Survivor: Gabon: Season of the Underdog

If Survivor: Micronesia was the stupidest season of Survivor yet, then Survivor: Gabon was the season of the underdog. Who would have though that Bob, Susie and Sugar would make it to the final three or that Kenny or Crystal would make it as far as they did, and by being the masterminds, nonetheless? Survivor threw a lot of curve balls this season and kept the audience on its feet as much as the players.

The truth is, I can’t say that this season intrigued me as much as last season. I guess the fact that there were actually relatively nice people in the final three might be a testament to how uneventful Gabon was. Sure there was a little backstabbing, but there was a lot more complaining. And when people got sneaky, let’s just say it never panned out in the most interesting way.

There were three members of the Fang tribe in the final five, and if you didn’t keep up with this season, the Fang tribe was the one that sucked so bad that they almost made me cry. They lost almost every challenge and barely won an immunity, so basically this season had very little to do with actual skill or physical prowess.

The Survivor Gods also planned to keep us on our toes. Just when the players felt they had an idea about what was about to happen, BAM! Our players definitely thought there was going to be a merge, but was there? No. Just another team switcheroo. They also had them switch up teams during a task where they had to rank eachother. Who would have thought the task would end up sealing their fate? There was also one tribal council that was times two. Two immunities, two tribal councils and two people sent home. In your face survivors!

However, we must highlight the moments, the players and the one liners this season that were such great entertainment that they cannot be denied.

THE MOMENTS
5.) Crystal spilling the bag of rice. There’s nothing worse than wasting the only edible commodity in the jungle. Seeing everyone act like it wasn’t  a big deal and Crystal scooping up dirty rice back into the bad was priceless.

4.) Kenny tried to sneakily read a message about an immunity idol found when all of the players were feasting on the beach. Somehow the group was convinced to chuck the idol in the water instead of duke it out over who gets it. What next? Should we sit in a big circle and sing Kumbaya?

3.) Sugar set the Survivor record for most consecutive visits to Exile Island. Not to mention the fact that she found the hidden immunity idol on her first try. Didn’t anyone notice that she kept coming back looking refreshed, energized and a little plumper while they all looked sickly, weak and starving?

2.) Randy got played real bad when he was ousted with a fake idol. He trusted Bob to save his butt and accepted an “idol” believing it to be real. After being voted out, he attempted to play it, only to find that it was handmade by Bob.

1.) Speaking of Bob’s shining moment of the entire season…When Bob was on Exile Island, he ingeniously devised a plot. With shells, sticks and tar/amber/some sticky scientific substance, Bob made the best looking a fake idol I’ve ever seen. Even I couldn’t dream up something so sneaky.

THE PLAYERS
5.) Corinne - The unapologetic girl with a mouth on her. She acted like she was never mean, but man have I never heard behind-the-back, smack talk like this girl dished out.

4.) Sugar - She seemed sweet as apple pie, but this pinup model proved she was no dimwit.

3.) Kenny - He proclaimed himself the best player in the game. Only he didn’t seem to see that the way he played was pretty weak.

2.) Randy - He decided that he’d play the evil card. Don’t ask me why since the evil card never won anyone any friends, nor did it make for funny TV.

1.) Bob - The sweet, science teacher was the old man of the game. He had the brains to create fire with rock and a flint. He had the endurance to roll on a log and stand taller than everyone else. And he got down and sneaky when he needed to. The hands-down winner this season, he managed to outplay, outwit and outlast the rest.

THE ZINGERS
5.) “You are a disgusting, old, hotheaded, chauvinistic, alcoholic bigot and you need to grow up before you die alone.” - Sugar (of Randy)

4.) “Sasquatch is Crystal, which is also Big Foot, which is also T-Rex.” - Randy

3.) “He’s socially inept. Was he a former fatty?” - Corinne (of Dan)

2.) “I hate her. I want to stab her in the face! She’s loco en la cabeza!” - Susie (of Corinne)

1.) “The small print at the bottom of the contract was ‘I help you, you help me,’ not, ‘I help you, you stab me in the back.” - Bob (to Kenny)

Survivor: Tocantins — The Brazilian Highlands will premiere on Thursday, February 12 at 8PM ET/PT on CBS.

