one point, Moretz’s Carolyn gets a huge twist that comes far too late in the game, but tells her mother not to make a big deal about it, signaling we probably shouldn’t either.

Depp is often at his best, I think, when collaborating with Burton. But this, this is Willy Wonka Depp, not Sweeney Todd Depp. So, consider yourself warned. Eva Green, who could rival Bonham Carter at her best in the crazy department, is wildly uneven as Angelique, with a script that reduces her to lovesick and helpless, not dwelling enough on her desire for revenge.

Dark Shadows has its share of problems. Things really do fall apart a little bit in the climax, with an abrupt ending for all characters, leaving many with a what-happens-now expression. Ultimately, it’s probably just one of those stories better played out on the small screen. Still, there’s some fun to be had and, for those familiar, nostalgia to enjoy. Barnabas trying to understand modern courtship and a woman’s place in this new world make for many of the highlights. But, if you’re on the fence about this one, save yourself the admission and wait for the DVD.

Images courtesy of Warner Bros. and IMDbPro

The first Assassin’s Creed III gameplay trailer is here, showing off Ubisoft’s newest assassin, Ratonhnhaké:ton, aka Connor. The half Native American, half European ancestor of series protagonist Desmond Miles, will venture across the landscape of the American Revolution fighting anyone that comes in this way. What’s his mission? No clues have been given, but I’ll bet a pretty penny that it involves the Pieces of Eden.

The video shows off new features such as using enemies as a shield, wildlife encounters (with a bear!), fighting with mohawks, and traversing trees in a snow-covered America.

Let us know what you think of the voice for Connor and the trailer itself in the comments below.

The Voice’s

Before we get to that, let’s get to the final four. Jermaine Paul, Tony Lucca, Chris Mann and Juliette Simms, are all waiting for their chance.

First up is Jermaine Paul. Jermaine is a surprising choice for a Team Blake finalist; he’s no part country so having the country superstar Blake Shelton as his mentor seems an unlikely fit. Even Blake was surprised when Jermaine chose him, but it’s worked somehow. I honestly don’t know how Jermaine got this far, not because he’s not good, just because he’s mostly flown under the radar for me up until now. No doubt he’s had his share of smash performances, but I just don’t know. Jermaine tells us that he’s going to leave his heart on the stage, and then he does just that.

This week, Jermaine’s singing “I Believe I Can Fly,” a song which is a parallel to his time on the show. Transitioning from a background singer, Jermaine now believes that he has what it takes to make it on his own. The beginning of this performance was kind of slow, but right before the chorus Jermaine’s voice gets this timber to it that just reaches out to you and hooks you in. It’s amazing the transformation; one second it was flat, the next your face is pressed against the screen. His voice is a magnet. I’m pretty sure Christina has adopted Team Blake as an honorary affiliate of her team. For the past couple of weeks she’s been rooting on the contestants of Team Blake in a manner that is unChristina-like, she’s very positive to them. I can only assume this is because she sees Blake as the lesser of three evils when her team does not win this (no offense, Chris). Christina calls the song choice a perfect fit and says that Jermaine is a superstar, this is all true but the fact that she said it is highly suspicious.

Tony Lucca’s next, and once again I’m tired of hearing about the Mickey Mouse Club. Yeah we get it, you were on the show, a lot of its stars were famous, you’re not one of them, now you want a second chance, got it. You have one, so take it. I love Tony, I really do; but this Mickey Mouse Club thing is haunting him in this competition. If the soul crushing presence of his former flame hangs over him in his everyday life as it is in the competition, I’m surprised the guy hasn’t gone crazy by now.

This week Tony’s singing “99 Problems” and the idea of Swag Daddy singing such a pimptastic song is enough to make me giggle. Tony does a great thing with the arrangement of this song; it’s so completely different from the original that it’s worth taking notice of immediately. I’m not sure how to describe it, but it’s sort of a folksy rock arrangement and fits Tony to a “t.” The judges agree that the song was fun, even though Christina didn’t like that it was derogatory towards women and performed in front of his family. I have to sort of agree. When I saw Tony’s kid in the audience I did raise my brow a bit at the song choice, so I can’t hate on Christina for that. Adam says that the song is a metaphor for life’s problems or what not and then goes a step further by addressing her dislike by ripping off his shirt and revealing a “Team Xtina” shirt underneath. Perhaps he’s trying to get on her good side; I think he’s just showing that the hate is one-sided.

Chris Mann’s next and he tells us that he wants to go out of the competition like he came in: singing opera. Unlike the other contestants, Chris’s operatic voice seems to call for more structured and classical songs. Every now and then he has dipped his voice in the modern waters, but at his heart the classics are where it’s at. Last week, he chose “Ave Maria” and sang the mess out of it. This week he’s choosing “You Raise Me Up,” by Josh Groban.

As expected, Chris’ performance of “You Raise Me Up” is without flaw. His voice is strong and sweet, and he has this regal sereneness to him. There’s this woman doing sign language, which for some reason makes it seem even more dignified and important. Then a bunch of kids come out in white shirts and ties and start singing and signing and it’s like a big wonderful, spiritual production. It’s an enchanting performance that moves his coach Christina Aguilera to tears. I swear, his voice is a gift from God and just as I’m convinced of this the camera flashes to Joel and Victoria Osteen smiling and clapping in the audience and I completely spaz the freak out screaming like an idiot to the point that my throat still hurts. I love you Joel, I love you Chris, I love you Jesus! Home run.

Why do they keep putting Juliette Simms last? Three weeks in a row Juliette has had the coveted position of last to perform before it opens up to votes. I’m not accusing The Voice of trying to manipulate the votes or anything, but that is definitely too odd to be unintentional. Cee Lo’s confident that she’s going to win this thing, and so is Juliette. I dread that they’re right.

Juliette is singing “Freebird” this week. Her performance is good, she sounded like she usually does, I guess. (Sidenote: I actually really love her long red cape that billows in the wind machines. Great staging there for that one.) Juliette is the kind of contestant that I think the rock world can get behind. Her vibe is off track and I think that people who perceive themselves as musical “outcasts,” people who eschew pop, country, and all other ‘mainstream’ music can get behind her and see her as some sort of champion. And if true, that’s good for her and her career after The Voice is over, whether she wins or loses. Adam calls the performance “incredible” and loves the grit in Juliette’s voice. Christina tells Juliette that she did great even though she’s been feeling under the weather. If it’s true that Juliette’s not feeling well, you couldn’t tell it in her performance and that’s a credit to her.

Tribute Songs
The contestants also sang a tribute song to their coaches this week. Julitte sang “Crazy” the Gnarls Barkley hit. And there are none of the crazy production values that Cee Lo’s team is known for. No giant wings, men swinging from ladders; it’s kind of boring. Chris sings Christina’s song, “The Voice Within,” a song I have never heard and this performance doesn’t make me want to change that either. Chris doesn’t seem connected to this song and I’m not feeling any energy between him and Christina, like ‘this is in honor of you.’ But he sounds great, though it’s still boring. Jermaine sings “God Gave Me You.” First off, a. love this song, b. love this choice as a tribute song which is so perfect to thank your mentor for being there for you, and c. I’m definitely feeling the love and respect between these two guys; it’s incredibly moving. Tony sings “Harder to Breath” and it’s just okay. During his thank yous Tony takes the moment to thank not only Adam but all the coaches, because they’ve been a part of this unique experience for him.

Collaboration Performances
This week the contestants also got together with their mentors to perform a song. Chris and Christina sang “The Prayer” by Andrea Bocelli. That has the insane potential to be so amazing, his voice, her voice, that song. And the performance definitely follows through, their voices are perfect together and it’s a very spiritual performance. Loved it. Cee Lo and Juliette sing “Born to be Wild,” which they proclaim the Juliette and Cee Lo anthem. Cee Lo caters the song to Juliette’s style of rock. Maybe I’m just determined not to be pleased today but I was expecting more from them. Sure the performance had crazy Cee Lo style antics, people crawling all over metal cages, muscle bikes and spikes; but vocally they didn’t do anything special there.

Tony and Adam sing “Yesterday,” they both bond over The Beatles and this seems like the perfect fit for their “bromance.” Their collaboration is so far the best of the night, they both sound great, the song’s moody and emotive and I’m actually going to have to download that one. Jermaine and Blake sing “Soul Man,” and their collaboration if not anything else is sure to be hilarious. They’re like an odd couple who’ve been married for twenty years. Their back and forth is funny as is their easy chemistry. They bring all that to their performance, both Blake and Jermaine shine, and they’re having so much fun with this that it’s insane and exciting. I check my last comment, Tony and Adam had the best vocal performance but Blake and Jermaine had the best performance all around. Most tellingly, it’s not like mentor and mentee. Jermaine holds his own on that stage; it’s like two seasoned professionals collaborating together.

Results:
On the results show a couple of great things happened. No, I’m not talking about Justin Beiber’s performance of his new single, or Hall and Oates proving that they do exists outside of a crappy cameo in “You Again.” (I’ll never forgive that movie.) I’m talking about, the dreamboat tour setting sail once again.

On the final episode, the finalists got the chance to bring back eliminated contestants to perform with them. My favorite by far was the Dream team of finalist Jermaine with James Massone, Jamar Rogers, and Pip. This is a collaboration that dreams were made of and I love Jermaine for doing this. Love him, love him. They’re singing “I Want You Back” by the Jackson 5. Jermaine says he picked this song because he’s certain that America just wants these guys back. It’s true; my heart has been a little cold without them. Pip seems a little stiff and disconnected, but the others are definitely all in it. They sound great of course, but more than anything it’s just nice to see all of them back again.

Juliette also chooses Jamar as well as Erin Willet and RaeLyn; they sign “With a Little Help from My Friends” also known as the Wonder Years song. Erin sounds awesome, as does Jamar. I’m still not sold on RaeLyn. Chris sings “Bittersweet Symphony” with Katrina Parker and Lindsey Pavao. They all sound great and I love the three of them performing together and actually wish they did these random pairings across teams earlier in the competition. But then again, it wouldn’t be fun, it would be competition. Tony brings back Jordis and they’re singing “Go Your Own Way.” Tony was actually planning to perform this earlier in the competition but it lacked a female component that he knows Jordis can bring. I know that Jordis can bring it, but I don’t think she did. Tony undoubtedly gave the performance his all but Jordis seemed to be holding back. It lacked energy on her part, and that’s sad. But at least she looked great.

