Dancing With the Stars FINALE Review: Heavens to Mergatroyd, We Have A Winner!

It’s that time of the season where spring has sprung, the weather is warmer, and another season of Dancing With the Stars has come to an end. I know that everyone is sad, and rightly so, but please don’t fret! This show returns more often than Lindsey Lohan to rehab. This show is on TV more times per year than the local nightly news. This show comes back from retirement more times than Barbara Streisand. My point is this . . . the show ain’t going anywhere! Tom and Brooke and the whole crazy gang of hilarious judges will all be back to hock that awful Mirrorball Trophy that is apparently filled with crack and methadone and $4 million dollars. Why else would everyone want that thing so badly? It’s something only Tommy B. knows, and for you to find out, you have to become a mediocre star, go on the show, dance your face off, and win the damn thing. Get to it!

In any case, we have come to the end. The Finals, and the great big Finale Event. The three that remain dancing are, of course, Donald and Peta, Katherine and Mark, and William and Cheryl. Each couple would dance two times. The first round is Judges’ Choice (a new routine to a style of dance the judges feel the couple needs improvement on), and the second round is the ever-popular, amazing, never disappointing Freestyle Dance where anything goes. During the finale episode, each couple had one final dance for judges’ votes only, but everybody knows that dance is pointless, since America has already voted at that point and I don’t believe for a second that last dance affects ANYTHING. I ain’t no fool!

William / Cheryl:

Judges’ Choice was the Cha-cha, and the couple got the help of Bruno Tonioli and his insanity. During rehearsal footage, he told William that he is “sex on legs” and I suppose he gave him some actual dancing tips in between the lusting. Their dance was sexy as hell; hip action and Will had the open shirt. What could be better than that really? Len said it was “loud and proud, and that was just your shirt!” (Okay Len. That joke bombed. You need to stop getting your material for jokes from the nursing home cafeteria ladies.) Bruno stood up and yelled: “It was intoxicating! Like a human COCK(pause, pause, pause)tale on the dance floor!” Right Bruno. You just wanted to say the word cock. Genius. The pair received a perfect score of 10/10/10.

Next up was the Freestyle and it was hot, fiery, Latin, and filled with lifts. It was exactly what we would expect from the talented William and more! However, cranky Len disagreed. “Too predictable! All you do is show your bum and shake it. I’m fed up with it!” to which Tom Bergeron observed, “I think that Len is suffering from bum envy.” Bruno thought it was sinful, and a “Latin-inspired extravaganza!” while Carrie Ann said the dance was “breaking new ground!” Len shot back, “What new ground? It was the same ole thing!” As Len continued to be cranky and ask for his prune juice, the judges kept arguing and scores were 10/9/10.

Katherine / Mark:

In the first round, the couple did a Pasa Doble with the help of judge Len Goodman, who assisted Katherine with her technical movements in the dance, or as Len says, the “duuuuuuuuunce.” The result was a gorgeous, flowing routine that made Katherine look “like a ballerina” (according to Carrie Ann), and was filled with “technical brilliance” (Bruno). Len enjoyed the “tasty tidbits” in his pants . . . I mean . . . in the duuuuuuunce. The pair received a perfect score of 10/10/10 and were happier than pie.

The Freestyle round brought forth one of my VERY favorite dances of the season, if not my favorite ever! I just looooove this style of music (swing), loved the song (Fosse’s “Sing, Sing, Sing” with Katherine herself singing the first few lines beautifully) and love the complicated, quick movements involved. Simply incredible. I could watch this again and again. Bruno called it a ”flamboyant tour de force, so much content, on the money!” Carrie Ann cheered, “this showed you off like a Champion!” and Len yelled, “Now THAT was a freestyle!” Another perfect 10/10/10 score.

Donald / Heavens to Peta Mergatroyd:

Judges’ choice was an Argentine Tango, with the help of judge Carrie Ann Inaba, who advised the pair to put more content into their routine to get that 10 score from Len. The dance was sharp, smooth, and very suave. But guess what? Len still didn’t hand out that 10 to Donald. When he said he found the dance to be “a bit careful” Tommy B. retorted: “He is really starting to annoy me.” Funny stuff. Backstage, scores were 10/9/10 and Donald promised that he would finally get that 10 from Len in the Freestyle dance.

For the Freestyle round, Donald and Peta did something that nobody would ever see coming from them . . . a country and western line-dance using Cowboy Troy. It was awesome! Tons of complicated, dangerous lifts! Incredible footwork! Carrie Ann called it her favorite dance of the night, Bruno commented that he can never resist the wild, wild west, and Len said something about how in football, catches equal matches. Matches? I think that’s tennis, you dope. Anyway, they loved it, and Donald FINALLY got his 10 from Len, on the last day of the season. Perfect score of 10/10/10.

The second night of the show was the “Finale Extravaganza”, where all the ex-stars come back out to play, and where they try to waste 2 hours of TV time with anything and everything, and then cram the Winner of the show into the last .16 seconds of airing. Each of the three couples also danced one more time for judges’ scores, but everyone knows that dance meant nothing.

Kelly Clarkson performed a medley of two of her big hits off her current album, and of course, promoted her upcoming new show to air Thursday night, Duets. When Kelly asked Tom Bergeron if he would like to do a duet with her on the show, he made a joke about how that would ruin the show immediately, but what Tommy B. doesnt understand is that THIS is what America wants to see. We want to see Tom and Brooke doing a Pasa Doble for scores. Or Tom and Kelly Clarkson butchering through a duet. Or Tom and Bruno getting freaky with a Jive. Any of that would be so much fun.

The cast of stars were all back in their glory for a final shining moment onstage. Sherri danced with Val and a whole slew of male pro-dancers to “It’s Raining Men” while the robotic twins Martina and Wagner both got their wooden steps in during a foursome dance. Jack still looked like David Bowie, and Martina is still a tennis legend and not a dancer. Gladys and Man Ass got their moment in the sun as well, and the show finally did what they should have done months ago, and had Gladys Knight do what she does best . . . SING! (duh!) She did a beautiful rendition of “The Way We Were” and the Empress of Soul was so moving, she actually moved herself to tears.

There were more dances, video montages, people crying, lots of people talking about how great other people are on the show, and then the Final 3 went down to the Final 2. With this group of 3 very talented and deserving dancers, it really could have been anyone. But it was William and Cheryl who took 3rd place, leaving Donald and Peta and Katherine and Mark as the Final Two.

And in those final seconds of the show, just before credits start to roll, they finally decide to tell us the winner. “And the winner . . . of season 12 of Dancing with the Stars and the MirrorBall Trophy . . . is . . .

DONALD AND PETA!!!!”

Yup. Who saw that coming? Maybe some did, but I thought it would be Katherine. However, I gotta say I have NEVER seen anyone on this show as excited as Donald was to win that cheesy, dumb trophy. He fell on the floor, he cried, he pumped his fists in the air, and he declared it as exciting as winning The Superbowl. Seriously – what is that trophy made of??? Tom Bergeron had a funny line when he went over to Donald and said, “Well, I have to ask you the question that Brooke always asks, How does it feel?” (Oh Tommy B., you know and I know that you know that I know that you know she asks that question so much becuase you read my reviews . . . I am your silent hero. I’m like a ghost-writer on the show with these reviews. I feel its time they start paying me now, or at least invite me to come sit in the damn audience already. I wanna meet Tommy B!) So, in the end, Heavens to Peta Mergatroyd gets her very first win as a pro-dancer, and yet another football player comes from behind to take the Trophy!!!!

Great season. Great dancers. Great cast. I don’t know how they are going to beat this one. My suggestion would be to go back to the “freak” route. Bring back the freaks!!! I will even give you a few ideas. How about Octo-mom? Talk about hilarious! Tony Danza! He claims to be a dancer in real life. I think he taps or something. Let’s see how good he is! Regis! How about The Fonz? He could punch a jukebox to begin every dance routine. You need someone older than dirt and funny. Don Rickles! Let’s see Rickles do the Argentine Tango without croaking! There are always so many injuries on the show, and that damn ambulance is on standby. Next season, we need a death. Someone needs to die . . . LLLLIIIIVEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

I will miss you Tommy. Until next time, which will, of course, be in about 2.5 months.