For more shows, click here.

Photographs courtesy of CBS .

My Own Worst Enemy: Greetings and Salutations, and Cancellations

Time has passed, and I’m still bitter about NBC’s cancellation of My Own Worst Enemy. Oh, I know most of you didn’t like it, or stopped watching, or figured Heroes is so awful, anything that follows it has to be terrible too. But I must disagree with you. Sure, it was a little slow and had plot holes worthy of Fringe, but it also had Christian Slater.  Heathers-style Christian Slater. Which is like, cool Christian Slater times ten. Read more

Advanced Movie Screenings

From time-to-time, we have extra passes that our Featured Writers are unable to use.  As such, we offer them to our faithful readers and podcast audience. Here is what you do to qualify:

1. Look below to see if the movie is playing in your area.
2. Listen to the Poptimal.com’s The Jone Dome (Episode #7) and participate in the Jone Dome’s Top Busted Couple Contest.
3. Call into the show’s hotline and leave a message on their voicemail 206-426-7263.  In your message state:

The name of the movie,

The location,

BE SURE TO INCLUDE YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS

Who you think would be your own top busted couple (based on Episode #7) and why you chose them. (don’t use Ference or Double Edge’s examples)

Your message may get played on the show so make it good.  The funnier the explanation, the more likely you are to be selected   (You can also email us at JoneDome@poptimal.com, but voicemails are given top priority)  Many will enter, few will win.  Good Luck!!

Inkheart

Culver City, CA | Arvada, CO

Revolutionary Road (Leo DiCaprio)

Rochester, NY | Tuscon, AZ | Henderson, NV | Albuquerque, NM | Albany, NY | Richmond Heights, OH

Paul Blart:  Mall Cop (Kevin James)

Tarentum, PA | Syracuse, NY | Rochester, NY | Albany, NY | South Beach, FL

Not Easily Broken

Tempe, AZ | Las Vegas, NV | Denver, CO | Kansas City, KS | Roseville, MN

Defiance

Boston, MA | Rochester, NY | Albany, NY | Tucson, AZ | Las Vegas, NV | Albuquerque, NM | Owings Mills, MD

Aventura, FL | Baltimore, MD | Birmingham, MI | San Francisco, CA | Minneapolis, MN | Philadelphia, PA

Phoenix, AZ

Last Chance Harvey

Philadelphia, PA

Hotel For Dogs

Philadelphia, PA | Manchester, CT | Clinton Township, MI | Tigard, OR | Novi, MI

Bride Wars

Albany, NY | West Valley City, Utah | Tuscon, AZ | Las Vegas, NV | Albuqueruque, NM

Gran Torino

Nashville, TN | Charlotte, NC | Tucson, AZ | Las Vegas | Albuquerque, NM

Virginia Beach, VA | Baltimore, MD | Providence, RI |

The Reader

Orlando, FL | Ft. Myers, FL | Boca Raton, FL

Bedtime Stories

Seattle, WA | Portland, OR | Dallas, TX

The Wrestler

La Jolla, CA

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles

It’s been a good year for Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Science fiction doesn’t necessarily have it easy when it comes to broadcast television. It plays to a particular audience (guys!), and much of that audience isn’t even watching, which is sad for them. Read more

Eli Stone: Two Ministers

This latest episode of Eli Stone picks up right after the cliffhanger involving Eli having a vision of Beth leaving Nate at the altar. The couple comes and visits Eli at his apartment. Eli tries to subtly drop hints that marriage is a big commitment and they shouldn’t rush into it, but their response is to ask Eli to upgrade from being best man to being their minister. That’s the first minister referred to in the title.

The second minister comes to visit Keith at the firm. He claims to know Keith but Keith doesn’t recognize him right away. Finally he realizes that it is his reverend Michelle Stills…only now Michelle is Michael Stills. Michael Stills has a problem: he was let go by St. Anne’s Church without even having the opportunity to address his flock about his gender change.