Now for the results. Carson lines them up and goes one by one asking them what this experience means to them. They all talk about how this moment is the culmination of all their dreams, so of course this moment could be everything to them. It was a close vote, and Carson tells us that the margin between fourth and third place was only a quarter of a percent. And those positions were held by Chris Mann in fourth and Tony Lucca in third. It’s down to Juliette and Jermaine, still a close race with only 4% points between them. And the winner of the second season of The Voice is revealed, it’s Jermaine Paul, former back-up singer now winner of The Voice. Congratulations to Jermaine and Team Blake! Congratulations to all the contestants in fact; because this is only the beginning of what is sure to be a rising career.

Season 2, Episodes 20 and 21: “Live Finale” and “Live Finale Performances” (original airdate May 7 and 8, 2012)

The Voice airs Mondays at 8/7c and Tuesdays at 9/8c on NBC.

Images courtesy of Justin Lubin and Lewis Jacobs/NBC

Gobble up with Agent 47 this Thanksgiving as the beloved assassin makes his latest debut on November 20 for the PC, Playstation 3, and Xbox 360.

Those who pre-order the game from Gamestop will be rewarded with access to an exclusive game mode,  Hitman: Sniper Challenge.

Square Enix spreads some light on the mode in the press release:

Developed by IO Interactive A/S, a Square Enix studio, HITMAN: SNIPER CHALLENGE is not part of the main game, but a stand-alone experience to reward fans who pre-order HITMAN: ABSOLUTION. Players can don the suit of Agent 47 as he takes on an exclusive assassination assignment. From a balcony overlooking a rooftop gathering, players will be tasked with taking out Richard Strong, Jr., CEO of Stallion Armaments, along with his entire staff of bodyguards. Skilled players will capitalize on score multipliers, hidden secrets, unlock equipment upgrades and marvel at the many creative ways one can discretely dispose of a body while they work to fulfil their contract in the most efficient way possible.

More details on the Sniper Challenge look to be teased on May 15 on the Sniper Challenge webpage.

I thought it’d be hard to top last year’s prom with Kurt taking a guy and being crowned Queen, Finn punching Jesse over Rachel when he had a girlfriend – Quinn,and Artie going over to the dark side by hanging out with Puck. And it was. This year’s episode had the glee kids performing again and was fun and nostalgic, with the understanding that some would be moving on, but there wasn’t the same level of drama, and it was dosed with some “a very special episode” syndrome. It was still funny and enjoyable, just less memorable.

BRITASAURUS
Now, please, a round of applause for finally getting some significant Brittany time. Figgins lit a fire under President Brit by letting her know that with her failing grades, she needed the Presidency for college applications. He warned that her term would end in failure, ruining the school along with it. It was time to rehabilitate her image with prom, and after a powwow with the prom committee and turning down idea like “Castles in the Clouds” (“Castles are very heavy, so putting them on clouds would be extremely dangerous.”) and “Stairway to Heaven” (“Not unless we also build escalators to heaven for the disabled students. Plus, I’m not really sure if they’re even allowed into heaven.”), Brittany decided on the theme of dinosaurs. She’d read in the bible about how dinosaurs and cavemen lived together in peace, and that’s something to celebrate. Yes, they got prehistoric, and she made it clearer by performing Ke$ha’s “Dinosaur” as everyone entered. If I had to judge her term on this one dance, she’d get an A for pulling all that majesty off so quickly.

TO STAND OR NOT TO STAND
There was no surprise when Quinn and Santana were nominated for prom court, but that Missy girl. Who the heck is that?! How Quinn responded was also like the old Quinn, wanting to use being wheelchair-bound to her advantage, and gladly touting her future-King Finn on her arm. This didn’t make Finn too happy, especially when he was so eager to support her. When he learned that she’d been going to therapy and actually taking steps on her own, he chastised her for wanting to hold back that news until she got her crown so that she could milk it for votes. He even yelled at her to stand in front of everyone on the dance floor. It was cool and calculating Quinn of yesteryear, but the look in her eye, when she realized how he felt, expressed how she’d grown.

THE DIVAS RETURN
At first, I figured Rachel might meltdown after not being nominated to prom court, but that wasn’t even on her radar. She was still mourning over her NYADA crash and burn, and bleakly giving up on her dreams. She turned her focus to throwing the best anti-prom ever with Kurt and Blaine, not giving a damn that three of her friends and her boyfriend were nominated at the actual prom. (Kurt didn’t want to relive last year’s experience, and Blaine was afraid of Brittany’s gel ban.)  Then when she saw posters for a joint Quinn and Finn’s campaign and ripped them off the wall, complaining about how she was having a hard week and didn’t need to deal with a reminder of the perfect, blond cheerleader next to the man who used to love her. Finn, disappointed that Rachel couldn’t support her friend who’d just gotten into an accident on the way to their wedding, stood by Quinn, forgoing the anti-prom with pretty much everyone else. Of course, you know how well that went for Finn.

When they arrived at the hotel, it was only Kurt, Blaine, Rachel, Puck and Becky – a sad showing. Everyone looked pretty miserable. Puck wallowed over being held back and didn’t want to celebrate with his friend who were leaving him. Becky and her British head voice lamented over the fact that she wasn’t in the running. She had flipped lunch trays and broke xylophones, but nothing made her feel better until she crushed Puck in strip poker and he dubbed them both the Anti-Prom King and Queen with cardboard crowns. It was a sweet moment between two characters who rarely interact.

Of course, everyone ended up at the prom together where they belonged. Rachel apologized to Quinn, and Quinn rigged the ballots so that Rachel won the crown. Finn got to dance with his true queen, and Quinn got applause when she stood up and sang her song with Santana. It all ended with a nice, pretty bow. Tina cried and kissed Mike, wishing the year never had to end. Like I said, “a very special episode” indeed.

THE SONGS
“Big Girls Don’t Cry” by Fergie. Sung by Rachel, Kurt and Blaine. B+
“Dinosaur” by Ke$ha. Sung by Brittany with the McKinley High Cheerios. B- (Mostly the song’s fault)
“Love You Like a Love Song” by Selena Gomez & the Scene. Sung by Santana with Tina and Brittany. B+
“What Make You Beautiful” by One Direction. Sung by Joe, Rory, Artie, Sam and Mike. A-
“Take My Breath Away” by Berlin. Sung by the Quinn and Santana. B

MEMORABLE MOMENTS

• “I now realize I wasted an entire year belaboring the nuances of my fluid teen sexuality and getting caught up in Lord Tubbington’s Ponzi schemes.” – Brittany
• “It’s clear the three of you are incompetent fools, possibly some sort of terrorist cell, so as President, I’m gonna decide what the prom theme is going to be this year.” -Brittany
• Brittany confusing the dowdy girl on prom committee with Rachel, who she looks nothing like.
• Brittany’s nominations for prom king.
• “I was inspired by the new girl, Joe, who reminds me of a cavewoman.” – Brittany
• Joe’s support of Quinn walking at therapy
• “Oh, Becky, commercials aren’t real life. Advertisers are manipulative alcoholics who use images to play on our emotions. Haven’t you seen Mad Men?” – Sue
• “It’s prom. There’s gonna be balloons all over the place, not to mention the taffeta and silk blends. The sheer amount of static electricity in that room is gonna be terrifying. You’ve never seen my hair without gel! It’s baby hair fine. No, I’m gonna look like Medusa!” – Blaine
• The really short guy dancing with the tall girl who’s so bored, she’s checking her cell phone.
• Rachel’s dress. Wow.
• Anyone else find it hilarious that this would be the only group of kids that could turn prom, hotel horror stories into something so boring. Becky had to be the one to spice things up!
• Becky helping distract Sue so Puck could successfully spike the punch bowl.
• Mercedes and Sam’s second prom dance.
• Blaine’s fro.
• Prom photo montage…with a dinosaur.

Season 3, Episode 19: “Prom-asaurus” (originally aired May 8, 2012)

Glee airs Tuesday night at 8 p.m. on FOX.

Are you a Gleek? Click here for more Poptimal coverage of Glee.

Images courtesy of Mike Yarish/FOX

Remember a few years ago when Bart Bass died? Remember the tears? Chuck’s breakdown? The drama that ensued?  Well, turns out, it was all for nothing. Because Chuck’s dad is alive and well.

As Bart explains to Chuck, he was being threatened by a business competitor who was willing to harm Lily and Chuck.  So when his limo was hit, Bart saw the time in the hospital as the best time to make an escape, thinking he’d fool his enemy into thinking he already won. So he disappeared. What DID they bury in that coffin?  Now he’s back in the country, though, because Chuck needed blood, and Diana snuck him back into the country to save his son.

But wait – is it his son? Chuck forgot to ask him if Jack is his real father.

Chuck is determined to find the competitor who wanted his father dead, but his usual private eye, Andrew, refuses to help. So Chuck goes through Diana instead. She gives him a name and a plan – catch the man in a compromising position with “her girls.” In other words, expose the man for the prostitute-loving jerk he is.

Meanwhile, Dan is having serious trust issues.  Blair finds out he backed out of Rome because of jealousy, not because they picked someone else. She makes him contact the program again and ask to be reinstated. Then he tells her he wants her to come to Rome with him. Insecure much?  Blair goes along with it anyway, and she has to be interviewed with Dan by a program alumni.  He’ll be at the house that night.

But Blair does have something to hide – not a romance with Chuck, but Chuck’s secret about his dad. Chuck needs his friends right now, including Blair, and she can’t turn him away. In fact, she needs to be with him, helping him sort things out, during Dan’s interview.  Serena, owing her a favor after the Gossip Girl fiasco, agrees to play the part of Blair for the interview.  But since Blair is the only one who knows about Bart, even Serena is confused.

Nate is also out of the loop, which is why he goes behind Chuck’s back and exposes Diana’s secret to the press despite being asked not to.  Lola contacts the New York Times, and after Diana finds out, she immediately backs out of helping Chuck. After Chuck tells Nate what he has done, the gang decides to take matters into their own hands.  Lola and Ivy will pose as Diana’s girls, Chuck will snag a picture of the man with them, and use it as blackmail to get his father back in town.