Season 14, Episodes 18 – 19 (originally aired May 21 & 22, 2012)

For more on Dancing With the Stars, click here.  Follow @poptimal.  Follow @kelleyiskelley.  Read Kelley’s blog, which chronicles the loss of her husband, at ripthelifeiknew here.

Dancing With the Stars airs Mondays at 8/7c and Tuesdays at 9/8 c on ABC.

Photographs courtesy of ABC/Adam Taylor

ABC Upfront 2012: New Shows, New Schedule

 

ABC has unveiled their new primetime schedule for Fall 2012, shifting some of their returning shows to all new nights. Fans of Revenge will find the series airing on Sunday nights at 9, taking Desperate Housewives’ old spot in the Fall. Tuesday nights will feature a brand new comedy hour as Happy Endings and Don’t Trust the B—- in Apartment 23 will ring in the 9 o’clock hour.

Joining the schedule in the new season will be 666 Park Avenue (Sundays at 10), The Neighbors (Wednesdays at 9:30), Nashville (Wednesdays at 10),  Last Resort (Thursdays at 8), and Malibu Country (Fridays at 8:30 starting in November). Midseason will see the return and premieres of The Bachelor, Body of Proof, The Family Tools, How to Live with you Parents (for the rest of you life), Mistresses, Red Widow, Wife Swap, and Zero Hour.

MONDAY
8/7c Dancing With the Stars
10 pm Castle

TUESDAY
8 pm DWTS Results
9 Happy Endings
9:30 pm Don’t Trust the B—– In Apartment 23
10 pm Private Practice

In January
8 pm HOW TO LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
8:30 THE FAMILY TOOLS

WEDNESDAY?
8 pm The Middle
8:30 pm Suburgatory
9 pm Modern Family
9:30 THE NEIGHBORS
10 pm NASHVILLE

THURSDAY
8 pm LAST RESORT
9 pm Grey’s Anatomy
10 pm Scandal

FRIDAY
8 pm Shark Tank
9 pm Primetime: What Would You Do?
10 pm 20/20

In November
8 pm Last Man Standing
8:30 pm MALIBU COUNTRY
9 pm Shark Tank
10 pm Primetime: What Would You Do?

SATURDAY
8 pm Saturday Night College Football

SUNDAY?
7 America’s Funniest Home Videos
8 pm Once Upon a Time
9 pm Revenge
10 pm 666 PARK AVENUE

“666 PARK AVENUE”

At the ominous address of 666 Park Avenue, anything you desire can be yours. Everyone has needs, desires and ambition. For the residents of The Drake, these will all be met, courtesy of the building’s mysterious owner, Gavin Doran (Terry O’Quinn). But every Faustian contract comes with a price. When Jane Van Veen (Rachael Taylor) and Henry Martin (Dave Annable), an idealistic young couple from the Midwest, are offered the opportunity to manage the historic building, they not only fall prey to the machinations of Doran and his mysterious wife, Olivia (Vanessa Williams), but unwittingly begin to experience the shadowy, supernatural forces within the building that imprison and endanger the lives of the residents inside. Sexy, seductive and inviting, The Drake maintains a dark hold over all of its residents, tempting them through their ambitions and desires, in this chilling new drama that’s home to an epic struggle of good versus evil.

 

“LAST RESORT”

500 feet beneath the ocean’s surface, the U.S. ballistic missile submarine Colorado receive their orders. Over a radio channel, designed only to be used if their homeland has been wiped out, they’re told to fire nuclear weapons at Pakistan.

Captain Marcus Chaplin (Andre Braugher) demands confirmation of the orders only to be unceremoniously relieved of duty by the White House. XO Sam Kendal (Scott Speedman) finds himself suddenly in charge of the submarine and facing the same difficult decision. When he also refuses to fire without confirmation of the orders, the Colorado is targeted, fired upon, and hit. The submarine and its crew find themselves crippled on the ocean floor, declared rogue enemies of their own country. Now, with nowhere left to turn, Chaplin and Kendal take the sub on the run and bring the men and women of the Colorado to an exotic island. Here they will find refuge, romance and a chance at a new life, even as they try to clear their names and get home.

 

“MISTRESSES”

Welcome to a provocative and thrilling drama about the scandalous lives of a sexy and sassy group of four girlfriends, each on her own path to self-discovery, as they brave the turbulent journey together.

Meet Savi (Alyssa Milano), a successful career woman working toward the next phase in her life — both professional and personal — simultaneously bucking for partner at her law firm while she and her husband, Harry (Brett Tucker), try to start a family of their own. Savi’s free-spirited and capricious baby sister, Josselyn (Jes Macallan), couldn’t be more different – living single, serial dating and partying, and regularly leaning on her big sister along the way. Their common best friend, April (Rochelle Aytes), a recent widow and mother of two, is rebuilding her life after tragedy and learning to move forward, with the support and guidance of her closest girlfriends. And friend Karen (Yunjin Kim), a successful therapist with her own practice, reconnects with the girls after her involvement in a complicated relationship with a patient goes far too deep.

 

“NASHVILLE”

Chart-topping Rayna James (Connie Britton) is a country legend who’s had a career any singer would envy, though lately her popularity is starting to wane. Fans still line up to get her autograph, but she’s not packing the arenas like she used to. Rayna’s record label thinks a concert tour, opening for up-and-comer Juliette Barnes (Hayden Panettiere), the young and sexy future of country music, is just what Rayna needs. But scheming Juliette can’t wait to steal Rayna’s spotlight. Sharing a stage with that disrespectful, untalented, little vixen is the last thing Rayna wants to do, which sets up a power struggle for popularity. Could the undiscovered songwriting talent of Scarlett O’Connor (Clare Bowen) be the key to helping Rayna resurrect her career?

Complicating matters, Rayna’s wealthy but estranged father, Lamar Hampton (Powers Boothe), is a powerful force in business, Tennessee politics, and the lives of his two grown daughters. His drive for power results in a scheme to back Rayna’s handsome husband, Teddy, in a run for Mayor of Nashville, against Rayna’s wishes.

 

“RED WIDOW”

When Marta Walraven’s (Radha Mitchell) husband is brutally murdered, her first instinct is to protect her three young children. Her husband’s business partners – Irwin Petrova (Wil Traval), Marta’s scheming and untrustworthy brother, and Mike Tomlin (Lee Tergesen) — were involved in an illegal drug business deal with rival gangsters, and Marta’s husband paid the ultimate price. She already knows the violent world of organized crime; her father, Andrei Petrova (Rade Sherbedzija), and loyal bodyguard Luther (Luke Goss) are gangsters too. She and her sister Kat (Jaime Ray Newman) had always wished for a safer life without bloodshed and fear. For a while Marta lived happily as a stay at home housewife in San Marta’s cooperation, FBI Agent James Ramos (Mido Hamada) now promises justice.

Marta discovers a tenacity she never knew she had, and takes on the gangsters and the FBI to unveil the truth about her husband’s death. As she digs into this dark underworld, she’ll test her own strength, relying on her resourcefulness, determination and family ties like never before. To get out of this mob, she needs to beat the bad guys at their own deadly game.

 

“ZERO HOUR”

As the publisher of a paranormal enthusiast magazine, Modern Skeptic, Hank Galliston has spent his career following clues, debunking myths and solving conspiracies. A confessed paranormal junkie, his motto is “logic is the compass.” But when his beautiful wife, Laila (Jacinda Barrett), is abducted from her antique clock shop, Hank gets pulled into one of the most compelling mysteries in human history, stretching around the world and back centuries.

Contained in one of his wife’s clocks is a treasure map, and what it leads to could be cataclysmic. Now it’s up to Hank to decipher the symbols and unlock the secrets of the map, while ensuring the answers don’t fall into the wrong hands – a man they call White Vincent (Michael Nyqvist). With his two young associates, Rachel (Addison Timlin) and Arron (Scott Michael Foster), in tow, along with Becca Riley, a sexy FBI agent (Carmen Ejogo), Hank will lead them on a breathless race against the clock to find his wife and save humanity.