Keith enlists Eli’s help. Eli sees the case as a simple case of discrimination, but the church insists it is merely a contractual dispute. The church claims that they made a contract with Michelle Stills, not Michael Stills, and are thus under no obligation to enlist his services. Keith tries to stick Eli with the case and bow out, but Eli forces him to stay on. It seems Keith also has reservations about his minister’s radical life choice. All Michael Stills wants is a chance to deliver his sermon. The church offers him a settlement payment but nix the sermon, stating that many members of the congregation are leaving because of Stills. Eli has no choice but to take it to trial.

Meanwhile, Eli continues to prod at Nate about his marriage plans and Nate finally gets suspicious that Eli had a vision about the wedding. Eli tries to nervously deflect Nate’s accusation, but Nate isn’t convinced. Nate calls Frank and asks him if Eli has mentioned having any visions. Frank tells Nate that he and Eli aren’t really talking. I guess that has something to do with Eli going to another acupuncturist to do some more of that dark arts voodoo after Frank refused. Frank warns Eli to stop doing this dangerous sorcery stuff and implores him not to go to Las Vegas for his brother’s wedding. Eli refuses.

And unfortunately, we have to be subjected to more Taylor/Matt pregnancy crap. The ridiculous couple are informed that there might be some chromosomal deficiency with their baby. You can guess what goes on from there. Taylor cries and whines, Matt tries to crack jokes, they talk about their relationship and…gag me. Gee, do you think that maybe the baby might actually be perfectly fine? I’m so sick of these characters. They add nothing to the show and they have no redeeming values.

The wedding goes down in flames, just as Eli foresaw. Turns out Beth still has the hots for Eli…which really makes no sense because Eli has been available for quite some time and no one made her go after Nate. Nate blames Eli of course, saying that Eli has ruined his chance at having a happy life, and by taking back the aneurism, Eli took away any sense of purpose for Nate. He doesn’t have a family and he doesn’t have a gift. He’s just alone. Boo hoo. The two brothers are going at it full steam when Eli’s nose starts bleeding. Thus we are left with another cliffhanger of sorts, as Eli Stone starts winding down to the very end.

This is a decent episode that at least gives Keith a better subplot than all the Angela/Patti drama of late. It’s good to have Nate around, as the scenes between the two siblings are always well-written and well-acted. But this is far from the best the show has given us, and Victor Garber’s presence is sorely missed.

Season 2, Episode 9: Two Ministers (originally aired December 30, 2008)

For more on Eli Stone, click here.

Tuesdays at 10/9C on ABC

Photographs courtesy of ABC

True Blood: Sex, Drugs, and Rock ‘n’ Roll

I am not a Charlaine Harris fan. It’s not that I have anything against her, her writing, or The Southern Vampire Mysteries series. I just haven’t gotten around to reading them. I’ve always loved vampire stories. There’s just something mythical, dark, sexy and mysterious about them. I was never a Moonlight fan, but I loved me some Buffy and Angel. And I blew through Meyers’ Twilight series in about three weeks, so I would say I was primed for the HBO television adaptation True Blood. It could have been a big ball of flaming crap, and I’m sure I would love it no matter what, as long as some lovin’, a few deaths and fangs were included.

The show did not fail. Almost immediately, True Blood became a sensation, and HBO finally had something to compete with Showtime since The Sopranos and Sex and the City ended. It’s no surprise that the show was quickly picked up for a second season, and after this one, I can see why. If you loved Harris’ books and weren’t too judgmental, you were quickly made a fan. Even if you thought the acting was subpar and the southern accents abysmal, it fits so sweetly into the guilty pleasure category.

It looks like the show will follow the Dexter model. They will follow the books pretty closely during the first season, and then branch out to tell more of their own stories in the subsequent seasons. We were introduced to Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin), a special resident of Bon Temps. Imagine an extremely small, backwater town where everyone knows everyone’s business, and the people and the times are extremely similar to our own, except for one large difference.