But while the girls wait for him to arrive, Andrew – the private eye – shows up and convinces them that their victim isn’t coming. He asks them to take him to where Bart is hiding. The girls trust him and agree.  Luckily, though, they aren’t stupid.  They text Chuck and Blair, who get their first. The police are ready and waiting as Andrew confesses that he’d set Bart up, turned traitor, and known about the pre-planned car accident.  Andrew is arrested, and his confession also exposes Bart’s old competitor, which is what Chuck wanted all along.

So Bart will be able to come out of hiding, Chuck will get a father again, and Blair is able to explain to Dan why she was MIA for his interview.  All is well!

Except it’s not.

Because the real Gossip Girl is back, and she’s determined to take down S and B.  The first thing on her list? Reveal a few pages of Blair’s diary, showing the world who she really loves.

We’ll have to wait until next week to see how that goes.

Over all, it was a strong episode this week.  Once again, Gossip Girl is finding its way back to its roots.  Big reveals and twists keep popping up, and you’ve got to love it.  The producers claim the finale is going to be big, and I’m excited.  I really want to see what is going on in Blair’s diary!

Best Storyline: Bart and Chuck’s reunion
Worst Storyline: Dan’s insecurity.
Want to See More Of: Ivy and Lola working together. Cute!
Want to See Less Of: Serena.

Season 5, Episode 23: “The Fugitives” (original air date May 7, 2012)

For more Gossip Girl, check out our other reviews.

Gossip Girl airs Monday night at 8 p.m. on The CW.

Images courtesy of Giovanni Rufino and The CW.

The PC indie hit from the Swedish developer Mojang finally makes its way to the Xbox 360, bringing the procedurally generated worlds and sandbox gameplay to the casual, multiplayer accessibility of Xbox Live. The Xbox 360 port is developed by 4J studios, who most recently brought the Banjo Kazooie games and Perfect Dark to XBLA. Minecraft: Xbox 360 Edition (MCX360) faithfully brings all the charm of the original with the very welcome addition of local and online splitscreen multiplayer.

For those unfamiliar with the game, it is the very definition of a sandbox title. Without any clear objectives, your player simply gathers resources and crafts items to shape the blocky, randomly generated world around you. Better tools allow for the collection of better materials to craft more advanced items, and before you know it, you are riding your newly-laid minecart rails deep into the caves in search of precious diamonds. The hastily constructed hovel you spent that first night in may soon become a prosperous farm or a towering citadel. The truly ambitious can experiment with redstone, an ore used to create circuitry to power everything from simple doors to elaborate traps and machines. For the adventurers, the randomly generated terrain and biomes means that no two maps are ever the same, and the labyrinth of caves and sprawling caverns are easy to get lost in. There are wolves to tame, monsters to slay, and even a hellish alternate dimension called the Nether to explore.

The game interface has been streamlined and sacrifices little in its transition to the Xbox 360. Veteran players of the PC version will adapt quickly to the new interface and be building in no time, while a tutorial provides plenty of help for newcomers to get on their feet. All crafting formulae and necessary ingredients are very clearly presented, and hints pop up frequently to explain each new block or item and its potential uses.

The multiplayer splitscreen is of course one of MCX360’s major selling points (and indeed its biggest draw), with up to four players locally or eight players online. The game runs smoothly and benefits from Xbox Live’s well supported multiplayer functionality. It quickly proves itself to be a natural fit into XBLA’s casual multiplayer atmosphere, where friends can easily drop in or out. This is ultimately where the game really shines–as a casual sandbox for friends to enjoy together.

Probably the biggest difference from the PC version is the content. The PC version of the game is well supported and receives frequent updates. The content in the Xbox 360 release correlate to the PC beta version 1.6.6 (released at the end of May 2011). And so even from the start, MCX360 is lacking nearly a full year’s worth of new features that PC players are currently enjoying, which can cause the experience to feel somewhat incomplete. Updates to the XBLA version are promised to be free of charge, but we haven’t yet been provided with too much information regarding how they’ll be implemented or at what frequency.

New players won’t know really what they’re missing, and of course there is still plenty in the game to be enjoyed, but veteran players may find the experience a bit antiquated. I searched in vain for the sprint button, only to realize that the feature hadn’t been implemented until the 1.8 beta. Similarly missing are the delightful machine pistons, which are useful for crafting all manner of hidden doors and secret traps. The features added since the 1.6.6 beta are too many to name, but include: a new food/hunger system, experience and item/armor enchantments, naturally generated structures such as abandoned mine shafts and deep ravines, NPC villages, a jungle biome with tameable ocelots, a handful of new monsters, and a new dimension called The End (home to the dreaded Enderdragon). Players may be upset to hear that so many features have yet to be implemented, but this can actually be a rather positive thing. Needless to say, MCX360 will have a rich and continuous source of well-tested features to draw from in its PC predecessor. Players can also rest assured that the developers are just as invested in the game as they are, and will continue to support the game with updates well into the future.

Another difference worth noting is that the maps are limited to 1000×1000 blocks, which can seem downright stifling compared to the near infinite range of the PC version. This is understandable given the limitations imposed by the console, and the maps still offer plenty of space for whatever project most people will dream up. Still, it’s hard not to be at least a little disappointed–when I first encountered the map boundary in game, I actually thought I had encountered a glitch.

Fortunately, my initial disappointment at the map boundary was quickly replaced by the intrigue of that incredibly tall mountain in the distance that I desperately needed to climb. As I reached the summit and began surveying the world around me, ideas and plans began to take shape in my mind. Perhaps a minecart rollercoaster, or an Indiana Jones hallway of arrows… Or just something a little more modest, like a giant statue of myself. And this is what makes the game so great–the infinite potential, the tools you need to realize your ideas, and friends to share them with.

Final Grade – 8.5 out of 10

Review written by Will Fan. Follow him at twitter.com/will_fan

Minecraft: Xbox 360 Edition – Now available on the XBLA Marketplace for 1600 Microsoft Points ($20)

One of the newest apps to be unleashed into the iOS market this month came from The Falco Initiative with their free game entitled Slide. After briefly reading up on the basics behind Slide, I promptly decided to download the game on my nifty, little iPhone and discovered one of the easiest yet meritable apps out there. The name really says it all and in a world of touch screen only mobile devices, Slide will leave aspiring app developers and regular folk everywhere scratching their heads and wondering why they hadn’t thought of it first.

Slide is the simple game of doing what you repeatedly do each and every time you pick up one of your various Apple products: sweeping the home screen with your fingertip to unlock the device. Now, take that basic concept and expand it with multiple slide bars, a scorekeeping system, a time clock, some of your online gaming friends, and, lastly, rapid-fire dexterity and what you have is basically a swiping frenzy. As you unlock the first slide with your finger, another one will then appear in another area of the screen. Slowly, the speed of the slides’ appearances will accelerate, forcing you to step up the pace as it undeniably tests your ability to keep up. To some of you out there, the simplistic action of repeatedly gliding your digits across the main screen of your iPad might sound like a mega yawnfest, or even a chore, and I get that, and apparently so did TFI. So, to spice things up, they’ve added four different modes to keep your fingers nimble and your brain engaged. There’s the classic, twist, doubles, and revenge modes to flip-flop between. Also, being Game Center and OpenFeint ready, Slide will let you compare and compete with other players worldwide on the leaderboards while setting new records with high scores that will unveil various achievements. You can also connect with Twitter and Facebook to post your Slide triumphs.

I knew Slide was a winner when I played for the first time and thought that this couldn’t possibly be entertaining until I suddenly realized I had unknowingly formed a big, stupid grin of delight on my face after only a few seconds of gameplay. As each slide got faster and faster, the challenge to keep up fully erupted and the anxiety of failing closed in. Again, the game is completely free (with the exception of the golden slider mode for .99 cents that disables ads) and in a matter of mere moments can be added to your personal library of fun. The only possible downside of becoming an expert “un-locksmith” could be Slide related finger fatigue from overplay but other than that it’s the perfect cerebral application and all-around time waster that will put your basic hand-eye coordination skills to the test.

In a Q&A with the cast of Common Law during a visit to the set, Poptimal got the inside look on the relationship between Travis Marks (Ealy) and Wes Mitchell (Kole) to find out what’s so special about this partnership that makes it worth saving. Also, find out what makes this first season catastrophic, and how taking after their real life counterparts would see them going to the dogs.

For seven years, Travis Marks, a free-spirited ladies’ man, and Wes Mitchell, a by-the-book over thinker, have been an incredible force at the LAPD. With a passion for enforcing the law, the partners have managed to garner the track-record as their division’s best detectives. But when their personal differences and conflicting personalities bring them to a tipping point, their record and friendship are put on the line.

Speaking about their characters, Ealy and Kole give us a glimpse into the troubled dynamics of their relationship. “Wes is a meticulous guy, he’s a good guy, [and] takes himself a little too seriously maybe,” Kole says about the character he plays. “He’s got control issues more than anything. I think he has to be in control of everything.” But Wes’ strict sense of control has cost him greatly. A former trial lawyer who becomes “obsessed with excellence” to the point that he pressures a client to take a guilty plea in order to keep his pristine record, Travis is shocked by a tragedy that changes his perspective. “He’s willing to sacrifice his whole life and adopt a new kind of identity,” this leading him in his desire to be a cop. This desire which costs him his wife, even his way of life; “Wes’s every moment is redemption,” said Kole.

Travis, on the other hand, is a little more free-spirited, although definitely carrying just as much baggage. “Travis’ [demons] are a bit more submerged,” Ealy tells us. “They stem from [his] childhood and are much deeper and more difficult treasure chest of demons to get into.” A foster child and former juvenile delinquent, Travis is very warm and carefree although he has deep commitment and abandonment issues that keep him somewhat closed off. “It’s going to take him a little bit longer to open up,” said Ealy. Travis is also very nurturing, which drives his ideals of being a cop; “a lot of that stems from his childhood in terms of abandonment… saving an animal, saving a baby… he’s just very inclusive.”

“Part of the show that the producers want to explore is how men communicate with each other because it’s such a different dynamic than women,” executive producer Karim Zreik tells us about the show. “These two men have been working together for seven years; have their own way of talking to each other and communicating and when things go wrong, how do men handle it?”