“HOW TO LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS (FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE)”

Polly (Sarah Chalke) is a single mom who’s been divorced for almost a year. The transition wasn’t easy for her, especially in this economy. So, like a lot of young people living in this new reality, she and her daughter, Natalie (Rachel Eggleston), have moved back home with her eccentric parents, Elaine (Elizabeth Perkins) and Max (Brad Garrett). But Polly and her parents look at life through two different lenses. Polly’s too uptight. Her parents are too laid back. Polly’s conservative when it comes to dating (no action, whatsoever), while her parents are still sexually adventurous. They think Polly turned out okay, so what’s the big deal? Well, they say it takes a village to raise a child…and in Polly’s case, this village is on fire. But with help from her best friend Gregg (Orlando Jones), her lovable yet irresponsible ex-husband Julian (Jon Dore) and her cool and fun assistant Jenn (Rebecca Delgado Smith) Polly takes her first steps toward getting a life, starting with a social one.

 

“MALIBU COUNTRY”

When Reba Gallagher (Reba) discovers that her husband, Bobby, (Jeffrey Nordling) a country music legend, has a cheatin’ heart, her world is turned upside down. Reba dreamt of becoming a country star herself, but put her career on hold to raise a family. Now she’s questioning all of that, big-time. With the ink on her divorce barely dry, Reba packs up her sharp-tongued mother, Lillie May (Lily Tomlin), her two kids and the U-Haul and heads for sunny California to begin a new chapter. Leaving Nashville in the rear view, they start over at their Malibu residence — the last remaining asset they have. Reba gets to know her new open and loving neighbor Kim (Sara Rue) and her son, Sage, but also discovers that relocation to Southern California is going to be quite an adjustment for a traditional southern belle: the West Coast seems like the polar opposite of Music City, and Reba feels like an outsider. Still, with the support of her family she sets about finding her voice, jump-starting her music career with the help of her new music agent, Geoffrey (Jai Rodriguez), and embracing this chance to begin again.

 

“THE NEIGHBORS”

How well do you know your neighbors?

Meet the Weavers, Debbie (Jami Gertz) and Marty (Lenny Venito). Marty, in hopes of providing a better life for his wife and three kids, recently bought a home in Hidden Hills, a gated New Jersey townhome community with its own golf course. Hidden Hills is so exclusive that a house hasn’t come on the market in 10 years. But one finally did and the Weavers got it!

It’s clear from day one that the residents of Hidden Hills are a little different. For starters, their new neighbors all have pro-athlete names like Reggie Jackson (Tim Jo), Jackie Joyner-Kersee (Toks Olagundoye), Dick Butkis (Ian Patrick) and Larry Bird (Simon Templeman). Over dinner, Marty and his family discover that their neighbors receive nourishment through their eyes by reading books, rather than eating. The Weavers soon learn that the entire community is comprised of aliens from Zabvron, where the men bear children and everyone cries green goo from their ears.

The Zabvronians have been stationed on Earth for the past 10 years, disguised as humans, awaiting instructions from home, and the Weavers are the first humans they’ve had the opportunity to know. As it turns out, the pressures of marriage and parenthood are not exclusive to planet Earth. Two worlds will collide with hilarious consequences as everyone discovers they can “totally relate” and learn a lot from each other.

 

“THE FAMILY TOOLS”

Mixing family with business is never easy, and Jack Shea (Kyle Bornheimer) is about to learn that lesson the hard way. When Jack’s father, Tony (J.K. Simmons), has a heart attack and is forced to hand over the keys to his beloved handyman business, Jack is eager to finally step up and make his father proud. Unfortunately Jack’s past career efforts have been less than stellar, so everyone seems to be waiting for him to fail. His new job isn’t made any easier by Tony’s rebellious, troublemaker assistant, Darren (Edi Gathegi), and Darren’s flirtatious sister, Liz (Danielle Nicolet), who works at the local hardware store. Yet with the support of his Aunt Terry (Leah Remini) and his oddball yet endearing cousin Mason (Johnny Pemberton), Jack Shea may just find his true calling right at home.

 

Videos courtesy of ABC.

Once Upon A Time Review: This is How You Do a Finale, Folks

We’ve all watched a lot of finales in the past couple of weeks, and in the next few, we’ll watch some more. Regardless, what Once Upon A Time gave us Sunday night will stand up and out as one of the best of the year. It paid us off on storylines we’ve been following for months, moved the story forward, and gave us that trademark giant question mark going into next season.

All year, we’ve been waiting for the event that will finally open Emma’s eyes and make her believe in not only her past, but her destiny.  It turns out that Regina (Lana Parrilla) poisoning Henry (Jared Gilmore) instead of Emma with her deadly, magic apple is the push she needed.

As the doctors try to figure out what happened to Henry, Emma dumps out his bag, desperate to find a logical solution to what’s happening to her son. With the doctors in one ear saying that nothing that’s happening makes medical sense, Emma (Jennifer Morrison) picks up Henry’s fairytale book…and she remembers everything.

I love that Henry in danger is the thing that makes her believe, and I love that they used the book that began everything as the catalyst. The perfect execution of the moment we’ve been waiting for through an entire season.

In a moment borne of pure desperation, Regina and Emma team up to find a cure for their son. Who else would you go to in a moment like this but Mr. Gold (Robert Carlyle)? He tells them that he does have a bit of bottled true love from Emma’s parents, and that if they can retrieve it, it would be powerful enough to save Henry’s life.

In a parallel scene, Prince Charming (Josh Dallas) escapes from jail with the help of the Huntsman (Jamie Dornan cameo, yay!), and rides through an enchanted forest in search of Snow White. He’s hopelessly lost when he stumbles across Rumplestilskin, who is willing to help Charming find his true love, of course for a price. This time, he’s interested in keeping his bottled true love safe for a rainy day…in the belly of a beast.

The beast in question is Maleficent in dragon form, who Regina has trapped below Storybrooke. All those years ago, Charming buried the most powerful magic of all in Maleficent’s belly and now, in order to save Henry, Emma takes her father’s sword and goes to get it back. She succeeds, but for some unfathomable reason trusts Gold, who steals his potion for his own, always mysterious reason.

As a small subplot, the Mad Hatter (Sebastian Stan) hasn’t forgotten Regina’s promise from last week, but when she refuses to follow through and return his daughter, he exacts his revenge on Henry. But that’s not even enough. He makes his way down into Regina’s little dungeon of terror and releases Belle (Emilie de Ravin), instructing her to find Gold and tell him that Regina has held her captive all this time.

Mary Margaret (Ginnifer Goodwin) reads the conclusion of Snow White and Prince Charming’s tale while in Fairytale Land, it plays out in real time. With true love’s kiss, the most powerful thing in the world, Snow and Charming reinvigorate the entire land. It appears Storybrooke won’t have the same ending, though, because as she concludes the tale, Henry dies.

But there is more than one kind of true love, and when Emma kisses her dead son, Henry wakes up – and so do all of the displaced storybook people living in a world with no magic.

Regina is horribly upset at the loss of her son, seemingly even unconcerned that suddenly everyone in Storybrooke wants her dead. But Henry’s alive, and Emma has broken the curse. There are some lovely moments as this takes place, but my favorite (and I’m sure yours too) is the tear-inducing reunion of Prince Charming and Snow White. The writers have done such a fantastic job with their backstory, their love story, that seeing them finally awakened and back in one another’s arms is one of the most beautiful moments I’ve seen on network television.

The last scene (and honestly, the only part of the finale that didn’t sit 100% well with me), features Belle going to Mr. Gold. He’s thrilled to see her alive, obviously, but drags her into the woods for an unknown purpose. As they reach the magic well that August (Eion Bailey, who turned completely to wood while voicing his belief in Emma) showed us earlier in the season – the one with the ability to return what was once lost – she remembers who he is, and that she loves him. He loves her too, but as with a previous version of himself, Belle’s love is not enough for Rumplestilskin. He dumps the true love potion into the well, and it returns a purple fog that races over Storybrooke – returning magic into this world.

I love the twist, and that we’re left to wonder what this means for all of our characters next season, but I’m a little confused what Gold’s motivation is, exactly. We’ve seen him as a selfish creature obsessed with magic in Fairytale Land, but have been led to believe that he’s become a man who regrets the mistakes he’s made, who believes that magic is what ruined his life, who wishes he had a chance to do it all over again and set things right.

But now, with that chance within his grasp – the curse broken, his one true love returned to him – he brings back magic, the very thing that corrupted him. He gives power back to Regina, who could have been caught and punished for her crimes.

On one hand, it’s hard to believe he would do that. On the other, maybe it’s not.  Magic has always been his Achilles heel, the one thing he can’t resist even though it’s ruining everything, and in this sense I believe it’s akin to the effect of absolute power on the lives of so many. It’s heady, and hard to imagine living without now that he knows what it’s like to live with it. Maybe he thinks he’s changed enough to control it, to not allow the power of magic to corrupt him again, but I think he’s got a long way to go.