In the True Blood world, vampires have come out of hiding and begun to claim equality just like any other civil rights movement of the past. Forget that they aren’t really alive, they should be treated like people too. This central plot is meant to mirror the issues that America has dealt with in the past and are still dealing with to this day, especially homosexuals and their current plight for the right to marry.

I’ll embrace a show that tackles such grave but important issues like this any day. Sookie works at Merlotte’s, the town’s eating establishment and bar. She works with her friends, including her boss Sam Merlotte (Sam Trammell), her smart-talking best friend Tara (Rutina Wesley) and friend Arlene, and Tara’s cousin Lafayette. She lives with her grandmother and near her brother Jason (Ryan Kwanten), the town drunk/ladies man.

Sookie seems like your typical sweet, southern girl except she can read minds. Something that causes her stress but also insight. This deeper understanding also makes her extremely empathetic and caring. She quickly falls for the new guy in town, who happens to be Bon Temps first residential and out vampire Bill Compton (Stephen Moyer), but she’s no pushover and is not scared to speak her mind and draw boundaries.

With tensions running very pro-Christian and anti-vampire in the town, Sookie goes from that girl you take home to momma to the girl on that wicked path. It doesn’t help that her boss and friend is obsessively in love with her and her friend Tara is constantly flipping out. (They both disapprove of Bill to top it off.) Jason also becomes the prime suspect when beautiful ladies he’s “dated” (and by date I mean spent one cheap but wildly aerobic night with) women who turn up dead and also happen to be involved in some way with vampires. Could it be the dimwitted brother planning multiple murders? If not, who?

This became the major mystery of the series with the wonderful backdrops of Sookie’s love life and the town’s battle with equality.

I’m not writing this review to spoil anything for you. The mystery is the most engrossing part of the series, and you won’t get a peep out of me! I really recommend picking up this season on DVD when it’s released or if you have the means to watch HBO On Demand, to catch the episodes you’ve missed ASAP. This show epitomizes sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll. It’s that edgy show that doesn’t take itself too seriously even though it’s making some great points. Plus there’s something about shows about small towns where hilarity always ensues.

For more on True Blood, click here.

Photographs courtesy of HBO and IMDbPro

Gossip Girl: Have You Heard?

Gossip Girl here – or at least a damn good impersonator – with the latest dish on your favorite Upper East Siders. S, B, Lonely Boy, Nate, Chuck, and Little J have been awfully busy this season, keeping my inbox buzzing with fresh scoops, secret snapshots, and whispered rumors. But whose aired dirty laundry has been too much to bear? And whose dirt do we crave constantly? Here’s the 411 on what’s raising eyebrows on America’s most scandalous gossip site.

Queen B and her Dark Knight – Bitch is the new black on the Upper East Side, and who better to lead the soft, creamy masses, than hard, shiny Blair Waldorf. If life’s a bitch, Blair’s got this thing covered. Golden girl Serena tried to step up early in the season, and let her star shine brighter than Blair’s – covering page six with shots of her lanky limbs and barely-there mini-dresses and even threatening to take Blair’s precious Yale acceptance away from her. But S soon found herself a boy – the truly pathetic “artist” Aaron – and thus disappeared into mopey girlfriend land.  So B was left alone to reign, but it would be awfully lonely without a prince at her side.

Searching for her prince, B found herself a duke to play with for the summer instead; but the school year brought on some yucky insights into Duke’s all too friendly relationship with his step-mommy dearest. It hardly mattered anyway, because B’s heart was already taken by a notorious lothario, the debonair Mr. Chuck Bass.

Chuck and Blair light up Manhattan with their sizzling chemistry, charged libidos, and vicious tongues. Serena and Dan may as well be forgotten – the bad boy and bad girl of the big apple are all we’re interested in watching. And who knew that the two prep school vipers hid some real aching demons under all that venom. This season showed off some of the softer sides of the reigning king and queen of mean. Though they refused to be a couple – could you picture B and C at dinner and movie? – the two developed real feelings for each other somewhere between their games of cat and mouse.