“There’s a big incident as to why they’re here,” said Zreik tells us about the inciting incident leading up to the fellows’ therapy stint. Although keeping mum on exactly what that is, you better believe it’s going to be a doozy considering that post-therapy Travis and Wes includes food fights and being thrown through windows. Random spurts of violence aside, the guys compare themselves to other TV couples:

Kole: Lucy and Desi?

Ealy: Cliff and Claire?

Kole: You would be Lucy… Maybe Archie and Edith?

Ealy: We’re able to dive into just how hard it is to be close truthfully. It’s hilarious, and it’s funny, but there’s also a lot of truth to having a close relationship with another person; the difficulties with that. So it’s a hybrid; we shift around… it could be the odd couple or it could be Archie Bunker or whatever it needs to be to fit the tone of any particular scene. That’s what’s fun about it.

Forced into therapy by their new-age captain (Jack McGee), Wes and Travis struggle to learn that their yin and yang relationship is the perfect balance.

“I think one of the funny parts in therapy is they’re the only two men… they didn’t volunteer for therapy, it’s part of the job requirement. The psychology is if you don’t go to therapy, you’ll lose your job. But there may be a 10% chance in there that they’re kind of liking therapy and it’s helping a little bit.” -Karim Zreik

And as reluctant as they are, the guys really do get invested in their therapy group. Sometimes the first to arrive, they become somewhat eager to try their arguments out in front of Dr. Ryan and the group, the judge and jury of the battles. It’s all about winning allies, but even that comes with its trials because, as we learn, you don’t want everyone on your side. “It becomes imperative that you get the guys on board to your side,” Walger tells us about the dangers of the boys in group therapy, “and then they get freaked out and suddenly realize they’ve actually got all the women on board.”

Asked how their chemistry off-set compares to their on-set counterparts, the boys tell us that without the fighting, things are pretty much the same, “We definitely try to keep the energy off camera similar to the energy that’s on camera,” Ealy tells us before sharing that the two once got in a pencil fight between takes that inspired their characters, “we’re going to try to bring that into the scene because it’s something that Travis and Wes do.”

And this kind of improvisation is nothing strange to the set as Ealy and Kole are quick to go off script much to the amusement and dismay of their therapist, played by Sonya Walger, who finds it a struggle to even keep a straight face. When asked who would be the most likely to make her laugh during a scene, “it could be either one of them,” she says. “Michael and I go so far back that he can just look at me in a moment and I’m like, oh here goes. And then Warren will do some bit or he’ll just do an Irish jig, or pushups or something. He’s endless energy.”

Ealy and Kole’s offset relationship is still as combative, but in a much friendlier, but still very adorable way. “They play. They’re like puppies,” Walger says. “They just won’t leave each other alone. They really don’t.” Going further to elaborate, Walger tells us just what kind of puppies they are, “Michael’s pretty laid back and Warren has more high energy. I think of them like a Labrador and a Jack Russell… there’s no hierarchy there.”

When asked their thoughts on the comparison, Ealy and Kole quickly show their back and forth chemistry.

Kole: We don’t fight like cats and dogs, so I guess it would be two puppies playing. Maybe something a little more manly would be better.

Ealy: Yeah. I never rub his stomach or anything like that.

Kole: We don’t sniff each other’s butts.

Ealy: No. No sniffing.

Kole tells us that from the beginning he and Ealy slid right into an easy friendship that didn’t require any rehearsal, “we never really talked about how to make it better or how to enhance it; we just sort of got each other immediately.” So how does their friendship thrive when their jobs demand that they yell at and hate each other all day? By all accounts, it’s only made it better. “I think it’s healthy,” Kole says, “you can get a little frustrated with the day. It’s always nice to be able to let it out and work the problems out on camera and have a fight.” Like emotional punching bags, the guys view the scenes as emergency valves, “it’s not necessarily because I hate you if I blowout all the time,” Kole says. “It’s just like, ‘will you stop being here all the time.’” But just like their characters on set, the two have each other’s backs when things come down to it. Ealy tells us that on rough days they depend on each other to get through the scene.

“It’s a buddy cop show,” Ealy tells us explaining the easy relationship between themselves and their characters. “We’re buddies and we’re cops; but the minute we get into therapy I think we’re going into uncharted water.” Kole agrees, “A lot of these cop shows are just the occupation and you are the uniform and can’t show a lot of range. This stretches out, it can be a serious cop show and it can be a really light hearted kind of buddy show at the same time.”

You can catch Common Law, USA’s comedic action series when it debuts Friday, May 11th at 10/9c on USA Network.

Images courtesy of Frank Ockenfels and Robert Ascroft and Peter “Hopper” Stone/USA Network.

Donald / Heavens to Peta Mergatroyd: Their tango was crisp and sharp and really fun to watch. This guy is a really good dancer and quickly becoming one of my favorites. Len said, “ding dong Donald!” Nobody knows what the hell that means, but he was smiling so I think it was a good thing. Time for your meds, Len. Bruno yelled: “When fatal attraction turns into bloodshed!” I don’t know what Carrie Ann said, but WTF was she wearing??? Hello? Their scores were 9/9/9, and Brooke pointed out 2x in a row “so that’s 27 out of 30.” She is SO much better with the questions this year, I have to say. But this is one of her new things this year: constantly doing the counting of the scores and then saying it out loud several times. So, in case you missed it, that’s 27 … out of 30. Thanks, Brooke.

Maria / Derek: Their Viennese Waltz was gorgeous, dreamlike, and flowing. Carrie Ann said that something magical was happening … in her undies. Bruno also loved it, but cranky, mean Len ruined the party by grumbling about Maria not being in “hold” for long enough, and then adding, “You disappointed me.” Jeez, relax over there Grandpa. It was a fantastic dance. 10/8/10, cuz Len had to go and be all grumpy.

Melissa / Maks: I don’t know about you all, but I’m getting a bit sick of watching this guy and his Ike Turner-like temper week after week during rehearsals and apparently everywhere, and then having Melissa stick up for him after he just berated her or threatened to HIT her, saying that he was once again misunderstood. Look, I’m very aware that reality TV enjoys going happy in the editing room, but come on. This week’s rehearsal footage showed Maks getting more and more angry with Melissa “my eyes are falling off my face” Gilbert, until finally, he yelled, “F**k! I’m going to get up and leave the room right now because I am about to punch something into a wall!” She said okay, and he left. Maybe he meant he was going to punch his own fist into the wall, but I took it as a vague “I want to put you through the wall” threat. Meanwhile, she is in the camera saying how she is tired of being berated and belittled by him. Then, later, after their dance, she is all happy tears from her fake eyelashes and “Oh, yes, that was only one moment! We love each other! Tee hee! Maks is great!”, and Maks stays silent while showering Melissa with multiple hugs and kisses. Blech. Personally, I think this shows up in their dancing, and to me, it looked as if Melissa was being dragged around the floor unwillingly, and the dance was very strange and slow. It felt awkward to me. I don’t know WHAT the judges were watching, because they all thought it was Melissa’s best dance yet! I thought it was kind of terrible. Scores were 8/8/8, and backstage, Brooke asked Maks, regarding his temper, “Did you take it too far?” I’m pretty sure that what followed was some sort of apology by Maks, except he even apologizes weird, cuz I couldn’t really make it out. Whatever he said was good enough for Melissa, and they both returned to their dysfunctional trainwreck of a relationship.

Katherine / Mark: This was a Viennese Waltz with some gorgeous spins and really excellent movement. I love her and continue to love her and hope that America keeps voting for her to stay on the show. Len thought it was terrific, while Carrie Ann claimed that Katherine lost her footing. This upset Len and he gave her a dirty look. Bruno chimed in with some nonsense about “Upstairs! Downstairs! The lady doesn’t mind it a little rough!” Um … WHAT? Len got cranky and soiled his pants in anger. Scores were 8/9/9.

Roshon / Chelsie: For some reason, Disneyboy got to bring in his two grandmothers, who sat in on rehearsal and during the live show, randomly. I guess this is the week we are supposed to fall in love with Roshon, eh, producers? Awww, so sweet, he is dancing for his grandmas! (That is what we are supposed to think and then that is supposed to translate into us voting for him. Didn’t work.) The foxtrot was very cute and very clean. Bruno called him a young “Mickey Rooney,” while Len adoringly compared them to “two little dancing munchkins.” After receiving their highest scores ever of 10/9/10, Brooke asked how it felt, then cut Roshon off mid-sentence and interrupted him. Very funny when she does that.

Cheryl / William: One of the best dances of the night, their foxtrot was classy, elegant, and sexy. Len loved it, Bruno said that William couldn’t be more suave if he tried, and Carrie Ann made several “meow” sounds and then probably fondled herself.

Round Two / Trio Dance:

Don / Peta / Karina: Best. dance. of. the. night!!! First off, I love the Jive. Secondly, the music was upbeat, fun as hell, and FAST! And lastly, Donald did a really incredible job keeping up with the two professional women. This was a total blast of a dance! Horny Carrie Ann screamed “I loved your 3-way!” Scores were 10/9/9.

Maria / Derek / Henry: Who the hell is Henry, you ask? Who knows. I’ve never heard of him. Apparently he is one of the pro dancers on the summer tour, or something. Whoever he is, he was the part three of this trio’s Samba, which was danced in the theme of Bollywood. Another awesome, fun number. Maria is great too. It’s getting tough to mock anyone this season since most of them are quite good. Bruno and Carrie loved it, but Len whined that he thought he was judging a Samba, not a Bollywood number. Waaaaahh!!!! Scores were 9/7/9.

Melissa / Maks / Val: Hey, what’s better than one hot-tempered, naked-chested Chmerkovskiy? TWO Chmerkovskiys! Okay, so Val seems a lot nicer and calmer than his brother, and they both have the same amazing naked chest, so this was a fun dance to watch. Energetic and sexy, and definitely better than Melissa’s first dance I thought. Bruno quipped, “it takes two to get the best out of you!”  (insert horrible joke here). Carrie Ann’s comment made me cringe when she said, “Holla! Its a Chmerkovskiy sandwich, and you were the perfect cream filling!” Ewwwww!!!! Must we be so graphic and nasty, Lady Judge? Please stop immediately. Scores were 9/9/9, and Tom Bergeron had a hilarious comment with: “Maks and Val’s outfits are from the Larry King Chippendales collection!”  Funny stuff, Tommy.