I also think, as we move forward, we’ll see that Henry, Emma, Charming, and Snow have never been the heroes of this piece. It’s him. Rumplestilskin’s journey from rags to riches (power), his downfall, and his beleaguered and stumbling search for redemption is the focus of this tale.

I, for one, can’t wait to take it with the kind of writers who can bring us a finale like this.

Season 1, Episode 22 “A Land Without Magic” (originally aired May 13, 2012)

Once Upon A Time airs Sunday nights at 8/7c on ABC.

Images courtesy of David Gray and ABC.

Renewed or Cancelled? What is the Fate of Your Favorite Show

Wonder what the fate of your favorite television shows are? Check out below to find out whether they’ve been renewed or cancelled.

CBS

Renewed

• 2 Broke Girls
• The Amazing Race
• The Big Bang Theory
• Blue Bloods
• Criminal Minds
• CSI
• CSI: New York
• The Good Wife
• Hawaii Five-0
• How I Met Your Mother
• The Mentalist
• Mike & Molly
• NCIS
• NCIS: Los Angeles
• Person of Interest
• Rules of Engagement
• Survivor
• Two and a Half Men
• Undercover Boss

 

Once Upon A Time Review: The Cost Of Belief

The title of this episode is The Stranger, and even though we’ve been referring to August W. Booth as the stranger all these weeks, I agree with my friend Ali that the title doesn’t refer to him any longer. August (Eion Bailey) came to Storybrooke shortly after Emma (Jennifer Morrison) arrived and time began to move forward again, and has kept his past, his identity, and his intentions a secret up until now.

Emma sent last week’s Once Upon A Time out with a bang as she informed Regina she would be seeking custody of Henry (Jared Gilmore). We pick up right where we left off, with Emma, August, and Mary Margaret (Ginnifer Goodwin) installing new locks and discussing how best to break Regina’s chokehold on the town of Storybrooke. Emma thinks Mr. Gold (Robert Carlyle) is the answer, and brushes off August’s insistence that he can show her the only real way to defeat Regina (Lana Parilla) for good.

Frustrated with Emma, August goes to Gold for help, asking him to shoo the headstrong sheriff his direction. For reasons that remain a mystery to everyone except Mr. Gold, he obliges, and the puzzling Mr. Booth gets his audience with the storied savior of magic and fairytale characters everywhere.

The problem is, Emma has no interest in saving anyone except Henry.

But just who is August W. Booth, you ask? People have been speculating for weeks, some sure he can’t be magical, since he can come and go from Storybrooke, and others assuming he might have left FairytaleLand prior to the curse, like Emma and Baelfire.

Those who thought the latter guessed correctly, as we travel toFairytale Land and meet Geppetto and his little wooden boy.

Yes, the Stranger a.k.a. August W. Booth, is Pinocchio.

Earlier in the episode, Henry notices his book of tales has been altered. The story of Pinocchio has been added, but the strange thing is, the ending is missing. If you’ll recall, Mr. Booth took Henry’s book apart and then put it back together earlier in the season, and we can now assume he was including his very own story.

It doesn’t end the way Walt Disney would have us believe, either. The storytellers on Once Upon A Time continue to dazzle me with their creativity and the way they discover new and subtle ways for the characters of different stories to cross one another’s paths. Pinocchio is turned into a real boy by the Blue Fairy (Keegan Connor Tracy) after he saves his father’s life, but when the news of the curse spreads through the land, everyone is forced to make hard choices. The Blue Fairy asks Geppetto (Tony Amendola) to fashion the wardrobe from an enchanted tree. The very wardrobe that will spirit Snow and Charming away with their unborn child.

Unfortunately, the tree only contains enough magic to save two people, and once Geppetto learns of the curse, he can think of nothing but what the loss of magic could mean for his son. He agrees to make the cabinet, but only if Pinocchio gets the second spot.

Everyone begs him to reconsider when it becomes clear Snow White will give birth before they’re able to get her away. Someone needs to be with the child, to teach her about magic and tell her about her destiny to save her people from the Evil Queen’s curse. But Geppetto refuses to give up on Pinocchio, sending him through the cabinet with instructions to look after Emma.

In a moment of weakness (he is only a seven-year-old boy, after all), little August abandons his charge, leaving Emma to grow up alone. When adult Emma returned to Storybrooke, moving time forward, August began to turn back into wood. He returned, intent on making good on the promise he made his father all those years ago – to make Emma believe in her fate.

Only Emma grew up in a world not only without magic, but without love, and perhaps most importantly, without belief in anything at all. We’ve watched her struggle with the responsibility of being Henry’s mother, taking on the role of sheriff, and supporting Mary Margaret. She’s taken on a lot of people in these past several weeks, and it’s easy to see that it’s hard for her sometimes, to be part of a community. It’s not how she learned to protect herself as a child, and every person she lets in is also a person she could let down.

When August confronts her with the knowledge that he’s the boy who found her, and it was his job to tell her about the curse from the very beginning – that everyone in the entire fairytale world is depending on her – Emma snaps. She’s focused on getting custody of Henry right now, and that’s all she can handle. Not only does she not believe in the curse, she doesn’t want to believe in the curse. The power of her will to not see what’s in front of her face is stronger than August suspected, and he feels as though he has failed everyone he ever loved by running away twenty-eight years ago.

Quick Extras:

August finds his father Marco in Storybrooke, and makes an effort at reconciliation, though the older man doesn’t remember who he is. August was just a little boy, and it’s hard to hold him accountable for his abandonment of baby Emma, as much as we might like to. I’m still rooting for him.

Regina, after being put in her place in a very righteous Snow White like manner by Mary Margaret, tries to seduce David (Josh Dallas). He’s working on redeeming himself in our eyes too, so thank goodness he doesn’t fall for her treachery.

Emma steals Henry in a panic, wanting to get out of Storybrooke and away from these crazy people who seem to be depending on her for a deliverance she can’t (or won’t) understand.

You see, Emma is the Stranger. To Fairytale Land, yes, but also to magic. To love. To belief.

She’s on a journey that she didn’t choose, and one she keeps trying to turn back from. What August W. Booth wants her to see is that one can’t run from their destiny.

The episode is strong. Good writing, nice acting, and full of ideas that spark the imagination and dazzle the children inside of us with their twists on the tales that delighted us in our formative years.

What doesn’t work for me is Emma. A few weeks ago, in the Mad Hatter episode, little fissures appeared in her strong belief that there is no curse, no fairytales, but since then, she seems to be traveling backward.  We’ve been told over and over that she doesn’t trust easily, that she’s fiercely independent, and that she takes care of herself. I wish we could see Emma’s past, feel the experiences and abuses and neglect that made her the woman she is today. We can use stereotypes of foster children, orphans, to fill in the gaps, but those experiences aren’t personal. We haven’t been privy to Emma’s particulars, felt the pain she experienced, and without seeing what formed her, the intense desire to ignore what’s in front of her face rings false. My head believes she would react that way, but my gut ain’t buying it.

It’s human nature to have selective eyesight. If our wish to deny something is strong enough, we simply don’t see the facts in front of us. It’s possible Emma has her reasons to scramble away from the truth of the curse, of her past, with such determined ferocity. It could be believable.

I want to believe in the truth of Emma’s character. But I’m not there yet.

Season 1, Episode 20 “The Stranger” (originally aired April 29, 2012)

Once Upon A Time airs Sunday nights at 8/7c on ABC.

Images courtesy of Jack Rowand and ABC.

 

Dancing With the Stars Review: MOTOWN Week Means Last Dance for Gladys, and Viagra for Len

What do you get when you cross The Temptations with Smokey Robinson, add a splash of Martha Reeves, and stir? You get MOTOWN Week on Dancing With the Stars, of course! And if you’re still not certain it’s Motown Week, the ginormous cheesy sign above the dance floor that reads “MOTOWN” will certainly tell you. Brooke Burke Charvey with her random, Snooki bouffant hairdo, and the delightful Tom Bergeron started off the show by introducing the first of many performances by Smokey Robinson; whose leathery face is frozen in time. It’s okay though, because it froze while he was smiling. So that’s nice for him. The 8 remaining couples danced to music that was performed “LIIIIVEE!!!!” by The Temptations, Smokey Robinson, and Martha Reeves. Let us get to the dancing, shall we?