But when mothering Blair soothed her troubled knight after Chuck’s father’s death, the grieving prince took off in his speeding limo, leaving his damsel behind. What’s the future hold for B and C? Now would be a good time for a magic mirror.

Love Triangles – Masters of the love triangle in previous seasons, this year the glitzy Gothamites found themselves mixed up in a few ménages à trois too many. Dan, Serena, and her new sorry boy – and Blair’s unfortunate new step-brother – Aaron (is he supposed to be cute?) proved three’s a crowd. And while Dan finally admitted he wants Serena back, she flew off to Argentina with photo boy anyway. But she did so not because she doesn’t share Dan’s feelings, but so that her mother could finally have a moment with her own little love triangle.

Lily van der Woodsen-Bass has been flitting between Rufus Humphrey and her husband Bart since last season, but she chose to marry one of her own kind and tied the knot with Bart Bass. However, Bart couldn’t keep himself from spying on Lily and her whole troublesome brood. Lily intended to leave him for his spying, manipulative ways, but he left her first, skipping to the head of the line for the pearly gates. But the unhappy widow didn’t remain alone long, falling head first into Rufus again – until he found out that she’d had his child many years ago and never told him. Silly Lily, don’t you know no one can keep a secret in this town? So Rufus and Lily and baby make three – there’s one threesome you don’t want to get between.

Finally there’s the ever-shifting triangle of Nate, Vanessa, and Little J. Formerly the Upper East Side’s most eligible and least faithful bachelor, Nate Archibald found himself broke this season thanks to his father’s bail skipping habits. But he didn’t find himself bankrupt when it came to love, finding his vault full of pretty Brooklyn girls. First he had his troubling, blackmailing affair with B’s ex-Duke’s mother, Catherine – yikes, a little too Greek for this gossiper’s taste. But the pretty deposed prince of Park Ave soon found solace in the fair arms of his new bff, Dan’s baby sis: fashionista and prep school dropout, Little J. Talk about scandalous! After catching little J in little but her skivvies doing an impromptu fashion shoot with her troublemaker model bud, Agnes, Nate and Jenny shared a passionate kiss on an NYC curb. But fashion biz troubles and serious jailbird family issues, sent Jenny and Nate in different directions, and in a New York minute, Nate found himself locking lips with his ex, fellow Brooklyn babe Vanessa. But deceptions were aplenty, and who could say where Nate’s heart really lay?

Sadly, Jenny made a major boo boo and humiliated her former gal pal Vanessa by placing her in the spotlight with a sheer gift ball gown. Talk about bad lighting! Nate, disturbed by Jenny’s vindictiveness, went back to Vanessa – but how sad for us. Because white collar Nate and blue collar Jenny were one chic, fashionable, watchable pair. Here’s to hoping they bring back the star-crossed lovebirds.

Yale – Sure, Butter might be the place to find the GG crowd on a Friday (or in Chuck’s case Tuesday) night, but Yale is where you’ll find Manhattan’s Elite when the autumn falls. The high school seniors have been preparing all season to say good bye New York, hello New Haven. Queen B and S have already been accepted. Dan’s sent a short story with an author’s high recommendation bound to send him the Ivy way, and Chuck has impressively blackmailed his way into the Skull and Bones. All that’s left is Nate, who has at least seduced a co-ed, so he’s probably good to go. There’s no more fashionable place to be seen – as Blair scoffed, Princeton’s just a trade school – than Yale’s hallowed halls this season. Get ready New Haven.

Did I miss any of your favorite GG moments? If so, drop it in the comments. A good gossip always needs more informants.

xoxo
Gossip Girl

For more on Gossip Girl, click here.