Katherine / Mark / Leprechaun Man-Ass: The good ole Lucky Charms got to dance once again in this Cha-cha, where a piece of pantleg got stuck on Katherine’s foot during the performance, and she had to dance a good ten or twenty seconds with it there before kicking it off. Bruno called the dance “Hitchcock blonde coolness,” and Len called it “clean, clear, clever.” It was loads of fun, and scores were 10/9/10.

Roshon / Chelsie / Sasha: I don’t know who he is either, but he was great in this number, which was a Pasa Doble. Len had the weirdest comment of the night with “it was like two skinny fries chasing the ketchup.” Okay Len – maybe you should get OFF those meds instead of back on them. You’re hallucinating. Scores were 9/9/9.

William / Cheryl / Tony: Another Pasa Doble that was sharp, powerful, and passionate. This was a great dance, and William kept up really well against and with professional dancer Tony. The judges loved it and gave scores of 9/9/9.

RESULTS:

As per normal, the show had lots of moments and performances in this results hour to … well … waste time. One of my favorite “bits” they do involves Len, Jerry Rice, and Kenny from Sportscenter which they change to DanceCenter. They analyze each dancer in a funny way, and although it always makes me laugh, it also really makes me wonder how many people out there are reading my reviews and perhaps using some of my material/jokes. So many things they said or joked about are things I have been writing in these reviews for weeks now. Just sayin’. It’s time you people started paying me to write this stuff for you, because I’m doing it anyway!!!

The show also did a really nice dance tribute to Dick Clark and his show American Bandstand. The Macy’s Spotlight Dance of the Week featured an all-star cast dancing to the show’s theme song in black and white backdrop. In the audience were some of the original dancers from Bandstand, which was a nice touch. Hey! Not for nothing, but THIS show’s tribute to Dick Clark was way better than Idol’s and that obnoxious Ryan Seacrest’s tribute. Good job DWTS!

In the end, two couples went home, because it was DOUBLE ELIMINATION WEEK on the show!!! The two couples leaving the dance floor were Roshon and Chelsie, and Melissa and Maks. Now Roshon can go back to Disneyworld and be his Disneyboy self, and Melissa can go back to not being told she sucks everyday by Maks, the misunderstood sweetheart teddybear of a man. I think the two correct people were sent home, and everyone else that is left on the show now is really, really good. I’m totally fine with any of them winning that pointless Mirror Ball Trophy, but I’d still like to see it go to Katherine.

Season 14, Episodes 14-15 (originally aired May 7 and 8, 2012)

For more on Dancing With the Stars, click here.  Follow @poptimal.  Follow @kelleyiskelley.  Read Kelley’s blog, which chronicles the loss of her husband, at ripthelifeiknew.

Dancing With the Stars airs Mondays at 8/7c and Tuesdays at 9/8 c on ABC.

Photographs courtesy of ABC/Adam Taylor

The Good

Prom theme: Dinosaurs

Brittany takes the spotlight

“Love You Like a Love Song”

Helen Mirren’s back

Puck crowns Becky Queen

Blaine’s real hair is quite untamed

For most of the second half of this season, Brittany (Heather Morris) has been tossed a few one-liners and vastly underutilized, particularly after she won the election for student body president, which could’ve been some comedy gold. In the self-mocking streak that’s taken hold of Glee these past few weeks, Brittany acknowledges that she hasn’t spoken in a while and wants to resume her duties, lest Principal Figgins (Iqbal Theba) eliminate the position. So, she tosses out the castle-in-the-clouds theme the prom committee has worked up, because castles are heavy and would be dangerous up that high, and settles on dinosaurs. She also bans hair gel, since it’s not era appropriate, causing some strife for Blaine (Darren Criss).

Becky Jackson (Lauren Potter) is more than upset that she’s not on prom court, and has gone on a small reign of terror throughout the school. This also leads her to join the anti-prom movement and, as she slaughters a sullen Puck (Mark Salling) at strip poker, the day is saved at long last when Noah steps up and makes her queen of the anti-prom, escorting her to the formal event with her cardboard crown. Also, still digging Helen Mirren as Becky’s internal monologue.

The (Not-So) Bad

The Anti-Prom

Quinn almost backsliding

Emma and Will reduced to scenery

Let’s face it, Santana (Naya Rivera) deserved a round of applause for calling Rachel’s anti-prom party what it was: selfish and lame. I get it, Rachel, things are hard right now and you feel a little lost, but let’s not drag everyone else into your pity storm. Also, did everyone catch the fleeting shots of Emma (Jayma Mays) and Will (Matthew Morrison) dancing and looking on? Because that’s all they got to do.

Quinn (Diana Agron) was touch-and-go in last night’s episode. The social climbing, and recently sympathetic, ex-Cheerio has been sidelined during the last few episodes after ending up in a wheelchair. In physical therapy this week, Quinn took her first unassisted steps, as a proud Joe (Samuel Larsen) watches. He promises to keep her secret though because, as it turns out, Quinn’s after the sympathy vote. A moment with her campaign partner Finn and another student leads her ex to call her out on her actions.

Later, at the prom, Finn catches Quinn standing in the bathroom. Having fought with Rachel over his decision to support her tonight, he’s upset and, rightfully, slightly disgusted with her behavior. Sure, she doesn’t owe it to anyone to tell them until she’s ready, but blatantly exploiting the situation to hold onto a prom crown is kind of despicable. Her motivations, though somewhat understandable, display a selfish behavior I thought the character had moved beyond. As a result, when counting the ballots, she and Santana decide not to name Quinn the winner, as the votes say, but to give Rachel the crown and make a real impact. Then, while serenading she and Finn as they dance, Quinn stands for the first time, on stage in front of everyone.

The Prom

I know high school is supposed to be this universal experience for Americans. That’s why there are far more shows set there, and then lose traction once characters go off to college. I also know the prom episode is sort of a staple when your characters reach senior year, but really, are proms such a great source of nostalgia for anyone? Don’t get me wrong, I went to my proms. I don’t recall a lot of what happened, but I’m sure I had a good time. I’m still friends with my junior prom date. But, I don’t think that prom is the event television paints it out to be.

My junior prom theme was the NSYNC classic “This I Promise You,” and senior year brought Nat King Cole’s “Unforgettable.” But, I more fondly recall the bad-prom themed parties in college like “Under the Sea,” etc. The point is now, with our second Glee prom episode, and I’m guessing a third to come next year, is it really a universal experience anymore? I don’t remember anyone campaigning for court or royal elections. (That’s a tiny lie, my best friend Becky totally went table to table in the cafe asking for votes.) I remember a lot of late-90s/early-aughts awful fashion choices though. Maybe if the theme of my prom was dinosaurs, it would’ve made more of an impact.

Share your favorite prom themes in the comments!

Season 3, Episode 19: “Prom-asaurus” (originally aired May 8, 2012)

Glee airs Tuesday night at 8 p.m. on FOX.

Are you a Gleek? Click here for more Poptimal coverage of Glee.

Images courtesy of FOX

Stan Lee-Man, Stan Lee-Man, Does whatever Stan Lee can.

Why is Stan Lee web-slinging across Manhattan in the latest images from Activision’s The Amazing Spider-Man? To help promote his pre-order exclusive of course! Activision has announced two DLC exclusives allowing players to take on the Rhino or play as Stan Lee in search of his latest script. Gamers can choose which DLC they want by pre-ordering at either Gamestop or Amazon.

From the Press Release:

Pre-order Now from GameStop - The Rhino Challenge

Take control of the massive, genetically engineered villain RHINO and rampage around Manhattan in an exclusive gameplay challenge of pure destruction!  As Rhino, players will be able to unleash his formidable powers to destroy anything and everything that gets in his way in a timed event full of speed, combo streaks, and of course, a ton of things to break!  Unlockable for the Xbox 360® video game and entertainment system from Microsoft and PlayStation®3 system ONLY. While supplies last. Limited time only.

Pre-order Now from Amazon.com - Play as Stan Lee for the First Time Ever

All the rumors can officially be put to rest – for the first time ever, fans will be able to play…STAN…LEE as himself in The Amazing Spider-Man.  Players will take on the role of Stan “The Man” Lee in his own special mission across Manhattan, borrowing abilities from his old pal Spider-Man as they help Stan collect pages of his latest script in a spectacular race around Manhattan.  Stan’s mission is punctuated with his witty banter that fans have come to know and love, and a special surprise waits for them at the end of the mission – after all, it is Spider-Man’s 50^th anniversary this year! Unlockable for the Xbox 360 video game and entertainment system from Microsoft and PlayStation®3 system ONLY. While supplies last. Limited time only.

Unfortunate news for fans of the Bioshock series today.  Those dreaming of battling enemies on the Sky-Line as former Pinkerton agent Booker DeWitt will have to wait just a bit longer in order to escape from the free-falling, sky city of Columbia. 2k Games has announced the upcoming fall release of Bioshock Infinite has been pushed back to February 26, 2013.

A message from Kevin Levine, Creative Director of Irrational Games, spread some light on the delay.

When we announced the release date of BioShock Infinite in March, we felt pretty good about the timing.

Since then, we’ve come to realize that some specific tweaks and improvements will make Infinite into something even more extraordinary. Therefore, to give our talented team the time they need, we’ve decided to move the game’s release to February 26, 2013. We wanted to let our loyal (and very patient!) fans know this as soon as possible.

I won’t kid you: BioShock Infinite is a very big game, and we’re doing things that no one has ever done in a first-person shooter. We had a similar experience with the original BioShock, which was delayed several months as our original ship date drew near. Why? Because the Big Daddies weren’t the Big Daddies you’ve since come to know and love. Because Andrew Ryan’s golf club didn’t have exactly the right swing. Because Rapture needed one more coat of grimy Art Deco.

The same principle now applies to BioShock Infinite.

What does this mean for you? It means a bit more waiting, but more importantly, it means an even better BioShock Infinite. The great can be made greater, and we owe it to both ourselves and to you, our fans, to take this opportunity. Irrational Games is one of those rare developers lucky enough to ask the people who sign the checks: “Hey, can we have a few more of those checks?”

We are also going to hold off on showing BioShock Infinite at the big events of the summer, like E3 and Gamescom. That way, the next time you see our game, it will be essentially the product we intend to put in the box. Preparing for these events takes time away from development, time we’re going to use instead to get the best version of Infinite into your hands in February.