The Legend / Man Ass Leprechaun

This was Glady’s week, so it was important to get as many references to her legendary status in there as possible. The “Empress of Soul” and “music legend” (Brooke managed to use BOTH phrases in one sentence) danced a Rumba to the Temptations’ “My Girl.” The cute little Lucky Charms leprechaun also referred to the amazing Gladys when he said how magically lucky and delicious he felt to be dancing with a such a legend. On the dance floor, they looked like two large grapes in their ridiculous purple outfits. Gladys was given the weirdest, shiniest looking wig of all time (I think it was a “legendary” wig, as far as wigs go), and the dancing? Eh – it was okay. The judges poured out their hearts to her per usual, especially Len, who said “If I was home right now, I’d be on the phone voting for you.” If Len was home, he’d be on the throne pooping. I think that’s what he meant to say. Judges’ scores were 7/7/7.

Maria / Derek:

While Martha Reeves sang the live version of “Jimmy Mac,” the couple performed a foxtrot dance. Their movements were sophisticated and elegant, as Bruno pointed out. I don’t have much else to say about this couple, except that backstage, Derek seemed unbelievably hyper and strange. Maria had a slight slip on her dress during the dance, but they still got high scores of 8/9/9. Brooke asked “How does that feel?” and then moved the microphone away from their face as they tried to answer.

Roshon / Chelsie:

The song was “Cruisin’”by Smokey Robinson & The Miracles. The dance was a Rumba. Good ole’ Disneyboy got pretty sensual with this one, with slow and sexy moves throughout the dance and playing up the character. Horny Carrie Ann found it “sexy”. Cranky Len said it was “clipped and jerky,” like the end of his penis. Bruno commented “What you lack in size you make up for in fire!” (That’s what she said.) As he said this, he almost knocked Len over with his flailing arms of enthusiasm. Scores were 7/8/8.

Katherine / Mark:

My favorite dancer by far in this competition. This woman is so talented, and I just hope she continues to get the votes from an American audience who don’t really know who she is. They danced a Samba to The Temptations’ “Can’t Get Next to You” and it was filled with fantastic movement and flow. Len had a cheesy but funny line, “You’re like a Midwife! You just keep delivering week after week!” Bruno said something about Brazil and funkytown and a marriage and . . . oh, who the hell knows what that crazy dude is talking about. Scores were 10/9/10, because Len is a party pooper keeping people from perfect tens. If he was an Olympic judge, Mary Lou Retton would not be what she is today.

Donald / Heavens to Peta Mergatroyd:

The song was “The Way You Do the Things You Do” by The Temptations, and they both were wearing strange looking aqua colored costumes. Really nice dance though. They had good fluid movement throughout, and lots of fun to watch. Donald is very entertaining, and knows how to work a crowd. Bruno yelled: “Pizazz! Power! Confidence! You should be in the theatre!” Len yelled at Bruno: “Sit DOWN!”, which was hilarious, before telling Donald that his dance was excellent this week. Brooke reminded us backstage to vote, because nobody can get by on judges’ scores alone. It’s important to also eat a balanced breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Scores were 9/9/9.

Melissa / Maksim:

They did a Viennese Waltz as Smokey Robinson tried to move his smiling mouth to sing. Melissa’s eyes and eye parts continue to fall off and look like Mr. Potato Head pieces. After watching Mak’s famous temper flare once again during rehearsal footage, Tommy B. introduced him as “charm school drop-out Maksim” which was hilarious. Their dance was quite good, I just get bored by them for some reason. She grates on my nerves, and I think she grates on Maksim’s too. Carrie Ann saw a lot of improvement in her dance, calling it “artistry and poetry.” Their scores were 8/8/9.

Jaleel / Kym:

More music from the Temptations with “Ain’t Too Proud to Beg” as the couple danced the Cha cha. For some reason, I can’t get into this Urkel dude, but he is a pretty good dancer. He just looks like a giant insect and it distracts me. Bruno said that ole’ Bug Eyes was the “biggest sizzler of the season!” Then he randomly quoted Kelly Clarkson, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!” Um, okay. Relax. Judges’ scores were very high with 10/9/10.

William / Cheryl:

My second favorite couple in the competition; their Rumba was again spicy, hot, and sultry. Dancing a slow dance to “Being With You,” their movements inspired a series of comments that ended in total hilarity and chaos:

Bruno: It was utter filth and I loved every minute of it! You two are wired for sex!

Horny Carrie Ann: On behalf of women everywhere, THANK YOU!

Len: Raunchy, harsh, too hectic. It was good, but I can’t go into ecstasy over it like some people here!

Bruno: He needs Viagra.

Tommy B: Hellooooooo!!!

Freakin’ hilarious. Bruno is so out of control and I love him. Scores were 9/8/10.

MOTOWN MARATHON:

This was a dance competition where all the couples danced at the same time on the dance floor. As it started, Tommy B. made his voice all whispery-like, and announced: “I’m now reverting to my golf announcer voice as they get into position.” (Tommy B. – are you married? You are so damn hilarious and my crush on you knows no bounds.)  As they danced, judges chose couples to leave the floor, and they would get tapped on the shoulder to exit. The first couple to exit the floor was Gladys and Man Ass. They exited in a legendary manner. The last couple on the floor were Katherine and Mark. YAY!!! They got an extra 10 points added to their overall score for winning, and everyone else got a few points added as well, depending on when they were asked to leave the floor.

ELIMINATION SHOW:

Lots of things killed time during the show, such as the Macy’s Stars of Dance performance, more Motown performances, and talking to founder of Motown Barry Gordy, who was seated in the audience. I was very surprised that given the constant chatter about what a legend Gladys Knight is, that they didn’t have her SING during Motown Week! I mean, that just seemed sort of obvious to me. She is still touring, she is still good, and why have yet one more performance by The Temptations, when you’ve got Miss Legend right there? Why the hell didn’t she sing? Explain yourselves, producers.

After all the malarkey, the bottom two were Roshon/Chelsie, and Gladys / Man Ass. They both did the Dance Dual to a Jive, and in the end, two of the three judges chose to save Roshon – The Disneyboy. So legendary Gladys went home, and now she will have to watch from her legendary TV. Her last words were really nice: DWTS gives you another look at life. It’s like a fountain of youth.” A legendary fountain of youth.

Season 14, Episodes 10-11 (originally aired April 23 & 24, 2012)

For more on Dancing With the Stars, click here.  Follow @poptimal.  Follow @kelleyiskelley.  Read Kelley’s blog, which chronicles the loss of her husband, at ripthelifeiknew here.

Dancing With the Stars airs Mondays at 8/7c and Tuesdays at 9/8 c on ABC.

Photographs courtesy of ABC/Adam Taylor

Once Upon A Time Review: That’s What Makes It So Sad

Once Upon A Time was back with a bang Sunday night, ushering in its final push of the season with a few answers, yes, but also a bevy of new questions.

Mary Margaret (Ginnifer Goodwin) has been cleared of murder, since Kathryn (Anastasia Griffith) isn’t actually dead. All of the people who believed her guilty are her friends again, David (Josh Dallas) included. When he tries to attend her coming home party, Emma (Jennifer Morrison) advises him to give Mary Margaret some more time.

August W. Booth (Eion Bailey) continues his friendship with Henry (Jared Gilmore), playing on the boy’s hopes for getting Emma to believe in the fairytale book, and talks him into helping with a scheme. Henry goes into Mr. Gold’s shop to buy a gift for Miss Blanchard while August slips in through the back to snoop. He’s looking for something, and his actions make us wonder if he could be Baelfire, Rumplestilskin’s son.

Mr. Gold (Robert Carlyle) catches him there, and his own suspicions take flight. He and Regina (Lana Parrilla) also have it out, because according to her, he broke their deal to get rid of Kathryn and frame Mary Margaret. While Regina believed her intent to have Kathryn murdered was clear, Gold sees things otherwise. She reminds him that they’re on the same side, have always been on the same side, and wonders aloud why he created the curse if it wasn’t for her.

He looks her in the eye, and tells her he’s only ever broken one deal in his life, and it wasn’t the one he made with her. He had his own reasons for helping her create the curse that brought them to Storybrooke, but if she wants to know what they are, she’ll have to figure it out on her own.