Mondays at 8/7C, The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW

Ugly Betty: A Midseason Update

Last season of Ugly Betty ended with Betty trying to choose between dueling paramours, Gio and Henry. Season three starts, however, with Betty choosing neither and moving out of her father’s house and into a pricey (and unrealistically spacious) Manhattan apartment. She soon gets another unrealistic addition in the form of a new roommate, Mode receptionist Amanda. Read more

Dexter: How to Kill Friends And Influence People

What a terrific third season of Dexter! After two seasons of Dexter struggling with his past, in this season he gains acceptance and finally has an intimate relationship with someone.  What am I talking about?  Well, we begin season three with Dexter angry at his dead father and questioning why he must still follow Harry’s Code.   For the rest of the season Dexter discovers the hard way that Harry knew what was best…

We begin with a botched murder where Dexter accidentally kills the younger brother of Miami assistant district attorney, Miguel Prado. Through the investigation, Miguel befriends Dexter and the two become regular bosom buddies as they try to solve the murder.  Bent on revenge for who he thinks killed his brother, Miguel goes to kill the suspect but finds Dexter there doing the job for him.  Miguel quickly discovers that Dexter has killed other people but instead of having him arrested for murder, Miguel wants to learn from Dexter how he too can carry out his own form of justice, a speedier justice that does not bother with the trivialities (and errors) of the judicial process.

But this life is too much for Miguel and he soon escapes from Dexter’s controlling guidance so he can murder a defense attorney who’s long been a thorn in Miguel’s side.  For this action, Dexter decides he must kill his blood brother, and kill him he does.  In the end Dexter accepts that Harry was right–that no one can know his true self–and that he is consigned to keep this part of his life a perpetual secret.  At the same time, he’s better able to adjust to the normalities of life as he assumes the role of surrogate father to Rita’s two children, Rita’s new husband, and a soon-to-be natural father of Rita’s third child.

Debra finally earns her detective badge even though she, like her father before her, is romantically involved with a police informant.   After two seasons of awkward relationships–one with a serial killer who only used her to get to Dexter and one with more of a father-figure than boyfriend material–Debra experience real affection with someone, and while this storyline was more of a distraction from the Dexter-Miguel story, it was the first season where I really enjoyed Debra as a character.

So next season we will likely get to see a kinder, gentler Dexter as he settles into married life and starts teaching his new son how to strangle small animals.  It should be fun.

Dexter will return for a new season on Showtime at some point in 2009.

Dexter, Season 3, Showtime

For more shows, click here.

Photographs courtesy of Showtime and IMDbPro.

The Office: I call it an orange-vod-juice-ka

Raise your hand if you think Meredith’s an alcoholic?

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

We’re four and a half seasons into this show now. We’re no longer learning awesome new tidbits about people’s lives, like we did in earlier seasons, when one of the biggest laughs of an episode might have been finding out that Kevin was in a band called Scrantonicity or that Michael and Phyllis were in the same high school class.

Now, we know everyone by heart, no matter how minor the character. Phyllis? Oh, you mean Phyllis Vance, formerly Phyllis Lapin, who ships Jim/Pam and used to have a sad crush on Michael and is now married to Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration, and who spent years being humiliated by Angela as a peon on the Party Planning Committee, only to recently emerge as the committee’s new leader and humiliate Angela right back? That Phyllis?

The British version of The Office ended after thirteen episodes. We barely even got to know most of the minor characters there. But this is an American show. It has to keep going, and going, and going.

So, instead of spending time getting to know people, in this season of The Office, the drama is dialed up. Jim and Pam are engaged. Michael is slowly growing a spine. Dwight and Angela are stuck in a love triangle that’s becoming more sad than funny. Meredith’s hair caught on fire.

This season, Michael had the first hint of romance with someone who might have actually gotten him - only to have it dashed by David Wallace after a piddling five episodes. He also hooked up with a concierge in Winnipeg in a sequence that was almost heartbreaking.