Let’s just hope the Mayans are wrong and we get to play Bioshock Infinite before the world really ends.

Hannah finally has a job, but there’s a slight problem – her boss likes to touch her butt. Not just her butt, but all the girls’ butts.  Her co-workers tell her not to worry about it because it’s worth dealing with for the good pay, but Hannah is skeptical. She doesn’t understand why she should deal with her boss’s sexual harassment when everyone encourages her to stand up to her sort-of-boyfriend, Adam, who sent her a picture of his penis, then told her it was meant for someone else.

Meanwhile, while walking with Jessa, Shoshanna runs into a guy she used to know at camp.  He’s not exactly a hottie, but he flirts with her, so she invites him to hang out.  They end up watching a movie at her place, and Shoshanna is obviously incredibly nervous. They end up making out; then they move to her bedroom. That’s when things get awkward.

Eager to lose her virginity, Shoshanna proposes they have sex. He seems game, but then she mentions it’s her first time, and he refuses to have sex with her because, according to him, virgins get attached. Shoshanna tries to talk him into it, but he makes it clear that it won’t happen. Poor girl. He isn’t worth it, anyway.

At her babysitting gig, Jessa screws up royally. While talking to the other nannies at the park, she loses her kids.  Luckily, she finds them, but one of the kids rats her out to the dad. Jessa admits she lost them, and the father says he’s done it before, too. The two seem uncomfortably close – very flirty – before Jessa leaves.

Hannah goes to Adam’s house and attempts to break up with him. She stands up for herself and tells him that she doesn’t like how things are going between them. But the two still end up hooking up. This time, though, it’s pretty sweet and genuine, and Adam tells her she should just be herself. I used to hate Adam, but I’m starting to like him. I can’t tell yet how I feel about their relationship, so I guess we’ll see where it goes.

Back at Hannah’s apartment, Marnie’s boyfriend, Charlie, and his best friend, Ray, snoop around Hannah’s room and find her diary, which Ray insists on reading. This becomes the inspiration for one of their band’s songs, which they present at a concert all of the girls attend.  The song reveals that Hannah thinks Marnie should dump Charlie, and it outs Marnie’s feelings about Charlie suffocating her.  Charlie is angry and Marnie is furious with Hannah. This may not bode well for their friendship.

This episode was the strongest so far. I feel like Shoshanna’s character is being developed well, especially. Though, right now, Marnie’s character is still a bit flat. I’d like to see her featured more in a three dimensional way. I’d also like to see more of Charlie’s friend, Ray.  I don’t know what it is about him, but I find him interesting and I want to see more of his character.

Stay tuned for next week, because this show just keeps getting better and better.

Season 1, Episode 4: “Hannah’s Diary” (original air date May 6, 2012)

Girls airs Sunday night at 10:30 p.m. on HBO.

Images courtesy of HBO and IMDbPro.

Radical Entertainment has announced the release of upcoming DLC Packs in addition of the Prototype 2 Official Sidekick mobile app hitting both iOS and Google Play Store today.

The first DLC pack, Colossal Mayhem, available now, and the second DLC pack, Excessive Force, available May 29, 2012, will give fans “key add-ons to their arsenal of destruction as well as three all-new custom skins.”

Both DLC Packs will be available on Xbox Live and the Playstation Network for 400 Microsoft Points on the Xbox 360 and $4.99 on the PS3.

Colossal Mayhem Pack

• Thermobaric Boom-Stick
• Force Multiplier Powers:
  • o   Warp Vortex
  • o   Anti Gravity Field
  • o   Air Time
  • Custom Skins:
    • o   Heller Test Subject
    • o   Infected Heller
    • o   Infantry Heller

Excessive Force Pack

• Viral Infector Grenade Launcher
• Force Multiplier Powers:
• o   Shockwave
• o   Chaos Creator Mode
• o   Medusa’s Wrath
• Custom Skins:
• o   Armored Heller
• o   Agile Armor Alex Mercer
• o   Zombie Mercer

Alongside the announcement of the DLC packs, Radical Entertainment also announced the Prototype 2 Official Sidekick companion app, a second screen companion guide that will allow users to track down and keep track of all the collectibles available in Prototype 2. This, I am excited about.

For the longest time I have been wishing for an interactive way to keep track of collectibles or have a guide that I could use off a mobile device. I’m actually surprised it has taken this long for one to be made. Keeping track of collectibles is a lot easier this way, compared to printing out sheets of paper or accidently closing a browser window that you’re following.

Gamers will be able to try out the Yellow Zone Map section of the game for free, but will have to pay for Green and Red Zones. The app is available for both iOS and Android mobile devices.

• INTERACTIVE LEVEL MAPS will guide you to unearth every collectible across NYZ
• FOCUS YOUR HUNT with the ability to filter by zone and individual collectible type
• TRACK YOUR PROGRESS across all found collectibles and earned achievements/trophies
• EXPLORE THE POWER of Prototype 2′s mutations and learn how to obtain them

We start off with all the “adults” (with the exception of the Manzos) taking a boat trip off the Jersey Shore. Rich Wakile, a man of great one-liners (just like his brother Jeff Goldblum), gets things started by wondering if the boat they load onto belongs to the Guidices? If so, he speculates that at some point during the journey, it will get repo’d. Applause!

During the boat trip, Teresa gets on Rich about pushing Juicy into a candlestick the week before and being the cause of Juicy’s black eye. Of course she prefaces the whole incident with “I thought it was funny … ha-ha,” but then goes on to to wish she could return the favor. If you think it’s funny (ha-ha), then laugh and move on. Don’t fake ha-ha and then wish you could punch the other person in the face,  because that ends up not being so ha-ha anymore.

While the “adults” are boating, all the kids are with poor Rosie who is about to lose it. I don’t blame her – just having Milania around would be enough for me to deuce my pants. I can’t imagine adding more little people all with names ending in “ia” to the mix. Somehow, Rosie survives on a lethal combination of wine from a giant jug and smokes.

I do want to check-in on Lauren Manzo’s weight loss drama right about now. She is on Dr. Perricone’s urine and berry diet and is able to now squeeze into a size 8, but the poor girl is miserable. She’s overwhelmed by her weight and consumed by the idea that being rich will solve her problems. I always though Lauren was the reasonable one (of course, that’s in a side by side comparison to Ashlee) but it turns out she has some major insecurities. I guess it doesn’t help when your dad tells you your kids are going to be beasts, or your brothers inform you (and America) that any kids you have are going to look like giant koala bears with arms that don’t work. That’s gotta hurt, but she’s a tough cookie and lets Albie know she’d rather have koala bears for kids than giant douche bags. Here’s to hoping that she gets back to being happy and reasonable. And Caroline – stop trying to make her feel better by letting us know that Lauren has a “great personality” even if she has a belly. Not helpful … and your hair does look kinda rag-doggish this week.

Onto the Summer Solstice party – this is where it all goes down. I am going to caveat this by saying I know that much of what I am about to write makes no sense but that’s not due to my writing style, it’s because the subject matter was moronic. I swear.

First, we have Rosie take Teresa aside and talk to her about the gold-digger comments Tre made to Joe about Melissa. Tre gets a little amped, but she knows that Rosie is no-nonsense so trying to get honey badger on Rosie is like trying to slap a UFC Champion in the face; it will get you nowhere, expect for maybe into the hospital with a broken spine.

Next up, Tre and Jacqueline take five to discuss the gold-digger comments. Tre questions why Joe would ever blabber to everyone about what she had said. Telling your brother that his wife would leave you for a richer man is just brother-sister talk, silly! Then she questions Jacqueline on how she knows about the comments. Jacqueline is forced to admit that Melissa told her. Jacqueline is now traumatized and brings Melissa over to talk it through with Tre so everyone can put this nonsense behind them.

At this point, Melissa comes over. They start out pleasant enough, but everything falls apart when Melissa refers to Joe as “going to jail” rather than using Teresa’s preferred la-la land phrase, “going away.” Tre storms out of summer solstice and marches to her car. Jacqueline then does what she does best, which is squeeze into feuds. She is hurt by Tre cornering her and forcing her to tattle on Melissa. Meanwhile, Kim (that weird designer lady who owns Posche) is hovering around throwing out useless commentary that seems to fan flames.

Finally, Melissa comes out to talk to Tre and she’s ready to brawl if need be. I have to hand it to Melissa – when she gets into it with Tre, she makes Tre look like a bumbling idiot. Nothing Teresa had to say made any sense and Melissa let her know it. It’s totally a waste of your time to try to account for all that was said, but trust me when I say that even with the hamsters spinning at max speed, they are unable to generate enough power for Tre’s brain to turn on. At one point, the two ladies get so pissed they step up on each other and I have to admit, I was hoping heels would go flying but Melissa takes the higher road and ends up leaving bozo to talk herself into a tizzy.

Tre then heads out and in what can be considered the icing on the cake, Kim advises her to run over all the ladies standing in the driveway. I think this pretty much sums up how stupid summer solstice ended up becoming. It’s a shame because I was looking forward to everyone seeing a more reasonable world through their third eyes. What was I thinking?

Season 4, Episode 3: “Third Eye Blind” (originally aired May 6, 2012)

The Real Housewives of New Jersey airs Sundays at 10/9c on Bravo.  Read more Real Housewives coverage here.

Images courtesy of Bravo TV.

Meanwhile, things are finally getting political again for Richmond (Billy Campbell), as his remaining staff make a decision to get Stan Larsen to make a statement on behalf of the councilman. The idea is that the statement will exonerate Richmond of his ties to Rosie’s murder, at least in the public eye. His most trusted staff meet with Stan Larsen later that day, but the visit does little to get Stan interested in helping, seeing through their ruse.

While Holder flips through city permit records, Linden takes Jack to another hotel, a better one with security and cameras on all floors, yet she is still remaining vigil about what happened, locking up the room tight as a drum. Holder calls her with a lead and the two are off to the Indian Casino. The connection between Ames and the casino is a construction company called Company Domain Fund that lists work being done on the casino, however it is listed as an ambiguous “hotel/casino renovations”, which could quite frankly mean anything. “I think Rosie felt trapped,” Linden hypothesizes, “She had pictures of butterflies in her room everywhere, she would climb to the roof of her house for peace and quiet…” She trails off, looking for some kind of explanation as to why Rosie would be involved in something like Beau Soleil.