But we won’t have to wonder, because I’m going to tell you what it is in a minute.

Kathryn and David have a moment in the hospital, just to make it clear their relationship is still over even after her tragic disappearance. The interaction between the two of them is a nice mirror of their interactions in Fairytale Land, where they had an easy affection for one another but no romance. Honestly it’s one of the first things about them in Storybrooke that has made sense.

In Fairytale Land, the villagers live in fear of Rumplestilskin. He murders people for accidentally hurting his son, or for no reason at all. The war with the ogres was put to an end by his power, so he believes the land owes him such a debt that he’s allowed to behave however he chooses. But Baelfire hates what his father is becoming, and makes a deal with him. If Bae can find a way for things to go back to normal that doesn’t end in his father’s death by that magic dagger, then they’ll take it.

The Blue Fairy gives Bae the answer in the form of a magic bean, the last one known to their world. It will take him and his father to a world without magic, where they can be together. It’s the only way, because the last bit of goodness inside Rumplestilskin is his love for his son. When Bae tells his father he’s found a way out, Rumplestilskin hesitates. For all of his love for his son, and his good intentions in making the deal, he’s afraid of losing his magic. The darkness is taking him over, and the more power he has, the more he craves.

When Bae throws the bean to the ground, creating a portal to a world with no magic, Rumplestilskin lets go of him at the last moment. He’s alone in Fairytale Land, but he promises the Blue Fairy that he will find a way to reunite with his boy.

Storybrooke is a distinctly un-magical place these days. David doesn’t take Emma’s advice, instead waiting for Mary Margaret outside her school. When he confronts her, apologizing for not believing in her, the moment fills with sadness. He’s just a man, and he made a mistake.

We understand that, as an audience, and Mary Margaret understands it too. But she can’t get the image of his face, not believing in her, out of her mind. The fact that they love one another doesn’t ever seem to be enough.

And, in her words, “that’s what makes the whole thing so sad.”

Mr. Gold snoops through August W. Booth’s room and finds a drawing of the knife that gave him his power in Fairytale Land. He’s convinced the man is his son, who came to our world long before the curse sent everyone else here too. He talks with Archie Hopper (Raphael Sbarge), confessing that although he wants his son’s forgiveness more than anything in the world, he fears the boy is beyond the ability to grant it to him. Archie advises him to tell August the truth, and let the chips fall where they may.

Mr. Gold does just that in a tension-filled, emotional scene that leaves both men in an embrace of forgiveness. AWB feared that his father would never be able to change while the knife still existed, and to prove that he has, Gold shows him where it’s hidden. After they dig it up, AWB uses it to try to control Gold into doing his bidding.

At that moment, Gold knows this man cannot be his son. His son would know there is no magic in this world, and that the knife would have no effect (other than being sharp and all that). AWB breaks down, admitting he’s not Baelfire, but that he needs magic to cure an illness – he’s dying. He came to Storybrooke to try to get Emma to believe, to free them all and restore them to their world so that magic could return.

Gold tells AWB that he has a chance to do just that, because Emma trusts him, and that he shouldn’t give up.

Like I said, we learned a few things. Kathryn is alive, and Regina talked Sidney Glass (Giancarlo Esposito) into taking the fall. Emma doesn’t believe her, and at the end of the night challenged Regina head on for the first time in weeks – and promised she’s going to do everything in her power to get her son back.

David and Mary Margaret are on hold, at least for now, and as much as it hurts and as much as we won’t stop wanting them to be together, it’s the right move for the series right now. Those will-they-won’t-they storylines get old fast, and some time apart is the best thing for everyone involved (audience included). Plus, he’s still kind of a douche bag and Mary Margaret could do better. My opinion.

August W. Booth is not Baelfire…but Baelfire is somewhere in our world. I ask you this: could the real Baelfire be Henry’s father? And if AWB isn’t Baelfire, then who is he? How did he learn about the knife, or who Rumplestilskin is, or come to believe in magic and fairytales with such certainty?

I’m not sure I loved the “I’m dying” explanation for AWB’s pursuit of the knife (and his attempt to masquerade as Baelfire). It seems a little bit lazy, which is not something I associate with the writers of this show, and also it’s selfish. It doesn’t make me like AWB, or care about what happens to him, and that means I’m going to be bored with his storyline in the future.

On the farthest possible opposite hand, the villain they’ve created in Rumplestilskin is close to perfect. He is evil in Fairytale Land, but it’s easy to see how that kind of unlimited power corrupted his soul. His love for his son, in that world and in ours, is endearing and sympathetic. We may not ever like him, but we understand him.

He created the curse so that he could come to our world to find Baelfire. Regina assumes he did it because of the deal they struck, but now we’re left to wonder if he is for or against Emma breaking the curse and sending them all home. We do know he left AWB alive (for now) and with a fighting chance to get Emma to believe.

So is Mr. Gold working with Regina, against Regina, or as Emma said, “diagonally” Regina?

Until next time, lovelies.

Season 1, Episode 19 “The Return” (originally aired April 22, 2012)

Once Upon A Time airs Sunday nights at 8/7c on ABC

Images courtesy of Jack Rowand and ABC.

Once Upon A Time Review: How Evil is Made…Or Chosen

We’ve been waiting all season to learn what horrible atrocity Snow White committed in the past that could have earned her the undying and considerable hatred of our very own Evil Queen. The Queen has made no secret of her desire to make Snow pay for her crime, both in Fairytale Land and in Storybrooke, and even Snow White acknowledged the fact that she “ruined the Queen’s life” when explaining the situation to Charming.

It made me nervous, the revelation of this secret, the answer to this mystery that has held a growing audience captive for months. I worried that after such a buildup, reality might feel anticlimactic. I fretted that the status quo would be upset, that Regina (Lana Parrilla) would suddenly become a woman hard to hate – which under normal circumstances would be exactly the kind of “bad” guy I love to see – but the mythology in this show (in all fairytales) is that even though people are complicated, there is still good, and there is evil. Regina and Rumplestilskin reminded us a couple of weeks ago that evil is not born, it is made. I should have trusted the writers to bring us a reveal worthy of the stories and characters they’ve created.

In Fairytale Land, we meet a beautiful young Regina. She’s full of vigor and passion, and wants to live a life of her own choosing. Her father dotes on her, but her mother Cora (Barbary Hershey) has grand plans for her only child. She’ll use whatever methods are at her disposal, be it guilt, threats, or potent magic, to ensure Regina continues their family’s upward social climb. Regina is in love with Daniel (Noah Bean), the stable boy, but the two of them haven’t gotten up the courage to talk to Cora about their intention to marry. Regina laments that they can’t fight her mother, her magic is too strong, but Daniel reminds her that nothing is more powerful than true love.

At that moment a little girl gallops past on an out of control horse, screaming for help. Regina rescues her, even giving her a pep talk about getting back on the horse right away, and the two of them share a sweet moment. The little girl is, of course, a young Snow White (played by Bailee Madison). The two bond, and when the King comes to pay his thanks, he also asks Regina to marry him. Her mother accepts without thinking, forcing Regina’s hand. She and Daniel decide to run away together, but when they’re caught kissing in the barn by little Snow, their love story takes a dangerous turn.

Storybrooke is also a dark place these days, with the sweet Mary Margaret (Ginnifer Goodwin) locked up for a murder she didn’t commit, ex-newspaperman Sidney Glass (Giancarlo Esposito) and world class enigma Mr. Gold (Robert Carlyle) working both sides of the aisle, and Regina doing everything in her power to make sure Mary Margaret leaves Storybrooke for good. We can assume the mayor is well aware that a sentence to leave town is as good as death for our dear, dear Snow White.

David (Josh Dallas) has finally realized what an asshole (pardon my French) he’s been and wants to make amends, but Emma (Jennifer Morrison) runs interference, telling him that Mary Margaret doesn’t want to see him. I don’t blame her, but I am glad to see him making some sort of effort at pulling himself together as a person.

In a great connecting scene to last week’s forward motion on the idea of belief, Emma flips through Henry’s (Jared Gilmore) book, reading the story of the Evil Queen. She’s joined by Augustus W. Booth (Eion Bailey), who encourages her to take another look at the evidence, prompting the two of them to traipse back to the crime scene. In the hole where Mary Margaret’s heart-laden jewelry box was found, Emma finds a piece of shovel. She and August find the corresponding evidence in Regina’s garage (with a little help from Henry and those walkie talkies), but when she returns the next day with a search warrant, the evidence is gone. Emma blames August, since he’s the only one who knew – at least until she discovers the bug Sidney Glass planted in her office.