And Jim and Pam are finally engaged (but with no wedding date in sight - déjà vu much, Pam?), and are happily turning into their parents. Jim even bought a house for them - albeit without telling Pam, for which I think Jim is a douche. Yes, Pam was okay with it, which I guess means we should all be okay with it, but, I mean, of course Pam was okay with it. Her last fiancé wouldn’t even buy her a real iPod. Plus, it would indeed be nice to be a homeowner without having to shell out any of your own cash. (Although I wonder how much savings Pam could possibly have left anyway. Those Pratt classes weren’t cheap, and ever since she broke up with Roy she’s been paying rent by herself, and car payments by herself, and gas by herself, and then there’s all those new clothes she bought in season 4. I know, via Joe Biden, that Scranton is a hellhole, and so presumably all those things are fairly cheap there, but all Pam’s got is her Dunder Mifflin salary and that $100 she got for winning that art contest in season 3.) So maybe I should take back that thing about Jim being a douche. But I’ve just never gotten past my general irritation with him. Jim’s high point came with his unabashed declaration of love for Pam in the season 2 finale, and ever since then he’s been on a rapid downward spiral in the likeability department.

But then, while I’m complaining about Jim, Pam isn’t much better. Her decision to come back to Scranton without finishing her graphic design course, and announcing to Jim that she hadn’t liked it anyway, made me very uncomfortable. I guess it should’ve been acceptable, given that it neatly parallels Jim withdrawing his application for that corporate job and coming back to Scranton at the end of season 3. But… Jim never really seemed like he wanted that corporate job, in the end, whereas Pam’s been talking about her dreams of a career in art since season 2. And when Harry from Mad Men was trying to convince her to stay in New York and pursue her dream, she did seem like she was genuinely thinking about it. (And by the way, why didn’t Pam hook up with that guy? Why bother casting Harry from Mad Men if you’re only going to give him two scenes?)

But the real drama has been reserved for the Dwight/Angela/Andy triangle. Poor Andy has spent this first half of season 5 desperately trying to plan a wedding while being, in Dwight’s words, “cuckolded by a stronger, smarter male.” It was funny, at first. But now that Phyllis has outed Angela and Dwight to the entire office (except Andy), it just seems really sad. For the first time, it was like Andy was an actual human being. This is, after all, a guy who taught himself how to play “Deck the Halls” on the sitar in just a few minutes. If he weren’t such an all-around loser, that would be genuinely impressive. But Dwight and Angela, after appearing to genuinely care about each other back in season 3, now just seem to be using each other for various things, as proven by Dwight’s complete lack of caring about Angela’s obvious (and very real) distress after Phyllis let the secret out. And now we’re heading into 2009 with Andy still blissfully unaware and Dwight and Angela still, as far as we know, legally married.

But the most awesome character so far in season 5 has been Ryan. The Office has always straddled a line between the typical (an HR workshop on sexual harassment generates lots of sexual harassment) and the surreal (Michael hits Meredith with his car and cracks her pelvis, and then she gets rabies). Sometimes it’s problematic when the show leans too far toward the latter. The Ryan character is a great example of this. He started out as arguably the most believable character on the show back in season 1, and now that we’re midway through season 5 he has become completely over-the-top. His very presence in the office defies realism. (Surely David Wallace wouldn’t allow Ryan anywhere near Dunder Mifflin property. Corporate’s PR department would explode.)

And now Ryan’s off the show, possibly for good. Which is fine - he’s become such a caricature that he’s barely recognizable as human now. Much like Jan. She’s a ludicrous parody of a woman who was once a genuinely interesting character. (Again, not that I’m knocking that - the baby shower episode was hysterical - but, remember when we used to feel sorry for Jan?)

My predictions for the rest of the season:

1. Michael and Jan will get back together.
2. Michael will find himself babysitting, and crying, a lot.
3. We will not see a Pam/Jim wedding.
4. We will not see an Andy/Angela wedding.
5. Dwight and Angela will still be married in the season finale.
6. John Krasinski will finally get that much-deserved Emmy nomination.

And… that’s all I can come up with. Hmm. Why is this so hard? (… That’s what she said.)

For more on The Office, click here.

Thursdays, 9/8C on NBC

Photographs courtesy of NBC

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