After dropping Holder off, Linden drives to an area near the casino that has a butterfly preserve, one where she thinks Rosie might have visited at some point. Meanwhile, Holder cases the casino, looking for anything that might look remotely like construction. He can’t circle around for too long, though, or risk the unwanted attention of casino security. In a slick move, he sees a Native American blackjack dealer open up a table and he settles in to play a few hands. “This really isn’t my game, man,” he digs, “I’m more interested in Bury the Hatchet type of game, you know?” And with that, the Dealer slides over a poker chip, code for the prostitution ring that Holder now knows is working at the Casino.

While exploring a fenced-off area of the reservation, Linden runs into the head of the tribe and verbally spars with her for a few rounds, “I know that Rosie Larsen was here the night she was murdered.” But instead of deny, the tribal head tells her the myth of Keylela, a girl who strayed too far from the tribe and became swallowed by the river. She threatens Linden that she is on ancient burial grounds and to not come back. Linden is escorted off the reservation by Tribal Police.

Later, and with nothing left to lose, Richmond stops by Stan’s house and reasons with him man to man. “I wanted you to hear it directly from me; I have nothing to do with your daughter’s death.” Stan is bitter that the media has painted Rosie as a high class, underage escort and Richmond encourages Stan to do something about it, and he certainly does. Specifically, he arrives at the zero hour during Richmond’s press conference announcing that he is still running for Mayor. Stan is to read a statement in support of Richmond, but instead he gives an impassioned speech about how no one cares for his daughter anymore. He even goes so far as to announce that he will give his entire life savings to the person that can bring her killer to justice. It is a heated and unexpected moment for Richmond personally and for his campaign as well.

Back at the casino, Holder meets up with an old Native American prostitute who is ready to party. He asks her about the “new rooms” but says they are still under construction. “I’ll give you a hundred if we do it at the construction site,” Holder leads, but the prostitute doesn’t bite. In fact, she gets scared away. Holder goes so far as to get “seduced” in the parking garage of the casino by a male prostitute, but even he won’t take him where he wants to go. Clearly, there is a big, dark secret buried deep in the ground at the Indian Reservation and either people don’t know what it is or are at the very least, afraid to even talk about it existing.

Defeated, Holder gets in an elevator, about to leave the hotel when he runs into a maid in the same elevator. She hands him a match book which reads “Tomorrow. 11am” on the inside. She exits and says, “I hope Rosie’s parents got her backpack back.” Holder tries to chase after her, but the doors close before he can. Instead, he is greeted at the bottom floor by a group of Tribal Police. They arrest him and drive him out into the middle of nowhere, where the Tribal Head waits for him. The Tribal Police beat the shit out of Holder while Tribal Head calls Linden on the phone so she can hear the entire thing. It’s a slice of a Mafia movie smack dab in the middle of a murder investigation, and it works.

The Killing has finally seemed to find its stride, but it’s very possible that it may be too little too late to salvage. The season has been well put together in classic AMC fashion, it just unfortunately hasn’t been anywhere near as compelling as its freshman year and is also still very uneven; Mitch Larsen is once again nowhere to be seen this week, as well as other inconsequential storylines, but no doubt they will pop up conveniently when they are needed. If the pace continues to the final episode, we should be in for quite a ride and the stakes are especially high knowing that we are getting a definitive answer this go around. Here’s hoping that Days twenty through twenty four are just as interesting.

Season 2, Episode 7: “Keylela” (original airdate May 6,2012.)

The Killing airs Sundays at 9/8c on AMC.

Images courtesy of Carole Segal and AMC.

But let’s start with the good news. Teeth (Don’s wife, Megan, for my non-regular readers) started this week’s episode by acting a little fishy. Not only was she taking mysterious calls but she was also lying to Don about her evening plans and poor, old Peggy got caught in the middle of it.

On a late night at the office Teeth prances out in a nice evening dress saying that she’s been summoned to join Don for a client dinner. This of course seems legit to Peggy until she gets a call from Don asking where Teeth is. Peggy lets slip that Teeth said she was going to meet Don, which is clearly not the case and it is horribly awkward. Hours then go by and Don tries calling again prompting Peggy to attempt avoiding the issue by playing dumb and screaming “Pizza House!” into the phone after a long, confused pause. To say I did not enjoy that moment would be the biggest lie ever told.

The next day Peggy pulls Teeth into the ladies room to get the dish and the truth comes out. Teeth isn’t banging around with someone else or having clandestine dental work done – oh no – she’s auditioning for an acting gig! At first it doesn’t sound too dramatic but we come to learn that Teeth kinda hates working in the advertising biz even though she’s really kind of good at it. Peggy is naturally offended that Teeth is taking up a position at the office that hundreds would kill for and basically tells her to get out if she doesn’t like it.

While not exactly soothing or inspirational, Peggy’s words seem to have an impact because shortly after that Teeth wakes Don up in the middle of the night and tells him the truth about auditioning and not wanting the life of an ad executive. He tries to beef up her confidence in it but she sticks to her guns and when the conversation is over he essentially gives his blessing for her to quit immediately.

And with that Teeth says her farewells to Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce and begins a new life of acting classes and auditions, which she seems genuinely thrilled and happy about. And quite honestly, I feel happy for her. What will be interesting to watch though is how Don reacts to this change. For the past year Teeth has been his little love buddy in the office and now that this security blanket is gone, how will he compensate? The ever-wise Roger recommends immediately setting up a routine to keep them both out of trouble, but the problem seems more existential than that.

Perhaps most disconcerting is the moment we see Don say goodbye to Teeth and then press the elevator button. A door quickly opens but when it does, there isn’t an elevator care there waiting to be boarded – just the never-ending chasm of an elevator shaft that is both terrifying and seemingly calling to Don. An omen of things to come? A prelude to the falling man seen in the opening credits? I guess we’ll just have to stay tuned to find out.

Peggy eventually fills in for Teeth on a client meeting with Cool Whip but fails to live up to Teeth’s charm in a bit that she and Don had worked out to woo the client (played by Saved by the Bell‘s Dennis Haskins AKA Principle Belding!). This leads to a quick and dirty spat between Don and Peggy, which I think was just a prelude of things to come in their work relationship.

On the flip side of Teeth’s positive efforts to improve her life we have the lowly efforts of one Pete Campbell. If we have learned one thing this season its that Pete is miserable in just about every way imaginable. Not only does he hate his commute and resent his young family, he also has little trust or love for his coworkers who understandably feel the same way about him.

While on the train one morning Pete chats it up with douchey insurance guy Howard who reveals quite proudly the fact that he keeps an apartment in the city where he can nail his mistress while his home stays home in the suburbs with the kids. It is that same night that Pete runs into Howard’s wife, Beth (Alexis Bledel – another fairly big guest star for the show!), and offers her a ride home when Howard doesn’t get off the same train and she’s having car problems.

During the ride Beth basically alludes to the fact that she knows her husband is cheating on her and when they get to her house Pete follows her into to make sure she isn’t “hysterical.” This concern leads to a kiss which leads to wild sex which leads to Beth comparing Pete’s eye to satellite photos of the Earth which leads to Pete falling head over heels in lust with her.

Pete creepily calls her the next day and is told to never call again so he does her one better and finds a reason for Howard to invite him over to dinner one night! It is there where he forcibly kisses Beth when Howard isn’t looking and tells her to meet him at a hotel later. She then wisely gets a migraine and doesn’t show up at the hotel.

But is all lost for Pete so quickly? Maybe not. At the very end of the episode we see Pete at the train station watching Beth and Howard drive away. Beth pretends not to see him but fogs up a small area of her window and draws on a little heart. Perhaps nothing has even been so depressingly sweet.

This of course plays out as Don listens to The Beatles’ classic song ‘Tomorrow Never Knows‘ and one set of lyrics in particular, I think, describes this episode and the characters feelings better than anything I could come up with:

“But listen to the color of your dreams
It is not leaving, it is not leaving.”

Both Pete and Teeth listened to the color of their dreams and tried to make them come true. Misguided or not, we’ll just have to wait and see how their attempts pay off.

Mad Men Season 5, Episode 8: “Lady Lazarus” (originally aired May 6, 2012)

Images courtesy of AMC.

In Winterfell, Theon Greyjoy and his forces have stormed the Stark keep and he confronts Bran. Theon asks Bran to announce to the people he’s yielding Winterfell to the Greyjoys, thereby saving everyone’s lives. Bran asks if Theon’s always hated the Stark family. Bran is taken outside and makes the requested announcement and Theon orders a raven sent to his sister informing her of his victory, and to his father, instructing him to send 500 more men to Winterfell. Ser Rodrik is rounded up and brought to Theon, cursing at him for betraying the Starks. He spits in Theon’s face and, at the insistence of his men, Theon has Rodrik executed, even though he would’ve preferred to leave him alive.

While reorganizing the Stark household to better suit him, Osha strikes a deal with Theon. Her body and skills at pleasure are his for her freedom. He agrees and the two go at it. When Theon’s fast asleep, Osha dresses herself and sneaks out. She’s caught by a guard as she’s leaving and pretends to seduce him as a gift from Theon for his men, then slits his throat. Osha signals for Rickon and Luwin, who emerge with Bran and the two boys’ direwolves, escaping into the night.

At his camp, Robb Stark and his men seem to be getting along on a break from battle. He comes across Talisa, the nurse who helped the wounded after one of their last battles and chastised him for killing soldiers who didn’t deserve it. They trade flirtations over if she’s of noble birth, but she won’t give away any details of her life before coming to the Stark camp. They’re interrupted by Catelyn and Brienne before anything can go further, and Catelyn doesn’t seem enchanted by Talisa. She reminds Robb that he’s promised to another as part of an old debt, and things are expected of him as King of the North.

Catelyn and Robb receive the news about Winterfell. Robb wants to march on Winterfell and reclaim their home, thinking how can his men respect him if he can’t protect his own house. Bolton convinces Robb to let him send his own son. Robb orders that first his brothers be protected and then Theon brought to him to kill personally.

At Harrenhal, one of Tywin’s men almost sent a letter containing their plans to the enemy, and Lord Tywin chastises him for it, pointing out that even Arya, his cupbearer, can read better. Lord Baelish arrives to report on the events from the Baratheon brothers’ front. Arya tries to stay invisible and seems to manage to get away unnoticed.