In the meantime, Regina has been to see Mary Margaret, who is, of course, genuinely confused why the mayor hates her so ferociously. Regina admits she knows Mary Margaret is innocent of the murder for which she’s about to go on trial, but maintains that Storybrooke’s ex-favorite school teacher deserves every bad thing that’s about to happen to her. Regina also tells Emma that Mary Margaret will “never ruin anyone’s life ever again.” Mr. Gold is still promising Regina that he’s on her side, still feeding Emma platitudes about the war not being lost just yet, and honestly it’s anyone’s guess what his endgame really is at this point.

The tale ends badly in Fairytale Land, I’m afraid. Regina’s mother is a terrible person, and when she senses her daughter isn’t happy about the impending royal nuptials, she asks little Snow if she knows anything. Regina told Snow all about true love, about her and Daniel, and made her promise not to tell a soul. But she’s just a little girl who lost her mother, no match for Cora, who is a master at the art of deception and trickery. She plucks the little girl’s emotions like a banjo, until all Snow wants is to save Regina from her sorry fate – a world in which she could no longer have her mother. When Cora tells Snow that she wants what’s best for her daughter, that she only wants her to be happy, Snow breaks down and tells her that she should let Regina marry Daniel, then, because they’re in love.

Obviously Cora did not scrimp and save and scheme and generally sell her soul to the devil so that her daughter could marry a stable boy. In an intense, horrible, climactic scene, Cora rips out Daniel’s heart and crushes it, leaving Regina a shell of the happy, hopeful girl who believed in true love. Instead she’s a woman who hates, who believes in nothing, who craves nothing but revenge on the child who ruined her life.

The writer’s turn out an origin story for Regina that’s all but flawless. Yes, it’s terribly sad, but it tells us more than one piece of imperative information. We learn not only what it is that Snow White did to earn herself an evil stepmother and an enemy for life, but we see that evil is indeed not born, but made. We get the opportunity to see Regina as a beautiful young woman, brimming with positivity and full of hope for the future, and we are smacked in the face at the turn of events that transformed her into the woman she is today. But she had a choice, as we all do, when faced with circumstances that do not turn out as we planned. As horrible as what happened to her one true love is, Regina is still the one who condems a child for her misfortune, instead of placing the blame on her mother, which is where is belongs.

So even as we understand Regina, she is still the Evil Queen. Snow White is still the good, the innocent, and all is right with the world.

For Your Consideration: Could August W. Booth be Rumplestilskin’s son Baelfire (Dylan Schmid)? Maybe?

Also Worth a Second of Thought: Kathryn (Anastasia Griffith) returned at the end of this episode, dirty and looking confused but very much alive. We can assume that she’s now (or perhaps always has been) in a similar situation to the Huntsman, who lived even though Regina held his heart captive. Kathryn’s alive, a fact which will surely put a kink in the prosecution of Mary Margaret, but what will being presented with a living (heartless) person do for Emma’s growing belief in magic and fairytales? What will it mean to the rest of Storybrooke? Also, where the heck has Kathryn been all this time?

Also: I would be remiss in not mentioning what a fantastic job young Bailee Madison did in this episode. Not only does she look the part, but her mannerisms, inflection, and delivery came off as pleasingly similar to Ginnifer Goodwin’s. Even those wonderful nuances aside, Miss Madison did an amazing job slipping into the skin of a young girl that would become the legendary Snow White.

Season 1, Episode 18 “The Stable Boy” (originally aired April 1, 2012)

Once Upon A Time airs Sunday nights at 8/7c on ABC

Images courtesy of Jack Rowand and ABC.

 

Once Upon A Time Review: What Made the Hatter Go Mad

Tonight’s Once Upon A Time introduced a fantastic new character with fascinating and eye-popping backstory in Fairytale Land, in addition to delivering some emotional punches from our established players in Storybrooke.

Some people might try to tell you that this episode advanced nothing. Tell those people to take another look, because stories are not advanced by plot alone. Last night both Emma (Jennifer Morrison) and Mary Margaret (Ginnifer Goodwin) took small but necessary steps in moving their characters forward, ever closer to the people they will need to become in order to defeat Regina (Lana Parrilla) and return the fairytale characters to the lives they are meant to lead.

Mary Margaret escaped from jail at the end of last week’s episode after hiring Rumplestilskin as her attorney and subsequently finding a key to her cell tucked beneath her pillow. If you were thinking those two things might be connected….you’d be correct. But Mary Margaret doesn’t know that, she only knows that no one, not even her beloved David, believes in her innocence. She runs, and Emma takes off in pursuit with Henry’s warning ringing in her ears: no one gets out of Storybrooke alive.

Instead of finding Mary Margaret, Emma finds a strange man named Jefferson (Sebastian Stan) when she nearly mows him down with her car. Feeling badly about his resulting limp, she offers to drive him home and helps him inside. He brings her tea, and a couple of sips later, Emma passes out on the couch.

In Fairytale land, a man plays hide and seek in the woods with his daughter, Grace (Ali Skovbye). He’s interrupted by the arrival of the Evil Queen (or you know, just the Queen at the time), and it’s clear from the ensuing discussion that the two of them have had previous dealings. The (Evil) Queen wants another favor but the man refuses, saying the only thing he cares about is being there for his young daughter. There’s a reference to his work for the (Evil) Queen being the reason for his wife’s death, but we’re left to speculate on that point for the time being.

He changes his mind about doing this “one last job” (never a good sign in stories, the one last job. It almost always turns out to be the one last job because the person is dead or imprisoned afterward) after not being able to afford a toy his daughter fancies at the market, and brings a case to the (Evil) Queen.

What does he pull out? A hat. A black top hat that spins until they jump inside, emerging in a room full of mirrors – also known as a looking glass, yes? – and pick the one that leads to Wonderland.

Yes, folks, we have a Mad Hatter in Storybrooke.

In Wonderland, a place that the Hatter hates (fantastic tidbit), they sneak into the Queen of Hearts’ lands to retrieve a mysterious object she stole from the (Evil) Queen. It turns out to be the Regina’s father, which complicates the situation because only the same number that went into the looking glass can go back through. They came in as two, but now they are three. Since Regina’s involved, I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that she and her father are the ones who get to go home, leaving the Hatter to face the Queen of Hearts wrath in Wonderland.

There are some genuinely imaginative, breathtaking moments that follow, and I’m not going to spoil them for you. The Queen of Hearts famous command of “off with his head” produces a rather shocking and unexpected result, and we learn what made our rather average Hatter go mad in the first place – the loss of his life and his young daughter.

The Hatter in Storybrooke (or Jefferson, as he prefers to be called), is one of the only people who remembers the life that has been ripped from him. The knowledge, the struggle to conflate two realities, but most of all having to watch his daughter being raised by strangers, has driven him quite mad indeed. While the other characters are cursed with forgetting, he is instead cursed with remembering it all.

Jefferson’s kidnapped Mary Margaret, and he promises Emma the only way either of them are getting out of his house alive is if she uses her special powers to make his hat work again so that he and his daughter can go home.

There is some serious magic  woven into the scene between Jefferson and Emma, in which he tells her that the stories in Henry’s book are real, that the curse exists, and that she’s the one who has to bring magic back into this world. Something sparks in Emma’s eyes as she tells him maybe it’s time she starts believing, that she wants it to be real that Mary Margaret is her mother, but as relief floods his face and he goes to get the hat, Emma whacks him on the head and calls him a nutcase.

The thing is, I don’t believe her. The look in her eyes, the desperate desire in her voice – she does want to believe in magic, in the fairytales. Her finding a place where that belief is possible is going to be a huge turning point in the series, and that’s what I mean about plot not being the only element to bring about change. This shift in Emma’s character is essential, and Jennifer Morrison, Sebastian Stan, and the writers of the show nailed the smallest of moments and turned it into something huge.