Later, Arya finds a note on Tywin’s table about Robb’s plan to move his troops. She takes it and after a conversation with Tywin about how she learned to read, runs outside to head to the armory. She’s stopped by a guard, who takes the note, and means to take her back to Tywin for an explanation. She runs off and is chased, but evades the guard. Then, she finds Jaqen and names the guard as her next offering to the Red God, insisting it must be done now. The guard falls with a poison dart in his neck just as he reaches Lord Tywin’s door.

In King’s Landing, Cersei and Tyrion, along with the rest of the Lannister-Baratheons, are watching as Princess Myrcella sails away to be wed. Cersei tells her brother she hopes he loves completely one day, so she can make sure he knows what it feels like to lose that. On their walk back, Tyrion notices the crowd is starting to turn on the royal family just as a cowpie strikes Joffrey in the face. The king orders everyone around them killed and a riot breaks out. One advisor is ripped to pieces by the starving crowd.

Despite Tyrion’s best efforts, everyone but Sansa makes it inside. Joffrey doesn’t care and can’t believe that Tyrion is trying to give him orders, so Tyrion does what we all want to do and slaps him across the face. Meanwhile, Sansa runs into an alley trying to hide and is chased, about to be raped when the Hound emerges and slaughters her attackers, saving her life.

Beyond the Wall, Jon Snow and his small party are searching the frozen lands for signs of the wildlings. They surround a party and Jon’s about to kill the last one before he realizes it’s a woman. She calls herself Ygritte and says there vast numbers of more wildlings nearby. The brothers try and discern their plans from her. They point out no one can be spared to watch her, so Jon volunteers to kill her. He hesitates and she runs off. Jon chases and pins her down, but she taunts that he’s now separated from his brothers and it is almost dark.

Ygritte begs Jon to light a fire. He refuses, knowing it’ll be seen by her people. Jon ties her up and lays her down. She points out it’ll be easier to keep warm if they’re together. He snuggles in close to her and she starts to grind back on him, which he calls for her to stop.

Over in Qarth, Daenerys is having a hard time getting a ship to sail on to Westeros and reclaim the Iron Throne from the other warring kings. Xaro waits with her to meet the Spice King, who refuses her request based on the fact she has no allies to support her claim in Westeros, making her a bad investment. She tells him how the dragons were born, about her dreams that came true, and the fire not destroying her. She walks with Xaro back to his residence, defeated and discussing the nature of what must be done to achieve one’s goals. They find her Dothraki have all been killed and the dragons have been taken, later seen being carried toward a tower by a mysterious figure. Seriously, Dany, you seem to leave those things a lot. I might be more attached to the first dragons seen in so many years, particularly if they were my only bargaining chip.

Season 2, Episode 6: “The Old Gods and the New” (originally aired May 6, 2012)

Game of Thrones airs Sunday night at 9 p.m. on HBO.

For more on Game of Thrones, click here.

Images courtesy of Paul Schiraldi and Helen Sloan for HBO and IMDbPro

This season on the new series Tanisha Gets Married, Tanisha shows us that sometimes that last stretch to your ‘happily ever after’ is just as rocky as all the roads before. And with family drama, secret loves, and a couple of bad girl bridesmaids threatening to battle it out before the big day, Tanisha shows us just how a bad girl keeps control.

Tanisha Gets Married follows Tanisha as she prepares for her wedding to long-time love Clive Muir. And as a wedding always promises, family drama ensues as Tanisha and Clive’s union come up against opposition; from his family, hers, and a guy from Tanisha’s past who’s finally ready to declare his feelings just days before she promises herself to somebody else. Add to that feuding Bad Girls bridesmaids Natalie Nunn, Flo Kaja, and Amber Mead into the mix and you have one ticking time clock waiting to go off.

Poptimal recently had the chance for a one-on-one interview with the TV star. Tanisha told us all about her new show, her love, and her big day. We also found out why she’s in no hurry to stop being a Bad Girl, lessons every girl should learn, and how she’s turning a reality career into an empire.

Keshaunta Moton for Poptimal.com: What will fans have to look forward to in Tanisha Gets Married?
Tanisha Thomas: It’s a show that I haven’t done before. It’s a behind the scenes look at my life, a behind the scenes look at everything is now being put out there. My mom’s on the show, my brother, my fiancée, my friends. All of these people have never ever done television before. I think everyone’s going to have a great time getting to know who they are and getting to know me.

Poptimal: Can you tell us about Clive?
Thomas: I’ve been with Clive for seven years. I actually met Clive when I was supposed to be working. I was there in the mall one day and he was off from college, and I fell in love. I actually fell in love and the rest is history. When I first saw him I never thought that it would be… I never saw him as my husband, but after a couple months I knew. I’m like okay; this is my soul mate. I’m supposed to be with him.

Poptimal: You guys have a great difference in personalities, how does that affect your relationship?
Thomas: It’s good, they say opposites attract, and we do. We really do. He’s more laid back, and I’m a little bit crazy. I’m out there. It’s a good match.

Poptimal: Do you find that you guys rub off on each other?
Thomas: We do rub off on each other a lot. And honestly, it just keeps the relationship alive.

Poptimal: Your fellow Bad Girls Flo, Natalie, and Amber are your bridesmaids, but they also have baggage of their own. How can you keep their issues from upstaging you as the bride?
Thomas: You try. Every wedding there’s always drama with the bridesmaids. You try. I tried my best to keep the bad girls’ problems their problems and [attend to] my own. However we’re dealing with bad girls, and there’s only so much taming one can do. I was trying to plan my wedding and I had no idea that I would be playing referee as well… I go back and forth and try to be the middle person and getting really frustrated and ultimately I end up exploding. You’ll see at that happening.

Poptimal: What can we look forward to having the girls together again?
Thomas: Definitely expect a lot of drama, a lot of screaming and just what the bad girls are known for. Being bad. I think people are very excited to see us all again…. You really have to see it to believe it. I can’t stress that enough.

Poptimal: You’ve been termed the “Godmother of all Bad girls.” Do you think that’s changed any?
Thomas: No. I’m still the godmother of all bad girls. I’m like the alumni. I am the ultimate bad girl. There was a contest going on for a week and everyone was submitted. I beat out every single bad girl, and I feel good about it. I wear my crown proudly; however…I’m like the girl that all the bad girls come to with their problems, like the mentor. I stay out of the drama but don’t get it twisted; I still can get it popping if I have to. I’m grown. I’ve actually grown. Other than grown, there’s nothing terribly wrong with me.

Poptimal: So, you’re an example to bad girls on how to mature?
Thomas: I think this series can give an example to not only bad girls, but to all girls. There are things you can choose, like waiting for the right person. We live in a society where sex is not taboo and everyone just goes on and does their own thing and I don’t knock anyone for that, but I’m trying to promote a lot of focus for girls to realize that if you do wait you will find the right guy that’s willing to put a ring on it.

Poptimal: I hear you’ve been thinking about your wedding since you were a child. Is that right?
Thomas: I have. I’ve been thinking about it since I was five years old… my dad and I used to sit there watching Love Connection and I would be drawing out my dress. Going, ‘Look Daddy should I put butterflies here?’ He would be like, ‘Yes, you should put butterflies everywhere.’ It’s so funny because I actually ended up having a dress similar to the one I was drawing at five years old.

Poptimal: Really? Wow, that’s amazing.
Thomas: It was so crazy. I didn’t really know how much the dress that I ended up getting was so similar to the one I drew until my younger brother at the final fitting saw it and said; ‘Oh my God, Dad would love that. It looks just like the dress from years ago that you drew as a little girl. Dad would love that.’ I lost it. My dad is sick now and he was able to make it to the wedding. That was a really touching moment for me.

Poptimal: How do you divide your time between Tanisha and Clive, Tanisha and the girls, and Tanisha and the wedding in the show?
Thomas: You’ll see everything on Tanisha Gets Married. The difference between me and a lot of these other reality people is I hold nothing back when the camera’s rolling. I let people pick and choose what is funny on television, but I don’t because I owe it to my fans. I owe it to everyone to be real. To be authentic, so you’ll see everything. You’ll see the nice moments with Clive, you’ll see Clive and I start dragging each other through the mud at times or almost wanting to choke each other . You’ll see our lovey, dovey moments. You’ll see the moments with our family, with our friends, with the bad girls. We go there. And at the end of the day, it’s a really, really good show and I think everybody will be able to relate to it.

Poptimal: I imagine you run into your fans a lot. What’s that like?
Thomas: It’s been amazing; I’m living my dreams right now. I remember teachers telling me that I would be nothing. It’s funny now, when I see them, they don’t know what to say now. I feel great about all the opportunities…I worked my butt off to be here though, I really did.

Poptimal: What motivates you to keep going, to keep pushing ahead?
Thomas: I have a lot to prove, so many people told me that I couldn’t, so many people told me no. So many people told me that I would be nothing. And I’m where? I’m building relationships and businesses and the networks have taken notice to who I am. I have a voice, people love me. People love that I embrace the skin I’m in, I’m proud of who I am. And beauty comes in all shapes and different sizes. I’m letting people know that it’s okay to be different. It’s okay to love yourself at any size or any sexual orientation or any religion, anything…. I think it’s catching on and I’m really, really excited about that.

Poptimal: Yeah. There are not a lot of reality stars who can build their time on the show into an empire.
Thomas: You have to put in the work, honey. People go on reality TV and they think, ‘I’m set.’ It’s about work, it’s about if you’re going to be on there screaming, carrying on, there has to be something more to your core. At the end of the day people love the drama, but if you don’t have any depth to yourself, if you don’t have a good core, you won’t make it. It’s honestly the grace of God. God has a major plan for me and I’m being used as his beautiful vessel and I’ll continue to do that.

Along with reality TV, Tanisha is currently building up her Curvy Girl empire, featuring a plus size clothing line, cosmetics, and the publication of her book “Tanisha Thomas: A Guide to being Fit, Thick and Fabulous.” Haters stand aside.

Tanisha Gets Married premiers Monday, May 7th at 11 p.m. on Oxygen before it moves to its regular time the following week at 10 p.m.

To find out more about Tanisha check out her website Tanishaonline. You can also follow her on twitter @Tanisha_dadiva.

Images courtesy of EJ Camp/Oxygen Media