The payoff comes later, after Mary Margaret kicks Jefferson through a glass (clever!) window and he disappears. In the driveway, as Emma and Mary Margaret have that awkward “oh you have to take me back to jail” moment, Emma gives Mary Margaret the option. She can run, but Emma wants her to stay. Mary Margaret believed in her when no one else did, and she wants the favor returned now, because they’re family. She corrects herself quickly, changing the word to friends, but it’s there. And it’s enough to make us wonder if the Hatter’s convincing, passionate certainty that there are many worlds out there, and that fairytales are created from real life, has managed to plant that necessary seed of belief in Emma’s mind.

There’s further proof that this might be the case when Emma and Henry (Jared Gilmore) talk outside his school and the Hatter’s daughter walks by. Emma asks to see the book, then quickly discovers the story about the Hatter and that he did indeed have a young daughter. She asks to keep the book, and I get the feeling she’s going to be reading it a bit closer from now on.

Mary Margaret is back in jail, surprising Regina, who is obviously expecting to find her gone. Mr. Gold (Robert Carlyle) is there too, and we learn that while he might be Mary Margaret’s lawyer, and he may be “invested in her future,” that doesn’t mean he’s not playing both sides. All sides? At any rate, he struck some kind of bargain with Regina to help put Mary Margaret in jail. Which when it comes to him, doesn’t mean he won’t find a way to do exactly the opposite.

It looks like we’re headed toward a season finale in which we finally learn the reason that the Evil Queen harbors so much hatred for our sweet young Snow White, which is a question that’s been haunting me since the series pilot. I’m excited to see how this all plays out, but in the mean time, if there were another ten episodes as good as tonight’s I would gobble up every single one without complaint.

The character of the Hatter is everything we’ve come to expect when the writers give us new or reimagined origin stories. We learned who he was, how he fell into trouble with Regina, what happened to make him the Mad Hatter of Wonderland, the one we know and love. After one hour he’s a fully formed character full of grief and instantly believable motivations, but also one who maintains a bit of mystery.

What we don’t know is what happened to his wife, if he ever makes it back to Grace in Fairytale Land…or the true identity of the red veiled Queen of Hearts.

Any guesses out there on what exactly the Evil Queen thinks Snow White deserves to pay for? Will David (Josh Dallas) come around and be there for Mary Margaret, or will he remember more about their true selves?

What kind of impact will Emma’s fledgling belief in magic and fairytales and curses have on her life and her quest in Storybrooke?

So many questions. Which is exactly how it should be.

Season 1, Episode 17 “Hat Trick” (originally aired March 25, 2012)

Once Upon A Time airs Sunday nights at 8/7c on ABC

Images courtesy of Jack Rowand and ABC.

 

Once Upon A Time Review: Night and Day

This week’s episode, Heart of Darkness, served to reinforce this viewer’s feelings on two subjects: that I adore Prince Charming (aka James), and that David (Josh Dallas) is fast becoming a man I’d tell my friend Mary Margaret (Ginnifer Goodwin) to avoid like the plague. The show is still too new for me to give over my trust completely, but for all of its heartbreaking potential, I hope the writing staff knows what they’re doing.

Disclaimer: Yes, I’m aware that in the real world, people make mistakes. They say things they regret. Life does not always work out the way we plan.

That said, the whole concept of Once Upon A Time rests on the idea that some things are meant to be. Some people are meant to be together, and no curse, no evil queen, can keep them apart. For the most part, the Fairytale Lane characters and their Storybrooke counterparts have been similar enough to reinforce this idea. Prince Charming aka David doesn’t fit in with the rest of them. He’s a constructed completely different in FairytaleLand.

He’s also the only character – so far – to struggle with believing this reality is true and accurate, and the only one to have glimpses into a different past. I don’t know what that means. I hope it’s intentional, and that at some point we’ll be treated to a wonderfully clever bit of mythology that explains what makes him so different – one that will make me understand and forgive his spineless behavior over the past couple of weeks.

Heart of Darkness revealed more pieces of Prince Charming and Snow White’s fairytale puzzle. Snow is acting strange ever since she drank Rumplestilskin’s potion, which allowed her to forget Prince Charming and the love they shared, along with the pain of losing him. She’s mean, hateful, and rude to her dwarves. One of my favorite bits of the episode is the scene where she tries to smack a bluebird with a broom instead of singing with it.

Grumpy (Lee Arenberg), along with the others, encourages her to get help to reverse the effects of the spell, but Snow wants no part in it. Instead she’s determined to kill the Evil Queen (Lana Parrilla) and extract revenge for her losses that way.  Rumplestilskin (Robert Carlyle) is all too willing to help, but only with killing the Queen. Love is the only potion that can’t be bottled, he tells her, and true love’s kiss is the only way to reverse her memory loss and bring her back to the loving woman she once was. What he does give her is a bow, some arrows, and a map pointing to the perfect place to assassinate the Queen.

When Prince Charming arrives, Rumplestilskin offers to tell him where he can find Snow in exchange for the Prince’s cloak. After Charming leaves, our resident dealmaker plucks a hair from his prize, and puts it into a vial with the one he took from Snow White several episodes earlier. The strands of hair intertwine and begin to glow – Rumplestilskin has his bottled love.

When Charming finds Snow he kisses her, but it obviously doesn’t work like it’s supposed to, since she punches him and ties him to a tree instead of falling into his arms. The problem is, of course, that she doesn’t love him, not anymore. Jiminy Cricket (Raphael Sbarge) arrives and frees the Prince, who promptly finds Snow and jumps in front of the arrow meant for the Queen. Something about his willingness to die for her makes Snow reconsider whether or not forgetting him is the right thing to do, and she kisses him again. This time it works, and she remembers their love and that it’s worth fighting for. Unfortunately, King George’s men fall upon them in that moment and take Charming away. Snow calls after him, “I’ll always find you.”

In Storybrooke, things are quite different. Emma (Jennifer Morrison) finds more and more evidence that points to Mary Margaret, and when the DNA confirms the heart belongs to Kathryn, she has no choice but to proceed with the arrest. Mary Margaret hires Mr. Gold as her attorney, which may or may not be the smartest decision, and when she tells him she can’t pay, he says he’s going to help anyway. When she asks why, he responds (exactly as he did in FairytaleLand) that he’s invested in her future.

I am starting to suspect that though Mr. Gold/Rumplestilskin has ulterior motives, that they’re not what we guess. He may turn out to be the unlikely hero of this piece.

While Emma and Henry (Jared Gilmore) work to prove that Regina is somehow behind the whole thing and framing Mary Margaret, David goes to Dr. Hopper to try to recover his memories. What he remembers isn’t what happened to Kathryn, though, but his conversation (as Prince Charming) with Snow White about killing the Queen. Since he’s a jackass who apparently doesn’t realize that the “Mary Margaret” in his memory has long hair, and is wearing a cloak as they stand in huge snow drifts – none of which is true in Storybrooke – he goes to the jail and asks her if she killed Kathryn. Mary Margaret is rightfully indignant, reminding David that when all of the evidence pointed his way she stood by him, because she knew in her heart he could never be capable of such evil.

Evil is, we’re reminded several times over the course of the evening, not born, but made.

The night ends with Mary Margaret escaped from jail, and Emma asking Mr. Gold for his help in defeatingRegina.

Other interesting facts:

-          Henry and Emma learn thatRegina’s keys fit every lock in town, making it possible that she broke in and framed Mary Margaret

-          The Stranger (Eion Bailey) talks to Henry in Granny’s, letting us know for the first time that he is not only aware of Henry’s book, but believes what it says. He also reveals that he’s in town to help Emma believe it too.

Like I said at the beginning, I want to know what makes David/Prince Charming the only character who is vastly, fundamentally different in Storybrooke. In Fairytale Land, even the fact that Snow was mean, and hateful, and bent on murder couldn’t stop him from standing at her side. In Storybrooke, he is as spineless as a jellyfish, like a leaf tossed on winds that change with every new day. He stands for nothing, believes in nothing, has faith in nothing – least of all himself.

It’s going to be interesting to watch the remainder of the story play out over the next couple of weeks. Will Mary Margaret change in the face of the false accusations, with the knowledge that no one believes in her innocence? Will she list toward evil, the way Snow White did when she lost the power of her and Charming’s true love?

More importantly, if she does, will David find his courage, his faith, and be there to save her from herself?

Season 1, Episode 16 “Heart of Darkness” (originally aired March 18, 2012)

Once Upon A Time airs Sunday nights at 8/7c on ABC

Images courtesy of Jack Rowand and ABC.

 

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